A/N: Bit of a brief update but wanted to get things flowing on this again. Sorry it's been so long since the last update, but hoping to wrap this one up before the show gets back from hiatus :)
She finishes shaving the last of the hairs away and turns off the razor, the buzzing dying off, echoing in her ears as she adjusts to the silence. She's focused on the task, but he's focused on her, his eyes soft, tracing her face and she sets the razor on the shelf in the bathtub and takes the towel from his shoulders to clean his face. When she's done she allows her fingers to trace the newly exposed skin and he sighs, turns his mouth in her hand and kisses her palm.
Elliot turns to look up at her again and her palm comes to rest on his bare shoulder, her eyes drifting to the muscles of his chest and abdomen and he seems to sit up a little straighter, like he wants to encourage her to look.
Her eyes raise once more to his and he smiles tenderly before he whispers her name and lets his head fall to her sternum, his hands clutching her hips where he's been resting them.
He'd shown up half an hour ago and told her it was over, the case, the undercover work. He still smelled like gunpowder. His eyes held the stress of the last few months. But he'd held himself upright, like he was ready to be turned away.
And Olivia thought about doing that, sending him away because he's just coming off of too much. And there's so much they haven't talked about, so much she needs to say. And maybe now wasn't the time for whatever that look was in his eyes that told her he wanted only to see her.
But Noah wasn't home and she thought she needed the comfort of his presence as much as he seemed to need hers, so she let him in.
He'd scratched at his goatee and she'd led him into the bathroom and they'd set up in the tub and she'd watched him slowly open the buttons of his shirt, flexing as he pulled the material away. She'd stared, of course she had. It seemed like he was offering himself to her and maybe he was.
But she'd focused on her task, Elliot half naked in her bathroom was maybe a bit too much to process that very second.
Now her hand cradles the back of his bald head and his weight rests against her chest and they breathe together.
He moves slowly, his hands leaving her hips to smooth up her back and he lifts his head and they look at each other. His fingers twist at the edges of her hair before he rises from where he sits at the edge of the tub.
Olivia breathes in as he steps closer to her, as his thumb draws the edge of her jaw and her eyes close. She feels him draw nearer, his other hand cradling against her shoulder blade. And for a moment they hang in this infinite in between, the physical reflection of what they've been doing for so long. So close and so far, nearly there but never quite. And Olivia thinks of all the years of wondering and waiting and wanting and she leans into him. And his lips brush hers, once and then twice. Then there's nothing tentative about the way his lips meet hers, there's only the culmination of all that time spent in the what if, finally now a reality.
It's not just his thumb against her jaw, but the largeness of his hand cupping her neck, holding her steady. She moans quietly into him and the sound echoes on the walls of the bathtub and she remembers that they're standing inside of it, her feet on the cool ceramic bottom and the bubble of laughter rises in her chest. She pulls back and looks up at him and he's smiling too, a little giddy, his eyes wet. And she thinks maybe it's not the fact that she's standing inside her bathtub kissing Elliot. But just the fact that she's kissing him at all, finally. Because the laughter in her mouth isn't amusement, it's joy and reckoning and all the years turning to something that she had never allowed herself to expect.
She covers her eyes with her hand and feels him press his mouth to her temple, his arms circling her body. And she allows her hands to fall to his bare back, allows her weight to lean into him as they calm.
She'd pulled away from their embrace eventually, but Elliot knew she wasn't rejecting him, wasn't running away. They've been dancing around this for months now, for as long as they've known each other really, and maybe it's just in their nature to take it all slow. He'd literally left his debrief and come straight to her. And he knows he should see his children, his mother, get his head together. But this helped, this hour with her steadying him in the ways he couldn't steady himself.
They'd stepped out of the bathroom and he'd put his shirt back on, only left the top two buttons undone because he was no longer Eddie Ashes. He'd come to her to come back to himself, to be Elliot. Because who knew Elliot better than Olivia?
He wants to kiss her again, and again, and again. To never stop really. To touch her and undress her and make love to not leave her side for a second. But he stills the itch in his fingers as she leans on the arm of her couch and looks at him.
