Chapter 19: Reflections
The building that stood in the center of the protoss encampment on Aiur was rather spartan, Kerrigan noted as she compared it to what she had seen on Shakuras. Of course, the walls were golden and gleaming as was typical for protoss structures, but it lacked the extensive decoration that the ancient race seemed to be fond of.
Unlike the previous time she had come to Aiur, she was now being led to meet with the protoss in the center of their power. She was alone here while her zerg waited far outside the protoss base so as to not startle them. The protoss warriors guarding the base regarded her coldly, but she knew, or rather hoped, that they wouldn't try anything against her without a good reason.
Once she arrived at the meeting room, she entered and saw Fenix, Artanis, Zeratul, and Raynor waiting inside. There was a long table that curved outward in a concave arc and they were seated along it with some separation between each of them. There was a large contrast between the two protoss sitting upright, Raynor seated to the side, and Fenix who was encased in the large shell of a dragoon. As she stepped in, each of them turned to gaze at her.
Artanis was the first to speak. "Kerrigan, what is your reason for coming here?"
"Once again, I am here to inform you all of a threat that will threaten us all," Kerrigan said. "The United Earth Directorate has made its goal clear - the complete subjugation of this sector to their rule. And they won't rest until we are all either dead or enslaved."
"They shall not find us to be easy prey," Fenix said. "These newcomers will find that their ambitions are but a fantasy. Should they strike at us, they will not live to regret it. I fear no battle against the enemy. Do you not have the courage to confront them yourself?"
"I did," Kerrigan said through gritted teeth. "And I lost. The UED deployed a tool that made it difficult to control my minions and after a series of battles they were able to take control of Char. The remaining cerebrates are being enslaved by the UED to serve as a tool for them to use to control the sector. These zerg that I have brought to Aiur are all that are left."
"You mean to tell us that these humans from Earth have taken control over nearly the entire zerg swarm? I find this difficult to believe," Artanis said.
"It's the truth. And soon they will be coming after you as well," Kerrigan said. "They have already shown themselves to be a dangerous enemy."
"Do you have any proof that the UED is gonna be shooting for the protoss?" Raynor asked. "I've heard that folks in the colonies ain't too enthusiastic about the UED coming in here. They might find themselves too tied up to worry about the protoss. Besides, how can you be sure that it is even their goal?"
"You know the history of Earth, Jim," Kerrigan said. "They want to be in control of everything. They didn't want to have different people around; what do you think they will do with aliens? Besides, getting people on board with a war against the protoss could boost their popularity. After all, the protoss don't exactly have a good rep."
"We can't judge Earth based on their past history. They might have changed," Raynor said. "After all, you've been telling us that you've turned a new leaf, why can't they?"
Kerrigan seemed taken aback a bit, not expecting this line of inquiry for which she had no answer for.
"We should judge based on one's current actions rather than past history," Zeratul said. "Otherwise there would be no end of grudges that would have to be settled even among the protoss. As for these strange terrans, we have clashed with them before and I could sense their hostility and disdain for us."
"Still, it is too soon to commit to a war based on speculation," Artanis said. "We must investigate the situation further and send ships to Char to ascertain the truth of the matter. I believe we should decide upon a course of action later. Does anyone else have anything else to add?"
"I have no objections," Zeratul said while Raynor simply nodded.
"I shall defer to the rest of you on matters of diplomacy," Fenix said. "For now I wish to focus on strengthening our position on Aiur and working toward cleansing our home."
"I can help you with your zerg problem here on Aiur," Kerrigan said. "My own brood can settle in the surrounding area and intercept any of the feral zerg hordes that might wander over. This would relieve the pressure on your defenses and allow you to expand further."
"And meanwhile you would continue to grow and expand the number of zerg under your control," Artanis noted. "Still, I cannot deny that there is value in this proposal. However, we will expect you to remove your swarm when asked. Furthermore, it would reflect positively on you if you were to stay here in our base during your time on Aiur."
Kerrigan thought for a few moments as she looked over her options. "Fine. Is there anything else you want?"
"That shall be all for now," Artanis said. "I will have someone lead you to your new quarters here."
After Kerrigan exited the room, two zealots came to escort her to the designated room. Meanwhile, the discussion continued.
"I must say, she is much improved now that she has dropped her haughty attitude," Fenix said with a chuckle.
