HELLSING: LAW & ORDER
DianaPrince31
Ch. 18: Robbin' Hood
Disclaimer: Hellsing does not belong to me.
1st Division Headquarters- War Room
Sam, Basil and Uriel sat in the conference room waiting for the meeting to begin. They had been sent by Walter and no matter how many questions they asked he wouldn't tell them the reason for the meeting.
"I bet it was something Sam did," said Basil.
"What did I do? I'm innocent of all charges" said Sam with an unapologetic grin. "I probably shouldn't have yelled 'Sugar Tits' when Baby Cakes was on the phone, though I did enjoy that headlock."
"Until you were unconscious," said Uriel, "you never learn."
"What's the fun in learning?"
Both men sighed, there was no convincing Sam to quit with the lewd nicknames she came up for the commander. Seras walked into the room looking quite nervous and uncomfortable. Uriel said, "I apologize for whatever Sam did."
"Would you stop blaming me for...what was it I did?"
"And how did we get pulled in?" asked Basil.
Seras shook her head, "You guys are not in trouble. We are here because of a case."
Everyone looked towards the doors expecting Integra to walk in until Seras said, "Umm...I'm...I'm going to take the lead on this one."
"You?" said Basil, "I thought…"
"I...Sir Integra said that I had to…"
Integra's office- 45 minutes before the meeting
"Me?" said a shocked Seras.
"Yes, you."
"Are you sure, Sir?"
"Yes."
"But why me?"
"Because I said so."
"I mean, why did you choose me?"
"Because I chose you."
Seras sighed, this was getting nowhere. "I think that...that you should get someone more capable."
"So you're saying that I am incapable of choosing capable people to lead this investigation?"
"No Sir! I didn't mean that!"
"So you're saying that I am incapable of doing my job which is to choose someone capable of leading a team?"
Where was she getting this from? "No, I didn't say that!"
"Then what are you saying, Seras? Are you saying that there are no capable people that are capable of leading a team that I should be capable of choosing capably?"
"What? That makes no sense!"
"I know. I was being facetious."
"Please stop, Sir."
"Stop what? Being facetious? Are you saying that I am incapable of being facetious?"
"Fine, I'll do it!"
"Good, now was that so hard? You'll be working with Sam, Basil and Uriel. Margot will also be helping." Integra handed Seras a tablet with the details of the case. "You'll do just fine, Seras."
"Thanks Sir, I don't think I'm capable of doing any less." She left the office before Integra could ruin the word 'capable' again.
Fast Forward to the War Room
Though the conversation with the commander didn't take that long, Seras had gone to an empty room, closed the door and began pacing. She had no idea what the hell she was supposed to do. What if they ignore her? Or got angry? Or worse, showed no respect? Sure they respected her as a fellow agent, but would they as a team leader? Integra hadn't actually given her a straight answer. This was probably one of those new tasks which she was supposed to learn something or whatever.
You're overthinking it.
No I'm not, I'm just weighing the pros and cons.
You're not choosing cookware, there are no pros and cons. These guys love you, everything will be fine.
You better be right because I will never live that down; a team that fails because I sucked at being a leader will not be good.
Seras had wanted to ask Walter to join her in the meeting; but he seemed to be busy, so now here she was in front of four people; Margot had entered while Seras was trying to explain that she would be leading the team. Seras sighed might as well get this over with. Turning on one of the screens on the wall, the agents could see several images of a woman with an arrow through her head. Not the first thing that Seras wanted to see as the first time being team leader.
"You know that reminds me of a shish kabob" said Sam "when's lunch?"
"Later" replied Seras.
"Ok Sir."
"Don't call me sir."
"How about Captain."
"No."
"Glorious Leader?"
"No!"
"Sam, stop it" scolded Margot. The woman turned to the screens, "the victim was found in front the HSBC bank not too far from the British Museum, on Morwell Street and Bedford Ave,"
"According to the information, there was only one witness, right now he's in the conference room A. Sam, you and Basil will find out what he knows. Uriel and I will go to the crime scene."
"Ooooh a romantic outing to a crime scene" said Sam, "how kinky. Yummy"
"Please Sam" groaned Seras. How did Integra deal with this? "Just go."
"Ok, but don't do anything I wouldn't do. And I would do anything."
"Come on, Sam," Basil said, pulling the woman out of the room.
"Today is going to be a long day."
"Sam's just joking around," said Uriel.
'She should be more serious."
"That's her thing."
"Around Sir Hellsing, yes. But I know how to handle that when it is directed at me."
"Do you want me to talk to her?"
'No, I'll figure out something."
HSBC Bank- Morwell Street
Why people gathered around to see such a morbid scene was something that Seras couldn't fathom. Even after the body was taken away from the scene, people milled about. However on this warm day the body was still laid under a blue tarp. The leader of the Crime Scene Investigation squad walked up to Seras and Uriel, without even greeting them she asked, "Where's Sir Hellsing?"
Seras tried her best not to look like she wanted to punch the other woman in the face.
"She's not here, just me and Agent Poole."
"Are you sure she sent you two?"
"We're standing right here aren't we?" Seras' fists were now clenched, if the women asked one more stupid question, she would be swallowing teeth for her next meal. Uriel stepping in and said, "Sir Hellsing has other matters to deal with at the moment."
"And she's not the only one who works at 1st Division, you know," Seras said through gritted teeth.
The CSI gave Seras an angry look, "Ok ok, you don't have to be such a bitch." The woman led the two agents to the body, 'She was dead for about two hours. Judging from where the arrow is lodged in her, I would say that the trajectory of the arrow came from the higher floors." Uriel and Seras looked up at a building across the street; it was a 10-story structure.
"The killer could have shot the arrow from the roof," said Uriel. However Sever Seras pointed to an open window on the 9th floor, "I think that is a more likely possibility."
But Uriel shook his head, "That could just be a resident who wants fresh air."
"Or to piss out of a window on a certain bitch" sneered the CSI leader.
Seras ground her teeth, "When I turn around, you had better be gone or your teeth will be." The woman didn't need to be told twice.
"You know that wasn't nice or professional" sighed Uriel running his hand through his brown curls. However Seras was not paying attention but was headed across the street.
"I still think that the roof was where the killer shot the arrow."
"My gut tells me that it was from that window" was the stubborn answer. It had to be. Shooting an arrow from the roof would be stupid and there would be more witnesses besides the single one. Once the arrow hit the woman, anyone could look up and see
the person, was Seras' reasoning. That would be the first place that the police and CSI would look. And of course Uriel who spent most of his time as a negotiator would fall for that. But Seras wanted to be right after a morning where everything had gone wrong.
"You shouldn't use your 'gut', it should be sound reasoning. Everyone knows that…"
"You can take some of the CSI team to the roof and check for evidence and I'll go to the 9th floor, how about that?" interrupted Seras. Uriel's eyes widened in disbelief, Seras had never snapped at him before. "Fine Glorious Leader" muttered the man. Uriel hoped that it was his imagination when he heard Seras say, "And while you're at it, jump off."
