Asynchronous With You
Chapter Four
Hinata spent the remainder of the school day with one ear on Iruka-sensei's lecture and one eye on her foster brother.
It was almost as if she was waiting for some kind of transformation to occur. She tries to get used to thinking of Naruto the same way she thinks of Neji. She tries to pull those comforting, security-instilling feelings over the intensity radiating in her heart, like a pillow over a sleeping face. She smothers that intensity with all of her strength, but then it wakes up. It won't stop flailing and screaming beneath her. And when her arms tire and the intensity quiets down, she knows she hasn't killed it yet. It'll take many more attempts, but she'll stay vigilant. Even if she can only render it comatose, this one-sided pain will become manageable.
But it's strange. The way she had envisioned ridding the world of herself a few days ago, that she would be nothing more than a blank silhouette in the photo albums of people's minds, the same thing happens when she imagines Naruto as nothing more than a brother. He's smudged out, almost faceless. There's a remnant of recognition that nags at her, echoing like a bell, but otherwise, he becomes nothing to her. And she hates herself for it.
That's not how things were going to go. She promised to be a better sister to him. She promised that she wouldn't let him feel that loneliness ever again.
Even as a brother, he has to remain her everything. No conditions.
"Hinata-san, can you read the next passage?" called Iruka-sensei.
"Yes," Hinata stood, holding up the novel. "'What transforms this world is - knowledge. Do you see what I mean? Nothing else can change anything in this world. Knowledge alone is capable of transforming the world, while at the same time leaving it exactly as it is. When you look at the world with knowledge, you realize that things are unchangeable and at the same time are constantly being transformed,'" she sat down and Iruka-sensei went on to further explain what the author was communicating through the scene.
Hinata resumed gazing at the back of her foster brother's blond bed head.
She hardly needs Iruka-sensei's hand-holding to understand the author's meaning.
She's living it right now.
She knows her feelings, but that alone does not reshape her world. It neither dooms her nor blesses her. It's stagnant. Neutral. Indifferent.
The knowledge of their relationship is out there; their relationship which goes unchanged no matter if it were known or not known. But the transformation that they'll undergo will only be because of the world's reactions. Even still, no matter how the world transforms them in their eyes, their relationship will not truly change.
This is the cruel duality she lives in.
She now knows nihilism better than she ever has.
Once the final bang has rung and her school bag heavy with her books, she scuttles for the exit. But then his voice stops her.
"Hinata."
She tosses one look at Ino and Sakura who are waiting for her outside the classroom, holds up one finger to them, and goes to see what Naruto wants.
He's sitting on the open window sill, the chill of sundown biting at her cheeks. Any colder than this he usually hates, but right now he finds it refreshing, maybe even cleansing. That fire of his that burns at all hours throughout all four seasons, sometimes he's gotta get that soot and smoke out of his soul.
His eyes are shadowed in caution, and his typical Naruto nonchalance is blatantly counterfeit, at least to her expert eyes. Her hands long to grasp his, to scrape her supple palms against his calluses, but she can't.
"What is it?"
Even as he speaks, he reveals nothing of what he's truly feeling. It's something he believes he must protect her from. "Don't let them push you too hard, okay? I can always be nearby if it gets too much."
Hinata tilted her head, her silken midnight hair sliding off her shoulder. Is this what's been on his mind?
"Would you really be okay with that?" She almost wanted to palm her face with an abrupt smack. Only her stupid humility would utter such a redundant thing. Already he was making good on his promise to her, that he would meet her efforts by being a better brother to her than he's ever been, and for some reason, she's getting all shy?
"Yeah. Hinata, I really want you to rely on me. Look, I know you never had to ask for anything before, but that's changing, alright? You have to complain more, not just to me," when the weight of his hands sinks around her shoulders, she feels hugged, but it's not enough. He tugs her down so that she's eye level with him, so that she sees the depth of his concern; concern that he needs her to adopt. "You'll keep hating yourself if you continue bottling shit up, or have an outburst you can't control. I'm saying this because you're obviously still moody as hell," this observation caused her skin to flush with shame. "But if you think you'll be okay, then honestly tell me and I'll wait for you back home."
She sucked her tongue against her palate as she swallowed down the discomfort growing inside her like creeping vines. He's reminding her why she occasionally could give two shits about not deserving him, because she'd take him by force if she were able.
With a shaky exhale, she nods. "Pick up ramen for dinner?"
The shadows lift from his eyes, his expression brightening. His face looks like the traditional Inari mask when he's radiating with contentment like that, his eyes crinkling as they crescented shut and his grin so broad his cheeks looked like they'd burst. "Hell yeah! I'll get every kind of ramen just like last time! Or we can pick them out together."
Her heart held its breath, her options weighing heavily in each hand.
Just his smile alone right now could cure her, she thinks. But she rarely accurately estimates herself. Right now, how was she feeling? What was the current temperature of her soul?
She released her answer in a single breath. "Can you be nearby? At least until I say otherwise."
Even though he would've been fine going on ahead, it was obvious this made him happier.
Somehow, his eyes had never looked bluer.
"It absolutely sickens me," Sakura fussed as she grabbed her order from the counter. "Just the thought of living with him! Are you really safe? You can tell me the truth."
"I'm fine, Sakura. You're assuming too much about him."
"'Assuming'?! How am I assuming? That's exactly how he is!"
"It's out of proportion," Hinata muttered beneath her breath.
They carried their meal trays to the last booth in the back of the restaurant, tucked in the corner by the restrooms. Hinata had no choice but to slide in first, with Ino sliding in next to her. If only she had walked a little slower or paused to grab more napkins. Sakura sat down opposite them.
"It must be too traumatizing to talk about," Sakura continued, "Let's decide on a code word, and then when you're in trouble-"
The more Sakura talked, the more jitters climbed up her throat. Guilt and wrongness amplified beneath her skin, her sins surfacing like capillaries after being squeezed too hard.
"Sakura, please. I don't know what sort of things you're imagining, and honestly, I'm afraid what those things might be-"
Both hands smacked the table, green eyes staring at her with dead seriousness. "How about the usual sexual pranks, hm? Or his deviant behavior. Infiltrating women's spaces, peeping, passing around nudes with no consideration for their privacy-"
"What-" Hinata can't wrap her head around that last one just yet. But only busybody Sakura would somehow know this about him.
