Hey everyone! I know it's been a while. Sorry I've been away for a bit but I haven't stopped working on this story! I hope you all enjoy this chapter. It's one I loved writing. Just a note, there's a lot of moving back and forth between the present time and the past on Earth. I did my best and I hope it isn't too confusing.
/
Usagi's mouth burned as the smoky liquid washed over her tongue; her nose scrunched in a futile attempt to dispel the burn. Through her watery eyes she could see Haruka still looking at her expectantly. Usagi's heart drummed in her ears.
She took another sip, nearly choking this time. She was stalling. But Haruka wasn't going to let her get away without answers and she wasn't going to be able to give them without help.
What's going on with you kitten?
Such a straightforward question, but where should she even start? Her thoughts had been ripped from the straight and narrow path since the moment she arrived on Kinmoku, Seiya's presence twisting and bending them at every turn. She called her away with every smile, every caress, asking her to move with her into unknown spaces. And Usagi wanted to.
Haruka raised her eyebrow, the silence taught between them as the air thickened with the building storm outside. The sweet electric breeze rustled through the open lattice windows, it's scent filling the room. The whole world drawn tight in anticipation.
"What? The timeline going missing and Demande coming back from the dead isn't enough for you?" Usagi forced a laugh.
Haruka leaned back in her chair, fixing Usagi in her icy blue gaze. She couldn't escape what she knew was coming. "You know that's not what I mean kitten." Haruka's tone darker than the one she'd grown accustomed to on their late nights together.
Usagi stared at the amber liquid in her glass, her nails running over its smooth ridges. Words pressed against her throat, struggling to burst free. But she hesitated.
Behind her, the red eyes of Neo Queen Serenity loomed over her shoulder, chilling her bones. She wouldn't let Usagi continue so easily.
Usagi downed another sip, craving warmth. Her veins sang and buzzed as the alcohol washed through her.
"I just needed to get away for a bit, Haruka, that's all." She struggled to keep her voice light.
While this practiced half-truth was more polished, having clung to it over the past few weeks, Haruka wasn't swayed.
Why couldn't she just be honest? It never used to be this hard.
"We both know that you didn't just come here to get away."
Usagi's heart dropped. Apparently, nothing about this was going to be easy.
Haruka sighed and ruffled her hair, "Okay, why don't we start in a different place. What happened when I saw you that day in Minato? Why didn't you tell me you were running from Mamoru's place?"
Usagi sank back against her chair as Haruka leaned forward. She could almost feel the hair on Haruka's arm stand to attention. She knew how Haruka felt about Mamoru and this wasn't going to help the situation. "I asked him if he would still love me if we hadn't been destined to be together. If we weren't the reincarnations of Prince Endymion and Princess Serenity."
"And what did he say?"
"He said that it was destiny and that we shouldn't worry about what ifs. That someday we would bring about a golden age for the world…. . I just, I just couldn't stay there any more. Everything felt like it was closing in around me. I needed to get away and then I ran into you and well…" Usagi took another sip as the memory flashed across her mind, Mamoru's eyes wide with hurt, as she pushed him away. His steel blue eyes left the confines of her mind and joined Serenity's behind her.
"And you teleported yourself halfway across the galaxy for some space?" Haruka finished for her, eyes glancing over the room.
Usagi nodded, "More or less."
"I'm just taking a stab in the dark here kitten, but since none of the others were able to guess where you were, you still haven't told them."
Usagi shook her head. Another regret.
Haruka let out a sigh, shaking her head, "Kitten, what am I going to do with you?"
Usagi felt a half smile pull at her lips as she chuckled, the weight around them lightening with the memory of the first time Haruka had asked her that question.
"You know Haruka, I still don't know."
/
Three days.
It had only been three days since Haruka'd last seen Michiru and she could already feel the anxiety growing under her skin. The rhythm and flow of her days knocked off kilter.
Before she'd met Michiru she prided herself on being untethered, free to follow the wind. Spending weeks at the race track or to hop on her bike and ride wherever the day took her. The passage of time her silent companion.
Now, whenever she'd come home, emptiness greeted her where Michiru's violin should have been. It didn't help that Hotaru left to spend the summer with her father and Setsuna was gone for the past few weeks, vanishing without warning had become a habit for her after they'd defeated Galaxia. Acting as though nothing had happened when she returned, secrets always masked behind her watchful eyes.
Haruka pulled off her helmet and clipped it to the handles, leaving her bike in the overcrowded lot. Shoving the keys into her pocket she listlessly started off to the right. No destination in mind.
The noise of the city whirled around her: heels clacking against the pavement as a woman half her height drove past her, rushing as she went by. A man stood to the side of the street against a steel and glass building, cell phone pressed against his ear, a bouquet of sunflowers tucked precariously under his arm as he took a call, bowing to the faceless voice on the other end in rhythm with the woman's steps. Everyone else had somewhere to go, someone to see.
Haruka looked at her watch. It was only three. She groaned.
Haphazardly, she turned down one of the many winding alleyways that littered Tokyo, stopping to scan the handwritten menu posted outside of one of her favorite izakayas.
"Haruka!"
Her name cut through the din that surrounded her. The wind brushed softly against her neck as two hands wrapped around her arm, ribbons of blonde hair swirling around her, shaking her from her daze.
"Haruka, what are you doing here! I haven't seen you since your last race. Congratulations on your win! Minako told me all about it when she and I hung out last time. I'm so jealous she gets to travel so much now with her job."
Usagi burst at her with a flurry of words. Haruka's mind scrambled to keep up, slightly perplexed. The season ended five months ago, "Thanks, I can't believe it's been that long since I've seen you. Or that you could manage to go that long without seeing Minako. Aren't you two always tied at the hips."
Usagi just laughed. Her eyes fixed on the ground as she fumbled with her hands.
An idea struck Haruka. Maybe she wouldn't have to spend the night wandering aimlessly around like she thought. "Hey, what are you doing tonight?"
Usagi put a finger to her lips, her brows furrowing ever so slightly as she thought. "Just helping my mom with some stuff around the house, so nothing exciting."
"Why don't you come and have dinner with me? Michiru is out of town touring with a new concert series and the others are gone. If your family could spare you kitten, I would enjoy the company"
"That sounds great!" A broad smile covered Usagi's face as she jumped at the invitation. "Just let me run home to drop this off and change. Where should I meet you?"
"I'll send you the address." Haruka said, already reaching for her phone.
"Thanks! I've got to run but I'll see you soon!" Usagi was already bounding out of view, two blond ponytails streaming behind her.
Maybe tonight won't be so dull after all.
—
"Haruka, you didn't tell me how nice this place was." Usagi gawked around the room as Haruka held the door open for her. "You should have warned me. I would have worn something nicer." She turned and pouted at Haruka. The effect the expression gave her face was more charming than anything.
True they both were underdressed, Usagi's jeans and light pink lacy blouse and her tan trousers and loose white button down were more casual than people typically wore to La Brise but no one would bother either of them about it. Not while she was here with Haruka.
"Don't worry about it kitten," Haruka said as she offered Usagi her arm, which she gratefully accepted. "I didn't have time to change either. Besides, Michiru and I are regulars here." As she spoke the host dressed in a black suit came to greet them.
"Ms. Tenou, so good to have you with us tonight. Would you and your guest like your usual table?"
"Yes, but first I think we're going to grab a drink at the bar." She looked down at Usagi, "How does that sound kitten?"
Usagi nodded emphatically as Haruka led the way. Picking the two seats at the end of the bar, she passed Usagi the drink menu.
As Usagi studied the chocolate leather book Haruka glanced at the row of gleaming bottles that lined the glass shelves. The warm brown liquid radiating amber hues throughout the bar as the up lighting below sparkled through them. Tonight, she spotted her two favorite bottles tucked away at the other end.
The bartender looked up and nodded in acknowledgment at her as he finished with another couple.
"Do you know what you want?" Haruka asked.