When Seras reached the room with the open widow's door, it was unlocked. This made her feel better, so she had been right. Drawing her gun, Seras slipped into the apartment, "Hello? 1st Division agent here." No one answered and as she made her way to the living room, she saw the body of an elderly man sprawled on the floor. His chest was covered in stab marks. Uriel joined her, clearly he had found that there was no evidence of anyone being on the roof. After looking around one of the CSIs found a broken arrow underneath one of the chairs. Seras resisted the urge of looking too smug. She thought of making Uriel apologize to her gut for doubting her.
The victim's name was Isaac Bradbury, a retired plastic surgeon, who also had been a professor of medicine.
"So the killer comes up here intending to use this room as his perch, probably breaks in and is surprised by Dr. Bradbury and stabs him, before killing the woman" theorized Uriel.
"This isn't some random killing," said Seras.
"How do you know that?"
"Why would the perp waste his time killing an old man if his target was the woman? He clearly intended on killing Dr. Bradbury as well!"
Did your gut tell you that?"
"As a matter of fact it did! You got a problem, Agent Poole?'
Margot's voice came over the agents' comm system, "I...uh identified the first victim, her name was Bethany Knight. She worked for a tech company called Solstice Security. Knight was one of the board members."
"Did the two victims know each other, Margot?"
"No they didn't. They also did not live in the same building, so that eliminates death by proximity."
"But they must have had something in common, the plastic surgeon could have been a random victim."
"That's what it's looking like, Seras," said Uriel. "Your gut isn't right about everything."
Seras took a calming breath, she knew that there was something that she was missing and Uriel was not being useful at all! As the body of the elderly man was taken away, Seras thought of how Sam and Basil were doing, hopefully their interview with the witness had more information that could connect the puzzle pieces.
Unfortunately there was only bad news. The witness saw when the arrow hit the woman, but was more interested in saving his bagel from nearly falling on the ground due to shock.
"He was as useful as shit in a paper bag" said Sam, "kept talking about his damn bagel."
"He even had the nerve to ask us to buy him another one as a reward for helping the police" grumbled Basil.
Maybe the security cameras caught something" suggested Uriel.
"Of course not," said Seras. "If the killer went through the trouble to shoot from inside an apartment so he wouldn't be seen, why would they be careless to show their faces on security cameras?" Her tone was the 'even a toddler would know that' one and this made Uriel pissed.
"You know what Seras, you've been a bitch all day! I'm sick of it!"
"Oh no he didn't just call her a bitch" said Sam.
"And you've been pathetic all day!"
"You think you know everything about solving cases!"
"Well I know more than you!"
"Keep telling yourself that. You think with your gut instead of your brain!"
Basil, Sam and Margot gasped and Seras turned red in the face, "At least I have a brain! Where did you leave yours? With the last guy to jump off a building?"
"Guys, I think we need to take some time to breathe before we say something we might regret," said Basil.
"Don't stop them" said Sam "Let them vent. It's good for them and me."
"She was being rude to the CSI leader," accused Uriel.
"Tall, brown hair that's frizzy?" asked Sam.
"Yes" answered Seras, "she acted as if Sir Integra made up the whole 1st Division."
"Ugh" said Basil disgustedly, "that's Stephanie Bates. I hate her."
"Me too" said Sam, "I had to talk to her once, so bitchy."
"Exactly!" agreed Seras. For once someone was on her side. "This little turd said that there was nothing wrong with her."
"I don't have to take this crap, Seras. You've been unbearable to be around all day!"
"Can we please get back to the case?" asked Margot. "If you forgot Sir Hellsing is going to want to see what we have so far. This little spat is not helping at all."
"Fine," huffed Uriel.
"Ok the M.E. sent these folders. The marks on Dr. Bradbury's are definitely stab marks, but they don't know what he was killed with. So I've digitally compared the shape of the wounds with the shape of the arrow head and they are a match."
"The arrow must have broken in the struggle or while the old man was being stabbed and then the killer took it with him, but forgot the other half" said Basil.
"Besides the broken arrow, the suspect was extremely careful, there were no traces of DNA, hair or even footprints" said Seras. "We need to find out what Bradbury and Knight had in common, then we would know this guy's MO."
"Right now there's none that I can see," sighed Basil.
For the next several hours the team theorized and argued, well it was more Seras and Uriel doing the arguing. Seras was convinced that the two victims were connected and that the answer was right in front of her, her gut told her so. Uriel however didn't believe that was the way a case should be solved and he told her that a bunch of times. Sam, Basil and Margot made the wise decision not to get in between the two pissed off agents even when they tried to drag them into it.
"Sir Integra doesn't use something as stupid as 'gut feelings' to work a case!"
"How would you know?"
"Please don't drag the poor woman into this, especially when she isn't here" pleaded Margot. The last thing she wanted was a pissed off Integra, there was enough hostile energy. Sam was too busy enjoying the show and had made a bag of popcorn to eat.
"You make a poor leader!" shouted Uriel.
"And you make a pathetic man!" screamed Seras.
"When is this going to get physical?" asked Sam laughing.
"My money is on Seras," said Basil.
"Stop it you two, you are not making the situation better" said Margot.
The two agents were so busy fighting while the others watched that they didn't hear the doors slide open, "QUIET!" Everyone turned to see a seething Walter. "What the bloody hell is going on here? The entire building can hear you!"
"Well Uriel…"
"Zip it! That was a rhetorical question! This is no way to conduct yourselves. You're all adults, you should know better."
"It's not our fault if the two…" Sam didn't get to finish her sentence because of the glare that Walter was giving her.
"You all are to go home and continue in the morning. Straight home. No clubs. No bars. No restaurants. Straight home. Do I make myself clear?"
Everyone nodded and trudged out of the operations room, some of them muttering.
Seras slammed the locker door shut after grabbing her jacket, then she gave it a hard punch for good measure.
"Whoa, what did the locker ever do to you?" asked Dara. Seras grumbled something about the case, so Dara continued, "Long day, huh? Don't worry, it'll get better. You'll feel refreshed after a good night's sleep." Then she left after giving Seras a comforting pat on the arm. However Seras felt the need to let out some pent up anger and headed towards the firing range; at least there she can pretend that the dummies were Uriel. That would be motivation to at least get a couple of head shots. Seras saw the last person she wanted to see using the last weapon she wanted to see; Integra using a compound bow for target practice. The agent prepared for the commander to tear into her like a lioness into a wildebeest; after all she must have heard of the crappy mess of a case. However, if Integra saw Seras enter, she said nothing. Seras gave a mental sigh of relief as she picked up a Beretta 92, loaded it and fired at a target until the magazine was empty.
