Soft, white sand under It, clear, blue skies above It, the bright, yellow Sun overhead casts its warmth down onto It as blue eyes stare at the blue ocean in front of It. That's where home sank, that's where family died, that's where it all ended, all because of one person. No, one thing.
"Binary."
It feels good to think that the one who did that, who killed all of them, died along with them too, that this whole thing is just some complex imagination that the brain is creating and running through in its last moments because It is dying, or is dead. Maybe that would make it less terrible? Maybe that would make It less terrible?
It wouldn't
Blue eyes continue to stare out at the ocean and the brain thinks about everything. Though guilt exists, the brain fabricates delusions to try and ease it all.
Not sorry they are dead
It's very good at lying. It lied to them all for over a month; not one noticed, not one was prepared, not one could've suspected. However, the delusion is only so strong, something must give, some recognition of how It feels must be made. For Its own sake.
Just sorry they didn't see it coming, see It coming, until it did, until It did
Captain, what did you think as It made the hole in your chest? Anger? Hatred? Or worse, the worse thing you could've felt for It.
Love
What about her? Did she see It? Did she know that It killed her? That It killed all of us?
It didn't see her, that's for certain
Blue eyes continue to stare out at the ocean, as if their gaze will change anything, as if they will come back to life, or the airship will rise, or those villagers will not be ashes anymore. The blue eyes have been doing this every day for months. But they won't come back. It knows they won't. Yet, here It is, making the blue eyes do this anyways.
It is stupid
It wonders how the Flickies are doing on that island, Its first home, now so far away.
Hopefully, they are safe. It is sorry It couldn't protect them. It is even sorrier that It joined those who enslaved so many of them
It doesn't wish to think about the fact that the enslaved ones, still on the airship that day, died too, so instead, It wonders if the hut is still there, with Uncle, Father, and most importantly,
Mother
Inside of it. But It knows the truth.
No
Father and Uncle perished in fire, and Mother was broken, all by family before they were family.
It misses them, Mother most of all
It is a foolish little child. It thinks that if It refuses to say those three words, refuses to properly identify, that It will somehow distance Itself from what It did.
It wouldn't
But It continues to do it, even though the lie is pointless, even when It knows that the lie will be impossible to believe, It proceeds with determination and commitment. It looks to Its hands. The white gloves cast a stark contrast to the ochre fur.
Clean
It remembers when they were completely stained. Completely red.
It was so easy to do it
It brings Its tails around to the front, so that blue eyes may observe them. Their ochre fur and white tips sway in front of It.
Clean
It remembers when they were completely covered. Completely soaking.
They never stood a chance
Then It hears something approaching. Blue eyes remain fixed on blue ocean.
A sonic boom. Based on sound lag, it should be around-
Before the brain can finish the mental calculation, a fierce wind blows over It. It remains unfazed.
A hallucination? It hasn't experienced one of those yet...
"Hey there, you alright?"
Blue eyes remain on the blue ocean as It thinks about Its answer, or if the voice is even real.
No reason to change, and It doesn't want to know
"Yea. Just relaxin', that's all."
It lies effortlessly. All the things It's good at seem to only hurt people.
"You all alone out here?"
Blue eyes still stare out at the blue ocean.
"Yea."
"Did you come here with anybody else?"
It thinks about Its family. This does seem like a hallucination, to make It confront everything It's thinking.
Yes, over four thousand of us
"No. Alone."
It thinks about whether or not they can hear that. No, they can't. There is no hereafter, only here.
"Always been alone."
Ochre and white ears hear footsteps in the white sand as he walks closer to It.
Maybe he's not a hallucination?
If so, that is not a smart decision. If only he knew what It did. It ponders telling him what It did.
Not yet
"Sorry to hear that, little guy."
Despite how It feels, the white, furry face forms a smile as blue eyes finally break from the blue ocean and move to the source of the voice: a smiling, blue hedgehog.
"Oh, don't worry, It's fine."
The blue hedgehog sits down beside It. It knows that this isn't right, that It should remain away from him, for his safety. But It is finding it hard to do so.
A little conversation won't hurt
"So, what are you doing out here?"
Blue eyes see the blue hedgehog exhale in an exaggerated manner.
"Makin' sure ol' Eggy isn't up to something."
Ochre and white ears perk up as the brain is alight with curiosity.
"Who's Eggy? And what would he be up to?"
Blue eyes see visible confusion on the tan face of the hedgehog and interest in his green eyes.
"You don't know about Eggman?"
The ochre and white head shakes. It has never heard of this individual.
"Uh, maybe you know him by some other name?"
The ochre and white head nods.
"Possibly."
"Robotnik?"
The ochre and white head nods vigorously now. It has heard that name before.
Captain always talked about how we would put him in his place after we set the fleet straight. It's not sure what he meant, but it doesn't matter anymore
"Yea, heard of him. Sounded like trouble."
It thinks that if doesn't say the three words, It will remain separate. But It doesn't really believe that. But It's trying anyways, because It's stupid.
"You bet! Damn guy is always causing issues."
Blue eyes observe the blue hedgehog shaking his head until he suddenly changes his demeanor to one of shock.
"Oh! Sorry about that, just got really angry."
It is confused.
"Sorry about what?"
"For cursing."
The white mouth cannot hold back laughter from the lungs.
"Hahahaha!"
