Mayl rolled tirelessly in her bed. She's been lying there for what felt like hours. Lying on her right side. Lying on her left side. Lying in her back. Twisting unto her front. She sandwiched herself between her pillows. Wrapped herself in her blankets. Threw the blankets to the side. Covered her legs and not her chest. Covered her chest but not her legs. She moved from the headboard to the foot of the bed, only to move back to the headboard. Nothing seemed to make her comfortable. She tried to force her eyes shut, yet, despite everything she tried, they opened and inhaled the dimly lit room around her. She forcefully turned face down once again into her pillow and opened her mouth as if she were about to scream. She managed to control herself, yet the energy was there. After the moment had passed, she lifted her head and turned towards the window next to her bed. The curtains—made of thin fabric—did not prevent all the outside light from seeping into her bedroom. The streetlights that lined the road could be seen like floating bulbs of light, and the room could be traversed simply based on silhouettes. Staring at the window, her anger swelled within her and tears appeared in her eyes.
"Why won't you work?!"
Mayl lunged towards the curtains from her bed and quickly ripped them down, causing the metal rod to lunge quickly from the window frame and hit Mayl at the top of her forehead. Further enraged, she picked up the rod—curtains still attached—and threw it rashly across her room. Behind her she heard a thud accompanied by a quick crash, prompting her to turn. With the streetlights next to her apartment being ample lighting, she could see that the rod and curtains lied on the ground near her vanity table. The table itself had budged from its normal resting place against the wall of her room. The makeup, pencil holder, books, and other miscellaneous objects that lied on top were scattered, some presumably knocked to the floor. But what caught Mayl's attention was the parts of the mirror that did not reflect.
"Oh no…" she said quietly to herself.
The temper that she had quickly diminished, and she was crashed back into reality. She scooted across her bed and quickly went to inspect the damage she had caused. On the vanity, among the disheveled objects, glass shards lied disorganized. Only a third of the mirror was still intact with the table. She turned to look at the rod and curtains on the ground not far from her.
"Oh no!" she repeated.
She realized that the curtain rod had punctured a hole into the wall. She hastily walked past the vanity in order to reach it, but a sharp pain in her right foot stopped her in her tracks. She screamed in pain as her knee buckled and she wobbled forward, trying her best not to put any weight on that foot as she tried to process what exactly was causing the pain. She fell to her knees next to the curtains and rod and lifted her foot for her to inspect. Blood had already begun to exude from her sole, but, luckily for her, a piece of glass didn't seem to be stuck within her foot. Tears began to well in her eyes as she lifted herself up. On her left leg, she hopped towards her bedroom door—her right arm supporting herself with the wall next to her—and proceeded down the hallway into the bathroom. Switching on the light, she turned on the faucet with warm water and lifted her foot once again for a better look. Blood still continued to drip from her foot, she saw a trail of droplets on the tile coming from the entrance to the bathroom. Without thinking, Mayl grabbed the towel that hung over her shower and wetted a corner of it with the warm water flowing from the faucet. Kneeling back down, lying against the cabinet that was beneath the sink, she wrapped the wet portion of the towel around her foot, causing her to wince from the stinging of the water entering her cut.
Trying to keep the towel tight around her foot, Mayl continued to sniffle as tears continued to fall from her eyes. Her temper began to rise, and she felt herself become angrier and angrier at the events that unfolded. The tears in her eyes could not be held back anymore, and she broke down as she held her foot close to her chest. The pain had begun to subside a little, but a throbbing sensation replaced the stinging from before. "I just wanted to sleep…" she cooed to herself, "Why did I have to do something so stupid!" She gritted her teeth as she yelled at herself. She threw her head back in anger, only to be stopped abruptly by the shelf that she was leaning against, causing a loud thud to be heard as Mayl shouted in pain again. She let go of her towel to grip the back of her head. Her vision seemed to throb along with her head. She continued to wince as she felt as though she were spinning in a vortex.
"Lan…" she finally muttered. "Lan, why did you have to go…?" She felt her body relax after she uttered his name. "I want you to be here with me." She confessed to no one. "I want you to be here next to me. I want to hug you. I want to hold on to you. I want to hear your voice…" She trailed off. Her mind wondered to her phone. It was still in her bedroom, on the table where she left it every night. She suddenly felt an urge to call him. She took a hand from her head and tried to further secure the overly large towel to her foot as she tried to stand. She felt light-headed as she finally stood on her feet, stumbling slightly as she began to take her first steps out of the bathroom back to her room. The towel became loose, and she ended up dragging it along the floor. She entered her room again and looked at mess on the floor. The mirror was still broken. Her possessions were still scattered on the ground, and her curtain rod still rested next to the whole in her wall.
The sight caused Mayl to get emotional again. The feeling of crying started to overwhelm her. She looked at her table, next to her bed, and saw her phone sitting there undisturbed. She bent down and picked up the towel on her foot. Blood seemed to stop, leaving only a moist cut. She held the towel in her hands as she carefully traversed the ground—assuring no glass would spike either of her feet again. She reached her bed, picked up her phone, and saw the time. It was 1:18 at night.
"I… I can't call him…" she said, "But…" she began to argue with herself. Lan's contact was open in front of her. All she needed to do was press a button. She hovered over the call button, deliberating if this were the right thing to do. She looked at the mess of her room and pressed it. The phone began to ring.
After a few rings, Mayl abruptly canceled the call. She threw her phone onto her bed. Her eyes swelled with tears again and then she fell back onto her bed, crying forcefully into her pillow.
I awoke abruptly. I looked at my bedroom ceiling, my eyes simply staring at the fan that spun above me. It was strange for me to wake up in the middle of the night like this, and I listened for whatever disrupted me. Suddenly, my phone flashed bright from my computer desk that was across my room. I rolled over in my bed, my back facing away from the light, and tried to close my eyes to return to sleep. Yet… there was a feeling that gnawed at me. It was strange for my phone to go off at night. The only other time that happened was when Dex accidentally locked himself out of his car and needed a ride home.
I rolled back over to face my phone, whose light has since turned off, and curiosity and paranoia as to whether this is Dex calling me again for help took hold of me. I lifted my sheets and exited my bed, walking over and reaching for my phone. There was a missed call—from Mayl. It was almost 1:30 at night.
"Mayl?"
My face contorted into a sign of confusion. It was so unlike her to call me at this time. In fact, she never called me at this time. She had a strict sleeping regiment, anyway. She should be sleeping at this time. Furthermore, I was just over there tonight. It was a Friday night, and she invited us to her apartment for dinner and to hang out. I was the last to leave, and she was in her pajamas heading off to bed when I finally walked out the door. What was going on? I quickly took my phone from its charger and called Mayl back. I waited as I received ring after ring. But it ended up going to her voicemail, the sound of her sweet voice saying, "Hello! I'm sorry that I can't pick up the phone right now. Please leave a message and I'll call you back when I am next available." Beep.
"Mayl? Is everything alright? You called me and It's late and I just want to make sure that you're alright. Just call me back, alright?"
