CHAPTER 16
NOTES:
Hello, dear readers!
Here we go with chapter 16, Boxing Day from Severus's point of view. I hope you like it!
ENJOY!
Once Harry had left, Severus decided he wasn't going to stay idle. He read a bit of Potions Quarterly, took some notes on the new developments of a potion he was following, then had a shower and brushed his hair. Despite being Boxing Day, he got dressed in his usual black attire.
Putting on his clothes was somewhat of a ritual to him. First the trousers, with buttons up to his ankle. Then the undershirt and the shirt, which he buttoned up to his neck, leaving only the collar open. He put the cravat on, making sure it hid the scar Nagini's bite had left on it. And finally, he put on his boots and his black frock coat, with buttons down to his waist and on his sleeves.
He was about to grab the usual black frock coat, but he was on break and it was Boxing Day. So, he ignored the black one and instead chose the dark blue one from the wardrobe. It was cold, so on top of that, he added a winter coat before he left his quarters.
Once he'd dressed he looked at himself in the mirror. He'd taken up that habit from Harry, to check himself at least once a day to see if he was presentable enough. Clean hair, buttoned-up coat, clean-shaven face. It seemed everything was in order.
Then, shaking his head, he strode out of his rooms towards the Great Hall. Lunch was about to begin, and he didn't want to be late. When he walked into the Great Hall, the four house tables had been ditched and, instead, a round table was sitting in the middle of the Hall.
"Ah, Severus," Minerva said with a smile from her seat "we were wondering whether you'd make an appearance today. No Harry?"
"No, he's at the Weasley's today" he answered as he sat down next to his colleague "where is everyone? And why is this table here?"
"There are so few of us, that Albus thought it would be better to have this table for everyone," Minerva asked as she grabbed a bottle. "Wine?"
"Yes, please" Severus answered, picking up his glass and bringing it closer to her.
While Minerva was serving him wine, a couple of Hufflepuff's entered the Great Hall. They didn't seem to be shocked at the round table but started to walk with slower steps. Their eyes fixed on their Professors, sitting so close to the rest of the seats.
"Good day, Joyce, Kellyn," Minerva said to the two students, who sat down at the other side of the table, opposite them.
"Hello, Professor McGonagall. Professor Snape" said Joyce, Kellyn only nodded with her head, far too intimidated.
In other circumstances, Severus would've been happy for the students to be so unnerved by being in his presence. Now, though, he had to admit he didn't enjoy that sort of attention as much as he did. Arousing respect was something he'd always wanted, and he'd commanded his students with fear. Now, it didn't seem appealing anymore.
"I trust you had a pleasant Christmas day" he ventured to say to the two students.
Kellyn yelped in her seat, shocked. Joyce only looked at him with narrowed eyes as she nodded.
"We did, thank you, Professor. I hope you did too."
Severus was saved from answering when a few more students walked into the Great Hall. They were followed by Hagrid, the Headmaster and Professor Sprout. That was the extent of the students and staff remaining at the castle, and Severus had to admit, it made the school eerie silent.
Everyone exchanged greetings and took their seats at the table. There was no headmaster chair at this table so Dumbledore didn't sit in the middle but he sat next to Severus, leaving him between himself and Minerva.
Soon enough, the food plates were filled with the most delicious of dishes, and Severus inhaled, closing his eyes with delight. The different smells were absolutely intoxicating, and he began to fill his plate with a bit of everything. He wasn't really hungry, it hadn't been that long since breakfast, but he wanted to try everything.
Lunch on Boxing Day was a slow affair. After the lunch and dinner of Christmas Day, most people were full and already sluggish, taking a lot longer in finishing each meal. Severus himself ate slowly, enjoying each dish. By the time he was on desserts, he was thoroughly stuffed.
If he was alone, he would wait until he was in his quarters to have some tea to help his digestion. As it was, however, he'd promised Harry he wouldn't be alone and 'sulking', as he'd eloquently put it. So, he waited until most of the students had left the Great Hall to turn to the Headmaster.
"Albus?"
The man turned to his left, fixing his blue eyes on him.
"I was wondering if I could join you and Minerva for tea this afternoon" Severus whispered, not wanting the rest of the table to hear it.
Dumbledore only smiled, the twinkle in his eye giving him away. Blasted man, he always seemed to know everything!
"Well of course you can, Severus," Dumbledore said, his smile widening as he looked behind him "I'm sure Minerva will also enjoy your company on this fine day."
Severus turned around to see Minerva next to him nodding, her lips twitching in a small smile. Severus nodded and finished his dessert, a bit less apprehensive now.
After finishing food and pleasantries, together they left the Great Hall and walked to the Headmaster's office. Stopping in front of the gargoyle, Dumbledore whispered the password Fizzing Whizzbees.