"It would seem that she must truly be desperate to come to us now." Zeratul seemed to be deep in thought. "The situation is now rather troublesome. The UED's successes were unexpected and changed the balance of power. It is clear that Kerrigan wishes to use us to eliminate her enemies, yet again. But we must ask ourselves whether this is an enemy we should fight."
"If they strike at us, we will meet them in battle," Fenix declared. "We shall bring our full force to bear if they encroach on our land."
"What is worrisome is the possibility that they may control the zerg," Zeratul said. "If Kerrigan is correct in claiming that the UED can command the zerg under their control, then giving them time to strengthen their control will make it more difficult to stop them in the future. But as of right now we still need to gather more information."
"I concur," Artanis said. "Raynor, do you have any thoughts on this matter?"
"I'm fine with whatever y'all choose," Raynor said. "Frankly, I feel like nothing makes sense anymore. Not long ago, things were simple. Mengsk was the bad guy and the zerg wanted to eat everyone. Now we have a group of humans from Earth of all places and we don't know what they want. And also Kerrigan is controlling the zerg and says she wants to be friendly. I really don't know what I should think now."
"We live in tumultuous times, young Raynor," Fenix said. "It seemed like only an instant ago in my long life where I was still whole, where Aiur was a beautiful and safe place. Now, I find that my homeworld is a ruin and I am good friends with the dark templar who had once been considered heretics. There is nothing to do but to, as you would say, roll with the punches."
"You're right," Raynor said. "The universe just keeps throwing curveballs but that's just the way things are, and I guess I like that. I'd reckon my life would be a lot more boring if I never left Shiloh."
"And we would never have had the fortune of meeting such a unique terran such as yourself," Artanis said.
"Right. Back when I was a kid I couldn't have imagined meeting y'all. Just goes to show just how surprising life can be." Raynor stood up and stretched. "Now if that's all, I think I should talk with Kerrigan and get a better idea of what's on her mind. Try to judge how sincere she is about all this."
"Are you sure about this?" Kaloth asked.
"We hardly have many options left," Kerrigan replied. "If there were other ways we could have turned the situation around, I would have taken it. But after losing on Char and being reduced to this pitiful state, even Raynor's ragtag band of misfits could take us on, let alone the UED or the Dominion."
"I dislike this," Kaloth said. "You are practically a hostage. There is nothing stopping them from deciding they would prefer you gone, and there would be nothing that I could do to intervene."
"The protoss cling too strongly to their concepts of honor to be able to contemplate such a move," Kerrigan said. "At worst they would make me leave, and then we would be right back to where we started. But that would be less than ideal."
She leaned back in her seat and gazed out the window. Below, the multitude of protoss were going about their business, be it constructing war machines, building new structures, or training. In the distance she could see the forest where what remained of her zerg were now nested. The contrast between her zerg and the protoss which were now rebuilding and strengthening themselves was stark.
As clouds passing overhead darkened the sky, she could see in the glass window a faint reflection of herself appear, her blazing yellow eyes staring right back at her. It was the face of someone that was neither fully zerg nor fully human. The bony tendrils that formed her hair gave a monstrous appearance to her otherwise almost human looking face. Even after being fully reborn into the swarm, she still clung to a form that was as close to human as could be possible for a zerg, despite the disadvantages and inefficiencies. A thought crossed her mind. Why did she still cling to the past rather than fully embrace what it was to be zerg? She supposed that perhaps some part of her still hoped that there was still a chance, even though she knew that humans would always look at her with horror or disgust.
Yet she also knew that the zerg didn't feel that she was one of their own either. She was not blind to the hostility from Daggoth and the aloofness of other cerebrates, that they still saw her as a terran outsider. They obeyed her only out of fear and now that she had lost they would no doubt be plotting to escape the subjugation of both the UED and herself. In the end, the power and control she had was transitory, meaningless. Only Kaloth, still so blindly devoted despite everything, remained.
Perhaps it was her fate to be eternally estranged, she wondered to herself. To fit in nowhere and be spurned by all. She must rely entirely on herself, to destroy any that would threaten her. Maybe she could succeed and bring all under her power, but everything felt so… empty.
Kerrigan tore her gaze away from the window as she stood up and began pacing around the room. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
"What do you want?" she said brusquely.
