Autumn has rolled in to claim its rightful keep, the lullaby it sounds gently beckoning Summer aside with a slow and gradual lure to slumber. The two seasons coax each other back and forth in a playful manner not unlike tug of war, with some days warmer and some colder, but occasionally finding common ground somewhere in the middle where a jacket can just be an option rather than a requirement. At the barrier of land and lake on a bench overlooking the lapping waters hosts a meeting of two girls, and in this place the trees gain vibrancy and color as if to give one final performance before fading away. A somber and gorgeous sonata that still has time yet to play before the crescendo hails a more frigid coming. A basket is shared between the two girls consisting of all the things one thought the other might enjoy.
Noelle had spent long days and sleepless nights agonizing over what the contents of the basket would be. Considering that it was going to be shared with Susie it needed to be a perfect fit for the occasion, but Noelle had used up so much of her mental stamina just asking Susie to join her on the venture that she hadn't put any thought towards what was going to happen if Susie agreed. And she did, much to Noelle's delight and simultaneous horror. So many choices had gone through the reindeer's head over those grueling sunrises and sunsets, all while getting sparsely peppered with fitful sleep. She'd given Susie chalk before and she seemed to like that, but Noelle didn't want to repeat the same thing she'd already done. She could make her family's famous festive cookies, but it was a few months before the holiday season and she didn't want to seem unordinary. Sandwiches? Too plain. Tea? Too formal. Chocolates? Too… forward. The reality of the situation was that Susie was going to feverishly consume nearly anything provided and Noelle was overthinking things as she often tended to do, but she couldn't seem to help herself. Noelle needed this to be perfect. It had to be special this time. Everything needed to align in Noelle's favor on this outing, because this was finally going to be the time that she...
"Supreme pizza, huh? Sweet choice." Susie breaks the silence between them as they sit across from each other on the bench, her ravenous maw snapping down on the provided food and making quick work of it while Noelle's eyes fixate on the white, pointed ivories that do the job. She feels a tickle run down the length of her spine at the sight of those menacing teeth, triggering some sort of ancient prey response that puts a thrill somewhere deep within her.
"Y-yeah. From ICE-E's." Noelle responds, already mentally punishing herself for the choice of words with a string of harshities. I'm such an idiot. Of course it's from ICE-E's. She thinks to herself without sparing punishment. It says it right there on the box and it's the only pizza place in town. Stupid, stupid Noelle…
Susie takes a slower bite on the next slice, her yellow eyes latched onto the reindeer inquisitively as she takes note of the girl's wincing demeanor. She remains silent for the time being, simply choosing to lower the local snack population in a steady manner.
"A-and soda! Soda too." Noelle perks up. "So… there's, th-there's something to wash it down." She fumbles out a can of 'Doctor PopStaar' from the contents of the wicker container. Noelle knew Susie was a fan of this brand and flavor, at least, considering how often she saw the lizard "borrow" them from out of the school's vending machine when teachers weren't looking. She hastily tries to open it and provide it to Susie, but in her eagerness she pops the tab too quickly and sends an uncontrollable spray in obtuse directions, some of which getting on Susie herself. "OH! Susie! Sorry! Sorry sorry sorry! Here, napkins! I-I've got napkins to-"
"S'fine." Susie responds flatly, dabbing off what little she'd been hit by with a wipe of her hand. She obviously didn't care and it displays clearly upon her stoic features. "These clothes aren't gonna get worse, y'know." The large lizard girl gestures to the entirety of herself, presenting her somewhat ragged and well-worn wardrobe as she gives a half-smile towards Noelle to signal that things are okay.
"There's nothing wrong with your clothes!" Noelle speedily volleys back, reaching out with a napkin to dab up some of the leftover soda off Susie's outfit. "It… it looks good on you! N-not the soda, of course! But the… the clothes. Your clothes." She sits back in her seat with her form as upright as a metal support beam, a flustered look covering her face complete with an awkward, trembling smile. "I-I could never pull off something like that… that rough and rugged look you have. It just… suits you well."
