"Oh yeah, so what were you watching on TV the entire time I was, you know…"
I casually raised the question as Sortiara and I went looking for Johnathan. Well, we knew where he was. It was just a matter of navigating the house for me, and finding his room. Thankfully, Sortiara was willing to act as a guide quickly, before heading off to bed. The two of us had provided her quite the headache today, apparently.
"Just random stuff. Why?"
"Tsk… Didn't even bother to check local news?"
"Why the hell would I watch the news?"
"To find out if the cops are investigating the school we wrecked yet. Eventually it'll come to light, but knowing when and how strong a presence the police plan on putting out in the city would be good to know, don't you think? Or are you just ok with anything happening in this war?"
"…Didn't even think about that…"
"Figured you wouldn't" I smiled. "But from now on, I suggest you keep checking the news in mind whenever a fight happens. Getting caught unaware by the cops won't be bad for you magi or servants, but you did say other people who see aspects of the war have to die. Don't think it'd be good if, over the duration of this thing, cops start dropping dead like flies. Going to raise lots of eyebrows…"
"Good point. That damn Executor… should have set a bounded field to keep outsiders out before springing that trap!"
"If anyone sprung the trap, it was you and Lancer…"
"Hush, you!"
Sortiara came to a stop outside a door on the second floor of the house.
"If I know him, he's in there, playing his stupid game" Sortiara sighed. "I know we're not planning on picking a fight for a couple of days still, but I wish he'd spend a bit more time preparing…"
"Eh, I think you and him both need a day or two off from the war" I shrugged.
"The war's the most pressing thing though! It's too big to ignore!"
"And what is the point in living life if all you know is hardship?"
Sortiara stared at me blankly in response. Or rather, due to her lack of response.
"Sure, the war is a priority. But everyone needs to have time to relax, in whatever way they find comfort" I continued. "Having those moments of peace and joy, regardless of how fleeting they may truly be, remind us why we fight and suffer the rest of the time. They are what make life worthwhile; worth living for. Should never just cast that aside, if you ask me."
"I… well, uh-"
"Think on it" I gave her a smile as I reached past here for the doorknob. "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"
"Um, I guess… I-" Sortiara muttered, before seemingly straightening herself out. "Right; think on it. I'll do that. Night then."
I waited a moment before opening the door, watching Sortiara as she walked away.
"...Children… So narrow minded in thinking…"
I pushed the door open and entered Johnathan's room. It was big; easily bigger than any room in my apartment. Hell, it was almost as big as my entire apartment… Messy too, though I couldn't really judge him for that, considering the state of my place was actually probably worse. That, and he was still a teenager; name me a single teenage guy who doesn't have a messy room.
He was so distracted by his game he didn't even seem to notice me as I stood directly behind him. As I expected, he was playing WotH. He was using Hannibal Barca, which, considering the map that had been selected, wasn't a terrible choice. Not optimal, by any means, but certainly viable. Or would be, if he had a team to support Hannibal's playstyle…
The match wasn't going well; they were down on bases, and the right flank had all but collapsed. Only one base remained between Johnathan's team's main camp and the enemy supply line connecting to it there. The rest of the map wasn't in that much better a state. The left flank was deadlocked and the center was looking like a coinflip would decide it within a couple of minutes.
Still, considering the team comp, it shouldn't have gone this bad that quickly, even if I assume Johnathan's team is out comped… The hell happened?
"How did the right flank get so utter fucked" I asked him, tapping on his should to get past his headphones.
"Whaaaaa" Johnathan damn nearly jumped out of his chair the moment I tapped him.
Turning around, he shot me a scowl before taking his headphones off.
"The hell, man! Don't scare me like that!"
"How'd you fuck up the right flank so bad" I ignored him, pointing at the monitor.
"I didn't fuck it up" Johnathan growled, turning his attention back to the game. "Damn Lancelot player fucked it up! All he had to do was sit back another minute, but no; rushes in there like a fucking moron."
"Lancelot's all about the early game; the hell did you expect?"
"I expected the man to listen to me! I'm the strategist, damnit!"
"Sure, but you also picked Hannibal…"
"I was first pick in the draft!"