"He's so arrogant he'll fool around anywhere, totally disregarding others' feelings, because being enabled gives him a power trip. He's a garbage human being."
Is this what she came along for? Are they just blithely shit-talking or is this a PSA she's supposed to take seriously?
As Hinata wallows in her emotions, sorting them out like she's doing a taxonomic classification of wild bird feathers, she can't seem to find it in her heart to adopt any semblance of disgust for him. She supposes that her own self-loathing is just far too great.
So Naruto sneaks into the girls' lockers rooms. It's not nearly as unwanted as Sakura believes. He's gotten so popular, after all. Besides, Hinata's sure that luring him into the laundry room whilst half-naked was a worse sexual prank.
Sakura jutted her forefinger upwards. "What about all those times he tries to pass for female in the girls' bathrooms? It's so disrespectful on every level!"
Hinata doesn't have a good rebuttal. She knows she's grotesquely biased when all she can think of is how many years he spent practicing that vocal impression, and how it'd be a waste of hard-earned skill to completely stop using it. "He's not still doing that, is he? I only remember him doing that during his prank video phase."
"Oh, he still does. I nearly broke his nose with the bathroom door last month, too."
"Well, at least the recording part was a phase," Ino added.
"Tch. Because his videos kept getting taken down, right? He's lucky he never got arrested for that crap."
Like Hinata said, he was pranking for views. There was no evidence he was peeping for peeping's sake. And these days, he doesn't need to peep.
In fact, isn't the biggest peeper here herself? And on her foster brother no less. Could any wrong that Naruto commits ever top that?
Sakura angrily munched on her chicken katsu, giving Hinata enough reprieve to dig into her cream pasta. Ino seemed like she was just here to relish in the atmosphere.
"Okay, speaking of disgusting videos, have you seen this one from last July?" Sakura began to scroll through her phone. "I saved it just before he decided to take it down."
Whatever it was, Hinata didn't think it could be any worse than tricking your foster brother into bouncing your breasts.
Sakura displayed her phone screen, showing Naruto sitting in a lifeguard chair with a selfie stick. She pressed play with her thumb.
"Hey, it's ya boy! I'm stranded here again this summer 'cuz I gotta take remedial classes. While all you motherfuckers are having a fun time on your school trip, I went and got creative," He turned in the seat and twisted at the waist, bringing a pool full of girls into view below him. Was this the school pool? How did he get away with this? "We gonna start the conteeeest! Whoever can slingshot their bikini bottom onto the throne gets treated like an Empress for the night. I'm talkin' hotel suite and top shelf whiskey! Let's goooo!" Some of the girls got ahead of themselves, as a g-string bounced off the back of his head.
"See what I mean?" Sakura looked like she was going to keel over from all the trashiness.
How had he promised all of that? Had Sasuke given him an early birthday present or something? And had this been a private post? She never saw this in his feed.
Hinata reached out and took the phone. Sakura seemed triumphant, as though assured she had finally made her case.
But as Hinata rewatched the video on mute over and over again, up to five or seven times, she was only aware of a vague burning in her chest. Out of all the people he had hoped to make jealous, she had definitely not been on that list.
Unlike the previous heartaches that made her ribs brittle and creak, this time she felt her entire being swallowed up by brand new emotions, ones so foreign and intense that she nearly mistook the act of living as a head sickness in of itself.
Why go on in this overly sensitive body if being alive only fed her toxins? She would have to be mad. And yet she felt this way, and she wouldn't put a name to it until later tonight, when she finally put her down to rest: It was FOMO.
Hinata didn't even know which end of that contest she had wished to have been a part of.
Because the way she saw it, that throne of his was already theirs.
Hinata handed the phone back. She swirled her chopsticks in her cream pasta and resumed eating her meal.
Sakura and Ino watched on, the conversation suspended and unresolved.
"Why are we talking about him so much?" Hinata mumbled, the flavor of her food dulling on her tongue. "You've always complained about him before, but now that he's my foster brother, it's this much of a problem? This is truly unlike any of your passive gossip, Sakura. Besides... Naruto-kun's just enjoying his life. As he should-"
"Amen," Ino raised her caramel milk tea before taking a noisy sip. Sakura rolled her eyes.
"And a final thing: There's nothing that Naruto-kun can do that'll bother me."
"Famous last words," Ino chuckled beneath her breath, earning a pinched glare.
Sakura sank back against the booth, sharing an uncertain look with Ino. "You two are... really that close, huh? That's crazy..."
Hinata bit her tongue before a disappointed laugh could escape. "I'd like to think so."
"Mmhmmm," Ino intoned, bringing all the attention onto herself. "That's the dilemma, isn't it? You don't feel close enough. In fact, you never feel close enough, do you Hinata?" Ino flashed her a Cheshire grin. When Hinata remained as still as a statue for nearly a minute, Ino's knowing smile grew. "That's why I asked you here, poor, sweet girl. You looked like you were dying inside earlier. Like that whole announcement earlier was just one giant cry for help. Was I wrong?"
"What?" Sakura's eyes darted between the two young women, confusion and alarm outpacing each other on her face. "Wait, Ino, what're you getting at?"
A riptide of sickness surged beneath Hinata's feet and pulled her under. No. This wasn't happening. Her secrets were not getting out, not now, not ever. Strap her down and hook her up to a lie detector test, but she did not love him, she did not want him, and she most certainly did not cross any boundaries with him.
She can't allow the world to transform her into a degenerate. It's her own fault, but still.
Her smartphone's in her hand. She keeps rolling it in her fingers but she can't bring herself to turn on the screen and call him.
But he was right.
"This is too much," she rasped. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."
Melancholy drizzled over their table as the girls sobered up and focused on their meals.
Hinata texted out her SOS.
Hinata: please come get me.
Minutes passed in tense silence. Only when his approach stopped at their table was there finally air to breathe.
"Girl-talk's over."
Sakura made it apparent to not acknowledge him as she angled her face away. Ino had this unusual cowed expression, her eyes caught somewhere between intrigue and fright. She slid out of the booth with her chin tucked to her neck.
