Hi everyone I'm back, sorry for the delay I've been working on an original story. I've been considering turning it into a John/Rodney fanfic so I can post it up here, let me know if you'd like me to.
I think the name of this chapter pretty much sums up what's coming, I'm not sure I'm completely happy with how it all goes down, but try as I might I couldn't decide how to do it so I went with this option. Please let me know what you think, even if you think it could have gone down better, I'd love to hear what you think.
WARNING MASSIVE FLUFF AHEAD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! There would be smut but I'm not allowed to post it on here, sorry. Feel free to PM me for the link to the story on Ao3 if you want to read it, it actually makes up a lot of this chapter so it's pretty short without it
And this is only the beginning, expect a lot more to come.
FINALLY
The next four weeks were murder for John.
Because of the nature of what was happening to Rodney being energy related rather than any sort of virus, no one was allowed anywhere near the isolation room except the medical personnel. John had missed Rodney like a piece of himself was missing and it was horrible trying to get to sleep at night without Rodney beside him; the room felt so empty.
After a week of close monitoring Carson and Janet had determined that the energy levels had peaked and were no longer increasing. They were working under the assumption that the energy was residual from the creature healing Rodney and that it had just continued to build in his system, the same way the creature's did when it fed. It didn't seem to cause Rodney any harm, in fact it seemed to be very good for his body, which was odd but much better than it trying to kill him.
Elizabeth kept him in quarantine for another three weeks though, wanting to make sure nothing was going to come of that energy and sending along small pieces of technology from earth and Atlantis for him to work on, to see if the energy caused them any harm, which it didn't. Finally, after she was satisfied that he wasn't a threat to the city or anyone in it, she'd given Carson and Janet permission to release him.
John had gone stir crazy the entire time, and as much as he tried not to let it show he knew the others were very aware. To distract himself from his worry he'd spent some time trying to think of a nice surprise for Rodney to come home to, a welcome home gift of sorts, and the answer had actually come to him relatively easily. Rodney hated the single beds they had in their room, particularly the mattress. They were getting regular deliveries of things through the stargate and from the Daedalus now, so John had ordered Rodney a super king-sized bed, with a beautiful, chiropractic mattress, some soft, luxurious linens, a large, warm comforter and lots of pillows to go on it.
He'd ordered another couple of things as well and they all arrived a few days before Rodney was let out, so John had asked Jack, Teal'c, Sam and Teyla to help him put it all together. They'd positioned the bed at Rodney's end of the room, up against the flat wall beside the door as it had a very tall headboard and needed to be up against a flat surface. Once it was in position John smiled at it brightly, thinking about how perfect it looked in the room. He'd thanked the others for their help then set about making it up with the new bamboo sheets he'd bought in ocean blue, silver, forest green and grey to accent the room. He put the blue ones on this time, wanting it to stand out. The comforter he'd bought looked like a nebula of the four colours, so it would match any of the sheets, and he'd bought extra pillow cases in all the colours for all the extra pillows.
When it was all made up he stood back to admire his handiwork, hoping Rodney would like it – and imagining how sexy he'd look splayed out naked across it.
That was the other thing he'd done to keep himself sane while Rodney had been in isolation. Once he'd found out from Carson that he was confident Rodey was going to be okay, John had started planning how he was going to tell Rodney he loved him. He'd originally been worrying about how he was going to sell the idea of a relationship to the scientist, considering DADT was a thing and they'd have to be secretive about the whole thing, but halfway through Rodney's isolation Jack had called John down to his office to let him know DADT had been repealed and that the senate had voted to lift the ban on gay marriage in all US states at the same time.
John had sat there in the chair across from Jack feeling stunned and elated all at once, imagining all the things he and Rodney could do now. They could have a real relationship, no hiding or worrying about John getting caught and court marshalled, they could have a whole life together; they could even get married. O'Neill had brought him back to reality by asking whether he was finally going to make his move and John had looked back at him, with what would probably have been the cheesiest grin in the world, and nodded. Jack had laughed and dismissed him and John had walked out of the office in a happy, daydreamy daze.
For the next two weeks he spent every spare second imagining what their life would be like; how incredible it would be to wake up beside Rodney, not just next to him but actually holding him, to be able to kiss him and touch him whenever he wanted, to be able to hold his hand without needing a reason, to run his hands all over the scientist's beautiful, creamy skin, to kiss him all over and see those beautiful, blue eyes gaze up at him as they made love.
He was and wasn't surprised to often find himself imagining them getting married, feeling Rodney slip a ring on his finger and then doing the same in return. He'd never wanted these things, never even thought about them, but he wanted them all with Rodney. Now that he knew he was in love with him it had opened up a flood gate of realisation and John knew exactly what he wanted.
He just hoped he could figure out how to be a good partner in a relationship quickly enough not to mess it up.
The hardest part had been working out how to broach the subject with Rodney in the first place, and since they always listened to music together, he figured that was the best way to do it. He'd scoured every song he could think of to find one that was perfect, and when that had failed he'd done a search for song lyrics in Jeanie's database that said certain things, and finally he'd found the perfect song. It was nothing like his usual style of music, but it was exactly right for what he wanted to say to Rodney. He'd managed to find someone on base who had it and downloaded it onto his iPod. Now all he had to do was play it for Rodney.
When they got word that he was finally being released John and the others had gone to wait outside the isolation room. When Rodney had emerged, looking stunned and thrilled to see them all, Sam had been the first to leap on him, followed quickly by Jeanie and Jennifer then Vala. Once they were done Teyla gave him her usual greeting and Teal'c did his thing. Daniel, Sha're and Jack gave him hugs that were much more sedate, but equally as warm as the girls' hugs had been.
