I don't know why this keeps happening on here but the formatting keeps going silly! I'll try it again. If you like come over and read the story on Archive of our own, this doesn't happen on there at all. It's got the same name and I'm on there as BlackDawnRose if you want to look me up.
The Morning After
Waking up the next morning was an entirely different experience for Rodney. He'd slept incredibly well, so well that he woke up completely confused about what was going on. He was so comfortable and deliciously warm and the pillow he was lying on smelled an awful lot like John. He realised then that his arm was wrapped around something and he ran his hand along it, feeling a t-shirt pulled tightly over some very impressive muscles. He heard a contented sigh come from beside him and only then realised that he could feel breathing rustling his hair and arms wrapped around him holding him close to his very muscular pillow.
He cracked an eye open and looked up at his pillow to see John Sheppard, still very much asleep, lying in bed with him. That's when it all came back to him, the bed, the song, conversation on the balcony, and then … oh god, the touching, the kissing, the sex! He was hard almost immediately just thinking about it. He pushed that aside right now in favour of taking a moment to just stare at John's insanely handsome face while he was asleep. He was so damn beautiful it was almost unbearable … and now he was Rodney's.
He settled back in John's arms, taking a moment to process that thought.
How long had he been lusting after John? Wanting him? Loving him? It felt like forever and now, at last, he had him.
Damn that was a crazy thought.
He wanted to laugh and cry and dance and sing and scream in happiness at the top of his lungs, but instead he snuggled down into John's beautifully muscular chest and lay there just enjoying them moment; he'd never been so incredibly happy in his life.
He thought over all of the things they'd spoken about the night before, how John said he had no idea how to be romantic and yet came out with all of those beautiful words to tell Rodney what he wanted from their relationship. How hearing them made Rodney feel. John didn't just want a casual relationship or a quick fuck from Rodney, he wanted a life with him. No one had ever wanted Rodney that way and he'd never thought anyone would; especially not someone as perfect as John.
He ran his hand gently over John's chest and stomach, feeling all of the beautiful muscles flow under his hands. John really was spectacularly beautiful; it should be a crime to be so breathtaking. John made a happy sound in his sleep and Rodney smiled; he was adorably cute as well as breathtakingly beautiful.
Not wanting to wake him up Rodney stilled his hand, but John made a quiet noise of protest. "Don't stop that was nice; keep touching me," he mumbled sleepily.
Grinning Rodney started touching John again, gliding his hands gently over the fabric of the shirt for a little while before slipping his hand down and back up underneath the fabric. God John felt amazing and Rodney's smile grew as John moaned in pleasure at the sensation.
"Mmm … love feeling your hands on my skin," John mumbled and Rodney's mind flew back to how incredible it had felt when John's hands and lips had been dancing over his skin the night before. He allowed himself a moment to get lost in that memory and his cock twitched in his pants; that really had been the most mind-blowing sex he'd ever had in his life.
Pushing John's shirt up moved down and began kissing the man's beautiful stomach, the way John had done to him the night before, enjoying the way the Colonel sighed and moaned in pleasure. One of John's hands came up to gently stroke Rodney's hair and it was so tender and loving Rodney had to stop for a moment to enjoy it. He moved the shirt up as far as he could get it, kissing and stroking all the skin he uncovered before moving back downwards.
He reached the top of John's pants and slipped his fingers gently inside the waistband. With almost agonising slowness he slid them down John's hips and thighs, smiling when John's cock sprang free, fully hard and ready for some attention.
He ignored it for now, getting the boxers the rest of the way off John's legs and running his hands over them, loving that even those were perfect. He kissed and licked his way up the inside of John's thighs, watching John moan and writhe under his attention; damn it was so erotic.
Rodney kissed his way up to John's balls, slipping his tongue up to lick and tease them, loving the way John groaned as he did. He lavished them with attention then switched to moving them around in his hands gently while his focus moved to John's cock.
He had been going to kiss his way up it before he took it in his mouth, but he decided it would be more exciting for John if he just attacked it head on. He took a moment to admire it, before dropping down and taking as much of it in his mouth as he could.
John cried out in pleasure, his hands grabbing the sheets underneath him and fisting them tightly. "Oh god! Fuck! Oh God, Rodney!"
Rodney loved hearing John cry out to him like that; he'd done it a couple of times the night before but Rodney had been so lost in his own cloud of euphoric pleasure that he hadn't really had a chance to enjoy it. He used every trick he'd ever learned to get John off and was pleased by how quickly he got him to cum. He hadn't wanted to rush too much, he wanted John to enjoy it after all, but he was also mindful of the fact that John had a mission to get to and they needed to be up and eating soon.
John came hard, trembling and crying out Rodney's name so deliciously it made Rodney's cock twitch.
While he was basking in the afterglow of his orgasm Rodney kissed his way up to John's face, leaning over him and watching him come back to himself. "Good morning, caro," he purred, kissing all over John's incredibly handsome face. "You are so damn beautiful."