Hinata gathered her bag and shrugged on her frosted pink parka before stepping out and joining Naruto's side.
From the corner of their eyes, they saw how Naruto wrapped his arm protectively around Hinata's shoulders.
Sakura and Ino shared an uneasy look, with Ino looking ready to laugh it all off.
"Naruto-kun, what did you do last summer?"
"Huh? I told you, didn't I?"
"I mean, what else did you do last summer?"
"I swear I told you everything."
Their conversation cut off as the two exited through the automatic doors.
Ino slid down the booth as if a gun had been pointed at her head.
"God, that was scary," Ino laughed, but Sakura did not share in her amusement.
"If you know something's going on with them, Ino-buta-"
"Honey, I don't know anything now that she up and left."
"Well, maybe we should investigate! For her own safety!"
"You're just a meddler."
"And you're not?"
"Okay, let me rephrase: You're a homewrecker. Your hate-boner is so huge and heavy, you can't but swing it at the foundations of something good. So take my advice, and whatever you feel like doing that has to do with them, don't." Ino had to plug her ears when Sakura came at her hard, their bickering would continue for the next ten minutes until the manager told them to knock it off.
On the train ride home, an empty pit was forming in Ino's chest. She can't forget the mini-meltdown that had played out behind Hinata's eyes, or the smug happiness when he circled his arm around her shoulders.
To think her friend would settle for this much. No matter what Hinata said, it would always be a lie.
Even when she's pressed against his side like a girlfriend… 'You still don't feel close enough, do you Hinata?'
It happened just like Naruto said it would.
Ino had posted to the KNHS group page that she and Naruto were step-siblings.
No, that was not a mistake.
Because of her deliberate error, Naruto got baited into replying, telling everyone that they were Fooooster siiiiblings. There's no DomeKano bullshit going on. We're both orphans in every sense of the word, and no dumb fucks better make that mistake!
Quote-unquote.
This had then trapped Naruto into an hours-long fielding of questions that he had no interest in answering. Except, he was pretty weak to the attention. And since he was irascible, he was easily trolled and failed to find his way out of the ensuing back-and-forth.
Neither she nor Naruto were sure if that was Ino's revenge for girl-talk cut short, or if she was simply an evil genius who had done Hinata a huge favor, but in the end, Hinata made sure to leave her a package of Mini Pudding Chocolates in her shoe locker the following morning.
It was certainly an adjustment, to say the least.
She was rarely ever approached by other students unless it was about homework, club activities, PMC investigations, or coordinating cleaning duty.
Now people were coming up to her about Naruto.
"Hey, PMC Prez! You're not doing a very good job! Your brother just barricaded one of the stairwells with furniture from the Home-Ecs class!"
"Do you have to keep him in line at home, too? My god, that must be exhausting! No wonder you're always gloomy!"
"Hey, Naruto's sister! C'mere, c'mere!" beckoned a tanned gyaru. "Can you deliver this for me?" she handed her a black shopping bag with an item inside.
"What is it?"
"Well, whatever it is, don't look at it, or you'll have to confiscate it. And I promised him last week I'd have it ready."
"What is it?" Hinata urged with an annoyed glare.
The gyaru beckoned her to come even closer and lean in, so she did. Then the gyaru curled her hand around Hinata's ear and whispered.
"It's an onahole. I cloned my pussy with a mold kit. Pretty sick, yeah? Now he'll always reach for me even when I'm not there." She had the audacity to wink.
Hinata was sorely tempted to chuck it off the third-story walkway.
She resisted and upheld her duty as the Public Morals Committee President.
Naruto never would've guessed that being foster sibs with Hinata would've raised his profile this much. But now he was wondering what he had ever been so anxious about in the first place. This was the greatest thing ever!
To start, people were talking about him more. He absolutely loved hearing his name as he walked the halls, even if it was just gossip. Recently, his sempais began to recognize him now, and they didn't shy away from greeting him.
Most of the time it was indirect and teasing, like "Yo, PMC's bro! Hey, what's it like living with her? She got you on a tight leash or anything?"
"Don't be stupid," He laughed. "Hinata's only that way 'cuz she has to be."
And when four tough guys from third-year approached him, they treated him like one of their own.
The tallest dude with the black punch-perm leaned on him with his arm around his shoulder. "I hear you're a real troublemaker."
"I'm a professional," Naruto gleamed.
"Haha! Good answer, good answer! So tell me, does she look the other way, or do you outsmart her?"
"Hinata? Mmm. I don't think she gives me special treatment or anything."
"Then you outsmart her."
Naruto's face turned stern. "Hinata's going to graduate top of her class."
The punch-perm deadpanned. "That's not what I mean."
One day, some guys from Class 1-C dared him to test the limits of his privilege, seeing how he was the brother of the PMC.
Unable to resist, he stole enough furniture to barricade the south wing stairwell and declared it Naruto no Kuni. Entry was to be paid in taxes, in the form of limited items from the cafeteria, or Ichiraku coupons.
Needless to say, Hinata arrived pretty flustered.
He tried to bribe her with the taxes he had accrued, but she breathlessly advised him to return everything to the Home-Ecs room.
In response, he stuffed his shirt with two extra-large anpan packages and pressed his arms together, pushing up his 'cleavage' while he used his best female impression on her.
He didn't expect that to be the thing that broke her. When she lit up like a Rinne light and was stammering like the Hinata of the past, she ran off defeated, her composure compromised. He didn't think that counted as 'going too far', but apparently he had.
And seeing her a sputtering, blushy mess like that gave him pause. The fleeting excitement from her extreme reaction had given way to a sense of suspension that he didn't understand. Maybe because it revealed to him the possibility that she didn't react that way because of him, but because of what he'd been pretending to be. And if that was a glimpse of the well-hidden Hinata, then, in reality, that reaction was off-limits to him.
He still doesn't know since that day when she said she might bring a girlfriend around, but...
Did Hinata, in fact, like girls?
That reaction had to be proof, right?
And if so... When the fuck was she going to tell him?
