Satsuki, Nonon and Ryuko returned to the Mankanshoku's later that evening around 6. Ryuko was immediately greeted by a bear hug, courtesy of Mako.
"Ohh, Jakuzure-senpai is here too? You should have told us she was coming over, Ryuko-chan. I'll go get the room prepared!" Mako said excitedly, running off upstairs.
Satsuki then looked at Sukuyo with a bit of guilt in her face, worried about what she might say. Barazo was standing next to her.
"Before you three go upstairs, can we talk to you?" Barazo asked. "We've already spoken with Mako about this so she knows what's going on."
Nonon reached up to hold Satsuki's hand, fully aware that she still wasn't all that comfortable about this situation. And who could blame her? The only other option she had been given was to be stuck behind four white walls in a hospital. At least here she had people around her that she was somewhat familiar with.
"After talking it over, we've decided it would probably be best if somebody stayed with you at all times, whether it be while taking baths, sleeping, etc. It doesn't matter who it is but somebody will have to keep an eye on you... Hell, even Sukuyo here can stay with you sometimes if you need her too." Barazo smiled, trying to be reasonable. As a doctor, however, he simply couldn't allow an accidental suicide under his watch from a habit like self harm, not if he could help it.
A young girl like her should be living her life out like a normal teenager her own age, not playing around with her life like this.
"I understand…" Satsuki barely acknowledged what he was saying. Even though she didn't like it, she had no choice in the matter. It would be no different from a psychological institution. And yet… taking a bath with another person present. The idea of it terrified her.
"You girls are okay with keeping an eye on her, aren't you?" Barazo asked, looking at Nonon and Ryuko.
"Of course, I'll always stay by Satsuki-chan's side no matter what." Nonon didn't even hesitate.
"Yeah. You can count on us." Ryuko grinned a bit, but didn't say anything more, still not certain if this was a good idea or not. Even if it wasn't, what other choice did they have? They couldn't just let Satsuki continue cutting herself.
"Glad to hear it. By the way, Satsuki-chan, do you mind if I take a look at your arms?" Barazo asked. "I'll rebandage them afterwards, but I need to know what the damage is I'm working with. I also have some ointment that'll help them heal faster if you're interested."
Much to his relief, Satsuki agreed to it and Sukuyo and Nonon stayed with them as he redressed her wounds while Ryuko went upstairs to talk to Mako.
"Woah, kid, you've done quite the damage here. But I'm sure we can get you fixed up real fast." Barazo noted lightheartedly after he had removed her old bandage wraps. He had grabbed some ointment and more bandage wraps as well as some butterfly bandages, feeling they would be a more desired alternative to stitches, just in case some of the wounds were worse than others.
Sure enough, the lacerations covering Satsuki's arm would no doubt cause severe scarring, but this was one of the worst cases he'd seen of self harming so far. It was a good thing it had been caught as soon as it was or cutting any deeper could have resulted in possible nerve damage or something far worse.
They could see, just by looking at the slashes on her arm, the anger and frustration that had been channeled out into each and every one of them. Who knew how long she had been suffering with the thoughts and feelings that had eventually led to it?
Nonon once again mentally kicked herself for not having really recognized the signs. If she had known Satsuki was at a risk of doing something like this, she would have tried harder to talk to her before it got that far.
It hurt so much, knowing Satsuki felt this alone that instead of coming to talk to her about it, she just took it out on herself. She was trying to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders all over again just like back in elementary school.
As Satsuki's so-called best friend, Nonon was sure this made her made her look inadequate. Despite her regrets, however, she knew that, right now, the only option she had was to keep holding Satsuki's hand, like she always had. They would get through this together.
"There we go. All done." Barazo smiled as he finished patching up her arms.
"Thank you." Satsuki murmured, feeling bad for putting them through all this trouble.
"It's no problem. I'm glad to help." Barazo responded with ease.
"Now… why don't you two girls head upstairs, okay? I should have dinner ready in a little while, so let Ryuko-chan and Mako know, alright?" Sukuyo encouraged them. "And, Satsuki-chan... Just know we're always here for you, dear... If there's something bothering you don't hesitate to come to one of us, okay?"