I hung up the phone and sat down in my computer chair, staring at my phone like it was about to do a magic trick. I felt this horrible sensation begin to whirl in my stomach. A sense of fear began to immerse me. I stood from the chair and paced around my room trying to think. What could have possibly happened that would have Mayl ending up calling me? It couldn't have been a mistake. No one just calls someone in the middle of the night by accident, especially in their sleep. She must be awake. Something must be happening.
I reached for my phone. No call—as if my phone could ring without me noticing. I called Mayl again, my body tense as I prayed that she would answer her phone. But it just rang and rang, eventually cutting to her voicemail. I began to panic. I couldn't control myself. I was worried and scared. If anything were to happen to her—I opened my contacts and called Yai. It was late, obviously, but this was an emergency. As the line rang, I crossed my fingers that I would get an answer. But it went to voice mail. I cursed to myself as I hung up the phone, giving out a frustrated sigh as I threw my head up in anger. I looked outside to the street. My car was parked in the driveway. It would be a fifteen-minute drive back to her apartment—probably quicker since the roads would be empty and speed limits are technically optional. I stood there and debated with myself. I have two options: drive to her apartment and learn that either she is okay or in need of help or wait until she calls back, when it would be impossible to help her, or worse… That was a chance I didn't want to take.
Ring, ring, ring!
My head shot down towards my phone. Yai, unfortunately, but I answered quickly and said a quick thanks in my head that someone was responding to me. "Lan? Is everything okay?" Yai asked, her voice obviously still filled with sleep. "Mayl tried to call me tonight for some reason. She never calls me at night, and I'm worried about her. Did she happen to call you or anything?" I rushed, the worry in my voice being hard to miss. "No. I hadn't spoken to her since we left her apartment." Yai said, "Are you sure it wasn't just an accident or something?" I scratched the back of my head in habit. "I called her back and left a voicemail, but she hasn't returned my call." Yia responded, "I'm sure she's fine, Lan. She'll get back to you. I promise." I started to lightly bite my tongue. I didn't think that I had time to wait. "Lan, it's okay. Mayl's a big girl. She can take care of herself." Yai said, probably hearing my silence on the other line. "She is… you're right…" I agreed. "I admire how much you care about Mayl, Lan." Yai commented, "Just try to get some sleep. Tomorrow I'll call her, and we can head over to make sure everything is okay, alright? How does that sound? I'm sure this will be something that we can laugh about together." I chuckled on the other side of the line, causing Yai to reciprocate with her own laughter. "Okay, Yai… That sounds good."
"Good!" she replied joyfully, "Now how about we try and get some sleep." We both said our goodbyes and she hung up the phone. But, despite my smile, her words calmed me little. I looked out the window again at my car. "If I drive over there and find out she's okay, then no harm is done…" I spoke out loud. "We've been best friends since forever, right? She can forgive me over something like this…" I continued to justify, walking over to my dresser to put on a shirt. "I might have to endure the wrath of Yai, but… that's whatever." I grabbed the keys from my dresser and ran out to my parked car…
I pulled up next to her apartment complex. It was a ten-minute drive, ultimately, and the road was free to park on considering it was almost 2:00am at night. I got out of my car and jogged to the main entrance. It was locked—as was the procedure for this late at night—requiring residents to use their special keycard to unlock the doors in order to enter. But I hoped that the guard on post in the main lobby this night would make an exception for me. I looked inside the door and saw Mary working on something at her desk during her night shift. I knocked on the window, her head quickly looking up towards the door, trying to see where the noise was coming from. "Mary! It's me, Lan!" I tried not to shout too loud. She stood from the desk and walked over and opened the door for me. "Lan?" Mary asked, "What are you doing here so late? What's going on?" She gave me a confused look on her face.
"I'm worried about Mayl. Did you hear anything from her tonight?" I said, panic still fueling my system. Mary developed a look of shock on her face, "No… no! I heard nothing from her! Did something happen? Did she call you?" she asked. "Yeah… About thirty minutes ago or so." I explained, "I got a call from her, which she never does, and she hasn't called me back. I'm so worried about her, Mary. I just want to make sure she's okay..." I ran my hands through my hair again in habit. "But she seemed fine when we were there earlier for dinner…" Mary spoke aloud. "Let me just go check on her, Mary, please?" I asked. "Of course! I need to stay here at the desk but, if there's anything wrong, you just call me, okay? That's when I'm technically allowed to leave my post." I hugged her quickly. "I owe you one, Mary. Anytime, okay?" I said as I ran passed her to the elevator around the corner. I rapidly pressed the button for the fifth floor and wished that the apartment elevator was faster as I waited for the elevator to lift me completely. The elevator opened, and I quickly ran down the hallway and around the corner to reach her apartment door. Approaching the door, my hands became extremely sweaty.
"What if Yai was right?" I thought to myself. "What if she's fine? I don't want to anger her… I don't want to regret this…" I stood in front of her door. "I just want to make sure she's okay…" I argued with myself, "If she's okay, then I'll go home… If she's not… then I'll help her… Simple." Raising my hand, I quietly knocked on her door, trying my best not to be too loud for the neighbors next door. "Mayl…" I said, trying to keep my voice to something above a whisper, "Mayl are you okay in there?" I stood and waited. After another moment, my heart beating faster and faster, I knocked louder on her door. "Mayl!" I said, louder than I wanted. I looked around at the other doors, hoping that no one would come out and yell at me. I looked back at the door, finally laying my eyes on the doorknob. In a desperate move, I reached down and tried to open the door.
To my surprise it was unlocked.
My stomach dropped. Mayl never kept her door unlocked. I poked my head around the door, still hesitant in my can-be-perceived-as-a home invasion. I peered into her dark living room. A dim stream of light shined from her hallway. I pushed the door open and walked further into the apartment, the door closing behind me. "Mayl?" I spoke. I looked at the living room. It was as it was when I left earlier that night. Same for the kitchen and its connected counter. I walked closer to the hallway. The bathroom light was on. "Mayl?" I repeated, "Where are you? Are you alright?"
"Lan?" I heard a voice say. It sounded weak. It quivered. But the sweetness that emanated from it was undoubtedly hers. I walked quicker down the hallway, looking into the bathroom where the light shined. I didn't see anyone, but I gasped as I saw a trail of blood puddles on the floor and one of the cabinet doors underneath the sink hanging on a hinge. I turned towards her room. "Mayl!?" I said as I walked in. And there, in front of all the mess, I saw a dark silhouette, its knees pressed against its chest, sitting on the bed in front of the open window.
"Lan…" I heard a muffled sound escape her lips. Her breath was neurotic. Her nose sniffled, and I watched her bring one hand up from her foot in order to brush away tears from her face before clutching onto it again with both hands. I was overcome with emotion. I could not stand to see my precious Mayl in such disarray. "You came…" I was caught off guard at her words. "Of course I came, Mayl. I'll be here whenever you need me." I stepped forward but quickly stopped at the sound of something shattering under my step. I looked down to see what it was. Glass shards were spread around the carpet. I reexamined the room once more and saw the broken mirror from the vanity table. Thankfully I still had my shoes on. "Did you cut yourself? I'm sorry… I'm sorry!" Mayl blurted out. I looked back up to her. Her darkened face was staring at me. The sound of her crying grew louder.
