Hello lovely people, I'm here with a new update. I hope you've been enjoying the story, I've been hideously sick the last few weeks with ... nothing apparently, I've been swabbed for every respiratory virus and bacteria and there's nothing ...? So anyway, I've been using the time I can't do much of anything else to write a bit. I hope you enjoy the new update.
The Storm
Rodney sat at his computer, cold and wet, waiting with baited breath to find out whether his and Sam's plan had worked or whether they and their beloved city were all about to be crushed under a massive wave of water. Sam sat beside him, equally cold and wet, looking down at his arm -which was still bleeding- with more concern than she seemed to be giving the water.
Elizabeth was hovering nearby, looking far more nervous than she probably wanted to. Teal'c was standing close to Teyla, looking stoic as always, while keeping a very close eye on her and Sora. Carson was lying on the floor, still looking terribly dazed, with Cadman and Teyla kneeling close by keeping an eye on him. Jack was standing behind Sam, with his hands on her shoulders, John was standing behind Rodney doing the same to him, and Rodney would never be able to say how much better he felt for it.
None of them had been expecting the storm that they were currently caught in the middle of and none of them had expected their supposed allies to rat them out to the Geni, or for the Geni to turn up and try to take the city. They were lucky that Jack and John were still in the city and that Teal'c had gone with Teyla, Cadman and Carson to the mainland to collect some of the Athosians who weren't close to the village when the others were evacuated. As soon as Jack and John had realised something was wrong, with a little clever help from Rodney and a well-timed lean, they had started making the Geni's lives hard and hunting them down one by one, aided by the others when they had returned from the mainland.
When Kolya had finally worked out that he wasn't going to get Atlantis, thanks to a bit of bluffing from Rodney and Sam, he had decided to take what was left of his people and leave the city. He'd grabbed Sam, Rodney and Elizabeth to take along with him so their trip wouldn't turn out to be a complete waste of time. Rodney had been trying to work out if there was any way he could save Sam and Elizabeth before Kolya's people got them through the gate, when Jack, John and Teal'c had come in and shot the Geni before they could go anywhere. They were still lying dead on the floor of the gate room and Rodney was astutely trying not to notice them there.
So, in the end they'd won, for the most part. They hadn't lost any of the supplies the Geni had been keen to steal which was a huge relief when they were still cut off from Earth. They had lost a couple of marines who were still around and had been shot by the Geni when they'd first arrived though, that had been really sad, particularly as they had both been rather young men.
Rodney had a giant slice down his arm that was still bleeding thanks to the Geni torturing him for information about their plans, a slice that would have been much larger if Sam hadn't broken down and told Kolya the information he wanted to know to make him stop. It stung and throbbed and Rodney was fairly certain his shirt and Jacket were currently sticking to it which meant they were going to be murder to get off it later, but in the grand scheme of things that was nothing compared to the two marines who had lost their lives, or the potential killer wave that was about to crash over the city.
He watched with baited breath as the electricity built up in the shield generators, knowing exactly how much they needed to get the shield to work. Out of the corner of his eye he watched the wave approaching on the other monitor and hoped that the energy would build up in time. If it didn't they were all going to die and Rodney would go to his death knowing he was responsible for killing his best friend and the man he loved more than anything in he universe.
When the shield snapped up around the city, they all breathed a sigh of relief and Rodney dropped his head down onto his uninjured arm.
Thank god that had worked.
John's hands squeezed his shoulders gently and Rodney sighed, half in relief and half at how nice it felt.
"How's it looking?" Elizabeth asked.
"Perfect," Sam replied, looking at the readings. "The wave has passed over us and the shield is still up. It looks like we have about an hour until the storm passes completely and we have enough energy stored in the shield emitters to last us well beyond that."
"So, for now we just have to sit tight and wait," Elizabeth said.
"Yeah," Sam replied and Elizabeth nodded.
Sam squeaked slightly in surprise when Jack picked her up then sat back in the chair with her in his lap, holding her tightly. She snuggled into him and Rodney could see the stress of the day start to melt away from her face, which made him smile a little.
Rodney felt John move and his voice whispered close to his ear, "Hey, the jumper bay is part of the central tower so it should be safe to go into, right?"
"Yeah, it's safe," Rodney confirmed, turning his face to look at him tiredly. "Why?"
"I'm just going to duck up there and grab some things, I'll be right back," John replied, squeezing Rodney's shoulders gently before jogging away up the stairs. Rodney closed his eyes and sighed. He was so tired it felt like he could just fall asleep right here, at the same time though his body was still buzzing with adrenalin and the throbbing in his arm was getting worse.
John was back in almost no time at all, carrying a medical kit and a few bags from the jumpers. He put the medical kit down beside the desk Rodney was sitting at and opened it up, pulling out a touch activated ice pack and chucking it to Cadman to put on Carson's head. He put the bags down beside it and opened them up, pulling out bottles of water and power bars, passing them around to the group who took them with gratitude; it had been hours since they'd had food or water. The next thing he pulled out were blankets, he passed one over to Sam who was still drenched, then pulled out a second one and looked up at Rodney.
