…The child was really starting to wear out my patience!
Wants to take a sword? …Fine. Just don't swing it around out in the open like an idiot. Wants to run around with the other children despite being incapable of doing anything on his own? …Fine. Just don't die and make my life more difficult.
But this?! Constantly coming and going as he pleased?! Making trivial request for stupid plans that have no reason to exist?! By Ares, what was even the point in exploding shoes such as these?! Ineffective as weapons against masters and servants alike!
I'm an architect! An inventor! Not some… some random cobbler off the street!
Such trivial things to make… what a waste of time… I didn't have time for this! I had far more important things to prepare for, for once I had my wish granted…
"…With any luck, he won't-"
The dread sunk in mere moments later when the doors to the workshop burst open.
"Hey Caster, how's it going?"
…Of course... Was this not always how things went for me? Nothing was ever allowed to go will for me, was it?! No… the fates just had to always find a way to-
"…Caster? You hear me o-"
"Yes, child, I heard you loud and clear" I growled, slamming my fist against the workbench. "With how loud you are, I'm fairly certain even the blasted gods could hear you!"
"I'll take that as a complement."
…He had the nerve… the gall… to stand there and smirk?! Was his stupidity truly limitless?!
On the list, but only after Athena...
"Anyways" he continued, "I take it you've had no issues with the shoes?"
"Of course not! Who do you think I am, child?!"
"Only the greatest mind to ever live."
"…"
"I mean, just take a look at these beauties! Well, not like I really know either fashion or shoes-"
Or much of anything, for that matter…
"-but the variance in designs is good. Completely forgot to consider that myself-"
Because of course you would…
"-but yeah, having the same design of shoes scattered across the city would be attention grabbing, for sure. If I didn't know any better, I'd mistake these for genuine Nike, Adidas and… damn, you even replicated Jordans?!"
"You speak as if I'm supposed to know there's a difference…"
"Hmm… Well, for most people, Jordans are considered to be high end; collectable, you know?"
"People in the modern day collect shoes?"
"Caster, the people of today can be found collecting anything and everything" the child laughed. "People are weird."
"As if I needed to be reminded of that" I snorted dismissively. "If you're here for your little toys then take them and go. I got far more important things to work on, and I don't need your distractions."
"…They'll work just as I requested?"
"Yes, yes, of course they will" I growled. "The fact you'd even humor the notion that I'd fail in creating things of such simplicity is an in-"
"Beautiful… I mean, sure, for someone like yourself it's probably nothing, making things like these shoes, but… I know people who'd be watering at the mouth at the sight of these things! The fact you can easily make them without a care in the world… well, is there anything you can't do, Caster?!"
…There they were… eyes that shown so brightly; innocently…
"They're beautiful, father! Is there anything you can't do?!"
…Why? Why did I- did he-
"Hmph, of course not" I waved dismissively. "Naturally, the brands, Athena's brands, are hidden within the inside of the shoes, so as long as you're competent enough to not go around showing them off to every passerby who bothers to give you attention-"
"Hey, I've kept your identity safe so far, haven't I?"
"Truly, a miracle fitting of the grail itself…"
"Hey, I know I'm stupid" he grinned slightly. "Well, comparatively speaking."
Oh good… the child is self-aware… Joy…
"They're all… 'wired up' to one detonator as well?"
"Oh for- Do you have any questions that aren't mind-numbingly stupid?!"
"Um, that sorta… depends… I suppose…"
The child was looking down at the ground, a guilt smile creeping upon his face.
How?! How is he so stupid to think I'm genuinely asking?! Just take your petty toys and get out of here already!
"See… I sorta, kinda… don't have any allies for this plan."
"Who could have ever seen this coming" I rolled my eyes sarcastically. "The fact you couldn't even rope in your supposed allies should be telling, child!"
"I mean, it tells me their hypocrites who simply refuse to play the game optimally, yeah. But that's besides the point. Point is I now lack bait to use, to lure out Berserker. So, I got to thinking-"
"Have you now…"
"-and…" the child grinned up at me, "and… I think I have a solution. One that will make them all move just as I desire them to."
"Best of luck to you, then, child."