"Wouldn't it be time to change your password, Albus?" Minerva asked as he followed the man, although her voice sounded amused "it's the fourth time you've used that one!"
"Don't be such a spoilsport, Minerva! It's funny" Dumbledore said as he laughed, walking into the stairs and letting the gargoyle take them upstairs to his office. Severus only shook his head. The man's humour one day was going to kill both of them.
Together they entered the office. But before any of them could sit on the chairs, Minerva had used her wand to transfigure them into comfortable plush armchairs.
"I refuse to spend my Boxing Day sitting on those uncomfortable chairs" she gave as an explanation while she shrugged.
Severus smirked and took his seat close to the fireplace, stretching his legs so his feet would warm up by the fire. Albus conjured a teapot and three cups and served them tea, each with their preferences. Severus with a splash of milk and a lump of sugar, Minerva with no milk or sugar.
"So, Severus. Tell us" she said as she took a sip of her scalding tea "how are things with Harry?"
"Good. They aren't smooth exactly. But they're good" he answered, sipping his own tea.
"Did you have a good Christmas?"
"Yes. We... played for a bit" he said, and saw Minerva nodding, understanding crossing her features "and we opened the presents. Which reminds me" he added, looking at both colleagues "thank you for your gifts. They were most thoughtful."
"Ahhh it was only a little thing, Severus," Minerva said with a soft smile "but I'm glad you liked it."
"The scarf was of exquisite taste, and very pleasant to the touch," Severus said "I'm sure I will use it quite a lot. As were the books, Albus, I'm sure they'll be extremely interesting."
"I wouldn't put it past you to guess the ending before you even begin reading," Albus said as he chuckled "but I hope you do enjoy them."
"I have never read them, so it's unlikely I'll be able to guess," Severus said, "for now we're reading Bridge to Terabithia and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."
The conversation went on for a while. Minerva remembered something about those children books and asked Severus about them. Albus also had a bit of knowledge of muggle children literature, and the three engaged in a debate about books in general. Severus told them, in confidence, that Bridge to Terabithia was read when he wasn't little because he enjoyed Harry reading to him. It felt like going full circle. Severus had read that book to Lily all those years ago, and now Harry was reading it to him.
"Well, I'm glad you worked it out between you, Severus," Albus said after a while "I see now how wrong I was. For all my efforts in making you accept each other in the past, I could've never predicted this. You seem to be made for each other."
"How come you aren't at the Burrow with Harry? Lately you've been attached at the hip, I thought he'd convince Molly to invite you" asked Minerva.
"Oh, he tried" Severus answered, shaking his head "but I didn't want to bother by imposing my presence on them..."
"So, you did want to go with him after all, just maybe with not all the Weasleys" Minerva said. Severus slowly nodded "why didn't you tell him, Severus? I'm sure the Weasleys wouldn't have minded at all..."
"That's what Harry said... but I doubt it," he said, his voice low. His curtain of black hair came to hide half his face "I know the looks they send me, and the comments... foul git, bat of the dungeons... I've heard them all."
"They wouldn't say that in front of you. Especially with Harry there too" Albus argued, "I'm certain he would make a big fuss if they did..."
"So am I. And that's what I wanted to avoid..." Severus whispered, his voice trailing off.
He didn't want Harry to get mad with the Weasleys on his account. Plus, he didn't want to bother him. He'd spent enough time with him as it was, and he deserved to do things without him. Minerva herself had said it, they were attached at the hip. A bit of air would be good for both of them. Plus, it should be easy, shouldn't it? After all, they did spend a few hours away from each other every day, teaching at opposite sides of the castle.
Then why did it feel so claustrophobic in here? Why did he feel like a part of his heart was missing without Harry? Why did he feel uneasy, out of his element in the company of the two other people who'd always trusted him and offered him their hand?
Why did he want to leave and hide, to wait by the fireplace until the flames turned green and Harry appeared in a swirl of soot and dust, coughing and smiling? What if he was coming back now, what if he was there, in their quarters, and...?
"Severus?" Minerva's voice brought him back to reality.
He blinked several times, confusion written in his expression, in his furrowed brow.
"Are you alright, my boy?" Albus asked, concern filling his voice.
Severus closed his eyes, lowering his head, his shoulders hunched. He didn't understand what was happening, but he felt a cold dread settle in his stomach and a pang of pain in his heart. It felt as though someone was stabbing him with a dagger. The warmth and comfort he'd felt that morning in Harry's arms were gone, now he was cold, alone.
What was this? Why did he feel like this? He felt confused, his feelings and thoughts a jumble in his mind. He only knew he wanted that warmth back, he wanted the safety he felt in Harry's arms, the comfort and calm he provided. He wanted the scent of ink and parchment to surround him, to intoxicate him and not let him detect any other smell.