Usagi looked back at her, an embarrassed smile on her lips. "I don't know anything on this menu. At this point when the bartender comes over I'm going to feel like I've been caught sleeping in class. What are you getting?"
Haruka pointed at the bottle of Hedonism Quindecimus. "Have you ever tried whiskey?" Usagi shook her head. "Would you like me to get you a glass too?"
"Sure." Usagi placed down the menu as Haruka motioned to the bartender pointing at the bottle and held up two fingers. He nodded and uncorked the bottle, pouring the golden liquid over two hand chiseled ice spheres, placing them wordlessly in front of the two of them.
Haruka grabbed the glass, already chilled, and inhaled the oaky vapor, her muscles relaxing.
"Cheers," she held up her glass and Usagi mirrored her movements before raising the drink to her lips. Haruka waited and watched as Usagi took her first sip. Her eyes narrowed and her face contorted as she strained to keep her mouth closed, fighting desperately to not spit the drink back into the glass. Shaking her head she forced it down, her eyes squeezed shut against the burn. Haruka could barely keep her laughter in as Usagi glared at her.
"Oh my god, Haruka. That is horrible. How on earth do you drink this?"
She couldn't keep it in any longer as a full throated laugh barreled out from her. "I'm sorry, kitten. I should have warned you. I just wanted to see what would happen. Here," Haruka waved the bartender back and ordered again for Usagi. He quickly returned with a champagne flute filled with a bubbling dusty rose colored liquid. "This should be better."
Usagi took the glass and sniffed it, suspiciously eyeing her friend. It apparently passed the test as Usagi took a sip, her face lighting up. "This is delicious!"
"I'm glad you like it," Haruka said, adding Usagi's first drink into her own. No need to waste it.
"I guess I forgive you." Usagi smiled, her eyes shining.
It'd been months since she'd seen her friend or any of the other Guardians. Other than Minako who'd been reporting on one of her races this season. She'd missed that glow. "So tell me kitten, what have you and the others been up to?"
Usagi looked down at her drink. Her expression puzzled hint of sadness that crept into the corners of Usagi's eyes wasn't what she had expected. "Oh you know everyone, they're always so busy it's hard to pin them down sometimes. I haven't been able to see much of them over the past few months." The sadness vanished from her eyes before Haruka could pin it down.
"You haven't been able to see them at all?" This wasn't right. Those five were always together. She couldn't remember a time when they had gone a week without seeing one another, let alone months.
"Oh, I did go and visit Rei at her shrine earlier this week."
"How's she?"
"She's finishing her training to take over the shrine from her grandpa. She seems to be really enjoying it. She did start to get on my case though…"
"About what?" Those two were always going at it like a pair of squabbling sisters.
"She told me I needed to stop wasting my time dallying about and find something to do that would better prepare me for becoming Neo Queen Serenity." Usagi pitched her voice slightly lower, doing her best imitation of Rei, "'Usagi, I don't know how you think you'll be able to rule the world if all you do is laze about all day and daydream. How do you expect to manage being responsible for everyone's well being if you can't take care of yourself? How am I supposed to look forward to Crystal Tokyo if I'm going to have to spend my time babysitting you.'" Usagi groaned, dropping the voice.
Haruka leaned back in her chair, the soft leather brushing against her back through her shirt. Unlike the others, she and Michiru had never seen Crystal Tokyo, the future they were on a collision course with. She looked over at Usagi who slumped in her chair, her arms crossed on the bar counter, staring at the bubbles that danced in her glass. Usagi already was her Princess and Haruka had no doubt she would be a good queen but for some reason, no matter how hard she tried, she could never quite imagine it. "When is Crystal Tokyo supposed to happen?" Usagi had just turned twenty, it couldn't be long now.
"Right around the time Mamoru and I get married I think, somewhere in my early twenties, so just another year or so. Something happens and the world falls asleep for a thousand years and then I wake up and become Neo Queen Serenity. I'm not sure that's still going to happen exactly like that though." Usagi's eyes didn't leave the glass. "I have no idea really, how it's all supposed to start. What I'm supposed to be doing."
"I'm sure you'll figure it out when the time comes. Maybe it just happens on its own." Haruka reached over and tousled Usagi's bangs, wanting to lighten the dark edges swirling around Usagi's face.
Usagi nodded, her answer half mumbled as she took another sip of the champagne.
"You don't look very excited for this kitten. Isn't this what you wanted?" Haruka leaned forward and took another sip, letting the oak and smoke envelop her mouth. This wasn't what she'd expected. Usagi had never been anything but excited about their future. What had changed?
"Even if I wasn't, it wouldn't really matter much. It's destiny." Usagi chuckled to herself, looking at Haruka. "I sound almost like you. You're the one who's always going on about how you can't escape destiny."
It was Haruka's turn to look away. Her mind slipped in and around the visions that had been plaguing Michiru's mirror the last few weeks, their past lives on display. The truth she'd clung to for so long, the failures that haunted her through to this life might not have been what they'd always believed. How different their memories of that time must be. Her's and Usagi's.
"Haruka?" Usagi waved her hand in front of her face, snapping her back to the present.
"Sorry kitten, got lost in my own world." Haruka stood and motioned to the host, not wanting to linger over memories she wasn't sure if she could trust anymore. "How about we leave destiny here and get some food?"
Usagi practically jumped from her chair, "That sounds great! I'm starving."
/
Usagi's blood warmed as the alcohol softened her tight muscles, relaxing back into her wooden chair. Mindlessly, she raised the glass to her lips and was distraught to find the cup was empty. Thrusting her the glass forward she smiled at Haruka who raised an eyebrow at her.
"Are you sure you should be having another one? You are supposed to be resting for tomorrow." Her protest almost a moot point as Haruka took the glass and refilled it.
"I'm fine, and besides, it's different from the alcohol on Earth. You don't get hangovers or at least I didn't with the champagne." She took another sip, welcoming the release it brought. The anxiety that had been building up in her since she'd set foot on Kinmoku fading.
"So," Haruka swirled her glass against the wooden table, "You still haven't answered my question, kitten. Why did you come here?"
"I did tell you, I needed to get away. That was it…" Usagi repeated the practice line with less concision, her defences slipping away with each sip.
"We both know that's not the only reason." Haruka wasn't going to let it drop.
Usagi bit her lip and sighed, the truth pushing its way out. "When I first got here that's what I told myself. I wanted a break. I needed to go somewhere where I didn't feel like everything was already determined. But that wasn't the only reason…" Images of her and Seiya sitting on the floor of Suki's room filled her head. Usagi gathering her courage to slide over closer to Seiya as she let her head fall against her shoulder. That moment felt like years ago now. "I wanted to see Seiya." A weight lifted from her chest as she pulled the words out. "I missed her."
Behind her Serenity and Mamoru's eyes bore into her at the admission, their silent admonishments lancing into her. Accusations seared into her skin.
"I still don't get what you see in that hot headed idiot. From what I've seen, your taste in partners is questionable at best. There's no one in the world who wouldn't be lucky to have you. You don't need to settle for a playboy like her."
It was Usagi's turn to look at her friend incredulously, "You're still not mad at Seiya for flirting with Michiru all those years ago are you? Really Haruka, we both know nothing happened and if I recall Michiru was the one who asked Seiya to help her undress, not the other way around." Haruka flinked, her hand closing tighter around her glass.
Usagi hurriedly changed the topic, with Haruka there was a fine line between playful teasing and picking at old sores. "Besides that's not really who she is, she cares about everyone and has gone out of her way to make me feel welcomed. She doesn't see me as some destined long lost love, she's happy with me just being me." Heat rose to Usagi's face as she spoke, the last of her words trailing off.
"I see you're further gone than I thought. I guess I have no choice but to deal with her until we find some way to get that head of yours fixed." Haruka laughed as Usagi made a face. "I mean with the way you talk about her it seems like you've made up your mind."
