I think this was the hardest chapter to right, especially in the second half, because everything feels out of place. Hard knowing exactly how Ryuko and Nonon would respond to this sort of thing.
...
When Satsuki and Ryuko returned to Satsuki's place, Ryuko almost immediately went to her room to sleep, leaving Satsuki to once again question what good she had even done for her sister. Part of Satsuki questioned if she she had made everything worse for alone.
Satsuki sighed, deciding it was best to let Ryuko rest even though her insecurities about not being able to do more gnawed at her.
A couple hours later, Nonon returned, greeting her by holding her hand again as she questioned where Ryuko had went.
"She is currently resting in her room. She went straight to bed when we arrived." Satsuki explained.
"Oh, I see… Sorry I couldn't offer much advice earlier… I was afraid I'd just end up upsetting both of you if I said much of anything." Nonon apologized, a bit insecurely.
"Do not trouble yourself. It is fine." Satsuki smiled a bit as Nonon sat down on the couch. "In any case, I am just glad you could stay over."
"Well, I've always loved spending nights with Satsuki-chan, but you kind of surprised me when you asked me to all of a sudden." Nonon said, feeling a bit of a blush on her face, when Satsuki sat down next to her. "Is there a reason you wanted me to stay with you or is it just..."
Satsuki averted her gaze, unable to stop the heat from rising to her cheeks. "I didn't want to cut our time short again. The truth is I…"
She trailed off into silence, feeling more uncertain and insecure than ever. It wasn't even confessing her feelings that was hard for her. She loved Nonon, she truly did, but the fear of what would be expected of her in a relationship was just too great. She couldn't risk it.
"I am sorry, Nonon. Having you stay the night was selfish of me." Satsuki murmured, sheepishly.
"No, it wasn't selfish at all… If there's something you want to tell me, then just say it." Nonon insisted.
"I just…" At feeling Nonon's soft hand on hers, Satsuki's heart ached. The truth was, she wanted this… more than anything, to be able to embrace her and call her hers, even to be able to kiss her. And yet, the prospect of it just felt all wrong. It terrified her.
Disgusting.
A voice in the back of her head reminded her all over again she wasn't clean. She had been tainted and violated. Everything about her was dirty.
She didn't deserve this. Nonon deserved far better. What was she even thinking?
Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked away. "No, it is nothing… Forget I said anything..."
Satsuki began to head out towards the door way before Nonon could even speak.
"Please excuse me as I go to prepare our room." Satsuki dismissed herself, leaving Nonon behind to wonder what could be bothering her so much. Satsuki rarely ever got like this and when she did, it was always over something pretty big.
In the end, Nonon decided not to push the matter, waiting until Satsuki was finished with whatever she needed to do. When Satsuki called her into her bedroom, Nonon picked up her bag bringing it with her.
Upon entering the room and seeing Satsuki had changed into a long sleeved nightgown, Nonon felt a light blush tinge her cheeks.
Due to the fact that Ragyo and Nonon's father had worked together transporting clothes through REVOCS with Nonon's father being the CEO of Jakuzure Transportations, Nonon had often spent nights with Satsuki from an early age, sleeping in the same bed with her and everything. And back then, when they were kids they had never thought anything of it. Even as they got older, it had always been the norm for them.
But now that Nonon's feelings were out in the open, it suddenly couldn't get any more awkward for either one of them. Satsuki herself was finding it hard to contain herself, wondering deep down if maybe this was a mistake after all.
"Erm… Feel free to place your bag anywhere you'd like, alright? I think I will go check up on Ryuko in the meantime." Satsuki murmured awkwardly, hiding a small blush of her own as she passed by Nonon to head out into the hallway.
Ryuko was staring at the ceiling when Satsuki reached her room.
"How are you feeling?" Satsuki dared to ask.
"'m fine now. Sorry… about earlier. I ruined your date."Ryuko muttered, barely above a whisper.
Satsuki felt a pang of hurt when hearing her say that.
"It is fine, really. All things considered, I had a lot of fun today. I just feel bad that you did not." Satsuki said regretfully, not even realizing she had failed to deny it was a date.
