A/N: Hi all! I apologize for taking so long to update! I've been super busy lately and just haven't had the time (and sometimes the motivation) to write, but here I am! :) Thank you to everyone who has been reading, reviewing, and following!

Chapter 19: It's Not a Party

"Calm down, Usagi. You're making me nervous."

Though Mamoru's words reached her ears, Usagi found that she couldn't just calm down. There was so much to do! Much to Mamoru's surprise (and obvious annoyance), the blonde had spent the last few hours bouncing from room to room in the apartment - vacuuming, fluffing pillows, triple-checking that there was enough bathroom tissue on the holder, and moving the stack of dishes to different areas of the kitchen countertop.

"Usagi, you already moved that three times. That's where it started," he said with a sigh and a shake of his head.

"I just want to make sure everything is perfect, Mamo. We can't have any distractions or-oh, will you get the door," she continued, barely taking time to breathe despite the sound of the doorbell interrupting, "-that should be the pizza, oh and can you make sure the coffee pot-"

"The coffee's ready to go, Usa," Mamoru called from down the hallway.

He stacked the boxes on the kitchen counter and then looked over his shoulder, surprised to see Usagi standing there, silent.

"What's wrong?"

"The pizza makes it weird, doesn't it? Oh God, Mamo," Usagi groaned, fat tears welling in her blue eyes, "We're making our friends celebrate our breakup with a pizza party!"

"No, Usagi," Mamo sighed heavily and pinched his nose. "It's… well, let's start off by acknowledging that this entire situation is odd."

"Okay," Usagi sniffed as she reached for the boxes. She didn't even understand why she was crying. She froze when she felt Mamoru's familiar hand wrap itself gently around her wrist.

"Look at me," he said, his voice soft and yet commanding. "It's not a pizza party. It's a meeting."

"It's a meeting," Usagi repeated.

"Yes. A meeting that you scheduled during dinnertime to accommodate everyone's schedule, so to be courteous, we're providing dinner."

Both of his hands settled firmly on the young woman's shoulder. She closed her eyes, feeling comforted by the pressure.

She felt grounded for the first time since she woke up that day.

"I'm here, Usagi. You're not doing this alone. It's all going to be okay."

She closed her eyes and let out a long sigh through curved lips, willing the nervousness that danced throughout her body to calm down. Suddenly she had an awful thought.

What if they just didn't tell anyone?

What if they stayed together and worked on things?

The image of Seiya's mischievous smile erased the thought - a panicked, self-centered thought - from her brain. With that, she decided to pull away and busy herself with setting mugs out near the coffee pot, trying to focus only on the coolness of the glossed ceramic handles and the sounds the mugs made when the bottoms clinked against the countertop.

"Do you want help with that?" Mamoru asked gently. Usagi didn't know why, but suddenly the air in the room felt stale. Even though the man beside her had just comforted her with his touch, she now felt that he was standing too close.

"No." The sound of knuckles knocking on the wood door reached her ears, and she murmured a soft, "Will you get that please?"

"Too scared?" Mamoru said. Usagi could see a small spark of amusement in his eyes.

"No, I just think they'll be really excited to see you."

The next fifteen minutes were a blur. Beyond the sound of blood pumping in her ears, she could hear the repeated gasps of, "You're here!" and "Mamoru-san!" as the senshi entered the apartment, one by one, and gave the man warm hugs.

"We weren't expecting you," Michiru said in surprise.

"It was very short notice," he said with a wry smile.

"Well, we're all here. Is everything okay?" Minako asked.

"Yes, everything's fine. Why don't you all get something to eat and then we'll start in about 20 minutes?"

Much too nervous to eat, Usagi paid more attention to the clock on the wall than she did to the pizza on her plate. When the bell chimed throughout the living room, she looked to see where Mamoru was - to ask him if there was anyone else they were expecting - but he seemed busy, working open a bottle of wine as Ami asked about his studies.

"I'll get that," she muttered quickly before dropping her plate of pizza on the coffee table and moving to the door. She heard Minako yell, "Who is that!" over her shoulder but choose to ignore her.

When she opened the door, she couldn't stop the surprised "Oh!" from slipping from her lips. Quickly, she stepped out into the hallway and abruptly pulled the door shut behind her.

"Seiya," she gasped out. "What are you doing here?"

"You haven't answered my calls. I got worried." He said. The hallway's fluorescent lighting was harsh, darkening the circles beneath man's usually lively eyes.

