"Alright, so just to make sure here…" I started as I popped the final bottle cap off with a knife. "Neither of you have actually had alcohol before?"
"Nope" both Sortiara and Johnathan responded, more or less in unison.
"Right. Then best to go over this, just in case."
"Go over what" Sortiara asked.
"What I like to call the four rules of drinking."
"What happened to us not being kids" Johnathan frowned.
"Kids or not, this is important to know" I waved him off dismissively. "So, rule number one: never, ever, ever drink and drive."
"Well, obviously" Sortiara rolled her eyes.
"You say that, but how many people still do it? You want to drink yourself to death, fine, whatever. I fully support your right to do so. The moment you put someone else's life at risk though, you've crossed the line. Never, ever drink and drive. Period."
"It's like you think you're our parent or something…"
"Might as well be something like that" I mused. "You two are, what? Fifteen? Sixteen? Maybe seventeen, at the most?"
"Sixteen, both of us" Johnathan confirmed.
"And I'm twenty-four. So yeah, not your parent, but… here, think of me as that crazy uncle who still has some sense of responsibility!"
"Why do you sound pleased about that" Sortiara scoffed.
"Because at least that comes off as somewhat natural to me. Look, there's an eight year age difference here; thinking of you two as friends just feels so weird! So there: like it or not, I'm going with that. At least in my head."
"…Ok… so what's rule number two? Might as well get this over with quickly…"
"Rule number two: never leave your drink unattended. This is more so for parties and bars and stuff, but it is so easy to haver something slipped into a drink and have the drinker not even realize. The moment you can't perfectly remember what or who has been around that drink of yours, play it safe: dump it. Rule number three: never drink on an empty stomach."
"Never heard of that one" Johnathan commented.
"Most likely because it's not going to kill you, or someone else, if you don't follow it" I explained. "But trust me, just don't do it. You won't have a fun time afterwards."
"And the final rule" Sortiara sounded bored more than anything.
"Simple. Rule number four: never drink alone."
I let that one hang in the air. Both Johnathan and Sortiara paused for a moment, as if thinking it over. Ultimately though, both of them would end up confused.
"Why is that an issue" Sortiara asked.
"Because that, you two, is the fastest way to descend into alcoholism" I explained. "The moment you fall prey to the habit of drinking alone, it is so, so easy to become an alcoholic. Family on my father's side is full of them, including my grandfather for a long time. All of them got into the habit of drinking alone, and it hits you quick. Most of them have never recovered. My grandfather was one of the lucky ones who did towards the end of his life, but that was only after it had destroyed his marriage with my grandmother, and he could never drink again after without immediately relapsing."
The seriousness, or maybe the fact I had used a personal example, seemed to spook the two.
"That's… wow…" Johnathan muttered.
"I've never met that side of my family personally" I smiled, trying to bring up the mood slightly. "Well, besides my grandparents. That's all stuff my father told me about his family. But on that, I believe him. I hadn't heard of this rule before my father told me about it either, but I'd say it's easily one of the most important bits of wisdom my father ever departed onto me. So, here I am, passing it on to you two now."
On that happy note, the three of us started eating. Honestly, considering it must have been a good few years since I'd last cooked something like this, I thought the bacon wrapped steaks turned out pretty well. Undoubtedly this would have failed to impress my aunt, but she was a high bar to clear.
As for the beer… Well, I was considered to be weird among most people my age. I preferred my beer at room temperature. I could not stand chilled beer, which was the norm in North America. I blamed the fact I first really started drinking beer in Germany for that; couldn't recall a single time I had a chilled beer there. That said, I could be wrong; not like I knew basically anything on German drinking culture or norms.
The two of them didn't seem to enjoy it though, which didn't exactly surprise me.
"Taste gross" Johnathan complained.
"Yeah, that's beer for you" I couldn't help but laugh a bit as Sortiara seemed to be practically choking on hers.
"Ewww… Why would anyone drink this" she moaned, pushing her bottle away.
"Takes a bit to get used to" I admitted. "I didn't like beer at first either. Still don't, really. Just figured this was a good way to contribute, seeing as I was showing up uninvited and all. This is the first time I've drank in… about a year now? Maybe just a bit over a year…? Regardless, most people here tend to chill their beer first."
"Why don't you?"