"That's probably the first nice thing anyone's said for my threads before." The larger girl huffs a single-note laugh through her nose as she claims another bite from the overly-stacked slice in her hand. Her eyes, however, aren't focused on anything at the picnic, instead looking out towards the waves softly splashing against the rocky wall that holds the lake back from taking the park.
Noelle sits silently with a barely perceptible fidget, intently staring at the girl across from herself and drinking in her features. That smooth, thick purple skin. Her razor-cut bangs. Her powerful arms and body that could easily overtake her. Again that prickling fear runs over her, sending a command to the fur all over her body to stand upright and at attention. What she wouldn't give to have those arms wrapped around her, squeezing her to the point where she'd feel like she'd snap. Noelle bites the side of her lip, trying to keep that thought from continuing any further than it needed to. Because it often did. Instead Noelle focuses more on Susie, finally taking note of that far-off look in her eye and aura of quiet contemplation.
"I-is everything alright?" The reindeer finally asks.
"Yeah, Noelle. This is real nice." Susie answers back, placing her attention once more upon the smaller girl. "Thanks… y'know. For this. For the food and stuff."
"O-of course!" Noelle brightens up at the acknowledgment. She thinks her tail might be wagging so she tries to keep it from making an audible thud against the aged wood. "So I've been… um. Lately I've been… I was thinking… lately that um…" Her body tightens like a coil, the tense pressure of the atmosphere compressing her into a rigid, statuesque version of herself. Suddenly she was less concerned with her tail making noise and more concerned whether or not her heart could be heard thumping in her chest. This is it. She's finally going to do it. She's finally going to ask. She musters every ounce of courage that she can manage to scrape together and begins after inhaling a self-assuring breath to her puffed chest. "Th-the festival is…"
As Noelle's words become hasty and riddled with nervous excitement, Susie seems to slump down in her seat as though a steadily increasing weight is pushing down on her shoulders, a deject look spreading over her visage as she listens carefully in unseen dread for the question to come.
"...it's… c-coming soon. The festival. And I was wondering i-if… you and… if you and I… could… together… m-maybe…"
"No."
Susie's single-worded answer struck Noelle like a crashing wave heralding a tsunami. "Wh-... N-..." She stumbles over her words like the first time she attempted hurdles. It was as though she had been standing in a house of mirrors, where each and every reflective pane had been suspended by string before all being cut at once. An entire fantasy hanging by threads, showing a false, happy scene of warped reality, all wiped away at once in crashing unison. The deafening sound of a world shattering overcomes her, splitting her head as that single word thrashes around in her skull, bouncing like a firm rubber ball struck by a barbed-wire bat. It circulates again and again and again. No. No. No. No. No.
"Wh-what?" Noelle musters weakly through a quickly drying throat.
"No." Susie responds back just as plainly as before, her eyes lidding and brows furrowing down just a tinge as she grapples with her own swirling thoughts that try to find exit. "I can't." A slow and measured exhalation escapes through her lips. "I'm not gonna go to the festival with you."
Noelle trembles in her seat, wholly unable to calculate what's happening with any discernible degree of success. All she can feel is that something is wrong. This wasn't supposed to happen. This isn't how things are supposed to go. She wants to say exactly that but can't put the words together. She can't formulate the correct thought and string together a matching sentence to make her rebuttal. All she can do is wallow in the thick, uncomfortable silence building between herself and Susie, her ears only catching the sound of the dry, fallen leaves blowing over the swaying blades of grass instead of Susie explaining herself further. Noelle swallows in a desperate attempt to lubricate her throat, shaky hands gripping the table as she finds it in herself to cut the pause between them and search for a reason.
"W...why?" Noelle barely manages to mewl.
Susie's body tenses up. She wishes that saying no would've been enough, that she could've just said that alone and that would be the end of it. But she knows better. She knew questions were going to follow. She knows she'll have to explain.
"Look at the basket."
"...what?" Noelle responds quizzically, sounding as though she's trying her best to choke back her tears.
"Look at it." Susie repeats sternly. "Tell me what's in it."