THAWCK! Seras looked over to see an arrow quivering in the center of the round target.
Seras sighed, "You're good at everything, Sir. I can't even lead a team for a case. They won't listen to anything I say, especially that dummy Uriel!"
THWACK! Another bullseye. The commander didn't say anything so Seras continued, "I'm not cut out for this leader thing. If this was some kind of test, then I failed big time."
A third bullseye.
"I have no clue how you do this whole leading thing especially when everyone is crazy! I wish I could be the perfect leader like you. It's like you know everything about being a leader. There has to be a handbook on this leadership thing."
Seras sighed again as a fourth arrow hit the bullseye. "My so-called team will probably be mad at me tomorrow, if so then this case will never be solved. You really should have chosen someone else, maybe Dara. I think I'm more of a follower. I'm better at taking orders than giving them."
THWACK! An inch off from the bullseye.
"No one's perfect, Seras". Integra left the firing range.
The next morning did not start well for Seras. Her alarm clock had died sometime in the middle of the night so she woke up late. Then Major had hidden her shoes, so she had to search her whole apartment all the while screaming curses that rivaled a pissed off Integra. Seras was able to feed Major right, that yellow devil! When she tried to put salt on a hastily made omelet, the whole bottle spilled and Seras let out another scream of frustration. She grabbed her purse and stomped out to her car. Seras was halfway to work when she realized that she had left her ID and badge at home. The woman made an illegal U-turn and sped back home, past the speed limit. She received a lovely ticket, which meant she had to go to court to pay or dispute. Either way it was going to wreck her driving record. When Seras finally arrived at work, Integra gave her a concerned look at her disheveled and pissed off look. Glancing around Seras growled, "Where is everyone?"
"Presumably at home preparing for work."
"What?"
Looking at her watch, Integra said, "It's 7:30, Seras."
"WHAT?!"
"You have a clock at home, don't you?"
"My alarm...I thought….AAARRRGGGHHH!"
"Seras, it's much too early in the morning to be screaming like a banshee."
Seras stomped off to the War Room muttering to herself, mostly curses and if the day could get any worse.
"I hope she at least had a decent breakfast," Integra said to herself.
Seras found herself sighing a lot recently, at this moment though it was a happy sigh. Walter had bought her a cup of tea along with some croissants and jelly. Maybe the day wouldn't suck as much ass as she had thought. Seras turned on one of the computers, maybe some cutesy game with kittens chasing mice would help brighten her mood-at least until her 'team' arrived. During the game an ad popped up for a company called Robin Hood Movers, their logo was a green bow and arrow. Seras stared at the logo for a few seconds until something clicked in her mind. Everyone knew the story about an outlaw who used a bow and arrow as his main weapon, who stole from the rich and gave to the poor. At least that part anyway. Seras had never read the book, but she did understand the concept. What if that was what the perp was doing? Both victims were rich and successful, but that didn't answer the question why they were killed. In the book Robin Hood knew that the poor were being taxed for everything even for taking a dump. The perp was playing a sick version of Robin Hood, Seras knew it in her gut and she would shove that in Uriel's face.
Later that morning, the rest of the group arrived laughing and joking, all in high spirits. They probably went out drinking without you, a dark voice said inside of Seras' mind.
But they wouldn't do that, would they? Not after Walter said not to.
They are adults, you know that right?
But Walter….
Is an old man. How old is he? 60? What is he going to do? Follow each of them home?
Seras scowled, the nerve of them going out and having a good time without her. To make matters worse was that they were more rested than she was. None of them had the god forsaken morning she did. If any of them had looked over to where she sat, the smile on their faces would disappear. However a more dreadful force of nature caused the laugher to dissipate- Integra. The commander stood at the front of the room, silently giving each agent a steely eye glare. Well there goes the ice caps. They fidgeted in their seats at what seemed to be two life times.
"Walter informed me of the train wreck that is this group. Idiots screaming the whole damn house down late at night" The glare became harder, "some returning early in the morning to finish the job." Seras' face grew red as she covered it with her hands.
"It was all Seras' fault, she…." started Uriel.
"Silence! I do not have time for your childish blame games. Either act as adults or be punished as children!"
"You can spank my bottom, Honey Hips" said Sam with an idiotic grin.
Integra just rolled her eyes, "Shut up and tell me what you have so far."
No one said anything at the moment, they couldn't find a motive and there was no evidence, just a lot of circumstantial thoughts and theories that were changing every minute. Integra wanted to tell them they had squat, but the nerve to scream the whole place down. Instead being the mature young woman that she was, she left without saying a word.
"Well that didn't go well" said Basil nervously.
"If Seras wasn't…" Uriel began.
"I think I have a theory that may work, '' Seras said, cutting off Uriel, who gave her an annoyed look. However when Seras told them what she thought, the rest nodded their heads.
"Now we just have to find out what made this guy snap," said Sam.
"I pulled up a list of stores that sell archery equipment in the last two weeks" Margot, also another list for archery or hunting classes."
"Basil, you and Uriel will go and see if anyone has taken any classes. Sam and I will check out the stores."
"Oooh, I get to hang out with our glorious leader."
"Don't call me that, Sam."
"So you and Uriel are having trouble in paradise? I could show you two some techniques."
"We're not going out!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm going out with Pip."
'That explains why Uriel is being such a bitch" said Basil, "he's jealous!"
"No I'm not!"
"Aww how cute" said Margot, "and unprofessional. Can we please get our job done?"
"You sound like Sweet Cunt."
Margot sighed and Sam rubbed her head when a stapler connected to it.
"It's a good thing Margot doesn't have Sir Integra's arm or your head would have another hole" said Seras as she dragged Sam out of the room.
"Can we stop by the hospital, I think I need stitches."
"No."
While on the drive to the first hunting goods store, Sam kept nagging Seras about the 'deets' of how she and Pip hooked up.
"We didn't 'hook up'. He just asked me out to lunch and then…"
"You two shagged on the table?"
"No! That's disgusting! We just started doing things together like…"
"Shagging on a restaurant table."
"That's not funny. You know what, let's forget that I told you anything. We have work to do."
"Aww that's cute, you're trying to sound like Sir Integra."
"No I'm not! We actually have work to do."
"Speaking of Baby Cakes, I had a dream that she and I were…."
"Let me guess, shagging on a table in a restaurant?"
"Whoa, were you in the dream too? Ok let me give you all the details. It's much better with visuals, but…"
"No! Please Sam! Can we please talk about the case? We are still missing some pieces of the puzzle."
"Boring! Besides we are still in the car, it's ok to talk about other stuff."
"No, it's not!"
"Geez what's got you all riled up?"
"You! You're not taking this seriously! There are lives at stake!"
"Ok. Calm down."
"Don't tell me to calm down! This is really important, Sam!"
"It's just another case, we've done this tons of times."
