Teena let Din study her quarters for a few moments. His gaze swept over her wardrobe, bed and two seats next to a personal holotable. Sometimes she felt guilty for having such a spacious room to herself when the others took the bunks, but she also knew that she was the only truly permanent resident on the ship. The kids came and went as they pleased, she hadn't seen Ahsoka in years, and other people were meant to just be jobs, not crew.
She sat in the smaller of the two chairs and pulled her feet up off the floor, tucking them underneath her. She blew on her drink while Din took his seat across from her. For a fleeting moment she considered that her chosen position didn't offer the greatest mobility to spring to a defensive position if an attack did come, but she shook off the thought. She wouldn't put up much fight in her current state anyway; she felt like she'd been chewed up by a rathtar and spit back out.
They sat quietly for a few moments while Din collected his thoughts and she sipped on her drink. She knew his patience was long, so she had little hope of outlasting him. He wanted to know why she hadn't left with the Jedi, but she wasn't entirely sure she had an answer that he would understand.
"I envy you," she finally told him. He shifted his head, waiting for her to continue. "I don't know when you took the Creed, but at least from that moment on you've known who you are. I've always been running from my past and afraid of my future."
"I didn't know you knew what fear felt like."
She chuckled at his jest.
"Fear is waking up, only to find you're tied with a man looming over you who's only discernible trait is a likeness to your parents' killers."
She felt him grow uncomfortable. Yes, she could see it in his body language, but now she knew it was more than his projection of himself that she could understand, it was his raw emotions that she could connect to. She recognised when she'd done such with her ade, but it was more potent with Din because she could not rely on his facial features and other tells that she would with her aliit. [family]
"You hid your fear well," he said. It was a compliment, meant to diffuse his own embarrassment at his actions as well as as close to an apology as she was likely to get.
She shrugged, trying to retain an unaffected air. He eased at her shift and she realized how off she'd been at the start of their encounter. He could read her. He knew she was putting up a front. She could tell. But he was glad she was capable of that when she hadn't been just 20 short minutes ago.
She was tired. Tired of the deflections and fear and running.
"Ask your question, Djarin."
"Why didn't you join your kind? Why didn't you leave with the Jedi?"
"Because I've spent my life not belonging. I don't think I could belong if I tried. Not with the Jedi...or anyone else, really."
"You seem to fit into this aliit well enough," he answered softly.
She gave him a grateful smile.
"I have found this family, and I love my ade fiercely, even if 'Sara sometimes thinks of me more as a vod than a buir, but I did have a family before them. We all have scars that don't heal."
"I remember my mother. I remember the battle. We didn't provoke the separatists, but our home was destroyed anyway," he told her unexpectedly.
"How did you find the Way?" she asked, genuinely curious.
"Death Watch ended the battle. They saved me and some others."
She hummed, considering that. The faction was more likely to set a village on fire than swoop in to rescue a child. She didn't doubt Din, though, just questioned her perception of the faction. He broke her train of thought with a question.
"What is the Creed as you know it?"
He didn't ask if or how she knew it. She wasn't sure if that would matter to him or not. She caught herself tracing the hinge on her bracer that showed her family tree. She closed her eyes and took a breath, readying herself to recite the words she'd memorized longer ago than she could remember.
"Wear the armor.
Speak the language.
Defend yourself and your family.
Raise your children as Mandalorians.
Contribute to the clan's welfare.
When called upon by the Mand'alor, rally to his cause."
She startled at his hand upon her wrist and opened her eyes.
"I can see you wear the armor, and I have heard you speak the language."
"Please don't." She needed to stop him. She did not belong. She was apart, and soulless in the eyes of the Mando'ade.
"I know you to defend yourself with a vengeance," he rubbed at his jaw where she'd struck him during their first meeting, "and I'm sure you'd die before anything could befall your ade."
"Din, I'm telling you. Stop." She was pleading, a sure sign of her lack of heritage.
"The way Na'sara and Dev fight and what they know of our past, it would take little to train them in the ways of Mandalore."
"Gev, Djarin! Ni Kelir not sushir!" [Stop, Djarin! I will not listen.]
"Why didn't you go with the Jedi?" he pressed.
"Whatever you're asking me to be, Din, I'm not it. I can't. I couldn't go with him, I can't explain why in any way that will satisfy you. I just couldn't. Just like I'm not what you're suggesting now."
He sighed and looked away for a moment, considering his options.
"You know I must follow my Creed," his modulated voice was little more than a whisper. Her stomach dropped to the floor and her heart broke a little. Friends, she had tried to consider.