"I'm okay, Mayl. I'm wearing my shoes." I tried to console her as I took bigger strides over the floor to her bed, "I'm okay." I stopped short of her. Standing next to her, the light from the window illuminated her perfectly. Her red hair, now disheveled, lied randomly on her head. Her hands were clutching onto a towel wrapped around her foot. She had her face buried in her knees, as if she was ashamed for me to see her face. I held my hand out to touch her but stopped. I didn't know what to do. "Mayl…" I said. It didn't feel right for me to touch her like this. I've never felt this feeling of hesitation before. In my dreams I would reach out to her and hold her tight—wrap my arms around her and never let her go. But now… as she's crying in front of me… I feel like a pervert. I feel like a disgusting voyeur.
But my heart still mourns for her.
"What happened, Mayl?" I asked her, retracting my hand. Her sobs were still audible. "Did something happen after I left? I see something happened in the bathroom… And you're room… Are you okay?"
"I didn't mean to bother you, Lan…" Mayl spoke between her tears, "I'm sorry…"
"No, no, no, no…" I tried to comfort her as I kneeled down next to her bed, "Mayl, I will always be there for you. I'm here right now. You needed me, and I'm here. There's no need for you to apologize." I looked to her hands that were stilled wrapped around her foot. I wanted to reach out and grab her hand. I wanted to reach out and pick her up and hold her in my arms. I wanted to climb next to her on her bed and cuddle with her.
To protect her.
But still that feeling geared its head. That feeling of disgust. That feeling that I am only taking advantage of a poor, unguarded woman. I stand here not as an ally but a monster. A monster that is going to betray the years of friendship between her and I. Between I and all our other friends. I shouldn't be here now. I'm not the right person to be comforting her. I know nothing about comfort. How do I know if these feelings I hold for her are legitimate? What if these sensations I have are just my own dark manipulations… bathed in the justice of kindness? I don't feel this way with others. I would not act this rash with Yai or Jasmine or Shuko… I do not dream of her and think of her in these… romantic ways… Is it only my subconscious yearning for power? Am I really an emotional abuser seeking to take advantage of the person that I feel so close with?
But my heart still mourns for her…
How could my actions be motivation by this… evil? It cannot be possible… It cannot be possible! I think these thoughts… Someone who is a perpetrator of these heinous acts would not be this aware of them. I am thinking them. I am afraid of them. My motivation does not come from a place of debauchery but from a place of love and support! I laugh with her. I eat with her. I talk with her. I support her… at least I try… I would do anything in my power to help her, even if that means that I need to drive here in the middle of the night to hold her close and tell her… and tell her… that I love her! That she means everything to me! That there is not another woman on this earth that I appreciate more than her! That she makes me happy to be alive! No way am I a pervert… A womanizer… My job is…
To protect her.
And she needs my protection right now. She needs me to be there for her more than just in words alone. I looked up towards her face, still buried in her knees. She seemed so afraid and scared. Worried… I looked towards her foot for yet another time. Her hands gripped it tightly still. Reaching my hand out, I laid it on her hand. "Mayl, I'm here for you. You understand? I'm here for you." I looked at her, hoping that she would look at me again, "I'll be here all night if I need to…" I saw her move slightly at the contact. Slowly, she lifted her head and looked at me. I smiled at her, seeing her face for the first time since I arrived, happy that she was finally beginning to open up to me. "Oh… Lan…" Before I could react, Mayl lunged towards me with her arms out. She practically fell on me as I attempted to hold her up so we both didn't get thrown to the ground covered in glass, but I could handle her easily.
"Agh!" Mayl grimaced as I held her off the side of the bed. "Mayl?" I asked, quickly, "Everything okay?"
"My foot…" She said to me, "It hurts…" I lifted her up and placed her firmly on her bed again. "What's wrong with it?" I asked her, leaning over. "I cut myself on the glass… It stings when I bend it…" I looked down to her foot. "Can I take a look?" I asked her. She nodded her head and removed the towel from her foot. It seemed fine to me, just looking at it. "Extend your leg out, okay? I'm going to look at the bottom of your foot." She did as I asked her, stretching her leg out on her bed. I bent over and gave it a look. There was an obvious mark, a line stretching an inch or so from the middle of her foot towards her heel. It appeared puffy and a little red, some blood was dried around the opening, but the cut began to spill a little blood after she reopened it by almost falling of the bed.
"It doesn't look too bad." I told her, giving her a smile, "You got any alcohol that we can put on it? I know it will hurt, but it's best we do that, so it doesn't get infected." I gave her a frown. "In the bathroom, I do." she said to me, her face returning with sadness. For the first time that night she lifted her eyes to me, and I got to see her shadowy face. I stood from her bed and held my hand out to her. She took it, and I lifted her to her feet. I could feel her lean on me, not wanting to place any weight on her foot. I turned to look at the floor in front of us. "Stay near the wall, and we'll dodge all the glass." We walked from her room into the bathroom, the light still having been left on this entire.
"Wait a moment." I looked to her. I stepped over the blood on the floor and grabbed a handful of toilet paper. Wetting them a little in the sink, I leaned down and began whipping the blood from the floor. "Lan, that's not your mess to clean up…" Mayl weakly spoke to me. I looked up at her. "Don't be ridiculous, Mayl…" I tried to sound soothing, but I felt my eyes widen when I saw her face. There was blood on her forehead. Not much, but it seemed dry. Mayl must've noticed it at the same time—seeing herself in the bathroom mirror. She reached up and touched her forehead, her face becoming red again. "Hey, hey!" I said, standing up. "I don't know how this happened…" her voice was shaky again. I could see her eyes begin to swell. "It's okay. You're okay." There was a moment of hesitation before I reached out and took hold of one of her hands. "I'm here, okay?" I tried to comfort her, "It just looks like a small cut. Nothing major. We'll clean it up. No problem." I assured her as I used my free hand to move her hair out of the way to get a better view of her forehead. The blood was, in fact, dry. The cut was just a small on her forehead, but blood certainly wasn't afraid to escape. "I'm sorry… I… I don't know how I did this…" Mayl apologized to me. "Don't apologize for anything, Mayl." I said, looking into her eyes, "Like I said, we'll clean it up. Come sit on the toilet." I held her hand as she made the quick trip across the bathroom floor and sat down. I opened the medicine cabinet and searched for two things: alcohol and band aids. I wasn't some certified doctor, but it was the two things I fall back on when whenever blood is involved.
