How AffimaX Was Formed

A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction

by Derald Snyder

'Hey, if it isn't the two-color eyed freak!'

'Hey, Black-and-Blue Eyes!'

'What happened, you get some black paint in your one eye? Or is it blue paint in the other?! Hahahaha!'

A young high-school freshman with short, messy black hair ran through the streets nearby his school, tears falling from his mismatched blue and black eyes. Fatigue eventually caught up with him, however, causing him to halt at a street corner, sitting on the curb and sobbing. (It's not my fault my eye color's messed up! Why did I have to forget my sunglasses today...?!)

"Well, well, I detect a young man in distress... did someone hurt you?"

The boy looked up to see a large white robot with blue and gold highlights, though he appeared to be a work-in-progress of sorts. "W-whoa... you look like one of those anime giant robots! ...except human-sized."

"Ha! I'll take that as a compliment!" the robot chortled. "It's none of my business, but are you hurt?"

"Not hurt in body... only in spirit," the boy sighed, looking up. "Not that a machine like you would understand..."

The robot took note of the young man's mismatched eyes, but decided to not speak about it yet. "Well, you can tell me what happened... after all, as a robot, I only judge people logically!" In truth, he was a bit more advanced than that, but a little obfuscation didn't hurt, right? "Oh, but before that... what is your designation? Your name, I mean?"

"...it's Max. Maximilian Jiro."

And so Max spilled his guts to the robot, about his mismatched eyes, about how classmates at his school relentlessly teased him over them, forcing him to wear sunglasses most of the time, not that it helped much... "...and I thought, once I started in high school, a different one than the other students from junior high, I could start fresh as long as I remembered my sunglasses...! But I forgot them today, and...! (sob)"

"...well, that makes no logical sense," the robot commented. "As long as your eyes are fully functional, what does it matter what color they are?"

"It's 'cause I'm different from everyone else!" Max cried. "And bullies always target the kids that are different...! So I just hide myself as much as I can... they called me the 'two-color-eye-ninja' back in junior high..."

"Hmmm... I see," the robot nodded. "Well, thinking logically... what if these bullies target you in order to divert attention away from their own deficiencies?"

"Deficiencies...?" Max blinked in confusion. "You mean, like stuff they don't want anyone else to find out?"

"Exactly!" the robot nodded. "So, if you want the bullies to stop going after you, the logical thing would be to expose their own deep, dark secrets and humiliate them in turn!"

"B-but if I do that, I'll get in trouble with the teachers and the principal!" Max protested. "I tried fighting back against bullies in junior high, but I got put in detention and marked as a troublemaker...!"

"Well then, we'll just have to do it in a way that can't be traced back to you!" the robot proclaimed. "I specialize in information gathering, and have even started a blog of sorts! So if you discreetly find out these bullies' dark secrets, I can post them on the Internep myself, thus exposing their deficiencies without getting you in trouble with the school administration!"

"Really...? Yeah, that could work..." Max stood to his feet. "Um, but do you have a name, Mr. Robot?"

"Ah, yes, I forgot. Call me... Affimojas!"

And so the operation began, Max stealthily going about the school, doing his best to listen in on conversations that his bullies had with their close friends, memorizing any juicy tidbits he could... then he would head over to Affimojas' home and tell him what he found out, the robot compiling the info and typing it into his blog, skewing the information to be as humiliating as possible...

*And so, about a week later...*

"Hey Anderson!" a well-built senior walked up to one of Max's bullies.

"J-Jones?!" Anderson jumped up in shock, seeing an angry expression on his fellow student's face. "W-what's the matter?!"

"Is it true that you're gay for me?!" Jones accused. "That's what I read on this one blog!"

"WHAT?! No that's not true!" Anderson stammered. "I just, really admire you and the way you carry yourself! Like, your biggest fan!"

"Well, knock it off!" Jones stabbed a finger into Anderson's chest. "One, I'm straight as an arrow, and two, I don't appreciate stalkers!"

"I-I'm so sorry! I-I promise I'll behave from now on!"

Not far away, another bully was trying to fend off several unwanted suitors. "C'mon Melissa, we just wanna see that rocket-shaped mole on your breast!"

"No you can not!" Melissa screeched in dismay. "That stupid blogger! I'm gonna ring his tail neck if I ever find him...!"

And in another part of the school, another bully was trying to hide his face in a textbook... "Hey Andy! Do you really like that 'Dino Varney & Friends' kiddie show?! That's what the blog said!"

"I-I like dinosaurs in general, okay?!" Andy stammered in red-faced embarrassment.

(Mission accomplished,) Max Jiro thought in triumph as he silently observed the scene from down the hallway...

*Later that day...*

"Will Maximilian Jiro please report to the principal's office immediately? Maximilian Jiro, to the principal's office immediately."

(Time to face the music,) Max thought as he got up from his desk, exiting the classroom and silently walking to the office... Upon entering, he saw both the principal and vice-principal standing there. Quietly taking a seat, he kept his face neutral as he spoke, "You called for me, sir?"

"There's been a new blogger that's been posting on the school message board recently," the vice-principal began. "The blog in question has been posting some very unflattering rumors about some of our students..."

"What does that have to do with me, sirs?"

