Chpt. 34 APOV:
"Ana?" Christian says over dinner a few days later.
"Hmmm?" I ask.
"I need to go into the office for a few hours tomorrow" he sighs. "I'm really sorry…I was hoping to stay home a few more days-"
"Christian" I interrupt. "It's okay. I understand; I knew you would eventually have to go back to work."
"I don't like the idea of leaving you" he squeezes my hand.
"I'll be fine" I promise.
"Sawyer and Gail will both be here all day but if you need me I can easily come home" he says.
"Christian, I promise everything will be fine" I assure him.
"Maybe you can come to the office with me" he suggests.
"Christian, I can't come with you every day" I laugh. "I will be fine here; everything I need is on this floor so there won't be any problems."
"True" he sighs.
"Try not to worry" I kiss him on the cheek.
"Oh, I have something for you" Christian says quickly leaving the room and returning with a large flat box.
"What's this?" I ask.
"It was your Valentine's Day present" he hands me the box. "We were supposed to go to Aspen and I was going to give you this there."
"We were going to Aspen?" I ask surprised.
"Yes, the weekend after your accident" he answers sadly.
"Maybe we can reschedule the trip" I say.
"Already planning it" he smiles.
I open the box and find a brand new Apple laptop computer.
"Christian! This is too much!" I exclaim.
"Nonsense" he said. "You need a computer for your school work."
"Before the accident I managed to get through almost four years of school without one" I shake my head.
"True, but you don't need to" he says.
"Christian, I can't accept this it's way too much" I whine.
"Ana, it's not too much really. It's something you need, it will make applying for jobs easier and for now working on your work study projects" he says.
"I'm going to consider this a loan, I can't accept a gift that costs this much" I say.
"Fine…" he agrees reluctantly. "It's on loan indefinitely."
"Agreed" I pause.
"What is it?" Christian asks concerned.
"I don't know what I got you for Valentine's Day" I answer sadly.
"It's fine Ana, really just having you here with me is enough" he says.
"I just wish I could remember everything" I say in frustration.
"You will Ana" Christian sighs. "Look at how much you've remembered since the accident."
"But look at how much I can't remember" I say angrily.
"Shhhhh baby it's okay" Christian lifts me from the chair.
Christian carries me into the great room, sitting me on his lap on the couch. He wraps his arms around me, holding me closely. I put my head on his shoulder and sigh in frustration; I wish I could remember everything especially what Christian and I shared. Although I find myself falling for Christian again, I can't help but feel like I'm missing something, that there's a piece of our history that I need to remember to move forward, but I don't know what it is. We sit like this for I don't know how long before I feel Christian rubbing small circles on my back. It's only at this time do I realize his arms were wrapped around my lower back; how have I not realized this before now? I gasp in shock.
"Ana? Are you okay?" he asks his eyes full of concern.
"Your arms…"I whisper. "You're touching my back."
"Oh God, I'm sorry…"Christian says quickly moving his arms.
"I didn't realize you were touching me" I say in shock.
"Shhhhhhhh" Christian says carrying me into my bedroom.
"How did I not realize your arms were on my back?" I ask, still in shock.
"Because you trust me" he whispers holding me close to him. "You may not remember everything, but I think your body at least knows it can trust me. I will never hurt you Ana."
I pull Christian closer to me, needing to feel his body against mine. He slips out of his clothes before reaching over to turn off the light as I cuddle next to him. I rest my head on his chest, my injured leg lays between us and my arm rests on his stomach. He wraps his arm around my shoulders holding close to him, kissing my head before whispering that he loves me. We quickly fall asleep wrapped in each other's arms.
"Noooooooooooooo" a moan wakes me suddenly.
I feel Christian moving against me, we were still in the same position in which we fell asleep in. He continues to whimper and moan against me, clearly in the midst of a nightmare.
"Christian!" I call his name but get no response.
I run my hand up and down his chest, his stomach and press my body against his. When he had a nightmare in the hospital he said it was my touch that brought him out of it so I'm hoping what he said then was true. I'm as close to him as I could possibly get, holding him against me when I finally feel his body start to calm down. He continues to whimper, occasionally mumbling words that I struggle to understand.
"STOP!" He screams suddenly, thrashing against me again.
"CHRISTIAN!" I say louder but still get no response.