Even though she heard her words, Satsuki didn't respond. She almost looked detached right now.
"Thank you so much, Oba-san..." Nonon took the initiative for her, before pulling her along. "Come on, Satsuki-chan."
When they reached Mako's room, Mako had laid out two futons because the bed wasn't big enough to be shared between four people.
"Hey." Ryuko offered Satsuki a grin but she unfortunately only received a blank stare in return. Suddenly she felt a little awkward. "So um anyway, there's not enough room on the bed for all of us so we were thinking-"
"Ryuko-chan and I can sleep on the floor!" Mako interrupted.
"No, please… do not trouble yourselves for my sake. I have already caused enough problems as it is." Satsuki muttered.
"Don't say that…" Nonon scolded her lightly.
"Yeah, it's no problem at all. Mako and I used to sleep on the floor all the time, so we're totally fine with it.."
"No, I insist. I will take the futon. You three can sleep on the bed." Satsuki placed her bag next to the futon.
"Well, I'm sleeping where Satsuki-chan sleeps. So if she's sleeping on the floor, then so am I." Nonon said, stubbornly.
"Nonon…" Satsuki murmured, unable to protest in the end. The truth was a part of her liked the idea of sleeping with Nonon more often, regularly even, but such a desire felt selfish to her. She reached up and stroked her on the head. "I see. If that is really what you want to do then I won't stop you."
Nonon blushed a bit at the contact, before moving to place her bags next to Satsuki's.
It wasn't much longer before Matoro came up and called everybody down for dinner. Upon sitting down at the table, Ryuko forced herself to eat several croquettes, much to Mako and Satsuki's relief. Even though it didn't settle well on her stomach, she wanted to keep attention off of herself for right now. The guilt for worrying everybody over it starting to catch up with her. There had also been the dizzy spell yesterday, which was concerning in itself.
In the meantime, as Ryuko and Mako ate Matoro made a bad attempt at flirting with Nonon, only to be shot down instantaneously.
"Look, kid, I've already got somebody I like and that's Satsuki-sama. Besides, no offense, but you're way too young for me. Aren't you in elementary school or something?" Nonon scoffed, catching Satsuki's attention.
"Wait, you're into other girls?" Matoro rose an eyebrow. Ryuko and Mako weren't the only ones then.
"Yeah, why? You got a problem with that?" Nonon asked defensively.
"No, not really. Nee-san is into girls too, so I was just kinda surprised is all. Are you two dating then?" Matoro asked, all too curious.
Well, no. The thing is… Satsuki-sama… she doesn't feel the same way as me. I got turned down." Nonon murmured weakly.
It wasn't something she really liked talking about, but there no reason to hide it. And in front of Satsuki, she couldn't deny it even if she wanted to.
Satsuki blushed a bit at the mention, looking away as she felt several eyes on her.
"Oh. Must be rough." Matoro uttered, before looking at Satsuki. "So… does that mean you're into guys, or-"
Ryuko stopped him immediately, not liking where this was progressing. It wasn't that she didn't think Satsuki could handle it herself if it got too far, but it was best to stop it sooner than later. "I think you've asked them enough, Matoro. Just eat your food and leave them alone already."
"Alright, fine. Geez, I was just curious." Matoro muttered, bitterly.
After that, the conversation was dropped and not brought up again. However, due to the topic getting broached in the first place in front of so many people, Satsuki and Nonon were finding it hard to face each other.
Truthfully, Ryuko wished Satsuki would just be honest about her feelings, but she knew there was no easy way around the situation, so she couldn't bring herself to say anything.
After they finished their food, Satsuki approached Sukuyo awkwardly, letting the others go ahead to the room. "Would you mind if I helped you clean? It is the least I could offer to thank you for your hospitality."
"Oh, there's really no need for that, I promise, just go ahead and make yourself right at home, okay, honey?" Sukuyo spoke softly, placing a hand on Satsuki's shoulder. She wanted to let Satsuki know she had a family that was here for her. She needed to know she wasn't alone.
"I appreciate it… but even so, I… want to help you." Satsuki insisted. Sukuyo could see the desperation in her eyes. She would feel bad about herself if she didn't help.