"It's not 'just another case'. It's the case! This is very important, Sam! This case can make or break my career!"
"I think you're taking this a bit overboard, Seras."
"Sir Integra gave me this case to lead. I don't want her to think I am doing a crappy job."
"You're not doing a crappy job."
"You're just saying that."
"So things got off to a rocky start, but now we're getting somewhere. You'll be fine."
"Thanks, Sam."
"Anytime Seras. And if there's anything else I can do, you know like giving you tips on sex…."
"I said thank you Sam!"
"Just a suggestion."
The first store that Sam and Seras stopped by demanded that they have a search warrant before they could see the list of customers or equipment that were purchased.
"A search warrant? Just give us the list!" shrieked Seras, "people's lives are in danger!" The store clerk stepped back, "Please...that's the store policy."
"Who cares!?"
"Seras, I think we should go. We'll just go and…."
"This douche should want to catch a criminal."
"It's the rules!" exclaimed the clerk. "I can't just give in to your demands just because you barge in here!"
Turning to Sam, Seras said, "How does Sir Hellsing deal with idiots like this?"
"Usually with threats and naturally being intimidating. She is so hot when she…."
"Sam focus, please!"
"We need a warrant, there is nothing we can do, so let's go."
Seras was not about to give up so easily. She needed that list and she was going to get that list. Seras grabbed the store clerk by his shirt and slammed his head on the counter.
"You will print out that list and hand over any video from last week or I'll make sure you learn to piss through your ears, pissant!"
The clerk whimpered and did as he was told and as the two women left, Seras waved cheerily to the poor man. It was pretty much like this for all the stores who had customers who bought an archer set.
"Wow Seras, that was quite the turn on" Sam, "it was almost like watching Sir Integra. So beautiful. I'm horny, so what about a quickie…."
"No Sam."
The video footage proved to be useless, which made Seras upset. "I guess it's not hunting season." However the online purchases for a compound archery equipment were numerous, now all the agents had to do was find a way to start the process of elimination.
"We're going to be here all night," moaned Sam.
"Not all night" said Basil with a large grin on his face as he walked in the War Room.
"We found that only six guys took archery classes in the last month. Must be a dying sport."
"Who needs primitive arrows when we have guns?" asked Sam.
"Every civilization used bows and arrows for hunting or war. It's a versatile weapon" answered Basil as if he was teaching a small child. This got him a rude gesture from his fellow agent.
"I guess then we will check out three of the students each," said Seras.
"Right after you check out the third crime scene" said Marot, "and Seras you have just asked me to hack into their computers and surveillance cameras."
"This way is better," replied Seras.
Royal Thames Yacht Club
When Seras and company arrived at the main building, there stood the last person they wanted to see; Stephanie Bates. She didn't look too happy to see them either. At least the feeling was mutual.
"Well if it isn't Sir Hellsing's children" the CSI leader sneered. "I had a lovely chat with her because you decided to tell on me to her and I'm sure you missed out the part where you threatened me."
"I didn't tell on you" said Seras, "I just reported to my supervisor that…."
"Shut up! I don't want to hear your pathetic attempts to act like Sir Hellsing. It's sounds stupid coming from your mouth!"
"I told you that you were being unprofessional," said Uriel in an I- told- you -so- voice.
"Let's get this over with then. What do you have so far?" asked Seras.
Stephanie called over her shoulder, "Pepper show these….agents what…."
"I asked you what you have so far, not Pepper."
"Look here Melon Tits, I am the leader of this group, got it? You are under me while there is a crime scene, not the other way around. So drop the wannabe Integra act and know your place in line." This was said with a finger jabbing into Seras' shoulder. "Because if you don't, I will go over Sir Hellsing's head and make sure that Her Majesty has you sitting behind a desk for the rest of your miserable career! Now as I was saying, Pepper, show these….agents, what we have so far.
"Sure thing, Stephanie" said Pepper in a chipper voice.
"You know you didn't have to be rude," said Basil. "You're a freelance agency, we're your biggest."
"Big Guy, 'biggest', not 'only'. What? You think I'm some kind of idiot? I know how to run the business. Now Pepper will work with you because I don't work with children. Now if you excuse me kids, I have to give Sir Hellsing a call and try to behave." The brunette walked away leaving the agents stunned.
"Now I really hate her," said Seras.
"Ok guys here's what we got" piped Pepper as if she didn't see what just happened. "We have so far, as far as we could find, twelve victims. All gentlemen in their 40s through 60s."
"It looked like a porcupine can in here and shot all of its quills," said Uriel.
"Porcupines don't 'shoot' their quills. The perp just walked in and started shooting."
"This poor sap didn't get too far before he became a shish kabob," Sam said pointing to one man who was slumped over the back of the couch with an arrow stuck in back.
"We are going through the building right now so see if there are any more victims" pointing to another man on the, "this poor fellow got an arrow to his throat. You can tell he tried to stop the bleeding, see how his hands are clenched" said Pepper in an awed voice.
"Uh huh" said Basil slowly.
"Isn't it amazing that a crime scene can tell a story? This other man tried to hide behind a curtain. He may have succeeded if the curtain wasn't so short."
Pepper led the agents to each body telling them how they died. There was an even man who had been napping, completely unaware. Picking up a plastic bag that had an arrow head on it, "They had to cut off the head to get this out of this guy. It punched right through his abdomen and out of his back." All of the agents had looks of disgust on their faces, but Pepper didn't seem to notice.
"This is a dream job. When I was younger I wanted to solve crimes, but as you can see I don't have the upper body strength. Also what you guys do looks scary. But this is amazing. Sometimes I help out at the M.E.'s office. I have so many stories."
Seras tried not to roll her eyes with little success, she was not in the mood for chipper and happy, which was strange because she was usually the happy and chipper one out of the 1st Division agents. Maybe the case changed her. Maybe the whole job had changed her. Seras decided that she would talk to Walter, he always seemed to have the answer. Now what was Pepper saying?
"One time a body came in, it was so bloated that it popped like a balloon. The stink was everywhere! It was kind of hard to process the body when they are all liquefied. Also this one time…."
"Can we please get to the case?" asked Uriel, who was feeling nauseous.
"I even have pictures. Can I show you? No? Okay so this once again left no fingerprints or DNA."
Sam groaned, "What is this asshat, a ghost?"
"Do not fret, he did leave a footprint or two as he went further inside."
"He was looking for someone. These guys were just collateral damage" said Uriel.
"Or target practice" said Basil.
"How do you know that?"
"Like Seras said, I feel it in my gut, which by the way a perfectly sculpted 6-pack."
Uriel frowned, "That's just ridiculous, you can't….
"First, my six pack is not ridiculous in the least and second the last two victims were rich, so his third victim might be rich as well. Imagine coming to find your target in a place where there are a bunch of rich people. Why all the arrows? Why not just save one for his target. This guy got something against rich people."