I pull him towards me, forcing him onto his side as I wrap my leg around his waist and push myself closer to him. He continues to whimper but doesn't struggle against me. Becoming braver, I pull his face to mine and kiss him gently on the lips. Immediately the whimper and moans stop and I can feel his body relax against mine. His arm wraps around my waist, anchoring me to him but he doesn't seem to wake up. I hear his breathing slow down and I realize his nightmare must have ended as his body full relaxes against mine. As I try to fall back to sleep, I notice once again his arm is on my lower back which doesn't trigger anything with me. I am truly stunned that he has touched me several times on my back in the last couple of days and I haven't freaked out. Maybe he was right, maybe on some level my body remembers his touch and knows that he won't hurt me.
I wake the next morning in the same position we fell asleep in after Christian's nightmare. I try to move but his arm, which is still wrapped around my waist, pulls me closer to him. This subtle move pushes me against his hard erection; my sundress must have bunched up during the night because he is against my silk panties. I try to move away but he continues to hold me close to him; his erection rubs against my sex and his lips suddenly find mine. I gasp in surprise and he takes this opportunity to thrust his tongue into my mouth, he holds me tightly against him and I feel his erection twitch against me.
"Morning" he says.
"I think someone is happy to see me" I say blushing.
"How could I not be with you wrapped around me" he smiles gently moving himself against me.
"Hmmmmmmm" I moan at the continued sensations.
"I should probably get ready for work" he moans before kissing me deeply again.
"Stay" I suck on his lips.
"Hmmmmmmmm" he moans as I gently rock my hips against him as the need rises. "Ana….If I stay here much longer I won't want to stop."
"Then don't" I whisper.
"Oh baby" he sighs. "I don't want to hurt you…I don't want to rush you. This can wait until you're better, until you remember more if you want."
"Christian…I want you to a" I say against his lips. "I want to experience the connection I see in my memories."
"Ana…baby…are you sure?" he pulls away so he could look at me.
"I'm sure Christian" I assure him. "Please, love me."
His lips crush mine, his arms pulling me close and I can feel how much he wants me as he continues to rub himself against my sex. I feel my panties getting wetter by the minute and moan as his hand finds my breast, my nipple quickly hardening by his touch. I gently try to pull his underwear down with one hand, which proves more difficult than I thought but he quickly comes to my rescue and pushes them down freeing his erection in the process. He quickly removes my sundress before his mouth attacks mine again as his hand roams over my entire body. His lips leave mine, leaving light kisses all over my skin as he makes his way down my stomach. My breath hitches as he plants a kiss on my sex through my underwear, gently nipping me before he slowly pulls my panties down. His mouth returns to my sex, kissing me deeply, I feel his tongue on my folds and my clit as I moan loudly. He sucks gently on my clit, his tongue flicking across it and I feel the excitement gushing from my core.
"Christian…" I moan.
"You taste so good baby" his tongue circles my opening teasing me further.
"I need you, please" I shamelessly beg, wanting to feel him inside of me.
"Are you sure Ana?" he asks his lips right above mine as he leans over me.
I answer by reaching between us, grasping his erection and guiding him to my opening. He looks at me as if asking for permission; I nod before pulling his lips to mine and opening my legs further granting him full access.
"Oh God!" I moan as he enters me.
"I've missed you so much Ana" he pushes into me further.
"Ahhhhhhhhhh" I moan as thrusts into to me completely.
"Are you okay?" He asks.
"Yeah," I say breathlessly.
I feel so full; I knew Christian was large but my God he feels huge inside of me! He starts slowly moving and the feeling is beyond words. His mouth crushes mine, his tongue exploring me as my hands roam up and down his back before finally resting on his nice firm ass. I find myself trying to push him further into me, needing to feel him deeper as the orgasm builds.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh" I moan loudly finding myself on the edge.
"You feel amazing Ana…so tight, so hot" he moans. "I love the way you grip me when I'm inside of you."
"Ahhhhhhhh" his words practically send me over the edge but once again I find myself needing something.
Christian must sense I'm close as he increases his pace and intensity, nearly pulling all the way out before thrusting deeply inside of me. Each time he enters me, he hits a spot that intensifies everything so much. Our breathing is heavy, we are both moaning loudly and I can tell Christian is getting close to his own release. I'm so close, yet my body seems to defy me keeping me on the edge prolonging the wonderful feeling.
"Let go Ana, I want to feel you!" He screams and my body immediately complies.
"CHRISTIAN!" I scream as the orgasm rips through me, so much harder than the one a few days ago after my bath.
"ANA!" Christian screams as he pulls out of me, finding his release on my stomach.