In the end, once the UN arrived, (their teachers), Naruto no Kuni was shortly dismantled. And his treasury, seized. And his borders dissolved, (returned to the Home-Ecs room).
But that was okay. This was just the start of his new, fun school life.
"Naryunkyuuun!"
Naruto recognized the voice. He recognized it better when it was moaning and cussing praises beneath him. But the nickname was new.
She flew at his feet, a whirl of tan skin, bleached blonde hair, and teal dip-dye. She stood bent over to catch her breath, then looked up, embarrassed and panicked. Her circle lenses are gold today.
"'suh?" He's forgotten her name. Maybe if her looks stayed a little more consistent, he might have a face to attach her name to.
She raised an apologetic hand in front of her face and giggled awkwardly. "I messed up. Your sis confiscated it."
"RIP? What's that gotta do with m- oof!" A sharp pain erupted in his ribs. Naruto smacked Sasuke's elbow away and was about to give him an earful when the younger Uchiha slung his arm around his shoulder and began to lead them away from imminent disaster.
Sasuke cupped his mouth and whispered. "Your 'gift' got confiscated."
"My gift?" Naruto attempted to duck out from Sasuke's hold, but Sasuke held him back.
"Don't ask her what it was. She'll be pissed you forgot."
"So? She ain't no Sakura-chan. She can be pissed," Again, Naruto attempted to return the gyaru in question, but Sasuke tugged him back. Naruto squinted at him "What, do you know what my gift was?"
"How could you forget?" Sasuke's eyes turned expectant as he mimed an indecent gesture. When Naruto didn't get it, Sasuke rolled his eyes, then tugged on his cardigan sleeve.
Naruto's face devolved into ape-like interest as his mouth formed an 'o', then his eyes finally lit up with understanding. And that understanding soon evolved into realization. And with that realization came horror, and then panic.
"Hinata's got my sleeve," he muttered lifelessly. The thought of his pure naif of a foster sister holding his masturbator, looking on with repugnance surfaced with startling vividness, and he felt every bruise on ego. His eyes shot wide open as the mental scene progressed with Hinata inspecting the toy out of overwhelming curiosity, her finger one knuckle-deep in silicone pussy. No, she can't! "Hinata's got my sleeve!" Naruto threw Sasuke's arm from his shoulders and darted off down the opposite end of the hall. Shooting past the gyaru, he didn't miss a beat. "HOW COULD YOU LET HER TAKE IT?!"
He's gotten good at maneuvers like that, after his weekly practice of suicides on the field.
And then he was gone, like lightning.
Fuck!
He didn't hide anything that he didn't want Hinata to know. It would've been too much work if he tried. Whatever people have to say about him, she hears, and he doesn't care. He's still Naruto to her. And whatever people have to say he did, she hears, and he doesn't care. He's still Naruto. She knows what he's up to, she knows what he's about, and she knows how often he hunts in their little ecosystem that was high school. Sooner or later, his life was going to spill into hers, and he knew that. He had warned her and when it didn't seem so bad, he had let his guard down.
This was one of those things he shouldn't have let jump streams.
Intellectually, she might know him to be a hot commodity around school, hell, she might even be able to correctly guess his body count. (He was pushing for the holy number 69; a meme so strong, it instills OCD in those who overvalue its power).
But she's never known who those numbers were.
And she's never known what that side of the stream even looks like.
If there was anything he wished to hide from her, it was his sex life, and all its filthy details.
He didn't know what kind of Naruto he was going to look like to her then, but just the thought scared him anew. As if she'd finally find reason to be embarrassed of him, to distance herself or to simply declare hating him.
"Neji-niisan's my only family."
Cathartic as their making up had been, it didn't erase his doubts, rather it presented him with an ultimatum: Strive to earn that special place in her heart, or risk hearing those words again.
He arrived at the PMC staff room like a bulldozer down a steep incline. Hinata's fellow committee officers were filing in and out like worker ants. Using his larger frame to push through, he caused a ruckus. The smaller officers shrieked as they got caught in the door frame or were nudged none too kindly out of the way. He caught a glimpse of the contraband lined up on a large table, then their eyes met, two different shades of panic with neither of them being able to explain what was happening.
Three of her male officers came running up to him. They were yelling at him and ordering him to get out. Naruto gripped the door frame as they used their body weight on him like a battering ram. They shoved at his arms, pushed at his clavicle, anything they could do to dislodge him because he was disrupting everything. Protocol, civil harmony, you name it.
The clipboard came down on the table like a whip. The sharp crack of her anger cleaved through the chaos. Her neck was taut, her face flushed and eyes glimmered dangerously.
"Naruto. Step outside."
Pettiness was an impulse, and he released the door frame and obeyed her so perfectly that his absence sent her men tumbling to the floor.
He backed up until he was standing in the shade of the opposite hallway, with his hands in his pockets and his head hung low.
She took her sweet time coming out to meet him, as she clip-clopped across. Evidently, she didn't reciprocate his distress with the urgency that was due. And as he looked up from the oh-so-interesting patterns of the linoleum tiles, he found that she was unwilling to look him in the eye.
"You're not getting it back," she said, using the same low tone from their younger years when they'd stay up all night talking.
No, he didn't want to hear that voice speak with such disappointment!
His left hand clutched the nape of his neck, then his right hand joined. He folded forward at the waist, growl-whining at the impasse he found himself in. "But you're not going to have any use for it."
"Excuse me?"
"C'mon, Hinata. I'm a growing boy! A human being! I thought you of all people would understand."
Hinata flinched back, blinking unnervingly fast as if he'd just slapped her across the face. Her neck then mottled red, the color rising to corrupt her smooth complexion. Dread sank in again because no matter how careful he wishes to be with her, his most unsavory parts were always faster and louder; It was like if there were ten of him in a bar and only one of her, 9 times out 10 he was going to fuck up.
He watched as she straightened her shoulders and rose herself up a little higher. But still, she couldn't look at him.
"That was objectively the worst thing you could have possibly brought-"
"I didn't bring it!"
"It's still yours, isn't it?! What do you expect me to do?! You're lucky I didn't put you down as a reason that a sex toy," she hissed vehemently, causing him to flinch by the sheer intensity, "was brought into school! That girl is getting a one-on-one with the Dean and her homeroom teacher later. Or would you like to join her? Make a show of solidarity? Because technically, you encouraged this. So what are you going to do, Naruto-kun?"