John opened his eyes to look up at Rodney, still panting slightly. "Fuck I love you," he said in reply, pulling Rodney down to kiss him deeply. Rodney moaned into the kiss, loving the way John's mouth and tongue moved against his.
It wasn't long before Rodney found himself on his back and their roles were completely reversed. John kissed and nipped his way down Rodney's body to his cock, purring all the way about how much he loved Rodney's skin. He didn't tease Rodney the way Rodney had teased him, which was probably a good thing considering Rodney was already hard enough to burst.
He rid Rodney of his pants as quickly as he could and looked up at Rodney with eyes full of unbridled lust. "When you cum, I want to hear you call out my name and I want to feel your hands in my hair. Pull on it all you want, I like it," John commanded and closed his mouth around Rodney's cock.
John was incredible at this and Rodney was already so turned on from watching John cum that morning; it didn't take any time at all for him to explode in John's mouth and it was no struggle to do as John has ordered.
"Oh, John! Oh, god! Oh John! John!"
His hands tightened in John's hair as he came in a bright flash of ecstasy. He didn't want to hurt his lover, but John had told him to and it was really hard not to when you were cumming so hard.
Rodney had just come back to himself enough to process the outside world again when John got back to his mouth and he tangled his tongue lazily with John's as he basked in the afterglow of an amazing orgasm.
"I hope I didn't hurt you," Rodney said, looking up at his lover's handsome face. "Damn, you just get more beautiful the more I look at you."
John chuckled and kissed him again. "No, you didn't hurt me, I loved it, it was a massive turn on," he purred, his lust-filled eyes only confirming his words. He sighed and shook his head, "You have no idea what you do to me, do you, Dr McKay? You could quite literally do anything to me and I'd only love you more."
He growled possessively and leant down to bite the spot where Rodney's neck met his shoulder, his favourite spot, just enough to send a thrill of delight though Rodney's body, making him groan in pleasure. "You are so fucking hot, I already want you again," John growled, moving up to kiss him passionately.
Rodney moaned as desire coursed through every nerve in his body. He kissed John back, his hands roaming all over John's still cloth covered chest and back, sliding down to the bottom of his shirt them back up under the fabric, pushing is up as he went.
John pulled back for a moment, practically ripping the fabric from his body and throwing it away before pushing Rodney's shirt up and helping him pull it over his head.
"God you're so hot," John breathed, coming down to kiss Rodney again, his hands roaming over Rodney's now bare skin.
Rodney reached down and grabbed John's ass, pulling the colonel's once more rock hard cock down into his, making John groan in need and grind his hips down into Rodney's.
"Oh, god!" Rodney moaned, panting in desire, feeling near delirious with need.
He whimpered in pleasure as John's lips kissed back down his neck and his teeth found Rodney's favourite spot again. Rodney cried out desperately, writhing beneath John and fisting a hand in the back of his thick hair as he bit down just a little bit harder than he had last time.
It didn't matter to Rodney that he'd only cum a few minutes ago, or that he was probably going to be a little sore from the night before, he wanted John just as badly as John wanted him.
"Oh god! Fuck me, John!" he begged desperately and John grabbed the lube off the headboard where he'd left it the night before without having to take his attention away from Rodney's neck. Rodney spread his legs to give him easier access and moaned as John's fingers breached him.
He was desperate for John and he could feel that John was just as desperate for him, because he was thorough but quick with his preparation. Rodney was breathless and panting with desire as John pushed inside him, so high and euphoric that he didn't feel any of the discomfort he'd expected being taken again so soon after the last time.
John didn't take as much time getting himself in as he has last night, he couldn't, neither of them could stand waiting any longer than they had to. He moved out and back in, pushing deeper and deeper inside Rodney with each thrust.
"Oh Rodney … You feel so good … I love you … So perfect."
Rodney didn't know if John was even aware f what he was saying and that was okay because Rodney had no room in his mind to recognise his own words any better. He cried out in pleasure with each thrust, his hands tightening in John's hair as the man bit down on his shoulder again. "Oh, John! Oh yes! Yes! Like that! Don't stop! Oh, John!"
Rodney's body was alive with ecstasy and he had never felt so unbelievably good. By the time John's hand wrapped around his cock he was already so close that he came undone in just a few strokes, crying out in pleasure as John bit down into his shoulder and fell into the abyss of ecstasy with him.
They trembled and gasped through their climaxes together, savouring the moment they were sharing as long as they could and damn was it beautiful.
Nothing in Rodney's life had ever felt like this and he surrendered to it completely, letting himself sink completely into the pleasure, knowing John would never hurt him.
When Rodney came down from his high, he opened his eyes to see John looking down at him with an expression that was so open, vulnerable and full of love it made his breath catch. The Colonel pressed his face against Rodney's and just gazed at him, like there was nothing in the world right now except him.
It was such a beautiful, perfect moment, Rodney knew he'd never be able to describe it to anyone if he tried.
"Rodney?" John whispered.
"John?"
"Marry me?"
