I lied. This one turned out to be 5000 words, not 10000. But the original was 3000 so—wait, I guess I didn't lie, actually. This was a small revision compared to the last one like I sarcastically predicted. Hooray for being right and wrong, I guess?
Ratchet was sitting in a drab, empty room by himself. Well, it wasn't completely empty, as there was a giant inactive terminal on the wall next to him that had a screen and keyboard, along with a small compartment next to it. He spent the first few minutes in here gazing at it, trying to figure out what it does, but he came up empty. So instead, he was resting his head on a hand propped onto the table he was cuffed to, idly playing with the chain that constrained him to it.
He looked back at his reflection in the one-way mirror that stood across from him, seeing the boredom plastered onto his face for himself. He took a moment to turn his head up, down, and left to right to inspect himself and brush down any stray fur, before he just hung his head with a sigh.
"Is someone going to come in here and talk to me, or what?" He asks the mirror irritably. "I've been sitting here for like, a half hour now!"
The door to the room opens, and a female Lombax with brown fur and black stripes walks in, wearing a distinguished uniform with a badge along with a stern and serious face. In her ear, Ratchet could see what looked to be some kind of communicator, specially fit for large Lombax ears.
"Twenty minutes, actually." She says bluntly as she walks across the room and over to the terminal on the wall. "And you'll have to wait for another minute while I calibrate the MemoReader." She says as she starts typing onto the keyboard, prompting the screen to turn on and display what might as well be gibberish to him.
"Is that what it's called?" Ratchet asks. "Erm, what does it do?" He asks, trying to mask the unease in his voice.
She looks to him from the terminal, confused, and glances between him and it. "A MemoReader?"
"That's not some kind of torture device or anything, is it?"
"Wha—No!" She exclaims with shocked confusion. "What are we, Cragmites? It just records your memories so we can see if you're lying or not!"
"Woah, that's possible?" He asks with awe.
She stares at him for a moment, double checking to see if he was serious, but then just shakes her head and returns to typing away.
Although it was unlikely he's never heard of MemoReaders before, she had to realize that they are still on the newer side of tech. In fact, only the City Guard and the Council had access to them, which everyone knew, but it wasn't completely out of the realm of possibility for someone living under a rock to not know about them. And living under a rock this kid has, if no one's been able to identify him yet, which was just one of the many reasons he was the biggest pain in her ass right now.
To think that he came out of nowhere, humiliated her guards on live holovision, and turned up carrying a Dimensionator of all things along with enough weapons to annihilate a small army made her furious. The City Guard already had a less-than-stellar reputation with how inept and inexperienced her men typically were, but this set a new low. And now, she was going to have to pick up the pieces and overhaul the entire department to make sure that no one will give them the runaround again. And that was on top of all the PR she was going to have to do alongside all of that. too, and she hated talking with the press, they knew just how to push someone's buttons to make them lose it.
But before she could start orchestrating that mess, she first had to deal with this kid.
After a few settings, the compartment next to the terminal opens, and she removes a small headband-looking device from it, before handing it to Ratchet.
"Put it on. It won't hurt, if that's what you're worried about."
Ratchet inspects it in her hands for a moment before reluctantly taking it, feeling how lightweight it was, and placing it onto his head. He feels a strange tingle near his temples for a moment before it stops just as quickly as it came. He looks over to the terminal but doesn't see any memories or anything on the screen, just the word 'RECORDING' plastered across it.
"And there we go." Wells says as she walks away from the terminal and sits down in the chair in front of Ratchet. "First things first, what is your name?"
"Er, Ratchet." He says, taking his attention away from the terminal.
She raises an eyebrow. "…Like the tool?"
He nods. "Yep."
She stares at him incredulously for a moment and shakes her head with a sigh. She could already tell this was going to be painful.
"I am Chief Wells, and I'll be overseeing your interrogation today. And believe me, I've got a lot of questions for you, Ratchet." She says sourly as she looks at him with a glare.
"So do I." Ratchet replies as he leans back and crosses his arms. "Like where's Clank, for example? You guys said he'd be here with me, but I haven't seen him since you threw me into that transport ship."
"Your robot is fine." She states bitterly. "We're downloading its memory banks as we speak to corroborate your story, and I suggest you leave the questions to me, because you are in a lot of trouble."