"I know you're definitely going to need to eat soon so your blood sugar doesn't get too low, but we need to take care of that arm. Would you rather wait to eat anything until I'm done?" he asked
Rodney thought about it, as hungry as he was John was probably right so he nodded.
"Okay, maybe come and sit down here," he suggested, motioning to the floor, and Rodney eased himself down there, knowing John had suggested it in case Rodney felt faint at some point.
He sat down beside the desk and John unfolded the blanket to wrap around him, which Rodney gratefully thanked him for then leaned back against the panel behind him. He watched as John gathered together a few things out of the medical kit before pulling a towel out of one of the bags and folding it up a few times then draping it over Rodney's lap.
The first thing he did was grab a pair of scissors and cut the sleeve of Rodney's jacket and shirt since they were both ruined already. He then held Rodney's arm over the towel and ran a little bit of water over the fabric where it had started to stick to the wound. Rodney gritted his teeth at the sting, but didn't make a sound. He knew this wasn't going to be pleasant, but he didn't want to make John feel bad.
John gently eased the fabric away from the wound, using a bit more water on the places it was stuck worst, and when it was finally all unstuck John eased the fabric off Rodney's arm and dropped it on the floor beside him. He studied Rodney's arm closely, his expression unreadable but his eyes blazing with anger, before getting to work on cleaning the wound. The antiseptic stung and Rodney clenched his other hand, closing his eyes against the pain.
"I'm sorry," John said softly, but Rodney shook his head.
"Don't be sorry, you just saved my life and you're fixing me up, which isn't your job, I don't want you to feel bad right now," he replied, looking over at the Major gratefully.
John gave him a weak smile that didn't reach his eyes and turned his attention back to Rodney's arm. "You're going to need stitches," he said gravely, gently pressing against the edges of the wound. "The medical kit has anaesthetic in it so I can do it now, or you can wait for Janet to be back if you'd rather. The longer you wait the more it's going to hurt though, it's already starting to bruise," he explained.
"I'm fine with you doing it now, if you're okay with that," Rodney replied. "We've got nowhere to go at the moment and it already hurts."
"Okay," John agreed, getting everything ready.
Rodney had to admit John certainly seemed to know what he was doing, he was very efficient with his preparation and very thorough with his anaesthetic injecting. It stung of course and he looked at Rodney apologetically when the anaesthetic was done; it was always the worst part. Rodney gave him a soft, understanding smile, patting his knee gently with his free hand.
"How do you know how to do this?" he asked quietly as John started stitching.
"Did medevacs for a long time," John explained. "Sometimes we had to wait a while before we could take off, or we had to stop somewhere for a while to wait out an air battle, so there wasn't a lot for me to do as the pilot at those times. I went back one day to help the medics hold someone still, but realised there wasn't a lot else I could help with, and that seemed silly since I was going to be doing that job for a while. When we got back to the base that day I asked one of the doctors to teach me a few things so I could be more helpful next time. She ended up teaching me to cannulate and suture as well as another couple of things. Suturing was the one I ended up getting the most practice with."
Rodney smiled, impressed as he always was by John. "You're an amazing person, you know that right?" he asked softly and John looked up at him with a look Rodney couldn't read.
"No, that's you," he replied eventually, turning his attention back to Rodney's arm.
Rodney didn't talk to John again for a while, knowing the other man was clearly going through something and figuring it was probably best to let him sort through it undisturbed. If they were alone Rodney would have asked him what was wrong, but with the others around he knew it wasn't a good time. When John finished the last suture he tied it off and cleaned the wound one last time before placing a clear dressing over the top and wrapping it up.
Rodney thanked him quietly and he nodded, cleaning everything up and putting the sharps in the little box designed to hold them in the medical kit. He closed it up then and moved it out of the way before sliding over to sit beside Rodney against the desk; his side pressed right up against Rodney's. He handed Rodney two power bars, some ibuprofen and a bottle of water which Rodney took gratefully and settled in to eat, glad to see John doing the same.
The room was silent until Sam announced that the storm had passed and that the residual energy had dissipated from the corridors so they were safe to walk through again.
John got up from the floor and helped Rodney up after him. Rodney moved over to his computer to check everything and Jack for up, putting Sam back down on the chair. The Colonel then directed John to take Carson down to the infirmary and told Teyla and Cadman to escort Sora down to a holding cell. He and Teal'c then got to work on dealing with the Geni whose bodies were still in the gate room.
Once the room was clear and Rodney and Sam were completely sure the storm was not going to come back their way, Elizabeth dialled the gate and called their people back, not wanting them to remain on that planet any longer than necessary after their supposed allies had betrayed them.
It didn't take long for their personnel to return and the soldiers immediately got to work, without batting an eyelid, helping with the bodies of the dead Geni that were still spread throughout the city; Rodney always admired their ability to just get on with whatever they needed to do.
Janet headed straight down to the infirmary to check on Carson. Jeanie, Jennifer, Daniel and Sha're ran up to check on Sam and Rodney.
They all looked at Rodney's arm horrified and Jeanie and Jennifer smothered him in hugs, but he assured them that he was fine, particularly since the local anaesthetic was still working. The regular evening staff for the central tower came in to take over monitoring everything eventually and Sam and Rodney headed out to reactivate the grounding stations.