"I-... Susie it's… what do you mean?" Noelle's trembling voice drops out of her like old fruit shaken out of a tall tree, her eyes rapidly darting over and through the basket trying to find the fault in it. "Did I… did I do something wrong? Is this not what you-... did I screw up? Are these not the t-things you like?"
"No, Noelle. It's all stuff I like."
"Then what-" Noelle is cut off before she even has the chance.
"It's everything I like." Susie repeats again. "What do you like?" The lizard asks as she begins to rifle through the contents of the basket, taking it apart piece by piece as she starts to elaborate. "Do ya eat supreme pizza maxed out on toppings? Do ya drink Doctor PopStaar soda? Do ya like…" Her clawed fingers wrap around something she hadn't noticed. A small, artisanal package of high quality chalk, the kind that certain tenured, long-serving college professors might swear by. "...chalk?" She finishes her sentence, staring soberly at the quaint and minimalistic packaging. She gingerly sets it down beside all the other items in a row on top of the picnic bench, presenting it all to Noelle in a sweeping fashion. "Is this all the kinda stuff you like?"
"What do you… S-Susie, I don't understand?" Noelle's hands cradle into her chest, hunching over herself just barely as her eyes scan over all the things she had so carefully picked. She even got the chalk just in case. She'd spent a good portion of her allowance on that alone just to be sure there was something in there she knew Susie would like even if everything else miraculously failed. It's all perfect.
"It's perfect." Susie states, as if plucking the thought directly out of Noelle's head. "Y'know. For me." The tall lizard looks Noelle in the eyes, staring deeply into the wellpools of her being as she makes her point. "I've seen your lunches at school, dude. You munch salads, drink fancy bottled water, eat fresh fruits and veggies plucked straight from the farmer's market… you get up early and make yourself a lunchbox fulla the things you enjoy. Things you like. And I can't help but see that everything here isn't that. Everything here is stuff I like…" Her finger taps on the package of chalk specifically. "...and it's nothing you like. Do ya get what I'm saying? Do ya see the point I'm making?"
"I-I like pizza. And soda… I like soda, too." Noelle meagerly responds, trying to find footing somewhere in the conversation while her mind spins through Susie's words. Trying to put them together in some kind of way that makes sense to her. Some way that'll make this right. Some way that'll… fix whatever she had done wrong. "T-the festival… You won't… you're not going to go with me because I brought you things you like?" She inquires.
Susie shuts her eyes again. This was why she didn't want to come out here to begin with. She didn't want to get forced into this position… not with her. Not with Noelle.
"That's not the point." Susie claims.
"Then… then w-what is the-"
"Man, the point is you didn't make this picnic like we'd be sharing it together." Susie blurts out. "You put all this together just for me. Which is nice, y'know. I'm not saying that it isn't. It's nice. It's sweet. It's thoughtful. It's all those cushy, flowery words. But it… it really highlights the problem. You didn't bring me lunch, you brought me like… an offering. Like a damn tribute or something. You're not here looking for a partner or a girlfriend or whatever, you're looking for… I don't even know what the hell to call it! But it's not me." Susie's raspy, booming voice spreads through the area as her exasperation proceeds in front of her.
"Susie… what are you talking about? It's not a tribute… it's just… it's just lunch. What are you talking about…?" Noelle's wavering eyes lock onto Susie's burly form, again imagining the girl placed at her side, arm in arm with her, clinging to the fantasy that she'd been keeping afloat in her head for so long now. Trying to keep that foundation in her head before it crumbles away. "But o-of course it's you I'm looking for. That's… that's why I invited you. The festival, we can... I've wanted it to be you for-"
"You don't even know me!" Susie barks back, twisting herself towards the reindeer and leaning over the bench to lock eyes with Noelle's own.
Noelle recoils in her seat, timidly tucking into herself as though she'd been sucker punched in the stomach. Both of the girls attempt to filter out the numerous thoughts buzzing in their minds, but neither of them seem able to put them into words in a way that will have the other understand. Susie moves to the edge of the bench seat, looking away from Noelle and into the nearby tree canopy while she absentmindedly grabs another slice of pizza, eating it in pure silence as she tries to figure out how to say what she needs to say. She was never very good at this sort of thing to begin with.