Pepper pointed to a bloody footprint on the carpet, clearly a sneaker with the word 'wrecks' on it. The agents then followed Pepper into another room where there was just one young man in his 20s.
"This was the perp's target, his name is Drake L'Fleur" said Pepper looking at the agents as if she was expecting a reaction of recognition, which she didn't get."
"Ummm...you guys don't know him?"
"Nope, never seen him in my life."
"Can't say I heard of him."
"Is he a movie star?"
"Does he have another brother or sister?"
Pepper sighed, "Margot will update you. So Drake got three arrows, one through the leg, one in his chest and one through the….fun bits."
"Wow this guy hated the rich, all right."
"All I know is that processing this body will be so cool. I can't wait to tell Integra this. Besides, she owes me dinner anyway!"
While Pepper was yakking about dinner, the four agents glanced at each other and Uriel said, "Did she just called Sir Integra without the 'sir' part?"
"Yeah, she did," said Sam.
"Maybe we should keep this to ourselves. I don't want to scare her, she's so young and nice" said Basil.
"I guess what Sir Integra doesn't know can't hurt her, right?" asked Seras. The rest nodded. With the information they needed they headed back to HQ. Once there Margot informed them on who Drake L'Fleur was.
"The L'Fleur family is a prominent family in France that deals in the fashion industry, mainly shoes."
"And we're back to the age old tale of the rich getting richer" said Basil in disgust.
"Don't let Sugar Lips hear you say that."
"But it's true."
"Next time we go out to eat, I'm volunteering you to pick up the check" When Basil didn't respond, Sam said, "I thought so. Besides they chose to work until they got rich and you decided, when we first met you, to stay a broke ass police officer, what are you angry about?"
"Ouch," whispered Margot.
"They made their choice, you made your life choice, albeit kinda pathetic."
"Ok, ok, let's put away the verbal knives" said Margot.
"Can we continue please?" said Seras impatiently. She didn't like sounding so bitter and cold but they needed to this seriously. This was just one case! How the hell did Integra do this for multiple cases, everyday? At the moment she was working a case with the other agents. Seras was beginning to wish that someone else was in charge, she just couldn't handle the pressure anymore. She shook her head, she had to pay attention. The team was now discussing what the word 'wrecks' were doing on the soles of the sneakers and the possibility of it being custom shoes.
"Probably what he thought of the sneakers?" suggested Uriel.
Seras decided to go a different route if the perp was getting sloppy. "Did he show his face on the cameras?"
"No, but he is on the cameras" answered Margot who had already hacked into the RTYC's security cameras. The man could be seen releasing arrow after arrow into the people as they tried to flee.
"Hold on," said Basil, "this guy is left-handed."
"Meaning?" asked Uriel.
"You need to go to detective school" sighed Seras and Uriel gave her a nasty scowl.
Basil continued, "Only two people that took the recent classes were left handed, one was a 40-years old woman and the other was a 26 years old man."
Margot pulled up the application of the latter on the large screen, "His name is Benjamin Sutton.
"Ok, so why does he hate rich folk?" asked Sam.
"Strange, Benjamin never met these people until the day of the murders. Nothing shows that he knew any of them and I can't find anything that they may have in common." said Margot.
"There is a possibility that he is doing this for someone else."
"Like assassination?"
"No Basil, I found that he had a brother who was an aspiring investigative journalist, who ended up being too good at his job.
"He finds dirt on these guys and then someone takes him out, right?" asked Sam.
"The only thing now is to find out who killed Jasper, because they might be next on Benjamin's hit list."
"But it is more likely we'd find that out from Benjamin," said Margot.
"Where is Benjamin now?"
"According to his phone's GPS, it looks like he's at home. Probably planning for his next escapade."
"Does he have any other place he might go to lay low for a while?" By now it wouldn't be surprising if Benjamin knew that the police were onto him. The phone at home could be a trap and it turned out it was. When Seras and Basil went to the home, they were nearly skewed with a bow and arrow rigged to kill anyone foolish to walk in on either of the two entrances. Basil decided that he would avoid eating anything that came on a stick for a while.
Meanwhile Sam and Uriel found the wanna-be Robin Hood in a storage unit from the address that Margot had given them. When Benjamin saw the agents, he jumped onto a motorbike and sped off.
"I hate it when they run," moaned Uriel.
"Not me" grinned Sam as she started the engine, "it makes cases more interesting." As the car sped after the bike, Uriel said into the speaker, "Benjamin, pull over, we can help you."
"Yeah help you go to prison" laughed Sam loudly.
"Sam, you're not helping."
"We're not therapists, Uriel."
The man ignored her and spent the chase trying to convince Benjamin to surrender, until the car took a sharp turn.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to cut him off, what do you think?"
"But…."
"Don't worry, I won't hurt him."
Then the car turned a second corner and collided with Benjamin's motorbike. Both bike and rider were sent flying into the air and sprawled onto the sidewalk, where pedestrians screamed and scattered.
"I thought you said you weren't going to hurt him!" shouted Uriel as the agents got out of their car. Sam went over to the bike and checked it over, "Only a dent and couple of scratches, see I told you I wasn't going to hurt him." As Uriel handcuffed the young man, he sighed all along Sam had meant the bike, not the suspect.
"You know you can't keep that right?"
"That's not what Baby Cakes is going to say" Sam winked.
While those two were arguing over the moral justification of keeping the suspect's possessions, Seras called.
"We caught him, Glorious Leader" said Sam.
"Ok, bring him to the Hangar and don't call me that."
"As you wish, my liege."
Seras hung up with a sigh and Sam just laughed.
"You know, you shouldn't tease like that."
"Hmmm. this coming from the guy was an ass to her because she is going out with someone that is not him."
"That's not…."
"Oh yeah and at some point you called her brainless. I think that my 'teasing' is far more harmless than calling the leader brainless."
"Wow, you called your leader brainless?" asked Benjamin, who had been listening in. Uriel shot him a glare. "What do you know, murderer?"
"I know you probably should get a different job. Maybe try helping yourself before trying to help others."
"Shut up" Uriel roughly shoved the man into the back seat and slammed the door.
"Touchy, ain't we?" asked Sam.
"I don't need you and some dirt bag ganging up on me."
Benjamin on the other hand wasn't finished yet, "I noticed that you like running your hand through your hair a lot. You admire that and your good looks, leaving you vapid and with the personality of a tree branch."
"Shut up!"
"Perhaps this lady you liked saw that in you and decided that she could do better."
"I said shut up!"
"Could you not scream, Urinal? I'm trying to drive" said Sam.
"My name is not 'urinal'! Maybe I should let Sir Integra know that you plan on stealing that motorbike."
"You're such a baby" mocked Sam "I'm going to tell on you! Grow up, Urinal."
"Benjamin snickered, "She can keep the bike. I'm going to prison anyway. I killed those bastards because of what happened to my brother."
