Piper

When you're 21, a lot of other life events are ramping up like, graduating from college, securing jobs and internships, and moving to a new city could all be on the horizon.

My sister said that one of the best part of being a 21-year old human is you can go to a liquor store! Yay! You can get ID'd at the bar and they won't turn you away!

To be honest, it is definitely a super exciting and slightly terrifying time. You are in a crazy whirlwind process of finishing college, taking a few steps in your career, and preparing to embark on life as a true adult- whatever that means.

As I said, it is very exciting and terrifying, with your mind battling millions of thoughts at once, it's easy to forget to take a moment and stop stressing and just enjoy the moment while it lasts.

I was naive at twenty-one. I always thought that the world is a nice place and everything in it is beautiful.

I was in that phase where I was experimenting and I wanted to try everything. Growing up I knew I was very fortunate. Financially we are very stable and I have a loving family, I have a sister whom I consider as my best friend and I have the most loving and cool parents.

So after graduating from college I moved away from our home in New Jersey and lived in Manhattan.

Living alone for the first time in a big city is a valuable learning experience for me. It gives me a newfound taste of independence, responsibility and shapes the way I think. I learn how to be considerate of others and stop taking the little things for granted, manage my money, and make decisions for myself.

When I first arrived in New York I was working part time in a coffee shop when I met this guy, Larry. He is a successful business man and was one of our regular customers.

He was very nice and would often ask me about my day. I didn't realize that he was flirting with me because like what my sister would say, I am completely oblivious to male attention.

During one of my shift one day he just flat out told me that he has a crush on me. I was not actively looking for a relationship at that time because I have other priorities and also he wasn't really my type to begin with.

Many times he had invited me to go out with him, but everytime I politely declined. I would tell him excuses like, I have an early shift the next day or I already made plans with my friends. But Larry was very persistent.

And over time things changed. I gradually started to like him. I knew he loved me and cared deeply for me, or so I thought. So after 9 months of dating, he asked me to move in with him and I didn't hesitate.

Larry was extremely sweet and respectful. I felt like everything is going well in my life and I also secure the dream job I always wanted as an editor in a publishing firm. I thought life couldn't get anymore perfect than this.

"Piper, I love you and you know that, but I don't like your decision of moving in with Larry.

Don't you think it's too soon?". My sister Jamie continue to stare at me like I'm loosing my mind. The sun was setting as we stroll the beach.

"Really? Coming from someone who got married after only dating her boyfriend for 6 months?".

"You know it's different, I already know that Mark is the right one for me and he's proven that up until now even if we have kids".

That's true though, Mark is a good guy and a loving father to their kids. Even after years of being married to my twisted sister, I can still see the spark between them. My sister is 9 years older than me and unlike me she is not afraid of anything and she's also a little crazy, but in a good way and she's perceptive and she's not afraid to say what's on her mind.

"Even Dad think so". She added.

I was looking down at the sand then, up to my sister. This surprised me because my Dad didn't say anything to me when I come talked to him. He was actually very understanding, or maybe I just thought. Hmmm, even so, he didn't say something to me.

"Really? Dad didn't mention to me anything when I told him".

She laughed before catching my eye. My sister shook her head, she couldn't suppress her smile as if I said something funny.

"Oh Piper! You are so naive sometimes. Dad didn't say anything that's because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings, dumb ass".

"Oh".

I can't think of anything to say anymore and we continue walking down the beach in silence. I watch as the waves crushed and rolled along the beach.

"I don't understand why you even dated him in the first place". My sister said breaking the silence.

"I mean there are a lot of guys out there, do you even love him?". I don't want to talk about my relationship with Larry, let alone discuss it, but I know my sister meant well and her last sentence struck me. Hard. I'm not even sure what I felt for Larry.

I shook my head gently and try to brush away the feeling that's creeping into me. The same feeling that's keeping me awake at night. The feeling of confusion and being afraid. We've been together for months and I never once felt the need to tell Larry that I love him. By somehow saying those words to him, I feel like I'm lying to myself.