It took me a moment—the alcohol was in an obvious container in front of my face, but the band aids were able to hide in plain sight. I found them anyway after taking a quick breath and focusing. We were lucky. The band aids box that Mayl had contained small and large band aids, something that I was grateful for when I realized how big the small band aids actually were. They wouldn't be able to cover the cut in one go. But that's not a problem anymore… I looked to Mayl who was sitting silently on the toilet. "Do you have a preference for what we do first?" I asked her, kneeling next to her again. I don't know why I asked for her preference, and I don't know why I've been kneeling down so much. I guess I'm just trying to be careful, I suppose. "Whatever you want to do first…" she replied to me. "Alright…" I replied, "Let's do your foot first. Okay?" I looked at her. She shook her head. I took the towel from around her foot and laid it aside. I picked up her leg and laid it across my bent knee, gaining access to the bottom of her foot. With the light from the bathroom illuminating things clearly, I saw the cut in full view. I opened the bottle of alcohol and looked up to Mayl. "This is going to sting a little…" I gave her a small frown, "But it should only be brief, okay?" She nodded to me again. I picked up the bottle of alcohol and paused. "How am I going to do this…?" I said to myself, looking between the bottle and her foot. It was pointing upwards, as feet usually do. But I couldn't just pour the alcohol on her foot… It would just fall to the floor. I just sat there lost at this quagmire. How would I ever figure this out?
"Here…" I heard Mayl say, feeling her body move. I looked towards her to see her passing me a tissue she got from the tissue box behind her on the toilet. "Sorry…" I felt myself blush, "I'm not… exactly a professional at this…" I awkwardly smiled. And, for the first time tonight, I saw a small smile show on Mayl's face. I folded the tissue over a couple time before placing it against the opening of the bottle and flipped it quickly to splash the tissue with a decent amount of alcohol. "This is going to sting…" I repeated again as I frowned at her. "I know…" she replied as she braced herself. I turned back to her foot and placed the alcohol bottle on the floor next to me. Without more hesitation, I started to dab the wet, folded tissue onto her cut, causing Mayl to grimace. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" I repeated as Mayl tried to control herself reflexes. "That should be good." I said as I stopped dabbing and dropped the tissue next to me, "Now just time for the band aid." I reached over to the box and removed a large band aid from inside. Taking off the thin layer, I placed the band aid vertically along the cut, covering it perfectly. "There!" I celebrated, "I should be a surgeon, but… you know… We'll see how things go." I smiled at Mayl. She giggled her same lovely giggle, making butterflies float in my stomach. I ran my hand over the band aid one more time, making sure that it was firmly sticking to her foot. "All better!" I smiled at her again as I took her leg from my bent knee and placed it lightly on the ground. "How does it feel?" I asked. "It feels a little strange, but I think it's better." She looked at me with a bit more emotion on her face.
"Alright!" I celebrated. I threw the tissue into the trash that was next to me and picked up the bottle of alcohol, careful not to spill it. "Time for your forehead, okay?" I gave her a look of compassion. She nodded her head again. I stood in front of her and used my hand to brush the hair from in front of her face. My eyes lowered to hers, and I felt myself begin to blush at how close we were. She simply looked back at me, her face lighting with another shade of red. "Um…" I began to stutter, "We need to clean your forehead. Do you want to use alcohol or just water?" I gave her the choice again for some reason. Maybe to prove that I wasn't a controlling monster. "Alcohol…" Mayl said, "We should clean it…" I shook my head and reached over her shoulder and grabbed another tissue. I repeated the steps from before, just not putting too much alcohol on this time. "We don't need that much for a smaller cut, I'd say." I spoke aloud. "Are you ready?" I asked her, holding her hair back again with my free hand. "Hm-mm." she said. "I'll be quick." I said as I quickly dabbed her cut with the moist tissue. She grimaced again because of the stinging, surely, to which I apologize. But I was loyal to my word. As soon as it began, it was over. "See? Quick and easy." The cut was cleaned from the dry blood around it. I reached into the box next to me and pulled out a small band aid. I took off the thin layer and looked back to Mayl. But I paused again. How was I going to make sure that her hair didn't get caught in the band aid when both hands were occupied with the band aid in question?
"Here, I can hold my hair." Mayl said. "Ugh… thanks…" I said, caught slightly off guard. With both my hands I aligned the band aid as best I could with the cut, placing the band aid almost perfectly. "Absolutely perfect!" I said, "At this rate I'll be promoted to brain surgeon." I joked. She chuckled, letting go of her hair and having it fall perfectly across her face. I kneeled down in front of her and took hold both of her hands—a surprise even to myself, but I was here to help her. And to make her feel better. "See? All better. Nothing to worry about, okay?" She began to smile slightly again, but I could tell her eyes were filling with tears again. "Hey, it's okay…" I stood up in front of her, "It's okay. Everything's okay."
"No… no it's not…" Mayl said between her tears, "It's a mess… Everything is a mess, and… and…"
"And we'll fix it." I replied immediately. Mayl began to cry more, "It's… it's…" Fear gripped myself again. I clearly am failing my job at trying to make her feel better. I stood there, paralyzed, watching my best friend cry. And, in that moment, I felt as though I wanted to cry. I could feel my nose start to run, and tears filled my eyes. "No, no..." I said out loud, "Come on. It's okay. There's no need to cry." I didn't know exactly what I expected to do. I wasn't going to grab her. I didn't know where to take her. I didn't know what to do. But I extended my arm. Maybe it was some desperate attempt to pretend that I knew what I was doing, but it worked. Like in the bedroom, Mayl quickly jumped from the toilet and hugged me. She wrapped her hands around my neck with such force. It seemed that she never wanted to let go. I was paralyzed at her touch. My arms were tense behind her back as I tried to understand what to do. I took a large breath, and I placed my hands on her back, returning the hug.
And I never wanted her to let go.
It pained me to hear her sniffles and tears as she cried into my shoulder. But it was these sounds that brought to me a revelation. A thought cropped into my mind that seemed like the right thing to do: let her cry. Let her get these sorrows off her chest. I can't block this flood with a dam. For what use would that do? Have this all bubble inside her until another night like this happens? This is what I must do—to hold her and let her emotions be as they are. This is how I protect her. This is how I love her. Explanations will come with time. She will tell me when she can. But right now… But right now is not a good time.
"I'm here, Mayl…" I said to her, "Cry if you need to. I'll be here to hold you. I won't let you go until you're ready." I stared at the mirror in front of me. I looked into my eyes for what seemed like minutes. I just stared at myself, holding the girl of my dreams, but the happiness I thought would come with this pleasure was anywhere but. The sound of mourning was our backdrop. The bathroom light replaced our shining full moon. The tears that dripped onto my shirt took the place of our sparkling stars bejeweling our embrace. I rubbed my hand on her back.
And there we danced. Slowly.
I bent my head down and placed a kiss in her hair. I closed my eyes and rested my cheek on her head, slowly rocking back and forth with Mayl in my arms.
"Lan…" Mayl spoke, "Oh, Lan…" Her voice was muffled by my shoulder.
"Yes, Mayl?" I whispered to her, "Do you need to do anything? Because I'll do anything for you…" I felt her pull back and look at me with those beautiful eyes. Tears were still falling down her cheeks, and I lifted my hand from her back but hesitated just short of her face. We both stared at each other as I had this dumb look on my face. My mouth was slightly agape as that fear gripped me once again. But Mayl took her arm from around my shoulder and took hold of my hand, placing it on her cheek.