"...do ya think I'm blind, Noelle?" Susie's bassy voice cuts through the silence again after a hefty, audible swallow that came with finishing her food, wiping her hands free of crumbs just to give them some kind of distracting activity, short though it may be. She side-eyes Noelle briefly, just long enough to gauge her reaction as the reindeer peers through teary eyes quizzically, waiting for Susie to illuminate her thoughts further. "I'm not blind." Susie answers herself. "I see the way you act when I'm around, Noelle. I see how ya tense up. How ya blush. How ya get that cute, ditzy look on your face and how you stammer and stumble over your words when you talk to me. You don't do that for anyone else. I know my grades might tell you otherwise but I'm not that dumb, dude. I've known how you've felt about me since forever… I just pretended I didn't because I never wanted to have this talk with you. I've been avoiding it because I knew it was gonna suck."
"I…" Noelle starts a sentence but closes her lips quickly. She wants to respond but has nothing to respond with, feeling as though her chest had been pried open for her heart to be inspected under a microscope.
"Just… hush up and listen, okay?" Susie asks, her eyes still over towards the trees instead of looking at Noelle directly. She can't make eye contact. Not now.
Noelle nods her head.
"I see all those little things you do, and if those things were all you did then maybe my answer would be different… but there's more. I... see more." Susie's claws run along the bench, scratching thin lines through the small amount of sealant and polish that remains on the depreciating pale wood. "I see you… out of the corner of my eye… when I'm lifting some asshole up off the ground and slamming them into something, the way you grip yourself or bite your lip. When I'm yelling at someone or throwing a punch or tossing someone around and you happen to be there… It's always the same. Every time. You look bothered, but not in the bad way. You look…" Susie tightens her lips, pressing herself to say it. "...you look envious of it. Like you want me to do it to you instead."
Noelle's eyes open wider, the chill of Susie's words annexing her body with a slithering crawl as she attempts to mentally deny what she's saying… but can't. Her gaze hits the ground like a fallen star, a twinkling tear trailing soon behind as though it had been following in its wake. She feels like someone just read her diary back to her, but even then she never wrote anything like that down on the paper. Not even in her own book of self-reflections and discovery were such things scrawled out in the permanence of ink. It was a secret to her secrets.
"I kinda know you, Noelle, even if I don't really ' know you' know you. It's because me and you are the same in a lot of stupid ways." Susie continues after another moment of silence passes them by. "I know about your Dad and how your Mom… well. I know she's…" Susie swallows, again having to push herself to put the words in the air. "...I know she's rough on you. Really, really rough. I've heard it around school and I've seen it in your eyes when she picks you up from school or when she's watching you run at your club. That fear... man, I know it. Pretty well. And I know about Dess and how things got a lot worse after..." She closes her eyes, trying to find the strength to continue her line of reasoning. "What I'm trying to say is you've been through a lot, dude. And you're still going through a lot. And all that shit you're going through is pushing you in a direction I don't think you wanna go with me."
Noelle's downcast eyes remain steady on the ground below, burrowing a hole down to the center of the Earth where she imagines she could properly bury herself away from all this. Her sobs are announced by softly heard hitches choking in her throat whilst a few more tears run down the curvature of her cheeks, only to then fall free and momentarily stain her outfit in watery splotches. Susie's stomach twists at the sound, each snivel ringing in her ears and making her feel like less than herself. Why did it have to be Noelle? She thinks. Why today? Why does it have to be me? Susie's nails groove into the bench with more depth and vigor, trying to free her thoughts through force as though she could tear the answers out of the wood itself if given enough time.