Then, he felt the warmth of a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked to his left; Albus had got up from his seat and was hunching to be at his eye level. His blue eyes were looking at him through his half-moon shaped glasses, they were full of affection and worry.
"Why don't you go, Severus?" he suggested
"I can't go now," he said, and hated when he heard his voice choked with emotion "what sort of person would I be if I interrupted their day, uninvited?"
"No one will mind, the Weasleys are affable people. They will understand" Minerva added, "what's more, Harry would want to know if you need him..."
"I'm... I'm not so sure..." Severus whispered.
"What's in your mind, my boy? Maybe we can help"
"I doubt..." he began, but then he shut up, shaking his head and gathering his thoughts. He started again "it's just that... it seems too good to be true."
"What do you mean?"
"Harry is... he's the opposite of everything I'd always believed" Severus admitted, "he's patient with me, understands my needs better than myself, is willing to go to lengths unimaginable... for me..."
"Well, of course, Severus. What did you expect?" Minerva said "we'd been telling you for years that Harry was not as you painted him to be. He's nothing like his father."
"No, I know that now" Severus continued "what he gives me... I have no words for it. I, on the other hand, have nothing to offer him..."
Both Minerva and Albus stayed silent, waiting for him to elaborate. But Severus didn't have the language to do so, he barely understood it himself.
"What if... what if after this time together, after making all this effort... he leaves? What if he... does what everyone else did?"
Voicing his fear had taken extreme courage of Severus. He breathed hard, almost panting, and fixed his eyes on the dancing flames of the fireplace in front of him. He had had these thoughts many times, and every time he considered what they should do next, what their next step should be, his fears took control. He wanted Harry in his life, Merlin, he wanted him so bad. Not only for now, not only for this year... but always. He envisaged growing old with Harry, sitting on an armchair together, their feet close to the fireplace to get warm, sharing a blanket... but he would never forgive himself if he forced him to stay, even if it was done unconsciously.
"Why do you think Harry would leave?"
"Because... Albus, what can I offer him?" Severus said. He opened his arms in frustration as if he himself was evidence enough. "I'm old, ugly, snarky, and now a clingy and needy boy as well. It's all fine for now, but what can I possibly offer that he wants? What can I give him, long term, to such a young and capable man?"
He took a ragged breath, letting it out slowly. He felt a lump in his throat and he gulped, trying to go past it.
"I'm just cutting his wings, that's all... he will realize later on what a waste of time this was..."
Minerva sighed, her lips drawing a sad, sympathetic smile Severus had seen often.
"Have you voiced these concerns with him?"
Severus shook his head no.
"He's promised he won't leave. He's told me he wants to stay, and that may be true for now... but what about later on?"
Then Minerva got up too and walked to Severus, her steps as silent as a cat's, and hunched beside him. She placed one of her hands on the armrest for support, while the other placed itself on his knee.
"I can't answer for Harry himself, Severus. But I think you know that he wouldn't be with you if he didn't want to" she answered. "I saw him a few times after the war, and he was adrift, without a real sense of purpose or direction. The way he is now... I hadn't seen him so focused, so happy in many years. Perhaps what you have with him is precisely what he needs. Maybe, having a friendship with you is exactly what he was missing in his life."
All of a sudden, Severus remembered. At the graveyard at Godric's Hollow, those had been Harry's exact words. Could that really be true? Could Severus Snape, a former Death Eater who'd spent his years terrorizing the kid while he was in school, be what Harry wanted and needed in his life?
"I'm... not sure..." Severus admitted "I'm not..." his voice trailed off, unsure of what to say.
"You are confused, and in need of reassurance" Albus whispered, looking at him through worried blue eyes. Then, the hand that had been on his shoulder squeezed "go to him, Severus. He'll be there for you, you know that. He won't turn you away."
Severus's hands went towards his chest, touching the small ampulla he was wearing over his clothes. He could do it. He could only touch it with his finger, and Harry would appear to him immediately, no questions asked. He could summon him on a whim, he had him at the tip of his fingertips.
But could he do that? Could he make him leave, when he hadn't seen the Weasleys in a long time; when he hadn't seen his friends in weeks? No, Severus could never do that
There was only one option.
"You're right" he whispered as he abruptly got up from the armchair, his cloak billowing with his sudden movement. The urge in his chest was too much, he needed Harry's presence to calm down. He even felt his fingers itching to move incessantly, clenching and unclenching in fists.
"Good choice" Albus answered as he nodded, his eyes twinkling and a small smile under his white beard.
"You'll see it's the best you could do," Minerva said as she nodded "give the Weasleys our regards, will you?"
"I will," he said as he walked towards the wooden door. Then, before he left, he turned around.
Both Albus and Minerva were standing as they looked at him. He smiled as he gave them a slight bow with his head.
"Thank you. Both of you" he said before he opened the door and left.