John wanted to push every one of them out of the way and have Rodney first, but he didn't, waiting patiently -on the outside at least- for the others to get through their greetings first, because he knew his was going to be the longest.
When it was finally his turn he gave Rodney a warm smile, his heart racing as Rodney smiled back at him in that beautiful way that had always been reserved for John. He'd always loved it, but knowing now why Rodney looked at him the way he did gave the smile even more significance. He wrapped his arms around Rodney, wishing he could wrap his entire body around the man, and held him tightly, loving the way his arms wrapped around John in return.
Their moment was interrupted by Vala, who ran up and threw her arms around both of them, "Group Hug!" she called out, taking the opportunity to grab their asses.
"You know you're not fooling anyone right?" John asked as they both turned to glare at her.
"Well, can't blame a girl for trying," Vala replied, still holding on to them.
"Vala!" Sam's warning snarl made her release them both very suddenly and they pulled away from each other, exchanging a raised eyebrow.
"Come on you two, celebratory dinner," O'Neill called out, motioning for them to follow him in the direction of the mess hall.
John and Rodney managed to walk together, although they didn't get much of a chance to talk as Rodney was regaled with stories of everything that had happened in his absence. John was mildly annoyed, but he knew that as soon as dinner was over he'd have Rodney to himself, so he reigned it in.
While they sat with the group eating dinner, several members of the science and military staff came over to welcome Rodney back, which John could tell surprised and pleased Rodney in equal measure. The man had no idea how many people liked him, he was always more likely to believe that they didn't and after the things John had seen and heard while Rodney was with the creature that wasn't surprising. He wanted to help Rodney break this habit, but in all honesty he was really no better himself; these people were the largest group of friends he'd ever had and Rodney, Sam Carson and Teyla were by far the closest.
Dinner dragged on as everyone wanted their moment to chat to Rodney, but at last everyone was finished and headed back to their rooms. The lift up to their floor could handle about half of them at a time and they let the first group go up, then joined Sam, Jack, Daniel, Sha're, Teal'c and Teyla in the second group. John had spent the entire evening ignoring his nerves, but the closer they got to their room the more the butterflies danced around in his stomach.
They bid the others goodnight at their door, and both Jack and Sam shot John an encouraging look, that Rodney thankfully didn't see, before disappearing into their room. John stopped Rodney before he got through John's door and said, "I have a surprise for you, so I want you to close your eyes for a second okay."
Rodney looked delighted and puzzled in equal measure, but he agreed, closing his eyes and allowing John to lead him into the room. John thought all the doors shut and locked, thinking the lights on at just the right level to be a soft, relaxing glow rather than a bright, glaring light. Once he had everything perfect, he moved Rodney over to the end of the bed and told him he could open his eyes.
VV
Rodney opened his eyes and gasped at the sight he was greeted by. The bed in front of him was huge, bigger than a king from the look of it. It was made of a lovely, almost white timber that went beautifully with the metal walls around it. It was a medium height up from the floor, just perfect for flopping into when he was tired and had a headboard that reached two metres up the wall and was full of little alcoves and cupboards, completely erasing any need for bedside tables. It had been made up in beautiful, royal blue sheets and pillow cases while the comforter on top looked like a nebula of royal blue, forest green, silver and grey tones. It was incredible and Rodney loved it.
"It's … it's … why?" he breathed, really confused about why John would get him something like this.
"I wanted to get you something as a welcome home present, and I know how much you hate the beds here, so I thought a big, comfortable bed would be a good idea," John replied. "Do you like it?" he asked, sounding nervous.
"Yes I … I absolutely love it, it's … no one had ever given me something so amazing in my life." He felt tears pricking his eyes as he said it and he blinked them away, reaching forward to touch the comforter with hesitant fingers.
"Why don't you try it out?" John suggested.
"Oh … I don't want to mess it up, it's so lovely," Rodney replied and John chuckled.
"Don't worry, I didn't expect it to stay that way," he replied. "Go on, try it," he coaxed and Rodney crawled up hesitantly and lay down on the bed, sighing as he sank back into the mattress.
"This is incredible," he said softly, looking over at John. "Have you tried it out yet?"
"No," John replied and Rodney looked at him incredulously.
"Really? You put this whole thing together and made it up like that and didn't even lie down on it once?"
"No, it's yours, I wanted you to be the first to try it out," John replied, smiling warmly at Rodney.
"Well, come over here then," Rodney said, patting the spot beside him.
John crawled onto the bed beside him and stretched all those long sexy limbs before settling down beside Rodney with an appreciative groan. "You're right, this is incredible he agreed.
Rodney just looked at John, struck by how incredible he looked strewn out on Rodney's new bed; God he looked so good there. All Rodney could think about right at that moment was leaning over and kissing those incredible lips and he wanted to, so badly. The creature in the cave had told him not to wait anymore, maybe it was right, maybe he should just take a chance. He was utterly terrified of what could go wrong, but his feelings for John were so strong, he didn't want to ignore them anymore.
Suddenly John turned to look back at Rodney with a soft, warm smile that made his beautiful green eyes smoulder and Rodney's heart raced in his chest. He had to say something, he couldn't leave it anymore.
"Hey," John spoke before he could. "I know it's late and you're probably tired, but if you can manage a short trip out onto the deck, I have a song I want you to hear."