The hair on the back of Usagi's neck stood on end, the ruby red and storm blue eyes returning. Watching her answer closely. Her heart pressed against the two tiny hands that wrapped around it with every beat.
She shook her head and took another sip, the burn doing nothing to push any of them away. "I don't know Haruka… There's just so much tied to this… I mean I like…" her throat closed around the name, unable to pry itself from her lips. She sighed in exasperation, "No matter how I look at this I can't find a way out where I'm not hurting everyone."
"But that's not the point kitten. This isn't about what everyone else thinks. This is about you and how you feel. What you want for yourself. None of us should be able to tell you that."
"Where was this Haruka four years ago when the Starlights first came to Earth?"
Haruka shrugged, "I never said I was perfect. There's a lot that's happened since then."
Usagi nodded.
"Why did you never tell the others about your feelings? Or even just that you and Mamoru were having issues? I'm sure they would have wanted to be there for you."
"I know I should have." Usagi leaned back in her chair and gazed up at the sand stone ceiling. Her eyes tracking the grooves of a weathered crack. "But sometimes telling the people you care about the most about something that's going on in your life makes it more real. I wasn't ready for that."
Haruka dramatically grabbed her heart and turned her head in mock pain. "You told me. What does that mean? Are the others more important to you then I am?"
Usagi laughed at her dramatics reaching over to pat her friend's hand. "Of course you are important to me. But it's different with the others. They were there since we found out who we were and the lives we had before in the Silver Millenium. They've always been closer to Mamoru than you guys were."
Usagi stopped unsure what to say next, the alcohol helping to untangle the thoughts that had been locked in her mind. Her chest bubbled with a wave of emotions that demanded release. "It's a strange place to be, when destiny tells you that we were meant to be together. Hard to think that you might not be. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. Like I'm looking for problems where there aren't any."
"You know that isn't true, there have been issues between the two of you for years. Just because you were in love when you were fourteen, thousands of years ago, that doesn't mean you have to be in love now. Besides, what do you know about love when you're that young?"
"What about you and Michiru? You two were together before too and meeting again at sixteen isn't that much older."
"Not everyone can expect to be as perfect as we are." Haruka shrugged, her expression teetering on smug. Not that she was wrong. Usagi didn't know of any couple that fit together as well as they did.
Usagi shifted. A question that had been prodding at the edge of her mind pressed out. "How did the others take it? When you told them where I was?"
Haruka's eyes hazed over as she thought. "Minako didn't seem surprised, Ami and Makoto were relieved that you were somewhere you had friends, but Rei." A hard edge filled Haruka's voice at her friend's name. "She wasn't happy. I think she was shocked at first but she seemed to make the connection faster than the others that you didn't just come here for a friendly visit. That there was someone specific you came to see." Usagi's stomach twisted at the thought of hurting Rei, cursing herself for not telling her anything sooner.
Haruka continued, oblivious to her distress. "She'll come around to the idea of the future changing but I think she was hurt that you hadn't mentioned anything."
"I should have told her," Usagi mumbled, wishing that she could go back and fix this. To push herself to find the courage she still lacked. But she knew those thoughts would get her nowhere.
"You should have. But it's too late for that now." Haruka said, cutting through her thoughts that pulled her down as she refilled her glass.
While Haruka had covered how all of her Guardians had taken the news there was still one person missing. One that she couldn't avoid any longer. "What about Mamoru?"
"He was angry and an ass but I didn't really expect anything less from him. Selfish bastard, only ever thinking about himself."
"Haruka, that's not true and you know it." Usagi jumped to his defense almost instinctively. "This isn't all his fault."
"He's the one who left you alone for years after you brought him back to life. And it's not just that. Ever since he came back he hasn't been the same. He's focused on one thing and that's not what you want anymore."
"I'm the one who encouraged him to go back to America to finish his degree. Not that that's the only reason behind where we've ended up but I made just as many mistakes as he has."
"Sure, everyone makes mistakes in a relationship. That's life. But you are making excuses for his behavior like you always do. When was the last time he treated you like a person and not some prize the universe bestowed on him?"
Usagi sighed, "It wasn't always like that…"
/
"What do you think about him?" Usagi stopped scrolling through the latest dating app Rei was using and showed her the profile. "He looks nice enough."
Rei scanned the profile, her face showing barely any interest in the potential date. Deimos swooped down and landed on Rei's shoulder and let out a defining cry. Usagi's hands flew up to cover her ears a second too late.
"I agree Deimos, I don't think he's the one either." Rei turned off her phone and set it aside. The air was cooling as the last dregs of August faded away into fall as the two friends sat on the wooden steps into the shrine. The green leaves dulled, the edges tinted with brown as summer's grip on the world loosened. The evening filled with the buzz of cicadas calling to one another in a deafening symphony.
They'd spend hours combing through every app Rei had on her phone for a poten date this weekend but with no luck. While Rei seemed defeated by the exercise, Usagi was happy to spend some time with her friend.
"We live in a city with nearly fourteen million people, why can't I find one guy to go out on a date with?" Rei groaned.
"Have you tried going to singles night at Fruits Parlor? Makato goes every so often and always seems to have a good time. I'm sure she'd be happy to have you come along."
"I've been with her once or twice but it wasn't great. I'm clearly a catch, why don't any of them see it?" Rei tossed her raven hair over her shoulders as she spoke.
"Maybe if you were a bit less intense you wouldn't scare them away so fast." Usagi gave her friend a side eyed look.
"I'm not intense at all, I'm calm, sweet and charming." The edge to Rei's voice only grew as she spoke. Usagi bit back a laugh. "They are all just jerks with no sense of taste. I can't help it if they are all morons. I am the Princess of Mars, they should only be so lucky to go on a date with me."
Usagi couldn't contain her laughter any longer, her whole body shaking, tears pressing at the corners of her eyes. "I don't know how anyone could say no to you if you lead with that. Bow before the goddess of Mars."
Rei sat back down on the step, shaking her head and laughing at herself, "For once you might have a point, Usagi." She picked up her phone and checked the time. "It's almost six, don't you have to go soon? Mamoru's plane will be landing soon."
Usagi sat back, her hands pressed against the step, the wood rough against her palms. She'd completely forgotten. Grabbing her own phone to double check his fight she stared at the entry in her calendar. Rei was right, he would be here in two hours. How could she forget?
Usually, when Mamoru came back, from the moment she woke up till she'd arrive at the airport her body would be buzzing, unable to sit still till she caught her first glimpse of him at the terminal. But today was just like any other day. A different unease settled in her stomach as she checked the traffic. Mamoru would be here soon and her heart didn't seem to care.
Since his last trip home their daily calls had fallen by the wayside, slowly becoming every other day and then once a week. Conversations, that used to fill her whole night without effort, were now plagued with long pauses and awkward comments as they each fought to find something to say. To find some common ground and make their way back to the ease they once knew. The distance between them no longer just an ocean but something else entirely.
"Yeah, I've got some time though. Traffic looks light today." Usagi turned back to her friend.
"You don't know how lucky you are. The fact that you and Mamoru were destined for each other. You don't have to deal with kissing a bunch of frogs, you've already found your prince. Why couldn't Serenity send soulmates to the present for the rest of us as well?"
"Dating can be fun too." Not that Usagi really knew, there hadn't been much time before she met Mamoru to really date herself. "Rei, what is it that you're looking for when you go out with someone. Is it how they act or look or just a feeling?"
"You should already know. I'm looking for what you and Mamoru have. What Michiru and Haruka have. The feeling that you can't breathe without someone, that you want to spend every moment with them. That you would risk the world to save them."
"That's it, no wonder you haven't found someone." Usagi laughed, patting Rei on the head.
Rei shook off her hand, "Well that's part of it. On the less dramatic side, I want someone who accepts me for who I am but also makes me want to be a better person. Not because they want me to change but because I want to be better for them. Because they help me believe I can be. Like you could do anything. I don't know if that makes any sense."