She then holds up her clipboard and starts reading from it. "Missing identification, intrusion into the city, property damage, failing to comply with a City Guard, reckless endangerment, unlawful use of hoverboots, a slew of traffic violations, unlawful use of grindboots, and dozens of counts of trespassing."
"Wait, trespassing?" Ratchet tilts his head at that last part, seemingly unfazed by the rest of the list.
She glances to him from the clipboard. "All those rooftops you ran across are private property, you know." She replies. "Same goes for the refinery pipelines, and you're lucky you didn't break them when you jumped from that roof like a moron."
"Hey, if was prepared to do that, am I really a moron?" Ratchet asks.
"Yes, because only an idiot falls from a roof so many times that he has to prepare for it." Wells fires back at him. "And I'm not even halfway through my list here. That was all before we apprehended you and found all the unregistered and illegal weapons in your arsenal, which is very concerning in and of itself for someone as young as you, but not as much as a particular device you were in possession of."
He rolls his eyes. "Let me guess, the Dimensionator?"
"So, you are confirming that it was a Dimensionator, and it was yours?" Wells clarifies.
"Yes!" Ratchet exclaims, throwing his hands up, with one awkwardly held back midway from the cuff. "How many damn times am I supposed to tell you people?! I even showed it to that one guy at the gate, but he didn't believe me, no matter what I said!"
"Wait, he saw that you had it?" Wells asks in disbelief. "And he just let you go?"
"Yeah!" Ratchet states, crossing his arms once more. "He just said 'run off with your toys, kid, and learn what an actual Dimensionator looks like next time!'" He repeats in a mockingly gruff impression of the guard. "Asshole."
Wells groans and starts to rub her eyes. She knew Pyle was an idiot, and gate duty was supposed to be his last chance with how stupidly easy and boring it was, but he just let some kid walk away with one of the most restricted and dangerous weapons in the galaxy! And he didn't even think to report it?
She decided that the moment this interview was over, she was going to his desk, shoving everything into a box, and throwing it into his face with a note saying he's fired taped to it. And he could say goodbye to that measly pension he was no doubt planning to coast on, too. He would have plenty of time to think on what he did when he has to flip burgers for a living.
"I'm guessing that guy was supposed to let me in when I showed him the Dimensionator?" Ratchet asks, still leaning back casually.
She removes her hand from her eyes, and angrily glares at him. "No, he should've locked you up!" She corrects him.
His eyes widen, and he sits up straight as plants his hands on the table in surprise. "What? Why?!"
"Because the Council deemed the possession of a Dimensionator a crime of the highest offense twenty years ago, with the punishment being either life in prison, banishment, or execution." She says as she counts them on her fingers, making sure to finish that last one slowly. "And I'm here to recommend which one of those three the judge should sentence you in your trial. So, unless you have a damn good reason for everything you pulled today, I suggest you shut up and answer my questions. Got it?"
"Uh…" He raises a finger. "I that this is all just one big misunderstanding."
She raises an eyebrow. "Are you about to say that wasn't you causing chaos in the city while making complete asses out of my men? Because if that's the case, I might as well sign your death warrant right now."
"Erm, no, that was me, and I really don't think it's my fault your guys can't shoot the broad side of a..." He trails off as he sees the deadly glare Wells is giving him. He clears his throat. "I mean, I promise I have the perfect explanation for all of this."
Wells takes a moment to close her eyes, mentally preparing herself to listen to yet another inevitably ridiculous alibi that all suspects gave. And she couldn't fathom what this kid was had to say that would explain why he'd have a Dimensionator, of all things.
She opens her eyes and looks back up to Ratchet, who sits patiently with his hands clasped in front of him.
"Let's hear it, then." She says calmly.
"I'm not from this dimension." He answers casually.
She stares at him blankly.
"…Excuse me?" She asks.
"I'm serious! It's why I have no ID number or anything like that, and why I have the Dimensionator, because I found it in the last dimension. I used it so that I could travel to this one and finally meet the rest of my species, since I'm the last one back there. In fact, you're only the third Lombax I've sat down and talked with in my entire life!" He explains. "So, I mean, at the very least, that means I get diplomatic immunity or something from this whole 'execution' thing, right?"
Wells rubs her eyes and takes a deep breath, before removing her hand and staring daggers at him.
"Start telling the truth, or things will end very badly for you." She says with a deadly tone.
