This chapter contains s*xual content between two consenting adults. DO NOT READ ON IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18!

Thank you for respecting my wishes. Enjoy the chapter

_

1 Week Later

The jealousy began to consume me even more along with a mix of guilt and anger. I had no right to be angry at Sam, but here I was...angry.

I never out loud expressed my feelings for him, so how could he know? If he did, he probably wouldn't have spent the night with Madison, who was feeling him up, touching parts of him that I have been dying to touch...the thought was too painful for me to think about.

That should've been me, but it wasn't. It wasn't just Sam I was angry at. I was angry at Dean for letting him stay with her and I was angry at myself for not pushing harder for Sam to not stay and for being upset over an innocent woman whom we had to kill.

Dean took note of my behavior. I wounded up spending more time with him and avoided Sam as much as possible. I know that Sam was confused by it, but I couldn't tell him how I felt...not after he had to kill Madison. That would be wrong. I didn't care how jealous I felt. Sam was possibly in a lot of pain and wouldn't want to jump at the opportunity to be with someone else. He would probably go on about how we can't be together because it would make us more vulnerable to the demons or something like that.

We were at a restaurant after a case in California lead us to a filming for a horror movie. The tension between myself and Sam was too great. I didn't need to feel how he felt to know he was growing more and more frustrated the more I avoided him. I could tell how upset he was every time I walked away from him or didn't talk to him when we had a moment alone. His eyes were full of hurt.

Dean was also getting fed up, but today was his boiling point. He stood up and grabbed me by the arm, telling me we needed to talk privately outside. Sam gave a look of concern for me but before he could say anything, Dean and I were already outside. I pushed out of his grip.

"What the hell, Dean?? What's your problem??" I snapped.

"What's MY problem? I should be asking you what YOUR problem is!" he snapped back, "One moment you and Sam are spending a good amount of time together and now you're avoiding him at all costs! Sleeping on the hardwood floor when we get a motel instead of sharing a bed which you were PERFECTLY fine with at first, insisting that you and I only talk, avoiding being alone with him...goddamnit, Sarah, you're acting like a damn teenager with him ever since we left San Francisco!"

Tears began to stream down my face. "I'm...I'm angry, okay??? I'm angry that you set him up with her, I'm angry he got to be with her, I'm angry at myself for allowing myself to get hurt yet again...and I know I shouldn't feel angry for someone who's not with me, but...here we are."

Dean looked at me with pure frustration. "Well then for God sakes, tell him how you feel! I'm tired of watching you hurt yourself and him! Also, you were the one who told me to never tell him how you felt in the first place! I believe the words were, 'Dean, if you told him I will kill you,' am I remembering that right?"

I looked at him, more tears running down my face. "It's not that simple, Dean," I said for probably the hundredth time, my voice getting shakey, "Sam...he's been through too much and if I tell him that I'm in love with him, it'll just end in disaster and ruin everything!"

I stopped myself before I said too much.

I really just admitted it...

I admitted that I was in love with Sam Winchester, to his own brother, who up until this point, probably thought it was a stupid school girl crush.

Dean was taken off guard by my statement but he quickly composed himself. "Look, he at least deserves to know the truth," he said, "You know that. I mean...for God's sake you're REALLY that dense, huh? Sam's had the hots for you since day one, and you really didn't see that?"

I stood there in complete shock, because I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This shouldn't even be new information to me since Taron told me something similar not too long ago.

"He's liked you for a while now, Sarah! He just never admitted it because when you were teenagers, he thought you were way out of his league...which you were, kind of. Now? He REALLY has the hots for you. I catch him all the time looking at you the same way he did years ago! He just doesn't want what happened to Jess to happen to you! I get that you both are hesitant, but really??? I feel like I'm watching a cliché romance soap opera right in front of me!"

I wiped the tears from my face, still looking at Dean. I didn't know a way to respond to this, but Dean interrupted my train of thought.

"You're telling him, tonight. If you don't, I will."

I gasped. "You wouldn't dare!"