Usagi nodded, staring up into the sky, the underbelly of the clouds brushed in a pale coral.
Someone who made you believe you could do anything. Like you would risk the world to save them.
While she loved Mamoru and she knew he loved her, Usagi'd never felt secure in their relationship. He was always chiding her, telling her she needed to study harder, to find something useful to do until Crystal Tokyo. He was preparing by trying to become the best doctor he could. What was she doing? Usagi rolled her eyes and sighed.
That was the question. What was she doing?
Her head turned to the second criteria that stood out to her. That you would risk the world to save them. She'd risked her safety many times over to protect Mamoru. But she would have done that for any of the others, and had. She never wanted those close to her to suffer. Even when the world was on the line, the idea of sacrificing anyone never felt right. But once, she had almost let the world go to save someone. Just once.
Odango
Usagi jumped to her feet. She didn't want to deal with this. Not now. The same voice that had called to her the night she and Haruka went out rang out in her mind again.
This wasn't what she wanted, not with Mamoru almost here.
Rei looked up at her, starled at her sudden movement. "Sorry, I just realized that it might take longer than I thought to get to the airport. I'm going to leave now just to be safe."
"Look at this, our princess seems to finally be growing up. Not wanting to be late. I wonder if you'll even be early to things by the time you're queen." Rei stood and patted Usagi on her back.
Usagi forced a smile back at her friend. "You never know."
—
"Usako, why can't you understand? I'm not just doing this for myself, I'm doing this for our future kingdom. I can't count on my powers to save others like you can." Mamoru grabbed a textbook from his shelf, the words engraved on its spine unintelligible to Usagi, and placed it down on his desk with enough force to make her twitch in surprise.
"I do understand Mamo-chan, or I want to. I know that becoming a doctor is important to you but we haven't seen each other in months. Can't you take a break for tonight so we can go on a date." Her voice quieted slightly, "We don't talk as much as we used to. I just feel like things are a bit off between us."
Mamoru sighed and looked back at her. His cobalt blue eyes still rimmed with deep circles from jetlag. "Usako, we spent all last night and this morning together and will have all the time in the world to spend together after Crystal Tokyo comes, but until then I need to focus on my studies. This is what I can do to get ready. It's what I need to do."
"Yes, but I'm sure that tonight won't make a difference. Let's just forget about the future for one night. "
"But that's not the point Usagi. Look, if things feel a bit off between us maybe it's because I'm trying to do everything I can now to be ready to be the future King of this planet and you don't seem to be ready to do anything. You can't just wait around and expect to become the Queen the world will need you to be."
Usagi looked down at her hands, fingers tightly woven around one another. He wasn't wrong but that didn't take the sting out of his words. She already felt like she wasn't enough, she didn't need to be reminded of it.
Their future stretched before her, an ever growing fissure dividing them.
Mamoru raked his hand through his hair and sighed. "I'm sorry Usako, I didn't mean to snap at you. The jet lag is really messing with me this time." He crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her. An unexpected stiffness overcame her body as he pulled her close. "Don't worry about us. We're Endymion and Serenity, our love has already overcome death. I'm sure it can make it through med school. Besides, soon you'll be Neo Queen Serenity and Chibi-Usa will be here too. It isn't far away. I can't wait for us all to be a family again."
Mamoru lightly kissed her head and released Usagi from his embrace. Unaware the wariness within her. Usagi stood there, unsure of what to say.
"Here," Mamoru's face lit up as he held out a piece of paper to her.
She took it, scanning the text printed in Mamoru's perfect handwriting on the page.
I want to spend all
The rest of my days exploring
The hidden worlds of your spirit, to show you how
The flaws and imperfections that separate us
From the gods are the very things I'll always fall
For the hardest.
The anxiety that had built in her relaxed. Here were the words she'd been looking for from him. That she could be enough.
"This is part of a poem I read on my flight. It made me think of you so I wrote it down." He smiled and the sparks that had eluded her most of his visit returned. There was still love between them. Maybe she was overthinking things. Everything would be fine.
"But it's not wholly true for us." he continued, his attention turning towards his books. "The flaws and imperfections that we have now will be gone once you purify the world and there will be nothing that separates us from the gods. You will be who you were always meant to be. My Princess."
Her heart sank as the world pushed down around her. The walls of his apartment seem to envelop around her, the weight of his expectations ever present. She had to leave. "You know Mamoru, you're right. You should take some time to study. I'll find something else to do tonight."
—-
Haruka raised her empty glass, the lone ice cube ringing gently against the crystal. The bartender glanced over in her direction acknowledging the unspoken request for another. She sat back in the leather chair and twirled the chiseled sphere trying desperately to distract herself.
Michiru's concert series had been extended by three month. After the first leg of the show sold out across Japan her manager successfully pitched an Asia wide tour to the managing company. When Michiru had called Haruka to talk to her about it, she was barely able to finish explaining the route before Haruka was insisting she say on. This was a chance that might not come again, she couldn't say no. Three more months wasn't that long. She could manage to fend for herself a bit more.
Easy enough to tell yourself that when you think either Setsuna or Hotaru will be home soon but, nope. It's just one giant house and my thoughts to keep me busy.
Not that her thoughts had given her much down time. Even with Michiru gone their past had found a way to fill her head, hijacking her dreams every night, no longer content to be trapped behind the glass of Michiru's mirror. Every night she was forced to watch as she failed to protect the others. The Silver Millennium, her Queen, her Princess all lost to her.
She needed another drink.
As the bartender dropped off the new glass of whiskey, a clamor of voices behind her captured her attention.
"I'm sorry, Miss we are fully booked tonight, there are no available reservations. You'll have to come back another time." The host said, dismissing the potential guest.
"I don't need a reservation, I'm just looking for my friend. Let me check the bar for her and if she's not there I'll leave." Haruka shook her head and laughed, a smile spreading across her face as she recognized the voice.
Her Princess was here to rescue her again, almost like clockwork, to save her from another night of boredom.
"Kitten!" Haruka turned and waved to Usagi, the blonde lighting up at her nickname.
"See, I told you she was here," Usagi said as she darted past the host who didn't look pleased to let her pass. But he knew better than to not let one of her guests in.
"Haruka! I thought you would be here." Usagi beamed as she claimed the open seat next to her.
Usagi grabbed the menu, not making it through the first page before turning back to Haruka. "Could you order the same thing you did for me last time?"
"Sure."
Within minutes the two friends were clanging their glasses in cheers. The peaty drink seemed to lose some of its bite now that she had company for the evening. But while she was pleased to have Usagi with her, she was surprised that she was here. "Kitten, I'm always happy to spend an evening with you but isn't Mamoru in town? Shouldn't you two be spending more than your fair share of time together. Especially in the evening. I would think you would be eager to catch up with one another." She raised her eyebrow.
A soft pink glow made its way up Usagi's cheeks at Haruka's not so thinly veiled reference. She knew she shouldn't enjoy embarrassing Usagi but she couldn't help herself. Usagi was too cute when she was flustered.
"Haruka! Keep your voice down, what if someone hears you." Usagi hissed.
"There's no one here and we're not children anymore. We're allowed to talk about se"— Usagi's hand flew up to her face, covering Haruka's mouth.
"Haruka!"
"Fine, I'm sorry kitten. I won't mention it again." She laughed as Usagi released her. "You guys have been together forever. I didn't think it would be a big deal anymore."
"I thought you said you weren't going to mention it again." Usagi gulped down the sparkling rose, the drink nearly matching the color of her cheeks. "It's not that we've never done it. It's just that I don't want to talk about that right now."
"We don't have to. But still, why are you here with me tonight? Mamoru's not in town long before he has to return to America." It wasn't more than a momentary flash across Usagi's face at the mention of his name that caught her eye. A subtle shift that almost anyone else would have missed. But she knew her friend too well for it to escape her.
Sadness.