"I just want to settle down, I mean I'm getting old". I finally said.

"Oh, please. You're not even thirty and you're a good catch".

"Yeah, right"

I had to roll my eyes at my sister. I don't understand what she meant by "good catch" because as far as I know? nobody showed interest in me until Larry came.

"Jesus, you are so oblivious". My sister said exasperated. "I know for a fact that men - even married men - would often crane their necks when you walk past them. Piper you are beautiful and you're smart and caring and the most genuine person I know. So I don't get why you waste your time on him".

"I told you, he is... nice".

"Nice? Really Piper? Did you remember the old guy who live near mom and dad's house? the one who used to give us candies everytime we pass by his house?"

"Yeah, I remember him, why?".

"Well he still lives there and he's alone".

"Okay... but what's his connection with Larry?".

"I still remember you keep saying how nice he is. Maybe you should date him. He's nice".

"Okay Jamie, that's creepy and borderline crazy".

"What? I thought he's the kind of guy you prefer. The nice one".

"I get what you mean, but Larry? He's different and I like him. I hope you understand that".

My sister breath deeply in defiance. "You like him? Okay, whatever you say. But don't tell me I didn't warn you".

We continue walking in silence until we reach their house. Today is one of those gorgeous evenings with a soft breeze and the sky is of a thousand different colors. At a normal day I would enjoy this amazing view but oddly enough this beautiful sight didn't help me calm down the raging emotions inside me. I sigh and closed my eyes and keeping my fingers cross and hoping that I'm making the right decision.

As stubborn as I was, I didn't listen to them and I paid the price for it.

6 months after moving in with Larry, I got pregnant with our son. That's when I started to notice a change in Larry's behavior towards me.

At first he would insult me and would comment something that hurts me. I would just dismiss it as nothing or just an off day for him. Maybe he is stressing about work, so I would just brush it off.

As months progress, Larry spend less and less time with me. I would often find myself in our apartment alone most of the time. At night he would usually go out and spend time with his friends going to the bar and getting drunk. Everytime I confront him he would yell at me and will become verbally and emotionally abusive.

Even after all that I still believe something good left inside him. Maybe this is just a test in our relationship and eventually everything will go back to how it was before. I should give him a chance and we can make this work.

No siree! Never happened.

My sister had been right about him all along.

I didn't want to believe that this is the same guy I fell in love with. I don't know if love is the right word and I'm not even sure if I love him. But ultimately, I just didn't want to accept that I made the wrong decision. I don't want to disappoint my family, I want to prove to them that I made the right choice. I hid what was really happening to me.

"Larry, I'm about to give birth anytime next week. Do you really have to go to this trip with your friends?". I am 38 weeks pregnant and anytime this baby can come out.

"Piper, don't start with me. I already told you about this trip and you agreed. I can't cancel it anymore. Just help me pack".

I have really no choice but to agree with him to avoid fighting and additional stress on my part.

We finished packing for his five days trip to Florida. I wasn't too keen with the idea of being left alone, especially now that I'm going to give birth anytime soon.

"Call me when you need anything, okay? I'll bring my phone with me all the time". Larry said and kissed my cheek.

"Yeah, sure". I said deadpan. Like I can always count on him everytime I need him.

He didn't say anything anymore and I watch him picked up his bag and walk to the door. He didn't even bother looking back at me.

I felt a surge of emotion welled up inside me. Suddenly I feel so alone, and neglected and afraid.

I try to shake off the intense emotion I am feeling so I place my hand on my growing belly.

"Well, I guess it's just you and me again".

While Larry was gone I tried to distract myself by cleaning our apartment. I was also forced to quit the job I dearly love because of my pregnancy and I hate that I have to rely on Larry for finances. Though I have enough money in my bank account, I can't risk spending them all.