He looked at me and grabbed my arm, pulling me back into the restaurant. "Wanna bet?"

We returned to the motel, thank God. The entire car ride was quiet and very awkward.

However, once we got into the parking lot, Dean drove off, saying he needed to "follow a lead on a potential case." He took the credit cards with him because he knew that I would try to book a different room if I knew I was going to be alone with Sam.

I swear, I am going to kill him one day.

With nowhere else to go, Sam and I returned to the motel room in complete silence. I sat on one of the beds, turning my back towards him. Meanwhile, he just stood by the bed, looking at me as if he was trying to figure out what was on my mind.

"So...how long are you going to keep doing this?" he said, finally breaking the silence.

"I don't know what you mean," I said, trying to act clueless.

"Oh please. You've been avoiding me for the past week. You won't talk to me alone anymore, you refuse to sleep in bed with me despite saying it was okay when you came back from Europe...what's gotten into you, Sarah?? I can't read minds, you know!"

"And thank God you don't," I mumbled to myself.

I turned to face him, and the expression on his face made my stomach turn. He looked annoyed with a hint of anger.

"You want the truth?" I said, raising my voice.

He shrugged. "What else is there to tell? Of course I want the truth!"

Well, here goes nothing. "I'm angry...at you...and myself. I know I have no right to be angry with you but I am."

"Wha-"

"Sam, you've spent the night with another woman," I said, tears falling from my eyes, "And...I'm jealous. I know what the both of you did before she died...and I'm just...angry that you did that!"

"Why are you angry about that??" he said, his voice raising, "Why, out of all things that we've been through these past few weeks, does THAT bother you enough to not want to talk to me??"

"Because I'm in love with you!!"

I was taken aback by the sudden outburst, but at this point, I didn't care.

"You...you what?"

I stood up from the bed but still kept my distance. I didn't want to be near him.

"I've liked you since we were teenagers," I said, a bit more softer but tears still streaming down my face, "When I had to go into hiding, my heart broke because I was afraid I would never see you again. Every day, I regretted not telling you, so when I returned...and we spent all that time training for 6 weeks and the weeks that lead up to recent events...I realized that I loved you and I still do."

Sam looked at me expressionless. I knew he was waiting for me to continue my statement so I did, despite my brain telling me to shut the hell up.

"When you spent the night with her...I just...my heart broke because...I kept picturing the both of you...doing stuff that I don't even want to think about...and it hurt so badly. I couldn't look at you without picturing her and I was scared that I was going to lash out on you while also confessing how I really felt. You...you also were hurting and I felt selfish for even feeling jealous in the first place."

Sam scoffed and gave me an annoyed look. "Well...then why in God's name didn't you at least say SOMETHING before Dean and I agreed that I would keep guard? If you weren't comfortable with me staying the night with Madison and told me that, I would have reconsidered and let you or Dean do it without question!"

"Sam, I know you! You would've suspected something was up and...I don't even know if you want me like that and even if you did, you would've turned me down!"

"And what makes you think I would do that? Huh?? You don't know how I'm feeling! Your empath abilities don't work on me, remember?"

"I'm not stupid, Sam! I know you're scared! You push people away when you know they'll get hurt. You're afraid that what happened to your mother, Jess, and now Madison...that it'll happen to me...and damnit, I can't handle the rejection I'll face that I've felt so many times before, okay?? I don't need my abilities to know how you feel because every hunter feels the same thing when they lose someone they love! They become cold, isolating themselves to avoid getting heartbroken again. You're no different, Sam!"

He stood there quietly, almost as if he didn't know how to respond.

Damn his abilities for not allowing me to sense how he is feeling.

Damn Dean for leaving us alone together.

Most of all...damn me. I said too much and there was no going back on my words.

I headed to the bathroom so I could give myself some time to calm down without Sam in the room. My fists were clenched and more tears spilled down my face.

My hand reached for the knob when all of the sudden, I felt two hands grab my shoulders, turn me around, and push my back against the wall. Sam looked at me with intense eyes, his breathing getting really heavy.