Haruka's grip on her glass tightened slightly. She couldn't stand to see her Princess upset.
"The trip back really got to him this time. The jetlag between here and America can be really hard to get over. I thought he could use a good night's sleep."
"Is that so," Haruka's voice was tighter than she intended.
She took a sip, letting the stillness stretch out into the lull in their conversation. It wasn't hard to tell that Usagi wasn't telling her the truth, the tone of her voice was too high, her body seemed to curl in around itself, shrinking into the chair. She'd never been good at lying.
Haruka didn't want to press her but didn't let the conversation move away from the topic at hand. If Michiru had taught her anything it was that sometimes silence can convince people to talk more effectively than words could. She pressed down the urge to pounce on her friend, the need settling uncomfortably in her chest, a growing storm within her.
She waited.
"I just don't know if he sees me anymore. If I can measure up to the idea of who he wants me to be." Usagi broke the silence.
Haruka's chest tightened as she felt her face fall and harden. "Why would you think that? You have saved this world, the entire universe, countless times. You don't need to measure up to anything." She struggled to keep her words steady.
"I'm probably reading too much into it. It's just that, since he went back to America it's like he can only focus on the future. On who we're going to be. It feels like every time he looks at me he's searching for Princess Serenity or Neo Queen Serenity not Usagi. And when he finally does see me I can't match up to who he expected to see. If it wasn't for our past lives would I be enough for him?"
Her pulse began to quicken as Usagi spoke. How dare he make Usagi feel like she wasn't enough. Haruka shifted in her chair, fighting back the urge to hop on her motorcycle and give Mamoru a piece of her mind. Usagi was her Princess and she was sworn to protect her, even from the man who was sworn to love her. She'd never been known for her reserved manner.
But she could deal with him later.
"Kitten, even if you weren't Princess Serenity or our future Queen, even if you weren't Sailor Moon, you would still be important. Being yourself is more than enough. I know my life would be lesser without you in it and I'm sure the others feel the same. I don't know why your boyfriend seems to have his head up his ass but don't listen to him. Whoever the Second Silver Millennium comes, the world would be lucky to have you as its Queen just as you are now."
A small smile pulled at the corners of Usagi's mouth, the light in her eyes beginning to come back. "Thanks Haruka. I'm sure I'm just making all of this up in my head. Ever since Galaxia I feel like something has changed between the two of us. Maybe things would be easier if we were together. But when he's here I feel like it's easier when he's away." She shook her head and forced a laugh. "I know that's just silly. We are Serenity and Endymion, destined to be together again. I shouldn't worry about it. It's not like there's anyone else that we could end up with."
"Is there someone else?" Haruka surprised herself with the question.
"No, not really. Not anymore," Usagi twirled her glass, watching the bubbles playfully spring to the surface.
Not anymore, she hadn't expected that. Usagi had never shown interest in anyone other than Mamoru. Expect for—
Before she could get lost in the past Usagi looked over at her, clearly wanting to move the conversation away from her troubles. "What about you and Michiru? Do you ever wonder if you two would be together if it wasn't for the past?"
Haruka could feel the smile press against her cheeks as her thoughts turned to the first time she and Michiru met. "Actually, when Michiru and I first met in the Silver Millennium we couldn't stand one another."
Usagi nearly choked on her drink at this revelation. "What? I thought you two were always together. Even back then."
"It's not that we didn't end up together but I'm not that sure that would have mattered now. Regardless of who we were before, I know that there's no one I'd rather be with. I'd fall into hell just to follow her."
"You sound just like Rei," Sitting back in her chair, Usagi pinched the bridge of her nose, concentrating. "You know now that I think about it I've only ever had vague memories of the two of you from the Silver Millenium. I know you were charged with guarding the inner planets but didn't you ever come to visit?"
She shrugged. "It wasn't that we didn't want to. Since we were responsible for everyone else's safety we were forbidden from leaving our posts except on rare occasions that we were invited to the palace. I think I only ever went there twice. Once for the announcement of your birth and again around your twelfth birthday…" Haruka's trailed off, her mind filled with the images of rubble and destruction. White marble strewn and shattered across the ground. The world suspended in a broken silence.
Three times. She had been to the Moon Kingdom three times.
"Tell me what it was like on the outer planets. I never got to go." Usagi pressed, shaking her from her thoughts.
Haruka looked down at their empty glasses and shook her head. There was too much to tell and so much that they still didn't know about their past. Usagi already had enough on her mind. "Let's save that story for another night kitten. I need some air. There are some good izakayas close by, how about we stop by a few of those and grab dinner?"
"Sure," Usagi beamed at the prospect of food, quickly dropping her question.
If nothing else her Princess was always easy to please.
/
"Regardless of how things used to be, you need to figure out what you want now, kitten." Haruka leaned forward, sapphire eyes trapping Usagi in their gaze. "What do you want?"
Usagi froze. She was surrounded by eyes, each one demanding a different answer to that question as the alcohol buzzed in her veins. "I don't know Haruka."
"Yes, you do Usagi, but for whatever reason you won't let yourself admit it." Her friend groaned, raking her hand through her short hair. "Do you like her?"
"Yes, I like Seiya." Her tongue loosen by the whiskey, the words fell out before she could stop them.
Her heart stopped.
Haruka leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. Unaware of Usagi's shock. "There, see, that wasn't so hard. You know what you want kitten, you just need to listen to yourself instead of all of the other voices that I know like to float around that head of yours.
"The way I see it you have two options. You can either break up with Mamoru and see where things go with this hot headed Starlight or you need to end this and we should leave after you get her out from the nightmare realm she's trapped in."
Usagi's world came to a halt as her heart rang in her ears. Her stomach dropped. Eyes drawing her back and forward surrounded her.
This was it. She'd stood at the edge of the path before, one foot off, one step away. Swept up in the dance as Seiya held her in her arms. Here, the night pressing against the soft glow of the kitchen, Haruka waited. Mamoru's eyes bore into her. But no matter how he called her back to the safety of what she knew would be, a voice inside urged her forward.
"I want to see where this could go. I want to at least tell her how I feel, that I've liked her since we met, that every year I go back to the place where they left and wait hoping that she might come back. God I must sound crazy Haruka. She's going to think I'm absolutely mad."
"I don't think she's too far off from it herself." Haruka huffed.
Usagi leaned forward, her arms flopping out before her on the table. The alcohol ensured they were no longer fully under her control. "There's just so much she doesn't know. Not everyone's boyfriend is the reincarnation of their past lives' forbidden romance, who died trying to save them from an evil sorceress who wanted to kill you for stealing the man she was in love with. And that's not even starting on Crystal Tokyo!" Usagi whined.
"No, I can't say that many people have exs like that. Does she know any of it? About our past or the future?"
Usagi pulled her head up from the table, propping it on her crossed arms. "I kept trying to tell her but I couldn't find the right time."
"You've been here for weeks just fawning over her and this didn't happen to come up?" Haruka's eyes were laced with shock.
"It's not like there's been a lot of time!" Usagi short back. "Between spending my time fighting new enemies, trying to figure out how I felt, Demande reappearing, weighing my feelings against the existence of my future child and a future that guaranteed peace for our entire world. Or is that not enough for you?"
"Whoa, whoa, kitten. Okay you've had a lot on your plate." She raised her hands as if to ward off Usagi's irritation. "You know as much as it kills me to admit it, maybe she's good for you. You haven't shown this brightly in years."
"What do you mean?" She tilted her head. Utterly perplexed by Haruka's comment. Maybe she'd had more to drink then she'd thought.
"It's like when I look at you I can see something glowing, like a beacon calling me towards you." Haruka paused for a moment, considering an unspoken question. "I think it's the same for all of us. We can't help but be drawn to you."
"Wait, so you are all friends with me because I have some secret honning beacon only you all can see?"