Susie always had to play this role. Ever since she was a kid this was the hand she'd been dealt and forced to use. A life of pretending that she's stronger than she really is. The anger she was branded with at home could never be kept from exploding out of her like white-hot lashes from a whip, so she chose an existence of false bravado and feigned aggression to keep people distant and safe from her own vitriol. She never liked it, but it always worked. You can't hurt people if you keep them away from you. You can't be disappointed in people if you never let them in. So how did this happen? How did Noelle get here? The thoughts swarm through her head like a plague of locusts, picking away and prodding at the parts of herself that she rarely wants to assess. Why is it me of all people?
"Do you think I'm... weak?" Noelle's voice snaps Susie out of it for a change. "Do you… think I'm frail? D-do you think I just… picked you because I'm some… s-some lost little lamb looking for a big bad wolf to keep her safe?" Noelle resolves herself by wiping the moisture out of her eyes, straightening herself back up again and leaning into the bench towards Susie, aiming herself and her voice in the larger girl's direction. "Do you think I'm looking for a p-protector? A knight in shining armor?" Her words still trembled, but now they carried a certain fierceness as well. "Someone to keep me safe from all the b-bad things in my life because I can't handle them myself? You think that's why I invited you here?"
Susie snaps back, her booming voice cracking outward like thunder. "No, I don't think you want a protector! I think you want another fucking abuser! "
The wind dissipates from Noelle's sail immediately and whatever strength she had managed to cultivate in that brief moment vanishes into nothingness. It was like her entire world stopped in an instant, time frozen and locked away in a suffocating stillness. No rustle of the wind. No gentle laps of the lake water. No murmuration or scuttle of any animal or insect. Just complete and utter deafening silence. The reindeer's eyes were wide, focusing intently on Susie's own as those words sank into her shaking core like a pit of tar.
"Wha-" Noelle attempted to respond in absolute bewilderment before getting cut off again.
"An abuser! Okay!?" Susie continues in the same tone she'd accosted Noelle with, the bass-like nature of her voice vibrating the table itself. "There! Alright?! I said it!" Susie's fist was clenching so tightly that she was certain her claws were going to draw her own blood. "You see me hurt people and you fucking get off on the idea of it being you!" She stands up at the table, leaning over it to yell down at the cowering reindeer girl. "And I'm not the only one who's noticed, okay? Other kids at school have told me the same thing. They explain something to you about some fight or whatever that I got in and you look like you're gonna pass out from it! Even me of all people can see there's something fucked up with whatever you're feeling towards me!"
Noelle feels like she's caught in the middle of a massive freeway, spotlighted by the countless headlights of cars all blaring by her faster than she can make them out, each one zipping by and threatening to blow her off balance straight into a collision course of twisted metal and flesh. Her chest feels tight while heart rages against its cage, her clenched throat dry and scratchy as she makes a desperate attempt to rebuke the claim. "N-...No I… I don't..."
She's lying. And Susie can tell.
"Go ahead, dude! Tell me I'm wrong!" Susie interrupts, her pointed gaze still heavy upon Noelle's shrinking form. "Tell me your attraction is healthy. Tell me it's not all twisted up from whatever shit you're dealing with at home. Tell me you haven't put me on some kind of pedestal and that you're not just infatuated with an idea of me instead of who I really am."
Noelle's eyes shut tight and again her tears begin anew, this time streaming down her face like a leaky, broken faucet, lips trembling as she no longer attempts to control her sobs like she'd done before. She lets it all out this time without any measure to stifle it for her present company, curling into herself in an effort to somehow stop a pain she can't rightly find the source of. "Y...you're…" Her cracking voice relinquishes the words. "...you're right…"
Susie can only look upon the scene in disgust. Not at Noelle. But at herself. This was why she didn't want to be here. She didn't want to be the one who had to say any of this, especially not to someone like Noelle. Not to someone who reminded her so much of herself. The taller girl just stared in silence, feeling more and more gnarled inside for bringing Noelle to this broken state. Why did she always hurt people this way? She slumps back down into her seat, releasing her tensed form slowly and taking measured breaths to regain her sense of control.
"Listen…" Susie begins, trying to make sure her voice has a more comforting refinement to it rather than the harsh and cutting edge she often wielded. "Noelle, dude, look at me."