"You… you're…" I stuttered. I could feel myself shaking as the words tried to escape my mouth. I couldn't look away from her eyes, and my heart longed for her once again as I saw her sad mien. Mayl brought her hand back up to her face and held my hand to her cheek, my hand feeling so warm with her touch. "Mayl… you… you…" I shook my head. The words were stuck in my throat. I wanted to say them. I just wanted to tell her. But that fear and hesitation still strangled me. Why was this so hard? Why won't it leave me be? All I could do is look into Mayl's eyes, as I've been doing for how long now. Her pain. Her suffering. Her plight. Her tired eyes looked to me with desperation. I felt those emotions that were burrowed in me before start to grow from my core. I, too, began to have tears fall from my face. My face grew hot with red. My lips quivered as I tried to enunciate my words of appreciation to her. To the girl that I would dedicate so much for.
"Lan?" she asked me. Her sweet voice was a comfort that I would dream in my sleep. A sound so wonderful that I would feel so safe with its presence. I took another breath. My eye contact with Mayl never faltering. And, with the comfort of her loving touch, I jumped…
"You mean so much to me, Mayl…" I said, "I don't want to see you in pain. I don't want to see you struggle. I want to see you happy, with that amazing smile on your face. I don't know what's happening, but I just want you to know that I want to protect you in any way I can because… because…
I love you…"
"Lan… I…" Mayl cried as she pulled me in for another tight hug, "I love you, too! I love you, too…!"
The euphoria that ran through my body hit me like a wall. I was swimming in adrenaline from the woman of my dreams—the woman of my word—telling me that she loved me. She loved me!
I pulled away from Mayl and I brought my hands up from her back to her face, cupping it. "I love you so much, Mayl…" I repeated, "I love you, and I want to make sure that you're okay, alright?" I used my fingers to brush away the tears from her face. "Oh, Lan…" Mayl replied, smiling through her tears, "You mean so much to me, too." I smiled at her, us both drowning in our tears. "You make me feel so safe…" I leaned forward, still slightly hesitant, and placed a kiss on her forehead. I looked at her once again, silence being not an issue, and I saw her eyes widen at the gesture. In a flash, her hands pulled my head towards her, and her lips crashed with mine. Her momentum pushed me back against the bathroom wall, my eyes wide as I tried to keep myself standing. After a moment of confusion, I realized what was happening. Mayl was kissing me. Mayl was kissing me. I felt her lips on mine. I felt soft lips pressing themselves against me. And, just as the moment came, it was gone.
Mayl pulled away from me. She wore a smile until she saw my face. It still must have shown my shock. She quickly let go of my neck and apologized.
"Lan… I'm so sorry," she said, "I'm so sorry, Lan! I got so wrapped up in everything… and… and…" She quickly walked out of the bathroom, limping on her left leg as she walked. I stood there, like an idiot, watching her walk out of the room. The warmth of her kiss was still on my lips, and my brain was turning. Just turning and turning. The excitement, the adrenaline—every next moment seemed to top the previous—I never thought my body could produce this much hormones. I never thought that Mayl—beautiful Mayl—would kiss me either. And that I would be standing here like moron instead of holding her and telling her that there wasn't a more amazing moment in my life—
"Mayl…" I said, coming back to my senses, the euphoria beginning to pass, "Mayl? Where did you go?" I walked out of the bathroom and looked into her bedroom. I completely forgot about the current state of her room. The room was still just as disorganized as I first found it. But she wasn't here. I quickly turned and practically ran to her living room. I saw her dark figure standing in the middle of the room. Her sobs were audible. "Mayl?" I said, slowly approaching. Her back was turned to me. "Mayl, you shouldn't have to be sorry for anything. You did nothing wrong." I continued to speak. I reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. Walking towards her front, she kept looking away from me. "Mayl, I thoroughly enjoyed your kiss. I've been wanting something like that for so long! And I'm sorry that I didn't seem interested… I was just… so shocked and taking away by it." She walked away from me, towards her small kitchen. "Mayl…" I called to her. Something in me told me not to follow. I extended my arm towards her—that seemed to be my go-to strategy tonight. It worked the last two times, maybe it'll work again, but my luck seemed to have run out. She distanced herself from me, leaning on the counter in her kitchen, not even noticing my hand.
"You shouldn't be here, Lan…" she said, her tone taking a turn for the worst. "What?" I said, confused at her words. She still faced away from me. "Mayl, I love you. And I loved the kiss you gave me. There's nothing to be upset about. I'm okay."
"Stop lying to me!" Her words bit. She turned to look at me, her face showing anything but enjoyment. I didn't understand this drastic turn. Mayl was so docile before. She was even smiling! What was going on? What is happening to her? I've never seen her like this before… She was always so strong and confident, so in control. Tonight—or, well, last night, since it was technically the next day—Mayl seemed perfectly fine. She was the funny, outgoing chef that she always was when she invited everyone over to dinner. Laughing, talking, gossiping with whomever… Always multitasking and doing way more than she can, but she takes it on with that large, beautiful smile on her face. That is nothing like the woman I see now, before me. She's scared and fragile—with the tears coming from her eyes—not even wanting to look at me. I stood there with my mouth slightly agape, trying to process how to continue.
"Why would anyone ever want someone like me…" she continued, her voice rising, "Look at me. Look at me!"
"I want you." I said, plainly.
"I'm a failure!" she said, "You don't have to lie to me anymore. Just say it to my face. Everyone's thinking it. You don't have to lie to me anymore." She turned and looked at me, tears still falling from her face.
"I'm not lying to you, Mayl…" I spoke.
"You have to be!" She quickly replied, "You can have anyone. You're so… You can do anything… You're just… Lan…!" Mayl gripped her head with her hands, "Your life is much more than me, but you still spend time with me, and speak with me… You're just doing it because you have pity. You don't care about me! Why should you care about me? I'm nothing! I'm just a waste of a person! I'm just this dilapidated mess, and I just won't get any better!" She cried more and more.
"I care so much about you, Mayl." I said, inching a bit closer to her, "I'm not lying. I'm telling the truth."
"No you don't… You can have so many better friends than me… Like that Princess, that Pride woman, she's just crazy about you. She's a princess for God's sake, and she can take you wherever you want. Or Mary. She's just so confident and sleek. You always laugh with her, and you can talk to her forever. Or Shuko? Or Jasmine? Or even Yai, she has so much money—more than I'll ever have… I'm nothing. I have nothing to give you… You should just leave, Lan. Just leave and never speak with me again, because… that'll be better for you. I won't hold you back. You won't have to pity me anymore!"
"You're my childhood friend, Mayl. Of course you have so much to offer me!" I said, "In fact, it's the other way around. You help me so much in life—" My phone went off in my pocket. It was a phone call. I stopped what I'm saying, frozen as I tried to continue talking but the noise of my phone kept prying me away. I let out an annoyed sigh as I reached in my pocket to mute my phone—it was Mary who was calling me.