"No," Haruka laughed, "That's not what I mean. The light magnifies everything we already like about you. How you want to make others around you happy, to protect those who need it and those who don't, your stubbornness, how you look for the good in everyone. It's everything that makes you, you. And when I see it, it makes me feel safe and happy. Like I've found someone who I can be myself around. And no matter what you accept me and are happy just because I'm there."
"It sounds like you should be describing your girlfriend." Usagi chuckled. "Haruka, is there something you want to tell me? What is it you just said about you and Michiru being the perfect couple?"
"That's not what I mean. Why is this so hard to describe?" Haruka groaned in frustration as she struggled to find the right words. "It's hope. It's hope and happiness and joy all streaming out from you. But for the past few years it dimmed a bit. It's nice to see it start to come back."
"So really what you're telling me is that I have a giant glowing mood ring inside myself that you all can see?"
"You know that's not quite it but strangely accurate. A giant glowing mood ring that we would all be lesser without."
"That doesn't make me feel much better." Usagi hated the idea of her emotions constantly being on display for the others. "And you all see this?"
Haruka nodded. "I know Michiru does, I assume the others can too."
"You know Seiya mentioned it once when we were dancing, that she could see a light when she looked at me. I don't love the idea."
"I don't make the rules, kitten."
Usagi could feel them again, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. Red and blue eyes following her. She didn't want them there anymore. Reaching for the bottle Haruka snached it out of her hands, her own reflexes dulled by the drink to react fast enough to get it back.
"Hey, I think you've had enough."
"But this helps, it keeps her red eyes away from me."
"Who's red eyes?"
Usagi waved off the question, burying her head in her hands, "It doesn't matter. Haruka! Why can't this be easier? Every time I see Seiya I feel like my heart is about to burst but everytime she leaves all I can think of is Chibi-Usa and Crystal Tokyo."
A warm touch patted her hair. Haruka's hand rested on her head as she spoke. "Setsuna said the future is gone but Chibi-Usa is still out there somewhere. What if there's more to her existence than just you and Mamoru being together. There has to be a way to save her. We've done impossible things before. There's no reason we can't do them again."
"Do you really think so?" Usagi lifted her head. The world blurred in and out of focus as she sought Haruka's gaze. Wanting to replace her doubts with her friend's conviction.
"I do." Haruka said, her voice steady.
"I hope so." The hands inside her easing their grip on her heart as she spoke.
"Either way kitten, you're the one who has to decide. Not Mamoru, not any of us, not even Chibi-Usa. This is your life and you're the one who's going to have to live with whatever you choose. Do you really think you could live for millennia on end with Mamoru, wondering what you could have had?"
Usagi shook her head, "No, I don't think I could."
"Well then there's your answer."
"You're a good friend Haruka. Thank you. I didn't realize how much I needed this."
"Anytime kitten," Leaning forward, Haruka pressed her lips against Usagi's forehead. A wave of calm washed over Usagi as the scent of rain washed over her. "How do you always smell so good!"
"Maybe it's time to get you to bed. I don't think you'll have any problem falling asleep now"
/
It was Tuesday.
Haruka stood outside La Brise unsure why she'd found herself here. Over the past few months she and Usagi had solidified their ritual of meeting up for drinks and dinner there every Friday night, only skipping on the few times Michiru flew home for a short break.
But today was Tuesday and yet it felt as if the wind had pulled her here.
The sun's reflection flashed against the metallic gold hand. She squinted at the glare. It was six and the sun still hung in the sky, the dredges of winter giving way to longer days of spring.
Haruka shrugged and pushed open the door, the familiar scent of leather and spices welcoming her as she entered.
"HA-RU-KA!"
She nearly jumped as her name sang out and filled the quiet space. A burr of gold and white filled her vision as Usagi bounded over and grabbed her arm, her white sundress flouncing around her as she moved.
"Haruka! What are you doing here?" Usagi's eyes glowed with a glossy light that she had only seen a few times before, usually when Haruka convinced her to stay for one round too many.
"I think that's my line kitten," she said as Usagi stumbled, clinging to Haruka to keep her balance.
Steadying her feet, Haruka looked down at Usagi who was grinning up at her as she pulled her towards the bar. The empty champagne flute marked her vacated seat. "How many have you had?"
"Not many," Usagi laughed, a grin still plastered on her face.
The bartender came over with a glass of whiskey already in hand. But to her surprise, instead of placing it in front of Haruka he placed it where the flute had been. Reaching out to take it, sure that the last thing Usagi needed was another drink. Especially hard liquor.
"This ones mine Haruka," Usagi said, swatting her hand away as she took a sip and exhaled. "I think I've figured out the trick, if you drink enough champagne then whiskey doesn't taste like dirty leather fire water. But how do you drink it normally?" Her head bobbed slightly as she looked at Haruka. "Does it burn your taste buds away after a while and that's how you can manage it without the champagne?"
"Something like that," Haruka mumbled as the bartender came over with a glass for her. Asking for two waters she turned back to her inebriated princess. What in the world had happened that she'd found her in this state? Usagi always enjoyed a drink or two, and while both of them had left their nights together with a healthy buzz on occasion, she'd never seen her like this. "What are you doing here?"
Usagi shifted in her seat and pouted at Haruka's tone, trying to avoid her gaze. "Nothing really. I had some free time and thought it would be fun to come in by myself for a bit. And what's not fun about bubbles in your drink?"
She knew that wasn't the full answer but before she could push her about it Usagi had already started off on another stream of thought.
"Haruka, I was thinking. How about I find a way to bring about the Second Silver Millennium and then you and Michiru can take over? You two would be great at ruling. It would be perfect. You guys are so much more mature and everyone would listen to you." Usagi's eyes beamed at her, pleading for her to agree.
"No, I don't think we would be any good at ruling. I can barely keep my feet planted in one place now, there's no way I could stay and rule a kingdom-."
"You did in the Silver Millennium." Usagi cut in.
"My parents ruled and they could hardly keep me under control. What brought this on so suddenly? You will be a great Queen. You've already seen the world you will create and from everything Chibi-Usa said you are a wonderful ruler." Haruka paused, unsure if Usagi was ready to confront a truth she'd suspected for sometime. "Do you not want to become Neo Queen Serenity?"
"Who in their right mind would want to rule the world? It's so much responsibility. Having everyone look up to you and judge everything you do. Haruka I'm going to have to figure out how to solve world hunger! I barely passed high school." Usagi sat up, her eyes widening with a new idea, "Ohhh, do you think Ami would do it? She's so good at math and figuring things out. I should call her."
"No, kitten, why don't you let me keep your phone for a bit." She reached out and easily took Usagi's cell from her hand, her friend's reflexes slowed and clumsy. "Let's try to keep the drunk calling to a minimum."
"Fine," Usagi slumped down against the bar, her chin resting against her arm. "Do you think it's just the nine of us who have destiny dictating our lives or does everyone, and it just feels different for us since we're the only ones who know how it will end?"
Destiny.
Haruka stiffened. The ever present force that had guided most of her life up until now. The idea that somehow she'd been given this life to make up for her mistakes. That destiny had given her a second chance to save everything that she'd abandoned before, or so she'd thought. "You know kitten, I'm not sure that destiny is something that I want anymore. These days I'm more interested in finding my own path."
Usagi cocked her head, her eyes heavy and half open. "That doesn't sound like you at all. It was always 'destiny this' and 'it's our duty that' with you. You shot yourself in the heart because you thought it was destiny."
Haruka flinched at the memory. Usagi wasn't wrong. Destiny had been her world. Sighing she studied the amber liquid in her glass, unsure of how much she wanted to tell her princess.
The Silver Millennium had not been the paradise they'd all believed it to be, at least not for her and Michiru. They'd spent years hating one another, their families using the two of them as pawns in their schemes to steal Queen Serenity's power for themselves. All of the nights she'd woken in a cold sweat from the same nightmare. Finding the Moon Kingdom in ruins. Everyone vanished or dead, the Queen's body, already cold, strewn atop a fallen pillar. Gone.