Fuck.
Fuuuck.
His jaw shifted side to side as he willed the wet film over his eyes to clear up. Even though her face was distorted and blurry, he could still make out the sharpness of her indignance. It almost felt like he was being scolded by Sakura. Maybe it'd be so much easier if this were the beginning of the plot Attack of the Bodysnatchers. That way he could save Hinata and she wouldn't be mad at him.
The first thing that came out of his mouth was the truth. "I barely know her..."
Hinata slow-blinked, not in the way a cat does when it loves you, but more in the way like she was waking up from a strange dream.
"So you don't want to be involved?"
"Like I said, I barely know her..." She might be No. 35, but then again she might be No. 39. It's gotten really hard to tell.
"Okay. Well... Then this was a pretty rotten prank, Naruto, even for you."
How did dropping the honorific happen to sound less affectionate than when she does use it?
"Hinata," he called out, causing her to turn around as she stood halfway between him and the PMC staff room. "Can I still... help you get it off of school grounds?" Internally he was shaking his head at himself. Relentless. He was relentless! He should've taken the 'L' and dropped it, but no, he had to show that getting his rocks off was his main priority in life.
"You can pick it up from the trash at the end of the day."
The rest of the day sucked, and Sasuke could tell. He commented on Naruto's lifelessness during lunch.
"It's cursed now," Naruto said.
"Cursed?"
"The onahole. There's no way I'll be able to get off when all I picture is Hinata's disappointed face."
Involuntary laughter caused Sasuke to inhale his hojicha. He pounded his chest, as the uncontrollable snickering escaped his lips in buzzing spurts. Just when he cleared his trachea and his amusement had died down, the image came racing back and he collapsed on his side, roaring and gasping and clutching his sides.
Naruto was the gift that kept on giving.
I know I'm the stupid brother, but... Naruto peeked up from the lesson, his ears keenly focused on her voice as Hinata recited the passage, while Iruka-sensei intently listened, that cordial smile on his face.
This man has followed them through every year since Kindergarten. No one really knew why. And no one really minded, either.
But what did he get out of it? There had to be a reason.
Hinata sat down as she finished the passage.
As Iruka-sensei thanked her and returned to the lesson, Naruto swore something had evaporated from Iruka-sensei face, like a glint of amber sunlight or something gauzier and sweeter than that. But as he watched Iruka-sensei closer, he began to question if he saw anything at all.
Weird.
She had told him via text to come over to the Volunteers Association club room instead. She had club-related activities to hash out, and she would only be able to take him to the PMC staff room once she was done.
When everyone had gone home, he found Hinata working busily over a map of the city. Every district was color-coded, and every park and public area was lassoed in permanent blue marker; it looked like a mosaic, or the cross-section of the ugliest gemstone ever seen.
He strolled in with fingers laced behind his head. It seemed like the day had been long enough to clear the tension between them, and he wanted to take advantage of this brief normalcy. "Huh. Is this how you figure out where you're gonna clean next?"
"Mm-hm." She didn't look up. Okay, maybe a little less than normal.
"Cool, cool," he sat down across from her, half-heartedly watching her work. She moved between her phone and her notebook, jotting down phone numbers and their facility names. She also included their hours, their level of access, stray observations of the area's foot traffic at a given time of day, things like that. He didn't really get it, but it must mandatory information otherwise she wouldn't be doing this. I'm the stupid brother, but... I've got a really impressive sister. Despite the bittersweetness that persisted to wedge itself in every faultline of his being, he still smiled. "You're really something else, Hinata."
"Hm?" A confused frown briefly deepened across her features, then she went back to stoic concentration. "What does that mean?"
"Uhhh," He blushed and stammered because this was one of the rare times he ever regretted speaking subconsciously. Most of the time he happily ate his words, but this wasn't one of those times. "Well, you're an Honor Student, you're President of not only your club but the PMC. You wake up every day early enough to make us breakfast and bento. You come here, voluntarily putting up with everyone's shit, mine included, then soon as we get home you're making us dinner. And then you're shuttling off to Cram School right after. Like, I just can't think of anyone more caring or more put-together than you. You're just... You're like the embodiment of harmony. Everything fuckin' works because of what you do in the background, and it's dope as hell. You've got this sixteen-hour workday, but you don't hate it. You keep doing more. Man, it almost feels religious with you-"
"Religious?" she looks at him askance, and he realizes he'd been rambling. A quick replay in his mind and he sounds like a crazy person spouting nonsense.
"Religious, yeah, religious..." He slouches and crosses his legs, trying to figure out where he was going with that. "Uh, y'know, it's like... You do all this shit for a later payout."
"My devotion will grant me heaven."
Naruto pounded the table once and pointed a finger-gun at her. "That's perfect. Yeah, that's totally what I was going for. But ya know what? That's exactly what's going to happen. Because you're amazing, Hinata! You're going to graduate top of our class, you're gonna go to one of the Top 3's, get your Master's or whatever-"
The bell-like chime of her giggle lightens his heart. The sound disperses the nerves he never knew he had jittering inside his chest.
"What?" he laughs.
"It sounds like you've got it all figured out."
Naruto smiled broadly and nodded. "I do."
But then her light went out, and it felt like he'd been pushed into a cold room. "For me, that is. Not for you," she returned to the map, tapping her mechanical pencil between various points.
Naruto frowned. He slouched further down in his seat and kicked his foot like he needed to shake something icky off. "Mm, no."
"No?"
"'Cuz that is the plan. You being the best of us three," The atmosphere grew weird and quiet. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything, after all. The way she looked at him with such incredulity, made him small and inexplicably guilty.
"Sure," she mumbled, resuming her work. He got the explicit feeling that he's been nothing but a nuisance to her lately. He really was the stupid brother.
Exasperation sat in his chest. He wanted to turn this around. He hated being useless to her, even if he put himself there.
"Hinata."
"Naruto-kun," the way she mimicked his tone really needled at his ego, but he brushed it off. She had to hear this.
"Thank you. For all that you do."
