Author's Note
Hello All :)
Welcome to my first ever Dramione story. I have been reading Dramione FanFiction for yearsss and finally decided to give my own story a shot. I feel like I crave a darker side to both our favorite characters and wanted to give it a go. I have a lot of extra time on my hands to be spent writing so I plan to update as much as possible and when creativity strikes. It's somewhat hard for me to stay committed to a single idea so we will see how this goes. I know the agony of an unfinished fic and won't torment you with that. I want this fic to be long and heartbreaking, dark and delicious, something you think about for a while after reading. Hopefully I will accomplish that. I have never published a story before so any advice is greatly appreciated, any ideas for the fic are greatly welcome as I kind of just write as I go.
Without further ado,
All the Good they Were
Drowning. That's what Hermione felt like as she lay on the soft grass covered grounds surrounding Hogwarts. The breeze was gentle and fluttering across her skin like an intimate caress. She was laying near the edge of the grounds that met the Forbidden Forest and sunlight dappled her body providing warmth on an unusually chilly September day.
Hermione sighed, the sound breaking the silence that the forest normally held. Her breath puffed up in a small cloud and she studied it for the moment it existed. Proof she was alive. She sighed once more and watched as her breath whispered to the trees above. This small clearing of grass, where the Forbidden Forest's tall trees hung over and imprinted the shape of their branches and leaves on the ground was the only place Hermione could make sense of her feelings. She felt the pull of the forest beyond her, feeling the way it's magic or the magic of what was in there, crawling towards her. Yet she lay still and safe just outside it's reach, the distant laughing of students washing over her every now and then. Hermione was tempted to reach her arm closer to where the grass mingled with cold dirt. Even now her fingers twitched slightly wondering what the dirt would feel like crumbling and falling watching it stain the too-bright green grass. Laying here on the edge of what was forbidden helped with her own feelings.
Of course she knew what lurked in the forest. Just a few months ago she and Harry had allowed the centaurs that lived inside to haul Dolores Umbridge away to a certain and terrible fate. Hermione's lips quirked up twisting her mouth into a slight grimace. The sharp sting that came from it reminded her she needed to dig out some lip balm. Between the weather and her biting her lips all the time she was in need of it. She swiped her tongue across them feeling the raised pieces of skin and the slight tang of copper. Maybe sooner rather than later she thought. Her distress was starting to show in her everyday appearance.
Distress. The word tumbled around in her head. Was she distressed? As of late she felt so. That drowning feeling, as if she couldn't quite catch her breathe and fought constantly to remain calm. She had been calm as she sent her old professor to her terrible fate. As calm as Harry had been, looking that slimy woman straight in her eyes as he replayed her own words to her. In that moment she had wondered if he was drowning too. Harry had always fought to be above the dark waters inside his own mind though, always pushing through to light and what it stood for. She felt the opposite. As if each time she tried to reach for the light another wave of darkness would sweep over her and keep her tumbling into its depths.
Over the summer while dueling death eaters at the ministry she had been hit by a very dark curse that would have killed her if she had not silenced Dolohov seconds before. Sirius had died that day too. Hermione grasped a fistful of the damp grass surrounding her and pulled. A number of events had happened the past year in which she felt her soul shrinking ever so slightly with each one. She sprinkled the blades of grass back on the ground. Then suddenly it was there, that little hole she felt in her heart making it's way to her head where she thought how easy it had been to rip the grass away from its home and crush its life leaving it to die and never grow again. A laugh the sound of a bell, so contrasting to its counterpart, made its way from her mouth. Hermione sat up slowly, shaking her head at her own silliness.
Thinking about killing the grass. How silly indeed. Sometimes she thought too much. Another sighed pierced the somber September air and she stood up. It was about time she head back to the castle. Between Defense Against the Dark Arts and Potions she had a free slot. It was the perfect time of day for her, still slightly morning but warming up with the rise of the sun. Glancing around she focused her cinnamon eyes into the vast nothingness of the forest. She would be back tomorrow as was her usual schedule ever since her birthday on the 19th. Hermione had only been coming to this spot for just over a week and it was all she could think about each day.