"Okay," Rodney agreed softly, knowing the moment was gone and chickening out again. He was annoyed at himself as John sat up from the bed, but that melted away as the Colonel held out his hand to help Rodney up, then kept a hold of it as he led Rodney out onto the deck where he'd set up a blow-up mattress, that was almost as big as Rodney's new bed, and covered it in a soft, fleece blanket and pillows.
"I like sitting out here with our music, but I thought lying down looking at the stars might be nice sometimes too," John said quietly, slipping gracefully down onto the mattress and pulling Rodney down to lie beside him. "This is definitely not my usual taste in music, but I really like this song and I wanted you to hear it. Are you ready?" he asked.
Rodney moved around until he was comfortable then nodded and John pressed play on his iPod.
Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be
Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings?
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings
Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary night
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry
You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings
So, impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
'Cause who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete
Well for me, it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
At any given time or place
It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
'Cause you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings
And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings
The song ended and Rodney smiled. Definitely not John's usual choice of music, but Rodney really liked it. "That was a beautiful song," he commented as John closed his iPod and put it down beside the mattress. "Definitely not your usual kind of music though, what do you like so much about it?" he asked, knowing there must be something for John to choose it rather than his normal style.
"I like it because … it can tell you everything I feel about you without me struggling to find the words to say it myself," John replied and Rodney felt his heart stop. Had he really just heard that right? He looked over at John and found his green eyes looking back at Rodney, full of nerves, anticipation and … love?
"Really?" Rodney asked, holding his breath for John's answer.
"Yeah," John replied, looking more nervous by the second.
"You … you …-"
"I love you."
Oh, he said it … he actually said it. Never in Rodney's wildest dreams had he ever imagined he'd hear John say those words to him.
The tears came on so suddenly Rodney didn't have time to try and push them away, not that he would have had a chance anyway. He wanted to reach out and touch John or say something back, but he was frozen in shock.
"Hey … I'm sorry, I didn't want to upset you," John said worriedly, moving to put some distance between them.
"No!" Rodney cried out, his body finally responding to his commands and snaking his hand out to catch John's hand. "I … I'm not upset, I promise, I'm … I'm the exact opposite I …" he trailed off and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry … I'm not usually this emotional I promise I just … I never thought I'd hear you say that to me," he confessed looking down at where his hand was holding John's.
His thoughts flew back to Antarctica and the day they'd met. "Do you remember the day you asked me what I thought the first time I saw you and I said I couldn't remember?" he asked
"Yes," John replied softly.
"I lied, I remember exactly what I thought, because for a few seconds I literally couldn't think and that's really unusual for me," Rodney confessed. "And when my brain did start working again, I thought 'oh my god you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life' and I still think that every time I look at you. I wanted you the second I saw you, but then I got to know you and … you're so perfect I could have made you in a lab. You're amazingly beautiful, you have the perfect body, it's like someone sculpted you out of flawless, sun kissed marble. You're funny and you're so good and kind and brave; you're practically a super hero. You're the perfect combination of laid back and serious, your smile makes me melt, but best of all you're smart. You're not like so many other soldiers I've known, you're intelligent and thoughtful and you don't get intimidated or resent me for how smart I am … there are so few people like that."
He had to push back a sob to continue. "I wanted you so much, but I never thought that could happen, so when you seemed to like me and want to be my friend …" he trailed off and took a shaky breath. "You don't know how lovely that felt, to have someone so wonderful want to be friends with me. And of course I fell in love with you so hard there's nothing I can even relate it to, but you were my friend and I was terrified to lose that so I didn't say anything."
He ran his thumb gently over John's hand, "Hearing you say that to me just now, after wanting you for so long and … being scared that you'd hate me if you ever found out how I felt about you … it was … amazing and so overwhelming."
He finally looked up at John who was looking down at him with eyes that were just a little too bright, "I love you, so much, you are the most incredible person I know and … if you really love me too, I may just be the happiest person in two galaxies right now," he confessed.
John slipped his hand out of Rodney's and brought them both up to cradle his face. "I do love you, Rodney, more than I've ever loved anyone," he said softly, leaning in and kissing Rodney's forehead so tenderly Rodney had to close his eyes against another wave of tears.
"You are the most beautiful person I've ever known and I wanted you the moment we met too. I remember just looking at you in that orange fleece that made your incredible eyes look even more blue and thinking that I wanted to kiss every inch of your skin. I've only had one nighters up until this point, being a man who likes other men in the military isn't exactly easy so … you have to take what you can get and be discreet about it, and my parents didn't like me anymore than yours did, so I've never loved anyone and no one's ever loved me. It took me a while to work out what I felt for you because it's so foreign to me, and of course there were rules that I was supposed to obey but … I wanted you so badly, and I never said anything either because I was so scared of losing you. Then that cave monster took you and when he told us you were going to die … I honestly felt like the world was falling apart around me. I looked everywhere around that cave for a way in and there was nothing, I didn't know what to do," he whispered and Rodney saw a tear slip down his face which he reached out to wipe away.
"I realised what I felt for you while I was there, and I promised myself and the cave monster that I would tell you as soon as I had the chance. Do you know that's why it let you go? Because it could feel our feelings and they were so strong -it knew what I felt about you before I did, that's how emotionally inept I am-." He shook his head slightly. "You talk about me like I'm this unbelievably amazing person, but I'm not, you are. You're perfect and you're beautiful, I love everything about you and … I'm sorry to disagree with you, but you loving me back makes me the happiest person in two galaxies, male, female or in between."
Rodney huffed out a laugh at that and John chuckled along with him.