His feet took him to the Front Door of the castle in less time than he'd imagined. Right as he was about to cross it, he remembered something. He couldn't drop unannounced and uninvited at somebody's house without, at least, some sort of gift.
He took his wand out, and looking left and right to make sure nobody was seeing him, he summoned a bottle of Firewhisky from his personal store. He wouldn't be drinking it anyway.
With the bottle securely in his inside robes, he walked outside, trudging through the snow towards the Front Gates. It was cold and windy, and he felt his cheeks starting to go numb, now he knew why Harry had decided to floo to the Burrow. But still, he kept walking, until he crossed the Front Gates. He closed his eyes and focused.
When he opened them again, he saw the Burrow.
The wind outside Ottery St Catchpole was cold but not as cold as in Scotland. And there was no snow, which Severus was thankful for. He felt his long coat and trousers cold and wet, and before he took another step he cast a drying and heating charm to them.
Then he looked up, his eyes fixed on the house, and he couldn't keep his lips from smirking. It suited the eccentric and eclectic Weasley family to a T.
The base of the building was an old stone pigpen, which had surely been made bigger and had several crooked stories attached to it. Several lights were coming through the windows, so Severus knew the family was still inside. Four or five chimneys dotted the roof, and the building seemed about to collapse any minute; only magic preventing it from doing so.
He gulped and tried to calm his racing heartbeat, he could feel it pulsating on his temple. But the need in his chest was far worse, so he took another step towards the house.
It was only the Weasleys, Severus had faced much, much worse in his life. He'd faced the Dark Lord and survived, for crying out loud! And yet, he feared them. He feared rejection, he feared ridicule in front of everyone... but mostly he feared Harry. His cold eyes, smiling cruelly from where he stood, his wand pointing at him...
NO!
Harry was not James!
Harry would never do that. His Harry would never hurt him in public, would never humiliate him or treat him like dirt. No, he would protect him... he would make it better.
Severus shook his head and, without giving himself time to think it twice, he knocked at the door, his heart beating like mad with trepidation. The seconds it took for someone to open it were eternal, and at the same time, the shortest in Severus's life. He tried to school his features, trying to occlude and go past his inner turmoil.
When the door opened and revealed Mrs Weasley, Severus's heart stopped momentarily. This was it, no turning back now.
Mrs Weasley's eyes widened at seeing him.
"Severus?" she asked, and then looked behind him as if to make sure he was alone "is everything okay?"
"Hello, Mrs Weasley" he answered with a slight bow of his head.
"Molly" she corrected him almost automatically "come on, come in, it's cold outside. What are you doing here?"
"Apologies, I didn't want to intrude" Severus answered, taking a few steps in and allowing her to close the door "I was wondering if Potter was still here..."
"He is, he's with Ron and Hermione upstairs" she answered "shall I get him?"
"Yes, please, if you don't mind" Severus answered, but before she ran upstairs he continued "I didn't want to bother you uninvited, so I brought this. To apologise."
He handed her the bottle he'd brought with him. Ogden's Old Firewhisky, the best of the best.
"Oh, Severus, you didn't have to" Molly answered, taking the bottle in her hands with a smile "but thank you very much. Come in, most people have dispersed, but make yourself comfortable while I go and -"
"Professor?" came a younger voice, interrupting Molly.
"Mr Weasley" Severus greeted as he saw the muscular, red-haired man behind his mother.
"Oh Charlie, great" Molly said as she turned around and made for the stairs "stay with Severus and put the kettle on, please. I'll go get Harry."
Molly walked up the stairs and disappeared, leaving Severus and Charlie alone in the living room.
Severus avoided his gaze, he didn't want to feel more of an idiot than he already felt. He focused on his breathing, keeping his expression neutral and unreadable. He was feeling foolish enough as it was, suddenly standing in the Weasley's living room, feeling like he was intruding. If only he had accepted Harry's offer to suggest inviting him to Molly, if only...
"I'm glad to see you, Professor. Is everything okay?" Charlie asked, taking a few steps towards the man "do you need anything?"
Severus shook his head, still keeping his gaze down.
"I merely wanted to... speak with Potter. Nothing out of the ordinary" he said and hated his voice didn't sound commanding as it had always been.
Charlie didn't answer, and Severus fought the urge to clench his hands in fists. He hated when he said something and people didn't react. What was Charlie thinking? Was he...?
"It's okay, you know. To admit you miss him" Charlie's voice said in a whisper.
Then, he took another step forward, standing close to Severus but not so close that he felt his personal space being invaded.
Severus lifted his gaze, confused.
"He's told us you're friends, and it's obvious how much he cares about you. You should've heard him, he couldn't stop praising you" Charlie said with a wide smile. "It's okay to admit you miss him and care about him too. It's what friends do, after all."
Friend... he missed his friend. That's what it was.
He realized then what had happened, the fog in his mind lifting as Charlie's words gave sense to his jumbled feelings.