Noelle wafts her eyes upwards with a glacier-like pace, those bright, wavering baubles being filtered through a layer of water spilling down her features. She only just slightly manages to meet Susie's gaze, and much less so is able to keep them steady on her.
"I'm not gonna pretend I understand whatever's going through your head." Susie conveys as sincerely as she's able. "But if you're like me, and I believe you are, then I think you bottled up all those same shitty feelings you got at home like I did… except the only difference is I don't think you ever let yours out." Susie's tongue slides over the back of her teeth as she tries to figure out how to continue. "You told me before that you wished you could do some of the things I do. That you wished you could go off and do something crazy… and that's why I think I know. You never let any of that bottled crap out of you, and instead you… I don't know. You internalized it. Your abuse. Your trauma. You took all that shit into yourself and let those feelings hold you hostage, so now when you look at me and see the things I do… I think it's like Stockholm syndrome or something. You want me to yell at you and control you because that's just what's comfortable for you. Like it's habitual or whatever. You're sucked towards me maybe because…" Susie bites the side of her lip. "...maybe because I remind you of your Mom. Like… the familiarness of her or something."
Noelle's demeanor again becomes puzzled with the incalculable weight of those words being placed on top of her along with everything else she's been forced to deal with so far. Her sobbing doesn't let up, but she seems more astute in the conversation. "I… I don't know. M-maybe..." She meagerly murmurs after a moment of contemplation. What little she can manage in this state, at least. "...maybe... you're right… I-I… I know something's not right. With how I feel about you. With everything that's been going on. I just… with everything that's been happening, everything that's happened … With Dad in the hospital a-and Dess… D-Dess…" Noelle wipes her tears away on her sleeve, leaving behind puffy red eyes that still didn't look like they were close to being finished. "...maybe I... did just feel s-something... familiar about you and...n-never really thought about why ."
Susie weighs out Noelle's words, trying to figure out if the truth in them was really there or not or if she'd just pushed Noelle into admitting something she didn't really believe. She settles on the first, alleviating herself of a slow exhalation that had built up inside of her chest, locking her yellow eyes on the reindeer and sweeping them over her bedraggled form.
"I do like you, y'know." Susie admits, seeing the immediate surprise strike through Noelle's taxed eyes and shooting up through her posture.
"You… do?" Noelle croaks back, again trying to remove some of the tears that pollute her visage.
"Yeah… I do." Susie gives a nod of her head to mark her words, settling into her seat a little more comfortably now that the conversation had steered back to something loosely amiable. "You've always been pretty cool to me when nobody else was. Y'know, helping me out in class. Offering to tutor me. Lending me pencils and junk. But besides that you're just... nice . Like, you're the genuine kind of nice, not the fake nice when someone wants stuff from you. Or the nice-to-your-face type where you're actually just an asshole a minute later behind their back. You're the selfless kind of nice. The kind of nice that doesn't need anything in return because it's, like... just the way you are . The way you wanna be."
"Susie…" Noelle murmurs.
"Truth is... back when you said you wanted to be more like me I thought you were nuts, 'cause the only thing I could think of was that I wanted to be more like you instead." The lizard huffs loudly. "Likeable. Kind. Friendly. Everything I've never been. It's only recently that I started thinking about why I've always acted like a hotheaded jerk. Kris, they've been helping me with that. Trying to help me understand why I feel the need to wreck everything I get my hands on all the damn time." Susie extends her hands out in front of her to take stock of them, flexing her clawed fingers in and out of her palms as she watches over them.
Noelle laughs, but not in a manner that carries much joviality. It was a laugh despite herself. A laugh that lightens her demeanor against the weight of everything else. "I can't believe you wanted… to be more like me."
Susie looks up from her hands and raises the edges of her lips just enough to show her pointed teeth again, laughing just a bit herself in return. "Yeah…"
"So you…" Noelle clears her throat as best as she's able, looking towards the side of the bench as she asks a question she already knows the answer to, but needs to hear it one more time to cement it inside of herself. "...so you aren't going to the festival with me?"