"I, I'm sorry. I wasn't ready to talk," she said softly.

"Sounds like a party in there," he said, nodding toward her apartment.

"We have a senshi meeting in about fifteen minutes." She said. Laughter spilled into the hallway.

"Sounds like a really important meeting."

She bit her lip, wishing she could invite him in. I want you to be part of this.

"Seiya-kun, I'm glad you came by today because I really want to talk to you. I think we should sit down and talk about everything. All of it." She glanced nervously behind her, then stepped forward and asked with twiddling thumbs, "Do you think we can meet somewhere later tonight and talk?"

Just then, the door opened to reveal Mamoru. With a glass in hand, he asked, "Usako, are you-" Suddenly, his face fell. Seiya's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Mamoru."

"Seiya," he said evenly.

Feeling the thick discomfort between the two, Usagi offered meekly, "There's pizza if you want some." She pretended like she didn't see the baffled look that Mamoru shot her.

"No, thanks." Seiya eyed the other man carefully, and Usagi imagined that was trying to read Mamoru to figure out if he knew what happened between them.

"I was just dropping by to say hi because I was in the neighborhood. I'm going now," he said.

"Seiya-kun, wait," Usagi began, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

"Bye, Usagi. Enjoy your meeting."

As he walked hurriedly toward the stairs, Usagi started after him, but the feel of Mamoru's larger hand grasping her wrist made her stop and look back at him with wide, frantic eyes.

"I'm doing my best to hold it together, Usagi. What you did breaks my fucking heart even though I know exactly why you did it," he whispered. "I don't want you to bring him back here. You have to promise me that you won't bring him back here."

I'm not ready, his eyes said. I can't take it.

"I w-won't, Mamo, I promise." She whispered quickly.

"There's a room full of people waiting on us. This isn't the time." With a defeated sigh, he let go of her wrist and turned to open the door.

"There you are!" Minako chimed through a mouthful of pizza. "Let's get this show on the road, Usagi!"

"Who was that?" Rei asked.

"The neighbor," Mamoru said smoothly. "We were asked to please keep our noise level down."

Just then, the balcony door (which had been open just a bit) slid open a little further, and a pair of cats slinked into the room.

"I hope we're not late," Artemis said apologetically, "We got a little lost coming back and had to hop on a different train."

"Oh, Mamoru, it's so good to see you!" Luna cried, a big smile on her furry face.

"This is great timing. We were just about to begin," Mamoru said, smiling warmly at Luna and Artemis. They jumped onto the back of the couch and settled down, their round eyes focused on their sovereign.

"What's this about, Princess? Why are we all here?"

"Is it a new enemy?" Makoto chimed in.

Usagi suddenly felt afraid and overstimulated. The room felt hot with all of these people in it, and for a moment all the woman could hear was the sound of her own heartbeat. With wide eyes, she took in the room before her, her eyes finally - and somewhat, surprisingly - settling on Haruka. The tall blonde sat on the loveseat with Michiru, an arm draped casually over her porcelain shoulders. Haruka eyed her with an odd intensity - searching, searching…

"If this is about whether or not Sailor Star Fighter can stay, I vote yes. Not all of us are opposed to popular boys," Michiru said, shooting a playful glance to her wife.

"This isn't about Seiya," Usagi answered quietly. With all eyes on her, she froze. She felt like she was in middle school, being called on to answer a question she hadn't even heard. She felt as though she were looking at the room through a tunnel. The room felt small and tight, and she could feel her fingers start to tremble.

She felt a gentle pat on her knee and before she knew it, Mamoru's calm voice began to speak.

"We have something to share with you all. It's difficult, but we-"

"No," Usagi interjected quickly, her hand settling on top of Mamoru's. "I should be the one."

She stood up, her hand still connected to Mamoru's, and looked at her friends.

"I want to start with saying that I'm sorry for shutting you all out," she said, gazing over the curious faces of her friends. "I've tried really hard to cope with everything that's been thrown at us, and after a while, it just got to be too much. I don't ever want to belittle what you all have been through and the sacrifices that you have made for me and this world, but I need you to understand that this life is a little different for Mamoru and me than it is for you. We've been under a pressure that you guys aren't, and I'm okay with that, I'd never want that for any of you. But I know that I've been pushing you away and I just want everyone here to know that it wasn't personal. I can't be sorry for feeling the way I've been feeling, but I am sorry for hurting you."