"You're right," he said, breathing intensely, "I don't want what happened to them to happen to you, and yes, I'm scared of loosing you forever if the demons reach you, but you know what?"

I couldn't respond. My voice was caught in my throat and a stir in my stomach beginning to grow.

He held my face with both of his hands, forcing me to look at him while his thumbs wiped away my tears.

"I can't hide how I feel about you anymore. I would rather be with you despite us risking our lives every day to hunt than never taking the chance and living with regret if something did happen to you. You're the only one that understands...and I don't want to lose you because we're too stubborn..."

Finally, I found my voice, but the only thing that came out of my mouth was, "Sam..."

He then kissed me on the lips.

I kissed him back, running my fingers through his hair with one hand while the other began to play with the hem of his shirt.

He quickly broke the kiss to take it off and I did the same with mine. Throwing them somewhere in the room, he pressed his lips back against mine with passion while tracing his fingers against the parts of my body that were bare. I pulled him in a bit more so that our skins were touching. The heat from him felt so good against me, and I couldn't help but let out a little moan.

My hands landed on his abs and I began brushing over them with my fingers, admiring his fit body. His hands reached for my breasts and began to squeeze them a bit before reaching behind my back, unhooking my bra and throwing it somewhere else across the room. He continued to explore my body, my now exposed breasts pressed up against his chest. His hands reached downwards from my lower back to my ass, grabbing it firmly. I moaned a bit, opening up my mouth to let his tongue fight against mine and I swear I felt him smirk in the kiss. I began to grind up against his crotch, causing his smirk to go away and he let out a little growl.

"Jesus Christ, Sarah."

Sam then broke the kiss to look at me in surprise. "You're not a virgin, are you?"

"Hell no," I said, grinning rather widely.

Sam's face went from surprise to excitement as he picked me up. My legs wrapped around his waist and he laid me on his bed, going from my lips to my neck, kissing and possibly leaving some marks there. I moaned loudly. This felt so good.

It was all happening so quicky, but I didn't want it to stop. It didn't feel wrong at all, as if this was meant to happen. This also felt so much different from the last times I was with the others as there was a genuine connection between Sam and me.

One of Sam's hands went down to my pants but stopped short near the wasteband. He stopped kissing my neck and looked at me, asking for permission to touch me just with those damn eyes.

"Please...Sam...touch me," I said, my voice coming out huskier than usual.

He smiled before kissing me again on the lips. His hand went past my pants and underwear and he began stroking near my folds, getting me more turned on. He used his thumb to make little circles on my clit, watching me to make sure that the pacing was something I enjoyed.

I gasped as he put one finger inside me and began curling, hitting my g spot. Pleasure ran through my body as I started to move my hips and pull a bit on his hair. Sam, meanwhile, was enjoying watching me work towards my climax with just his finger as his forehead rested against mine. He added another one inside while continuing to stroke my clit with his thumb. He wanted to make sure I was fully ready for him while also making sure I got the most out of this.

I knew it wasn't fair for just me to have all the fun, so my hand reached for his crotch area and I began to stroke the outside. Sam gasped a little bit at my sudden touch but that was replaced with him groaning. I felt him get harder and his moans got louder as I began to pick up the pace a bit.

I tried to unbutton his pants so I could give him more but he swatted my hand away and kissed down my chest. He unbuttoned my pants, taking them and my underwear off and throwing them away. I was completely naked while Sam was just missing his shirt. He pulled my legs apart and began kissing and biting the inside of my thighs while both of his hands had a firm grip on my hips.

"You're so beautiful," he said in between the kisses.

Sam's face reached my sex and he stopped short. I whined a little bit as I felt his breath hitting my core. He looked up at me.

Damn his teasing.

"Damnit Sam..." I said, completely breathless, "T-taste me."

I blushed at what I just said. I wasn't very good at dirty talk, but this came out of nowhere.

