I Knew I Loved You Then
"What did the FBI offer you?"
"Joint level task force."
"You know…you could tell me you don't want me to take it."
Her words stopped him dead in his tracks. As he stood to leave the off the beaten path pub that she had chosen, that simple phrase made all the feelings he's pushed down for years now come rising to the surface like a volcano ready to erupt.
Jay looked down at Hailey, with slightly glazed over eyes – was he tearing up, or was he buzzed; he wasn't sure but as he met her blue eyes, those icy blue eyes that he could spend hours getting lost in, Jay sat back down.
"Hails…I…I'm happy for you." He hoped the small smile he put on his face was convincing. Hailey rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her blonde ponytail, a tell-tale sign of hers that she was growing increasingly frustrated. "Jay…thank you. But, we both know that's not why I asked to meet here – for you to tell me you're happy for me." Hailey looked across the small table and scooted closer in her chair, her kneecaps just grazing his, and locked eyes with him.
Her and Jay spoke everyday while she was gone, more than once a day if she was being honest. Texting had turned into phone calls, which turned into FaceTime ; the flirty conversations and the deep stares between them made her feel less lonely in that king-sized hotel bed. As comfortable as it was, she knew she'd be much more comfortable in Jay's bed, those thoughts getting her through her 4-week stint with the Feds. Her time spent in New York started out as a punishment for those line she crossed in trying to protect Vanessa, but ended with Hailey gaining a new appreciation for the grid like city, and her GQ model esq temporary partner, OA.
Hailey, aware of knees against Jay, nudged him slightly to catch his attention. Jay, who was looking anywhere but at her, guided his eyes to her face, his breath hitching at the sight. She was resting her chin on the palm of her right hand, her left hand fiddling with the damp label of her beer bottle, a small smirk on her face. A smirk he wanted to do nothing more than kiss off her gorgeous face. "Hailey…I don't know what else you want me to say."
He laid his hand down on the table, just centimeters across from hers, he could easily brush his fingertips over hers if he really wanted to, and he really wanted to, but he knew he wouldn't be able to focus with her small hand in his. Hailey looked down at his hand so close to hers, and again, shifted her upper body further over the table. The top four buttons of her signature plaid button down were undone, and if Jay were to look down, he'd be able to see the swells of her breasts just under the last button. And then he really wouldn't be able to focus.
As she slid her hand to close the gap, her fingertips touching his, she looked up at him. "I want to know why you won't tell me that I shouldn't take the job." Little to Jay's knowledge, she had already turned down the offer. As appealing as a joint level task force sounded, and as enticing as the paycheck was, Hailey knew she didn't belong there, sitting behind a desk. She belonged in Chicago, in her windy city, but more importantly – she belonged with Jay, because deep down, Hailey knew that he was home. It was a realization she had while they were facetiming on a cold, rainy night in New York. A realization she had as Jay laughed deeply as he listened to her complain about the pizza there, momentarily making her forget that he was in his apartment and she was in a hotel room, momentarily transporting her back to the cab of his truck, so much so that she looked to her left and almost expected him to be next to her. Almost. And in that moment, she accepted it. She was in love with this man – her partner, her best friend, the man she would follow blind.
"Hailey." She could listen to him say her name over and over again. He took a long pause before starting to speak again, and let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He took her hand further into his own. "As your partner - I can't tell you to pass up such an amazing opportunity. You were there for four weeks, you kicked so much ass that they already want you. And there's no one who deserves it more than you." Jay gave her hand a squeeze. Hailey looked at him and nodded, signaling him to continue speaking. "But…as your best friend…this thing between us…I can't bear to see you leave before we see what this is."
There it was. Hailey's heart stopped, her chest got tight, and she forgot how to breathe. Jay Halstead didn't want her to leave. Hailey squeezed his hand back and brought their joined hands to her lips, pressing a soft kiss over Jay's thumb and pointer finger. "Well…it's a good thing I turned down their offer about an hour ago." She placed their hands down on the table, and stood up, grabbing her jacket off the chair and zipping it over those undone buttons of her plaid shirt, shielding her chest to the wind that was waiting for them outside. Jay, stunned, just watched her. He was frozen to the uncomfortable bar chair. "Jay…" He snapped out of it and looked down at her, "You said you'd follow me anywhere?" Jay nodded, zipping up his coat as well, as she took a step closer to him – his mind instantly flashing back to about this time one year ago, as she helped him get his coat over his sling and around his torso after Angela Nelson put a bullet through his chest, "Follow me home."