The wind that had been a mostly soft, calm breeze, chose that moment to bring a cold gust over them, and John slipped his arms around Rodney, pulling him close. Rodney bit back a gasp of pleasure at the beautiful sensation of John's body pressing against his, slipping his arms around John's delectable frame in return; it was like he was having a really amazing dream that he never wanted to wake up from. He felt John stroking his back through the fabric of his jacket and realised that he was subconsciously doing the same thing to John.
"We should probably go inside, it's getting cold out here," John said softly.
Rodney didn't want to move; this was the most amazing thing he'd ever experienced and he didn't want it to end. He knew John was right though and it was starting to get quite cold. Should he ask John to come and try out his new bed with him? Would that be too forward? Was he brave enough?
Deciding he had nothing to lose, he mustered his courage and asked, "Your bed or mine?" glancing up at John to see his reaction and hoping the other man wouldn't see how nervous he was right at that moment.
John looked back at him with a heated, considering look. "Yours," he replied, and after a moment's hesitation he added. "It's bigger and a lot more comfortable."
Rodney watched a flicker of nerves flash through John's eyes and realised he was probably just as nervous about saying the wrong thing or overstepping as Rodney was, maybe even more so if he'd never really been in a relationship before. Pulling gently out of John's arms Rodney stood up and reached down to help John up after him. Meeting John's eyes he gave the other man a warm, flirty smile, linking their fingers together.
Rodney wondered at how amazing that simple contact felt and led the way back into the room, thinking the balcony doors closed behind them. Once they were inside Rodney turned to look at John, who was studying their joined hands.
"Can I ask you something?" John said softly
"Of course," Rodney replied.
"If I … take a little while to get … good at this, is that going to be a problem?" he asked quietly.
There were a lot of ways Rodney could take that question, so he decided it best to ask for clarification. "Good at what, John?" he asked, bringing his free hand up to gently slip into John's rebellious hair, surprised at Colonel's sharp intake of breath. In all of Rodney's imaginings of what a relationship between them would be like it had never occurred to him that John would be as affected by a touch from Rodney as Rodney was at the very thought of John touching him.
"All of it," John replied still not looking at him. "I … can do sex just fine, I know what I'm doing there, but actually making love with someone is something I've never really done and … I'm not very good at … romantic things or relationships in general. I've never had to be, it's not something I've ever really had much of a chance to do so I haven't given it a lot of thought … but then I've never loved anyone before." he looked up at Rodney, his green eyes open and unguarded in ways Rodney had never seen them. He looked nervous and vulnerable, but behind it all there was so much love and affection for Rodney it was staggering.
Rodney had always thought of John as this incredible, untouchable god, so strong and self-assured and perfect. But John wasn't always going to be like that, nobody was and he'd told Rodney he hadn't really had relationships before; he wouldn't know what to do would he?
That love though, that endless depth of love and devotion he could see John felt for him was incredible, it was just like the way Rodney felt about John in return and seeing that made Rodney push aside any nerves he felt about accidentally doing the wrong thing and instead filled him with the courage he needed to step up and help John any way he could. He may not have a lot of experience with relationships of the romantic sort either, but he at least had Sam, Jennifer, Jeanie and Janet growing up, he knew what it meant to support someone and love someone unconditionally through whatever life threw at them. They'd been all they had for most of their lives and they still had a bond nothing could break. He could teach John what that was, what it meant, although they already had a pretty unshakable bond, it just had to translate over to a romantic bond rather than a friendship.
Moving closer to John he pulled his hand free of the Colonel's grasp and brought them both up to cradle his face, letting his own defences drop and letting John see all the love he had for him in return. "I don't expect you to be perfect, John, I'm certainly not and realistically no one is. I don't need you to be a romantic, poetry reading, Disney prince … I'd hate that honestly; I want you to be you. Sweetheart you are my dream, I'm not going to give you up just because you have a few things you can't do perfectly. Being a good partner doesn't mean being perfect, it means loving someone enough and caring enough about them to want to make them happy and doing the best you can. And honestly, I find a lot of what most people call romance pretty ridiculous really," he assured the Colonel. "Come and lie down with me," he invited softly, reaching for John's hand again and pulling him toward the bed.
They both sat down on the edge and pulled their shoes off before crawling up onto the pillows together. John reached for him as soon as they got there and pulled him close which Rodney loved. It was like John couldn't get enough of the contact now that he could have it and Rodney was in complete agreement. "Okay, can I ask you a question now?" he said as they snuggled in together.
"Of course," John repeated his earlier words, carding a hand gently through his hair.
Rodney made a happy sound, enjoying the feeling, before asking, "What do you want from this relationship? Brutal honesty, don't overthink it. I promise I won't judge."
"I want … you … I want …" John trailed off and sighed. "I want everything; a life together, marriage, the whole lot," he admitted and Rodney could hear that it was hard for him. "I've … I've never wanted any of that with anyone, but … I want to wake up beside you in the morning, I want to kiss you awake and see your incredible blue eyes open and look up at me the same way you looked at me just a second ago. I want to sneak into your lab and bring you little treats and surprises when you don't expect them and kiss you while the other scientists aren't looking. I want to explore the galaxy with you on our work days and do whatever fun thing pops into our minds on our days off, whether it's riding a Ferris wheel, taking surprise flights in a jumper, or going to a physics convention where you explain to me how very wrong most of the people's theories are the whole time we're there. I want to lie out on the balcony in the evenings with you, holding you and listening to music until it gets late and not worry if we happen to fall asleep out there. I want to get in the shower with you and run my hands over every inch of your delectable skin while I kiss you all over. I want to make love with you, to know everywhere you like to be touched and exactly how you like it. I want to bring you more pleasure than you've ever known, feel your hands gripping my hair and listen to you call out my name as I watch you lose all sense of everything except the moment we're sharing and how incredible I make you feel. I want to wrap myself around you every night and whisper to you about how much I love you as you fall asleep, then hold you close all night. And one day I want to stand up in front of all of our self-made family and hear a celebrant tell us that we're married and kiss you knowing that you're going to be mine forever. That is the completely uncensored truth, I've had a long time to think about it so it's a bit specific … have I freaked you out yet?"