At last everything was done and Rodney trudged back to his room, wondering where John was and when he'd make it back. He was so tired he just wanted to fall into bed, but was still so cold from the rain and he knew he desperately needed a shower.
He plodded to the bathroom, swiping his sleeping clothes off the bed as he passed and stripped off what was left of his uniform, throwing the shirt and the jacket in the bin since they were useless now. He unwrapped his arm and rolled up the bandage so he could wrap it again when he was done, then he turned on the water and climbed in, groaning in appreciation as the hot water touched his still cold, aching muscles. He moved through his shower like a zombie then dried himself off, brushed his teeth and wrapped his arm up again.
He pulled on his clothes and trudged back to the room, moving over to his bed and pulling the covers back before dropping down onto the mattress. He rolled on to his side and pulled the covers over himself, snuggling down into the pillow. He lay there for a while, feeling thoroughly exhausted but not able to fall asleep; his mind worrying about John. He knew the man wasn't okay and Rodney really wanted to be able to talk to him.
He was about to sit up and grab the com to call and check where the Major was, when the door to their room opened and John walked in.
Rodney hadn't even bothered thinking the lights on when he'd come into the room and John didn't either. He moved straight into his bathroom not bothering to turn on a light or shut the door, then a few minutes later Rodney heard him turn on the shower. Rodney did his best not to imagine John standing in the dark shower naked and wet, but it happened anyway and damn was that sight erotic.
He heard the shower shut off a few minutes later and after a minute or so John walked out, completely naked except for a towel wrapped around his waist.
Holy shit!
Rodney bit the back of his hand to keep from saying the words out loud, his eyes wide and glued to the man's naked torso. The muscles … god they were divine, the light of the twin moons was flooding through the glass doors, illuminating John's beautiful skin and highlighting every one. This was the first time he'd seen John without a shirt on, when it wasn't in the middle of a medical emergency and therefore Rodney was too worried to pay attention to anything except his panic, and it was a very good thing it was dark right now.
As if the man hadn't already been irresistible.
As John disappeared into his cupboard Rodney focused on calming his body down, moving his currently hard cock up to tuck into the waistband of his pants so it at least wasn't obvious.
John walked out of the cupboard a few minutes later, fully dressed, and Rodney had himself mostly back under control. One look at John's face as he neared the bed threw any last carnal thoughts right out of Rodney's head and he sat up to look at the other man worriedly. His face was a blank mask, but his eyes looked tortured.
"Hey, are you okay?" Rodney asked softly and John seemed startled to see him awake.
"I … thought you were sleeping," John said quietly.
"No, was trying to, but … I was worried about you," Rodney admitted.
John's eyebrows rose, "Worried … about me?" he asked, sounding surprised.
"Well … yes. Why is that so surprising?" Rodney asked confused.
"You know what I did to those Geni, don't you?" John asked, in a voice completely void of emotion.
"You mean killing them?" Rodney asked and John nodded. "Yes, of course I do. I'd either be dead or a Geni prisoner right now if you hadn't."
"And that doesn't bother you? The fact that I just ruthlessly killed a whole lot of people?" John asked.
"No, I've seen you kill people before," Rodney replied.
"You've seen me kill wraith before, that's not the same thing," John pointed out.
Rodney thought about it, he supposed that was true. Did it bother him? … No, it didn't. John was a soldier, he knew that, the fact that he'd killed people was just a given as far as Rodney was concerned. He noticed John had stopped a few feet away from him and he hadn't come any closer, was he doing that in case Rodney didn't want to be near John for what he'd done today?
"Are you staying that far away from me on purpose?" he asked.
"I'm … giving you space to decide whether you would prefer to … distance yourself a little," John replied and Rodney wondered who had reacted that way to knowing what John did in the past.
Rodney didn't know whether or not it was the right thing to do, but he got up from his bed and moved over to John, wrapping his arms around the man's back and hugging him. "Has someone done that to you before? Wanted you to stay away?" he asked softly.
"Yes," John replied simply, holding himself rigidly in Rodney's embrace.
"Well, I don't," Rodney assured him. "I know you're a soldier, I know that means you have to kill people sometimes. I also know that you do those things to protect people, including me, and I'm not afraid of you for that; I'm grateful, because I couldn't do it. You're my friend; you saving my life certainly isn't going to make me think differently."
John didn't reply, but he relaxed in Rodney's embrace, closing his arms around Rodney and holding him back. They were silent for a while, then John spoke, "I was worried about you today. I knew I had to do whatever was necessary to stop them, but it was so hard when Kolya kept threatening you, and when he told me he'd hurt you … it made me a little … mad."
Mad as in angry or crazy?
Rodney didn't ask.
"I was worried about you too," Rodney admitted. "I held my breath every time one of the Geni reported to Kolya, frightened that I was going to hear him say you were dead. It was horrible."
"I was fine, believe me, it was the Geni who weren't," John replied darkly and Rodney tightened his arms around him.
"Thank you," he said.
"For what?" John asked.