He had felt Harry's absence acutely while conversing with Albus and Minerva, and what had made it worse was that they didn't stop talking about him. He hadn't understood it at the time, but it made perfect sense now. Harry hadn't been near him, he'd been miles away, and he'd felt lonely and adrift without him. He was missing him, terribly in fact.
"I... I hadn't felt this in a long time... maybe ever" Severus admitted, and he had no idea why he'd said that. Words had spilled out of his mouth without permission.
Charlie's smile turned fonder, and he nodded.
"Well, I'm glad you found a friend in Harry, sir" he answered with a soft voice "his loyalty can even rival yours."
He said that with a small giggle, and Severus looked at him to see he was winking at him.
And just like that, he felt his shoulders relax a bit. The corners of his lips tugged upwards and he nodded.
"Severus?"
Severus turned around, recognizing that voice as Harry's.
And there he was, impressive as always with his suit and tie, and his emerald green eyes. They were watching him, narrowed.
The young man took a few steps towards Severus, and he realized he tried to block the rest of the family from seeing him. Severus's heart warmed and felt a lump in his throat, how could he have ever confused Harry with his father? He would never throw him to the wolves. In fact, at this very moment, he was protecting him even in front of his adopted family.
"What's wrong?" he whispered, taking one last step and standing in front of him.
"Don't worry, I'm fine" Severus rushed to say, sensing his concern and worry almost coming off in waves "nothing happened."
"Then what...?"
Severus shook his head, gulping. His hand went to his chest, where he was wearing the ampulla Harry had gifted him. He saw Harry's eyes following his fingers, fixing his gaze on his chest. And then, one of his hands sneaked through his buttons and with a single finger he touched the cold metal of the ampulla.
He didn't see out of the ordinary in Harry, but he saw his breath hitching and his eyes widening.
"I just... I was with Albus and Minerva, and..." he stopped and gulped, still caressing the ampulla "I just..."
He fell silent, the words dying in his mouth, incapable of voicing them.
But Harry understood. He took just another step, stepping into his personal space. The smell of ink and parchment surrounded him, and Severus closed his eyes momentarily, his resolve almost faltering. Merlin, how much he'd missed that smell!
"It's alright" Harry whispered in a soothing voice, and it sounded like a balm to Severus "I'm here, Severus. I didn't leave."
Severus saw Harry glancing behind him, making sure everyone was pretending to not look at them, and then he felt a small, warm hand encircling his.
"It's okay, separation anxiety is quite common at this stage" Harry whispered "but we're fine. Do you want to go home?"
Severus dared to steal a glance at Harry. He saw his worry in the way his eyes grew huge and glistened, in the way his breath sounded a bit more elaborate. And Severus felt incredibly appreciated, that he was willing to leave the Weasley's and their company just because he was missing him.
But no, that wasn't fair to Harry. He'd done so much for him, that he deserved to spend a day with his friends. Besides, going to Hogwarts was not what Severus himself wanted.
"No, we don't have to do that" Severus said.
Then, he cleared his throat and lifted his gaze, looking behind him. Molly and Charlie had taken a few steps back to give them privacy. A bit further away Severus could distinguish Hermione Weasley's brown, wild hair. He couldn't clearly see him, but the red-haired man next to her must've been Ronald Weasley. They were keeping their distance too, and everyone was speaking in low tones both to respect their privacy and to not disturb them. He was incredibly thankful for that.
"If they don't mind my intrusion, I wonder if we could abuse the Weasley's hospitality a bit more. I don't want to keep you from them" he said in a louder voice, so they could all hear him.
"We have tea and pastries for everyone, including you, Severus. You are always welcome here" Molly answered at his words.
Arthur Weasley, who'd come from the shed not long after Charlie, walked towards him. Severus looked at him through narrowed eyes, not knowing what he was doing, until he stood in front of him and offered his hand.
"Severus," he said with an affable smile "I hope you had a great Christmas."
Severus smiled, a bit surprised, and shook his hand. It felt warm and he had a strong, firm grip.
"I did, thank you, Arthur" he answered with a nod "I trust you did the same."
"We did, thank you."
"Hello, Professor. Nice to see you" said a feminine voice, and when Severus looked up, he saw Hermione smiling at him.
He felt his heart jump in his chest. He looked from Ron to Hermione, both having taken a few steps to stand behind Harry and looking at him with a warm expression in their eyes.
They knew from Harry himself that they were friends, that their relationship went deeper than mere colleagues. And yet, they were standing there, smiling. Their faces spoke of acceptance, their eyes were not hostile, not even Ron's. Severus gulped and nodded, feeling warmth bubbling in his chest.
"Nice to see you too, Ms Weasley. Mr Weasley" he answered.