Both her and Michiru had awoken as Guardians with that moment seared into their minds. The knowledge of how they had failed the universe once before fueled their single minded conviction to never let it happen again. They would be ready this time. And nothing nor no one would stand in their way.
But now they knew the truth and Haruka's world had shifted.
"When Michiru and I regained our memories of our past lives, the world we remembered wasn't the same as the rest of you. Our lives were a never ending battle against the threats that existed outside our solar systems. When Queen Serenity arrived she brought peace to our galaxy but she also brought enemy's who lusted after her power. We were tasked with protecting everyone; to ensure that the Silver Millennium could continue in peace. But we failed."
"Haruka, that wasn't your fault!" Usagi jumped from her seat. "Beryl attacked from Earth, there was nothing you could have done."
Haruka shook her head and took a sip, the whiskey burning away the bitter taste in her mouth, "Things didn't happen quite how you remember. Your mother probably did her best to shelter you from it. The threats weren't just from the outside but within her court as well. My family and Michiru's, they had always been jealous of the power your Mother possessed. Ever since she came to our solar system and established her kingdom our families were always fighting with one another, vying to win her favor and plotting to take back what they thought should be theirs."
Shame twisted in her stomach at the memories of how her family had used her to further their own ambitions. How could she not have seen what they were doing? How could she have been so blind?
"Beryl came from Earth but her power… Beryl's corruption under Queen Matalia's power was orchestrated by my parents and I didn't do anything to stop it. I was so focused on fighting the world outside that I couldn't see the dangers within my own house. And the night that everything fell. I had abandoned my post. Gone off on my own selfish whims. Tired of everything."
She hadn't told the full story, leaving out the parts she knew would upset Usagi the most; everything that had happened right before the attack, what they had to do to awaken Saturn. There was no point in having anyone else hurt from what had happened so long ago.
"I've spent too long clinging to destiny, as if it could wash away my failures. I thought if we fought hard enough this time we would be absolved of our past sins. But I can't live like that any longer. If everything that happened back then, all that pain and death, was destiny, I don't want it." Haruka could feel her eyes slowly refocusing on the world around her. The sounds of the bar, a metal pick scraping against the ice, glasses clinking together as friends greated one another, filled her ears. Then another, heels hitting the floor as her friend stood. Usagi's arms wrapped around Haruka before she could understand what was happening. A soft floral scent enveloped her.
"I'm so sorry Haruka," Usagi pulled her closer. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that. That you and the others were alone for so long. I can't imagine what that must have been like." The slight slur from Usagi's voice vanished as she pulled away, relaxing. Her crystalline eyes fixed on Haruka, "I'm sorry that we weren't there for you. That I wasn't there for you. I promise that won't happen again. We've all found each other now and nothing will break us apart this time."
The knot in her heart released slightly at Usagi's words. How was it that she always knew exactly how to lighten her burdens? This princess she was originally destined to protect and now choose to, out of love and friendship, was more precious to her than almost anyone else in the world.
And there were still things she needed protection from.
"Thank you, Usagi. Don't let yourself worry too much about it." Her hand squeezed Usagi's shoulder as she sat back in her chair. "But what about you? What are you going to do about destiny?"
"I don't know. If I walk away from it, I don't know what will happen. What if the others hate me?" She took another sip of her drink, the glass nearly empty. "I don't think Mamoru would ever forgive me."
"The others would get over it and who cares what Mamoru thinks, that's his own problem." She bristled at the mention of him. Nothing about their relationship sat well with her anymore.
"But what about Chibi-Usa?"
"Well that is a problem I don't have an answer for."
Usagi's head whirled around suddenly, her eyes snapping towards the door. Her face fell instantly, realizing that whoever she thought was there wasn't coming. Grabbing her glass, Usagi chugged the rest of her drink and slammed it against the bar. The haze back in her eyes. "Haruka, do you ever hear people calling to you in your head when they're not there? Or maybe it's really just one person. Oh, I guess it would be Michiru in your head since you two are together. But she's not so far away. You can talk to her whenever so I guess she wouldn't." Usagi's voice trailed off as Haruka nudged the glass of water at her.
"What on Earth are you talking about kitten?" She knew Usagi had had too much to drink but hearing voices was a bit much. "Who's voice do you have in your head?"
"You won't like it." Usagi hiccupped. "You don't like them very much."
"That doesn't narrow it down much." Her mind running through a list that was longer than she expected. A flash went off and she could feel her eyes widening. No, there was no way she could be right.
"Kitten, I asked you once if there was anyone else in your life other than Mamoru and you told me, no not anymore. Who had it been before?" She fought to keep her face and voice neutral, praying to be wrong. Anyone but her.
Usagi giggled, a rose pink blush painting her cheeks. "I'll only tell you if you promise not to tell the others or get mad at me. Promise?" Usagi demanded sticking out her pinky.
Haruka took the finger in her own, sealing the childish pact. Hoping she wouldn't regret the answer.
"Okay, since you promised," Usagi said, her words bending into one another. "I'll tell you." Usagi waved her closer and cupped her hand to Haruka's ear, whispering. "It was Seiya."
Haruka sat there, stunned into silence at Usagi's admission.
Her.
The twinge in her head grew, throbbing in time with the bartender's pick, as Usagi looked at her, bracing for her reaction.
Of all the people in all the universe, why the hell had Usagi picked such an arrogant, foolhardy, idiot to pine after. Not that she was opposed to her leaving Mamoru but really, she could do so much better then Seiya Kou.
Haruka grabbed her glass, still half filled, and downed it. Intently waving to the bartender for another. There wasn't enough whiskey in the world to get her through this conversation.
"Usagi, Seiya… really?"
Usagi pouted, "You said you wouldn't be mad. You promised."
"I'm not mad, but couldn't you pick anyone else."
"I really like her Haruka. I miss her."
Haruka grabbed the newly filled glass as it hit the bar. "At least that's one consolation for me. She lives on a different planet. Not like I have to see her again anytime soon."
Usagi stuck out her tongue, her eyes glinting with a mischievous look that set Haruka on edge.
"Haruka, do you want to know a secret?"
/
The drum of the monitors pounded in Usagi's ears. Each beep kept time with Seiya's heartbeat as he lay unconscious. Blaring lights filled the private hospital room, pressing down against her as she sat next to him.
Him? Her? Usagi wasn't sure anymore. There was so much they didn't know about each other. So much that they'd had to keep from one another. And yet, Seiya still threw himself, untransformed, unprotected, in front of the blast that was meant for her. And now he was here. It had been hours and Seiya still hadn't woken up.
Usagi'd been stalking the hospital all day, Ami reluctantly told her that her mother had seen Yaten and Taiki wandering the hallways during her shift. Usagi tore her room apart looking for the Luna Pen and waited until she saw Yaten and Taiki leave from a side door before transforming into a nurse and sneaking in. Even though they shouldn't have been able to recognize her in her disguise she wasn't going to risk it. Things were tense enough between her Guardians and the Starlights as it was.
It wasn't hard to find Seiya's room. No one bothered to question who the new nurse was. As the evening shifted to night she dropped her guise, relatively sure no one would come to check in on Seiya until morning.
Usagi reached out and grabbed Seiya's hand, the warmth of it easing her worries. But the guilt wouldn't leave her. "Seiya, why did you do that? Why do you keep putting yourself in danger for me?" She squeezed Seiya's hand but felt no response.
The cold metal of the chair pressed against her legs as she shifted, unable to find a comfortable spot.
Not letting go of Seiya's hand, Usagi stood and leaned over him. Her eyes tracing the sharp lines of his face which had become so familiar to her over the past year.
How is it that everyone I care about always ends up getting hurt protecting me? Why am I never strong enough to save them?
She reached down and brushed his short bangs, hoping he would wake up and tease her for worrying. But he didn't move.