"Can't stomach it" I admitted. "I find chilled beer gross. Room temperature though? That I can do."
"…What do you actually like drinking, then" Johnathan asked.
"Well, let's see… there are Skittle shots, Jell-O shots… you name it, vodka can probably go with it. Jager bombs are good too; avoid straight Jager though, unless you like the feeling of drinking shitty cough syrup. Personal favorite though has to be rum."
"Really? Rum? What are you, a pirate?"
"Specifically, Caribbean spiced rum" I grinned. "So, who knows? Maybe I am a pirate at heart. All I can tell you, though, is that Caribbean spiced rum slaps!"
"…I admit, that was better than I'd thought you'd do."
I couldn't help but smile slightly as Sortiara continued to rummage around the room for… whatever it was she needed. Johnathan wasn't with us; went right back to his computer. A kid after my own heart!
"You mean the food? Man, you two really must think the worst of me. Which, ok, fair enough I suppose; I don't usually eat much more than PopTarts nowadays…"
"Seriously?"
"I mean, yeah? I live and die by the three P's!"
"Do I even want to know what that's supposed to mean...?"
"Probably not" I admitted, laughing. "So, any luck finding it?"
"Not… yet…"
"It's a big house. Far bigger than I'd have expected for-… actually, how many people did live here?"
"You mean before the war started?"
"Yeah."
"Just Johnathan and his mom" Sortiara confirmed. "Yeah, my dad was real pissed off when she outbid him for the place, but what could he do? Johnathan's mom was stupid rich."
"Do you both only have the one parent? I've only ever heard of Johnathan's mother and your father."
"Had would be more correct to day" Sortiara sighed. "But pretty much. Johnathan's situa-… well, if he wants to share, I'll leave that up to him. As for myself… my mother died when I was young; either when I was five, or very shortly after I'd turned six."
"You know what happened?"
"…I do… Let's just say that experimenting with magecraft is dangerous, and leave it at that. Don't really like talking about it."
"Fair enou-"
"Ah ha" Sortiara cut me off with an enthusiastic shout. "Finally found this sucker!"
She raised her hand high, showing off a very fancy looking book.
"Cool" I nodded. "So, how do we go about this?"
"Here, you hold this open" Sortiara handed me the book.
"Ok, so what- …Sortiara?"
"Yeah?"
"The book… why is it all full of blank pages?"
"Because it runs off mana, not words" Sortiara rolled her eyes, as if that was just something I obviously should have known.
"Then… any page?"
"Yes, any page! Just shut up, stand still and hold it open! Geez…" Sortiara snapped at me.
"Alright, alright! Should I close my eyes as well?"
"…Actually, that may be a good idea."
…I had been joking when I asked that, but if she believed it would help, then I suppose…
"Ok, now what" I asked once I'd closed my eyes.
"Now, I'm going to pour my mana into it. As for you… Well, since you seem to be one of those gaming freaks like Johnathan, maybe try picturing a character screen too? I don't know, just think about a servant with the desire to see their information! Start with the one you think you know best already, just in case."
"Ok… So, thinking of Rider… Thinking… Of Rider…"
I felt the book warm up slightly in my hand. Character screen would probably be easiest for me to visualize… Right, so Rider's character screen. Rider's character screen… What would that look like…?
For the first couple of moments there was nothing. I couldn't feel anything magical really happen, and no matter how I tried to visualize it, my mind was drawing a blank, it seemed.
"See anything" I heard Sortiara, though for some reason she sounded… distant.
"Not yet… Maybe it can't-"
Suddenly, it came. From the darkness, a giant menu screen revealed itself to me.
Class: Rider
True Name: Al-Nasir Salah al-Din Yusuf ibn Ayyub
AKA: Saladin, Sultan of Egypt and Syria
Parameters
Strength: B- Mana: B-
Endurance: B- Luck: B+
Agility: C+ NP: B
Skills
Golden Rule: C+
Magic Resistance: D
Proof of Friendship: C
Riding: B+
2 Unknown Skills
Noble Phantasms
Shadow Contract – Unity of the Mountains and Sands | Rank: C
1 Unknown Noble Phantasm
"Woah…" I muttered in amazement, trying to take in what had just revealed itself to me.