"Ha! Told you I could keep the bike."
"We'll see."
1st Division HQ- Integra's Office
"She can keep the bike."
"Wait...what?"
"Told you so."
"The suspect said she could."
"But since when did we listen to criminal scum?"
"Would you like a tampon, Urinal?"
"My name is…."
"Shut it you two. To answer your question, Uriel, we never listen to criminal scum. However this time just makes it easier. I would have let her keep the bike anyway because what is he going to need for?"
"Why not give it to his family or lock it up as evidence, like the police?"
"We're not the police."
"It's still evidence."
"Did he run his victims over with it?"
"No."
"So it's not evidence."
"But he used it to try and get away."
"I don't care. If Sam wants to keep the bike, she can do so."
"Awesome, a free bike."
"If you want his house, feel free to take it."
"It doesn't work that way, Sir."
"Oh wait, our Glorious Leader is there right now" said Sam. As Uriel opened his mouth the woman said "Don't even think about telling me not to tease her like that."
"Alright all of you get out of my office, you're giving me a headache" said Integra. As the two were leaving the commander said to Uriel, "I am no longer putting you on cases that do not include a suicidal nut. So you better hope the next one has someone who wants to jump off of Big Ben."
Benjamin Sutton's House
The house once inhabited by Benjamin could be called an archer's paradise. Trophies and awards in the field of archery adorned almost every shelf. Magazines and invoices littered the table, however they were several years old.
"Seems like he quit some ago and only got back into it when his brother was killed" said Basil, picking up one of the magazines and flipping through it.
"So the classes were just a refresher. The shot to Bethany Knight's head was not a lucky shot" said Seras. As the CSI team and agents made their way from room to room, they did not find the classic (or cliché) secret room lined wall to wall with maps with notes scrawled on them or pictures of potential targets with all of their personal information. Benjamin's computer shared nothing as well. The house was just a regular apartment whose occupant was just proud of his archery skills.
"I thought there would be more" said Basil.
"Me too!" said an excitable Pepper. Both agents jumped and while Seras was trying to get her heart rate lower, she gasped, "Don't scare us like that! Where did you come from anyway?"
"Well you see Stephanie was pissed off about our last encounter that she was going to quit working 1st Division. But I convinced her not to because she, Integra and I are friends. You know, we do things together."
"You do?" asked Seras in awe.
"Umm...yeah...what did you think Integra do in her free time? More work?"
Neither Basil nor Seras answered the question, too afraid of the answer.
"Oh my God! You really thought that? It's a good thing that Integra doesn't care what you think."
"What do you mean that she doesn't care what we think?"
Pepper however jumped straight back into her story, "So as I was saying that we could still be friends and work together, no matter what the situation was. Besides it wasn't like Integra was mad about your first encounter with Stephanie. But back to the case, I was kinda hoping for a secret lair kind of thing. We did find a piece of paper with the word 'Black Scorpion Society', no clue what that is. Ok see you later." Pepper handed the paper to Seras, then left after her co-workers.
"What the hell just happened?" asked Basil.
"I have no clue" answered Seras.
"I think that we found out that Sir Integra does have a social life and she definitely lets people call her by just her name."
"Well forget about that now, we have to find out what this Black Scorpion Society is."
1st Division- The Hangar
When Benjamin had asked where the agents were taking him, he thought that Sam's answer of 'a place so far underground where no one can hear you scream' was some macho man threat to scare him, he just scoffed. It wouldn't be the first time that the typical law enforcement used cliché lines like that. But that confidence turned to dread when the car pulled into an abandoned airfield, where the only activity were several serious guards milled about. The car then pulled into a hangar and the three exited the vehicle. Several guards roughly grabbed Benjamin into a small room where he was searched and then told to change into an ugly olive green jumpsuit, all of this was done at gunpoint. He was then handed back to the agents who led him to an elevator that went deep underground. When they reached the bottom, they took the prisoner to one of the many rooms that lined a long corridor and shackled to a metal table.
The young man didn't have to wait long until a blond woman with big breasts and tired looking blue eyes walked in. Benjamin couldn't help himself and blurted out, "How do you work with such large tits?" Seras' face turned a deep shade of red from embarrassment to purple with rage, "What's with everyone and my breasts?!
Outside the room, Sam was howling with laughter, while Uriel tried to shut her up.
"How would you like it if I asked you how you work with such a tiny prick?!"
"But no one can see it and it doesn't get in the way. Do they keep you from running? Is that why you sent the others to find me?"
"You know what? Fuck you! Just go and fuck yourself!" Seras stormed out of the room, while Benjamin called, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you. Really, I didn't." The fact that all these questions were asked out of pure curiosity and not malice is what angered Seras more. If it was some scumbag jeering at her, she would have an excuse to make a crude remark about the size of his 'fun bits' or even punch him in the face. But this was new and unexpected. If Benjamin was curious, what were the others thinking? Her friends, her co-workers? This mortified the poor woman even more and it didn't help that Sam was laughing her bloody head off. Seras left the Hangar, got into one of the cars and sped off.
"She did what?"
"Umm...I don't know where she went, Sir," said Basil.
"Just find her." Integra hung up the phone.
"Maybe this was too much for her," said Walter with a frown.
"At least they caught the perpetrator."
"True, but…."
The older man was interrupted by Stephanie storming into the office, "Integra, please train your pets to be more civil!"
The commander looked over at Baskerville who was busy with a chew toy and said, "I think he's civil enough."
"I meant your agents!"
"Didn't we have this talk before?"
"Yes, but apparently you didn't have that talk with them!"
"Did you have that talk with them?"
"I told Melon Tits that on a crime scene I was in charge."
"Who's Melon Tits.?"
"The blonde bimbo who's trying to be you! With the snarky attitude."
"Stephanie, I would appreciate it if you didn't refer to my agents as 'Melon Tits' or 'blonde bimbos.'"
"Well I'd appreciate it if they could show an ounce of professionalism. Integra, we've been friends for some time and I like working with you."
Integra chuckled, "Well that's the first anyone has ever said that to me. I'm flattered."
"I'm serious, those….agents of yours are quite unruly."
"I think you both need to play nice. Besides, asking for me as soon as my agents arrived on the scene was rude."
"I can't help it! I'm used to you showing up."
"I would like it if I didn't have to hear complaints and bickering."
"Fine I'll be nice...ugh."
"Stop looking like you're going to vomit."
"I'll see you later, also you still owe Pepper that dinner, Integra. She has tons of new stories just for you."
"None which should be told when you're eating. I was hoping she would forget.
"And don't even think about asking me to join, you're on your own."
When Stephanie was gone, Integra rolled her eyes, "Women."
The Hangar
After Seras had run off, Uriel tried to call several times and got voicemail which for some reason included her cat, Major.
"I still got nothing" he sighed, "Some leader running off like that."