XX
If anyone asked, Rodney would barely be able to tell them what he did after he and John got out of bed that day. When Carson and Janet had finally been cleared to let him out, Elizabeth had given him the next day off to relax out of isolation and catch up on anything he'd missed before he returned to work, so he had nowhere pressing to be. He had the department heads email him everything they thought he might need to know and he read through all their reports, but otherwise he did very little other than lie in his brand new, enormous bed, walk around the room, sit out on the balcony, listen to music and occasionally eat something when he could keep his focus long enough to walk down to the mess hall and get food.
He was in an absolute daze, nothing felt real.
His mind spent the entire day thinking about everything that had happened between he and John the night before and that morning. Half of him was thrilled and excited, the other half was nervous and worried.
He was thrilled that John loved him, absolutely ecstatic that they were together and his cock hardened every time he thought about the sex … oh my god! John was everything he could ever want, even just hugging the pillow the other man had slept on and smelling John's scent on it was enough to make him feel giddy. He should just be thrilled and excited, particularly after John had proposed to him that morning, but of course he was Rodney and that meant he had to over think everything.
John had said he'd never really had a relationship with anyone before, what if he hadn't really wanted to ask Rodney to marry him? What if he'd just been swept away by the moment they were sharing and got carried away? Maybe he didn't mean it at all.
It didn't matter how many good things Rodney thought about that day, the doubts were always there to jump up and ruin his mood. He knew nothing would change that until he'd had a chance to talk to John about it, and of course John was off world with O'Neill and a bunch of marines on a training exercise. He hated that he couldn't just be happy about finally having what he'd wanted for so long, he was just so used to disappointment that he expected it now.
When the afternoon came around he was reading through his emails, surprised to see a wedding invitation from his favourite professor back at Uni, when he was called by one of the science teams to come and help them with something in one of the jumpers. He pulled himself together, had the fastest shower on record, and headed down to see what the problem was.
Of course being Rodney he managed to have the issue sorted in a matter of minutes, but he stuck around with the other scientists for a while afterwards to help them test the system and make sure there were no more glitches. When they were done he sent them all off for the afternoon and went through a full diagnostic of all the systems on the jumper, wanting it to be working at peak efficiency before another team had to take it out.
He was so focused on what he was doing that he didn't hear anyone walk into the jumper bay and it wasn't until his company spoke that he realised he wasn't alone.
"Hey."
He whirled around surprised to see John standing just inside the jumper, smiling softly at him, but looking more than a little nervous. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you," he said, moving further into the jumper.
"You never disturb me, remember," Rodney reminded him with a soft smile, hoping his own nerves weren't too obvious. "I have two more pathways to check and I'll be done, okay, just don't go anywhere," he beseeched, turning back to finish the diagnostic as quickly as he could.
He heard John walk further into the jumper behind him and sit down on one of the bench seats in the back. He didn't say a word, but Rodney could feel the man's gaze on him the entire time he worked. He got through both pathways as quickly as he could, and as he was coiling the cable back around the tablet he felt John slip in behind him. He took the tablet from Rodney's hands and placed it gently down on the seat beside them.
He moved in closer to Rodney then, pressing his body against Rodney's back and gliding his hands down Rodney's chest to gently grasp his hips. His lips ghosted over Rodney's neck as his hands pulled Rodney back to rest against his body and Rodney melted against him, leaning his head back against John's shoulder with a sigh. That sigh quickly turned to a gasp as John's hand slipped up to gently pull his collar aside and his lips closed over that spot Rodney loved.
"So beautiful," John purred, "I love you so much."
Rodney's breath caught; he didn't think he'd ever get used to hearing John say that to him.
Rodney turned his face and nuzzled into John's, his lips nipping John's jaw before John's lips closed over his. Rodney slipped his hand up to thread into the back of John's hair, pulling him closer. "You'll never know how much I love hearing you say that," he whispered against John's lips. "I love you, more."
"That's not possible," John disagreed, pulling him into another kiss, one hand cupping his face while the other slid up under his shirt, making Rodney's heart flutter in his chest. "I love your skin," John purred seductively.
Rodney moaned softly, his fingers gripping John's hair as the Colonel's hand came up to gently tease a nipple.
God, John, don't stop.
"Rodney, are you in here?" Elizabeth's voice brought them crashing back to reality and they moved silently to the front of the jumper, sitting down in the chairs at the console and adjusting their very obvious erections so they stopped being so obvious.
Rodney cleared his throat and replied, "In here, Elizabeth." Turning around to look at John for a moment and quickly brushing down his hair which Rodney had mussed with his hands. Of course it was John's hair and it never really behaved, so his actions didn't make much of a difference.
The grin on John's face told Rodney that he was more than aware of how futile the action was.
"There you are," Elizabeth said as she reached the back door of the jumper. "I thought you were supposed to be relaxing today."
"I was … and then people needed my help," Rodney replied. "It doesn't matter it's finished now, I just stuck around to run one last diagnostic of the systems to make sure they were all working properly before I left."
"You know you could have asked the team assigned to work on this jumper to do that and gone back to your relaxing don't you?" Elizabeth asked. "Honestly, I think you and Sam just like making more work for yourselves sometimes."