He collapses next to me, kissing me passionately as our breathing finally returns to normal. That was so intense; the connection we had, the desperation, it was as if I could feel everything he felt for me through his body.
"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" He asks.
"No, I'm fine" I assure him.
"You're not still on the pill right?" He asks.
"No" I blush. "I was on the pill?"
"Yes, you had started it shortly after the first time we made love" He smiles.
"Oh" I whisper. "Maybe I have a refill at the pharmacy."
"I can call and check for you" he offers.
"I don't even know what pharmacy I used" I laugh.
"No worries, we can figure it out" he says. "The package is probably still in your bag, it should say there."
"What happened to my stuff after the accident?" I ask, realizing I would have been carrying at least a bag.
"The hospital gave it to us when you were admitted, I believe Taylor put it in my room" he answers.
"Oh," I say. "If you could find it, I'm sure I could get a refill."
"Are you sure?" he asks. "If you would rather I use condoms…"
"Did we use them before?" I ask.
"At first yes" he admits. "But then you surprised me by starting the pill. There was one time when we got caught up in the heat of the moment and didn't use a condom until after your first orgasm. I think it was in that moment we both realized how wonderful it felt to have that connection without a barrier in between us because it was a week or so later that you started the pill. Once you started it we never went back to condoms."
"You did feel pretty amazing just now" I blush and kiss him to hide my embarrassment.
"That's an understatement baby" He smiles and kisses me.
Christian uses a warm washcloth to clean me off before helping me get dressed for the day. The connection we just had was everything I had hoped it was. It felt just as strong now as it looked in the memories that I have had when we were intimate. Christian excuses himself to get ready for work after insuring I have everything I need. I make my way to the kitchen where Gail is already starting breakfast.
"Good Morning Ms. Steele" Gail greets me.
"Good Morning. Please call me Ana" I smile.
"Would you like a cup of tea?" she asks.
"I would, thank you" I agree. "Can I help you with breakfast?"
"I'm almost done, I just have the toast to prepare" she places the cup of tea on the breakfast bar where I'm sitting.
"If you move the toaster over here I can do that while you finish breakfast" I suggest.
"That's okay, I don't mind" she says.
"It's okay, I don't mind" I say wanting to be helpful.
"If you insist" she smiles moving the toaster and the bread to the breakfast bar.
By the time Christian comes down to the kitchen Gail and I are laughing hard; I swear she has me laughing so hard tears are running down my face.
"Did I miss something?" Christian says sitting next to me.
"No Mr. Grey" Gail says blushing.
"It seems you don't know how to cook" I giggle.
"Oh boy…what story did you tell her Gail?" Christian laughs.
"The one where you tried to microwave a can of chicken noodle soup" she admits.
"It sounded like a good idea at the time" he admits. "Who knew you can't microwave cans."
"Um everyone!" I laugh.
"Mr. Grey, Ana…I will be going to the market today for some groceries. Do either of you have anything specific you would like me to pick up?" Gail asks once we stop laughing.
"No" Christian says.
"I don't, but would you mind if I went along?" I ask.
"It's fine with me…Mr. Grey?" Gail defers to Christian.
"I don't know…" he sighs, his eyes full of concern.
"Please Christian" I beg. "I haven't left the apartment since I was released from the hospital. I haven't seen the outside in almost three weeks!"
"Sawyer must be with you at all times" he warns.
"Of course" I agree.
"You feel comfortable getting in and out of the car?" he asks.
"Yes" I smile.
"As long as Sawyer is with you it's fine" he agrees. "But if you start feeling tired or sore have him take you home immediately."
"I will" I hug him. "Thank you."
"Why don't we plan on going out for dinner Friday night? You're right you have been cooped up in here for a while" he suggests.
"Sure" I smile.
Christian leaves for work, but not before checking that I have everything I need several times and I end up having to push him out the door. He worries so much but really has nothing to worry about. I'm more comfortable transferring in and out of my chair than I was when I first came home from the hospital. I help Gail prepare her shopping list, taking inventory of the very large pantry that is off the kitchen. I swear it has more food in it to feed the four of us for weeks but Gail explains that as anything that is unopened approaches the expiration date it is donated to a local food bank so it is not wasted. Gail and I discuss the menu for the week, including ideas for her and I to have for lunch since Christian and Taylor will be at GEH at least most of the day. I ask her to add a few items to the list, but she has the majority of them already in the pantry.
"They sound like the ingredients for a chocolate cake" Gail says.
"It is…" I smile. "Would you mind helping me make it later this week?"