"Oh, come on, Caster! At least hear me out!"
"I've already lowered myself to one of your stupid requests. I will not do so again!"
"If it's any consolation, I don't need things like shoes this time."
"Not the point child!"
"Please, Caster! The plan's dead in the water if you don't help me out here!"
"As if I-"
Again, I saw him… Standing there, with those pleading eyes… just like-
I shook my head to dispel the images forming. No! He wasn't him. The child was not him! He wasn't! H-He wasn't…
…Curses…
"…Fine…"
I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. Then another.
"If…" I opened my eyes to see the child looking up at me, hoping against hope. "If I make this… whatever it is you want this time… it will be the last thing I make for you. You will not pester me again with any more of your idiotic requests. Is that clear?"
"I can live with that" he eagerly nodded.
"…Can't believe I'm-" another shake of my head. "What do you need to make this plan of yours work?"
"Well, I need something- rather, a set of somethings-"
…Ugh…
"that can catch Berserker's attention."
"…"
"…"
"…You do have more than that to go by, correct?"
"Of course! See, Berserker's master and Lancer's master know each other quite personally. Used to be friends, apparently, though that appears to no longer be the case. Violently so, in the case of Berserker's master. So, I was thinking we could use that to our advantage! Set off the master-"
"Set off the servant…" I muttered, more so to myself.
…Not the worst thing I've heard from his mouth, I'll grant him that…
"And as it so happens, Lancer's master is a user of wind magecraft, so… You see where I'm-"
"I get the picture" I waved my had, cutting him off. "Something that will replicate the effects of wind magecraft, at least visually, to grab the master's attention and get him moving."
"Hence why I need multiple of the things" the child nodded. "Need to keep him moving; get him frustrated."
"Sounds lovely" I spoke sarcastically, "but all you've done it get Berserker hunting you. I'm not letting you kill yourself and make my life more difficult, child."
"Ah, but he won't be the only master who sees it! Lancer's master will absolutely see it, and, knowing how prideful she is, there is no way she will ignore it. Even if Saber's master understands it's a trap, he'll still go, because both Lancer's master is going and they're allies, and also because he's still trying to save his former friend, Berserker's master."
"Excellent… now you have three servants hunting you down… Truly, a plan of unrivaled brilliance!"
"Except no, because Berserker's master will try to kill them. With reckless abandon. Abandon that the other masters will be unable to ignore, considering that Berserker rampaging unchecked risks exposing the secret world of magecraft to us non magical folk."
"…I see. Yet such a battle will be seen all the same. Doubtful nobody would see servants rampaging through the city streets."
"That's what the shoes are for."
"Hmm?"
"See, I asked you to give them the capability to explode, with a very small explosion, because they'll be going up on the power lines in preparation for the battle. Once I'm set to get the party started, I blow up the shoes, and-"
"There goes the power… And unlike in my time, humans these days are hopeless without power. Keeping them indoors, in the dark… I take it these 'police', as you call them, would also be kept away, needing to deal with the mass outage?"
"That's the ideal scenario. Though, Archer's master is a master illusionist. Even if some people don't hunker down, or some of the police just happen to wander on by, I'm sure she can handle it. Well, really, she's going to have to. Not really giving her a choice, you know?"
"…"
"…"
…It was a worthless plan. A pointless plan. None of it needed to happen at all in order to win the war. But… it wasn't a suicidal plan. …Not inherently. Shouldn't get himself killed, unless he was overly stupid, which… was certainly a risk. But… it would also get him out of my hair for the rest of the war… Not that I couldn't just find another master; Berserker was likely to be put down, if none of the other servants alongside. Surely, there'd be a master willing to form a contract, loath as I'd be to make one, in order to get a second chance at the grail… But as irritating as the child was to deal with, would a different master be any better?
"…"
"…"
"…Very well" I eventually sighed, to the child's blatant delight. "I suppose I have something that will do the trick.
"Great! I'll be back tomorrow evening then to pick them up, along with the shoes."
…One last project for the child… One last project for-
"Oh, and Caster?"
"…What. Now. Child?"
"I'm going to need a map for the location of the five entrances to the labyrinth as well."
…Why do I bother…