"We're control freaks, what are you gonna do?" Rodney asked with a shrug. "I was just going to check the consoles up here then I'll be heading off," he promised.
"And I came down here to make sure he did exactly that," John added.
"All right, well, get it done then head off to dinner, that's an order," Elizabeth said with a grin before making her way back to the rear hatch.
"Oh, Elizabeth, before I forget. In about a month would there be any chance that John and I could gate back to Earth? Just for the weekend and then come back on the Sunday?" Rodney asked.
"What for?" Elizabeth asked curiously.
"A professor of mine from college has invited me to their wedding and I only just got the invitation today. I won't be able to go the reception, it's too late to really RSVP now, but I thought I'd try and make it to the actual wedding if I can. I know that it's short notice so if we can't I completely understand, I just wanted to ask," Rodney finished, looking at Elizabeth hopefully.
"Well, with how little either of you take days off I'm sure we can spare you for a weekend; that's not a problem," she agreed easily.
"Thank you," Rodney replied with a grateful smile and Elizabeth nodded with a small smile of her own before heading out of the jumper.
"Well, that could have been awkward," John said when they heard her leave the jumper bay. "I'm glad she called out and didn't just come looking for you."
"Me too, I didn't even realise she knew I was down here," Rodney replied.
"So, who's getting married?" John asked.
"A professor or mine from college," Rodney replied. "She was really young when she got her degree, much like the girls and I, so she was teaching students a good deal older than her quite often. She's really lovely; she was the reason I decided to pursue mechanical engineering as well as physics."
"That's nice," John replied with a smile. "So did you just want me along to keep you company?" he asked curiously.
"No, I wanted you along because I wanted to spend time with you, the actual wedding will be a very small part of our visit .,..and wow how socially inept am I? I didn't even ask if you wanted to come before asking Elizabeth to let you. Sorry, I've … never had to be good at this kind of thing; I'll get better I promise."
John chuckled, "Don't worry about it, you know I'm just as socially inept as you are, maybe more so, I'm certainly not going to hold it against you. And of course I want to come, I finally have you I don't want you disappearing back to Earth for days without me," he replied, smiling at Rodney sweetly.
Rodney smiled back warmly, reaching out to grab John's beautiful face before remembering that they were still in the jumper and had almost been in trouble for making out in there just minutes ago. "Come on, let's sneak off to the mess hall and grab some supplies for dinner then go and hide in our room," he said, pushing himself up out of the chair.
"Don't you have to check the consoles?" John asked.
"No, I did that at the start," Rodney replied and John chuckled.
"Of course you did."
They tried to sneak into the mess hall, but they were quickly spotted and ended up eating dinner with the group. On the plus side having a lot of them there made it less obvious when they snuck off later. As soon as they were back in the room Rodney thought the door locked and turned to John who immediately pulled him into his arms.
"Hello, vita" the Colonel said softly.
"Hello, caro," Rodney replied, melting into the embrace. He loved feeling John's arms around him, it felt so amazing and they fit together like two perfect puzzle pieces.
"Today was far too long without you," John whispered, kissing his hair.
"I agree. No more going off and training marines," Rodney joked and John chuckled.
"Absolutely, never again," he agreed. "Hey, I want to talk to you about something," he said, pulling back just enough to take Rodney's hand and lead him over to the bed. He coaxed Rodney to sit down and pulled his shoes off, then did his own and crawled up to the head of the bed, holding out his arms to Rodney who happily snuggled into them.
"Should I be nervous?" Rodney asked with only a hint of joking in his voice. He was really hoping this wasn't John wanting to tell him that the proposal had been a mistake, but bracing himself for it anyway
"No, you shouldn't be, I am a little," John replied, holding him close. "I was thinking about this morning and there were two things that worried me a little. The first was that I might have hurt you, it was pretty soon after the first time and I know I got a little carried away. I'd hate to have hurt you in any way and I worried all day that I might have. The second was about the proposal."
Rodney held his breath waiting to see what John was going to say about it.
"I was worried that I might have done it wrong. I mean I know most proposals involve big grand gestures, but I didn't really think about that at the time. Honestly I was barely thinking about anything at all except … well you. I was lying there looking at you, thinking that you were so incredibly beautiful and perfect and I wanted you to be mine forever. I was thinking that I had never felt so connected to anyone before or loved anyone so much, and … then you opened your eyes and looked at me with … an expression I don't think I could ever properly describe. It was so loving and trusting and … like you could see into my soul and only loved me more for it."
Goodness this man had a way with words, and he said he didn't know how to be romantic.
"The moment was just … perfect, it just felt right, and honestly I'd wanted to ask you as soon as I played you that song, but of course I didn't because I thought that would be too soon and I'd scare you away. Apparently my mind didn't consider that when I did ask, but as I said it wasn't really working at the time. I worried that I'd asked too soon for you and that I might have put you in a position where you didn't feel comfortable saying no to me. I wanted to be happy all day, but I was so worried about it that I think I was probably more than a little grumpy on the training exercise. I just wanted to get back here and talk to you so I could get it all straightened out and … and now I'm going to stop babbling and let you talk. Please me honest with me, I want to know how you really feel about all of this," John finished, looking terribly apprehensive.