"You blind picked Hannibal? On this map? That's so much worse…"
"Fuck off; this is a fine map for Hannibal!"
"It's decent, at best. Off the top of my head alone though, I'd rather have Zhou Yu or Caesar. Leonidas if you want a defensive playstyle… Hell, considering how the one river on this map runs, even Horatio Nelson would be a better choice than Hannibal; could have seriously abused a Lancelot pick then if you played for a left flank, early to mid game beat down win."
"Horatio Nelson? On this map? I can't take you seriously, clearly…"
"You doubting the viability of the pick just tells me how limited your knowledge of this game is…"
"If you're going to watch, just shut up and let me play!"
"Fine, fine…"
Not that I needed to remain quiet for long. The game was over within ten minutes from that point. To Johnathan's credit, he did use Hannibal fairly well, given the situation the game was in. That, and from what I saw, a lot of his teammates really were bad… Still, had he picked a better strategist (or commander, seeing as both commander and strategist characters could cover the strategist role), his team could… well, they wouldn't have won that game, but it would have been a lot closer.
"God damn I hate the idiots who play this game…" Johnathan groaned as the defeat screen came up.
"Not… terrible, all things considered. Bit of miss-micro on the elephants in the center there, and a poorly timed ambush stratagem. But beyond that… not too bad from a strategist roll; mechanical standpoint at gold, that is. Take it Hannibal is your main?"
"…Yeah" Johnathan sighed.
"Would explain the first pick. Should never first pick a commander or strategist though. Hell, even most wilds are bad first picks."
"…I know."
"Then why you doing it" I laughed. "Just pick for a teammate then who's playing a vanguard or champion. That, and really, do you not know how to play either Zhou Yu or Caesar? They're really common picks for that map if they're open!"
"Caesar was banned out by their team, and I hate playing Zhou Yu, so I banned him out."
"Who the hell was their strategist then? Don't think I ever saw him, which tells you the match was fairly one-sided…"
"Pyrrhus."
"…Well" I couldn't help but smirk. "So much for him and his pyrrhic victories; that was a one-sided slaughter!"
"Well, if you're so much better, why don't you go a round" Johnathan grinned back, standing up and gesturing me towards the computer. "You sure talk big, but do you even remember the controls? How long has it been since you last played?"
"Season three" I shrugged, sitting down. "So however many years since that. But alright, I'll bite. You have all the strategists and commanders unlocked, I take it?"
"Course I do."
"Then this should be easy" I sighed.
Or so I say… I may have kept up with the game, but I haven't actually played it in years! Ugh, this is so not worth risking my hands over… But then again, I can't resist the opportunity to get him to sit down, shut up and just take my word on my game from now on.
"Now then" I muttered as I joined the queue. "Fast or slow, fast or slow…"
"Wait, that's the ranked queue" Johnathan sounded slightly panicked.
"I'm well aware of that, Jonny boy."
"Don't just enter the ranked queue after not playing in years?!"
"Why not? This is gold level play; free win, easy!"
"Yeah, ok... What rank were you when you stopped playing? Platinum whatever?"
"Grandmaster."
That casual drop silenced him for a moment. But only for a moment, sadly…
"Yeah fucking right, you were grandmaster ranked! On the NA server?! In season three?!"
"You need not like me. You need not even respect me" I shook my head, though a slight smirk crossed my face. "But you will listen to me. Let this match show you."
Nearly perfectly timed that; the queue popped only a few seconds after I finished speaking. As I loaded into the draft phase, I noticed I had the seventh pick out of the eight players on my team.
Good, then I don't have to pick for someone else; trying to organize a trade chain was always a bitch back then, and I doubt that aspect of this game has improved with more shitters joining…
"Oh, before this game really starts" I spoke to Johnathan but kept my focus on the draft, typing into the in-game chat.
"What?"
"Downstairs, in my bag. Grab the little bottle of pills in it, would ya? Smallest, front pouch. That and a bottle of Dr. Pepper."
"Ok… but what are the pills for?"
"Painkillers. For my fingers after" I sighed. "Doesn't look like anyone on this team knows what WWF is, meaning this game will definitely go to midgame, if not late game... I'm going to need them."