Basil glared at him, "Still pissed that she didn't choose you? Besides, what do you expect? If she sees your name on the caller ID she won't pick up."
While the men were having their macho man standoff, Sam entered the room. Why were men so useless?
"We'll have a little talk while everyone else is being an idiot." Sam said to Benjamin. "How did you find Bradbury and Ms. Knight on the same day? Were you stalking them?"
"I was stalking Ms. Knight and one day I saw the 'good' doctor leaving one of the buildings nearby. It was too good of an opportunity."
"Lucky for them. Since you already confessed to the murders, you mind sharing with the class, why?"
"Jasper wanted to become an investigative journalist, but he got in way over his head. The companies he started looking into were corrupt. Doctor Isaac Bradbury had a bunch of malpractice charges brought against him, but then they vanished."
Sam started taking notes, these companies would eventually be looked into by the 1st Division when Integra learned of it.
"The L'Fleur family claimed that all of their products were made in France by paid workers that was a lie. They are made by child slaves in several countries in Asia."
"And Solstice Security, what did they do wrong?"
"They are a tech company whose job is to provide home security systems that were supposed to stand up to London's strict policy on home safety. They didn't. One of their doorbell systems would catch on fire unexpectedly. After they recalled the product, they resold it under a different name several months later."
"So who is the Black Scorpion Society?"
"Those were the goons that were sent to kill Jasper. They made it look like an accident, problems with his brakes." The young man clenched his fists as he tried to hold back tears.
"So they were the next target on your hit list?"
"Once I found out the individual who killed my brother, yes."
"What do you know about this Black Scorpion Society?"
"Nothing, I was going to do some research until you found me."
"Well now you can leave the research to more competent people. Ok sit right there."
"Can you tell the blond lady that I'm sorry for offending her?"
Sam didn't answer, when she left, she was surprised to see Integra outside the room with a shame-faced Seras, Uriel and Seras.
"Today is just full of surprises," the commander said in a bored tone. "These two clowns were about to tear each other apart. Seras decided to go home early and Sam is actually working. I can't tell if this is a dream or a nightmare."
"It's great to know that you dream of me, Sweet Tits."
"Try not to ruin the semblance of professionalism you have, Sam."
"Oh Hot Buns, you know you keep me around because I don't have any professionalism."
"The scary thing about that is it's true."
"I love you too, Hot Buns."
Integra led the group outside, "We have a lot to discuss, none of it good."
1st Division HQ- War Room
Once again Seras' team sat in the War Room looking as glum as wet cats in a cold room. The room might as well have been the tundra with the ice cold glare that Integra had fixed on them. Well the only one who didn't look gloomy was Sam who had a wide grin on her face.
"Sam why are you grinning like that? You look like a hyena."
"Because I not in trouble."
"Are you sure about that?"
Sam scratched her head trying to remember if she did anything wrong and she couldn't recall anything she said, "Yep, I'm sure." With a waggle of her eyebrows, "Unless you want me to do something naughty."
"That'll have to wait". While Sam's mouth dropped open, Integra turned to the rest and continued, "This is the second time I had to do this and you know how I hate to repeat myself." Pointing a finger at Uriel, she said, "Let's start with you. You're as stupid as you are cute. You have the vanity of an airheaded model and the personality of a wet paper bag. No woman in her right mind would want a relationship with you. Maybe a couple of shag sessions, but that's all."
"Damn" said Sam with a giggle.
Uriel on the other hand was pissed, "You have no right to…"
"No right to do what? To tell you that whatever reasons for your ridiculous behavior is in no way helping this case? So how about you think with your brain and instead of the inch worm you call a dick?"
Seras used her hand to cover the smile on her face. The bastard deserved that. How dare he act like an ass just because she chose to go out with Pip? She was not some kind of thing to be conquered. And Seras did not want to be another notch in someone's belt.
Integra pointed to Basil, who hoped that she wouldn't make a remark about penis size. "Don't get roped into this clown's misery. It's not worth it. If you want to act like a brain dead wild beast then you are free to do so-off of these premises."
"Yes Sir", Basil muttered.
Sam started laughing, but stopped when Integra said, "There is nothing funny about anything that is going on, yet you keep cackling like a drunken fool. That ear splitting cacophony you call a voice is best when no one can hear it. So unless you have something important to say keep your trap shut."
"As you wish, Cinnamon Babe," The stupid grin was still plastered on her face.
"And Seras," the Commander saved her coldest glare for the leader. "You are the leader of this team. You do not run home and with the company's car no less. I don't care if there is a whole stadium of people wondering how you do anything with the size of your breasts! You can cry about that later, right now you need to act like an adult." Integra's gaze softened, "I wouldn't have made you the leader, if I didn't think you could do it."
Seras just nodded. Integra turned to the last person on the team, "Margot keep up the good work" and she left.
"Get that shit eating grin off your face" laughed Sam.
"Why? I did nothing wrong" smiled Margot. "At least you're not Uriel."
"Did she really say he was cute?" asked Basil.
"That's not the first time" said Uriel, "and I don't have an inch worm in my pants."
"If she keeps calling you cute, she's going to find out." said Margot.
"What? That she was right?" said Sam. "Besides not until she does that something naughty with me."
"I think she said that to shut you up" said Uriel.
"But not before she said you had the personality of a wet paper bag."
"OK, let's get back to the case" said Margot, who was smart enough to see that if they kept going it would turn into a big fight. If Integra had to go back, she'd fire them all, well except her. "Seras, you want to stop pouting and join the rest of the class?"
"I'm not pouting, I'm sulking" was the petulant reply. Uriel sighed was about to give a snarky remark, but was stopped when the doors slid open and Pip walked in, "Hey Seras, can we talk?"
"Yeah sure."
When the left Sam said, "10£ says they are going to have sex."
"I was going to say £20 Sam makes a bet" said Basil.
"Well someone go out there and see what they are saying" said Sam.
"I thought that you were going to do it," said Margot.
"Fine, I'll do it." As the doors slid open, they revealed Seras and Pip in a full kissing session.
"Hot dam! They're not saying, they're doing!"
"Is that the new talking?" asked Basil with a chuckle. Uriel just huffed and muttered "Unprofessional."
After a couple of seconds, the two broke apart, Seras looking red and Pip with a goofy grin on his face.
"Ya know after that little show, I expect a sex tape."
"I have no clue why, but I agree with Sam."
"Good taste, Margot. Good taste."
"So, I'll see you tonight then, Seras?"
"Yeah...yeah." Pip gave Seras a kiss on the cheek and left.
"Can we get back to the case?"
"What's the rush, Urinal? We got the guy, he confessed and about now he's being transferred to the LMPD. We are pretty much done."
"There are the three other cases that opened up, you know with the three victims?"
"How does that factor in?" asked Basil, "they're dead."