"It's me." Raynor's voice passed through the door. "Could I come in? I'd like to talk with you a bit."
Kerrigan tapped the button to open the door and Raynor walked in. The door closed and he turned to look at her, though he didn't sit down.
"Jim…" Kerrigan muttered cautiously. "What is this about?"
Raynor was silent for a few seconds before finally responding. "There were a lot of times when I've had hope, but I'm used to being disappointed now. I really don't know what to think now. I still remember when I first came to Char following your cries for help. I was ready to save you, but when I got there, all I could do was try to stay alive when you and your zerg were hunting me down. I lost a lot of good men there."
"Back then I was still-" Kerrigan's retort was cut off as Raynor raised his hand.
"I've already heard it," Raynor said. "But hell, it's not something I can easily forget. You seemed to be genuinely enjoying yourself as you chased us down. Was that the real you all along? Sure, you let me go the first time, but was that just one of your whims? I just don't know. It was like I discovered a whole new side of you."
"I won't do anything like that again," Kerrigan said to reassure Raynor.
"How could I know you're not putting on an act?" Raynor asked. "Tell me, do you like being a zerg? I want you to answer truthfully."
Kerrigan contemplated the question silently. Her eyes closed briefly as her thoughts came to a rest on the answer she had to accept. "Yes. For once I am no longer someone's tool. I have overthrown my masters and taken control over my destiny. And it is thanks to the power that I now have that I was able to accomplish this. As a weak terran I would have never amounted to anything. Now I have the strength to do what I want, not listen to others."
"And what have you done with your new power?" Raynor asked. "What did you get and what do you want to do?"
"I ruled. The zerg were mine. I commanded the most powerful force in the galaxy. No one could tell me what to do. I had everything." Kerrigan's fist clenched. "And now I've lost it. All because of Mengsk and the Earth Directorate. I will see them destroyed for this. And Mengsk will finally pay for everything he's done."
"Well, shouldn't you be thankful to ol' Arcturus?" Raynor continued speaking even after Kerrigan gave him an angry and disbelieving look. "After all, you were only infested because of what he did, and you see it as the best thing to happen to you."
"He never had any generosity in mind when he left me to die," Kerrigan shouted. "He thought that he was disposing of me. Just because he didn't succeed doesn't mean that he did nothing wrong. And he treated me as a tool all along. Manipulated me to advance his own goals. He did that to you too. Don't tell me you've forgotten this."
"I haven't forgotten," Raynor said calmly. "And I'll make sure he will face justice one day. But when you went on your headlong rush to take out Mengsk, what did you get from it? And did you ever think to consider the damage you did and all the people killed along the way? A lot of people died on Korhal, people who had nothing to do with this!"
"Well I…" Kerrigan's voice trailed off as she tried and failed to think of something to retort with.
"You didn't even think about any of that did you? Just going around without a care in the world," Raynor spat angrily. "Never stopping to think about the people dying around you."
"Well, what do you want me to do?" Kerrigan sighed with resignation.
"Well maybe you can start giving a damn," Raynor said. "If you've really a person inside and not just a monster, then you should see others as people too, not just obstacles in your way. That's just basic decency. Maybe you could use those fancy mind powers to understand what your victims are feeling. Then you can get some perspective. The Confederacy raised you as a tool with no feelings for others, but it looks like you haven't truly broken free of them."
Raynor's harsh words left Kerrigan frozen, unable to respond.
"If you want my help, you're going to have to turn yourself around for real," Raynor added.
"I'll try," Kerrigan said, though this didn't sound very convincing to either of them.
Raynor sighed. "You know, you should really think some more about what you want. You've already said your goals, but what will you do once you get all that? Once you kill Mengsk and have everything you want. What then?"
"I don't know," Kerrigan admitted.
"Well aint that great," Raynor muttered. "Sittin' around with a swarm of monsters with nothing to do. If that isn't a recipe for disaster I don't know what is. Listen, I'd be fine with you controlling the zerg as long as you could make sure they don't attack anyone no more, but I'm not exactly filled with confidence right now."
He stood up. "Well I'll leave you to your thoughts now. And my door will be open if you ever wanna talk, Sarah."
Raynor exited the room, leaving Kerrigan alone to reflect on it all silently.
Happy Christmas everyone