"It takes a lot of courage to admit that you've been struggling," Ami said gently, a kind warmth in her eyes. "I can't speak for everyone, but I forgive you."

"Me too," chimed Luna.

Usagi sighed, feeling the nerves tumbling in her stomach despite the gentle murmurs of agreement filling the room.

"Mamoru and I…" She trailed off, her eyes glancing at him. He wouldn't meet her gaze. He bowed his head slightly and closed his eyes as if preparing himself for bad news.

"Mamo and I love each other very much," she said before pausing.

"Tell us something we don't know," Makoto joked with a snort. Oddly enough, it was Minako that tapped the brunette's shoulder and whispered in a hushed voice, "No, Mako. Something's happening."

"This is so hard," Usagi choked out, looking to Mamo.

Eyes turned to Haruka as a loud, choked gasp fell from her lips. "Usagi, no!" She said, standing up quickly.

"Don't interrupt her. Sit down." Mamoru commanded quickly. Her blue eyes looked around as if confused that no one else reacted the way she did. Hesitantly, she sat down in her seat, ignoring the concerned look in her wife's eyes or the way she squeezed her hand.

"I know you all will have feelings and opinions about this. I'll listen to them because I'm your princess and you are all important to me, but this decision has been made. It's done, and it's very important to me that you respect that."

Breathe.

"Mamoru and I have decided to call off the engagement and part ways."

The room filled with a thick, heavy silence. Usagi could hear the hitched breaths and the whispered whats.

"This can't be happening", she heard Minako gasp. The blonde looked at her white cat, and then with a sudden spike of anger asked in a hushed voice, "I see it on your face! You knew about this!"

"Not really," Artemis murmured.

"But we had a feeling," Luna added.

"We love each other, but it's not the kind of romantic love that will make us happy in a marriage, certainly not for thousands of years. We're not Serenity and Endymion. Yes, we have their memories and sometimes their thoughts but we're not them. Not anymore. Not that version at least. This life on Earth has changed that. I'm Tsukino Usagi and he's Chiba Mamoru, and we want other things in this life."

"What about Crystal Tokyo?" Luna asked. "What about the Moon Kingdom?"

Mamoru spoke up this time, his calm, rational voice quieting the side talking in the room.

"As you know, Luna, the Moon Kingdom is Usagi's domain. She does not need me - or anyone else - to rule it. As for Crystal Tokyo... we'll deal with that when the time comes," he began. "The fact that we all remember it tells me that it's going to happen, just, maybe not in the way we thought it would. But we can't continue living like this-always anticipating the 'correct' future and walking on eggshells in order to make what we saw reality. We can't. It's not sustainable. Long ago, Serenity and Endymion fell in love and brought together two cultures that despised each other, and now here we all sit as friends. As long as we remain the best of friends, our kingdoms will be at peace."

Standing near a corner in the back of the room, the light casting a shadow over her features, Setsuna chimed in, "The future already changed. It's always changing. That future we all know was just a reflection of where Usagi and Mamoru were when they were younger. Like all young girls, Usagi was idealistic, and that was mirrored in the beautiful future that we saw."

"And what about Seiya?" Haruka asked bitterly. Usagi glanced at Mamoru's face. He tried his best to stay neutral, but she could see the strain. He wasn't ready to talk about Seiya, certainly not in a room full of his friends. Luna bowed her head gently. Usagi knew that as much as Luna loved her, she felt a loyalty to Mamoru as well.

"I don't know, Haruka-chan." She shrugged. "He doesn't know about any of this. This isn't about him. This is happening whether he's in the picture or not. Mamoru and I have had our doubts long before he came back."

"Is this what you really want?" Makoto asked. The former couple looked at each other, locking their eyes.

"Yes," Mamoru said with a nod. "It is. It's been coming for a long time. We were brought together by our shared past and our crazy experiences fighting together and sometimes dying together. Now that things are calm and we've gotten to know each other a little better, we've just grown apart."

Usagi nodded along as he spoke, and though she believed him and agreed with him, his words brought tears to her eyes.

"All we want is your happiness, Usagi-chan," Rei spoke kindly. She leaned forward and added, "And yours, Mamoru. No matter what, you're still our friend and our family, and you are always welcome."

Mamoru smiled warmly, his eyes glistening with fresh tears. "Don't make me cry," he said with a laugh. He sighed and then stood up, facing the group. The girls looked back at him; faces of the family he had grown to love over the past six years. Usagi thought back to when he told her she was his only family.