"Well, if you're really sure about it, I suppose I could use a little help with washing the dishes." Sukuyo pointed out.
"I see. You can leave it to me." Satsuki smiled politely, before heading over to the sink where the dirty dishes and utensils had been placed beside. Filling the sink with clean soapy water, she placed the dishes into it, after which she grabbed a nearby rag and started scrubbing in silence all the while trying her best to avoid getting her bandaged arms wet.
It wasn't until her hand brushed across a large knife that she found herself coming to a pause. She picked it up and scanned it over, part of her mind already shutting down. Fortunately, Sukuyo gently took the knife away from her before she could do anything with it, snapping her out of her thoughts.
Sukuyo quickly washed it up and rinsed it in the sink, placing it in the dish drainer to get it away from her.
"So, Satsuki-chan… About Nonon-chan, do you… like her?" Sukuyo asked, in an attempt to distract her. "I know she said you turned her down, but I got the feeling from the way you were acting about it that there was more to it than that. I'll understand if you don't want to talk about it."
"It's… not that I don't return her feelings. I'm just... afraid is all." Satsuki said in a low voice.
"Afraid of what, dear...?" Sukuyo wanted to know.
All of sudden, the urge hit Satsuki to trust her. To tell her everything. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes. "...It's Ragyo… she… She did things to me… Things that no mother should even think of... I... I'm sorry..."
Her chest constricted, as the words left her mouth. Instant regret consumed her mind. She shouldn't have said anything. What was she thinking? Sukuyo would think she was disgusting.
"No, no, you don't need to apologize... I understand, shh, it's okay… you don't have to finish. I'm so sorry you had to go through that... No child deserves to be treated that way, especially not by their own mother. I can only imagine how scared you must have been… but you're safe now. You know that, right?"
"Yes…" Satsuki said despite the hesitation she felt about it.
"Is that… why you've been cutting yourself?" Sukuyo wanted to know.
"Yes. At least part of it… it helps… with the memories…" Satsuki looked down at her arms.
Sukuyo then said the only thing she could think to at this point without the risk of overwhelming Satsuki more than she already had.
"I know I told you this earlier, but I'm completely serious. If you ever need somebody to talk to when you feel that way, you have people here that would be willing to listen, myself included. You're not alone in this."
Satsuki felt the corners of her lips curve a bit at hearing that. Mako had basically told her the same thing.
"...It's funny. I can see where your daughter gets her personality from. She's a lot like you." Satsuki noted.
"She is? Oh, I hadn't realized. Well, I do try my best." Sukuyo said with modesty.
Satsuki couldn't help but chuckle in response.
"I think you've done a wonderful job. With Ryuko as well." Satsuki acknowledged.
"Tell me. Have you ever considered having children one day, Satsuki-chan?" Sukuyo asked out of curiosity.
"No, I mean… Nonon is the one I like, so she and I couldn't possibly…" Satsuki trailed off into silence, realizing she had slipped up on admitting her feelings for Nonon again.
Fortunately Sukuyo didn't tease her over it or anything. It wasn't like she didn't already know.
"Well, you know adoption is always an option. I can guarantee you there'd be lots of children out there that would love to have a home with two caring mothers." Sukuyo said.
A caring mother.
Satsuki pondered it, before a sense of discomfort settled in her stomach.
The opposite of what Ragyo was to me.
"I'm not so sure… that I would be suited for such a title. Because of that woman , I…"
Her hand twitched and she was unable to stop herself from reaching towards her bandages. Fortunately Sukuyo caught her hand and stopped her just in time.
"She stole everything from me..." Satsuki felt tears welling up in her eyes, allowing Sukuyo to gently pull her into a hug. Satsuki immediately melted in the embrace. This woman… more than anybody else, she was what a mother was supposed to be like.
"Shh. I know. I know, sweetheart. I can tell you're in a lot of pain right now, and you have every right to be. Just let it out, okay? There's no need to hold anything back." Sukuyo rubbed circles into her back in an attempt to calm her down. It was at that point that something inside of Satsuki just… snapped, the desire for something she had always wanted down deep hitting her full force, and she couldn't stop crying.