Ratchet's face falls. "Why don't you believe me?!"
"Because why would I believe a bullshit story like that?!" Wells retorts, starting to lose her cool. "Everybody knows the only Lombax left behind was that traitor, and you sure as hell don't have white fur, so how could you have come from there?!"
"Check my memories, then?!" Ratchet retorts, pointing to the headband on his head. "That's what this thing is for, isn't it?"
"It can't read and display memories at the same time, you idiot!" She corrects him. "I can only review them after we're done with this interrogation, but it's going to be useless if you only spit out ridiculous lies, so start telling the truth!"
Ratchet's mouth drops in disbelief as he can't believe what he's hearing. Didn't Tachyon say his father stayed behind to protect the Dimensionator? Wouldn't everyone know about that? Plus, there was Angela, too, didn't she have family here? Wouldn't they object to that statement?
But then his eyes widen as he realizes what she meant by 'traitor'. "Wait, did you mean Alister? Alister Azimuth?" He asks hopefully.
"Who the hell else would I be talking about?" She replies impatiently. "Yes, I'm talking about that bastard!"
Ratchet tries to ignore her insults as he hurriedly digs into his pocket, grateful they didn't confiscate everything. "I-I met him! Here, see?!" Ratchet says as he produces his pocket watch and opens it to reveal the photo inside. "This is his watch! This is a picture with him and my dad, see?" He says excitedly as he points to it. "This proves I'm from the last dimension if I met him, right?!"
"That could be anyone's watch!" She argues, barely taking a moment to look at it. "And it's not hard to find a picture of him when he's in every goddamn history book made in the last twenty years!"
Ratchet's face drops, as does his hand holding the watch as it thunks against the table in defeat. "But I did meet him! He taught me so much about the Lombaxes, he was practically an uncle to me!"
"How could you say that about him?" She asks in a mixture of confusion and anger. "He's the reason we all had to leave our original home and why so many people lost their families, and you're saying you look up to him? I for one, hope that he rots in hell!"
Ratchet scowls at her and glances at the watch in his hand for a moment, his memories of Alister flooding back in as they usually did when he looked at it. Honestly, he was getting pissed. Partly because pf how Wells was disrespecting Alister, even though he knew it was warranted from her perspective, not seeing the lengths he went to correct his mistake. But mostly, he was just pissed at how unreasonable this woman was. Why is it so hard to believe he's from the other dimension?
He puts the watch back into his pocket and returns his attention back to Wells. "I… can't go so far as to say I completely look up to him, but I can say that I do respect him." He states. "He may have made a horrible mistake, but deep down, he was a good man that did all he could to serve his people."
"I can't believe you sympathize with that bastard!" Wells fumes. "You wanna go ahead and compliment Tachyon's efficiency when it came to massacring our people while you're at it? Oh wait, I guess you were in the same dimension with him, so I'm sure you told him yourself, huh?!"
"No, I didn't, actually." Ratchet responds coolly, crossing his arms as he leans back once more. "I killed him instead. Well, at least, I think he died. Either way, I gave him the beating of his life before I watched him fall into a black void, screaming."
Wells freezes as Ratchet gives her small smirk. She closes her eyes and starts breathing slowly as she clenches her fists resting on the table. The only thing stopping her from reaching over the table and strangling him is the fact that she'd have to explain that to the Council on top of everything else that happened already.
"Is there anything else you want me to know?" She says through gritted teeth, still closing her eyes to keep from looking at his stupid, smug face.
"Yeah, in case it wasn't obvious from all my guns, the moves I pulled in my chase, and the fact I beat Tachyon, I'm a famous hero that saved three galaxies and time itself by the time I was 19." He responds nonchalantly. "Oh, I did also star in a popular holovision series, too, but I can't say it was my cup of tea. Annoying to deal with fangirls, you know?"
She opens her eyes and glares into his soul, leaving him completely unfazed, however, as he rests his hand on his chin.
"Eh, I'd give that look a six out of ten." Ratchet says as he waves his hand from his chin. "I've seen Thugs-4-Less goons give me dirtier glares for meddling in their contracts."
"You son of a—"
Wells is interrupted by a ringing coming the communicator placed in her ear, and she growls in frustration before placing her finger onto a button. "WHAT?!" She yells into the earpiece, even startling Ratchet.