"You've been seen observing a few of the students in question," the principal stated matter-of-factly. "And trying your hardest not to be noticed..."

"Whoever saw me must have good eyes, then," Max said. "Seriously, though, I don't do blogs, Mr. Principal. I'm sure if you check my logins, I've never accessed that blog at any time, or any of the blogger's topics on the message board. I'm not interested in fomenting rumors..."

"That doesn't mean you didn't have help," the vice-principal pointed out.

"Even if that was true, you have no proof," Max countered. "Innocent until proven guilty, remember? You cannot accuse me of causing trouble without solid evidence. ...with all due respect."

The vice-principal grimaced at this. "He's right... we can't punish him without proof that he did anything."

The principal heaved a sigh in response. "That's true... alright, Max, we'll let you go. But I would strongly suggest not spying on your fellow students from here on out. Do I make myself clear, young man?"

"Crystal clear, sir," Max agreed, standing up.

*After the school bell...*

Max knocked on the door of Affimojas' abode. Getting no response, he pushed the door open and went inside... "Affimojas? You in here?" He heard shuffling in the other room, walking in just in time to see the robot putting something away in a drawer. A magazine was left open on the desk next to his laptop, open to a photo of a scantily-clad model with blonde hair and a sizable bust. "Oh wow... now that's hot."

"Ack! Max! I didn't expect you so soon!" Affimojas cried in panic, snatching up the magazine. "Ah-heh, pay that no mind, please..."

"But I liked it," Max said. "Reminds me of that one blonde teacher I had a crush on back in junior high... Tried taking pictures with my phone, but another teacher caught me, and I was forced to delete them..."

"Is that so...? What a shame," Affimojas shook his head as he shoved the magazine into another drawer. "Just because I'm a robot doesn't mean I can't appreciate the beauty of the female form... especially those with ample busts and bright blond hair!"

"...I couldn't agree more," Max said with a smile. "But, uh, getting back to business... your blog was a complete success! Those bullies were completely humiliated! I don't think they'll be bothering me again for a while..."

"Excellent! You see? It was just as I said!" Affimojas laughed in triumph. "My only regret is that I couldn't extort money from them, but alas..."

"E-extort money...?!"

"Of course! Information gathering may be my primary function, but it doesn't exactly pay the bills!" Affimojas asserted. "So logically, I use what I have in whatever way I can to obtain as much money as possible! Money makes the world go around! This world is money! Money is everything in the world! Any sin is justified in order to obtain it!"

"...Whoever programmed you must have been strapped for cash themselves, for you to have such an attitude," Max observed.

"Alas, sadly my creator has passed away," the robot lamented. "He wasn't exactly poor, but it cost him almost every cent to ensure my AI was fully functional before he expired... As you can see, my outer armor still needs some work. But! Seeing as you did so well in this instance, perhaps you could help me with further extortion operations, which would ensure more money, so I can get my armor finished, and obtain more pictures and figures of busty blondes!"

"Well, I do owe you one, Mr. Affimojas..." Max admitted. "Sure, I guess I can help you out. Our interests overlap, after all!"

"Splendid! But please, don't call me 'mister'! It makes me feel like an old man..." Affimojas said.

"Sorry... but you know, if you're gonna extort money from people, perhaps you should have your armor upgraded to look more intimidating..."

"What would you suggest, then?"

"Well, how about horns on your head, and big spikes on your shoulders? Oh, and maybe a metal cape as well! And maybe a big dark broadsword!"

"...Yes! That could work nicely! But what about you? It would look awkward for a young man like you to be standing beside me..."

"But I would be the one working from the shadows, right?" Max pointed out. "That being said, I need to work better at not standing out in a crowd... apparently someone saw me spying on those bullies, and I almost got in trouble with the principal's office, though I managed to talk my way out of it."

"Ah, you followed my advice on not accessing my blog! Good for you!" Affimojas nodded. "I'm sure that with a little practice, almost no one could catch you spying on others! But! To ensure you are not found out, perhaps we could fashion some armor for you! And make it ninja-like!"

"Y-you'd do that for me?!" Max gasped in disbelief.

"Of course! Birds of a feather flock together, as they say!" Affimojas proclaimed. "So, we should also devise a codename for you... Hmmm... how about... 'Steamax'?"

"Steamax...? A little odd, but... yeah, that could work! Steamax it is!" the young man agreed. "Oh, but if you're gonna make ninja armor for me, I don't want it black, that's too cliche..."

"Well, what color would you prefer, then?" Affimojas inquired.

"Hmmm... purple might work. It's still dark, but it'd be unique!" Steamax said.

"Purple it is, then! I'll start designing it right away!" Affimojas affirmed. "In the meantime, you can start by seeing if you can find any juicy tidbits on people in your neighborhood! Outside of your school, that is, so it doesn't get traced back to you."

"Alright then," Steamax nodded. "You know, Affimojas, I think this could be the start of a wonderful friendship..." He put his hand out.

"I think you're right!" the robot agreed, grasping said hand in a firm shake. "May our friendship be long, enduring and prosperous!"

And so began the association that would come to be known as AffimaX, which would eventually grow in prominence to the point that even the CPUs themselves would become their victims...

...but that's a story for another game.

*To be continued... in Megadimension Neptunia VII!*