Rodney blinked back the tears that wanted to choke him and shook his head, "No … no that's … that's all the things I want with you too. Sorry, being emotional again but that was … that was really sweet. You say you don't know how to be romantic, but saying all of that to me was … better than any romantic gesture I've ever seen anyone do."
"Really?" John asked, sounding surprised but pleased at the same time. "I thought romance was all like … candle lit dinners and poetry and-"
Rodney chuckled quietly, wiping his face. "Don't get me wrong if you wanted to try and sneak a candle out onto the balcony one evening and bring food along, I think we could have a rather nice little dinner until the breeze picked up and blew the candle out, but I don't expect poetry from you, ever, I don't even like it. Being romantic in ways most people think of it is pretty damn useless honestly. I think being romantic in the true sense of the word it getting to know your partner, finding out who they are, what they like and don't like and doing things to help them or just make them happy. Bringing me treats in my lab, that's romantic, sneaking off in a jumper with me so we can spend some time alone together, that's romantic. Finding a song to play for me that is completely not your usual taste in music and would have probably taken ages to find, that's romantic. Spending time together doing things we love is romantic, kissing every inch of my skin and making love with me is romantic," he said, leaning up to kiss the bottom of John's jaw and enjoying the way John trembled in delight as he did. "I'm not Cinderella, I don't want prince Charming, I want you. I already know you; I like to think better than anyone, and I love you completely for who you are."
John pulled back enough to look down at him, "You really mean that don't you?" he asked, as if the very concept was shocking.
Rodney looked back at him incredulously. "Really? You're surprised that I love you? Because I guarantee that you're going to be the only one surprised by that and not the other way around. I'm a bit cute … maybe, you look like a damn god."
"You are stunning," John argued. "I don't know why you have such a low opinion of yourself, but you shouldn't. I've wanted to kiss you since I met you in Antarctica, and that day in the sparing room when you were half way through that fight with Teyla and pulled your shirt off, I had to clamp my hands down in my lap to hide a very interested body part. You are hot as hell and I am definitely not the only one who thinks so, trust me, I've overheard many a conversation between the women on base since we've gotten here about how they want to jump you and every one made me burn with jealousy because I was sure you were straight and I'd never get a chance to be with you … but that wasn't what I meant when I asked if you really meant what you said. What I wanted to know is if you really love me for me and not how I look," John finished, looking at Rodney with hopeful curiosity.
"Yes, of course I mean it, but I'm still surprised that you find that so hard to believe. You are an amazing person, in every way, why wouldn't I love you?" Rodney asked.
"I guess I don't see myself the way you do. You know I'm not good with people, you, Teyla, Carson and the others are the closest friends I've ever had. I never really let anyone in before now, Lyle was probably the closest, but I never let him as close as I've let you … It's very foreign to me." He looked at Rodney with longing. "I want you close though, I've never wanted anything more … but I'm not going to lie, I'm terrified by the whole thing. The more I let you in the easier it is for you to hurt me and I'm not used to feeling like that."
"Would you prefer it if you didn't have those feelings for me?" Rodney asked, sad that John was so frightened by all of this.
"No," John replied emphatically, reaching out to cradle Rodney's face in his hands. "This is the most amazing thing I've ever experienced, even just lying here with you, nothing could ever make me wish this away."
"Well, I'm glad to hear that, but I want you to know right now that I'd never hurt you, not knowingly anyway, I only want to make you feel happy and loved," Rodney said softly, reaching up to gently stroke John's face.
"I'd never hurt you either," John whispered, one of his hands slipping down to gently stroke Rodney's chest, over his heart which was fluttering happily under his touch. "And I'll never let anything else hurt you again. I'm so sorry I wasn't with you when it took you, if I had been …"
"You would have been stuck in the cave having your life sucked out with me," Rodney interrupted him. "It didn't take me because it was malicious, it took me because I was an easy meal and if you'd been with me, it just would have taken you too."
"If I hadn't hurt your feelings in the first place it wouldn't have even been drawn to you," John reminded him. "And If I'd tried to talk to you rather than giving you space and standing back scratching my head over what could possibly be wrong with you, we might have worked it all out before he'd had a chance to be drawn to you."
"It might have been my depression over the whole thing that got his attention and made him hone in on me, but I honestly think he would have taken me regardless, because I was there. And I didn't come to talk to you either, I was too busy letting all my insecurities get the better of me," Rodney argued quietly. "And remember, if you didn't love me as much as you do, the creature would never have let me go. You saved me, John, I'd be dead if it wasn't for you, I don't want you to blame yourself for what happened; I don't," Rodney assured him.
"I do love you, more than I could ever tell you. I've loved you since we met, even if I didn't realise it," John whispered.
"I love you, too," Rodney replied.
They gazed at each other and Rodney was struck by the thought that this time he didn't have to look away and hide his feelings, he didn't have to fight his urge to tell John that he loved him or stop himself from taking those beautiful lips with his. This was all so surreal and it felt wonderful.