Then, the warm hand that had been grabbing his began to tug at him. He looked to his right and saw Harry smiling at him, his eyes still glistening. He pulled him a bit further into the living room, and he let himself be guided towards the sofa, sitting in a corner. Harry sat next to him, so close that their legs were pressed against each other.
The rest began to sit down around them, Hermione on the other side of Harry. The rest of the Weasleys sat on sofas and armchairs around them, Charlie Weasley took up the armchair to Severus's left.
Once everyone was seated Molly levitated the kettle and poured tea for everyone, passing along the cups. Severus was silent, still too anxious inside to say a single word for fear of messing it up.
However, his eyes danced around the sea of red hairs, freckles and blue eyes, and not once did he see any judgemental or reproachful look. They seemed to be a bit tense though, the younger ones particularly, but it was to be expected. The only ones who seemed to be at ease were Charlie and Harry himself, who beamed at him, serving the tea to his taste before passing the cup to him.
"This reminds me... I have something for you, sir" Charlie said with a mischievous smirk before he disappeared into the kitchen.
A few seconds later, the smell hit him before anything else.
He closed his eyes and felt his heart stop for a second. His mind transported him to years and years ago when the kitchen as Spinner's End would be filled with the smell of cinnamon and dirigible plums.
Severus looked at Charlie, he didn't have to look at the small plate in his hands to know what it was.
Holiday Blancmange.
He blinked and bit his lower lip, feeling a lump in his throat.
"You... remembered?" and he heard his voice falter.
Charlie only smiled, placing the plate in his hands as he sat down close to him.
"Always, sir. Besides, it's Boxing Day. It's only fitting" Charlie said with a smile "I hope you like it."
Severus only nodded, unable to say anything else, his mouth dry, he felt overwhelmed. He only nodded, blinking repeatedly.
When he looked back at Charlie, he saw his wide smile. His expression was like an open book, and he could see how delighted he was.
His big hand landed on Severus's shoulder and he felt him squeeze, visibly happy. Severus looked down at the dessert in his lap and breathed in, deeply, letting the scents of dirigible plums and cinnamon fill his sense of smell.
He could feel Harry's leg pressed against him, his warm eyes on him. Charlie's chocolate brown eyes were also looking at him, as were the rest of the Weasley's.
He took the first bite of the Holiday Blancmange, and he had to close his eyes and take a deep breath. It tasted like a warm embrace, hot cocoa on a winter snowy night, reading a book by the fire. It tasted like affection, friendship, love.
It tasted like family.
"If my memory serves me, this is the best Blancmange I've ever eaten" he whispered after that first bite that tasted like heaven itself on earth. He saw Charlie's smile widening "I appreciate it, Charlie. Truly" and his voice sounded as heartfelt as he himself felt.
"Anytime, sir" the young man answered with a smile.
"Severus" he corrected him "I'm not your Professor anymore, I haven't been for quite a while. I think we've passed that stage of titles."
He looked to the rest of the Weasleys, he saw some of them nodding their approval.
And, just like that, the lingering tension that had been floating in the air seemed to disappear. In fact, he could've sworn he'd seen Hermione discreetly wiping his eyes with her sleeve. Molly was looking at him with a soft, affectionate smile on her face. His eyes travelled through all the family, he locked gazes with Arthur, and the older Weasley nodded his head. He felt something lighter in his chest as he did so.
Charlie nodded his head at Severus's words and smiled, squeezing his shoulder once more before he let go.
"Severus, then," he said, and his smile had never been so wide.
The Slytherin looked at him and then to Harry, whose smile was so open, so affectionate, that Severus had trouble swallowing.
"I never knew about this" Harry whispered to his ear "but I'm glad he made this for you. As you can see, they also care about you."
"So it seems" Severus answered in the same hushed tone, while a smile danced on his lips.
Without thinking he filled another spoonful and offered it to Harry, who captured it between his lips. Severus could see in his expression the moment the taste of cinnamon and dirigible plums mixed in his mouth, the moment the explosion of the sweet and slightly spicy flavour of the cinnamon hit his senses.
"Mmmm wonderful," he said as he swallowed. Severus only smiled as he nodded.
It didn't take long for conversations to ensue, and Severus felt himself becoming calmer and more relaxed, his heart calming its mad beating. He spoke with Charlie and Arthur, while Harry himself was speaking to his friends and Ginny about Quidditch. All the while, he could feel Harry's leg pressed against his.
At one point, one of Harry's hands travelled to his leg to call his attention to ask him about the Hogwarts Quidditch season. When Severus answered and he turned back to his own conversation, the Potions Master noticed Harry's hand was still on his leg. But he didn't have the strength nor the desire to pull away.
For years he'd shied away from public displays of affection, but now... now he felt appreciated. Harry was telling everyone that Severus was his, that he was in his life, and had no reason to hide the fact from anyone. Least of all, his family. He felt lighter, Harry's company among the Weasleys warming something in him he didn't know he still had. Was this what people felt when they were amongst family? He sincerely hoped so, because he didn't want that feeling to be over.
