It hurts… It hurts… Why is it always me that hurts…?

I had no idea where I was. I had no idea where I was going. I just wanted the pain to stop. So I kept moving, kept shuffling forward through the darkness. Shadows lashed out all around me. Smacked me. Pushed me. Scratched me.

Why me…? What made me so different to all of you…? Why couldn't we also be friends?

A punch slammed into my stomach. I felt a sharp prick at my shoulder. Pulling my sleeve up, I could see a bead of blood welling up. Within the dancing shadows, I could see the flash of silver metal, just barely, before it too disappeared in the darkness. A compass.

"So annoying…"

"So weak."

"What a loser!"

Before I could even start moving again, something slammed into my face. The blood trickling down my nose wasn't imaginary. Neither was the explosion of pain. Rolling along the ground was a soccer ball.

"He's clearly faking it!"

"What an idiot!"

"All your fault we lost!"

My fault…? What did I do wrong? I'm the only one… back here… Why isn't anyone running back to help?

Where was everyone? Where were the teachers? Someone had to be here, somewhere? Someone would help me, right? I just had to find them...

My legs were swept from under me. The kicks began as soon as I hit the ground.

It hurts… Why me…? Why me? Why me? Why me?

The spit rained down on me as the kicking stopped.

"Video game addict!"

"Grade A retard!"

"Heh, now this is what you call an actual porch monkey!"

"Dance monkey, dance!"

…I hate this. I hate this. I hate this…

Something splattered against me back as I slowly tried to stand back up. It smelled vile. The laughter from the surrounding shadows grew even louder. I froze as I spotted green dots and splatters on the ground around me.

Green? Did someone… Someone-

"No one likes you!"

"No one cares if you're around or not!"

"Go back to your computer, freak!"

I… I…

"What you going to do about it, wimp? You going to fight back?"

"Look, he's crying!"

"Great, now he's going to go and tell on us…"

"No one likes a crybaby, you know?"

"Snitches get stitches: remember that."

"What a pain… he just gets more annoying each passing year."

"At least we only have another, what, six years left?"

I hate you… I hate you… all of you… I hate all of you!

It was unfair. It was so unfair! What did I ever do to any of you?! I get it, I don't fit in! I don't care about the things you all care about! But then just leave me alone! What did I do to deserve this shit from all of you?!

I hate you… I hate you… I hate all of you…

So what if I prefer computers to all of you?! How is that my fault?! I'm just supposed to be ok with all of this?! Every! Single! Day?!

…Burn…

Why are my prayers never answered? Where's my helping hand?! My guidance?! My divine retribution?! God made us all in his image! So why did he make me like this?! Is this the purpose of my existence?! Was this shit what he intended for me?!

Burn… Burn, burn, burn!

Fuck that! Fuck this! God isn't real! God can't be real! This shit proves that it's all a giant farce! That, or even if he is real, then he sure as shit isn't worth following! Isn't worth listening to! Praying to! Isn't worth respecting!

Burn it all… Turn it all to cinders. Dance upon the ashes!

The world is hideous. Raze it all to the ground. Tear it all apart, brick by fucking brick; Earth and Heaven both!

My face slammed to the ground. More kicks. More spit. I just laid there and took it. Took everything the shadows sent my way. I would get my revenge, even if it killed me. Somehow… Someway… I would get my revenge on all of them!

But I was tired… So, so tired… So tired of all this shit. All this pain. All this staggering about in the darkness; surrounded by monsters, hiding in the shadows…

I just want it all to end. I want an out. I could make an out. I could… be my own out.

I was standing now. How or when that came to be, I didn't know. The shadows were gone, but it was still dark. And cold. So, so cold…

I could only see a few steps in front of me. But it was enough. Enough to see the fuse, just… lying there. On the ground in front of me. What it led to, what it'd do, I didn't know. But I also didn't care to know.

In my left hand, the match. In my right, a knife. Sharp enough to… long enough to… Lifting up my soiled shirt, I looked down. I could see it: my heart, beating in my chest. I couldn't miss… I couldn't possibly miss… It was an out. It was an option. It was always an option…

…It's not like you can't do both. It's never a question of if you can or can't; only a question of if you will, or if you won't…

I reached down, striking the match against the invisible ground. Thankfully, it lit. The drop, from my hand to the fuse, wasn't a great distance. I wouldn't miss. I couldn't possibly miss… I could do both. It would be so easy to do both. End everything; burn it all to cinders and ash. Then end myself.

Finally… peace… Victory...