"Uh… a Councilman is here to see you, Chief." A slightly frightened voice responds to her from the other end.
She pinches her nose. Just what she needed right now. "For the love of—Now is not the time, Jacks! I'm too busy dealing with this pain in the ass kid we brought in, so tell him to come back later!"
Ratchet furrows his brow. "Hey, I'm not—"
"Shut your mouth, I'm not talking to you." She interjects forcefully while pointing at him.
"Erm, that's the thing. He's actually here for the kid."
She turns her head away, as if Jacks was right next to her. "What? Why?!"
"He says he knows who the kid is and wants to deal with him personally. He won't really say any more than that, though. Council business, apparently."
She glances over to Ratchet, who looks mildly confused as to what she's talking about, but then sighs. "Fine. Have him meet me in front of room 313 here. I need all the help I can get, anyway."
"Is he really that bad?" He asks.
"I'm this close to committing a felony, Jacks." She says gravely.
She hears him chuckle lightly, making her almost yell back at him. "Alright, I'll send him your way, then. Over and out."
She removes her finger from her earpiece and looks back to Ratchet, who is looking at her expectantly.
"It seems you have a special guest coming to see you." She says sourly as she stands up, picking up her clipboard.
"Is that a good thing?" Ratchet asks with mild concern.
"You'd better hope so, kid." She replies as she opens the door.
"I said I'm not—" The door then slams shut as Wells leaves the room, leaving him alone once more. "…a kid." He sighs. "Why do I even try?"
Outside, Wells leans against the wall next to the door and rubs her face, groaning. Not even halfway through her shift, and this day was already turning out to be a shitshow.
First, a mystery kid humiliates her men, and by extension, herself. Then, he spouts off nonsense that he's from the other dimension, was buddies with Azimuth, beat Tachyon, and whatever else he could say just to piss her off. And to top all that off, she was going to have to deal with a Councilman who somehow knows all about this and will also probably give her a reaming for her men's atrocious performance in the field today.
She could've just coasted by as a captain and leave problems like this to someone else, but no, she had to be an overachiever and accept a promotion to Chief of the City Guard. And what an honor it was, being the face of an administration and the one to blame for all its successes and failures. It was just great.
But as she starts rethinking her life choices that led to this career, she hears hurried footsteps coming from her right, along with some cries of 'watch out!' She looks down the hall, and sees the Councilman running, screeching around the corner as he narrowly dodges a guard guiding a suspect to another room. She stands in a dazed confusion as she sees this distinguished individual almost sprinting to see some punk kid. He runs right up to her, snapping her out of her daze, and she recognizes him as the Councilman that was also once the Keeper of the Dimensionator, which suddenly makes his presence make a lot of sense, considering the nature of this case. But not enough to warrant him exerting himself like this.
Regardless, she gives him a salute as he doubles over, gasping for breath. "Damn, I'm getting old." He mutters.
"Chief Wells, at your service Councilman—"
"Just Kaden is fine." He cuts her off, standing up straight with a more regular breath.
"Erm, alright, then." She replies, lowering her hand. He seemed to look irritated at being called Councilman, which confused her until she remembered hearing that he wasn't exactly thrilled to be on the Council, for reasons that were apparently classified by the Center. Not that she really cared, anyways, since Council business not concerning law enforcement was above her paygrade.
"Is this where the kid from this morning's chase was brought in?" He asks urgently, pointing to the door next to them.
She nods. "Yes, sir. I was actually in the middle of interrogating—"
"I need to see him! Immediately!" He interrupts with an intense look in his eyes, startling her.
"Sir, with all due respect, it seems inadvisable to have a member of the Council interact directly with a suspect—"
"I don't care!" He yells at her. "Open this goddamn door right now or I'll make sure you're fired over this morning's events!"
She stands stiffly as her eyes widen. "Y-Yes, sir!" She replies hastily as she turns and starts to unlock the door via the keypad next to it, while Kaden stands impatiently next to her, crossing his arms and tapping his foot.
The keypad lights up green and Wells opens the door, and as they both enter the room. Kaden freezes as he looks onto Ratchet, whereas Wells plants her face into her hands as she sees him holding the MemoReader headband in his hands, inspecting it from all over. She throws her arms over to him.
"Taking the MemoReader off before I end the session resets it, you idiot! Now I can't even look at your memories without starting over again!"