Rodney leant up and kissed John's jaw, relieved beyond measure that he had actually wanted to propose and it hadn't just been an overly passionate slip of the tongue. "First of all, I asked for it this morning, I wanted it as much as you did and no you didn't hurt me; if you had I would have told you, I promise. That being said if we are going to go at it like that in the future, and if I get a say in it we will, and often, I hope you're good with bottoming because it may take me a day or so to recover; and if you're not that's a day we have to go without sex and who wants that?"
John leant down and kissed his hair, "I'm just as happy being a passenger as I am being a pilot in this particular flight. I might never have had a relationship before, but I've seen plenty from the outside and one of the things I never want to have with you is a one-sided relationship with one person always being in control; they're not fair and I think they just breed resentment, which I never want you to feel. Besides, I like watching you be in charge, it's a massive turn on; it's the reason I love coming down to the lab to help you turn your devices on and off, aside from just getting to spend time with you of course," John purred.
"Ah, now I get why you always volunteer, I did wonder about that," Rodney said with a grin. "I'll have to remember to boss you around a bit more the next time we're in there alone."
"Oh, it's not the bossing me around per se, it's … seeing you so confident and in control. I want to see you like that in the bedroom too. You don't have to play it up in the lab to turn me on, trust me, it's better when you just do it subconsciously, it's a reminder of how strong you are as a person and I like that. Deceptively strong people turn me on," John explained. "One of the first things I noticed about you was how much muscle you were hiding under that orange fleece in Antarctica. The first time I touched your arm I felt it and that was a huge turn on."
Rodney nodded, remembering that moment and feeling pretty good about himself. "Okay I'll remember that." he filed the information about him in the lab away for future use and snuggled closer to John before he spoke again; he wanted to be as close to him as possible for the next thing he was going to say.
"As far as proposing goes, I don't think there was anything you could have done to make it better. You were right when you said that moment was perfect, before you asked I was lying there thinking exactly that. I don't think you could have planned a moment of any kind that would have been more beautiful than the one we were sharing, so don't think that you did anything wrong there. As for me feeling like I couldn't say no … John I didn't want to," he admitted. "When you asked me it was a surprise, but not a bad one. I've loved you forever, I was never going to say no to you and as for it being too soon, well, aside from the intimacy we've practically been dating since we met, haven't we? I liked you, you liked me, we've spent more time together than most couples do, and we fell in love; that's pretty much what dating is. Hell, we've been living together pretty successfully since we got here, a lot of couples don't do that before they get married. So, from that perspective we've been dating for more than a year and that's about as long as a lot of couples go before they get engaged."
He leant up to kiss John's neck softly. "Honestly, when you asked I was thrilled, I couldn't think of anything that would make me happier, but just like you I've spent a lot of the day worrying. I thought that perhaps you hadn't really meant it and were just … carried away in the moment. When you came into the jumper this afternoon I could tell you were nervous, and I'm assuming after what you just said that that's why. When you wanted to talk to me just now I was really worried about what you were going to say."
He reached up to gently tilt John's face down to look at him. "I want to marry you, John Sheppard," he said with a warm smile and he saw John's eyes tear slightly.
"I want to marry you too, Rodney McKay; there's nothing I want more," John replied and Rodney felt his own eyes tearing.
"I love you so much," Rodney said, pulling John down into a kiss which the Colonel eagerly returned. Rodney led the kiss this time, slipping his tongue into John's mouth and loving the way John submitted to him; kissing him was so delectable no matter who was leading.
As the kiss deepened Rodney leant up and pushed John gently onto his back, covering John's body with his. Tonight it was his turn to be in control and he was going to make sure John enjoyed every second of it.
It was a long, slow seduction, beginning with Rodney slowly easing the zipper of John's jacket down and sliding the thick fabric off his shoulders. He left the t-shirt on for a short time, enjoying the way the fabric hugged his lover's body, but it wasn't long before he slipped it over John's head and began exploring his neck and chest.
He ran his fingers gently over John's body as his lips and tongue explored his love's face, jaw, and neck, listening to the sounds John made and feeling the way his body writhed underneath him; letting both guide him to where John most liked to be touched.
John's favourite spots for Rodney to kiss were right on the pulse points in his neck, the tips of his adorable, pointy ears, and the little hollow at the base of his throat. Rodney really enjoyed running his tongue over those points and gently kissing and nipping at the skin, John made the most delightful noises and arched his body up into Rodney's which was just heavenly.
John's hands flowed softly over Rodney's hips, up his lower back and ribs then back down his ass. The rhythm was hypnotic and it made Rodney's skin dance so delightfully, but he didn't let it distract him from John.
It turned out John was quite ticklish in some places along his torso and exceptionally sensitive to touch along his hips and thighs, which Rodney really enjoyed working out. He slid John's pants off with deliberate slowness, following their path down John's thighs with his teeth and tongue. It was a slow build up and Rodney didn't always intend it to be this way, but he wanted all the time he could get to worship John's incredibly hot body properly for the first time.