"Nah, seeing you turning into a tomato around her was more than enough fun for me. I just… started thinking of Senketsu again and I completely lost it… I don't... know if I should be here… I feel like I'm making everything worse for everybody around me. Not just you, but Mako and all the others as well. Maybe I should go away somewhere or..." Ryuko clutched at her chest where her life fiber heart was.
Satsuki didn't even have a chance to be embarrassed at the mention of her blushing because worry for Ryuko immediately consumed her, knowing exactly what she was alluding to. "You're wrong... You are one of the only reasons I keep fighting, Ryuko. If something were to happen to you… I don't think I would be able to forgive myself."
Satsuki looked down in frustration, as she received a look of surprise from Ryuko.
The younger sister smiled softly. "...You really care that much about me, huh? Funny considering just a few months ago we were fighting. Shit, feels like just yesterday."
"The way I treated you back then… and the things I did..." Satsuki said, her voice heavy. "It haunts me every day… I should have been honest with you from the start and reached out to you as an ally. Instead, I tried to use you like a pawn and hurt you. After I realized you were my sister, I…"
Without even realizing it, tears had welled up in her eyes. She was desperate and fearful that Ryuko might try to take her own life. She couldn't lose her, not like that. "I am aware I probably do not have a right to speak on this matter. After all, you would not be wrong to hate me if you wanted to… but taking your life… that is the one thing I will not allow."
"Satsuki-" Ryuko started to speak up but was pulled into an embrace as Satsuki sat next to her on the bed.
"As your older sister, I am asking you to live, Ryuko." Satsuki choked out, her shoulders trembling. "Please... I couldn't bare to lose you."
Slowly, somewhat shocked by her honesty and display of affection, Ryuko reached up to return the hug. "I won't die… I promise. I just... need some time to clear my head right now…"
"I see… I understand." Satsuki pulled away, wiping her tears. "I suppose I'll leave you alone for now…"
"Yeah, besides, I'm sure your girlfriend is getting lonely without you by her side." Ryuko smirked, caused Satsuki's cheeks to flush red.
"Ryuko-"
"Come on, Nee-san, it's obvious you like her, so just tell her already." Ryuko already knew what she was gonna say.
"If it were that simple, I would have done so already." Satsuki averted her gaze, clutching at her arm.
"...Look… I think I get what you're afraid of… It... has to do with Ragyo, doesn't it…? What she did to you… It wasn't just abuse… She…. touched you." Ryuko dared to assume after a long moment of hesitation. Part of her knew it might be a bad idea to bring it up again, but Satsuki needed to know that relationships weren't inherently a bad thing, they didn't even have to be sexual.
More importantly, she needed to understand That Nonon wasn't the type of person that would try to take advantage of her, and she needed to know that she wasn't alone. From the little bit of time she had known Satsuki, she already knew that Satsuki herself would never broach such a subject unless she was directly asked about it, it was probably too humiliating. Besides, many sexual abuse victims would hold things like that in until they eventually snapped.
At the very mention of it, tears formed in the corners of Satsuki's eyes as she looked away in shame. For a long time, she couldn't even speak. Bangs shadowed her eyes as she looked down, resisting the urge to tear her arm to pieces right then and there..
"It was..." Satsuki uttered, unmistakable fear in her voice, unable to even finish her sentence.
"Hey, it's okay, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But… not everybody is like that, you know? There are a lot of good people out there too, and Jakuzure is one of them." Ryuko said. "She's not the type of person that would do something to risk breaking your trust. She cares about you, a lot. Even I can see that. It's alright if you decide not to, I just don't want you to hold yourself back from being happy with her if it's something you want.. get what I'm sayin?"
"...Yes… Thank you, Ryuko…" Satsuki forced herself to say despite her inner turmoil.
Ryuko knew about the things Ragyo did to her now; that she had let herself be violated. Satsuki had already subconsciously convinced herself that Ryuko thought she was weak, just as she thought of herself that way, even if it couldn't be further from the truth.