John's gaze moved down to his lips then flittered back up to his eyes for a moment and Rodney knew what he wanted. John was going to kiss him, just the thought of it was enough to make his heart race. He slipped his hand back into John's hair and pulled him closer, moving forward at the same time to meet him half way. Their lips touched in the barest hint of a kiss, but it was enough to make Rodney's breath catch and he could feel John's heart pounding. They pulled away after a few seconds and John whispered, "I haven't done this in a long time, I'm not sure how good I'll be."
"John, it's you, I have been wanting to kiss you since the moment we met. All those nights out on the balcony, lying beside you while we were falling asleep, all those moments where I got lost in your eyes; it was so hard to stop myself. You could be the worst kisser in the world and I wouldn't care," Rodney assured him, pulling him back into much more thorough kiss.
Oh god.
It started off slowly, hesitantly, then built up as they became more confident in what they were doing. Their mouths moved against each other, gently nipping and tasting each other's lips, then John's tongue snaked out to gently stroke against Rodney's lips and he opened to him, gasping in pleasure as John's tongue stroked his own and lightly caressed the inside of his mouth.
Rodney melted into the kiss, allowing himself to get lost in how amazing it felt; John might not have done this for a while, but damn he was good at it.
Rodney barely noticed John leaning up over him or how he turned onto his back in response, urging John to cover Rodney's body with his own. He moaned in pleasure and heard John do the same as his body pressed down into Rodney's, bringing all of those incredible muscles to rest against him. One of Rodney's hands gripped John's hair tightly, keeping him close, while the other slipped around John's back, reaching down to find the bottom of John's jacket and sliding back up underneath his tight, black t-shirt.
He let out a delighted sound when he felt John's skin under his hand and John gasped above him, pulling away from the kiss for a moment and resting his face against Rodney's. He trembled as Rodney's fingers slid up his back. "God your hands feel so good on my skin," he whispered, his own hand slipping down Rodney's body and gliding up over the skin of Rodney's stomach.
The sound he made was a combination of a moan and a delighted whimper as his hand fanned out over Rodney's skin. "Fuck, Rodney, your skin is incredible. I've been dreaming about touching it for so long and it's even softer that I imagined it would be."
He leant up over Rodney and looked down at the skin his hands were revealing, his breathing becoming more ragged with every inch of flesh he uncovered. "God you're so perfect," he whispered reverently. "I just … I can't believe I'm finally getting to touch you … I need to …" he ducked his head down and began kissing the skin he was uncovering and god it felt so good.
Rodney closed his eyes and leant his head back on the pillow, "John, is this really happening …?" he gasped, slipping his hand into the back of the man's thick hair and gripping it gently as his own breathing became ragged and desire flooded through his body.
"Yes, it is, it finally is. You're so beautiful, Rodney, I love you so much," John whispered, gliding his hands up along the side of Rodney's stomach and chest as his mouth left a hot trail of kisses over the skin.
Please don't stop.
Rodney was loving this so much, feeling John's hands and lips on his skin was just magical, but he wanted to touch John back and he couldn't with all his clothes still on. He pulled at the fabric of John's jacket whispering, "John, take this off, I want to touch you." He probably sounded desperate, but he didn't care, he was.
John groaned and leant up to take his jacket off, dropping it on the floor and pulling his shirt over his head, all but throwing it away from him.
"God you are so hot!" Rodney exclaimed, his heart pounding as his eyes and his shaking hands roved over John's perfect body. John knelt above Rodney with his eyes closed in bliss as Rodney's hands explored his body; all those incredible muscles that Rodney had been dreaming of touching and they felt even better than he'd imagined.
"I can't believe I'm finally getting to touch you like this, I've been wanting to for so long. Look at you, you're incredible, I want to touch you forever," Rodney gasped.
John opened his eyes and looked down at Rodney with desire and lust. He reached for Rodney's hands and pulled him to sit up, sliding his jacket off and dropping it on the floor with his own before pulling Rodney's shirt up and over his head, discarding it as well.
Rodney tensed, even as John's trembling hands glided down his back. He didn't want to feel self-conscious, but it was so hard not to, Chase's voice echoed through his head, saying all the horrible things he'd heard every day of the year they'd spent together; things he'd never forgotten. He wrapped his arms around John's body and pressed his face into the other man's chest, trying to enjoy the moment and push the dark feelings away.
"Do you want to stop? Is this going too fast for you?" John asked softly, obviously sensing his hesitation.
"No," Rodney replied, looking up at John's beautiful face and warmed by the concern and desire he could clearly see in his eyes. "I'm trying not to feel self-conscious."
vv
Memories of what Chase used to say to Rodney flitted through John's mind again and he understood Rodney's feelings. Rodney wasn't a marine, he didn't have those kinds of muscles, but all his years training in martial arts had earned him a very toned figure and some impressive muscles of his own. He was absolutely divine, everything perfectly in proportion, but John knew he didn't see himself that way anymore than John did. Pushing aside the anger he felt towards that monster, he wrapped his arms around Rodney and kissed his hair. "I know you don't see yourself the way I see you, but, sweetheart you're beautiful, every inch of you," he said softly, stroking Rodney's back. "You have no idea what you do to me, how you make me feel, I have had to fight off the urge to run my lips and hands all over your body since we met in Antarctica and it has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Now we're finally here, after more than a year of wanting you so desperately and thinking it would never happen. I want so badly to be with you, Rodney, please let me. Let me show you how much I love you."
vv
It felt so incredible to hear John say those words to him; they made him feel like he was wanted and loved. He thought back to all the times John had tried to convince him that his skin was lovely, the day he'd made him stand in front of his bathroom mirror and told him his skin reminded John of vanilla ice cream, how beautiful it had felt to have John's hands on his arms. He'd wanted to feel John's hands on his body so badly and he was finally here, with Rodney, wanting to love his body; there was no way Rodney was going to let his self-consciousness ruin what he'd dreamt about for more than a year.