"For saving us … and for not getting killed doing it," Rodney replied. "And also, for stitching up my arm."
"Thank you for saving the entire city," John replied.
Rodney nodded against John's shoulder and they fell into silence.
"We should get some sleep, I'm sure you're exhausted," John said after a minute.
"Yeah, I am, I'm sure you are too," Rodney agreed, pulling back from the embrace and looking up at John. "Are you okay?"
"I'll be fine," John replied, his eyes boring into Rodney's. He didn't look all right, but Rodney imagined a day like today would leave a mark on even the most experienced soldiers.
"This is one of those moments where I miss the sleeping bags," Rodney said before he could stop himself, kicking himself mentally.
"Why?" John asked.
"You were closer to me, it was easier to keep an eye on you when I was worried," Rodney replied, trying to make it sound as not gay as possible and have some chance of not giving himself away.
Something flickered through John's eyes, but it was gone too soon for Rodney to identify. John pulled away and walked around Rodney towards the beds. Rodney watched him concernedly, wondering if he was freaked out by what Rodney had said.
He was surprised when John pushed his bed up against Rodney's and since the frames for their beds were just simple base frames and barely wider than the mattresses on them, there wasn't even a noticeable gap between the two beds now.
"Problem solved," John said simply, crawling into his bed and pulling his iPod out of his jacket pocket. He started some Johnny Cash playing then put the iPod over onto his bedside table, reaching out to drag it over beside his bed.
Rodney tried to disguise his delight as he crawled into his own bed, turning over so he was facing John and pulling up the blankets. When he was settled he looked over at John who was facing towards him as well, his soft green eyes studying Rodney's face.
After a moment he held his hand out to Rodney who took it without hesitation, and they gripped each other's hand tightly. "I'm sorry today was so hard for you," Rodney said softly. "I'm here to listen if you want to talk about it."
"Trust me, you don't want to hear it," John said gravely.
"Oh, I'm positive I don't," Rodney agreed. "But I would if it helped you."
For the first time that evening John smiled, "You are the nicest person that's ever lived, Rodney."
Because I love you.
"Only to you," Rodney replied in the way that had become normal for them and John's smile widened a little.
They lay there smiling softly at each other until the tiredness dragged them down and they finally fell asleep.
XX
The next few weeks were a bit of a sombre time for the expedition. The clean up hadn't exactly been nice, particularly the bodies that had been in the corridors after John and others had killed him and had been burnt by the electricity as it had burst through the corridors when the lightning struck. The soldiers had cleaned them up as quickly as possible, but the smell was hard to get rid of in some areas.
It had been hard to decide what to do with the bodies, in the end Elizabeth had sent them back to the Geni along with Sora, as a peace offering of sorts; surely they would want to observe their own funeral rights. No one held out a lot of hope that it would do much, but it certainly beat having to deal with all those bodies themselves.
They'd lost people too of course, members of their expedition who had made friends during their time in the city, and of course they were mourned. There was a memorial service and the bodies of those marines were stored in the morgue to be sent back to their families when they finally made it back to Earth.
Once that was all over it was back to business as usual, which never seemed right but it was what they had to do; pick themselves up and carry on.
Of course it was easier said than done and everyone did something different to distract themselves from what had happened.
Rodney had to admit when Jeanie called him over to her computer to tell him her idea for improving morale around the city -and distract herself from what had happened- he'd been hesitant and concerned about what she was going to show him. He was pleasantly surprised to find out that her idea was something even he found interesting.
She'd set up a program that was basically a music hub, almost like iTunes but on a-whole-nother level. The program would allow anyone in the city to download their music into the central archive for back up and storage. It would then allow anyone else who linked their music device -it wasn't brand specific- to the archive, to look up a song they might want to listen to but didn't have in their own private collection and download it to their own device.
Rodney would freely admit he liked that idea, he had a lot of music already but he loved the idea of being able to access other music he hadn't heard before; he and John would eventually run out of personal music to introduce each other to. It allowed the users to search using names, genres or even lyrics if they wanted to find a song that said something specific; it was brilliant actually.
Rodney helped her with the coding and they soon had the program set up. Jeanie was the first to link up her iPod and input her music, then she grabbed Rodney's iPod and linked his to the system and added his as well. For the rest of that day the scientists took turns adding their devices and music to the database, by the afternoon word had spread to the military staff and they were dropping by to join in too.
It was nice to see people so positive about something and there were discussions about maybe doing the same thing with movies that they had saved digitally on their computers, which Rodney thought was a brilliant idea.
He was pleasantly surprised when John dropped by to add his own music to their program just before dinner time, smiling warmly at Rodney as he always did.
John had been a little quiet after everything that had happened during the storm, and even though Rodney had assured him that nothing had changed about their friendship, the Major often tried to give him more space than usual; which Rodney wasn't enjoying. He seemed to be improving a little more with each passing day, but Rodney was hoping his warm, happy self would be back properly soon.
The day after the storm had been the hardest of course, people were really struggling with the smell and Rodney could tell John had been feeling guilty about it, since he was the one who killed most of the Geni and had to leave their bodies where they died. Of course there was nothing he could do at the time and no one blamed John for any of it; but he still felt guilty.
