Seeds of Doubt
A/N: More dialogue from a deleted scene in Revenge of the Sith...I don't own so please don't sue.
As the other Senators sit down, Padmé smooths out her skirt, one of her few worried tics that she lets slip. In this smaller group, she's not as concerned about keeping it hidden. Bail and Mon Mothma would have not called these specific Senators here if they did not think that they would be helpful to their cause.
"Good day, Senators. I hope everyone is caught up with what is happening in regards to the war," Bail says, "Now that he has control of the Jedi Council, the Chancellor has appointed governors to oversee all star systems of the Republic."
"When did this happen?" Fang Zar, the Senator of Sern Prime, asks.
"The decree was posted this morning," Bail answers curtly. The expression on his face appearing to Padmé as though he had just eaten something that he hadn't liked the taste of very much. Padmé considers their options. Even though she had been at the meeting, she had been too upset to really pay any close attention to what was actually being said. She knew about the emergency powers and the tragedies that came with those but she got stuck on the tragedies: the precious democracy that she and the other like-minded Senators had fought so hard to preserve falling apart more and more with each passing day. It really is beginning to affect Padmé in ways that she wishes it wouldn't. Her thoughts prompt a question to her mind, one that even a Senator who may have attended today's events might ask.
"Do you think he will dismantle the Senate?" she asks with a note of worry and urgency in her voice. The thought of everything she's worked so hard to obtain disappearing all because of one overpowered Chancellor breaks her heart even further. The only positive she sees in this is that she would actually be able to go to Naboo to raise her child and there would be no further responsibilities for her to have to worry about. She and Anakin could raise their child in peace.
"Why bother? As a practical matter, the Senate no longer exists," Mon Mothma answers and Padmé feels her stomach tighten with worry. She knows Mon Mothma is right. The Senate loses its influence with each emergency power that Chancellor calls for.
"The constitution is in shreds. Amendment after amendment...executive directives, sometimes a dozen in a day," Senator Giddean Danu of Kuat adds. Padmé feels her stomach drop even more but tries to stay calm. Everything feels so angry and so real... a little too real for her liking.
"We can't let a thousand years of democracy disappear without a fight," Bail decides, his hand gestures cluing Padmé in on the fact that whatever it is, it's something big.
"What are you suggesting?" Senator Terr Taneel of Senex asks. Skepticism laces her tone and Padmé hopes that she will see that Bail isn't trying to be an extremist but trying to restore what deep down everyone knows the Republic truly needs.
"Suggesting? I apologize. I don't mean to sound like a Separatist," Bail says, raising his hands to pacify the situation. Padmé silently commends his effort, hoping the best for this group. She hopes that they will come to a decision that will eventually rein in the Chancellor and bring a diplomatic end to the war.
Mon Mothma leans forward to add in her opinion, "We are not Separatists trying to leave the Republic. We are loyalists, trying to preserve democracy in the Republic." She looks in Bail and Padmé's direction as she says this. Bail nods his head in agreement and Padmé feels some sort of relief by the gesture. The tension seems to disappear slightly from the room. But yet, the facts still feel heavy. There's still a great weight with what's being said, with the implications of what's going within the government of the Republic. Everything feels so dire and none of it indicates an end. How are they considering ideas that would not necessarily benefit the Chancellor? This all seems too unreal. There has to be another way. A more diplomatic way to restore peace to the Republic. Chancellor Palpatine may have many powers but he hasn't made that many mistakes, has he?
"I can't believe it has come to this," Padmé says softly, "Chancellor Palpatine is one of my oldest advisor. He served as my Ambassador when I was Queen."
Giddean leans forward and gently clasps his fingers together before saying in a very kind but admonishing tone, "Senator, I fear you underestimate the amount of corruption that has taken hold in the Senate."