Sam grinned mischievously and began to lick my core slowly, trying to find the right pace for me. I grabbed a fistfull of his hair and started to pull his head towards my clit. Sam growled and began to lick a bit faster once he reached my clit before inserting his finger back inside me, pumping it in and out. My hands let go of his hair and I began to claw on the sheets, panting so loudly that I was pretty sure the motel staff were going to get noise complaints. I didn't care at this point, though. I was seeing glimpses of heaven and I really did not want to come back down to Earth.

My legs began to spread wider as Sam devoured me, hitting every right spot. The climax was starting to build up as he continued to suck on my clit, eating me out like he was afraid he wouldn't experience this again.

I finally reached my climax, my high coming down a little bit but not a whole lot as I knew what was coming up next. Sam looked back at me and smirked, wiping his lips before coming back on top of me. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips before getting up to remove his pants and underwear. He went over to Dean's side of the room to grab a condom from his suitcase. I couldn't help but giggle. Of course Dean had a box load of condoms.

"Not like he'll miss this," he said chuckling.

He put the condom on his large boner and began to line himself up near my entrance, hovering over me. "You sure you want this, Sarah?" he asked with sincerity in his voice.

I could tell how turned on he was but I knew he wouldn't do anything unless I explicitly said "yes."

I nodded. "Sam I'm sure. I want you right now, as long as you want this as well."

He gave me a loving smile, kissing me on my forehead before slowly entering me, moving his head from my forehead to my neck.

It has been a while since I last had sex so it felt odd at first. It wasn't painful, thankfully, as Sam took his time and made sure I was prepared earlier like the gentleman he is.

The odd feeling was then replaced with pleasure as Sam continued to roll his hips, hitting me in all the right spots like he did with his fingers earlier. I let out a moan in approval and he began to thrust in me a bit faster. I moved my hips a bit to meet with his and wrapped my legs around his waist while also grabbing his hair again, trying to find something to hold on to. The build up from earlier was starting to return as he began kissing my breasts before returning to my neck, kissing and biting some areas that I'm sure will show up as marks tomorrow.

His thrusts began to get faster while our moans began to grow much louder and the bed began to creak. It may have been getting a bit rougher, but when our eyes met for a split second, I saw not just lust, but love as well.

"Sam...I...I'm close!!" I shouted.

"Almost there, too, baby," he said through gritted teeth as he started to rub my clit again with his thumb while his free hand gripped my shoulder. His panting and moaning were getting more intense, thrusting himself in every right spot as I began to climax again. I countinued to tug at his hair while also stroking his neck, my moans getting louder.

I finally let out one final scream, calling out Sam's name and gasping for air. He finished shortly after and became very still, also trying to catch his breath. It took him a few moments for him to finally pull out of me, throwing the used condom in the trash while I went to the bathroom real quick to clean up. We both returned to the bed and he pulled me close to him, stroking my bare shoulder as I wrapped one arm around his torso and laid my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"I'm sorry," I said, "For...not saying something sooner. Like I said, I shouldn't have gotten angry at you, and...I'm sorry..."

He looked at me and gave me a sympathetic smile, moving from stroking my shoulder to my hair. "No, you were right. I would've pushed you away because I would have been scared. I just...I don't want to lose you like I've lost everyone else."

"You've seen some things no human should see...and what we do...it comes at a great cost."

He nodded. "But...being here with you right now...I realize that while I am a little scared, with you...I'm willing to take that chance. You've always been good at fighting for yourself and for the people you love. I just...I don't want to live in fear as much anymore, and you've helped me let go of that fear as time went on. For the first time in a while...I actually feel some kind of hope...being with someone."

I looked up at him, giving a small smile. "I feel the same way...and...I feel safe and loved. I want to continue to feel that way even when it seems like there's no end in sight."

He smiled back at me before leaning in to give me a gentle kiss. He then turned me around so my back was against his chest. His fingers began to stroke my bare skin, putting me into a bit of a sleep. Another arm wrapped around me and pulled me close so we were spooning.

"Also...Sarah..."

"Yes?" I said as I began to close my eyes.

"I love you, too."

I felt myself begin to smile as I drifted off to sleep with Sam holding me close, feeling like this is where I belonged.