She wondered if Harry or Ron had noticed her excursions as of late. Probably not. If they did they more than likely assumed she was in the library trying to get ahead on classes. Usually she would be. Usually. Hermione tore her eyes away from the forest and started towards the castle. As she started walking she noticed the chill in the air. Laying in the sun had warmed her but as she headed towards the castle and the walls that would suffocate her she felt the cold. It was like the life was being sucked out of her. Her eyes darted around wondering if a dementor had breached the wards. With every thing else going on it wouldn't be surprising. Subconsciously her hand went to her stomach where the nasty scar from Dolohov's curse was. Satisfied with her scan of the grounds and seeing no dementor she muttered a spell conjuring a small jar no bigger than the palm of her hand. Another spell said under her breath and aiming her wand into the jar she produced a small glowing flame. Bluebell flames. She held the jar up to her face peering into the cerulean blue flame flickering and dancing against the glass. The spell had been her favorite as of late. She cradled the jar close to her body as she traveled to the castle, protecting the flame from the cool air even though she knew it would not go out until she extinguished it. She had full control over that at least.
The Gryffindor common room was empty by the time Hermione got there. The fire crackling caught her attention but didn't hold it. She was only here to grab her heavy school bag and then head to potions. She stood in the middle of the room feeling too much. The bright red and rich gold colors that had once comforted her now put a pit in her stomach. She glanced down at the tie around her neck which suddenly felt too tight. Her hands shot to the sides of her head and she groaned in annoyance. Rubbing circles on her temples she forced the dreadful thoughts from her head. Just because the world was changing didn't mean her childhood places had to. She thought of all the times her, Harry and Ron had spent in this room happy and laughing. It felt so far away now.
She needed to get out, now. Go to her class and focus on that, give her mind something else to think about than the inky shadows littering her mind. The clock above the fireplace chimed, rousing her from her thoughts. She was going to be late. Again. This would be the second time in the past week. Hermione wished for the time turner she had in third year. It wasn't like she wanted to be late or wanted to be caught up in all these deep feelings. Brightest witch of her age and she couldn't even be on time to her classes. She scoffed and turned on her heel, jogging up the stairs to the girls dormitory.
"Accio school bag" she murmured, her voice soft. The bag came flying and she grunted as she wasn't ready for the weight of it. Hermione longed for the old thrill going to class brought her. Right now it was only dread and hoping she would be able to concentrate. She turned for the door again, passing the mirror that was hung right before it. Vanity had long surpassed her but her eyes did glance over her features quickly. She looked as tired as she felt. Although her skin was normally creamy and pale she looked more wane right now, slight violet bruises under her eyes. Her lips looked as bad as they had felt earlier. Chapped and raised with broken skin. She needed to brush her hair too, as it was currently wind blown and snarled from laying on the ground. Though her curls still remained as untamable as ever, they had softened and flowed around her shoulders the caramel and chestnut hues brightening her eyes. Hermione shrugged and mumbled a spell to smooth her hair while she fumbled in her bag for her lip balm. She walked quickly down the stairs and out the common room door bidding a see you later to the Fat Lady. Finding her lip balm she swiped it on her lips, her tongue darting out to taste the lavender flavor. The scent calmed her slightly. She was going to be late. Her school robes billowed out behind her slightly as she walked faster almost jogging to get to the Potions classroom.
Hermione was indeed late. Only three minutes but she still sighed and steeled herself for the many sets of eyes. At least Snape wasn't professor of potions any more. She didn't know if she would be able to bite her tongue if he had said some snark comment. The door was already closed too. Wonderful. Hermione wasn't normally shy or cared about people looking at her but lately all she wanted was to be alone and invisible to everyone else. She mentally kicked herself again for spending too much time at her clearing. Her knuckles grazed the heavy ornate door and knocked softly.
"Ah. That must be Miss. Granger." Professor Slughorn's slightly muffled voice reached her ears.
The door swung open and she met the Professor's merry eyes. He grinned at her his round belly starting to shake with laughter. "Impeccable timing Miss. Granger!" He laughed. "We we're just getting started on identifying this potion on the table, would you like to give it a go?I have no doubts you will be able to name it." He smiled at her too widely.
Hermione nodded timidly and stepped into the classroom feeling Harry and Ron looking at her immediately. Ron's gaze was burning and she felt a blush stain her cheeks. She knew they would badger her about being late at lunch. So unlike you they would say and then ask her like they did every day if she was sure she was alright. Her eyes swept up to them and quickly looked away before she stepped up to the table with the smoking potion. Slughorn followed already smiling happily again. Hermione wanted to roll her eyes but she rolled her shoulders instead and felt all her knowledge and magic slipping back into place. She was in her element here. She knew this. Studied it and read about it. She was Hermione Granger, golden girl and brightest witch of her age. Studying and having the best marks was her whole life. Hermione felt the familiar sense of arrogance and pride surge forward as she took in the scent of the potion.