The afternoon elapsed quickly, and before none of them knew it, it was already quite dark and time to go back to Hogwarts.
"Mrs Weasley, thank you for the amazing food and company," Harry said as he put on his coat.
"It was a pleasure, my dear" she answered, pulling him into a hug "please, drop by sooner, we miss you!"
"I will" he answered with a smile.
"And Severus, do come by whenever you feel like it," she said, turning to him "you are always welcome here."
"Thank you, Molly. I appreciate it" Severus said putting on his coat, still a bit overwhelmed by how much acceptance he'd found.
"It's been great to see you, Severus," Charlie said as he offered his hand to him. The Potions Master shook it, and he felt warmth spreading through his arm when Charlie's other hand went to his forearm, squeezing. "I hope we can see each other more often."
"I hope that too" Severus answered "and thank you for the dessert. It was truly delightful, and I appreciate the thought you put into it."
They all exchanged greetings and promises to see each other soon until only Ron and Hermione remained.
"Let's walk to the apparition wards, shall we?" suggested Ron, and Hermione nodded and started to walk beside him.
Severus looked at Harry with a raised eyebrow, who only shrugged before following his friend. Once outside Harry closed the door and walked in sync with Severus, a few paces behind Ron and Hermione.
"Right, you," Ron said when they were sufficiently away from the house so nobody could hear them "I'm counting on you to drag Harry here, even if you have to pull him from his ears, to..."
"What Ronald means" Hermione interrupted with a nervous smile "is that he had a good time with you, Professor, and wants to see you again soon."
"I'm glad, Mr Weasley" Severus said with a mischievous smile "and I will endeavour to bring Harry back here as soon as possible. I apologize for keeping him away."
"Hey, the last times I couldn't meet you because I had work to do" Harry protested "it wasn't because of Severus."
"Yeah, and we know what a terrible liar you are. Just... don't let it be so long, okay?" Ron said, then he turned to Severus "and sir..."
"Severus" he amended.
"Severus" Ron corrected himself, and Severus saw his expression; as if he was tasting how his name sounded in his lips. He went on "I know I am late, but for what it's worth, I am sorry for everything I said in the past. While I do think you deserved some of it, I can see now there's more to you than what you showed."
The other three people stared at Ron, wide-eyed, most of all Severus. He took a deep breath, feeling his lungs cold as he inhaled the freezing air of the winter evening.
"I agree with your judgement, Mr Weasley, my behaviour was appalling and I did deserve your treatment" Severus answered. "Nevertheless, I am thankful for your apology. And I too am sorry for what I did and said in the past."
"Let's start again, shall we?" he asked with a nervous smile "I can't promise I'll be nice all the time, and if you hurt Harry you'll have to deal with me" he added with a hint of warning. "But I can see now how important he is to you. And Harry, I now understand what you mean when you say this is what you need."
Harry only nodded, still mystified by his friend's mature reaction. He, however, didn't speak. While he was close to Severus, ready to jump if any of them attacked him, he seemed to know his friends enough to let them speak their minds freely.
"I assure you, Mr Weasley, hurting Harry is the last thing I want" Severus said.
"Ron" he said "if we're going to start using first names, that's mine. Use it. There are too many Mr Weasleys in the family already."
Severus felt his lips tugging into a smile.
Then, Ron took a step forward and offered his hand. Severus accepted his offer and shook his hand, it felt as strong and warm as his father's.
"Thank you, Ron" Severus whispered as he gave a last shake and let go of his hand.
"I think we all did things we regret" Hermione interjected, still shocked at her husband's words but with a small smile, looking at Severus in the eye. "I am sorry too if I ever said something that hurt you, we were truly blind. But we can all now look to the future."
Severus stayed silent, looking up into the darkened sky. It was clear of clouds. Far out in the country where the Burrow was, he could see the stars as clearly as if he was looking from the astronomy tower of Hogwarts. He sighed.
"The future can sometimes be bleak or mystifying" Severus answered in a whisper.
"Not this. Not us" Harry's voice came.
Then, Severus felt Harry's small and warm hand clutching his and squeezing tight. His other hand grabbed Hermione's, who grabbed Ron's. Together, the four of them looked into each other's eyes. Severus felt his emerald green eyes on him, as well as Ron and Hermione's, who were standing in a semi-circle, very close to them.
"I know for a fact that this is what I want in my future," he said "all of you. Together."
Severus, at a loss for words, returned the squeeze in his hand in silence. He saw, out of the corner of his eye, Ron and Hermione nodding with smiles on their faces.
"Let's go home" Harry whispered to him when he let go of his friend's hand, but he kept a grip on his "see you soon, guys."