"You're back." She finally says, like she needs to confirm it and he nods. "If you're going to disappear again you need to tell me now." She adds.
So he closes the distance and touches her and watches as her eyes close as she leans her cheek into his palm. "No more disappearing." He swears.
She takes a calming breath before she looks up at him. And he can't help but consider all the things they still haven't spoken of. "Liv," He starts, hoping to find the words along the way. "What my mother said when you came by…" He let's the sentence hang, hoping she'll fill things in. He wants to be more direct, tell her what Kathleen has told him. But he knows better than to force the conversation.
Olivia pulls back from him abruptly, certainly not a good sign. "She was confused."
"Ok, she was confused about our relationship, maybe. But what she said about the man that hurt you? How she thought you had died? You reacted to that."
Olivia physically dodges him as she blows out a lungful of air, moving sideways to skirt between him and the couch, pacing over to the coffee table and picking up her cell phone. "It's getting late. Noah will be here soon. And…I'm not ready for you to meet him yet." Her eyes lift to his and he sees the walls going back up around her. Whatever space she had allowed him as she'd taken off the beard feels boarded up, closed off.
He understands her need to protect her son, but he recognizes this gesture as more than that. Most likely a need to protect herself. From him. The thought twists his gut.
He wants to force her hand. He wants to make her open up to him. But this isn't new; she's kept him at bay before. She's always been good at that. And at the moment he isn't ready to fight with her about it. But he's beginning to realize how long the path in front of them is. How much he'll have to fight for her. And he's willing to do it, but fears he may not be up to the task.
Elliot shoves his hands into his pockets and nods slowly. "When can I see you? There's a lot we should talk about, Liv." He lifts a sad sort of gaze to her and watches her relent, just a little.
"Soon. Seems like there's a lot you'll need to deal with, now that you're back. How's Eli?"
He frowns a little at the deflection, at her unwillingness to make the time for him, and wonders what it means. "Ok, I think. Had to put him on lockdown, so we're going to have to revisit it now that I'm back."
Olivia's phone chimes and she checks the message, taps something in reply.
He sighs and tries again. "Can I bring you lunch this week? At the squadroom?"
Liv presses her lips together, looking somewhat out of sorts at the suggestion, but she eventually capitulates, nodding with more than a little hesitation.
He's about to go, but he can't turn his back and leave things like this. And though Elliot's never been great at being direct with his feelings, he rubs his hand against the back of his neck and pushes himself. "I'm trying, Liv. I want this." He closes the distance between them but resists the urge to touch her. "I want you and us. I want that parallel universe from the letter. And I know I've fucked all of it up. But I'm going to be here until you're ready. And I hope you'll give me a chance to earn your trust."
She takes a shaky breath, "El, I…"
And then he hears the key in the door and Noah is calling for her as soon as the door swings open.
"Damn," He hears her mutter under her breath and he steps to the side so she can greet her son.
When he turns he sees Noah's head tilted, his blue eyes assessing him.
"Noah, this is Elliot, an old friend. You saw him in the park a few months ago, remember?"
Noah nods slightly but still appears wary.
"Hey, Noah. It's nice to meet you. Your mom tells me you like to dance."
Noah nods, a little brusquely, "Nice to meet you," He replies in that way children force politeness. He turns to his mother, "I'm hungry!" And Elliot listens to the light laughter of Olivia's reply. "Go clean up and we'll eat in a few minutes."
"Bye, Lucy!" Noah yells as he pummels towards his bedroom. Elliot looks up in time for the nanny to give him a once over before she bids them both goodnight, some lingering look on Olivia who shakes her head and says goodbye.
"Sorry…" Elliot says, though he's nothing of the sort. "I know you didn't want-"
She shakes her head, shrugs. "Maybe it's better. A casual first meeting." She attempts a smile that looks more like a grimace.
"Looks like I have my work cutout for me. Winning over mother and son." He half jokes. Olivia shakes her head slightly, but smiles.
"I'll text you about lunch?"
She looks at him cautiously, but nods her assent. He wants to kiss her before he goes. But he settles for reaching for her hand, clasping it in his own the way she did for him all those months ago. He squeezes slightly in goodbye and leaves.