"It's Amortentia, sir." She glanced at Slughorn looking for his nod of approval. "It's the most powerful love potion and appeals to each person based off what attracts them." Hermione dipped her head and sniffed again, the scents accosting her all too quickly. She felt a bit dazed and glanced back at Ron sharply. "For example I smell freshly mown grass and parchment…. spearmint toothpaste…" her voice trailed off.
She walked quickly around the table and joined her classmates to listen to Slughorn. Spearmint toothpaste. Her teeth bit into her already raw lip, worrying it. Maybe she wasn't as far gone in her suffering as she thought. The only person she knew who used spearmint toothpaste was Ron. The only person who had really caught her fancy as of late was Ron. Even now she was aware of his presence slightly behind her to the left. She was aware of him when he was there but when he wasn't she barely thought of him. It was to be expected she thought. Hermione and Ron had always been pushed together and it was expected she feel something slightly more than friendship for him. Though right now she couldn't fathom why. She released her battered lip and puffed out a breath. Ron was all soft and warm and…. and good. She felt none of that in herself in the last few weeks. Hermione felt sharp and hard and cold.
"Miss. Granger?" Her name roused her. Another blush raged across her face. First she was late now she wasn't paying attention. She tried to control the fire burning on her cheeks willing it to go away but it didn't. Slughorn was looking at her expectedly eager to hear her response. She felt a nudge on her elbow and turned her head slightly.
"He asked about the Felix Felicis potion" Harry's soft voice whispered to her. Hermione curled her fingernails into her palm forcing her thoughts to focus. Felix Felicis was also called… "Liquid Luck" she provided. Slughorn nodded proudly.
Honestly the man was almost too easy to please she thought. She knew about his habit of collecting students and had no doubt she would receive an invitation to his Slugclub dinner party coming up. Another small spurt of pride went through her. Even though she had been feeling out of sorts she was still the Hermione everyone else knew. Smart and relentless in her journey of knowledge. Harry nudged her elbow again. They were supposed to begin brewing the Felix Felicis potion. Hermione followed him and Ron to a table in the back. As she worked her way through her potion she noticed Harry was having an extraordinarily easy time with it. Not to say he wasn't a brilliant wizard but, this was unlike him. Hermione bit the inside of her cheek as her potion turned a slightly milky colored sheen. It was supposed to be clear.
She wished she could summon a bluebell flame right now. Her hair was starting to crack with magic and her annoyance and she really needed that calming blue flicker. Hermione took a step back to regain her thoughts and looked around the room. Everyone else seemed to be struggling too except.. except for Malfoy. Her tawny eyes widened a fraction. Malfoy wasn't even attempting to complete his potion. She swept her eyes over him quickly gauging his appearance. He, and dare she say it, almost looked like she had earlier when leaving the dormitory. His hair was still as bright and platinum as ever and neatly combed over although she picked out the strands he couldn't tame. He was pale and withdrawn in the corner, Pansy Parkinson near him attempting to engage in some meaningless conversation she was sure. The girl was always trying to gain his attention, and always rather loudly.
She looked him over shrewdly again. Malfoy didn't seem like Malfoy. His usual sneer was no where to be seen and he didn't seem to care when Slughorn commented on the state of his potion. Hermione knew he held the second best marks in the school and was a close competitor of hers. It was one of the only reasons she paid attention to him every now and then. Well, that and Harry's obsession with him being a death eater she thought. Hermione wondered briefly what his life was actually like. His father Lucius had been there at the department of mysteries and had been the one to slip Ginny Weasley the diary of Tom Riddle. Of course Malfoy had to be involved with Lord Voldemort. Maybe Harry wasn't so far off in his presumptions she thought.
Her breath caught in her throat when Malfoy's eyes suddenly met hers. It was a quick glance, his quicksilver gaze clashing with her amber pools full of questions. She saw his lips begin to twist into that familiar sneer of his, the mirth in his eyes coming to life. Hermione could almost hear the words in his head. Mudblood. Filth. His eyes were gone from hers before she could hear the words come to life though. He focused back on the potion at his table which was subpar she could tell. She turned her attention back to her own potion. Slughorn was talking again and Harry was walking away from their table to the front.