Padmé feels the baby kick and that combined with what Giddean is saying causes her to shift uncomfortably in her seat. She looks down at her baby bump to make sure it is hidden as Mon Mothma begins speaking,
"The Chancellor has played the Senators well. They know where the power lies, and they will do whatever it takes to share in it. Palpatine has become a dictator and we have helped him to do it." Padmé's gaze flicks back over to Mon Mothma and Bail. Bail stands up from his seat as he begins talking,
"And we cannot continue debating about this any longer." He pauses to stand up and walk behind his chair. Bail turns around to face the other Senators before continuing, "We have decided to do what we can to stop it. Senator Mon Mothma and I are putting together an organization..." Padmé realizes that this is creeping into the territory of a topic they had discussed earlier, which she is not sure that that information is ready to be made public. At least not with the other Senators. Padmé would rather see what happens with the Delegation of 2000 and the petition she plans to write before they simply start plotting an open opposition to the Chancellor. Nonetheless, the damage has been done by the Chancellor to this group of Senators. The seeds of distrust and doubt in the ruler of the Republic is very present and Padmé feels that it will not be long before this conflict becomes a greater issue. She cuts in,
"Say no more, Senator. I understand. At this point, some things are better left unsaid."
Bail moves his hands in a simple gesture with both of his palms facing outward and his fingers slightly bent. Both of them know how preliminary and hopefully unlikely it is that their plans will actually need to come to fruition but nonetheless, it is very much a possibility. Padmé does think that, besides the idea of some kind of future opposition, there really isn't much of a plan as to bringing the Chancellor back under control.
"Agreed," Bail finally says and Padmé relaxes a bit at his words, "And so we will not discuss this with anyone without everyone in this group agreeing."
The other Senators nod and consider the implications of that statement, acts that they could commit that could be seen as treason by the Chancellor.
"That means those closest to you, even family. No one can be told," Mon Mothma says in a very serious tone. Padmé considers this for a moment. She knows Anakin doesn't typically read her thoughts as to allow her some privacy, but it feels as though things are changing. It will be dangerous and difficult to hide this from him, but she must. Her eyes flick down towards her abdomen for the briefest instant. Not even her child could know about her actions if she was still Senator when the child became of age where he or she could know these things. She knew it had to be done. For the sake of the Republic. For a chance for her child to live a happy and normal life free of war and suffering.
"Agreed," she says, nodding her head and finally picking a side in the Republic, preparing to hold the Chancellor accountable for his actions and protecting the democracy of the Republic.
The other Senators nod and say that they agree as well. All of them stand and nod to each other before slowly filing out the door. Padmé shares one final nervous but grateful look with Mon Mothma before she leaves. Bail is busy checking his datapad as Padmé moves for the door.
Until Bail stops her yet again.
"A message just came in from the Delegation of 2000," he says once all of the other Senators have left.
"Why didn't anyone say anything? I'm sure someone would have noticed the notification," Padmé says indignantly.
"We're not certain everyone is involved in the Delegation of 2000. There are 2000 senators involved. It is difficult to know who is involved in it and who is not," Mon Mothma replies reassuringly.
Padmé nods after a moment of consideration.
"Out of all of the senators involved, the Delegation has agreed to allow you to draft the petition," Bail says.
"What?!" Padmé cries out quickly, "I'm honored but..."
"Why the hesitation?" Bail asks, "You are a very active member in the Senate and you are close to the Chancellor. The rest of the Delegation will be at your disposal to help you write it if needed."
"Yes but...there's more to it than that," Padmé says.
"What's holding you back?" Mon Mothma asks, "You are a strong leader of this Delegation. You have been ever since it was founded a few months ago."
"It's..." Padmé shakes her head, trying to clear her mind, "A personal matter, Senators. One that I don't wish to share."
Bail and Mon Mothma exchange looks of confusion before looking to Padmé.
"Well, we can find other senators to write it if needed," Bail suggests.
"No," Padmé cuts in, "I'm happy to write it. I just...am going to need some time to write it. I can work around my personal issue. I am honored at the offer to bring diplomacy and democracy back to the Republic in this way." Mon Mothma and Bail both smile.
"Wonderful. How soon do you think you can have a draft written?" Mon Mothma asks.
"I'll start on it the moment I'm alone," Padmé answers, "Thank you, Senators. I'm truly honored."