She hoped he realized how wrong he was.

After answering some more questions from the group, Usagi could feel the energy drain from her body. Her brain foggy and lids heavy, she sighed and closed her eyes, wishing for just a moment to process.

Ever observant, it was Setsuna who said with a gentleness, "Let's take a break from this. Get some coffee, get a glass of wine - let's take a moment to take this all in, hm?"

Grateful, Usagi looked up at the woman who shot her a quick wink back.

The girls began to crowd around the beverages, so Usagi took that moment to slip out onto the balcony. She glanced around, turning so that no one could walk behind her and see her screen, and typed out quickly: Can we talk soon?

Message Read.

She bit her lip, tapping her toes against the concrete as she waited for a response. The slide of the heavy door in the metal track made her look up. Michiru's teal waves fell in front of her face as carefully slid the door completely shut behind her.

"Usagi-chan," she said gently.

"Yes?"

Ding! Usagi felt the phone vibrate in her soft palm.

"I am overwhelmed by this news if I'm being honest, but I just wanted to come outside and apologize."

"You don't need to. I know you were just doing your job."

"No, Usagi-chan. I was being a condescending asshole. That's not my job." The bluntness of Michiru's statement made Usagi laugh. Quickly realizing her misstep, she slapped a hand over her mouth.

"I'm so sorry!" She yelled through her fingers, her voice garbled.

Michiru's laugh was loud, her shoulders shaking with joy.

"No, no, it's okay, Usagi-chan." She smiled and stepped forward, her porcelain-white hand reaching forward. "Truly though, Princess. I am sorry."

Usagi gently rested her hand on Michiru's outstretched palm, curving her fingers when it closed around hers.

"I forgive you, Michiru-chan. I know you were trying to do your best for me."

"I don't like knowing," Michiru admitted softly. "I'm used to feeling things and knowing when things will happen. Haruka says I have a wonderful intuition." She paused, looking off to the bright city lights below them. "I didn't see this coming and that scares me. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel as if I have been wrong for so long and like I've been fighting for... no, I'm sorry, I shouldn't."

"Everything we've done has meant something," Usagi said softly. "Crystal Tokyo isn't the end-all. It isn't the reason we did everything we did. We did what we did because we love our people and because we have a duty to protect them."

"Yes," she said with a warm smile. "You're right, Princess." She stepped forward, and to Usagi's surprise, wrapped the younger woman in a tight embrace.

"You are so much wiser than we give you credit for sometimes," she mumbled into her hair. Stepping back, she set her hands on Usagi's shoulders and looked into her watering eyes. "And so brave, Princess. You said so many things tonight that would be hard for anyone, but you did it with your head held high. I am so proud of you."

"T-thank you," Usagi said softly. "Hey, Michiru-chan? Do you think Haruka-san will forgive me?"

Michiru gave a playful roll of her eyes. "Oh, don't worry about Haruka. She'll come around. Her loyalty to you is a lot stronger than her dislike for Sailor Star Fighter, I can promise you that."

"This wasn't about Seiya," she answered quietly.

Before Michiru could answer her, the screen door slid open and Haruka popped her head through the open space. "We have an early day tomorrow, let's get going?"

"Yes, dearest." Haruka retreated back inside as Michiru moved to give the young blonde a tight hug.

"I'm sorry we have to leave so early! Let's get together for dinner soon, Usagi-chan."

When she reached the glass door, she paused for a moment and turned to say, "Seiya loves you very much; anyone can see that. I think you two will be very happy together."

Usagi frowned before opening her mouth to again say, "This isn't about Seiya," but Michiru was already gone. With a huff, she pressed a button on her phone to bring her screen back to life. Her frown deepened as she read his reply. She huffed again, this time dropping the phone roughly on the metal table. She took a moment to swallow the lump in her throat and breathe. Only a few tears escaped, but she was quick to reach out and wipe them away.

"Whatever," she grumbled, turning away from the offending phone and stepping back inside of the apartment.

She rejoined the group and did her best to smile and be social, but all she could think about was the phone on her balcony. Of course, the more she tried to forget about the text, the bigger the words seemed in her mind.

On the screen they were normal. Just words. Just a message.

But in her mind, they were thick, glaring, and underlined.

No. I'm busy and there's nothing for us to talk about. See you around.