Ron leaned over and whispered to her. "Bloody git somehow won the liquid luck, Slughorn definitely favors him." His blue eyes were bright and teasing. Although Ron could be a jealous git sometimes right now he was just having a laugh over Harry.
She smiled and shook her head agreeing, and looked dejectedly at her own potion her lips slightly pouting. "I want to know how he did it" she whispered back.
Ron shoved her shoulder gently and shot back "He's the chosen one" grinning at her his smile wide and sincere. Hermione looked at him for a moment longer than she should have studying his features. Yes, she was attracted to Ron. She shook her head imperceptibly and cleared her throat.
"Maybe he will share with us, we are the golden trio." Her voice was light. Moments like these were easy for her and didn't feel so forced. Her happiness continued as Harry walked back over to them to grab his bag. He shook the small clear vial at them, a cocky grin on his face.
"Lunch time?" Harry asked. His emerald eyes were glowing with mischief as he met her gaze. "Hermione may need some time to get over me besting her."
She stuck her tongue out at him and pushed away from the desk quickly, too quickly. Hermione stumbled right into the path of Malfoy who stopped dead in his tracks as her body brushed against his. For the second time that day she met his cold stare. He glared down at her and his nose scrunched up into a fierce sneer but he didn't say anything. She mumbled an apology and stepped out of his way not wanting to argue with him right now when she was finally feeling happy instead of all the other negative things. He looked at her blankly and swept his silver eyes towards Harry and Ron.
"You should keep your mudblood on her leash." Malfoy muttered to them, pointedly not looking at her. She instantly took back any thoughts that maybe he had a hard life and was just trying to survive.
She was trying to survive too, but wasn't being mean. Hermione rolled her eyes not even glancing up at Malfoy again and instead spoke to Harry and Ron who was starting to turn purple. Harry looked about ready to swing at Malfoy.
"Let's just go he's not worth wasting our breath". With that she swept away and out the classroom door into the busy hallway.
Lunch was uneventful and the usual sort of schedule. Ron eating way too much, Harry brooding over Malfoy and his comment earlier. Hermione dug around in her school bag deciding to work on an essay due soon. She swept her hair over her shoulder and glanced down the table. Ginny and Dean Thomas were talking rather animatedly almost looking to the point of arguing. Everything was.. normal. Her chest felt too tight all the sudden. Harry and Ron felt too close. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing trying to even it out.
"I'm going to head to the library for the rest of lunch. I'll catch up with you later." She grabbed her bag and stood from the table meeting Harry's eyes. Ron nodded his mouth too full to actually answer her.
Satisfied that they wouldn't want to come with her she left the Great Hall and started towards the exit of the castle she usually used to get to her clearing. The complete other way of the library. Hermione felt odd lying to her best friends about where she was going, but it was slowly getting easier each time she did it. The halls were quiet as she walked and she enjoyed the peacefulness that came with them. She turned her head curiously as she heard the tell tale rumble of the stair cases moving. Everyone should be in the dining hall right now she thought irritably. With her luck today it would be one of her Gryffindor classmates and she would more than likely have to explain what she was doing on this side of the castle.
Hermione rounded the corner having no choice but to head towards the moving stair case. She cast a silent disillusionment charm as she walked, feeling the familiar trickle of an egg being cracked on her head. The only things this staircase led to was the Astronomy tower and now that she thought about it, the hallway where the room of requirement was. She was in no mood to socialize with whoever it was. Slightly curious though she couldn't deny wanting to linger and see what was going on. She hadn't got into all that trouble during her school years for nothing. Being nosy was in her blood.
Hermione stopped slightly before reaching the staircase. She craned her neck upwards her eyes narrowing as she searched the staircase. Something in her gut was telling her to stay and look. She couldn't help the twitch that traveled through her body and made her scuff her shoe on the stone floor. Any feeling besides the dreaded empty darkness was welcome right now. Hermione felt excited and held her breath as the staircase turned so she could see the front of it. Her excitement turned to unease and her lips tilted downward.