"Sure…I have almost everything you need" Gail agrees.
"Great, I hope Christian likes it" I say.
"He loves chocolate cake" she informs me.
"Oh perfect" I say.
Suddenly I see a flash of me making a chocolate cake in Kate's kitchen. I seem to be alone which is odd because if I were baking a cake I would assume Kate would have been there. I wonder how long I lived with Kate? I thought Christian said it was fairly recently…maybe I was making one when she was in classes or working on a project for the school paper. I'll have to ask Kate about it.
"Ana?" Gail snaps me from my memory.
"Sorry" I apologize.
"Are you okay?" she asks.
"Oh, I'm fine…just a brief memory" I smile.
"I'm going to get changed and let Sawyer know we will leave after lunch if that works for you?"
she asks.
"Sure" I say.
Everything okay? –C
You've been gone for less than an hour J -A
I know…I miss you –C
I miss you too –A
When are you going shopping? –C
After lunch –A
Stay close to Sawyer and Gail –C
Yes sir –A
Christian must be busy because he doesn't respond to my last text; I can't help but smile at how far we have come. Although I was nervous at first, I'm glad I'm staying with Christian. I don't think we would be as close as we are now if I had insisted on staying with Kate or somewhere else. I've been remembering more and more every day, not only about Christian but about my friendship with Kate and the different places I've stayed before moving in with Kate. I've started to review the work study assignments my professors sent over, most are research papers which I don't expect to be too difficult to complete. I developed a schedule to work on each project for a certain time with a goal of having everything completed before graduation.
"Are you ready Ana?" Gail walks into the great room.
"Yes, I'm ready" I say.
"Sawyer is bringing the manual wheelchair down from the library for us to use" she says just as Sawyer walks in.
We arrive to the market with relative ease; since it's the middle of the day it is not crowded and Sawyer is able to get a parking spot fairly close to store. Since we did not bring the electric wheelchair, Sawyer pushes my chair through the parking lot and the store as Gail pushes a shopping cart. Gail and I review everything on her list and she adds a few items as we go through the store that she says are a good deal. I've never been in such a high end grocery store so to me the prices look very high compare to what I'm usually used to spending. Most items here are organic or indicate they are free of certain chemicals which I suppose is that is adding to the high cost. Although, most of these brands I've never heard of either.
"Sawyer, would you mind getting that jar from the top shelf?" Gail asks.
"Sure, ma'am" He says turning around.
"Ana, how nice to see you!" An older blond lady approaches me from the opposite end of the aisle.
"I'm sorry…." I say confused.
"Oh dear, I heard you were in an accident" She says.
"Excuse me…we need to be going" Sawyer interrupts us rudely.
"Be sure to tell Christian I send my lovely darling" she glares at Sawyer.
"Come Ana, let's finish our shopping" Gail says walking down the aisle quickly.
"Gail, who was that?" I ask once she is out of ear shot.
"Oh, ummmm…you should probably ask Mr. Grey about her" Gail mumbles.
I don't push the subject as a flash quickly takes over. I see myself yelling at the blond lady and suddenly throwing a drink on her. Why would I throw a drink on someone? I'm not a violent person; what could she have said to me that had me that angry? I see Christian yelling at her as well just before Grace enters the room and slaps her across the face.
"Ms. Steele…Ana?" Sawyer pulls me from the memory.
"I'm fine…" I say realizing we are in the middle of the grocery store and people are starting to stare.
"Do you want to go home Ana? I can come back another time" Gail offers.
"No, it's fine" I sigh. "Let's get everything on your list."
Sawyer finishes typing something on his phone as we resume our shopping. I can't get that lady out of my head; I can't fathom the idea that I was so mad that I threw a drink on someone. Why would Grace have gotten so upset that she slapped her? Grace seems like such a wonderful lady, I never would have thought she would slap someone like that had I not seen it. We quickly finish our shopping but I think Gail rushed through what was needed so we could leave the store as she kept looking back to check on me as we were going through the store.
"Ana are you okay?" Christian rushes to me as soon as the elevator doors at Escala open.
"Christian…why are you home early?" I ask confused.
"Sawyer told me what happened, I wanted to make sure you were okay" he bends down to hug me tightly.
"I'm okay….I have lots of questions but you didn't need to leave work early to come home Christian" I say.
"I know…come let's talk" he sighs wheeling me into the great room.
"Who was she?" I ask as we sit on the couch.
"Her name is Elena Lincoln, she was a close friend of my parents" he answers.