John didn't complain about the pace, he tracked Rodney's path along his body with heavy lidded eyes, slipping them shut when something was particularly pleasing to him but never losing track of where Rodney was and what he was doing. Rodney had to wonder whether it was because he just wanted to look at him or if it was turning John on watching Rodney love his body the way he was. When John was finally naked, Rodney sat back to admire him for a moment. His cock was so ridiculously hard and desperate to be released from its confinement, but he ignored it for a moment to enjoy the view. He looked up at John's gorgeous green eyes and said, "You are divine, although I'm sure you've been told that plenty of times."
"Not quite in those words, but however it's said, it sounds better when you're saying it," John replied, his eyes full of love and desire for Rodney. "I have a request."
"What is it?" Rodney asked.
"Get those clothes off, they're ruining my view," John replied with a cheeky smile.
"Well, when you put it that way," Rodney replied with a grin, climbing off the bed and stripping his clothes off very slowly; pushing aside the self consciousness that wanted him to turn off the lights or rush through the strip so John didn't have time to see all his flaws. John watched him intently, his breathing becoming more and more ragged with each item of clothing Rodney removed. It was incredible to think that he could affect John so strongly, he'd never have imagined the incredible statue of a man that was the Colonel being as attracted to him as he was; and yet he looked at Rodney like he was the most beautiful thing in the world.
As he dropped the last item of clothing John looked ready to leap off the bed and pounce on him. "Come here," he demanded in a rough voice and desire flooded through Rodney's veins. He'd been planning to take John tonight, but right now he really wanted to hand control back to the Colonel and beg him to take him and claim him like he had that morning.
"I have a better idea; come and get me," Rodney replied breathlessly and John's eyes searched his face for a few moments before the Colonel was up and out of the bed, pulling Rodney into his arms and kissing him with abandon.
"Oh god, John," Rodney gasped as the man's hands roved hungrily over his body, his mouth closing over Rodney's favourite spot and biting the skin just the way Rodney liked it. He was amazed by how quickly John had worked out what he liked and exactly how he liked it; it made him feel incredible and so loved.
"You're so beautiful, Rodney," John whispered between kisses. "I can't wait to be inside you."
"God neither can I," Rodney groaned, delighted when John started leading him over to the bed.
He was lowered onto the bed and John's body covered his, the Colonel's strong hands gliding reverently over his skin. "So beautiful, Rodney," he purred and Rodney surrendered himself to the bliss of the moment, letting John worship his body. He may not see what John saw in him, but as long as John loved his body that was all that really mattered; he made Rodney feel so good.
"Are you sure you want this? I don't want to hurt you," John asked softly.
"Yes, I'm sure," Rodney replied, desperate to feel John inside him.
Rodney moaned in delight as a slick finger breached him, surprised not to feel any discomfort at all. He'd been expecting something, after all this morning's love making hadn't been gentle and he'd also been taken the night before; but there was nothing, only the pleasant feeling of John's fingers dancing over his prostate. "God, yes, you're so good, John," he moaned as John slipped in another finger and he felt his lover smile against the skin of his neck.
"I'm glad you think so; I only ever want this to be amazing for you, vita," John whispered.
"It is … you are. You're amazing, John, you make me feel so good," Rodney gasped, moaning when John added a third finger. "Fuck … take me now, John, I can't wait anymore," he begged.
"God, Rodney," John groaned, pulling his fingers out of Rodney and lubing up his cock before lining himself up and slipping inside.
Rodney panted and whimpered as John inched himself gently inside, obviously expecting Rodney to be sore just like Rodney had; but he wasn't, there was no pain, he just felt good. "It's okay, you don't have to be so gentle, I'm okay," Rodney assured him breathlessly and John looked down at him worriedly.
"I don't want to hurt you," he said, the concern obvious in his voice.
Rodney reached up and took John's face gently in his hands. "I know you don't, you have no idea how much I love you for that, but I'm okay, really. I expected to be tender as well, but I'm not, I just feel good. I promise, if anything ever hurts me I will tell you," he said, his eyes looking straight into John's so the other man would know he meant what he was saying. "Trust me."
John studied him closely for several moments before leaning down to kiss him. Rodney kissed him back, drawing him back into the moment. He could still sense John's hesitation, so Rodney pulled him down into his arms and whispered, "Trust me," in his ear.
"I always trust you," John whispered back.
"So trust me now, I'm okay and I want you, please," Rodney asked and John took a shaky breath before kissing Rodney again, this time with more passion. When he started pressing into Rodney with more urgency Rodney moaned in pleasure, wrapping his legs around John's waist and urging him in quicker, enjoying the groan of delight John rewarded him with.
He pushed in slowly, gently, but without the hesitation Rodney had felt earlier and Rodney sank back into the mattress, enjoying the feeling of John filling him. As soon as John was all the way inside Rodney gripped John's hair tightly, wanting him to move and trying to assure him that he was really okay. When John finally pulled out and thrust back inside him Rodney sighed in delight, "Yes, John, please, more."