Today felt repetitive. There on the stairs leaning against the huge stone railing with his hands in his pockets stood Malfoy. His head was angled towards his feet and he looked troubled, his brow creased and his jaw clenched. She realized with a jolt that the stairs weren't moving upwards, but down. She wondered where he had come from and why he looked so… distraught. Hermione felt entranced as she watched the staircase complete its rotation and Malfoy came strolling down. Even with looking like the weight of the world was on his shoulders he was lithe and graceful. She didn't know why she stayed where she did instead of heading off towards her exit or even retreating further back. Malfoy stopped at the bottom of the steps, his mercurial gaze sweeping the hallway. His wand was clutched in his left hand ready and waiting. Hermione released the breath she didn't know she had been holding and Malfoy's head cocked slowly in her direction. She bit her lip cursing inside her head how stupid she was and wondering why she felt the tiniest bit of fear. Malfoy seemed all predator right now. She could tell he was on edge.
He walked forward a few steps almost right in front of her and she didn't dare move. If Harry was correct then Malfoy was dangerous and she didn't need a duel when her head wasn't on straight. Her eyes roved over him taking in his form fitting black suit, the slight sheen of sweat on his forehead and the way his eyes were narrowed to nearly slits as he listened intently for what he thought he had heard. All he had to do was say a simple finite and she would be revealed. He didn't though and instead shook his head as if telling himself he was hearing things and took a deep breath. Malfoy went still again his nostrils flaring ever so slightly and she knew. Hermione knew he could smell her. Whether it be her overly strong lavender lip balm or her gentle perfume she felt caught. He took a small step further his hand coming up from his side and she moved back silently, cringing when she felt the front of a statue at her back.
When had that gotten there?
Two pairs of footfalls echoed further down the hall and Malfoy whipped around muttering under his breath. She peeked around his form watching Ginny and Dean run down the hall giggling like the fools in love they were. Most definitely looking for a place to snog in privacy. Thank Merlin for the interruption she didn't know if she could handle being caught watching Malfoy. He seemed tense again and thought he would turn around but he didn't even look back as he headed towards the hallway that led to the Great Hall.
Hermione stayed there for a few extra moments making sure he wouldn't return before she headed towards the exit. Her mind felt dazed as she walked, thinking of their small interaction. One sided interaction. He had smelled of apples and what she decided had been the tang of fear. Curling a lock of her hair around her finger she breathed a sigh of relief as she reached the courtyard entrance and felt the cool breeze on her face.
She found herself at her little clearing sooner than she thought, conjuring up a large blue blanket that she laid gently on the ground. The more she took time away from her studies and focused on the feelings running rampant inside her the more she felt in tune to what was going on around her. She felt the stress leave her shoulders as she closed her eyes and her jaw unclench as the weak sunlight hit her face. She reached a hand towards the dirt beyond the grass. Hermione smiled a bit as her fingers touched the soil, a little spark of magic running through her arm to the rest of her body.
She wondered briefly about Draco Malfoy and what he had been up to. She wondered about Harry and his future. Their futures. She decided it didn't matter right then. She felt calm and peaceful, the waters inside her ebbing for once instead of raging. Hermione fell asleep like that, a soft smile on her face.
From a window on the upper floor of the castle, looking out at the vast grounds stood Draco Malfoy. He leaned against the cool glass, one of his hands pushing up his chin as he gazed out towards the Forbidden Forest and the girl laying on the blue blanket. Draco was used to Potter tailing him all the time and had developed a second sense for when he was being followed.
He hadn't expected it to be Granger this time and wasn't entirely sure if she had been following him or just happened upon him leaving the Room of Requirement. It had been that bloody lavender scent of hers he had noticed. It was the same scent from earlier when she had stumbled into him in potions. His tongue subconsciously swept across his lips as he recalled the startled look she had given him. She hadn't played into his goading either. Not that he ever spent much time looking at the mudblood girl but he had noticed the same dark bruises under her eyes that he sported.
He wondered what kept the golden girl up at night, his eyes roving over her still form on the ground. She was shivering he could tell. Silly bint had ventured out without much else on besides her school robes and it was getting chillier by the second. He contemplated his actions for a moment, running a pale hand through his hair until it was tousled and laying gently on his forehead.
Draco had no idea why his feet started carrying him towards the stair case that headed down towards the courtyard exit. He needed a distraction from his mission, stuck on how to get the vanishing cabinet working. His mind flashed a picture of Granger's face with the dark bruises and chapped lips. She looked like him. He wondered what tormented her mind.
Author's Note
We will get to see into Draco's mind a little bit more next chapter. This fic will be primarily told from Hermione's pov but in order to understand Draco obviously we will have to see life from his pov too. Please let me know if i need to reupload this chapter for formatting or other reasons. Im trying to figure out how to publish on here.
Happy reading,
MIS.