Jay pulled his wallet out of his pocket, threw down what he hoped was enough money to cover their tab, and followed Hailey out the door and into the cold. He reached out and grabbed her now cold hand, "I go where you go." With his other hand, he pulled her small frame into his chest, just now realizing how tiny she actually was, and how perfectly she fit against him. Hailey wrapped her arms around him, one hand going around his neck as her other hand was still engulfed in his. She stood up on her tip toes, her lips just grazing his neck below his ear, and she felt him shiver – unsure if it was from the cold January air or her kiss. Jay tilted is head down to meet hers and kissed her temple, breathing in the smell of her hair against his face.
Hailey lowered herself off her toes, and smiled up at him. She took her keys out of her jacket pocket and started her Jeep, anxious to get out of the cold and back to her place. Jay threw an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer into his side, opening the car door for her as they stopped at the driver's side. She climbed in, "See you in 20." Jay winked back at her, "Couldn't stop me."
The whole ride back to her condo, Hailey had a smile plastered on her face and she couldn't remember the last time she felt this light. Jay Halstead, a man of little words but big emotions, admitted that he didn't want her to leave. Grazing her lips across his neck and feeling him shiver made her body heat up in ways it hasn't ever been before. She wanted to drag her lips across every plane of his body, if it would make him shiver against her like that again.
Jay, following Hailey with every turn she made, was anxious and his palms were sweaty. He told his partner, his best friend, the woman he's in love with, that he didn't want her to go. His lips ticked up in the smallest of smiles. Jay pulled in behind Hailey and shut his truck off, hopping out and walking up to the side of her Jeep. Hailey was just sitting there in the drivers seat, seemingly lost in thought. He didn't want to startle her, so he lightly tapped on the handle of the door, bringing her back to the present.
"You okay?" Jay looked at her as she opened the door to step out of her car, she seemed…nervous. Not a characteristic of Hailey's that he was used to seeing. She rubbed her palms together and smirked, "I'm good, Jay. Let's go inside." Opening her front door, she walked in with Jay on her heels. She took her coat off and he grabbed it from her, opening her hall closet and hanging it up, just as he's done the countless other times he's been here, in her house, before. But tonight, something feels different, as if the two of them have crossed some sort of invisible line, and they both felt the nerves like they never had before.
Hailey walked straight to her kitchen and into the bar area, grabbing two tumblrs and her best tequila, she then made her way to her living room and turned on her automatic fire place. She had goosebumps, but she wasn't sure if it was from the cold air or the man sitting across from her on the couch that was making her shiver. Hailey poured them each a glass, and put the bottle on her coffee table. She tucked her legs under her, and angled her body to face Jay.
Jay took the glass from her as she extended her hand to him, and brushed his fingers against hers. She locked eyes with him in that moment, and as usual, their eyes said more than their words ever could. Jay opened his mouth to talk first, but was a little distracted as he caught Hailey in the glow of the fireplace, her blonde hair fanning down her back and the glow of the flame making her face glisten. Hailey was staring at him as he looked like he was about to speak, but no words came out. "Jay..." Her voice snapped him out of his trance, and he found his voice. "Hailey…why did you decide not to take the job? Before anything else happens here tonight, tell me why. Please."
Hailey took in a deep breath, and shifted the tiniest bit closer to him. "As appealing as the task force was, and how flattered I am that they offered it to me to begin with, it's not me. The bureaucracy, the paperwork, working behind a desk, the totem pole of people…it's not for me. But…most importantly…you wouldn't be my partner. And that means more to me than any task force and any amount of money. Jay…at the hospital last year, before your UC phone rang…I wanted to tell you something. But I took the phone ringing as some sort of divine intervention, and I pushed the words deep down. But now, I can't bury them down anymore. I can't see you every day, work with you every day, and I certainly couldn't leave here without telling you, without knowing if you think the same."
Jay had reached down and took the glass from her hands, as he noticed them start to shake a little bit. He could see her eyes filling with tears, a clean sign that she was holding onto these emotions for a long time and needed to get them out. Instead of letting her hands go, he held both of them in his own, and comfortingly ran his thumbs over her knuckles. She looked up at him and he smiled at her, "What were you going to say?" She laughs a little, and he feels slightly less nervous, but still doesn't let go of her hands. "Jay, a year ago I would've told you that I was falling in love with you. That when I found you in that warehouse, and you were alive, I was so relieved. Now…now, I can tell you that without a doubt, I love you. And I've known it for a long time." She let out a big breath, after finally having said the three words to this man that she's been dying to say for quite some time.
Jay was just looking at her, smiling this wide smile. He dropped her hands and scooted closed to her on the couch, putting one arm over around her back and his other hand came up to cup her cheek. "Hails." She closed her eyes and leaned into his palm, his hands always so warm. "I love you." He angled her face to his, and leaned in closer to her. Her eyes fluttered shut, and when their lips met, Hailey swore she feels literal sparks. The kiss is light and easy, them getting to learn this new thing about the other one. They stop when they need air, and Jay cups her face again so she can't look away, "I'm so happy you're not leaving me."