"Of course," Bail says, "Thank you...for everything."
"Of course. Good day, Senators," Padmé bids her fellow Senators farewell before leaving Bail's office. The moment she's out of the office, she contacts Captain Typho so she can go back to her apartment. He escorts Padmé to her speeder and she thinks through everything as she gazes out the side of the speeder at the traffic of Coruscant racing by.
For starters, how in the galaxy is she going to be able to keep this a secret from Anakin? He can't know about what she's doing since just about everything that the Delegation of 2000 is doing is against what the Chancellor wishes to accomplish. The war is becoming a very divisive subject in the Senate and unfortunately, it's the thing that needs to be discussed the most. She just hopes it doesn't drive her and Anakin further apart. He seems so close to the Chancellor, running off to rescue him and bring him back to Coruscant no matter what else he was doing in the war at the time. Which, she wasn't complaining. She had missed him terribly while he had been away. This pregnancy hadn't been easy for her to manage alone.
And now there just seemed to be more and more conflict growing and not just between her and her husband.
It upsets her to all kinds of length she would have never expected. The galaxy just feels as though it is falling to pieces all around her, crying out at her to do something, anything to save it. Yet, she feels that there iss nothing she can do. It all seems too far out of her reach. There is too much of a rift in the Senate and in the galaxy as a whole.
Her baby kicks her abdomen as she gazes out at the city and without thinking, Padmé slips a hand underneath the cloak piece of her dress and rubs her baby bump. Captain Typho lands on the balcony and Padmé wastes no time in getting to work on her task. Moving swiftly through her apartment to her living room, she finds her datapad, sits down on the couch and starts drafting the petition.
Sabé enters the room noticing her mistress in deep concentration on her datapad.
"Milady, is everything alright?" she asks as she nears the couch. Padmé nods, not paying much attention to her as she starts to look at the messages from the Delegation discussing what everyone thinks the petition should consist of.
"Yes, everything is about as fine as it could be," she answers without looking up.
Knowing her mistress to be a very intentional person, Sabé sits down next to her on the couch and looks at her closely.
"Milady, if I could be candid for a moment?" she requests.
"Sabé, you know you are always welcome to be," Padmé answers as she opens a document on her datapad. If only the words could come to her, she could present this to the Chancellor without any issues.
"They've asked you to do something and you're uncomfortable with it. You don't feel like you should do it but you want to do it for the Republic and for the good of the galaxy. Similar to how you always feel," Sabé guesses and Padmé chuckles darkly.
"Sometimes I wish you didn't know me so well," she answers as she starts to type on her datapad.
"I'm sorry," Sabé apologizes and this time Padmé looks up.
"Don't be," she says, "I want to do this. I'm just afraid of what Anakin will do if he finds out I'm doing this. He is...close to the Chancellor."
"And it's something the Chancellor disagrees with?" Sabé asks.
"The Delegation of 2000 has asked me to write a petition to present to the Chancellor and the Senate. I have to write the goals of the Delegation and make them appealing to the Chancellor so that he will accept the number of Senators and the opinions that all of us hold," Padmé replies. Sabé merely nods, filling in the gap from what she knows of the Delegation from the times she and Padmé have had to trade places in the Senate.
"Would you like me to make you some tea?" Sabé offers but Padmé shakes her head.
"I'm sorry. I just want to focus on this and get it done before Anakin comes home. The sooner we have this drafted and have Senators sign off on it, the better," she answers with a tone of regret in her voice. Sabé exits the room per her lady's request. She has every intention of preparing some food and tea for Padmé since she knows that this will help her refresh and that she will be happy with it regardless. Padmé continues her writing. She focuses on the wording, doing her best to explain the proposed actions the Delegation has for the Senate to carry out to make them as appealing as possible to all of the Senators and the Chancellor. She discusses removing some of the emergency powers from the Chancellor and removing the governors from all of the star systems in the Republic as well as making it so every system in the galaxy has a voice. Everything she's doing feels so wrong but, at the same time, it needs to be done nonetheless.
After several minutes of careful deliberation over the petition, Padmé sends it out to the other Senators via a secure Holonet link.