Her spine turned rigid, her grip increased around her pencil. Her eyes took on a glassy sheen, and her milky skin flushed a pretty shade of strawberry. He heard her swallow, then slowly breathe. She nodded, apparently too choked up to speak.
Naruto's patented grin stretched across his face. "But seriously, are you a workaholic or something?"
She let out a wet laugh. "I wonder."
"Man, I wonder if anyone'll ever be a good match for you. You might actually be too intimidating."
"'Intimidating'?"
"Yeah, y'know... Whoever's gonna wanna date you might realize that there's nothing they can give you. They'll think they have no purpose in your life."
There she goes again, looking at him like he's schizophrenic; like he's talking about things that aren't really there, things that don't actually track with reality's narrative.
"No way," her face dipped down, ever to shy away from praise. "Besides, I don't like thinking about it like that."
Naruto folded his arms atop the table and leaned forward. "But what kind of purpose could they have if things were like that? I think the relationship would probably be strictly physical at that point, right? Could there be someone out there that'd be satisfied with just that?"
Her gaze danced around, from him to the empty space over his shoulder, to a thought formulating in the upper left of her vision, down to her hands, then the map, then back at him. "You're being oddly philosophical about my theoretical love life, Naruto-kun."
"Well, isn't it about time we talk about this stuff? Y'know, for funsies."
"'Funsies', he says." she muttered beneath her breath.
"So, what do you think about that? Being with someone that you keep around for, y'know, the physical stuff?"
That strawberry color deepened as she shrank down between her shoulders like a turtle. Her mouth hung open, as though she had an overwhelming volume of answers to choose from. "I can't believe I'm talking about this with you," she breathed.
His brows knitted together, belying his hurt-tinged smile. Was that a rejection? Maybe she'd rather talk about this stuff with Kurenai-obasan.
Naruto leaned back in his chair, and gazed unseeingly at the map. So much for deepening their bond.
"I should hope there's love in there, somewhere..." she finally said.
Naruto lit up, eyebrows lifting high onto his forehead. "Yeah, of course! You love each other, but also, they're just kind of a toy-"
"Naruto-kun!"
"Sorry, sorry! Not a toy, 'cuz you don't treat people like that, but what I mean is-"
"Mouuu! I get it, I get it!"
"Sorry..." he looked up from the table. "I kept making it weird, huh?"
Hinata shook off their conversation with a mild roll of her eyes, then refocused her efforts on her club. After entering roughly ten more addresses and notes, she picked up her phone with both hands and began to scroll. Naruto watched her, having paused his KillerBEATs comedy-rap video, but he couldn't see what she was doing.
Then she put her phone to her ear.
"Iruka-sensei-"
His head tilted. She has Sensei on her phone?
"I've compiled the list of potential locations for next Sunday's meeting. Mm-hm. Yes, I want to be able to scout the addresses before deciding. Yes. Mm-hm. Mm-hm. There's twelve. Yes. I can send you half of the addresses-"
It was perfectly standard for teachers to be members' of school clubs and sports teams, but... having them on your phone?
"Sensei, I'm perfectly fine to split the work. You don't need to go with me-"
No, he should go with you. You shouldn't go to strange places by yourself like that. However, he's only hearing one side of the conversation.
Iruka-sensei used to be something he's not, it's one of the things he shared with Naruto when he was twelve, when he thought Naruto needed to know someone understood his dependence on receiving attention.
Iruka-sensei was really good at winning you over like that.
"Okay. Yes, I suppose that would be better. Okay. Mm. Alright, then we'll do that. Okay. Goodnight, Sensei."
'We'll do that.' 'That'. 'That.' What is 'that' that you two are going to do?
When Hinata put her phone down, she froze under his stare. He looked at her and asked, "Am I making a weird face?"
She nodded.
"Dude, I can't do it."
"Are you seriously calling me up about the onahole? Your pants better be pulled up, dumbass."
Naruto laid sprawled atop his bed, his comforter pulled up to his waist. He tugged at the waistband of his boxers and re-clothed himself. "Yeah, duh, that'd be so embarrassing."
His room was drenched in moonless shadows, save for the few strange light sources in his room: his neon sign of a bowl of ramen with animated chopsticks atop his bed, his triangular light panels arranged in a swirl, graduating from crimson to orange cream, over by his desktop, the glaring blue light of a plugged-in controller, and the single shaft of rose-pink light spilling onto his floor from the drill-hole in the wall.
He couldn't take his eyes off of that hole.
"How about you try watching vids?"
"Ha, you're just trying to get rid of me. Also no shit, I already tried that!"
"What, still keep seeing Hinata's disapproval in your mind?" Sasuke snickered.
Disapproval's one thing, but it was more like she was right here with him and it was super disturbing. Call it performance anxiety?
"Dude, I'm trying to not think about her at all. It's fuckin' weird."
"Not a single exhibitionist streak in you, huh?"
"I dunno about that…" the rose-pink beam of light blinked for a second, heightening his attention on that spot. Was Hinata still awake? It was three-in the-fucking-morning! Suddenly the light beam grew stronger and whiter, enough to illuminate the contours of his dresser and strewn-about dirty clothes. Naruto rolled over onto his side, his alarm clock telling him it was Sunday morning. "Oh hell."
"What is it?"
"Hinata's awake. She's gonna go clean up a park or beach or something soon," and Iruka-sensei was going to be there with her.
"Alright?"
Without explanation, Naruto ended the call and got up from bed, the silicone sleeve still clutched loosely in hand.
He stood in front of their shared wall, watching the beam of light dance with every wane and surge of intensity. He could almost see her puttering around back and forth, getting ready for the day ahead. He imagined her contented smile as she looked forward to another day of charity. She's the type of person that spreads good energy into the world without wanting anything back. That's another thing he wished he had said to her the other day. He's been coming up with better things to say than the things he actually says, and it sucks.
Retreating back to his bed, he dunks the sleeve into his trash bin and collapses face-first onto his pillow. He craned his face up just enough to observe the plainness of his wall.
She's going to be meeting up with Sensei.
But he's a really good guy, so this is fine.
They've known him since forever.