"I wish things didn't always have to be so complicated." Usagi began, not knowing what she meant to say just that she couldn't stand the sterile sounds any longer. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner who I was. We spent so long keeping secrets from each other. And I guess I still am.
"I'm not good at keeping secrets, Seiya. And I don't want to keep any from you but…" She paused, a voice inside pressing her forward. Here, just this once she could say it, then she could move on. Right?
"I don't even know where to start," she laughed, wiping the beginnings of a tear from her eye. "That I'm not just Usagi but the reincarnation of a princess who died thousands of years ago? That someday I'm going to be Queen and reclaim my fallen kingdom? I bet you wouldn't believe that. Me, Usagi, Queen of the world, woo-hoo." Usagi chuckled to herself, glancing at Seiya. "I know, it sounds crazy to me too."
She was rambling and she knew it. This might be her only chance. She couldn't waste it. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's not so straightforward, my life. I don't get to choose who I'm going to be or who I love, it's already been decided."
The words were now falling from her lips without hesitation, "I know you like me. I'm not as blind as I act. But, it's easier that way, pretending like I don't know how you feel. At least it makes things easier for me. Because no matter how I feel about you, it won't matter. But I'm sorry if I've hurt you, keeping my feelings to myself."
She paused again, the truth pushing at her lips. She couldn't stop now. "But I want you to know it's not just you who feels this way. No matter how I've tried to push it away I can't."
She bent closer to Seiya's face, as though she could bridge the distance between them with her voice. "I like you too Seiya. I like you so much that it hurts to be around you. You're always so sure of yourself, taking me along with you wherever you go. Never letting me give up on myself. But this isn't something that either of us can overcome. Nothing can ever happen between us.
"So for now this is all I can give you" Usagi hovered just over Seiya, hesitating for one last moment, and pressed her lips to his. Her pulse raced in her ears; her body frozen where she stood. But Seiya didn't move.
She forced herself to pull away. An irrational sadness swept through her that he hadn't stirred at her kiss. Fairy tales are just stories. You know better than most that true love's kiss isn't what they make it out to be.
Usagi sat back down, the cold startling against the slight heat that had overtaken her body. Her heart was pounding against her chest. Her hand was still clasping Sieya's as her head spun.
"You know, maybe I can convince one of the others to rule Crystal Tokyo instead," she mused, letting her thoughts fill the room, keeping the silence at bay. "Then I wouldn't have to worry about Mamoru and the future. Just leave it all behind. It would be nice to be just a normal teenager for a bit. Or maybe we don't need to have Crystal Tokyo. Maybe once Galaxia is gone we can all go back to being normal people, and do whatever we want to do. Not what destiny says we should." Usagi smiled to herself. "I might even ask you out. If you're lucky."—
The sliding door to the room shot open, a nurse stood in the hallway fixing Usagi in her gaze. Usagi panicked, she thought she would have more time before she was found out.
Springing to her feet she dropped Seiya's hand and grabbed her purse, weaving around the woman as she ran down the corridor.
"Sorry! I got lost." She called behind her as she sprinted away.
Cold air pricked her lungs as she burst out through the staff door she'd used to earlier. That'd been too close. She'd been lucky no one had followed her. Gathering herself, Usagi looked back towards Seiya one last time.
This was it. This was the end of it. She had to let it go.
Usagi turned and started home.
/
"You kissed her!" Haruka's heart had nearly stopped as Usagi twirled in her chair grinning like a small child who had managed to sneak an extra cookie. For once in her life, Haruka had been stunned into silence.
Usagi giggled to herself, clearly amused at her reaction. "I did. I kissed Seiya."
Haruka's head fell into her hands. This was not what she had wanted. Sure, she'd hoped that Usagi would leave Mamoru but why… why did Usagi have to pick her?
"Kitten, what am I going to do with you?"
/
"Come on kitten, we have to go to bed." Haruka stood, grabbing the bottle away from Usagi who looked back up at her with puppy dog eyes.
"Just one more Haruka, please! I feel fine."
As if to prove her point Usagi stood, reaching for the bottle. But in her haste Usagi stumbled, tripping over her feet. Haruka grabbed her around the waist, steadying her princess.
"Maybe you're right." Usagi looked back at her sheepishly, her cheeks blushing.
Behind them, a throat cleared. Haruka's head spun to see who it was.
"So this is how I find my missing girlfriend." Michiru's delicate voice filled the room. "Sneaking off at night to drink with another woman while I'm sleeping."
Haruka froze, trying to keep her expression from looking guilty. "I just needed a drink and didn't want to wake you. One of us should get a good night's sleep."
"I'm sure" Michiru laughed as Usagi bounded over to her.
"MI CHI RU!" Her voice sang as she threw her arms around her friend. "Michiru! Haruka and I found the whiskey and it still tasted like dirt but I feel so much better now! Their eyes are gone."
Michiru smiled down at their princess, letting her steady herself as she clung to the older woman. "I'm glad you're feeling better. What have you been talking about?" She asked as she motioned to Haruka to come and help her.
"What I'm going to do about Seiya." Usagi nodded matter of factly as Haruka wrapped her arm around her princess' waist as they started out of the room.
"Oh and what are you going to do?" Michiru raised an eyebrow.
"After I save her with my super awesome powers I think I'm going to tell her the truth. That I think she's cute and we should go out." Usagi's tone sounding more childish with every step.
Haruka couldn't help but laugh.
"Well I think that's wonderful Usagi. I'm glad that you've made up your mind but if I could give you one piece of advice." She took Usagi's free hand for a moment, studying it. "You may want to consider trimming your nails shorter. They are only going to get in the way."
Haruka could feel the blush shoot up her face. Her mouth dropped open, her voice frozen in her throat.
Michiru looked back at her with an innocent expression though she could see the mischievous glint in her eyes delighted at her embarrassment.
"What?" She shrugged. "Someone ought to give her some practical advice. Not even you would be that mean to Seiya."
"I… I… Michiru!" Her girlfriend's name the only word she was capable of forming.
Usagi, completely oblivious to the conversation between her two friends, stared down at her hand, turning it over. "What's wrong with my nails?"
"Don't worry about it now Usagi, Haruka can explain it to you later."
Haruka's heart stopped as she found her voice again. "I will do no such thing!"
Michiru raised her hand to cover her mouth, her laughter spilling out over the halls. "You are always too easy to tease, love. Now let's get Usagi to bed."
/
Chibi-Usa stood there frozen as her mind returned to her body. She didn't know how long she'd stood there at the door to Seiya's hospital room, her consciousness a guest in another's body. She watched as Usagi kissed him. Her lips whispered secrets that only they could hear. She'd wanted to move step closer but she wasn't in control. Watching the scene play out as it had thousands of years before. Trapped in the body of one of the night nurses.
She'd wanted to yell at Usagi, to tell her about everyone she was hurting with her selfish desires. Usagi couldn't just toss everyone Chibi-Usa loved away so easily.
Usagi couldn't just throw her away.
Chibi-Usa loosened her grip on the stem of the black rose the Death Phantom had created. Thorny imprints traced her palm.
"There. You've seen it for yourself now. The moment Usagi started down the path that would lead to the end of the world as you've known it. I've followed through on my end of the bargain my Small Lady. I've shown you the truth. The only question now is what will you do? Are you going to let your world parish? Or are you willing to do what is needed to save them?"
A fire lit in her as she looked up to face him. His red eyes sparkling at her. "I am not my mother. I will not let my world vanish."
/
I hope the length made up for the delay! I felt so bad that it took so long in comparison to the other chapter and while I could bore everyone with details as to why the sum of it is that I've been busy and exhausted with everything going on right now that I just didn't have the energy I usually do to write. I'm hoping that soon it will calm down but I'm not sure when it will. So until then, I'm not sure exactly when the next chapter is going to come out. I'm hoping to have one a month at a minimum if I can't get back to my previous schedule.
I hope everyone is doing well and is staying safe and healthy! Until next time :)