She could only nod her understanding, not meet his gaze.
"You don't have a clan," he sounded like he was trying to bargain with or convince her. "So the only question that remains is if Mand'alor calls, will you answer?"
She sighed. She had no answer to give him, so she simply enjoyed the little bit more time she had before they were enemies.
.
"Teena!" Motto greeted as she exited the ship. Teena barely suppressed a sigh. Motto was the one who got her into this long job and mid-life crisis to begin with.
"I need to restock rations, refuel, and a check on the docking equipment." Motto sighed and nodded her head, a little put off by the cold greeting.
'Check on the docking equipment' meant sweep the ship for tracking devices. Teena was fairly confident the ship was clean, but wherever Din and Nala were going next would likely be need-to-know only.
"How'd that last job go?" the mechanic asked lightly, never letting a gruff customer dampen her persona.
Right on cue Teena heard heavy steps follow her down the ramp. She just crossed her arms and glared at Motto.
"Mando! I'm glad to see you two could manage to get along!"
He stared at her for a moment before shrugging and making his way out of the port.
"What do you think, Tee? Am I off the hook for the bad job I gave him last time around?"
She just raised an eyebrow and shrugged, enjoying heckling the older lady.
"Oh no! Not my bundle of wit! You do not get to play the silent game. I don't care how much that Mando rubs off on you," she growled out.
Teena couldn't hide her smile at her longtime contact's outburst.
"The kids are on board," she said to pacify her.
"Really!" Motto lit up at the news. "I haven't seen them in a few rotations! Mind if I-" she gestured up the ramp and Teena nodded her consent.
She considered warning her of Nala's presence, but decided it might be more entertaining not to. As long as Nala didn't kill the woman.
She watched the droids work for a little while and Dev eventually joined her.
"Is it okay for me to ask?" he questioned in a broken voice.
She gave him a small, reassuring smile and nodded.
"Are you okay?" He didn't meet her eye when he asked.
Her heart broke a little at this child's worry and self inflicted pain. The kids knew she was an orphan, like them, and that she never really recovered from her parent's death, but not her whole history. They could probably guess a good deal based on the knowledge and stories she shared with them, and he probably learned at the academy that the pieces of her home language that they'd picked up were Mando'a.
"That is the question you want to ask?" He looked up at her like the world was no longer spinning, and the stars had all died.
"I… I don't know where to start. There is so much I feel like I'm so close to understanding, but every theory has something to contradict it. I don't understand, and I don't like that, but I can at least know my buir is okay."
"I am. For now. We'll see what happens when it's time for our guests to leave us."
He tilted his head and bit his lip, obviously wanting her to elaborate.
"If any of their compatriots recognise me when we find their home, I may not be greeted in the warmest of fashions." Or perhaps be greeted a little too warmly, she thought as she imagined their flamethrowers at the ready. "But that's not likely. I don't know what resemblance I have to anyone they may have known and none of them should know me personally." She could feel him relax against her and she felt bad that she had to continue, but she would not lie to him. "Or, Din will kill me. As his Creed demands."
Dev jumped up, his eyes wide with disbelief and fear.
"What do you mean?! He's been our ally! I'd almost call him a friend. Why would he-"
She grabbed his arm and sat him down in an exaggerated motion, effectively cutting him off.
"I don't believe he would harm me maliciously, but I have something that belongs to his kind. And I will not give it up. So…" she shrugged, unsure how to continue the explanation.
"Is it really worth your life?"
"It is my life," she tried to explain. "And his. And all the Mando'ade."
"Did you know," he started slowly, "that the Mando'a word for 'parent' is 'buir?'"
"I did," she smiled at him.
He bit his lip in confusion.
"And that the Mandalorians value family above all else?"
"I knew this, too."
Dev considered the new information.
"What does Din want from you?" he finally asked softly.
She didn't answer his question, because Din returned from his supply run.
"Do you remember yours and 'Sara's favorite bedtime story?"
He scowled and pushed her shoulder, moaning about growing up. He didn't question the end of their previous topic.
"How about I tell the two of you the ending tonight?"
"The ending?"
"Yes. You never heard the full story, just the interesting bits."
He scowled, trying to think of why she would want to tell him this and any reason he had to say no.
"I'll let Na'sara know."
"You do that," she smiled.
Dev returned to the ship, and eventually Motto came out flailing her arms and talking about Mandos coming out of the floorboards and taking over her ship. She just laughed at the antics and paid her bill.