"See!" Mayl pointed at me, "That's probably one of them now, calling to ask you to meet them in their rooms! They probably look so attractive and beautiful… And their room isn't a complete mess like mine. Oh… just go to them already, Lan…" Mayl looked away from me and started to limp down her hallway, letting out gasps of breath as she continued to cry.
"Just let me die!"
I gasped at her statement. "Mayl! Don't you say that!" I said, probably a little too aggressively. I dropped my phone on the floor and ran towards her, grabbing on to her shoulder as she entered her bedroom door, "I don't know what I would without you!" I turned her around, hoping that she would look at me. She tried to hide her mourning face. It seemed to me that she felt shame more than anything. She avoided my eye contact like a guilty dog, as if she realized her words—her harangue—and regretted them.
"Mayl, you have so much to offer, and you offered so much to me in my life." I said, "You helped me cook, helped me with my homework, picking out my clothes—remember that time when I didn't make the soccer team Freshman year? I was so beat up about it, but you were there for me. And you took me out for ice cream, and we sat on that break water all evening, laughing and enjoying ourselves? You remember that? And the time when I was so nervous about my driving test—" I laughed, thinking of the memory—thinking of her, "Mayl, I was so nervous over God-knows-what reason, and you gave me that little inspirational speech the night before? Right? Remember that? And there was the time when I fell of my bike when we were kids, remember? I practically broke my leg, but you were there to calm me down and get me help? Remember that?" I had both my hands on her shoulders as I just listed off more and more times.
"You are one of the most important people in my life, Mayl." I said, tears starting to pool up in my eyes again, "I want you here. I want you next to me. I want you to be a text or call away, always. I love you, Mayl. And that's not a lie. That's not a lie!" It felt like a miracle—like when the clouds part and the suns shines down after a terrible storm—when Mayl picked up her head, wiping her tears with her sleeve, and looked at me. I smiled at her, and I used one of my hands to wipe away more tears. "I love you, Mayl…" I repeated, "And right now, we… We…" I stopped. I hadn't known how to continue. What else am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do? I struggled to come up with something to say. But, in that same moment, that bike story came to my mind once again. How she kneeled next to me, holding on to my hand, caressing my cheek… We were both younger—I was crying profusely at the pain in my leg, but she looked over me and told me to breath. To breath and breath. "Help is on the way," she repeated to me. "I know it hurts, but help is on the way, Lan." Mayl continued to say to me. And the pain seemed to subside. When she whispered to me the pain seemed to dissipate for that moment. It was only now that it truly donned on me: she calmed me down. And, now, that is what is supposed to happen next. This was what I am supposed to say next.
"We just need to calm down right now, right?" I said, "We just need to calm down and take a breather, yes?" I smiled at her. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a hug. It was a risk, but a risk I was willing to take. "Just do me a favor and breath, alright?" I looked down at her. I was relieved when I felt her wrap her hands around me. "I'm here for you, Mayl… Just remember that." I said, placing a kiss on her head, "I'm here for you…"
"I'm so sorry, Lan…" She uttered to me, "I… I don't know what came over me…"
"Don't say sorry, Mayl." I said, "There's nothing to apologize for. Just breath, okay? So much has happened tonight, you know?" I paused for a moment, deciding my next words: "Phones are going off, band aids are being brought out, lights are being turned on at night—all sorts of weird stuff are happening." I chuckled. "Who turns on lights at night?" I heard Mayl say into my shoulder. "Yes!" I laughed, "Yes! Exactly!" I pulled her away from my chest and caressed her face once again. "Who does something like that? Turning on lights at night?" My heart fluttered when I saw a smile form on her face, chuckling along with my absurd joke—if it could even be called a joke. But it didn't matter to me. As long as she was smiling, for even just a moment, it was good enough for me.
"Come," I said, wrapping my arm around her and walking towards the living room, "Let's have a seat on the couch. Let's just take a seat for a sec." I made sure to walk slower than usual for Mayl, considering her limp. "I don't know about you," I said, "but I think I need to sit down for a moment." I repeated. "Just for a moment, Mayl." She nodded her head at me, clutching my hand as we walked towards the couch. I sat her down and sat down next to her, still keeping her hand in mine. "Let's just breath for a moment." I instructed yet again. I hoped at least this was helping her a little. Just get her to sit down and breath. Just to calm down for a moment. In the silence, I could hear Mayl taking deep breaths. I smiled, a large smile, and I wrapped my arm around her again, pulling her close to me. "There you go, Mayl." I chuckled, rubbing her arm.
"I'm trying, Lan…" she said to me, "But… but…" I felt her start to become tense again.
"What is it?" I asked. If this did cause her to melt down again, at least it would be in my arms on the couch rather than anywhere else.
"But there's still the mess in my room, Lan…" Her voice quivered, "And the bathroom…" I smiled at her. "Mayl, you know what the best part about messes are? They can be cleaned." I chuckled, trying to exude positivity, "And I'll be here to help you clean it up. We'll fix your room and bathroom. Don't you worry about that."
"But you shouldn't have to." Mayl replied. For some reason, I felt as though she was close to finally overcoming this episode. This seemed like such a weak response.
"I'll be here to help you, Mayl." I said, "You don't have to question that. I'll be here." I wrapped my other arm around her, hugging her. She laid her head on my shoulder and there we sat, in another moment of silence, me holding her. Hearing and feeling her breath were comforting. They were long and slow. I thought, if I waited enough, she would fall asleep in my arms. I would sit here all night, need be, of course, if that meant she would be get a night's worth of sleep. Yet an angelic sound touched my ears: Mayl started to laugh.
"Are you wearing your pajamas?" she chuckled. I chuckled along with her as I looked down at my dark figure. "How can you tell?" I asked. "I saw you in the bathroom, silly." she chuckled again, "Plus, I can feel their textures." She placed her hand on my chest, rubbing my shirt. "I had no time to change." I explained, "I came here as soon as I felt that you were in some sort of trouble."
"But how did you know that I was in trouble?" she asked, "I only called you once." I smiled slightly. "You never call me at night." I said, "And I knew that it was no accident since you should've been asleep. And I was right…"
"Lan…" Mayl tightened her grip, "I want to thank you for coming over tonight. I owe you so much. I'm in your debt, and if you need me to do anything for you, you just ask, and I'll do it."
"You owe me nothing." I replied plainly.
"I owe you something." She argued back.
"You owe me nothing." I repeated, "And you know why? Because I love you." I lowered my head and planted another kiss on her head. "You owe me nothing because just spending time with you is reward enough." I continued.
"And I love you, too, Lan…" she looked up at me, "I want you to know that. I'm sorry for not saying it so much, but I love you." I felt her pull away a little, the warmth of her eyes staring at me, although it was too dark to see her face.
"You don't have to say it if you don't mean it, Mayl." I replied, that old feeling creeping up inside of me again, "Tonight was so weird and emotional. I don't want you to say something that you don't mean. I'm not going to take advantage of you or do anything to you. I just want you safe and sound."