"Was?" I clarify.
"Yes, past tense" he says.
"I threw a drink on her?" I ask.
"Yes" he answers but doesn't elaborate.
"Your mom slapped her" I say, rather than ask.
"She did" Christian says sadly.
"Why? What happened that everyone was so mad?" I ask.
"We're going to need a drink for this conversation Ana" he leaves the room briefly before returning with a bottle of bourbon, a bottle of wine and two glasses.
"Christian?" I ask worried.
"I've been dreading you remembering this again" he admits, taking a large gulp from his glass.
"You don't have to tell me" I say, but I know for us to move forward eventually he is going to need to tell me.
"No, I do" He says firmly. "Ana, what happened that night led to us spending several days apart from each other in which I thought I lost you. I'm scared to death that you will run when you hear this…again."
"Christian, I'm not going anywhere. I promise" I vow squeezing his hand tightly.
"Don't be so sure" he takes another drink. "The night you are remembering was Christmas day, you had come over for dinner at my parent's house. Elena had arrived unexpected; my mother asked her to join us for desert-"
"I made a cake" I remember.
"Yes, chocolate my favorite" he barely smiles. "You excused yourself to use the restroom, however you didn't come back for a while. I went searching for you only to find Elena yelling at you; she called you a gold digging whore-"
"Which is when I threw the drink on her" I say remembering the conversation now.
"Yes" he pauses.
"She kept saying I wouldn't be able to meet your needs…." I recall the conversation. "Oh my god, you slept with her."
"It was a long time ago, but yes" he admits sadly.
"She told me how you like to….fuck women…how she taught you to fuck women" I pale. "You admitted that she taught you how to fuck…that's when your mom slapped her."
"Yes" he admits.
"You and her….You're into BDSM?" I whisper.
"Not any longer, no" he looks me in the eye so I can see he isn't lying. "For a long time, I was yes."
"Oh…I…" I stutter speechless.
"Please Ana…please listen to me" he begs. "That is not who I am, not anymore."
"Did you and I….tell me we didn't?" I can't even say the words.
"No! I was done with that lifestyle before I met you" he assures me.
"I think I need another glass of wine" I finish the wine in my glass.
We both sit for a long time in silence, I don't know what to say. Obviously this is not new information; Christian says he told me all this before and that it almost ruined our relationship. I can see why now; there is no way in hell I would ever be involved in that lifestyle. I could never let someone willingly beat me…not after Stephen….
"Please Ana talk to me" he begs.
"I don't know what to say" I admit. "I could never be that person-"
"I never wanted you as a sub Ana, you were never that to me" he states.
"You used to punish women who broke your rules?" I ask.
"Yes, but they wanted it" he says.
"They wanted it?" I smirk.
"Yes…I know to you this doesn't make sense" he pauses. "With every woman we had a contract stating what she would and would not do. The rules were outlined in the contract as were the punishments. She had to agree to the punishments."
"And if she didn't agree to it?" I ask.
"Punishments are a part of the lifestyle, so she would agree to some sort of punishment. She might not want a cane but would agree to belt" he explains.
"Oh God" I say in shock.
"Ana, every sub had a safe word that they could use at any time" he says.
"A safe word?" I clarify.
"It's a word that would stop everything…once a sub says that word the entire scene stops including any and all punishments" he explains.
"So she would really want to be punished?" I ask not understanding why someone would willingly get beat with a belt or a cane.
"Yes" he sighs. "I know it's hard for you to understand…well given everything you have been through. But it's about control; most subs want to give up control. They like the idea of having someone take control of them in the bedroom, to have all of their needs met."
"What did you get out of it?" I ask.
"Control" he says simply. "I told you that before I met you, no one touched my chest or my back right?" I nod. "Can you imagine how difficult it would be to have sex without someone touching you there?"
"That's why I didn't….well before you" I blush.
"I would restrain the women during a scene so they wouldn't touch me" he explains.
"They liked to be tied up?" I ask surprised.
"Yes" he smiles. "It can be a turn on, not being able to touch your partner and letting them do whatever they want to your body."
"Oh" I say, trying to ignore the wetness in my underwear as I imagine this. "Did you ever restrain me?"
"No" he answers quickly. "We have not experimented in the bedroom, although we could if that's something that appeals to you."
"And if it didn't?" I ask concerned.
"I told you before, I will take you anyway I can have you" he kisses me gently. "If you were to tell me you never wanted to use any toys, restrains or anything in the bedroom I would be fine. If you were to tell me you wanted to try out toys or restrains, I would be fine with that too."