"See you soon, Harry. Severus" Hermione said, Ron waved with his hand.
"Goodbye, Ron. Hermione" Severus said before they disapparated in a swirl of black and the silhouette of the Burrow disappeared into the night.
When he opened his eyes again, he saw the silhouette of Hogwarts castle illuminated in the darkened winter night. The grounds and roofs of the building were covered in snow, and they started to walk their way back into the castle. Despite the cold, Severus felt a lot warmer inside than hours before.
As they walked, Severus realized Harry had yet to let go of his hand. He didn't say a word, supposing he would let go of him by the time they would get into the castle. However, once inside the safety and warmth of the castle - at least in contrast to the freezing wind outside - Harry didn't let go. Together they started the descent towards the dungeons, holding hands.
It was a small gesture, Severus knew. But from his standpoint, that gesture spoke volumes. Harry was saying to whoever saw them, to whoever dared to challenge or ridicule them, that he and Severus were united in one single front. They were walking hand in hand, and showing the world that they were, indeed, together. Severus's heart was ready to explode with warmth, the small gesture speaking more about Harry than any of his words had done before.
As soon as they arrived at their quarters and got inside, Harry wordlessly got rid of Severus's winter coat and jacket, and his own coat, jacket and tie. They stood in their living room, Harry only clad in trousers and his crisp white shirt. The two first buttons were undone, and Severus gulped, being able to make out his muscled and toned chest. How had this scrawny and short boy become such a handsome young man? Severus had no answers.
Then, in a sudden movement, Harry's arms engulfed him in a fierce hug, he felt his body being pulled against his.
"Harry?" he asked, somewhat worried about his sudden action.
"I just... I've wanted to do this for hours" Harry admitted to his chest.
"I'm-I'm not sure I'm following" Severus whispered.
"You came," Harry said simply. "I didn't want to celebrate without you, and while I was having fun, a part of me had wanted to come and get you. You've become so important in my life, Severus..."
The Potions Master nodded, his arms coming to rest on Harry's back and pulling him closer.
"I know it's ridiculous, but the moment I saw you there... at first I got worried, but after confirming you were okay..." Harry shook his head momentarily "I can't describe the happiness I felt."
"You were... happy I'd come?"
Harry then pulled away a bit, enough to lock his gaze with him.
"Of course I was, Severus," he said, smiling, as he reached and placed a small kiss on the tip of his crooked nose "I always am."
Severus, still surprised, only nodded.
"I wasn't going to. I was resolved in letting you spend some well-deserved time with the Weasleys. But then, Albus and Minerva started to ask about you, and..." Severus's voice trailed off, he still didn't know how to explain himself. The way he'd felt lost and adrift without Harry, the need he'd felt of safety and comfort near him, had been almost impossible to bear. But he had no words to describe it.
"It's alright, I imagined it could happen. We've been together all the time lately, we aren't used to being away for so long" Harry answered. "But it's okay. You did well in coming to find me."
"I hope I didn't bother them too much," Severus said "I didn't want to intrude..."
"You didn't. And as you saw, they accepted you. All of them" Harry said "especially Charlie. I think he has a soft spot for you."
"Don't be ridiculous," Severus said. Charlie Weasley, a soft spot for him? Ha! But he had to admit, the thought of cooking some Holiday Blancmange for him had taken him by surprise. As it had taken him by surprise the first time, about twenty years ago.
They stood there, holding each other, for a long time. Harry had started to sway them side to side, and Severus started to feel his eyelids heavy.
"Let's go to bed, yeah?" the young man whispered, Severus only nodded.
Together they walked to their bedroom and changed into nightclothes. Then, their arms wrapped around each other automatically. Harry pressed himself against Severus, and he could feel the young man's warmth close to his. If he closed his eyes he could almost swear he could also hear his strong, steady heartbeat.
"Thank you for coming, Severus" Harry whispered. He rested his forehead against his and exhaled softly, their breaths mixing in the minimal space between them. "You have no idea how much it meant to me. Now I can say I am completely, utterly happy."
"Merlin, you can be sappy when you want to" Severus scoffed, but he was astonished at Harry's confession.
"Oh, you don't even know half of it" he answered with a giggle, Severus smiled.
Together, wrapped up in each other's arms, it didn't take long for them to fall asleep.
And it's DONE! What did you think? Did you like Severus with separation anxiety, is it believable? And what about CHARLIE?! I absolutely loved writing him, and of course he does have a soft spot for Severus! Do you think he should appear more in this story?
What do you think is coming next? Let me know your predictions below! And as always, if you have a suggestion or scene you would like to see, leave it in the comments and I'll do my best to include it.
Thank you to all of you who are reading and leaving comments, and especially all those who keep coming back chapter after chapter and let me know their thoughts. Your comments help me tons.
See you next Wednesday with the next instalment. Have a nice week and be safe!