It wasn't just about that either, a lot of his guilt seemed to be tied to Rodney, which Rodney didn't understand. Janet had insisted on seeing the wound the morning after the storm and had been thrilled by the job John had done suturing it. Rodney had thought John would have been pleased, but he'd just nodded, looking guilty.
It was three weeks on now and Rodney's injury was fully healed. Thanks to John's suturing the scar was as neat as it could be, considering the Geni hadn't been particularly neat when they were hacking into his arm, and Rodney thought he'd done a great job; he had no idea what there was for John to feel guilty about.
Watching the man downloading his music into the program Rodney decided he had to ask; whatever it was he had to find a way to help make it better.
"Hey," he said softly, drawing the Major's attention. "Can we hang out tonight? It's been a while."
John had been working late a lot lately so Rodney had taken the opportunity to do the same. He didn't want to tonight though, he wanted to see his friend.
John looked over at him with a soft smile and said, "Sure, what do you want to do?"
"I don't know, anything, we haven't had a music exchange for a few weeks, or we could watch a movie, or just do nothing, I'm good with that too," Rodney replied.
John looked thoughtful, "Are you nearly finished for the day?"
"I finished a while ago, I've just been playing around with the program," Rodney replied easily.
"Cause if we sneak off now, we can get dinner before anyone else gets to the mess hall and take it back up to our balcony," John replied with a conspiratorial grin and Rodney was happy to see him looking happier than he had since the storm.
"Is your iPod finished?" Rodney asked.
"Yep," John replied without looking at it.
Rodney grinned, "All right then, let's go."
John pocketed his iPod and they left the lab heading straight for the mess hall. They managed to sneak through without drawing anyone else's attention then slipped stealthily back up to their room. They thought the balcony door open as soon as they got there, surprised by the cool gush of air they were greeted by, and decided it would be a good idea to get some warm clothes on before they went out there. They put their food trays down and headed into their cupboards to find something warm, emerging around the same time in tracksuit pants and jumpers, in Rodney's case his orange fleece that he was pleased to see John smile at.
They were headed back out to the balcony and Rodney was flicking through his iPod when something horrifying caught his attention; a playlist that wasn't his. He hadn't realised he'd stopped walking to stare at his iPod in horror until John asked him what was wrong.
"There is a playlist on my iPod that I didn't put there, one of Jeanie's to be exact," Rodney explained.
"And what about that is making you look like you're facing down a hungry wraith?" John asked.
"My sister's taste in music is … horrifying," Rodney explained.
"Oh, come on now, it can't be that bad," John replied as if Rodney were making a big deal out of nothing and Rodney decided to show him exactly how wrong he was.
He scrolled through the playlist until he came across a song that was sure to horrify John, See You Again by Miley Cyrus. He pressed play, then watched John's face as the hideous noise began to boom from the iPod's small, metal body.
"What is that? It's horrifying," John asked a few seconds in and Rodney nodded in agreement.
"This is Miley Cyrus, it is truly horrendous and do you know what the worst part about it is?" Rodney asked.
"What?" John asked looking worried.
"I know every word," Rodney replied gravely and John looked at him sympathetically.
"You're right, that would be awful. Okay, I get your point, you can turn off the hideous noise now," John said, reaching out for the iPod.
Feeling playful Rodney pulled the iPod back and said, "Oh no, as punishment for not believing me, you get to listen to the entire song."
John looked back at him aghast and right as the chorus came on Rodney batted his eyelashes and started singing along.
"Oh god, no, I can't stand it anymore, make it stop," John whined, reaching for the iPod again.
"Nope," Rodney replied, pulling it away again.
"Rodney give it to me," John demanded.
"Nope," Rodney replied again, grinning at John insolently.
John scowled at him for a moment before lunging at the iPod, Rodney once more dancing backwards away from his reach.
What followed was something Rodney would never forget and he was pretty sure the memory would make him laugh for the rest of his life. For the next several minutes John chased him around the room, the two of them using their considerable combat skills to fight over the iPod, without actually hurting each other.
They wrestled, restrained each other, slipped out of those restraints, dodged, blocked and generally play fought with each other like a pair of elementary school children over his iPod, until finally John had Rodney pinned underneath him and was reaching for the iPod, that Rodney was trying to hold out of his reach.
The song ended and Rodney stopped fighting back, letting John take the iPod and pause it before anything else horrifying played.
John rolled off him and lay on the floor beside him, both of them breathless and panting
"Congratulations, you've just listened to an entire Miley Cyrus song," Rodney said when he'd finally caught his breath enough to speak. "And what do we say next time Rodney tells you his sister's a nut job?"
"Yes, Rodney," John replied obediently and Rodney grinned.
"That's exactly right," he agreed, rolling over to look at John.
John looked back at him and grinned, "Those was some impressive moves there, Rodney," he praised.
"Thanks, you too," Rodney replied, grinning back.
It felt like something had shifted between them and it seemed like John was coming back properly, which made Rodney happy.