Naruto pulled his chin down, submerging his whole face in cotton comfort, but it didn't comfort him as he expected. It didn't muffle his unease.
It's all because he didn't cum once today.
That's gotta be why.
The world's always so much softer during post-nut clarity.
He can't stop watching Iruka-sensei hawkishly during homeroom, nor during Classic Lit.
He wants to know how their time together was, but he can't bring himself to ask. Iruka-sensei's old, but he's not really old. He's only twenty-eight. And the way Naruto sees it, age gap's only a thing 'til final graduation.
What if this is the answer?
What if only older guys do it for her?
It honestly makes sense, when you think about it. She's way, way, waaay out of everyone's league. She needs someone stable and mature, someone with tenure.
He can see them enjoying sandwiches together, sandwiches that Iruka-sensei was able to help make. They watch the ducks on the lake and talk about classic literature under the shade of a tree.
But when the time comes to introduce him, what does she say? Kurenai-obasan knows the man as well as they do.
Maybe it's a daddy issue thing. He couldn't put that past her.
Naruto curled his arms atop his desk as the lunch bell rang and rested his face in the dips of his arms.
Why does thinking about Hinata make him think about the future so much?
Why does he only think about her future?
And why's it seem like he never sees himself in it?
"I'm sorry to keep relying on you like this, Hinata-san. Even though you're not a class rep anymore," chuckled Iruka-sensei from his desk, as he sorted out the proper forms from his lesson plan.
"It's quite alright. I find it almost nostalgic," Hinata's smile was as gracious as ever. In another era, she would have captured fame as a nun or priestess. Her face and aura alone were always so ethereal and healing.
"Right. Here we are," he handed her assignment papers. "Let me know if it's too much trouble to handle all by yourself."
Hinata giggled softly. "My results speak for themselves."
"I know, I know. You're a capable young woman."
"I am." Hinata exited the teacher's lounge, retreading the same path to the photocopier room.
This was the kind of rapport that could only be built through consecutive years of partnership.
Iruka-sensei had watched Hinata grow from the cooperative little girl in her yellow hat who cleaned up after those who had run off to play, who had shared her snacks when the bullies got to Sakura or Chouji. He had seen her navigate a new world of emotional complexity, bolstered only by the indomitable Naruto, and was proud to see her become the serene and reliable young woman she was now. To witness her bloom into her own was life-affirming for a teacher.
Disowned so young in life, she never deserved what had happened to her.
He was proud of all his kids.
But he was especially proud of her.
The familiar scent of hot ink sank in her sinuses as she watched the scanner light slide left to right beneath the lid.
She loved the feel of the warm, freshly printed paper. She put it up there with towels straight from the dryer and fresh-baked bread.
Once the work was done, she lifted the stack into her arms and made her way towards the door.
Searching blue eyes waited around the corner, and she shrieked, her heart exploding in her chest.
"Whoa, Hinata! Shit! I didn't mean to scare you!" Naruto pressed his hands against the tilted stack, saving her from near disaster.
He presses a hand to the small of her back, righting her up just as he did her papers, and she catches a sweetness wafting off of him. Perfume. From another student.
She sighs. That explains why he was still here even long after clubs had concluded. It's almost as if letting him keep his masturbator sleeve wasn't going to change anything. He was always going to want the whole package, the full, authentic experience.
"Are you heading home now?" She asks, resuming her route back to the teacher's lounge.
Naruto walks in front of her, preventing her from moving forward. She doesn't dare to side-step him. The papers might topple over again. "Gimme half," he says.
Hinata blinks at him as if suspecting this to be the beginning of a quid pro quo scheme.
She nods. "Okay. Thank you."
He splits the stack and moves beside her. She finally has more mobility, she can certainly walk normally now. "Isn't Sakura-chan supposed to be doing this kind of stuff?"
"She asked if I could take her place for today. She went straight home after the bell because her father isn't feeling well."
"He's not? Damn."
"You've seen him before. He's older than everyone else's father. He's pushing fifty-three soon."
"Oh yeah, huh. That's right."
Hinata glanced at him. She took in his faraway eyes shadowed with concern and sorrow. He doesn't know how to miss someone he's never met, but he knows how to miss something he's never had. He'll never perfectly understand Sakura's feelings, but he won't be too far off either if he tried.
She, on the other hand, can't sympathize no matter how much she'd like to. It's like that portion of her heart has long necrotized and fallen off. She had a father. Knew him far too well. But the concept he was meant to embody, and the duty he was meant to fulfill; she didn't know any of it at all.
"Hey, I hope you're being compensated for this," Naruto joked as they neared the teacher's lounge.
"I wouldn't ask that of Sakura."
"Well, somebody's got to be making this up to you. It's Sensei's fault too, right? He should just buckle down and take care of it. That's why he's an adult."
Hinata hummed playfully in thought. "Hm. Then I suppose I could ask."
She didn't notice the way his jaw dropped as their teacher came into view.
Iruka-sensei's face lit up for a second when he saw Naruto, only for that pleasant surprise to be overridden by realization and disappointment.
"Naruto," he droned low with warning. "This isn't your personal happy place! If you're done with club activities, then pack up your things and head home! Where am I going to find your mess next time?! Do you know what it's like to have to explain myself as a teacher to the Principal?! That I can't control my students?!"
"Well, that makes two of us, Sensei! 'Cuz I can't control me, either!" Naruto laughed, fully amused with himself. "Have a little sympathy, would'ja? Don't you realize I gotta wake up and be me every day? It's a lot of work!"
Iruka-sensei snatched the stack of assignments from his hands and plopped them on his desk unceremoniously. A few sheets from the top fluttered off to the side, as Iruka-sensei jabbed a finger at Naruto's chest.
"That may be a fine attitude for now, but sooner or later it's going to betray you. Take your life a little more seriously for once. Please. Think about Hinata-san."
Her name alone washed over him like ice water, his smile removed, and the jovial shine from his eyes gone. Couched around his sober defiance was something akin to fear. He tried to cover it up with a defensive snarl as Iruka-sensei continued unabated.
"You two grew up together, right? You've been raised together? She obviously cares about you. If you continue to throw away your life on nonsense, then you throw her life away, too."