So looking her in the eye now was impossible. It brought her nothing but shame and humiliation. Despite that, she felt giving some kind of response was the best option.
"I do not know if I would be capable of keeping a relationship, but... perhaps I could try once I have given it some thought…"
…
It really shouldn't have been a surprise when Satsuki found herself in the bathtub later that day again with even more lacerations on her arms than before, the once clear water beneath her dyed dark red and old cuts reopened.
Ryuko knew.
That was all she could think as nausea wholly consumed her.
She hadn't wanted anybody to ever find out about the things Ragyo had done to her. It sickened her, but also scared her. What if she told Nonon?
They would all know just how filthy she was.
Ragyo's hands traversed up and down her body, reminding her all over again of her weakness and vulnerability. She dropped the razor, clawing at her mutilated arm, upset that nothing was working to calm her nerves. Tears spilled from her eyes, wishing Ragyo's voice telling her that this was her nature would just shut up.
Lightheadedness and exhaustion suddenly began to set in, warning her that if she lost any more blood she would pass out.
Damn it…!
She cursed internally, reluctantly acknowledging that she needed to stop.
...
When Satsuki returned to the bedroom, Nonon had already fallen asleep, sprawled out over the bed. Satsuki smiled tenderly as she picked her up bridal style to move her over. Nonon was lightweight so it an easy feat to accomplish.
Picking up the near by blanket, she spread it over her, before lying down next to the smaller girl and sharing the covers.
Looking at the peaceful expression on Nonon's sleeping face, Satsuki felt her heart flutter a bit. Unable to resist the urge, she reached up and cleared some lose strands of hair out from in front of her eyes, briefly caressing her cheek and allowing herself to take in the softness of her skin.
Within minutes she caught herself in the act again. What was she doing?
She cursed her wandering hand, pulling away in frustration as she remembered all the times Ragyo had touched her. It didn't take her long to convince herself that she was becoming no better than her. It was wrong of her to have these feelings, it was wrong to want to embrace her; to want to kiss her and call her hers. Such thoughts were impure.
And yet she couldn't stop them. She loved Nonon more than she could even understand.
"Satsuki-chan…? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" A soft hand on her face interrupted her thoughts, wiping away tears which she had barely processed were falling. Blue eyes met worried pink ones.
"Sorry, Nonon. I didn't mean to wake you…" Satsuki said, feeling guilty for getting her worried.
"No, it's fine. But if there's something bothering you, you can trust me. You know that, right?" Nonon encouraged her to talk.
Satsuki gently took her hand into her own, even more tears spilling out than before.
"I am fine. You needn't worry about me." she intertwined their fingers without even thinking about it. "Let us get some rest, alright?"
Nonon could tell she wasn't okay, and pretended not to notice the bandages peeking out from her sleeves. Instead of asking about it she curled up closer to her.
"Can you hold me?" She blushed a bit. "Like Satsuki-chan used to..."
Satsuki's face flushed a bit in response at the reference to their childhood years before smiling and doing as asked.
"Of course…" She wrapped her arm around Nonon, pulling her closer. Nonon rested her head against Satsuki's chest, taking in her scent and slowly drifting back off to sleep.
Satsuki melted in her warmth, barely resisting the urge to kiss her on the top of the head. Being like this with her, holding her in her arms… it felt right - wonderful even.
Reaching up, despite the voice in the back of her head telling her it was wrong of her to want this, she couldn't stop herself from combing a few fingers through Nonon's hair which for once was down and loosely hanging over her shoulders instead of tied up in a hat. Nonon's relaxed expression, barely visible in the dim light, completely captured Satsuki's heart. She was gorgeous.
Her embarrassing last thought got cut short when she heard light footsteps in the doorway.
She looked behind her to see it was Ryuko, who was holding a pillow and a blanket.
"Ryuko? What is it?" Satsuki whispered, secretly grateful for the distraction.
"I… I started thinking about Senketsu again and I didn't want to be alone right now, but it's fine, whatever. I'll just go back to my room if you don't want me here." Ryuko said sheepishly.