Reaching up, she hesitantly wrapped her arms around Sukuyo's waist line, returning the hug.
Her voice cracked amongst sobs, barely above a whisper: "Thank you… so much… I'm sorry for causing you all so much trouble…"
"Aww, it's okay..." Sukuyo smiled. "I really don't mind it at all. And I think Satsuki-chan would make a wonderful mother. Even if you don't see it in yourself right now, you're kind and you have a good heart too. Sure, you have some things to work through first, but it's all alright because I know you'll get there eventually. I believe in you… One day you'll look back on your scars and realize just how strong you were. You're a survivor , so I want you to be proud of that."
"A survivor…" Satsuki uttered. "Yes… but even so... the things I've done, they were-"
"Shh. Now, what was it I told you the other day, hm?" Sukuyo interrupted, stubbornly refusing to allow her to find a reason to hate herself. She pulled back to look Satsuki in the eyes.
"You told me… that I should listen to my elders…" Satsuki felt her face heat up in shame, feeling like she had done something wrong.
"Well of course that's important, but I meant the other thing, remember? I told you that having regrets are fine but you can't let it stop you from moving forward."
"Mn." Satsuki uttered, still uncertain if she deserved the right to move forward.
"Now look at me… This pain you're feeling right now - I promise it will pass with time. But remember... you have to work with me, Satsuki-chan, and come to one of us instead of hurting yourself. If something bad happened to you, there are so many people that would be hurt by it…"
Satsuki averted her gaze. "...I almost feel like it would be the opposite, that I've been making everything worse for those around me. Perhaps I should just check myself into a hospital, after all… Would it not be better for you and your family? Ryuko and Nonon as well, I..." Satsuki muttered, without even knowing where the words were coming from.
"No... Now none of that… We're all glad to have you staying with us." Sukuyo soothed.
"That's right… There's nobody in this world that makes me happier than Satsuki-chan… I couldn't bare to lose you."
"Nonon…!" Satsuki jumped a bit at hearing Nonon's voice. She turned with hesitation to look at the pink haired girl standing near by. She immediately averted her gaze, feeling humiliated. "How much… did you hear?"
"I heard most of it… About Ragyo-oba-sama, and me…" Nonon said cautiously, not wanting to upset her. Based on the implications of their conversation, Ragyo's relations with Satsuki had went beyond just abuse and it made sense now why Satsuki had rejected her even if she returned her feelings.
"I see." Satsuki glared at the floor.
"It's okay. I understand… why you didn't tell me you liked me back. You were afraid that I would try to do something to you like she did. I get it..." Nonon approached her with caution.
"Nonon…-" Satsuki flinched as the shorter girl reached up towards her face, feeling more vulnerable than ever. Even though it wasn't rational, she couldn't stop the instinctual fear created by years of sexual abuse from hitting her like a ton of bricks. What if Nonon tried something? What if she-
Small arms pulled her down into a gentle embrace.
"But I don't care about all of that other stuff. As long as I can hold Satsuki-chan's hand like I always have, and sometimes hug you when you're okay with it, that's all that matters to me… So if you're not comfortable with things like sex or even kissing yet, even if you never are, I'm fine with that because I'll always love you, and I'll continue to love you, with or without any of that."
Tears reformed in Satsuki's eyes all over again, as she reached up to return Nonon's hug. She had never wanted her or anybody else to find out about that. It scared her. And yet Nonon had accepted anyway, despite finding out the truth.
No matter what they went through together, ever since they were kids Nonon never once thought to leave her side.
"You don't need any dumb sand! I'll hold your hand! Forever and ever!"
Nonon had said that to her in elementary school, and, back then, the weight behind her words and promise hadn't truly sunk in, but now, since they had gotten older, the trust Nonon had earned from her was unrivaled.
Trust, however, was still a fragile thing for Satsuki; easily broken, but something inside her genuinely wanted to confide in the smaller girl, and believe that, with her, everything would be okay.
"Nonon, I…" Satsuki struggled to find her voice. "I want the same thing as you do, to hold you and call you mine... I want that so much it hurts. I am sorry for not telling you sooner… I was afraid that you would want things from me which I wouldn't be capable of offering… You deserve somebody who can satisfy you in a relationship. I don't think I can be that person. Somebody who can't put out … You would surely get sick of me."