With effort Rodney pushed the dark feelings aside, using the affection and desire he could see in John's beautiful green eyes to stamp them down.
"Is this really happening? Do you really love me? Do you really think I'm beautiful?" He whispered.
John's hands came up to gently cup his face, "Yes, it's all real, I love you more than anything and you are the most beautiful person in the universe," he whispered back.
Pushing back the tears those words produced, Rodney slipped his fingers up into John's hair and pulled him into a heated kiss, moaning in pleasure and lust as John kissed him back.
John kissed him as if he was the only thing the Colonel could ever possibly want and it was so beautiful.
He coaxed Rodney to lie back down and pulled back from his lips, kissing his eyes, then his cheek bones, then his jaw and down his neck.
While John's lips explored his neck and found every place that drove Rodney wild, his hands stroked Rodney's face and the sensitive skin under his ribs and over his hip. Rodney gasped and writhed in pleasure, his body feeling like it was floating in bliss and melting back into the bed all at the same time. It was absolutely incredible; no one had ever made him feel anything like this and Rodney never wanted it to stop.
"God, Rodney … so beautiful," the Colonel groaned, making Rodney tremble with delight. Damn he sounded good saying that.
XXX Sorry guys getting too smutty now XXX
The world was a blurry haze of pleasure for Rodney far longer than he'd expected. When he came back to himself John was kissing and nuzzling at his neck gently. It took him a few moments to realise John was saying something and even longer to make out what it was.
"I love you. I love you," he was whispering it over and over again.
"I love you, more," Rodney replied tiredly.
"There we go, I knew you'd come back to yourself enough to reply sooner or later," John said, leaning up on his elbow to look down at Rodney with a soft smile. He studied Rodney's face for the longest time and Rodney was startled to see tears glittering in his eyes. "That was the most incredible thing I've ever experienced in my life … you are so perfect; I love you more than I could ever tell you." He leant down and kissed Rodney in a way that was so loving and tender Rodney felt tears of his own prickling his eyes.
He pulled John into his arms, holding him as tightly as he could at that moment and nuzzling the side of his face, kissing it gently. "You are perfect, I can't believe that just happened, it was the most amazing thing I've ever felt in my life. I love you so much, caro."
"Caro?" John asked sounding confused.
"Oh, sorry, I revert to using non-English words when I'm really worn out," Rodney explained. "When we were younger the girls and I always had our private conversations in different languages and often those conversations were late at night. Caro means love in Italian; I don't have to call you that if you don't like it."
"No, I like it," John replied with a grin, "It's not what you'll hear around the base every day, it makes it something that's uniquely ours. What can I call you?"
Rodney thought about it, "Do you want an Italian word as well?"
"Well, any language is fine," John replied. "Do you have word that means … everything, or something similar
Rodney thought about it some more, "Well there's vita, it means life -"
"I like vita," John approved with a nod. "You are my life," he said with a warm smile.
Rodney's eyes teared and he blinked them back, "Okay, I like that," he agreed, reaching up to run a tender hand through John's hair. "I love you so much, and you just made me feel incredible. Thank you for loving me, you're all I've ever wanted, caro."
John lent up and kissed him softly, "Thank you for letting me love you, and for loving me back, you're the most beautiful person I've ever known, vita."
They lay together basking in the moment until Rodney decided he needed to get up and shower. John helped him up and they stumbled into the bathroom.
Showering each other was incredibly erotic, John really was obsessed with Rodney's skin and Rodney was just as obsessed with John's.
John got a hold of the shower gel first and foamed it up in his hands before smoothing it over Rodney's skin in a slow, seductive massage. Rodney closed his eyes and relaxed into the sensation, leaning his head against John's shoulder and all but purring in pleasure. When he was finished with his massage John grabbed the shower puff and scrubbed Rodney's skin before letting him rinse.
Rodney snagged the shower gel next and had his turn enjoying the sensation of running soapy hands over John's skin. John closed his eyes in bliss, enjoying the soapy massage as much as Rodney had.
Damn he was so hot.
Rodney ran the shower puff over him and scrubbed him clean, then he cleaned the rest of the shower gel out of the puff and hung it up.
He gasped in surprise when John's arm wrapped around him from behind and pulled him back against John's perfect body.
"Mmmm, your skin is amazing," John purred, his hands sliding up along Rodney's stomach while his mouth moved down to Rodney's neck. "Love it so much."
Rodney closed his eyes and melted back into John's body, sliding one of his hands up into John's hair. "I never want you to stop," he whispered. "But we really should get out and go to bed, you have a training mission tomorrow," Rodney reminded him, not wanting John to be too tired in the morning.
John sighed, sucking gently on Rodney's favourite spot, making him moan in pleasure, before kissing up to his ear and licking the shell. "You're right," he agreed. "But I'll only go to bed if I'm wrapped around your body in that really comfortable bed of yours."
"Oh, so that's the real reason you bought me a big bed; it wasn't for me, it was for you," Rodney joked and he was surprised to feel John tense behind him.