"How is that my fault?!" Ratchet argues as he sets it down onto the table. "I've never even heard of MemoReaders five minutes ago! If anything, it's your fault for not telling me to take it off before you left." He says as he crosses his arms.
"Don't you dare get smart with me, you little shit." She seethes while pointing to him.
Kaden reaches over from his daze and lowers her arm, making her snap to him with a confused and slightly worried look that he was going to reprimand her.
"I can take it from here, Chief Wells." Kaden says calmly, still staring at Ratchet, who begins to squint at him with an odd look. "You can leave now."
"Erm, sir, I don't think it's wise to leave you alone with a suspect." She replies uneasily, wondering how his mood shifted from a furious intensity to a weird calm so quickly.
"This is Council business now." He responds, finally looking back at her. "We will be discussing classified information, so I insist you give us some privacy. And don't worry, you will not suffer any punishment from this morning's events. I know you'll do what you have to in order to prevent it from happening again."
Wells breathes an internal sigh of relief and gives him a curt nod with a salute. "Of course, sir. Just know that there are plenty of officers right outside should you need any protection from this delinquent." She finishes, shooting a look over to Ratchet.
"I don't think that'll be necessary, Chief. You're dismissed." Kaden states coolly, prompting Wells to give one more salute before turning around and exiting the room, leaving him and Ratchet alone together as the door closes.
Kaden slowly turns to him, and his breath catches in his throat once more as he looks onto his face, highlighted by those emerald eyes he remembered so vividly. Standing here right now, in the same room with him, Kaden didn't doubt that this was his son sitting in front of him. But he had to make absolutely sure before he could get his hopes up.
"Who are you?" Ratchet asks, still inspecting him with a curious look. "You seem weirdly familiar, for some reason."
Kaden shakes his head, snapping out of his thoughts as he takes a seat in front of him. "I'm just here to ask you a simple question." He answers calmly, trying to keep his voice steady. "That's all."
Ratchet groans. "Great, now for someone else to yell at me that I'm lying when I'm not."
"No, don't think that!" Kaden quickly reassures him. "I just, need you to say yes or no, then I'm gone. Sound good?"
Ratchet sighs but gives a nod. "Shoot." He says tiredly.
Kaden takes a breath. He prayed to all things holy that he would say yes. "Are you from the last dimension? The one where we all fled from?" He asks in a clear and slow manner.
"Yes." Ratchet says, half-expecting him to blow up like Wells did, but is surprised to see no such thing. In fact, this guy looked happy to hear it, with a giant grin showing on his face. "Wait, do you actually believe me?" He asks in surprise.
Kaden swallows as nods his head, his heart racing faster. "And you grew up on Veldin, in the Solana Galaxy, right? In Ms. Perigee's Home for Lost Children? An orphanage on the Kyzil Plateau?"
Ratchet's mouth drops. "How… how the hell do you know that?!"
This was happening.
This was really happening! His son is right here in front of him, safe, alive, in the same dimension, just across from the table from him! After 20 long, excruciating years, Kieran was finally home!
"Uh… are you okay?" Ratchet asks uneasily, seeing the tears spill out of his eyes.
Kaden suddenly stands up and runs around the table, nearly tackling Ratchet to the ground as he hugs him tightly, exclaiming unintelligible words amid his cries.
"I can't believe you're finally here, Kieran!" Kaden sobs into his shoulder, finally sounding coherent. "You're finally in my arms again!"
"What are you talking about?!" Ratchet exclaims, dazed and confused at what was happening right now. "Who's Kieran? Why are you hugging me? Why are you crying? Why do you know where I live? Just who the hell are you?!"
Kaden picks his head up off his shoulder, tears streaming down his face, and grins happily as he looks onto Ratchet's bewildered and slightly scared face, still hanging onto his shoulders. "My name is Kaden," He sniffs. "And this might be hard to believe, but I'm your father!"
Ratchet freezes, and suddenly he knows why he looked so familiar. The resemblance between him and the picture in Alister's watch wasn't exact, as it seems age has made his golden fur a little less vibrant, and a small amount of extra fur has grown on his chin, but it looked like the same man regardless.
But how was that possible?! His dad was dead! This was had to be some kind of interrogation tactic or something, it had to be! He couldn't be standing right here in front of him!
