Prompt: You bake good pies and I'd love to go on a date with you, but I'd never tell you that because you think your petunias are better than mine, and we've been having a silent competition over who can grow the better garden.
The prompt comes from a list reblogged on the-hayffie-penthouse. It was far too fun to pass.
Pie With Benefits
"Don't you think you're taking this a little too seriously?" Portia teased, lifting her perfectly shaped eyebrows in a pointed way.
In bad faith - she could admit that much to herself - Effie pursed her lips. "Not at all."
She ignored her best friend's laughter as they strolled down the streets of the gated community Effie had moved to two years earlier. Every year, at the end of spring or the beginning of the summer, The Village's committee organized a big event for the neighborhood with a few contests such as who baked the best pie, who cooked the best casserole or who had the prettiest house. Effie was very invested in that last one. She had won the first year she had moved in and then lost the next year to her obnoxious and insufferable neighbor. She was determined to win again this year, just so she wouldn't have to endure a whole year of taunting about how her petunias looked neglected and he was happy to water them for her if she needed him to. She was fairly sure it was the worst innuendo she had ever heard.
"I have to say… This kind of neighborly competitions always seem too intense for me…" Portia hummed, obligingly pausing so Effie could inspect Mrs Everdeen's garden more attentively. The house looked very good actually, a serious competitor… None of Aster's doing, probably. And certainly not Katniss' hobby of choice but Prim must have convinced her sister to enter and, no doubt, Haymitch had lent a hand because he was annoyingly endearing that way when the girls were involved.
It was, perhaps, his only redeeming quality.
If only she had taken the empty house in the other lane, the one next to the Odairs… But, no… At the time, she had wanted peace and seclusion – the irony – and the empty house at the very end of the street, at the very top of the hill had seemed perfect. And it was. Or it would have been if not for the annoying neighbor that was Haymitch Abernathy.
She snorted. "You should see the Christmas event."
"I did, remember?" her friend scoffed. "You turned into a manic. It was like watching Cindy Lou's mother fighting with the Mayor's girlfriend in The Grinch…"
"It was not that bad." Effie argued.
"If I recall correctly, you wrapped your house in miles of Christmas lights and you slipped and fell off the ladder…" Portia hummed. "If Haymitch had not caught you…"
"He did not catch me, he broke my fall. Because he was spying on me." she grumbled. It was lucky for both of them the snow had been piling so high and she hadn't even tried to get rid of the days old heap in her front yard. It had cushioned their fall and avoided them a trip to the ER.
"He was coming to offer to plow your driveway for you." Portia countered.
"That is what he claimed." she huffed. "But then he went and bought a ton of Christmas decorations even though he pretended not to be interested." She refused to acknowledge the fact he had also plowed her driveway. And checked her car when it had refused to start because she hadn't used it in too long and left it to face the cold. "And he won too." She hadn't been too angry about that because the work had truly been Prim's and Katniss' and the girls had had a lot of fun decorating his house… She couldn't begrudge their joy. Even if, truly, she would have deserved to win. "He always does that. He claims he does not care but then he goes and tries to steal victory from me."
"Uh-huh…" Portia assented, clearly distracted. "Oh, food."
She dragged Effie toward the little central square with the fountain where booths had been set up for the food competition. She had never entered one of those, she did not want to poison anybody, but she could admit eating the free food was part of the fun.
They must have missed the judges giving their verdict because the food was already being served and a few people wandered around with ribbons pinned to their shirt.
They bypassed the casseroles from common agreement – unsurprisingly Sae had won that one - and headed for the stand holding the pies. Peeta was manning that booth and Effie immediately smiled at him. She had a soft spot for the young man.
But tried as she might, she couldn't see a ribbon pinned to his yellow shirt. "Didn't you enter this year?"
Because there was no doubt at all that if he had, he would have won.
"Katniss and Prim made an apple pie." he explained with a sheepish smile.
Which explained everything really.
"How thoughtful of you…" Effie praised with a small proud smile.
"Have you asked her out yet?" Portia asked, with little tact but a lot of curiosity. They were both very invested in that budding love story.
"She's very busy…" Peeta winced.