"No." Susie reaffirms in the same way as she'd done before, but this time there wasn't a twist of the knife inside of her when she said it. It was kinder. More resolute and assured. It didn't have the aching dread in it that it carried before. "But maybe… After you figure some things out, and after you like… go to therapy or something? Maybe if you still feel a certain way about me… and you're sure you-"
"Okay." Noelle cuts Susie off for once. Her tears still stain her face and a few still make their way down off her chin to patter against her clothes, but they were starting to ease up at last. "Okay." She states again with a nod. "You're right… I'll go and... see someone. About all this." She takes some of the napkins from the basket, cleaning her face up as best as she's able as she speaks muffled through the thin, damp papers. "...next time we have a picnic I'll bring some things we both like."
"Next time… Yeah, I'd like that." Susie responds quietly, still carrying a somber smile as she lifts herself up from her seat, looking down at Noelle from her heightened vantage point and watching over her. She still feels remorse from the nature of the entire conversation, but she also feels a lot lighter now that it was at least behind them. "You gonna be alright?"
"I will be." Noelle affirms, her voice and mannerisms seeming much more like herself now that she's had a moment to process and come to terms with everything that had been discussed. "I'm not now… but I will be. I just need some time."
The sky above the park was starting to shift into a dull orange, signalling the nearing departure of the sun that would call an end to the long day the two had suffered through. Susie shuffles to the side of the bench, rummaging through the items on the table and placing them back where they belong inside of the basket. Though, among the items, one thing still catches her eye.
"Sun's going down soon." Susie states, running her claws through her own unkempt hair that grazes over her shoulders. "Do you want me to, like, walk you home or something?"
"No." Noelle shakes her head and sniffles to clear her airway so that she can speak without impediment. "I think I'd like to sit here and think things over for a little while if that's okay. I didn't even get to have a single slice of pizza, you know." She carries her smile a little easier and musters a laugh, trying to show that despite how she looks she really will be fine. Not an act, but the truth.
"Alright." Susie responds as she peers over Noelle for a moment longer, making sure the reindeer wasn't fibbing or trying to carry more than she was able. Once satisfied Susie turns herself away from the bench, throwing a wave over her shoulder as she starts to make her move away from the area, her heavy steps crunching the sparse, dry leaves that litter the ground. "Suit yourself." Goodbyes never were her strongest point. "I'll see you tomorrow, 'kay?"
"Sure."
Noelle listens carefully as those lumbering footsteps become distant, waiting for the barren loneliness to kick in once they fully disappear. To her surprise, however, it never did. There was an emptiness to her, yes, but it no longer felt like it was Susie-shaped, more just a void of self that could only be mended by her own hand. With her own love. Her fingers waft over the etchings on the bench that Susie's claws had left behind, running her prints through the grooves as she let her mind wander back over everything Susie had said. She sighs slowly. When did Susie get so… perceptive? She wonders. Susie had been hanging out with Kris, hadn't she? Maybe their quiet, introspective lifestyle was starting to rub off on that big lizard.
When the sadness had faded enough her stomach gave a commanding growl, voicing its frustration that Noelle hadn't given it anything since the light lunch she'd had at school. She lifts the basket's flap and peeks inside to grab some of the pizza she'd been missing out on… even if she really wasn't that big of a fan of supreme pizza. Susie had been right about that. Susie had been right about a lot of things, she realizes. But maybe she could learn to like it. As she rummages through the wicker container, however, she finally notices that something has gone missing. That pristine package of high-grade chalk is nowhere to be found, although Noelle has a hunch she knows exactly where it is. In that moment she starts to laugh. She starts laughing so loud that her voice echoes through the empty area with a genuine, uproarious tickling humor that it rejuvenates her from head to hoof, washing away most all the lingering vexations that still attempt to cling to her.
She may have lost something she thought she wanted, but she gained something much more valuable in exchange. An urge to improve herself. An urge to be a Noelle worth loving, not just by others, but by herself.
For the first time in what's felt like ages, Noelle feels really good.