The truth was Ryuko had gotten so used to sleeping next to Mako and with other people that sleeping alone at night wasn't comfortable to her at all.
"No, it's alright." Satsuki said, feeling guilty at the idea of pushing her sister away when she needed her. "Come here."
"You mean you're really okay with it?" Ryuko asked uncertainly, not failing to notice how close Satsuki was holding Nonon.
"Yes." Satsuki nodded. "Just make sure you keep your voice down so you don't wake up Nonon."
"Alright." Ryuko hesitantly moved into the bed behind her, facing her back towards her.
Satsuki felt a bit claustrophobic now that she was sandwiched in between them, but knowing this was what Ryuko needed right now made it easier to deal with and put her mind more at ease.
Ryuko clearly didn't want to be alone, and Satsuki didn't have the heart to turn her away.
Besides, remembering Nonon was here with her well allowed her to rid herself of any initial uneasiness she had felt about it. Before she realized it, she found herself drifting off to sleep.
…
Unfortunately Satsuki's nightmares that night were back in full force, causing her to wake up the next morning, gasping for air all over again. Accidentally waking up Nonon and Ryuko in the process, she stumbled to the bathroom to throw up all over again.
Nonon and Ryuko had followed behind out of concern.
"Satsuki-chan-" Nonon started to speak, reaching out to touch her shoulder out of concern.
"Do not touch me!" Satsuki instinctively pulled away, curling in on herself and not even really processing who it was. Her lungs suddenly constricted, and she could hardly breathe, her vision becoming foggy.
The hands. Her hands. They were touching her again. Ragyo, she-
Another wave of nausea hit her like bricks, causing her to vomit nothing but stomach bile, burning her throat in the process.
Tears fell from her eyes after that and all she could do was break down into choked sobs.
Nonon and Ryuko watched helplessly as Satsuki completely fell to pieces. It was only then that Ryuko happened to notice both bandages on Satsuki's arm. Last she knew, Satsuki only had one, so when did she get a new injury? More importantly how?
Shit, that wasn't important right now.
"Satsuki, hey... Ragyo's not here anymore. You're safe now. You just gotta calm down and talk to us, alright?" Ryuko tried to console her, despite her insecurities. She wasn't used to being in such a position, but if it got Satsuki to calm down then she didn't have a choice and would push past everything fiber of pride in her entire being if only to see her normal again. Slowly she started reminding Satsuki to take slow breaths, following Barazo's example. Eventually, after what felt like forever, it worked.
Satsuki was no longer panicking but she looked drained, barely speaking just like the other morning.
"I'm sorry..." She murmured beneath her recently recovered breath.
"No, don't say sorry, you were scared and that's okay." Nonon said softly; understandingly, as she held onto Satsuki's hand. "I'm just glad you're alright now… Listen, I'll go make some tea for you to drink, alright? You always liked that."
Satsuki didn't respond, feeling guilt and frustration for putting them through all this trouble over a disgusting mental breakdown. Why did they keep having to see her like this? All she was doing was making everything worse for everybody around her. Even Nonon this time. What made matters even worse was that this was completely counterproductive to Ryuko's own recovery.
After a moment of getting no response, Nonon sighed painfully before clearing her thoughts and heading to the kitchen. Based off Ryuko's mention of Ragyo, this wasn't the first time Satsuki had gotten like that. Despite her desire to question it, however, she decided it would have to wait. Satsuki still needed more time to calm down.
Ryuko stayed behind with Satsuki, who hadn't budged an inch. Briefly she wondered if she should ask about the bandages on her arms again or not. Something deep in her gut told her she should, but Satsuki clearly wasn't in any state of mind to discuss it so the priority was letting her calm down.
"Nee-san, I think you should get off the floor… Come here." Hesitantly she took her by the hand, attempting to pull her up. Satsuki refused to budge.
"No, if you wouldn't mind, I need to get changed." Satsuki mumbled.
"Oh, yeah, right. Well... Just call for me if you need something, Nee-san." Ryuko said, as she got up, a bit disparaged when Satsuki said nothing. She looked detached.