Her best friend shook her head and let out a long sigh. "I don't know if it's this place but you are all very hopeless when it comes to your love lives…"
"Portia!" Effie chided, nudging her. "Can we get two slices of pie, Peeta? Perhaps the girls' apple pie, then…"
"You don't want the girls' pie. You want the winning pie." a familiar rumbling voice countered behind her. Next thing she knew she felt his body slid past hers so he could stand in front of the booth, very much in her space.
She was pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes before she even took her first good look at him. Haymitch had cleaned up nicely for the day. Jeans that didn't have a tear for once and a navy blue shirt that was just a touch too tight across the shoulders… He looked far too handsome for his own good despite the too long hair – or maybe because of it.
Her gaze zeroed on the ribbon pinned to his chest. "Do not tell me they have given the results for the prettiest house yet."
"Nah…" he dismissed. "Just the pie one." He wriggled his eyebrows. "Chocolate pie, sweetheart… You know you want it."
Haymitch's chocolate pie? Her mouth was watering at the very thought of it. She had tasted it last summer. And it was probably the best thing she had eaten in a very long time – Peeta's baking notwithstanding. It had tasted like sin.
"Hi." Portia said, a bit pointedly.
Haymitch's grey eyes dragged themselves away from Effie slowly. They were like a heated caress, really, and…
"Hey, sweetheart." he greeted with more warmth than he usually bothered to show with most people. But Portia's and Haymitch's paths had crossed a few times over the last couple of years, notably at events like this because Portia was Effie's default plus one. "Having fun?"
"Oh, spending time around you all is always a riot." Portia deadpanned. She was in an especially caustic mood today, Effie mused. "I will take the pie, though, Peeta."
Effie really wanted to stick with her apple pie choice but, now that she had spotted it, the chocolate pie was almost begging her to get picked…
"You know you want to…" Haymitch mocked, in a low voice, almost directly in her ear. It sent shivers rippling down her spine and her breath caught a little.
"Your gardenias look especially beautiful this year." she complimented, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing her unnerved.
"It looks better than your petunias for sure." He snorted. "Not too much of a green thumb, yeah?"
She hadn't been before moving here and getting into this silly competition but now she could hold her own. Her flowers were pristine.
"You do realize the prettiest house includes the actual house, yes?" she hummed, accepting the slice of chocolate pie Peeta handed her on a paper plate. She decided not to comment about the fact he hadn't tried to give her the apple one. "I am not sure how the judges will feel about the peeling paint on yours… Is it supposed to be a stylistic choice?"
Grey eyes sparkling, he took another step closer, now standing definitely too close for propriety's sake. "Still better than the ugly dwarves on your lawn."
"They are garden gnomes and they are exclusive editions." she huffed, sparing him a glare.
"They look like Snow White's dwarves and they're giving me nightmares." he retorted. "And if you insist on keeping them where I can see them, I'm gonna go and buy one of those ugly pink plastic flamingo and stick it where you can see it from every window. Will even take the extra large model…"
It frightened her that he had clearly put thoughts into this. She suspected he had probably even looked at actual options…
It would be awful if he did that. But on the other hand… "I doubt pink flamingos appeal to the judges…"
She took a bite of the pie then and couldn't help the slight moan of delight. His eyes snapped to her mouth. She licked her lips by reflex, trying to catch any possible crumbs. His upper body seemed to sway toward her…
Portia cleared her throat and, with a jolt, Effie remembered they weren't alone – that they were, in fact, in the middle of a crowded street. They could really get lost in a bubble when they bickered.
"Excellent pie, Haymitch." Her best friend was grinning in that mischievous way that often spelled troubles. "I haven't had anything that good since my last orgasm." Ignoring Peeta's flushed cheeks or Haymitch's amused lift of his eyebrows, Portia soldiered on. Her expression would have been innocent if not for the teasing grin. "Have you, Effie?"
"Given the size of the stick in her ass, it's probably been too long since her last orgasm for her to remember." Haymitch taunted.
Peeta made a hasty gesture toward the next booth. "I'm gonna… be… not here."
Effie didn't blame the boy for scampering off.
She glared at her neighbor and her friend in turn. "My orgasms are none of your business. Honestly. You are both sorely lacking in education to even bring that up."
"See?" Haymitch told Portia. "Very, very big stick…"
Portia's grin turned ferocious. "Well, when you are done tugging on her ponytail, perhaps you could actually do something about it?"