"That… that can't be true!" Ratchet manages to say in his shock. "My dad died! He stayed behind to protect the Dimensionator, and Tachyon killed him! I know he did!"
"He almost did." Kaden corrects him. "It's a long story, but I lived, and ended up here, away from you for twenty long years. But I never forgot you."
He then reaches into his pocket and pulls out the photo of their family that he made sure to bring with him when he left his office. He unfolds it carefully, and shows it to Ratchet, making his eyes go wide.
"This is me, and you, and your mother. I was too late to save her, but not for you. I put you on that doorstep so that you would be safe from Tachyon, like she wanted. And, unfortunately, I was never able to come back for you." He takes one of his hands and rests his hand over Ratchet's own before giving a firm grasp. "But despite that, every single day, I have stared at this picture and promised that someway, somehow, I would change that, and make sure that I would see you again." He smiles. "I can't say I would've guessed that you'd be the one to fulfill that promise, but I'm not complaining by a long shot. All that matters is that you're finally here!"
Ratchet stares at the photo held in front of him. It was… surreal, to say the least. He recognized the baby in the photo as himself well enough, having been shown far too many from Ms. Perigee in his younger days. He was being held by his father, who looked exactly like he did in Alister's photo, but instead of wearing an expression of fierce determination, it was of a soft, blissful look, complimenting the gingerly way he held onto the infant in his arms.
And then there was the woman, a Lombax with lighter gold fur standing next to him, looking at the camera with a wide grin as she rested her hand on his shoulder. There was a small tuft of fur She had striking blue eyes, and despite being only a picture, he could feel the maternal warmth that laid within them. For the first time, he was looking at his mother. It was… incredible, to finally get an answer for who his family was.
But there was something else about this photo that made him take a pause. This photo was obviously aged. There were tears at the edges, a worn crease in the center of it, and the colors were beginning to fade. This clearly wasn't something that he could've just brought in on the fly to fool Ratchet into thinking he was his father. This was something that he has kept for the last twenty years. And the only person who would bother to do that would be his father.
His living, breathing father. The one that kneeled right in front of him right now, looking expectantly towards him, waiting anxiously for a response.
Ratchet tears his eyes away from the photo, and looks into his eyes, the same ones that he's only ever seen in a tiny picture.
"Is… Is this really happening?" Ratchet manages to say as he feels the sting of tears beginning to burn his throat.
Kaden was distantly amused that his son had the same exact reaction as he did, but it was greatly overpowered by the intense wave of joy and relief he felt at him finally understanding what he was saying was true.
Kaden smiles happily and nods. "It is." He assures him. "And I still can't believe it, either."
Ratchet doesn't say anything for a moment, nor does he do anything either. But before Kaden has a chance to ask if he's alright, Ratchet suddenly lunges forward and embraces him into a tight hug, catching Kaden off guard.
"I never thought I'd actually get to meet you!" Ratchet speaks into his shoulder as starts to shed tears, Kaden feeling the warm drops soak into his clothing. "I-I've imagined something like this happening before, but… but…"
Kaden smiles, recovering from the initial surprise, and returns the embrace as he too begins to cry. "I know." He whispers, clutching onto him tightly, not daring to let go. "Welcome home, Kieran. I missed you."
I'll be honest, it was a bit of a struggle to write this one. It's hard to contrive all these convenient omissions of Ratchet's story to either Wells or Kaden in a believable, natural way without it sounding too forced. Because, as it turned out (in my first draft at least), if everybody just accepted Ratchet's insane history, leaving nothing out, and acted accordingly, there would be no conflict, and no conflict means no (interesting) plot. Plus, there's some specific details from his past that I don't want Kaden knowing quite yet for reasons to be shown.
And, on top of all that, I tried to make Ratchet and Kaden's reunion have the emotional weight it deserves instead of being like:
"I'm your dad!"
"Oh my God, really?!"
"Yeah!"
*Both cry*
It's been twenty goddamn years since they've seen each other, and one thought the other was dead for fuck's sake. You can't just 'yada yada' that kind of reunion, it's basically the money shot of a fic like this!
So, hopefully it delivered. If not, I might just revisit it at some point in the future and clean it up if I get some actual skills in writing long-lost loved ones.
With any luck, the next chapter will glide on more smoothly without me having to bash my head against a wall for believable conversations.