Ryuko sighed, but left her alone, heading after Nonon, who was currently sifting through some dishes in the cabinet. However, before she could reach her destination, the phone rang.
Her first thought was that it might be Mako.
"Hello?"
"Oh, Ryuko-chan, it's you. Is Satsuki-chan with you?"
Surprisingly enough, it was Sukuyo.
"Oba-san, I thought Mako had called for a second. And Nee-san is in the bathroom right now… Why do you ask?
Nonon had heard the phone and came out of the kitchen to pick it up. At hearing Satsuki mentioned, her interest was immediately peaked.
"Well… Erm… How should I put this… You know the bandages she has on her arm?"
"Yeah apparently she has another one now. I didn't know until a short while ago. I tried asking her about the first one the other day and she told me it was from some fight, but the way she acted about it didn't sit well with me. She was really evasive about giving me many details. But now that both of her arms are bandages, I don't think that's it. There's nothing she could have done that..." Ryuko trailed off into silence to question if maybe she had missed something. She admittedly hadn't been with her 24/7, after all.
"This is gonna be hard to process, so I need you to stay calm. Both my husband and I believe the wounds her arm could be self-harm related. I spoke to Satsuki-chan for a few minutes before you two left and her response about it furthers my suspicion. Also… Mako… she found one of her razors broken in the bathroom earlier. One of the blades had been torn out by force. That sort of thing... it doesn't happen on accident."
Self-harm? You've gotta be joking.
At hearing that, tears welled up in Nonon's eyes.
"Hey wait, Jakuzure…!" Ryuko started to say but Nonon had already stormed off to the bathroom. "Shit… Thanks for telling me about this, Oba-san. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Hold on a second before you go, Ryuko-chan."
"What is it?" Ryuko asked at hearing her name.
"If what we think is right… that sort of habit… it doesn't go away by itself. Barazo and I were talking and we think it would be best if she stayed somewhere where a doctor could keep an eye on her. Like either a hospital, or she could stay with us if she's willing to..."
"I got it. We'll figure something out, alright? I doubt Satsuki would want to want to be in a hospital right now, anyways, so staying with you guys would probably be the best option. Anyway, I'll call back to let you know what she decides." Ryuko smiled a bit before before hanging up, and running after Nonon.
…
Satsuki had just finished getting dressed when Nonon approached her, tears in her eyes.
Satsuki didn't even have time to process it before Nonon reached out and tightly grabbed her hand.
"What are you doing, Nonon? Let go." Satsuki attempted to pull away in response. Unfortunately for her, it was too late.
"I'm sorry, Satsuki-chan, but I need to see your arm." Nonon hadn't even hesitated to pull back her sleeve and bandages, revealing the irreparable damage that had been done to her arm.
Nonon gasped in disbelief at the sight.
So many angry gashes and cuts. Her beautiful skin… destroyed…
"So she was right, after all. Shit..." She choked out a sob, before hugging her. "Why...?"
Satsuki felt her heart tear to pieces at seeing the girl she loved crying because of her. It hurt more than she could bear.
She looked down, hair falling in her face, her expression filled with guilt at having been found out. Ryuko showed up at that same moment to see the lacerations on her arm, but neither one of them payed her much mind.
"...I'm sorry… Nonon." Satsuki struggled to speak, tears in her own eyes. She had never once felt worse in her life than being the one to blame for making Nonon cry. She hesitantly stroked her on the head. "I didn't want to concern you. It was my problem to deal with so I saw no reason to involve anybody else is all. Just a trivial matter and nothing more."
"Like hell it is." Ryuko retorted, a bit harsher than intended. "You've literally torn your arms to pieces, Satsuki. That's not just a trivial matter! Why would you do something like that...?"
"It is none of your concern… I just…" Satsuki couldn't even say it.
Suddenly, the realization dawned on Ryuko. "Does it... have to do with Ragyo as well?"
At the single mention of Ragyo's name, Satsuki jerked a bit, before becoming noticeably tenser. Nonon looked up at her to see her reaction.
