in a few months:
.
.
.
.
.
When Ichigo learns that Rukia is pregnant, there's a terribly long pause. He might have died, really, while staring at her, right there on their dining table, in the middle of their afternoon alcohol (tea for her), a brain artery popped in his head just like that and it's destination hell for him because he's too powerful. But he leans back, nods slowly, his breathing stills, "when?" he asks her earnestly like it's the most natural thing.
The morning after, Ichigo feels like an annoying big fucking shit, his husband-self tripled overnight. It got to his head, Rukia thinks it probably added a few literal centimeters in his head circumference, the dent on his pillow was heavier and bigger when she woke up and noticed the crater. Everything about him swells. There's also an immediate declaration of a ban against liquor, coffee, and "that bullshit candy you keep on chewing, it rots your teeth, dumbass."
He takes all of their already-limited packaged food out, empties their liquor supply ("hey! We could just, you know, wait the pregnancy out!" Rukia argues), and discards their coffee beans ("absolute bullshit!" Rukia screams at him from the door). He burns her candies and watches the sugar melt and turn to black outside, then shoots her a triumphant, one-sided smirk.
"I will punch your throat," Rukia, spoiling for a fight, tells him serenely when he steps inside their home.
"Come see if it lands," Ichigo dares. He is a very tall man, and for a moment, Rukia considers punching him, but decides against it. It is not a smart use of her energy.
"Well, while you're sleeping, I...I will straddle you and I will punch your throat," she says and folds her arms, and watches him move around their home, put away smaller objects and rearrange their seats, and dust surfaces with his hand while he's at it. He is hopeless.
"Right," Ichigo laughs, glancing at her and sensing his eventual win. He's quite the patient man now, and his wife is very angry, "then who will make you breakfast?"
Oh, you fucker. "Fine," Rukia relents and relaxes, "you win."
Nothing can really beat him, when he's feeling extra...happy? Ichigo is not happy, there's no telling what his mood is, unless scowling is a mood, but Rukia can tell he's excited and his heart kind of expands, not medically, but kind of starting to expand to include another. Throughout the morning, he continued to purge their home of every little unhealthy thing and rearranged their furniture for her. He's already talking about the merits of baby furniture as a matter-of-factly if it's better to build or buy.
She is still captain and he is her lieutenant, and they need to figure out logistics, but that's for some other time.
.
.
.
.
.
a/n: feels like i wrote all these headcanons last year based on how i vividly remember them when i went to re-read everything earlier.