They took another minute or two to get their breath back, then helped each other up and headed out onto the balcony, knowing they definitely wouldn't be feeling the cold now, for a while at least. As they sat down John gave Rodney back his iPod and Rodney scrolled through his music until he decided on something and put it on.
"This is a band called the Darkness," Rodney explained. "It's song is 'Love it Only a Feeling'. The lyrics are a bit sad, but I like it anyway."
The first flush of youth was upon you when our eyes first met
And I knew that to you and into your life I had to get
I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger's hand
An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand
'Cos you came at a time
When the pursuit of one true love in which to fall
Was the be all and end all
Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing
(It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway
The state of elation that this unison of hearts achieved
I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed
That the light of my life
Would tear a hole right through each cloud that scudded by
Just to beam on you and I
Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing
(It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway, anyway
Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
And we've got to stop ourselves believing
(It's here to stay)
'Cos love is only a feeling
Anyway.
When it was over he looked at John who was looking thoughtful. "You're right it is a bit sad, but it's a really nice song," he commented.
"Yeah, I think so too," Rodney agreed. "What are you going to play for me?" he asked.
"Dan Seals," John replied. "A Song that's the same, lyrics are a bit of a downer, but the song is really nice. It's called 'They Rage On'."
Rodney nodded and John flicked through his iPod until he found it, then put it on to play. It started out with a soft guitar melody that Rodney really liked.
She's a small town girl with no room to grow
And he's a reckless boy with nowhere to go
They're like birds in a cage with no place to fly
So he parks the car and she holds him tight
And they rage on somehow searching for the answers
In the night like shadow dancers
Before their time is gone
They rage on
On the same dark night two more people meet
In a rented room on a cross town street
And she's lost her youth and he's lost his dreams
But for a while they feel like they used to feel
And they rage on
somehow searching for the answers
In the night like shadow dancers
Before their time is gone
They rage on
Against the lives that this world gave them
Hoping something's there to save them
They rage on
Rage on
And they rage on
Somehow searching for the answers
In the night like shadow dancers
Before their time is gone
They rage on
Against the lives that this world gave them
Hoping something's there to save them
They rage on
Rage on
And somewhere between right and wrong
In the grey between dusk and dawn
They tell themselves they're not alone
Cause they rage on
And they rage on
Somehow searching for the answers
In the night like shadow dancers
Before their time is gone
They rage on
They rage on
Against the lives that this world gave them
Hoping something's there to save them
They rage on
They rage on
Rodney nodded, "Yeah, it is a nice song, but I agree about the lyrics. We didn't pick up beat songs tonight, did we?" he asked.
"No, it doesn't look that way," John replied with a small smile.
"Then again, perhaps that's right for tonight," Rodney said thoughtfully, putting his now empty tray down on the floor beside him and turning to look at John again. "I know something's been wrong since the storm, not just that it was horrible and you had to do things you didn't want to, there's something else as well, something to do with me. Could you tell me what it is?" he asked gently.
John put his tray down, and when he turned back he didn't look at Rodney's face, he looked at his arm. "You got hurt," he said softly.
"Yeah," Rodney replied, not understanding where this was going.
"It shouldn't have happened. I should have been up in the control room with you, I should have kept you safe," John said, sounding guilty.
Rodney definitely hadn't expected that to be the reason.
"John you were deactivating the grounding stations to save the city! You didn't know the Geni were going to pose as our allies and come through the gate to raid us, you can't possibly blame yourself for me getting hurt. Besides, you saved me; if you hadn't gotten rid of the Geni in the city so efficiently, and killed the Geni that was trying to take me through the gate, I'd be a prisoner and either being tortured for information or dead right now," Rodney reminded him.
"Doesn't take away the pain you had to go through and it doesn't take away the scar," John said sounding sad. "I wanted to help you feel better about yourself, so you'd stop feeling the need to cover everything up all the time and … I have the feeling that you're going to use this as another reason to hide away; even though I used every skill I know to make sure the scar was as neat as it could be. So, instead of helping you feel better, you have a new scar, that you should wear with pride because it shows how brave you were, but you won't, will you? It's just something else you'll to hide away from everyone; because I didn't protect you."
"John, my body image issues aren't your fault," Rodney reminded him gently.
"You're my best friend, I wanted to help you … I failed-"
"Come on, don't be like that-"
"Am I wrong?" John interrupted him, finally looking up at Rodney. "Tell me honestly, will you do everything possible to hide that scar from everyone?"
Rodney looked down at his arms that were currently hidden by his jumper, "I don't like my arms, the scar isn't the cause of that."
John was looking at him, Rodney could feel it, how was he supposed to answer this in a way that would help John feel better?
Suddenly John stood up beside him and held down a hand to help him up, which he accepted. "Come with me," the Major said softly, pulling him inside. Rodney followed him into the bathroom, thrilled beyond words that John was still holding his hand, and when they got there, John thought the light on and moved Rodney to stand in front of the mirror.
"Now, I love the fleece, you know that, but it's warm enough in here that you don't need it, so take it off please" he asked and as much as Rodney wanted to say no, knowing he'd be under John's scrutiny, he did as his friend asked. When it was off John took it from him and put it down, while Rodney struggled against the urge to cross his arms
John stood beside him and studied him closely in the mirror, before asking, "So tell me, what's wrong with you?"