"They may be dead, but their businesses were corrupt. Bradbury, Knight and L'Fleur were on Jasper's radar, so they must have been up to something."
"Yeah, I don't think that Sir Integra would take the word of one dead amateur journalist. She would want to see hard evidence" said Margot in a bored tone.
"We could find that evidence…"
"We'll wait until Sir Integra says anything," said Seras. "Right now it's best if we stick to this case. Besides, we have to do the paperwork."
"Will you be writing about that kiss, Glorious Leader?"
"No I won't."
"But you should. Sir Integra loves details."
"Stop it, Sam."
"Ok, but I want to see that sex tape."
"There isn't going to be one."
"Aww you should learn to share."
"I'm not sharing anything."
"Fine." Turning to Margot, "What do we have on the Black Scorpion Society, besides the fact that they sound like a spinoff of Scientology?"
"Not much they are a security firm. They provide security guards to businesses and bodyguards to those who can afford them.
"That's merely on the surface" Integra had reentered the room.
"What's beneath the surface?" asked Seras nervously, though she had a bad feeling that she already knew.
"Sam, remember when I said that I know how to make a body disappear?"
Every head turned to Integra, who sat comfortably in her chair with a smirk.
"Shit! You had someone killed?" Basil was the first to speak. "You work with the Black Scorpions?"
"I don't work with them, they are too…noticeable."
"Great she got a secret a hit squad" said Uriel. "First social life, now this."
"And a sex life, remember Sheila?" said Margot.
Integra rolled her eyes, "Nothing happened between Sheila and I. Except for the nude beach. And the fingering. And the threesome with the PR officer Nigel. Other than that nothing happened. I'd had sex, but I don't have something as crass as a 'sex life'. I leave that to Sam."
"You're making this up, right?" asked Sam.
"Is it relevant to the case, Sam?"
"So does that mean we have to find the individual who killed Jasper?" asked Margot who wanted to steer away from Integra's sex life.
"No" said Basil, "we'd have to have a plausible reason to have Jasper's body dug up and reexamined."
"Plus the fact that they are assassins in disguise of a legit company, makes me not want to have to deal with them," said Uriel, "they can make your death look like an accident."
"So then this case is closed" said Seras in relief, "but now we have to do a butt load of paper work."
"That wasn't so hard now was it, Seras?" Integra asked.
"Yes! Yes, it was hard, Sir! I have bags under my eyes. I barely go any sleep! These clowns got on my nerves! I could barely eat! I almost neglected my cat! And I found out way too much information about you!"
"Says the one making out with Pip in my house."
"These were the hardest days of my life! I don't ever want to do that ever again!"
"Well that's too bad you have to."
"What about them? Make one of them lead!"
"Those 'clowns' as you so graciously called them are not fit to be leaders."
"We are standing right here" said Uriel.
"I know, I'm not blind yet. I think you'll make a fine leader, Seras. You just need more confidence and practice. And I apologize for my social life. I promise never to do it again. What was I thinking? Shame on me for doing things other than work." Integra laughed at the looks on the agents faces before leaving the room.
"Well that was horrible" said Sam, "who wants to join me in kicking Sheila's ass?"
"If Sheila was being fingered by Sir Integra, she'd never shut up about it" said Basil. One of the screens turned, of course it was Sheila who said, "Guess what Teggy and I did!"
Chapter End
Epilogue
Integra sighed for the thosandenth time. Walter looked up from watering a plant, "What is the matter, Sir?"
"Another bloody hunting goods store called. They are not happy with the treatment that Seras gave them, when inquiring for surveillance evidence."
"She could have asked Margot to hack into the cameras and their computers for the information that would have saved time."
"That would have been ideal. What does she think, it rains gasoline?"
"I thought that we were going to change to solar."
"We were but then I remembered that we lived in London. Now I have to talk to her about imitating me."
"Imitation may be the highest form of flattery, but she still hates when people tell her that."
The Rec Room
As the guys were playing a rather loud game of table tennis, the women sat on large bean bags, asking Seras why she chose Pip over Uriel.
"Uriel is cuter" said Dara.
"Then you go out with him. Sir Integra was right and I hate to admit but so was Benjamin. He has no personality."
"But he's a nice guy" said Margot.
"I decided to give him a chance, so we went to dinner and I was bored out of my mind! All he did was talk about was himself."
"Damn, Honey Buns can sure read them."
"He talked about his hair and how he kept it clean and styled. How he combed it just right. And that he went a specific barber shop and had a specific barber cut his hair. Then it was a long list of hair products. And that was the first 45 minutes!
"Wow" said Dara, not knowing what else to say.
"Don't get me started on the wardrobe, the shoes, the ties and the watches. Did I mention the shoes? Oh God, it was boring!"
"He didn't ask anything about you?" asked Margot.
"He did, when I got to a part of my story, he cut me off and said it reminded him of something that he did. And the whole dinner was like that. And he even had the nerve to try and order my meal for me."
"Oh fuck no!" said Sam, "the minute a guy does that, he can watch my ass as it leaves the table."
"So I made up something about my cat, so I could leave."
The other three women laughed. "Damn that's a good one" said Dara, "I would have done the same thing and I don't have even have one."
"And when we got to my apartment, he leaned in for a kiss, but I just said 'good night' and shut the door in his face."
"He must not have been happy."
"I couldn't tell, Margot. He seemed ok with it the next day."
"Oh I get it now" said Sam, "he thought that he had another chance. But when you chose Pip that's when he realized that you shat all over his ego."
"Yeah and he's been treating me like crap ever since. But Pip was funny. He told ridiculous and dirty jokes. He genuinely showed interest in what I was saying. Uriel was an awful date and we didn't go to some snooty fancy restaurant either. Just a normal diner."
"Not the one with the shrimp, right?" laughed Sam.
"No! Pip did tell me the story about what happened. Remind me never to get food poisoning around Sir Integra."
"Get to the part where you two shag."
"We didn't have sex yet."
"Oh come on, you're the only virgin on the team!"
"Sam! Don't go around saying that or I'll…."
"Or you'll make sure she learns how to piss through her ears?"
"Sir! How long have you been there?"
"Not relevant."
"A lot of things have become irrelevant with you lately, Baby Cakes."
"Shut it, Sam."
"Ok Hot Twat, shutting up right now. Not saying a word. You're not hearing a word from me." The glare from the commander got the agent to finally shut up.
"I've been getting calls all morning from employers and employees alike complaining about a certain blond agent going around threatening to rearrange their anatomy, physical assault, name calling, insults, yelling and saying the most rudest of things."
"Those are all negative traits" said Dara.
"One, no one asked you, Dara, and two those are unique characteristics in me, Seras, not you."
"Sorry Sir."
"Just try not to be a knock off version of me. There can only be one Integra and that's me."
"Yes Sir." After all one Integra was all the world could handle.
Chapter End
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