"You see something" I heard Sortiara ask, but again, it sounded distant.
"I see… a lot of things… His class, his true name… even some other aliases. I see his stats. Well, parameters are what they call it here… Skills, though some are still hidden… Even his Noble Phantasms are listed! Though again, some are hidden."
"Wait, you see his Noble Phantasms?"
"One of them, yeah… Something called Shadow Contract. I think that's his thing that lets him summon the assassins, if I had to guess."
"…Weird…"
"Huh?"
"Oh, just that it's weird to me that you can see that. Neither Johnathan nor I can see any of his Noble Phantasms..."
Maybe it's because Rider actually showed me the contract…?
"Ok, this is cool" I must have been grinning like an absolute idiot, but I didn't care.
Beautiful… Absolutely beau-
"Oh, there's even a cursor" I blurted out as I spotted a little mouse cursor off to the side of the page.
"A what?"
"A mouse cursor! You know, like for a computer!"
Sortiara didn't responded to that.
"Wow, so when I click on a skill, it gives me a description" I continued to explain to her what I was seeing. "Let's see… Riding skill: Class skill of Rider and Saber class servants. This skill denotes the ability of a servant to ride mounts and vehicles. Note: Dragon type mounts are exempted from this skill, requiring a different ability. At rank of B+, this skill allows the servant to use most animals and vehicles with above average skill, even if they did not exist in the time period one was alive in. Note: This excludes the likes of Phantasmal Species. Phantasmal Species… what is that, exactly? It doesn't give a drop-down menu or tool tip for that term…"
"They're basically any non-human creature found in myths and legends. So, think of a chimera, or a hydra or something."
"But wait… This means Rider could drive a car! Or… a motorcycle!"
"Or a plane, yes…"
"Ah, forget planes; not practical for this. But a motorcycle! Remember how Rider looked with his armor and all?! He'd look so badass on a motorcycle! …We got to get that man on a motorcycle, at least once!"
"Of all the things you could use that information for, you decided to use it to play dress-up with an enemy servant?!"
"I can't help it; it'd be beautiful!"
"Ugh… Well, if nothing else, at least we've established that you can actually see using this thing, even if Johnathan or myself are required to power it…"
"Can you see what I see?"
"No, but I wish I could. You said it explains the Riding skill to you. Doesn't do that shit for me; just shows the rank! That's so unfair!"
"Maybe if you used the book, it would show you too?"
...She's not lying. Good! Then I don't need to worry about flipping through the tabs to the other servants!
"…You know? Maybe… Anyways, you good for now? Not going to lie, I feel kind of dumb standing here. Could we at least sit down, or go somewhere with a TV to watch, or something?"
"Sure, sure… Just, uh…"
"Uh what?"
"Um… How do I close this thing?"
"Oh, for- It's not a computer, you idiot! Just open your eyes!"
Author's Notes
Ok, a few things to go over. First off, as of this point going forward, this story will be set at a M rating. I don't want to risk anything, and I plan on doing far more... 'adult' things... than talking about alcohol later, so I figure might as well cover my ass now. While I don't personally think anything I write is something a 13 year old couldn't read, I freely admit my judgement of what is 'age appropriate' is probably not the norm (after all, I was playing Halo at the age of fucking 4...)
Second thing... MY GOD I HATE THE LACK OF FORMATTING OPTIONS HERE! I wanted to do so much more with the character pages, but this... this is where I resign myself. I can't figure out any way to do it better (though if any of you know any tricks, please do send them my way!). Same goes with the ' * unknown skills and Noble Phantasm' shit; wanted to just have dashed lines representing they were still hidden, but I can't get the... thing... to keep the dashed lines! It drives me nuts, but alas, I can't be bothered playing around with this anymore myself!
Final thing... Noble Phantasm names! Yeah, don't go expected really cool/creative shit from me on this front! Believe me, I really do try, but I'm just not good at naming things! The more secondary names/titles of NP's I can get to a point I can at least... tolerate... but the actual name that a servant would shout out... I'm sorry in advance for how lame/cringe they will (most likely) all turn out to be! But hey, at least we can all be happy than none of my stuff is canon by any means, and that Type-Moon will probably do them all far more justice in that regard, should they ever use these people for a canonic work!
Well, that's all for now. Thanks to all my readers as usual!