"You're wrong." Nonon insisted. "I told you before, and I'll say it again, no matter how many times I have to. All I want is to be by your side, to look at the world from the same eye level as you do. I want to hold your hand so you don't have to suffer through these things alone, because you deserve to be happy… And... I'd love to be the one to help you find that happiness, but only if you want me to."
Satsuki considered her words, her heart fluttering in response to Nonon's confession. The blush on Nonon's face was brighter than ever. It was the cutest thing Satsuki had ever seen in her life, she was sure of it.
Bending down ever so slightly, she lifted Nonon's face to meet her eyes, unable to fight off the heat in her own face.
She leaned forward with hesitation until their noses were only inches apart. Their breaths collided, hearts pounding in their chests.
Feeling a lump in her throat, Satsuki swallowed in an attempt to calm her nerves. The blush on Nonon's cheeks grew brighter by the second at how close they were.
However, before their lips could meet, several images of Ragyo on top of her flashed in Satsuki's head, causing her to completely lose her resolve. She immediately curled in on herself, struggling to breathe.
"I'm sorry... I can't yet… I just..." Satsuki turned away, scraping aggressively at her arms within an instant.
Damn it.
It was both Nonon and Sukuyo who stopped her this time, holding onto her hands to distract her.
"No, don't apologize…" Nonon said. "It's okay… I told you… all of that can wait until you're ready. Come on, let's just go upstairs for now, alright?"
"Mn…" Satsuki barely acknowledged her words, but followed along as urged, leaving Sukuyo behind, despite the frustration she was feeling with herself. She had wanted to kiss Nonon, so much, for so long, but the fear… it was still too great.
She felt weak.
…
"Yo, you're back. We were starting to get a bit worried." Ryuko smirked.
"I'm fine now. You don't need to worry about me." Satsuki said simply.
"Oh, that reminds me! There's some towels prepared over there if you want to take a bath." Mako pointed out. "Mom and dad said one of us would have to come with you to the bathroom in case you tried to hurt yourself again, so I hope that won't be too much of an issue."
"It's not like I would have expected any less." Satsuki murmured. Despite her acknowledgement of Mako's words, however, the atmosphere felt thick and uncomfortable due to knowing that her secret was out in the open.
Unfortunately, if she wanted to clean herself, she knew she had no choice but to tolerate it.
"Nonon, would you… mind coming with me…?" Satsuki didn't want to consider herself shy but, right now, she felt awkward and insecure, asking for such a thing.
Yet, due to how long they had known each other, Nonon had seen her naked on far more occasions than just once or twice, they had even taken baths together quite often when they were younger, so she was no doubt the person of choice if she had to pick somebody.
"Of course not. Let me get the towels." Nonon smiled understandingly, as Satsuki grabbed some shampoo and bathing supplies from her bag, alongside a pair of pajamas.
Upon grabbing the towels, Nonon quickly followed Satsuki to the bathroom, closing the door behind them.
"I'll place your towels over here on the shelf, that way they'll be easy to reach when you're finished, alright?"
"Thank you." Satsuki acknowledged. Without even realizing it, she had been saying 'thank you' a lot lately, but it wasn't really that huge of a surprise. Anybody who had known the 'true' Satsuki knew that she was an incredibly polite girl, disciplined behavior that had been engraved in her from an early age, probably partly because of Ragyo. Whether that was always a good thing or not was hard to say.
Standing back, Nonon allowed her to undress, trying her best to avoid staring too much. It was undeniable that Satsuki had a beautiful body; she was the most beautiful person Nonon had ever known, but, right now, focusing on such things felt wrong to her.
More than a lover or anything else, Satsuki needed a friend , not to be treated or looked at like a mere object as Ragyo had done to her.
After getting out of her clothes, Satsuki bent down, drawing water into the bathtub. Making sure to avoid getting her bandages wet, she then stepped in, allowing herself to soak.
As she began washing herself with a rag, it wasn't long before Ragyo's hands started prodding at her body all over again.