"...Perhaps, among many other things, but as I have said before, it doesn't matter…" Satsuki muttered, avoiding eye contact.
"How can you even say that…?" Nonon cried out, her voice cracking. "How many times do I have to tell you that you can trust me…? If you were feeling this way, you could have come and talked to me…. You know… that you're not alone, right…?" Nonon knew she probably hadn't handled this well at all, but she didn't care. She couldn't stop crying.
"Nonon-" Satsuki opened her mouth to speak but before she could continue, Nonon reached out and hugged her. Satsuki froze at first in response, startled by the gesture but almost immediately found herself relaxed enough to return it, melting into her embrace and warmth. If only a little, the pain in her heart began to ease. Unfortunately, it soon began to increase again tenfold with the guilt she was feeling for hurting Nonon so badly.
As she watched Nonon sobbing against Satsuki, Ryuko was immediately reminded of Mako. Even though they were different in many ways, Nonon loved Satsuki more than anything. It was so obvious it was almost painful to watch. She was afraid of losing her, and didn't know how else to handle what she was feeling. Ryuko herself wasn't any happier about the whole situation but somehow she had managed to stay calm on the overall.
"Look, you two… Why don't we go and sit down somewhere?" She suggested. "We can talk about this there."
"Ah…" Satsuki uttered, suddenly feeling small and without much say so in the matter.
"Yeah, let's go to the kitchen, okay? I'll finish up your tea so that way you can relax a bit first." Nonon wiped her eyes, sniffling a bit, before softly pulling Satsuki by her hand towards the kitchen.
…
"This tea is delicious. I appreciate you making it for me." Satsuki hummed in delight as she took a sip from the cup Nonon had given her. She was sitting at the table next to Ryuko.
Nonon had made a decent batch so there was enough for her and Ryuko as well which she offered. If under a different situation Ryuko might have found a way to tease Nonon about it but she didn't have the heart to.
Nonon blushed at the compliment Satsuki gave her. She wasn't an expert on making tea so she was happy it was so well received.
"It's no problem. I'm glad you like it. I wanted to do something to help you feel better, and I knew you liked tea, so I…" Nonon trailed off into silence, a bit nervous.
Satsuki knew what she wanted to say, stroking her on the head as she gave a pain filled smile. "Yes… this really means a lot to me… Thank you, Nonon…"
Truthfully, she couldn't help but feel her self loathing having increased tenfold and both Ryuko and Nonon could see it in her eyes, just how much she was struggling to keep up appearances even after her injuries had been discovered.
Slowly Satsuki finished her tea.
"Satsuki-chan…?" Nonon murmured, catching Satsuki's attention.
"Hm?"
"I'm sorry… about earlier... I shouldn't have gotten so upset with you. it just… really scared me… seeing all those injuries on your arms… I don't want to lose you…" Nonon looked down at her hands, fidgeting a bit.
"It's alright," Satsuki said, with a small painful smile. "I know what you were trying to say, but... I need this… I am well aware it's not healthy, but it is the only thing that helps. I can't just stop..."
Ryuko and Nonon grew disparaged at hearing that, an uncomfortable silence settling between them.
"Listen… Nee-san… About the stuff with Ragyo… What she did to you..." Ryuko finally decided to take initiative, sick of the silence. "I won't force you to talk about something you're not comfortable with, but I really think you should tell her about it."
Perhaps that was part of the reason Ryuko was calmer than Nonon about this, she more or less had an idea of why Satsuki had been cutting herself. All of this had been thrown on Nonon, meanwhile, without a single moment to truly process it.
Nonon looked towards Ryuko at the mention and then at Satsuki.
"I will not. She does not need to know about that. Nobody does." Satsuki replied stubbornly, making her stance clear. Her voiced cracked at the end of her sentence.
Ryuko became frustrated at her response, but understood. The choice to come out to Nonon about something like that - That choice should be Satsuki's and nobody else's. After all, that choice might be the only thing that hadn't been stolen from her.