Sabé reenters the room with a small plate of food and a cup of tea. Padmé smiles up at her and sets her datapad down on the table.
"Thank you," Padmé says with a sad smile before looking up at her handmaiden.
"Is everything alright?" Sabé asks gently, sitting down in the same place she had sat a few moments ago.
"It's fine, Sabé," Padmé answers, "I'm sure everything will work out just fine."
"You've survived a lot before and during this war, Milady," Sabé answers, "You have that to be proud of. You're a strong Senator. I think you're right in saying that diplomacy is the only thing that can end this war. You and the Delegation of 2000 may be the only hope for restoring democracy to the Republic. Without the Delegation, I think democracy would all but vanish. And that's just from what I've heard you talk about, never mind what I've actually sat through in the Senate."
Padmé nods her head in agreement.
"There are so many star systems that need what the Delegation has to offer," Padmé concedes, "I just hope we're not too late to help them. The rest of the galaxy at large needs this democracy too. It's what I'm afraid of. I fear that many Senators aren't thinking big picture or if they are, their motives are not focused towards democracy and restoring the Republic. They just want the power."
"The meeting set that into place, didn't it?" Sabé asks and Padmé nods sadly.
"Yes, it did. Sabé, if my life is threatened before the baby is born, I'm going to step down from being Senator. If you want to, you can continue my Senatorial position. You understand my motives and you also want this democracy for the Republic," she advises, "Take the position. And not just as my decoy, but take my position as you, as Sabé. The Republic deserves to hear your voice and see your work. You're just as much of a political force as I am."
"Milady...I couldn't," Sabé adds, "I couldn't take it for myself. I would take it to protect you. My allegiance is to you and to whatever helps you achieve your goals. Not my own. I couldn't do that to you. We've been friends for too long and I respect you far too much to do that to you. Senator Amidala would be my new title and you could go back home. Raise your children as Padmé Naberrie Skywalker. Be the mother and the woman you've always wanted to be that the Republic won't allow. That's the best gift I could give you."
"Sabé..."Padmé starts and stops, "You don't have to do that."
"I want to, Milady," Sabé interrupts, "Please...let me." Before a decision can be made, the sounder of a speeder pulling onto the balcony sounds through the apartment. "I think I should go," she says at the sound. Padmé merely nods to her handmaiden.
"Have a good evening," she calls out.
"Good day, milady," Sabé replies as she exits the apartment just as Anakin strolls into the balcony. Padmé steps out of her living room and to the landing pad balcony to greet him. They hug briefly before she notices a troubled look on Anakin's face.
"Are the nightmares still bothering you?" is all she asks. Anakin sighs before shrugging it off.
"I thought we weren't worrying about those," he answers as he walks away from her.
"I didn't say I was," Padmé answers diplomatically, "You're the one who seems upset. Did something go wrong today?"
"I'm on the Jedi Council but they didn't grant me the rank of master," Anakin answers as he walks to the veranda. The fading sunlight bathes the fountains and the skyline of Coruscant in a hauntingly beautiful light, almost as if it is trying to preserve the dying of something that was once healthy and strong. Padmé watches from the distance, feeling sad for her husband, but knowing that even being accepted to be on the Council is a great honor.
"I'm sorry," she says after a moment, "I know how much that means to you and I'm sorry. But it's such an honor to be on the Council, isn't it?"
"What's being on the Council even get you if you can't be a Master? I'm only on it to represent the Chancellor," Anakin replies moodily, "I almost feel that representing him is what means more than being on the Council."
"You've worked hard to become a Jedi," Padmé answers, "Of course being on the Council is what's going to mean more to you." Anakin continues his walk to the veranda and moves towards the couch.
Padmé follows him a few paces behind as he sits down on the couch. She soon sits down next to him. They intertwine their hands and Anakin looks down at them, softening for a moment. Padmé watches him as he pulls his hands from hers and touches her baby bump. She intertwines her fingers with his as he gently rubs his hands over her belly. After making sure that the baby is alright, he sighs and looks down at their intertwined hands. He shifts on the couch and Padmé watches him, knowing that him saying everything is fine is a lie.