He felt John shaking above him and he knew John wanted to take him harder and faster, but he was still hesitating, he was still scared. "Trust me, John," Rodney urged, "Please, I want you so much, don't be scared."
John took a shaky breath and began to move, sliding in and out of Rodney so deliciously. He slowly built up speed and began to thrust harder and Rodney gripped his hair tighter as John's lips closed over favourite spot and gently bit the skin. "Oh, John, more, please … god so good!"
John finally worked up to a pace that made Rodney see stars, pulling back so he could look down at Rodney's face and reach down to wrap his hand around Rodney's cock.
Rodney cried out in ecstatic delight, completely boneless under John's ministrations. He felt so good, so incredibly good; nothing in his life had ever felt as good as John did. "Mmmm, John, so good, I love you … love you … god you're perfect."
"I love you, Rodney, you're so beautiful, so amazing, I love you so much," John replied.
"John … god, John. Yes … Yes!" Blinding ecstasy swept through Rodney's body and he trembled beneath John, crying out and whimpering in pure abandon as his body floated on an ecstatic cloud.
As Rodney's body started to calm John began to thrust faster, "God, Rodney, can't … need … fuck, Rodney, I need you, I love you… ah!" He cried out so deliciously as he released himself inside Rodney, dropping his face down onto Rodney's shoulder as he trembled through his climax.
Rodney lifted his boneless feeling arms up to wrap around John, holding him close as his body calmed down. "God you look so hot when you cum," Rodney whispered, feeling John smile against his shoulder.
"Are you okay?" John asked softly and Rodney brought a hand up to stroke his hair gently.
"I'm amazing," Rodney replied.
"Are you sure?" John asked.
"Yes, I'm sure," Rodney confirmed. "I promise I would tell you if I wasn't."
"It's not that I doubt you, Rodney, or that I don't trust you, it's just … you know what, it doesn't matter," he said, shaking his head and kissing Rodney's neck gently.
"No, it does," Rodney disagreed. "Whatever's on your mind, I want to know now so we can address it and it doesn't become a bigger problem. Tell me what you're thinking."
"In a minute," John replied, nuzzling Rodney's neck. "I love you more than anything," he said softly.
"I love you too," Rodney replied, kissing John's crazy hair.
When they were ready, they got up to have a shower. Rodney could tell John was feeling tense about whatever they had to discuss and it was making Rodney edgy as well, so they were efficient about it tonight. When they were done John headed out to find some clothes and brush his teeth while Rodney brushed his teeth then headed into his cupboard to find some clothes for himself.
When he came back out John was changing the sheets and Rodney helped him, used to doing the air force bed making as well since it was how they'd done it at the boarding school and he'd never lost the habit. As they were spreading the comforter back onto the bed Rodney asked John whether he wanted to bring his things into the other bathroom since it was closer to the bed and maybe move his clothes into the other cupboard since there was plenty of room.
John gave him a weak smile in reply, which worried Rodney, and sat down on the bed, holding his arms out to Rodney in invitation to join him. When Rodney moved onto the bed John pulled him into the gap between his legs and wrapped his arms around Rodney, pulling him back against John's body. For a few moments he was silent, then he kissed the back of Rodney's neck softly and said, "I didn't want to bring this up, but … I know about Chase."
Rodney's whole body went rigid as a mild panic started to set in. How did John know? Well, actually the answer to that was probably obvious. "From the cave monster?" he asked.
"Yes," John confirmed, and Rodney couldn't decide whether to be horrified or upset right now.
If John knew about Chase, how much did he know? Had the cave monster showed John everything it had seen? What did John think of him now? No one knew about Chase and the last person Rodney had ever wanted to find out about him was John. God, the man must think he was so pathetic, why did he even want to be with Rodney knowing how weak and desperate he'd been?
His body was shaking and he was starting to hyperventilate before he realised the anxiety attack was coming. By the time he realised it was too late to stop it and his eyes burnt with tears.
Oh, god, not this, not now.
John must already think he was pathetic, how much less would he think of him if he saw him in the middle of one of his anxiety attacks? He had to get out of this room, he had to get away!
"Rodney?" he heard John say his name worriedly and Rodney pulled away from him so violently the Colonel didn't have time to stop him.
He stumbled as quickly as he could out to the balcony, glad the door was still open, ignoring John who was calling to him worriedly.
He stepped outside into the cool night air, dropping down onto the floor and fighting to take deep breaths.
"Rodney, please talk to me, I'm sorry." John was beside him looking terrified, but Rodney couldn't answer him; he couldn't get enough air into his lungs.
He closed his eyes as the tears slid down his face; John was going to think even less of him when he found out what this was.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please tell me what do to," John was starting to sound panicked and Rodney could hear tears in his voice. "Please, vita, I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you, I love you, I love you so much, I need you, please, what do I do?"
Rodney could barely believe that John could actually love him, particularly now, but he was clearly scared and Rodney had to find a way to help both of them.
He reached for John's hands, holding him still while Rodney turned his back towards him, then he pulled John's hands up to rest on his forearms and pulled them as tightly against him as he could, hoping John would get the message; he needed to be grounded but not restricted.