"What are you talking about? What is it that Ragyo did to you…?" Nonon asked in concern, taking her hand into her own when she noticed her starting to fidget with her bandages.
Satsuki tensed up at the gesture, suddenly feeling vulnerable. She looked up briefly, her beautiful blue eyes glistening with unshed tears as she met Nonon's. She considered, if only for a moment, telling her that which she had never spoken of to anybody else outside of confirming Ryuko's suspicions, but almost as soon as the thought hit her, she bit her lip, averting her gaze. "It is nothing to concern yourself over."
"Satsuki-chan-" Nonon uttered, intertwining their fingers, uncertain what to do and wishing more than anything she knew what it was that was causing Satsuki this much pain that she would even turn her blade on herself like this.
"Please, Nonon…!" Heat flushed Satsuki's face in frustration, pleading for Nonon to drop it. Nonon and Ryuko jumped a bit at the suddenly display. "Just drop it… It is something I can never speak of to anybody. It is simply too humiliating…"
Satsuki's mind was spiraling in a thousand different directions, overthinking the numerous possibilities that could come of telling her the truth.
Nonon knew at this point pushing her to open up about it would only upset her more. That was the last thing she wanted to do, yet a feeling of guilt weighed on her. Maybe if she had tried harder to reach out to Satsuki and actually be there for her, then it wouldn't have gotten this far. Was this a result of her negligence? If she had payed closer attention, then…
"...You didn't have these wounds the other day… Did I… by chance do something that upset you…? If I had known-"
"No, of course not…!" Satsuki immediately insisted, pulling her into a hug. She couldn't stand hearing her blame herself. "None of this is your fault, Nonon. I just... became overwhelmed by some memories of the past, and it has happened several times since then… I'm sorry… For worrying you. Both of you."
Nonon returned the embrace, wrapping her arms around Satsuki's neck. "Well, whatever the case. I'm sure we can work something out, together. Until you get better, I'm staying with you. I won't ever leave Satsuki-chan's side."
Satsuki was surprised at first but gave a small smile in response.
"Oh, that reminds me, there's something we should probably talk about." Ryuko chimed in. She wasn't sure if she should bring it up now, but went through with it in the end. "Mako's mom offered you to stay with us for a while so there'd be a doctor around just in case… you know... They wanted to avoid sending you to a hospital if they could help it and I doubt you'd want to go to one anyway. I guess she can come along as well if she wants. They'll practically welcome anybody."
"I understand..." Satsuki said after taking a second to process it. Most people with this sort of problem would have been institutionalized with or without consent, so the fact that she had a second option right now was more than enough reason to accept… She was in no position to complain about it. Come to think of it, Sukuyo must have also been the one who told Ryuko and Nonon to check her arms. "I am fine with that… It is about time you returned home, anyways, right...?"
"So wait, we're gonna staying at the underachiever's house now? Great." Nonon asked, with little enthusiasm. "Well, I guess it's better than some hospital at least. So when are we going?"
"A few hours perhaps and I shall be ready. I need to prepare first." Satsuki said, getting up.
"Gotcha." Ryuko said, a bit surprised Satsuki was so cooperative about it. She then gave a downcast look. In truth, she wanted to say so much more, to tell her she could rely on her and others more, and yet, after remembering how much worry her own recent appetite had been causing everybody around her, she couldn't bring herself to say much of anything without feeling like a complete hypocrite. Seeing Nonon crying had reminded her of Mako and how worried Mako had been over her not eating well enough.
Suddenly she felt helpless. How could she possibly help Satsuki if she herself was no better off?
…
A/N: As I said at the start. This chapter was kinda all over the place, cuz it's hard to all always know how to respond in a situation like this. But I hope somebody enjoyed it. It was really hard knowing exactly how to write the second half of this, or how Ryuko and Nonon would handle Satsuki in such a position. Having Nonon just act instead of beating around the bush just felt right to me. Ryuko can be really brash but I feel like she might stay calmer than Nonon over something like this, especially if she had idea what was making Satsuki do it. She's still just as worried but a part of her doesn't entirely feel she has a right to say much cuz of her own problems.