"No … I … I didn't mean-"
"John, I was joking," Rodney assured him, turning around in his arms and kissing him gently. "Of course I want you in bed with me, did you honestly think I wouldn't? I was the one who put the old beds together than stuck them right next to each other hoping you wouldn't want to move yours, remember, I want you as close as I can get you." He kissed John again. "And I know there were no ulterior motives for buying me that bed, but I honestly wouldn't have cared if there were. I'd never think badly of you, John."
John smiled at him warmly, pulling him into another long, deep kiss and gliding his hands all over Rodney's wet, naked skin. "I just have one question; how do you expect me to get any sleep with your sexy self lying beside me?" me asked.
"Mmm, not sure," Rodney replied breathlessly, gasping as John's hands skimmed over his lower back then squeezed his ass. "I guess we'll just have to find out."
He kissed John again, sliding his hands over John's neck and down his back, enjoying the feeling of his lover's skin under his fingers. His breath caught as John's arms tightened around him, pulling his body up against John's solid form and rubbing their erections -which didn't seem at all concerned that they'd just had sex- along each other.
"How are we supposed to stop?" John asked. "After wanting you for so long, I Just want to keep touching you."
"Don't know," Rodney replied, pulling John into another passionate kiss. "God you're so good at that."
It took every ounce of self-control Rodney possessed to pull away from John, who looked thoroughly disappointed until Rodney took his hands and kissed them. "Training mission," Rodney reminded him and John nodded with a sigh.
They climbed out and Rodney found John a towel since his was still in the other bathroom. He took great pleasure in wrapping it around John's gorgeous body, gently stroking the fluffy fabric over the back of his neck while John shivered in delight. When he was dry Rodney sent John into his cupboard to get dressed while he went out to find some clothes for himself. Once he was dressed he went back to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
He returned to the bedroom when he was done and found John coming out of his bathroom at the same time. The smile John gave him made his knees weak and he was quickly swept up into the man's arms. "Sorry, but I don't think we'll be spending much time in this room without as much of me wrapped around you as possible," the Colonel said softly.
"Oh please, did you really think I'd want it any other way?" Rodney asked and John smiled, pulling him into a heated kiss.
"Mmm, just want to kiss you forever," John purred as his hands moved down Rodney's back and slid up under his t-shirt, making him gasp. "You have such beautiful skin, I don't understand why you don't like it, I've been obsessing over it since the first moment I saw you and it feels so good."
He kissed Rodney's neck and Rodney couldn't help but melt into it, his hands gripping John's hair.
John groaned, "I love it when you do that too."
"John … have to … oh, god … I don't want you to stop, but … you need to …" he cried out as John's mouth closed over his favourite spot, sucking on the skin, and his mind became an erratic mess. John had been right before, how were they supposed to stop when they'd wanted each other for so long? Rodney felt so good right now, he never wanted John to stop.
"Rodney." John's words came out as a seductive purr against his ear that made Rodney's chest flutter. "I love you."
"I … I love you too," Rodney stuttered as John's lips returned to his neck, his mind and body feeling like a puddle of pleasure filled goo.
John started moving them and the next thing Rodney knew he was being lowered onto his bed and John was lying over him. Rodney was panting and breathless, his mind completely blank of anything except the pleasant euphoria he was feeling. John was kissing him then and Rodney kissed him back, feeling far too good. He was completely under John's power and he should be scared of that, but he wasn't, because he knew John would never hurt him.
John pulled back and looked down at Rodney with an expression of desire and unending love. "Do you know what you mean to me?" he asked softly and Rodney breathed deeply, trying to pull his mind back in to some semblance of order so he could answer. "You're everything, Rodney, you're the only person I've ever loved and I love you so much. I want you to understand that, because I want you desperately, and I can't see that ever stopping, but I never want you to think that I only want you physically. I want all of you, always and you need to know that."
Rodney reached up to run his hands gently through John's hair, gazing up into his beautiful eyes. "I know," he assured the other man softly, his brain finally working enough to let him speak. "I can see it in your eyes now that you're not hiding it from me."
John smiled softly down at him and Rodney returned it. "But just so you know, you wanting me as much as I want you is … pretty damn amazing, and I don't want you to stop."
"Oh, don't worry about that, you're not getting any less perfect so that's not going to change," John assured him, gazing down at Rodney with lust-filled eyes.
Rodney couldn't believe John was looking at him like that, it didn't seem like it could possibly be real, but he felt so damn good right now that even if this turned out to be nothing but a really good dream, he couldn't find it in himself to care.
"You are the most wonderful person that's ever lived," he told the Colonel who leant down to kiss him gently.
"No, that's you," John replied and Rodney pulled him down into another kiss.
Rodney could tell it was as hard for John to keep the kiss soft and loving rather than hot and deep as it was for him. They both knew that they needed to sleep though, so they kissed each other gently, easing their bodies back from hot and aroused to calm and relaxed.
When John finally moved from above him to settle on the mattress, he held his arms out to Rodney who crawled into them, making a happy sound as they closed around him. He closed his eyes, feeling more content than he could ever remember feeling in his life, smiling softly as John kissed his hair.
"Good night, John, I love you," he said whispered, marvelling as how amazing it felt to be able to say that out loud now.
"Good night, love of my life, I love you too," John replied and Rodney's smile widened as he drifted off to sleep.
XX
And there we go. John and Rodney are FINALLY together and this is only the beginning of their relationship, more is coming, as well as a lot more naughtiness, on Ao3 at least, stay tuned.
Please comment and let me know what you think, I need as much feedback as I can get and let me know if you're interested in reading the whole, uncensored fid.
See you soon,
Kayla