"WWF?"
"White WildFire. It's a blitzing strat, meant to finish a match in under fifteen minutes. Abuses the power of Conquest behind the enemy's supply lines, with Zhou Yu, Alexander and Caesar rotating in and out of the main camp to cycle the appropriate stratagems, depending on the current map situation."
"...That sounds absolutely insane as a strat" Johnathan muttered. "Two commanders and a strategist on one team? That's so bad!"
"It's not meant to do anything beyond fifteen minutes, so duh, conventionally it's bad" I sighed. "It's a gimmick, early game blitz strat. But on this map specifically, it would be very, very good; especially since I doubt anyone in gold has ever had to face it."
"Well, no shit; rotating what's basically three strategists is insane just thinking about; no way in hell players at this rank are actually going to be able to pull it off!"
"Ugh… and our draft is so bad" I moaned more to myself than anything. "Achilles with Leonidas… Why are we picking a commander in our first round of picks! Why are we picking an early game vanguard with a late game commander! Leonidas doesn't even have a mount; why is he getting picked so early! Fucking hate low ranked games…"
"Welcome back to the game then" I could hear Johnathan laughing behind me. "So tell me, grandmaster: who shall you be playing?"
"…At this point… Ironically, I actually want to pick Hannibal… It would cover for Leonidas' bad early game, and also cover for Achilles when his detriment starts to kick in. But who knows at this point; fucking third pick is hovering Zhao Yun and their team picked up Lancelot and Hercules as their second and third picks respective, so this draft is all over the damn place!"
"So then why not just play your main?"
"I probably will…" I sighed, not wanting to look but also unwilling to look away from this shit show of a draft. "Great, and we're already arguing in the lobby chat… They do realize I'm the strategist player, right; I dictate the strategy for our team!"
"Nobody plays like that in solo queue" Johnathan laughed again. "That's ranked team queue mentality!"
"Then I guess I'll just have to 1v15…"
"You're going to 1v15? With who?"
"My main: Guo Jia. Thank fuck this map has multiple rivers I can flood…"
"...You main Guo Jia? Really?"
"I'm a season three strategist: practically everybody in that role had Guo Jia at least as a backup pick, if not their main! There was no better late game strategist back then; I'd argue there still isn't, if you actually know what you're doing with him!"
"Of course; all you clowns trying to copy Yaldabaoth… He's so weak in combat though!"
"No he's not; his move set is insane!"
"Yeah; insanely weak in the damage department!"
That actually caused me to turn around and face him.
"Do you really think damage is the point of his move set?"
"Isn't that the point of everyone's move set? The damage is just balanced out by the roles: because commanders have stratagems and strategists have both stratagems and grand stratagems, they do less damage than vanguard and champion characters, who only have gambits."
"…Oh, you poor, poor soul…"
"How is that wrong?!"
"Let me show you why Guo Jia has one of the best movesets in the fucking game then. Just… hurry up and get the painkillers. If I'm actually doing this, I'm probably going to need them sooner than I originally expected…"
God, this was going to fuck up my hands so badly… Why the hell did I let myself get talked into this shit… Why the hell am I actually playing the fucking game again!
"Oh! Don't forget the Dr. Pepper as well!"
Author's Notes
Ok, I'm not going to go into great detail about this completely made-up game in this story. Frankly, I'm not a game designer; I'm sure this game I've mentally thought up would be an absolute shit show to play IRL. That said, for anyone who actually wants to try and picture what a match of this game would be like, instead of just taking it all as the gaming jargon vomit it is... well, basically think Dynasty Warriors 8 Empires combat, with a MOBA (LoL/ DOTA/whatever) draft and character classification system (Tanks, Mages, Assassins, etc.), and you got the basic, basic, visualization of it.
...If people really want me to flesh it out at a later point, drop a review or a PM; maybe if enough people want it, I'll go a chapter or two in detail about how I pictured this game I thought up working at a later point in the story. Otherwise, this is about as much detail I'm going to go into it; really though, it's not important to know how the game's 'mechanics' work; this made up game is not the point of this story.