"Sometimes I wonder what's happening to the Jedi Order," he says as he looks up at her, "I think this war's destroying the principles of the Republic." He looks away from her as he finishes speaking. Padmé feels some relief that he's finally opening up but she's sad that this is what this is about. Why does it always have to be about their respective duties to the galaxy? Why can't it be about anything else? She weighs her next words carefully. She knows how close he is to Chancellor Palpatine and how upset he might become by her talking about her feelings regarding the Chancellor, but she has to see if she can show him the other side. She wants to show him how they can end the war by using the diplomacy the Republic originally wished for.
"Have you ever considered that we may be on the wrong side?" she asks, watching him carefully to see his reaction. His eyes narrow, but there is curiosity despite the severity of the statement.
"What do you mean?" he asks, tension and doubt laced in his own voice. Padmé thinks back to the meeting and what Bail and Mon Mothma had been pointing out. She thinks about how she agrees with it. The endless fighting to the death and destruction will never be able to do what diplomacy can. There are people in the Republic who want it to be seen as the solution to ending the war but Padmé knows the truth. The endless fighting, the sheer crushing of the enemy, despite what they might think, is an absolute destruction to diplomacy and democracy. It crushes the voices and replaces it with only a few, or even just one.
"What if the democracy we thought we were serving no longer exists? And the Republic has become the very evil we've been fighting to destroy?" she asks as a way to inadvertently voice her current opinions and stance no matter how dangerous they may be to popular opinion. She has to tell him what she's doing and this is the only way. She can't tell him anything about the meeting. She made a promise.
"I don't believe that," Anakin says and the hope diminishes slightly in Padmé. As close as he is to the Chancellor, his response is not a surprise. "And you're sounding like a Separatist," he continues. Padmé feels as though she's been slapped but this won't deter her from trying to make him understand.
"This war represents a failure to listen. Now you're closer to the Chancellor than anyone, please ask him to stop the fighting and let diplomacy resume," she pleads. She just wants peace to be brought to the galaxy, the democracy to be restored, and for this war to be won in a diplomatic way that ensures that democracy will survive. He raises his gloved hand to make his feelings known, almost as if this is the part of him that is trying to rebel against what he really wants and the good Jedi he knows he is.
"Don't ask me to do that," he says angrily before standing up and walking away. He turns back to her and gestures in her direction. "Make a motion in the Senate where that kind of a request belongs," he demands.
Padmé feels hurt and slightly shocked that he's pushing her out. She wants to help him. Why won't he let her?
"What is it?" she asks in worry.
"Nothing," he replies, softening a bit from their earlier argument as he turns to gaze back out at the sunset. Padmé won't let him do this to her.
"Don't do this. Don't shut me out. Let me help you," she pleads firmly, her hand gently running down his shoulder. His gaze fixes on her as they both soften. "Hold me," she whispers, running the back of her hands down his chest, "Like you did by the lake on Naboo. So long ago when there was nothing but our love. No politics. No plotting. No war." He holds her in his arms as she talks. Her head tucks into his chest and he leans his chin on top of it. His arms gently caressing her back. She closes her eyes as they hold each other. Anakin gazes out to the city and focuses on the love of his life.
Padmé just hopes that whatever they have won't crumble underneath the burden the Republic places upon them. She hopes that they have a love that will last.
A/N: When I first wrote this chapter...I was struggling because of the political discussion going on and it just felt very boring.
But this is also where the fundamental foundations of the Rebellion are being built so it's really not a boring chapter in any sense at all.
I also love the Anidala scene at the end and the scene with Padmé and Sabé. It's absolutely wonderful. That one's probably my favorite.
It's been a blast getting to write for the handmaidens. It's fun to give them all different personalities and explore those dynamics
And yeah! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the added scenes and dynamics and such! This book is such a fun one to write. Thank you for your support however you choose to do that!
It's been so much fun getting to research and sort of add my own twists to the character of Padmé Amidala so I hope you're enjoying it as much as I am.
-Aisling