"I mean it, Lan." She replied, "I love you. I've loved you for so long, and yet it took so long for me to tell you." I could still feel her face looking at me. "If only it didn't have to be under something like this…"
"All that matters to me is that I heard those words from you, Mayl." I said, "It doesn't matter if they were said under the stars or under your apartment ceiling." I continued, "I want to do anything I can to make you feel better, Mayl. I don't want to see you hurt like that again. I never want to see you cry like that without being in my embrace." I felt her face lean closer to mine. "I don't want to hurt you, Mayl, you know that? I just want to make sure I don't hurt you." I said these words as if in reflex to her proximity to me. I wanted to convince her—maybe even just convince myself—that I wasn't some evil perpetrator who is taking advantage of vulnerable women.
"You'll never hurt me, Lan." Her voice was a whisper next to my face. I felt myself blush, the butterflies from before beginning to parade around my stomach. "You're the most caring person I know. You care about me so much… I don't know why… but you do… And I love you for that."
"I love you so much, Mayl, because you make me feel like myself when I'm with you. And I hope I make you feel like yourself when you're with me." I said.
"You… you make me feel more than myself…" She replied. We both sat there, inches from each other. I was scared to move even slightly. My arms paralyzed around her as much as her hand stayed glued to my chest.
"Can… can…" her sweet voice stuttered. She stopped, taking a deep breath. Her hand shook slightly on my chest.
"Yes, Mayl?" I said, "You can say anything to me. I want you to know that." I tried to be as sweet as I could.
"Can I kiss you?" Mayl built the confidence to say.
"You can kiss me anytime you want, my love…" I replied. I felt her breath in again, and then her lips slowly touched mine. It was an easy kiss—one I was prepared for—starting soft as we both discovered each other again. Soon, she gave more and more of her weight to me. And we held each other. In enthusiastic peace. My eyes were closed as I ascertained her beauty on me. Her lips were smooth and defined. A magical sensation that I had time to appreciate—not quick, over, and unfathomable like last time in the bathroom—I felt like the world was nothing. I felt like the only world was the one in my hands.
And there we held each other.
Slowly we both pulled away from each other, but we still remained close. I felt her breath on my lips—us both breathing heavily after our euphoric high.
"Everything is going to be okay…" I uttered up the confidence to say.
"Especially since you'll be by my side?" She asked me.
"I'll be holding you…" I replied, "Just like this…" Mayl leaned forward and snugged her head on my neck. I pulled her tight—something that I've done many times tonight but not ever getting used to—and kissed her again. I think I was becoming addicted to kissing her… I definitely need to limit myself. I don't want to come off perverted. You can get too much of a good thing, and I don't want to trivialize her affection. There's more to showing your affection to someone than just kissing them. You can do what I'm doing now: holding her. Listening to her. Cooking dinner with her. Taking her out. Surprising her with flowers. Telling her how much I love her—
"Lan…" I hear her utter, snapping me from my train of thought.
"Yes, Mayl?" I said.
"I'm tired…" She replied.
"Then let's get you to sleep." I said.
"But my room…" She replied, becoming a little tense.
"We'll fix that tomorrow." I said. I began to rub her arm, trying to calm her down. She didn't say anything in return. Instead, she readjusted herself on the couch. She brought her legs up and laid them over my lap. She wrapped her arms around my neck and found—what I guess was—a more comfortable place on my neck. I kept my hands around her, holding her close, acting as a guardrail to preventing her from falling away from me. I felt her take a deep breath and let it out, her breath feeling warm on my chest and neck. After that, her breathing became slow and steady. I felt her hands relax behind me, and the last of her weight was casted on me. But I didn't mind. It was nothing for me to hold her in my arms. I cradled her. And I would protect her. I stared down at her, like I was holding some precious child. There was a relief that I felt—a sensation that ran through my spine. It told me that everything was over, and I came out of this tempest with more than I walked in with. I came out with her. I came out with Mayl. Well… more like came out holding her… And I smiled once again.
I don't know what happened tonight, exactly. When we were all over for dinner, Mayl seemed perfectly fine. But, during the night, something happened that caused her to go over the edge. And I can only thank God that I somehow felt all the right feelings, thought all the right thoughts, and took the risk to drive over here this night. But it's over. It feels over, anyway. I don't know how this night would have gone if Mayl was left to her own devices… And I don't think I ever would forgive myself if I she did get hurt. But what she told me tonight… About me… About how useless she felt… I can't but think this was a deep, depressive episode. Was she jealous—envious—of me? What could drive her to think this about me? There's not another woman I would give so much for. There's not another woman whom I would ever think myself in love with… But these questions will be answered in time, when she is ready to tell me…
I looked forward, peering into the dark living room. I looked at my surroundings as if I was trying to prove myself that I was awake—that this was reality—that this all wasn't some long, complex dream sequence. I started to feel myself breath. I started to feel myself live, like I had this passive sense of my own existence. It was a weird feeling. And I thought to myself, "Is this what living is like?" It was then that I realized that the bathroom light was still on. And my phone still lied on the ground in the middle of the room, reflecting the faint light that came from the hallway. My first thought was to get up and to turn off the light, but there was an obvious obstacle in my way. I couldn't just disrupt Mayl. She hasn't moved much, and I'm sure she's fallen asleep in my arms. It's about time she was able to fall asleep peacefully. I couldn't just disrupt this. But I have no problem, either, sitting here holding her. I didn't feel sleep, however, coming on to me. I guess the excitement of the night was still surging through me…
"Agh…" I felt Mayl shiver on my lap. She pulled her legs closer to her chest, and she took her hands from around my neck and cuddled them against my chest.
"Are you cold, Mayl?" I asked, rubbing her back with my hand.
"Mmm-mm…" She mumbled, not moving an inch.
"Let me get you a blanket. Would you like that? So that you can stay warm?" I asked her.
"Mmmmmm…" she mumbled in return. I chuckled. Her eyes were closed. She's probably on the verge of a deep sleep. I put a hand under her shoulder and a hand under her knees and, as gently as I could, picked her up as I attempted to stand. It would've been an impossible task, but thankfully I was able to use my legs to help push me off the couch. Turning around, I placed her gently down on the couch, laying her down where I was sitting. Her eyes were still closed, and she barely seemed to notice me holding her for those few moments. I turned around and began to walk towards the hallway closet. I knew that was where the extra blankets and pillows were stored. I knew basically where everything was in her apartment. I've been here so many times, and it seemed to me a pillow was necessary regardless. It would be a lot more comfortable sleeping on a pillow than a plain couch.
"Wait…" I heard her voice stir behind me, "Wait." It grew louder. I immediately turned to her. She had picked herself up on the couch. She was rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
"Yes?" I said, gently, "Do you need something else."
"Stay with me…" She said, her voice still having the tone of sleep.
"I was just going to the closet to get you a blanket and probably pillow." I explained, kneeling down next to her, "And to turn off the bathroom light, too."