Rodney looked at his reflection, wondering how John couldn't see it for himself. "Well … look at me."
"I look at you all the time; we work together, we live together, we eat together and hang out together, I spend more time with you than anyone and I can't see anything at all wrong with you. I want to know what you see that you don't like," he asked.
"Well … I'm so pale," Rodney began.
"You're fair, that's your skin tone, what's wrong with it?" John asked.
"Well, it's not very nice," Rodney explained.
"Yes it is, it's lovely," John disagreed.
"I look sick."
"No you don't, you just look fair … creamy … like vanilla ice cream," John replied and Rodney looked at him incredulously. "See it's all in how you look at something," John continued. "When you look at yourself you just think pale, I look at you and think you look like my favourite ice cream."
"Vanilla's your favourite?" Rodney asked curiously.
"Properly made vanilla," John elaborated, "Not regular store bought stuff. I don't have anything against the regular store bought stuff, but the properly made vanilla is so much better. I'm not letting you change the subject though, we're talking about you and your skin, which is a lovely vanilla ice cream colour and not at all unpleasant. If you always look at everything in a negative light, you'll feel negative about it. You can't live your life like that, it'll just make you depressed and I don't want to see you like that."
He turned to face Rodney and reached out to gently touch his arms. "I like your skin, I think it's lovely. The colour is lovely, it's nice and smooth and it's soft, a lot softer than mine because you haven't spent years running around out in the sun. I am also littered with scars, my skin feels like a roadmap … a very rough, off road roadmap because I have hair everywhere. I could choose not to like these things about myself, and there's plenty about myself to dislike, but it is what it is so I try to see the positive in it instead."
Rodney looked at him incredulously, "You look like a world renowned sculptor spent months carving you out of a piece of perfectly tanned marble; there's nothing about you not to like."
"Well, I see plenty of things I could choose not to like about myself. Noone sees themselves the way other people see them, we're always our harshest critics" John reminded him.
He turned Rodney's arm over to look at the scar on his hand. "This shows that you lived through hell and still came out of it a kind, incredible person." He turned the arm over again and looked at the scar from the Geni, "This shows that you were brave, that you put yourself in harms way to protect others -yes, Sam told me you deliberately put yourself in harms way to keep her and Elizabeth safe- and faced down an enemy with courage."
Rodney didn't realise Sam had noticed he was deliberately baiting the Geni so they'd hurt him and not her or Elizabeth. He was trying to make it look to her and Elizabeth like he was distracting Kolya and the others to give John and Jack as much time as possible to rescue them; but really he hadn't been expecting to survive or come out unharmed, he was just trying to make sure they did. He hoped she hadn't been feeling too bad about it.
"As much as I wish this hadn't happened and that I'd been there to protect you, it's something you should wear as a badge of honour, not hide away, and your skin is amazing, you shouldn't be covering it up with layers," John finished, running his thumb gently over the scar.
Rodney fought off the urge to tremble at how good John's fingers felt running over his arm, it made him wonder what they'd feel like running over the rest of his body. It also made him wonder what it would feel like to touch John's arms this way. He should pull away from the touch before he gave away just how much he was enjoying it, but he couldn't, he was frozen in place; it had been so long since anyone had touched his arms without fabric in the way and it felt so good.
"Why are you so nice to me?" he asked, wanting to know the answer and just trying to think of something to say that wasn't 'I love you, please keep touching me'.
"Why shouldn't I be?" John asked back.
"No one's this nice to me," Rodney replied.
"Then they're assholes. There's no reason for anyone not to be nice to you, Rodney, unless they're jealous or just an asshole," John replied. "I get that you have body image issues and I know there's a reason for them even if I don't see it, but please, try and see past them … for me if you won't do it for yourself. I want to see you like yourself more."
"Okay," Rodney agreed, completely incapable of arguing right now.
"Thank you," John replied, sounding grateful, and even though Rodney's brain had half gone to mush right now, his genius mind supplied something he needed to add.
"As long as you stop feeling guilty and blaming yourself for this," he said, knowing John would know what he was talking about. He glanced up at the major and saw him looking at Rodney with a torn expression. "This wasn't your fault, it's not fair to blame yourself for it. I want you to let it go, for me, it's made you hide from me a lot lately and I don't like that, I miss you," he admitted, looking at John earnestly.
John closed his eyes and sighed. "All right, I can't expect you to agree to something that's hard for you if I'm not willing to do the same, but, Rodney-"
"You saved my life," Rodney interrupted him. "Do you have any idea how terrifying the thought of being a Geni prisoner was for me? When they were walking us down to the stargate I was trying to figure out how I could save Sam and Elizabeth, even if I got killed in the process, because I couldn't bear the thought of us being their prisoners; I'd rather have been shot. You saved me, I don't ever want you to feel guilty about an injury, particularly when you then sutured me up afterwards even though I know you were exhausted and I'm sure all you wanted to do was sit down and do nothing like everyone else. Don't feel guilty, promise me."
John's far too beautiful green eyes opened and looked down at him with acceptance, "All right," he agreed.