Her arms immediately started itching, and, as if on instinct, more or less completely forgetting her surroundings, she stood up and reached out towards the nearby shelf to grab a razor blade from the medicine cabinet.
"Satsuki-chan, what are you doing? Hey… give me that." Nonon wasn't fast enough to stop her from grabbing it, but was quick enough to get involved before she could hurt herself with it. She took her hand, prying the tiny weapon from her grip and tossing it to the side.
"Nonon… Please, you don't understand… I swear I'll stop, but just once more… I need this." Satsuki pled desperately, as she once again tried to reach out towards the razor, only to be desperately held off by the smaller girl.
At hearing Satsuki's broken pleas to let her cut herself, Nonon's heart tore to pieces.
"Come here… Sit down…" she said softly, as she urged her back into the bathtub.
"No, she keeps touching me. She won't stop . I have to make her go away… Please, Nonon… You don't have to tell anybody. Just one cut. That is all I ask..." Satsuki pled again, becoming more desperate than ever, her mind completely clouded. She clearly wasn't thinking straight at all, and was saying anything she could think to to convince Nonon to let her have this. It was an obvious addiction, the irrational way she was acting right now.
She had already told herself she would stop a couple times, which naturally never ended with the successful results. Once again, she attempted to reach out towards the razor, held off by Nonon yet again.
Tears formed in the corners of Nonon's eyes, feeling her heart pounding in her chest with fear and pain. Part of her almost wanted to give in to her request, if only to stop hearing Satsuki cry, but if she got ahold of the razor there was no telling how far she would go this time, and maybe it was selfish of her, but she didn't want to see Satsuki destroy her body anymore than she already had.
"Shh. Hey, it's alright… You're safe now, Satsuki-chan… She's not here anymore, so please… just talk to me." Nonon reached out and hugged her, hoping it would calm her down.
Slowly, Satsuki stopped resisting but was no less upset. If she had truly wanted to, she could overpower Nonon easily, but for some reason she hadn't. "She keeps touching me. I can still feel her inside of me. I feel disgusting . I just want to make her to stop."
Her voice shook with fear.
"I know…" Nonon choked out weakly, barely catching her hands as she attempted to tear into her bandages.
"Please… Just one more time... I swear I won't ever do it again." Satsuki insisted again, much to Nonon's distress.
"I'm sorry... You know I won't let you do this... I'd do anything for you, except that ." Nonon held her tighter and closer than before, not caring in the slightest that she was becoming wet from having water splashed on her.
At hearing that, Satsuki broke down into silent sobs, resting her head against Nonon's shoulder.
Nonon's chest ached as she allowed Satsuki to cry on her. She wished she could do more, to take away the pain she was feeling, but all she could do at the moment was to continue to remind her she was safe, that Ragyo wasn't there to hurt her anymore.
Slowly, she felt herself becoming more relaxed.
"...I apologize, Nonon... I don't know what came over me…" she mumbled, feeling guilty for making such a scene. "You must think I am pathetic…"
"No, of course not… You're the strongest person I know and nothing will ever change that. You're in the process of recovering from a serious trauma right now and that'll take time, but it's okay because I told you I'd support you no matter what." Nonon said.
Satsuki looked down, not even caring that her entire body was exposed to her.
"...I keep thinking... Perhaps if I had been stronger, then maybe I could have stopped her. But I always froze up and let her do what she wanted. I couldn't even stop my own body from reacting when she touched me…" Satsuki grew humiliated as she talked about it, the memories all too fresh in her mind just like it just happened minutes before. Once again she tried to reach for her bandages, but Nonon's hands held firm.
"Hey, none of that was your fault. What she stole from you… I won't allow you to blame yourself for it. You weren't even given a choice, so don't say those things about yourself." Nonon said, growing disparaged when Satsuki didn't respond.
"Why don't I wash your hair? You wouldn't mind that, would you?" Nonon offered.
Satsuki once again remained silent as she thought about it.
"Satsuki-chan?" Nonon called out to get her attention.
"Yes… I am fine with that." Heat rose to Satsuki's cheeks. Part of her was scared but something told her that, for once, it was okay. She would be okay. "..I trust you."
At hearing that and seeing Satsuki's face turn red, Nonon blushed a bit herself, finding her sudden shyness adorable. She smirked.