When he pulled his hands away and John kept his where Rodney had placed them it was a relief, but he needed John to hold him tighter. He put his hands back on John's and pulled them tighter against his arms, relieved when this time John seemed to get the idea. He moved in as close behind Rodney as he could, bracing his body, and pressed against his upper arms with just enough force.
Rodney sagged against him in relief, feeling the tension start to ease. He concentrated on breathing, happy when he finally felt like he could get air into his lungs again. It felt like forever, but he could finally take a deep breath again and he knew the attack had passed. It left Rodney feeling wrung out and exhausted … and weak. His breath hitched as the tears ran down his face and he covered his face with his hands, fighting back the sobs.
"Can I hold you now?" John asked, sounding tearful and frightened.
"Why do you even want to?" Rodney sobbed. "You know how pathetic I am, you know everything I never wanted anyone to know about me; why do you want to be anywhere near me?"
"You're not pathetic, I would never think that about you. I love you, Rodney, I love you so much. I know you don't understand this, you think that I am this amazing, incredible person, but I'm really not, I'm a mess of emotional damage and pretty much dead inside to everybody in the universe except you. I'm not a super hero, I'm not perfect, I'm just a really broken man that you've been putting back together for the last twelve months without even realising you're doing it and I need you, Rodney, I need you and I love you; please don't push me away."
The fear and desperation in John's voice made him turn around and finally look at John whose own tears were slipping down his face. He looked back at Rodney with so much distress it broke Rodney's heart and he reached up to wipe the tears away, closing his eyes as John did the same back to him. "I'm sorry I'm so damaged, I'm sorry I'm not stronger and I'm so flawed. I wish I was different, that I was better-"
"You are perfect," John said emphatically, leaning forward to kiss Rodney's forehead. "You are everything. You told me last night that you love me for who I am; well no one has ever loved me. Do you really think I'm going to care that you're a little damaged when I'm basically a shattered mirror lying in pieces at your feet begging you to love me? Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to tell you how much I need you but didn't because I was so terrified that you'd be repulsed by me and I'd lose you completely? It broke my heart to think that I'd only ever have you as a friend, but I would have gladly taken that pain forever if it meant still having you in my life in whatever way I could. You are everything to me, everything, Rodney, and I love you for everything you are just as much as you love me."
He took a shaky breath and continued. "I didn't bring up Chase because I wanted to hurt you or make you feel bad about yourself, I never wanted to mention him at all because I knew he wasn't something you'd want to be reminded of, but … I know he did some horrible things to you and … I don't ever want to hurt you the way he did. I don't want you to … give in to what you think I want because you feel like you have to. I don't want you to let me hurt you because you think you'll lose me if you don't. That's what I was worried about tonight, that you might be hurting but didn't want to tell me. I don't ever want it to be that way with us, I never want to hurt you; even the thought of hurting you makes me feel sick. I only brought up Chase because I wanted you to know why I was worried; I never would have if I'd known it was going to affect you so badly. I'm sorry, vita, I'm so desperately sorry; please forgive me," he pleaded.
Rodney slipped his arms around John and held him tightly, feeling John's arms close around him just as tightly. "It's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong," Rodney assured him. "I never wanted anyone to know about Chase, and you least of all, so the thought of you knowing and what you might think of me because of it frightened me and made me feel … horrible and pathetic. I wasn't expecting the anxiety attack, that's what that was, I haven't had one of those in a long time so it took me by surprise. I didn't mean to scare you and I'm sorry; it wasn't your fault."
"I shouldn't have brought him up," John said contritely.
"I asked you to, I told you to talk to me about whatever was worrying you so we could address it, and I understand now why you were worried; I just wasn't expecting it to be about him and it caught me off guard. I promise not to meltdown on you again in the future, although I'm sure you'll understand if I never want to talk about him again, and I promise I will tell you if I'm hurting or there's something I don't like," he said softly. "You're nothing like him, caro, he never loved me and I knew he didn't; you're completely different and I would never be the same way with you as I was with him."
"I don't want you to promise that you'll never meltdown in front of me, Rodney, if you're struggling that much with something I want you to feel safe to show that around me. I'm your partner, I'm supposed to support you when you need it. I was scared because I didn't understand what was happening, I know now and I know how to help you; I won't freak out so much next time. I don't want you to hide your feelings from me, please promise me you won't," John asked and Rodney hesitated only a moment before nodding.
John was right, this was the relationship they were in now and if Rodney wanted it to be everything it could be he had to let John in properly, even if it scared him.
"I love you," Rodney said softly.
"I love you, too," John replied.
"Let's go back inside to bed," Rodney suggested and John agreed easily, standing up and helping Rodney up after him. They moved inside to the bed and crawled in together, snuggling into each other tightly.
It took a long time for Rodney to fall asleep, thoughts of Chase intruding into his mind and making him feel horrid. Somehow John must have known, because his hands were always there; soothing through Rodney's hair and down his back, reminding him that he was with John now and Chase was nothing but a bad memory.