"No…" She replied to me, reaching her hand out to me, "I want you stay here… with me…" I reached out and took hold of her hand with both of mine, starting to understand what she was telling me. "I don't want you to go home tonight, Lan…" Her face was covered by the darkness of the living room. "Can you stay here with me? Please…?" Her voice echoed with desperation. I sat there and thought to myself. For a question like this, you think I would have a quick answer. But I hesitated. I hesitated in my reply. The "yes" was in my throat, yet there was doubt in my mind. I felt like… I felt like I was unworthy to stay here. But was there more…? How ridiculous! I love this woman! And I will do anything for her!
"You don't have to, Lan…" Her voice became stronger. She stood up more on the couch. "I'm sorry. I… I never should've asked you something so stupid. I'm sure you're tired and you're sick of me…" She pulled her hand away from me. I reach my hand out in response, but pulled it back slightly, not wanting to be too aggressive.
"Mayl, of course I will stay with you. Is that what you want?" I asked her, reaching out for her hand again. I looked at her face, her darkened face, and hoped that my appeal wouldn't fall on deaf ears. "Do you want me to stay with you?" Mayl sat silent for a moment, my hand beginning to feel cold without her grasp.
"I want you next to me…" She spoke, her voice quiet. I stood up and sat next to her on the couch, pulling her close to me. "And I'll be next to you." I replied to her, my voice quiet as well. She let herself fall on me, assuming the position we were in before I picked her up.
"I'm sorry I'm so difficult, Lan…" She said to me, "I'm really sorry…"
"Not as difficult as me…" I chuckled, "I think you now that better than anyone…" Mayl chuckled with me, yawning into my neck.
"How about you just lay down for a moment and I'll get that blanket and pillow, okay?" I said. I felt her nod her head at me, and she fell over the other way, lying down with her head next to the couch's arm. I padded her feet before upping myself from the couch and returning to the closet that I originally set out to do. I opened the closest door and walked inside the small enclosure, pulling the string to turn on the light bulb inside. I reached for the top shelf and took a blanket from the pile—a pillow was right next to it. The blanket that I pulled looked familiar to me. It was a purple quilt. Somewhat heavy but made of a fluffy fabric. The memories seemed to zap into me from its touch. This was Mayl's old quilt—the one that she used back when we were younger. We would spend hours on her bunkbed in her room. I thought it was the coolest thing! We were up so high… I thought that I was at the top of the world. Even her parents would have to look up at me when they would tell me that my parents were calling for me. And, even in the rare moments, her and I would fall asleep on her bed—us both being on opposite sides, of course… But… that will change…
I pulled the light-string and brought the pillow and blanket out to the couch. But I paused, staring at the woman lying there. She was much older than the woman I knew when we were younger. She was more mature. More beautiful. I couldn't help but smile when I kneeled down next to her again.
"Here…" I said, holding the pillow up, "Lift your head for me for a moment…" She did as she was told and I placed the pillow under her head. "This is probably more comfortable, isn't it?" I asked. "Yeah…" She replied. "And you still have your old quilt?" I asked, standing up and spreading out the blanket, ready to drape it over her. "Yeah…" She spoke, somewhat quiet, "It's my favorite… I couldn't give it away." I threw the quilt over her, ensuring that her feet were properly covered.
"How's that?" I asked her, "Still cold?" She giggled at me, snuggling into the blanket, "It's alright, I guess…" she stated, "But it would feel a lot better with you…" I blushed at her words. I, again, kneeled next to her, her head was sticking out of the blanket. I caressed her cheek with my hand, "I'll come to bed in a moment, dear…" I said, feeling like a husband, "But I'm going to turn off the bathroom light, alright? We don't want that on all night."
"And then you'll come lay down?" She asked, bringing her hand from under the blanket to touch mine.
"Of course…" I told her, "And I promise that I'm not going to leave you." I retracted my hand from her face and stood up from the couch. I turned and, before making my way back to the bathroom, picked up my phone that was still lying on the ground. I checked my phone to see that Mary had called ten times. She must've called me before to make sure that everything was okay. I proceeded to the bathroom, and I called her back.
"Lan, are you okay?" Mary instantly said over the phone.
"I'm fine, Mary… So is Mayl." I replied.
"Do you know how much you worried me? Why didn't you call me back?" She complained, "You come here all worried and afraid and then I don't hear from you and you're not answering your phone… I was about to come up there and check on you myself!"
"I appreciate your concern, Mary. But everything's okay now." I said, turning off the bathroom light, sending me into a realm of darkness, "We'll explain things later, okay? I promise. Everything is okay." I started feeling my way back to the living room.
"What? Are you staying the night there?" Mayl asked, "Are you leaving soon?"
"No… I'm going to stay the night." I said, sensing myself in front of the couch, "Listen, I have to go, okay? I promise we'll explain everything soon. But, right now, I need to go."
"Oh… alright. I understand." Mary said, "I'm just glad you guys are okay. Keep in touch, okay?"
"I will." I replied, "Goodbye…" And I hung up the call. I used the light from my screen to find the table that was next to the couch—it was next to the couch arm where Mayl layed her head—and I placed it down before kneeling next to her again.
"Mary was calling to make sure that we were alright." I explained.
There was a moment of silence between us. We couldn't see each other. The apartment was dark. But the air didn't seem tense, only lighthearted, like we both were simply taking the time to appreciate our presence. Then, I heard the Mayl shuffle on the couch and I could see a dark silhouette rise in front of my face. It appeared to me that Mayl was lifting the blanket open.
"Can you come lay with me now?" she asked me, her voice tired.
"Of course…" I smiled. I reached down and removed both my shoes, placing then next to the couch. Feeling the couch with my hand, I attempted to crawl under the blanket feet first, trying my best not to squish Mayl as I entered. But it was obvious that we both couldn't lie next to each other on the small couch. We both chuckled at each other.
"Here…" Mayl said. She lifted herself up and wrapped an arm around my chest, pulling me inwards. She took my right arm and wrapped it under her shoulder before placing her left arm under my neck and lying back down. I had more room to lie on my back because she overlapped with me; her arm wasn't uncomfortable because it resided in the crevice of the natural arc of my neck. She entangled her right leg with mine, and she laid her right arm across my chest. Finally, she laid her head next to mine on the pillow. And there we both stared at each other again, for the nth time tonight. She was so soft and sweat. I took my left hand and laid it on her shoulder.
She yawned again.
I took my left hand and pulled her head gently towards me, placing a kiss on her lips.
"I love you." I whispered to her.
"And I love you…" She whispered back.
"Sleep well, Honey…" I said, "I'll be here protecting you this night."
Mayl didn't reply. Instead, she snuggled her face with mine, placing it between my head and neck as she's done so many times tonight. After some other minute movements of her body, she fell still. Her breathing became long and steady, and I felt her body become more and more relaxed on top of me.
I simply looked up at the apartment ceiling. Sleep still had not its hold on me. The excitement of the night was still strong within me.
I don't think I will be getting any sleep.