"Alright, I'll get the shampoo. Just hold still for me." Nonon said before grabbing the shampoo Satsuki had brought in and squirting some out into her hand and mixing in a bit of water. Satsuki slowly relaxed as Nonon began lathering it into her hair. It felt good, the pink haired Pinkette's small fingers working miracles in calming her mind.
Nonon continued to massage her scalp for several more minutes, allowing Satsuki some more time before she filled a cup up with water and began rinsing the suds out of Satsuki's hair.
Satsuki closed her eyes, allowing the water to drain down her face until her hair was finally clean.
"Thank you, Nonon... For stopping me earlier…" she said, sheepishly. "You being here… and staying by my side… It means everything to me… I… I want to kiss you, but I am still afraid… I apologize… Holding back on you like this… it is selfish of me…"
"No… It's not. And quit saying sorry already..." Nonon shook her head. She held up Satsuki's hand, lightly pecking her on the fingers. Butterflies stormed in her chest when Satsuki's embarrassed face flushed even redder than before. She then looked painfully down at Satsuki's bandages. "The things she did to you… That doesn't just go away overnight. It'll take time and I'm okay with that. I just want you to focus on yourself and what you want. I'm not going to force you into something you're not comfortable with. We'll take things at your pace. Hear me?"
Slowly, but surely, much to Nonon's relief, Satsuki nodded in response.
At least now maybe, they had some kind of start to work with and that was all Nonon could ask for.
...
For a long time that night, Ryuko couldn't sleep well at all. The flames clouded her vision, causing her to toss and turn in bed.
At some point Mako woke up and saw her crying.
"Ryuko-chan, what's wrong? Is it Senketsu again?" Mako whispered with concern.
"Yeah… I keep seeing the flames… It won't stop, damn it..." Ryuko's voice was strained, trying her best to avoid waking up Satsuki and Nonon. Mako hugged her, helping her relax a bit.
"I feel so stupid, like this shouldn't bother me as much as it does. But he was my friend and he burned to pieces right in front of me. I couldn't even do a single thing to stop it from happening either... He told me to find new clothes to wear, but what's the point if he's not here with me? I miss him so much, Mako…" Ryuko broke down in her arms.
"I know you do. Even so, you have me and everybody else now too, so it's okay. Even if you have your low points, we'll always be here to pick you back up no matter what." Mako said, caressing her face to wipe her tears.
"Please, Mako... Promise me you won't leave me like Senketsu and Dad did… If I lost you too, I don't know what I'd do… I'm so scared right now. Nee-san too… what she's been doing to herself… I don't want to see anybody else I care about die."
Perhaps finding out about Satsuki's self-harm had brought back that fear full force. She didn't always talk about her feelings, and nor had she spoken much to Satsuki about it, but that didn't mean she wasn't worried. The truth was it freaked her out and she didn't really know what to say. What if she just made things worse and Satsuki did something reckless because of her? She had already upset her several times now, so what if some of the injuries on her arms were because of her ?
Satsuki was the only family member she had left. Her only sister in the world, a new found friend even - The thought of losing her terrified her.
"I'm not going to leave you. I promise. Now come here." Mako smiled, before quickly pulling her in for a kiss. Ryuko blushed a bit, but allowed herself to return it. After pulling away, Mako placed her forehead to Ryuko's. "I know it's super hard right now, and you're going through a lot, but I still want you to take care of yourself. I don't want to lose Ryuko-chan either, so seeing you eat earlier even without a push from one of us… You have no idea how happy it made me. I'm proud of you..."
"Mako…" Had it been anybody else, Ryuko might have given some kind of snarky remark feeling she was being patronized, but with Mako, it wasn't like that. She grew sheepish at the praise, looking down. "Can you… hold me?"
"Of course." Mako beamed, wrapping her arms around her and letting Ryuko nuzzle again her soft chest. "Now just try to get some sleep, alright? We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow working through all this stuff."
"Yeah… Thanks." Ryuko said, relaxing in her warmth.
A/N: Well that was pretty dark but at least we're getting somewhere. I want Satsuki to start recovering but I also don't want to rush things. :')