"Thank you," Rodney replied.
Knowing he was in terrible danger of doing something stupid Rodney reached over to grab his jumper again, only to be stopped by John's hands on his shoulders. "Oh no, it's warm in here, you don't need that," John said, turning him towards the direction of the door and nudging him back out of the bathroom.
Rodney grudgingly walked out into the bedroom, resisting the urge to cross his arms over his chest and hide them away.
"What do you want to do now? Are you awake enough for a movie?" John asked.
"Sure," Rodney agreed easily, glad to have the chance to spend more time with John before they went to bed. "What are you in the mood for?"
"I don't know, nothing too full on," John replied and Rodney thought about his movie collection.
"Have you watched the World's Fastest Indian?" he asked.
"No, what's that about?" John asked.
"A New Zealand guy with a Motorbike," Rodney replied.
"I'm in," John agreed easily and Rodney moved over to where his computer was sitting on his bedside table. John headed into his bathroom while Rodney searched for the movie and came back out a minute later, with his jumper off as well, wearing a green t-shirt that set off his eyes beautifully and clung to every gorgeous muscle he had.
Damn, could you be any hotter?
Rodney brought the movie up on the computer then headed into his own bathroom to brush his teeth, figuring they'd be falling asleep right after the movie. He paused on his way out to consider the jumper on the floor, but John's voice from out in the other room said, "You're not allowed to put that jumper back on, Rodney."
Rolling his eyes Rodney picked the jumper up and brought it back out into the room. "Maybe not, but I'm not leaving it on the bathroom floor; it's my favourite jumper," he replied, walking over to the cupboard to put it away. He took his work shirt off and swapped it for a blue t-shirt, wishing he had the muscles for it to highlight that John had, and headed back out into the bedroom. He considered making a jab at John about strutting around the room in a t-shirt that made him look so hot it only increased Rodney's self-consciousness, but decided against it. Then John might hide his body away and Rodney never wanted him to do that.
He was surprised when he came back into the room and John looked up at him, his green eyes widening almost comically. He blinked several times at Rodney before a bright smile spread across his face. "You own a t-shirt like that and this is the first time I'm seeing you wear it?" The Major asked, sounding delighted and disbelieving in equal measure.
Rodney looked down at the t-shirt, not seeing anything particularly remarkable about it. "I own a few like this, the colour goes well under other things," he explained.
John's grin widened, "It doesn't need to go 'under' anything, it's great on its own." He replied. "Do you have any idea how good it looks on you? It brings out your eyes perfectly and goes beautifully with your skin. Seriously, go and look in the mirror if you don't believe me."
Rodney shook his head with a chuckle, moving over to the bed. "Maybe tomorrow, right now I just want to sit down," he replied. "And same," he added, tugging lightly on the sleeve of John's t-shirt as he settled beside him.
"Thank you," John replied, sounding grateful. "That's the way you're supposed to respond when someone gives you a compliment, by the way."
Rodney chuckled again, pulling the computer up onto his lap and turning to look at the other man who was still watching him with an expectant grin.
"Thank you, John," he said reluctantly, but he couldn't fight the small smile that tugged on his lips.
"You're welcome, Rodney," John replied, his smile turning warm.
Rodney took a moment to enjoy the beautiful view he presented, before turning his attention back to the computer and starting up the movie, thinking the lights off as he did.
They settled in to watch the movie, and as it was getting to the part where the main character went over to America, Rodney turned some of his attention to the man beside him. He wasn't used to sitting so close to John with his arms exposed, it made him keenly aware of the other man's close proximity. John's arm was right next to his, the dark hair tickling Rodney's skin so delightfully, and Rodney couldn't help but marvel at how different it felt. They'd sat like this so many times now but never with so much skin exposed; he liked it far more than he should.
John was going to get his wish, Rodney would wear his t-shirts more; only while they were in the room of course. If it meant he got to feel this closeness whenever they were sitting next to each other he'd deal with any other discomfort he felt about it; it was lovely.
He enjoyed the rest of the movie, and when it was over John looked he was almost asleep already. He turned on some Johnny Cash while Rodney put the computer down beside the bed, and by the time Rodney rolled over to face him, John was already asleep.
Rodney watched him for a minute, thinking about how beautiful the Major was. He was tired too, he must have been, because without even thinking about it he reached out and gently ran his fingers over John's exposed arm, enjoying the way the skin and hair felt under his fingers.
"See, they don't feel as nice as yours," John's quiet voice startled him, but Rodney could tell that the man wasn't really awake.
"They're perfect, just like the rest of you," he replied honestly, figuring the other man wouldn't remember this conversation anyway.
John made a noise of disagreement, his fingers reaching out to gently touch Rodney's arm. "No, you are," he replied and Rodney couldn't help but chuckle; even in his sleep John was ridiculously nice to him.
"You are the nicest man alive, John."
"Only to you."
XX
What did we think? I imagined the scene with John and Rodney play fighting around the room for aged while I was writing it and the image of it made me laugh by ass off LOL. If you're enjoying the story please comment and let me know. More to come shortly, promise. See you soon.