"Do you miss it?" I ask.
"BDSM?" he clarifies.
"Yes" I answer.
"No" he says quickly. "For a long time I thought it met my needs; I was able to have sex with no emotion and there was no risk of someone touching my chest and back. Before I met you though I began to realize it wasn't enough, I actually found myself wanting an emotional connection to a woman. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew I would never see you as a sub."
"Mr. Grey, Ana" Gail interrupts us.
"Yes Gail?" Christian asks.
"Dinner is served when you are ready" she leaves the room.
"How about we eat and continue this conversation?" Christian asks.
"Sure" I answer.
We eat in silence, neither of us knowing what to say. I'm trying to understand everything Christian has just told me, trying to wrap my head around the person he is describing. It sounds the complete opposite of the Christian who has been with me since I woke up in the hospital. I'm relieved that he told me that him and I were never involved in that…that type of activity. I don't think I would have believed him if he told me I let him beat me before he fucked me. I could see how he said this almost ended us before, as I struggle to see how he could give up this lifestyle. What if he needed it again? What if this stop was only temporary?
"Ana, I see the wheels turning in your head" he says as we return to the great room with our drinks refilled.
"I'm trying to make sense of it all" I admit.
"What are you thinking? Talk to me baby" he begs.
"How do you know you won't miss it later? What if I'm not enough?" my eyes fill with tears.
"Baby, I promise you…." He pulls me onto his lap. "You are everything I will ever need. You are everything I didn't even know I wanted. I will never want to return to what I did before, I promise you that."
"Because…I could never…Christian you have to know that punishments…" I stutter trying to figure out how to word it.
"I would never punish you" he assures me. "I will never give you a list of rules that you need to follow and then punish you if you don't. I will never hit you."
"Good" I sigh in relief.
"Do you have any other questions?" he asks.
"Tell me what happened after your mom slapped her" I request.
"Taylor escorted her out before taking you home. I needed to come clean to my parents about everything that had happened and you told me you needed time" he smiles softly. "The next few days were hell. I sent you flowers, you thanked me but still said you needed more time. I thought I was losing you, I stopped eating, stopped working, barely drank…I was a mess."
"What happened?" I ask shocked, I can't picture the strong man holding me losing it like that.
"Days went by; we didn't talk. I tried to respect your request for space but I didn't think you would ever come back to me knowing what I had done…" he takes a deep breath. "Taylor approached you as your shift ended at the restaurant asking you to come talk to me. Thankfully you agreed; you ordered me to take a shower and put clean clothes on while you heated up dinner-"
"Gail helped me heat up macaroni and cheese?" I ask remembering a memory from earlier in the week of me in Christian's kitchen.
"Yes" he confirms. "I was so afraid you would be gone when I got out of the shower that I raced downstairs surprised to still find you in the kitchen. I thought you would have left or that you were a dream. You stayed with me that night, and for several nights after that."
"Do you still talk to her?" I ask quietly, not sure I want to know the answer.
"Elena?" he asks, I nod. "No, I have not spoken to her since Christmas dinner."
"She told me to give you her love" I say.
"She was just trying to get to you" he assures me. "I've had nothing to do with her since that day. It took me a long time to realize what she did was wrong."
"What she did?" I ask.
"She introduced me to BDSM when I was fifteen" he says quietly.
"You were a child!" I exclaim angrily.
"At the time, it seemed like what I needed" he admitted. "It wasn't until I talked to my parents on Christmas did I truly see it as abuse. She had convinced me that it made me who I was."
"Oh Christian" I hug him.
"Do you remember seeing her at the restaurant?" he asks a few minutes later.
"I don't think so…" I try to remember her but only see flashes of her face but clear enough to figure out where.
"She apparently was there the night of your accident" he says.
"Do you think she…" I ask.
"No, we checked…she was in a hotel around the time of your accident in a different city" he explains.
"I see" I say relieved.
"I have someone keeping an eye on her and Welsh is checking her financial statements just to be sure she had nothing to do with it" he replies.
"I think I would like to go to bed" I yawn a few moments later.
"Of course" he assists me from his lap into my chair.
Christian follows me to my room, helping me change into pajamas and get ready for bed. I notice Christian hasn't taken off his clothes or made any attempt at getting ready for bed.
"Aren't you coming to bed?" I ask.
"I wasn't sure…." He answers.
"Christian, please come to bed with me" I say.