But the more Iruka-sensei lectured him, the darker the look in Naruto's eyes became. He stepped into Iruka-sensei's space, enough to reach out with his right arm and swipe the stack of papers with his hand.
"N-Naruto-kun?!" Hinata flinched as they exploded like fireworks and showered down mercilessly, blanketing the desk, his office chair, and the floor.
"Oops."
Naruto backed away and made a beeline for the sliding doors, his middle finger raised in Iruka-sensei's direction.
Iruka-sensei palmed his face. "That damn punk."
Hinata bent down to pick up after him, when Iruka-sensei stopped her.
"I've got this, Hinata-san. You do too much as is."
She chewed on her tongue as shyness overtook her. She couldn't help it. She felt like the moment Naruto scattered those papers, he had scattered her heart, and she just wanted to piece it back together. What just happened was utterly mortifying.
Iruka-sensei got on his knees and began scooping up the heap on the floor. "I'll have to call Kurenai-san again. Schedule another home visit. You won't give him the heads up, will you?" He joked despite himself. "He's pretty good at slipping away."
"I wouldn't undermine you, Sensei."
"Yeah, I know," Iruka-sensei sat on his haunches as he calculated his concerns in the middle distance. He turned his sorrowful eyes towards hers. "Hinata-san, is everything alright at home?"
That question speared her through her chest, forcing her to stumble. "Eh?" A cold shock ran through her veins.
"I'm asking about you. Is… everything alright? Is Naruto a handful?"
Did he mean: Was Naruto this disrespectful to Kurenai-san? Was he secretly making their lives hell? Was he the type to save all his darkness for the targets of his choice and unleash it behind closed doors?
Hinata shook her head, giving Iruka-sensei a wistful, apologetic smile. Because she knew a man like that once, but it wasn't Naruto, and it would never be Naruto.
"Naruto-kun is Naruto-kun." And that was her answer.
Iruka-sensei processed that for a moment, an exasperated but understanding smile returning to his face as he nodded.
"Naruto is indeed Naruto."
Hinata nearly had her second heart attack that evening when she rounded the corner and found him squatting outside their classroom door.
She had her parka on and her scarf wrapped around her lower face and ears. Imminent weather was always the worst, especially out here in the city when the skyscrapers became a monolithic wind tunnel threatening to blow everyone into the bay.
He looked like a kicked puppy, disallowed inside the house and forced to wander the streets. Iruka-sensei said what Naruto needed to hear, but a significant part of Hinata wanted to laugh it off just as he normally would. He should be laughing, just as he always is.
She loves it when he's enjoying his life. It makes her feel like it's all worth it, no matter how fleeting. It's like endlessness that only he can see, that even in the dead of winter, there is Springtime.
Searching blue eyes meet hers for a moment, before ducking away off to the side.
She wants so badly to pull him against her stomach and stroke his hair.
Instead, she approaches him.
He raises his arms up like a toddler asking for 'pick-me-ups'.
She grasps his forearms and tugs with all her strength, to the point that her face felt tight with blood and her shoulder sockets ached.
He's pranking her!
He's holding her down as much as she's pulling on him!
That little twinkle of mischief returns to his eyes as he watches her struggle, and his lips gradually curve into a grin. And when her pulling turns into him sliding across the linoleum on his indoor shoes, he can't stop laughing.
"Mush, mush!" He cries as she drags him farther and faster towards the school entrance. "Mush!"
Iruka-sensei's home visit had been like a sneak attack, sweeping Naruto's legs out from under him and knocking him flat on his ass.
However, not much came out of it, aside from Kurenai-san holding his head down in contrition for the duration of the discussion.
Once Iruka-sensei had left, Kurenai-san only asked Naruto surface-level questions, like: "Why are you so restless?" and "What do you want to do with your life?"
When she got the expected non-committal answers, she made an unexpected proposal: "Do you want to move out so you can live your own life?"
Naruto looked at her as though she were a stranger. "Are you kicking me out?"
"I didn't say that. But you are old enough. You can start a part-time job and save up for a place next year-"
"So I can leave."
Kurenai's shoulders lifted as she inhaled an ounce more of patience. She held it in her chest before replying. "Naruto. From what I hear, you already do what you want. So go do what you want."
Kurenai got up from the sofa and walked into the kitchen. She began to prepare the rice cooker before taking the meat out of the fridge. It was almost as if nothing had changed. As if they would have a normal, happy lunch together like always.
But as Hinata watched him from her bedroom doorway, witnessing the abandonment roil behind his eyes, his accursed transformation into a lonely creature, she knew that lunch would be neither normal nor happy.
When he stood from the sofa, legs seemingly dead as he dragged himself from the living room to his bedroom, she stopped him before he could lock himself away.
"Naruto-kun. You know that we can't stay here forever. Please don't take what Kurenai-san said the wrong way. This is still your home. To bring your own family back to. That's how this works."
"I wish I could see the world the way you do, Hinata," he stepped inside his room and swung the door behind him, but he didn't shut it fully. Maybe that was by design.
Naruto-kun... Hinata walked back into her own bedroom and crouched down in front of the hole. It was almost peaceful, not hearing moans and grunts, lustful shrieks and cussing emanating from this hallowed spot. It was certainly pleasant to be beside it without being possessed by her own need for relief, be it the need to be closer to him, or the need to merely orgasm.
She prefers a life that's simple. Just like when they were kids. She knows she can never have that again, but it would be so ideal.
When she presses her ear to the drill-hole, she can hear him on the phone with Sasuke. He's packing a bag, getting ready to sleep over on such little notice. And at that moment, an idea hits her. It's like a drop of rain; it makes you alert.
She cups her hand around her mouth and speaks into the drill hole. "Naruto-kun? Naruto-kun?"
"Hey, teme, gimme one second." He put his phone down, and the next second she caught his blue eye peering at her from the other side. "Hinata? You know you can text me."
The lack of sentimentality on his part was deeply disappointing, but sentimentality was the Hinata Way of doing things. "Naruto-kun, I want to see the world the way you do."
"What?"
She sucked in her courage and prayed he wouldn't tell her no.
"Tell Sasuke-kun I'm sleeping over, too."
"Whaaaaat?!"