"It's never me."
The words hung heavily in the air between them, heavier than they'd felt on her tongue before she'd released them into the wind.
Elliot froze as he watched her, every muscle in his body tensing. He knew exactly what she meant.
Olivia kept her gaze on the building in front of her, her hair blowing gently in the breeze. The greenery around them rustled in the wind, filling the void.
"I will never be enough for you, will I?" Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper, but the sound of it rang in his ears.
"Liv," Elliot croaked, his own voice breaking. His feet remembered how to move; he stepped closer to her. The chill of the wind between them matched the chill spreading through his veins.
He reached her side and looked at her; truly looked at her for the first time in a while and saw the film-reel that played across her face. The years of longing for him, of waiting, of putting everyone else's needs and happiness above her own. The sadness, the armor of being the only person she could rely on, the strength she'd gained from the trauma she'd endured in his absence. The exhaustion of loving a man from the sidelines for twenty-some-odd years, the gleam of the consolation prize in her eyes because to her, that was all she'd ever be to him.
Or, so she thought.
"I lost myself in Eddie Ashes."
"Not enough for Eddie and never enough for Elliot," she laughed sadly, cocking her head to the side.
Her words stung, laced with bitterness and weaponized against him in order to protect herself.
"Olivia, look at me." Elliot reached for her, gently taking hold of her upper arm. He turned her towards him. Her eyes were glossy; a well of tears in them threatening to spill over.
"I lost sight of myself," he repeated. "It was a mistake, I assure you. Absolutely nothing more-"
"But you keep making these mistakes," Olivia cut in.
He rubbed his face and groaned into his palm in exasperation. "I fucked up. I know that. But if you'll just give me a chance here, Liv-"
"That's the thing, Elliot, I have been. I have been giving you chances since you came back." Fury flashed before him in her eyes. "I have given you chance after chance and you just keep proving to me that I shouldn't trust you. Everyone has told me to stay away from you and I haven't been listening…and I'm starting to wonder why." Her voice was steady, unwavering in her emotion. She kept her tone even, though she wanted to unleash her pent up anger at him. The glass doors of the terrace separated them from the real world; the one where there was more than just them involved. The one where his mother slept in the room on the other side of the wall, where his children would be returning soon.
"You haven't let me in, not all the way."
"And why should I?" she laughed mercilessly as she threw her hands in the air. "Don't patronize me for that when you've given me absolutely no reason to. You left me for ten years with no contact. You come back and say that you love me, after giving me a letter saying what we were to each other was never real."
"Kathy wrote that," Elliot clarified as he began pacing back and forth.
"But you still gave it to me." Olivia shook her head.
"But in a parallel universe, it will always-"
"-be you and I. Yeah, yeah," she mocked. "You knew what it would do to me, to read those words. And you still…"
"It's always been you, Olivia."
"Funny, I don't believe that. Your actions say otherwise."
"It has." Elliot's movements stopped. "Every time I looked at Kathy, I saw you. How much I want you. How much I love you. How I saw your face in my mind every time I made love to my life, wishing it was your eyes that I was looking into. Do you think I enjoyed that? To know that every time I looked at my wife, I wished she was you? I made vows and I am a man of my word-"
Olivia snorted, cutting him off. "Rich, El."
"Olivia."
"Your words," she used air quotations as she stared at him, "give me whiplash."
"Every time I looked at my wife, I wished she was you." He stared at her. "Angela and Flutura were-"
She bristled at their names, more mistakes lumped into two decades of missed opportunities.
"nothing," he finished, "They were mistakes and I know I fucked up, Liv. I always have. You deserve someone better than me, someone who will treat you as you deserve."
"And what about what I want?" She crossed her arms over her chest. "You talk about what I deserve, but have you even considered what I want?"
Elliot paused, the energy shifting between them. He took a step closer towards her, closing the distance between them, backing her against the brick wall.
"Tell me," he demanded, his voice rough and low. "Tell me what you want, Olivia. Spell it out."
Olivia's eyes searched his for a moment. The same ones she'd stared at across her desk, the ones she'd dreamt about seeing again for the last ten years.
"You."
It was a whisper, but the word came crashing down between them as if she'd screamed it at the top of her lungs. The truth always has a way of coming out eventually.
"Then let me in."
Her breath hitched as she bit her lip. "I can't trust you," she added, her voice growing shaky. "And I can't let myself lose you aga-"
Elliot's lips met hers, silencing the cry from her mouth of all the reasons why they shouldn't, why she couldn't. Olivia softened at his touch, every last guard falling out of the line of defense of her heart. His hands cradled her head, as if he were holding the most precious gemstone in the world between them. His calloused thumbs rested on her velvet cheeks as he vowed to himself to never let her slip through his fingers again.
"It's always been you, Liv," he whispered after they separated. He wiped a tear from her cheek before leaning his forehead against hers. "You are more than enough for me. If anything, I'm the one who isn't enough for you."
"Well, it was about time."
They startled at the additional voice. Elliot turned and they glanced at the door, seeing his mother's petite frame standing in the doorway.
Bernie crossed her arms over her chest as she stared at the two of them.
"Mama."
"I may be old, but I'm not stupid, Elliot."
Olivia bit her lip to stifle a laugh.
"You two have something special. Don't waste it."
"What are you doing up?" he asked.
"Needed water." Bernie shrugged. "I heard voices."
"You need rest, Mama."
"And you, my dear boy, need to make things right." She nodded in Olivia's direction before she turned around and walked back towards her bedroom.
Elliot turned back to Olivia, her eyes avoiding his for a moment as they stood in silence.
"It's always been you," he repeated as his hand threaded through her silky tresses, turning her face towards his. "And Olivia, I will use my last, dying breath to prove that to you."