A sudden light blitzed my senses. Blinded me. It was bright. Too bright! Tossing the match and knife aside, I tried to shield my eyes. I couldn't lose my eyes. Not my mind, not my eyes, not my hands… I needed those! Take anything else, just not those!

But it wasn't enough. It hurt. The bright light hurt! I threw myself to the ground, burying my head against the darkness. Whatever it took to dim the light.

No… Go away… Just leave me alone already!

To my surprise, the light dimmed. It didn't disappear, but it no longer… hurt. Instead, it felt… warm. Inviting… What… was this…? Why…?

I took the risk, looking up from the darkness. Looking right at it, it was still too bright to make out perfectly. But I did see it. Long, flowing hair. Emerald eyes. A cheerful smile. A dazzling light: radiating warmth, and brilliance. Radiating happiness. Radiating… life…

…An angel… An honest to god… angel…

My eyes fell upon the angel's hand, outstretched towards me.

"You're not wrong" the angel laughed. "Man and monster truly are one and the same. The beauty of man lays in its creations and destructions, not its population."

Why… Why was this angel… speaking to me…?

"But the world itself" the angel continued, and all the cold left my body. "The world itself is undeniably beautiful. Come on, let me prove it to you."

She was beautiful… Absolutely beautiful… And I wanted it. Wanted… her. Her warmth. Her happiness. Her life. I wanted to experience it all. And now, I could; she was standing right there, offering to show me…

Tentatively, I reached out with my hand. I was scared; so, so scared… But I wanted it. I really, really wanted it…

As if to mock me, the world stretched. Just before I could grab her hand… The darkness returned. As did the shadows. As did the cold. But… this time, it did feel different.

The shadows drifted around me, as if they couldn't even notice me. The cold felt… soothing, rather than chilling. It was hard to see, but, way off in the distance, I could see it. See her. My guardian angel… Shining bright; acting as a guide, cutting through the darkness of the world.

…Just keep shining bright for me...

I felt happier now. Happier than I'd felt in so, so long… I began walking again, towards the light off in the distance.

So long as you keep shining, I know I can keep-

The light began to dim. I panicked. I broke out into a run, arm outstretched, desperate to grasp the light so that it couldn't disappear. Wouldn't disappear. Not now. Not after I've seen it! Not after I've felt it! Not-

"Soph-"

My eyes shot open as I sat upright from the ground. Immediately, my body raked in pain. It felt as if my skin was cracking all over.

"Arrggghhhh!"

I fell back immediately as the pain caught up to me. Everything hurt. Everything was hot. It felt like my body was on fire. My vision blurred, and I felt my consciousness slipping.

"Shit! How did- Lancer, use it!"

…Sortiara…? What…?

"Master, he's still-"

"I don't care! Use it!"

I couldn't see it happen. Hell, I just barely managed to feel it happen. The lance piercing my body. With all the other pain I was feeling, it just sorta… blended right on in.

"Longinus! Holy Blood-"

…Longinus? I knew it… Percival…

A new explosion of pain raked my body, and I immediately black out.

A/N

Wooo! Going up Monday night, instead of Tuesday or Wednesday! I'm on fire now baby xD

In all seriousness, finally all moved in to where I'll be staying over the school year. School itself starts up this Wednesday for me, so I'll see how frequent my posts come in the following weeks (as will you all, obviously).

So yeah... Lancer is Percival, which was (I'm hoping) sort of obvious for a good while now. For anyone who was reading way back when I started, I said in the description I was using only original servants. Back then, that was true. But then Lostbelt 6 hit FGO JP and, well...

Just... of all people... why did it have to be fucking Percival?! Don't get me wrong, I am glad he is officially in a major FATE work now, but still! It couldn't have been Agravain? Or fucking Sir Kay?! Hell, they even added in werewolves as enemy mobs in Lostbelt 6; Sir Kay could have had his werewolf form (at least, I've heard he's supposed to have a werewolf form; I'm no expert on Arthurian Legend, so don't quote me on that actually being a thing)! Just why did it have to be Percival of all the knights to still need addition to FGO?!

I knew I was playing with fire when making Percival the Lancer, but getting burned sucks all the same, even with the knowledge of the possibility being fairly high...

Basically, don't expect Lancer to be anything like he is in FGO JP. I'm sure he's very far off from that depiction already, and I'm also sure it'll diverge more by the end of this. Still, I hope I do end up interpreting Percival that, in some way, brings justice to him.

As always, thanks to all of you who read this far.