Haymitch frowned. "What?"
"Portia." Effie hissed, slightly crossed now.
"It has been two years of this weird seduction routine." Portia said very seriously, watching the two of them with a pout of her own. "It is very entertaining and everything, don't get me wrong… But, Haymitch, I would safely say you have her attention already so you do not need to partake in ridiculous contests I know you could not care less about. And, you…" Portia turned to Effie. "I love you but honestly he could not make it clearer that he is interested if he kissed you right here in the street. Which he won't do because he is a chicken." She huffed. "I am getting married in three months. You need a date that isn't Seneca Crane because I cannot stand him and you are my maid of honor so that means he would have to sit at the table with us." She gestured at Haymitch. "He likes you. You like him. I like him. Ask him out."
"I'm no chicken." Haymitch grumbled before Effie could either explode at Portia or reassure her that she wouldn't ask Seneca to be her date at her wedding if she didn't want her to.
"Prove it." her best friend challenged.
Haymitch didn't do well with dares, Effie knew that, but she still didn't expect his big hand to coil around her forearm, tugging her an inch closer to him… Their eyes met and there was such a lusty park in his that her heart started racing…
He was going to kiss her.
She was ready for it, her whole body was already leaning toward his in anticipation, but…
He didn't kiss her.
Instead he blinked, apparently getting back to his senses and, after a very long look at her, he tore his gaze away to glare at Portia. "I don't do dates. I don't date."
"Oh, please!" Portia huffed. "Clearly, you are about to make an exception. Must I do all the work, here? Effie, would you like to go on a date with Haymitch?"
"I… Well…" she stammered, feeling like the rug had been pulled from under her feet.
Someone with a speaker cone warned everyone the judges were about to call the prettiest house winner.
That felt like fate. "Oh, look, we have to go!"
She put her plate down and fled.
From Haymitch and Portia both.
The rest of it was a blur. Not entirely surprisingly, they called her name, she went up on the small stage, accepted the ribbon they pinned on her dress and thanked the judges, accepted her neighbors' congratulations…
When she finally escaped the crowd, she found herself face to face with Haymitch who seemed to be waiting for her with his hands in his pockets. He only did that when he was nervous or wanted to hide the tremors in his fingers but with the jeans, it was a tight fit.
Not quite sure how to handle the awkward situation her best friend had put her in – and they would have words about that as soon as she could find her – she reverted to old habits. "I hope you are not too disappointed. There is always next year…"
"There's always Christmas." he retorted, relaxing a little at the familiar banter. But then he wrinkled his nose. "Didn't enter this year, sweetheart."
She frowned. "I do not understand."
He sighed, looking down and tracing random shapes in the dirt with the tip of his boot like a young boy caught doing something wrong. "You wanted to win and… Your friend's got a point, I don't really care about all this shit…"
"But you have been entering all those contests for two years…" she countered. "Why…"
"Cause it annoys you." he admitted. "And I like annoying you."
"Well, that's nice!" she huffed.
"You're hot when you're annoyed." he added, lifting his gaze from the ground to meet hers.
"I am always hot, Haymitch." she replied without batting an eyelash. "Or perhaps you are always annoying…"
His lips twitched into a smirk. "I've got more pie at home… You didn't get to finish your slice…"
She studied him for a moment, trying to figure out what she wanted to do here. Because honestly… "You do not date."
"Do we have to get into this before the chocolate pie?" He made a face. "For all you know, you're gonna hate the pie and never want it again…"
She snorted. "I think I can safely say that is not happening."
The smirk deepened a little. "Fine. I don't date. But I guess I can sometimes go out to eat or have a drink with a neighbor. My treat."
She didn't even try not to roll her eyes. "How generous of you."
"Right?" he asked, sounding very proud of himself. She glared and he dropped the act, offering her his arm a bit tentatively. "So? Pie?"
With a sigh, she surrendered and wrapped both arms around his.
"Pie with benefits." she agreed.
"Shit." He snorted. "If that's how it's gonna be, I'm gonna need to stock up on cooking books…"
I don't really what this is but I had a blast writing it! Portia was so done in this one, I swear... Poor Portia XD I hope you enjoyed it and it made you crave some good chocolate pie (no innuendo intended)! Let me know your thoughts!