It thinks that if It compartmentalises every aspect of Itself into its most basic form, lacking any possession, It will prevent the sum of the parts making the whole, making It.
It's all Binary, on or off, yes or no, everything or nothing
But It knows that isn't true. Still, It persists. What else is there for It to do?
"What's so funny?"
Blue eyes lock with green eyes.
"That you think 'damn' is a curse word."
Blue eyes and ochre and white ears see and hear the blue hedgehog chuckling. The heart begins pounding and the chest is experiencing a strange feeling. It is not an unfamiliar one to It. It is what It felt when the last restriction on It was ended, when It fully became one of them.
Became an honourary Battle Bird
"Well, I guess you're not some little baby, huh?"
Ochre and white face form a beaming smile as ochre eyelids shut over blue eyes.
"Nope!"
It is a monster
Ochre eyelids raise back up and blue eyes see the blue hedgehog standing there.
"Hey, you know your way 'round this island?"
The ochre and white head nods.
"Yup."
It awaits for the obvious follow-up.
Will It help him?
But it doesn't come. Strange.
"How old are you?"
Hmm, that's a question It hasn't heard in a while. Last time It was asked that, It didn't know. Now, It does.
"Eight."
"Eight and all alone?"
"Yup."
"So, what do you do around here?"
"Eat, sleep, walk around, sit on beach, stare at ocean."
Blue eyes see the blue hedgehog turn to look out at blue ocean; blue eyes do the same.
"Pretty beautiful, isn't it?"
The ochre and white head nods.
"Yea, it is."
"But dangerous, too."
"Yea, for sure."
"Drowning, ooogh,"
Blue eyes see blue hedgehog shudder.
"What a terrible way to go."
If only you knew. About them, about It.
But It won't say that, lies are easy, truth is direct
"Actually, yours truly can swim."
It is working very hard to not say those three words.
"Huh?"
"Swim, in water. Can do it. How'd you think one would get to this island?"
"Oh wow, that's awesome! Can you show me?"
Ochre and white head turns to face the water
It doesn't like to swim, reminds It of that day, when It swam past family as they flailed about in the ocean, so far away from any land, even this island.
Without a second thought
"Not really feeling like it right now. Sorry."
It feels a warmth on Its shoulder. It knows It should reject the feeling, reject the kindness. It's the right thing to do after all.
But It won't
"That's alright. I don't like being in water too, even just shallow. Anything above knees is too much."
"Know what that feels like, not with water, but being afraid of something that logically shouldn't be scary."
"Like what?"
Too many things
But It will give an easy answer, for his sake.
"Lightning."
"Whew, I can def understand that one. Whenever I fly, storms alw-"
The brain is alight with excitement as the ochre and white head turns and blue eyes return their gaze to the blue hedgehog.
"You fly?"
The blue hedgehog nods.
"Yup! Got myself a little biplane."
The blue hedgehog stands up.
"And speaking of her, she's actually a bit busted. So, after I figure out if Eggman is here or not, I'll need to spend a bit of time fixing her."
Blue eyes see the blue hedgehog look around.
"Well, it was nice talking to ya."
"Wait, where are you going?"
"I gotta run. Eggman won't stop himself. Besides, I can't just sit still."
It feels that urge again. The same one when It was first brought to the bridge. When It thought It was going to die.
It must make Itself useful
"Wait, your plane,"
White glove points to white chest.
"Could fix it, ya know?"
White, furry face forms a smirk.
"Oh, really? You good with all that tech and mechanical stuff?"
The white and ochre head nods with eagerness.
"You bet!"
This feels so good, to be with someone, even though It knows how that went last time.
It doesn't care, It doesn't want to lose this
"Well, I'll be sure to find you when I'm lookin' to fix the Tornado. Catch ya around, little guy!"
The blue hedgehog speeds off so fast that blue eyes struggle to catch it; but they do.
It can't lose him!
Ochre legs stand up, red and white shoes begin pounding into the sand, and tails begin spinning.
"Hold up!"
It begins running as fast It can, faster than It's ever ran before.
Heart pounds, though not because It's running, but because It's feeling something It hasn't felt in some time.
Happiness, a goal, someone to be with
Despite the warm Sun above, frigid winds blow on white, furry face, all thanks to the speed It's going at.
"Woah! You're keepin' pace with me?!"
Blue eyes gaze into his green eyes, happiness fills the chest at his surprise.
The good kind of surprise
"Ain't no slouch! Glad you can see that!"
It keeps running alongside this stranger.
Keep making Itself useful!
"Can help you stop Robotnik! And can,"
It thinks over the answer in a split second. It can't say kill, that would raise questions, most certainly.
"Fight!"
Blue eyes see a smirk come to life on the tan face.
Yes!
It knows It's done it again. It's convinced a stranger to take It in, It just waits for the words to come to confirm what the brain already knows.
"Alrighty!"
The blue hedgehog comes to a stop and so does It.
"Since we're gonna be workin' together, I guess we'll need to get the basics out of the way."
Blue eyes see the blue hedgehog get closer as he raises his white, gloved hand up and extends it out.
"Name's Sonic."
"Nice to meet you, Sonic!"
It returns the handshake and It is awash with bliss. No longer alone. One thought cannot escape the brain however.
For how long?
"What's your name?"
It knows the answer to that. It had said it out loud just before this stranger had arrived. But It cannot, will not, answer with the truth. It has been lying and deflecting this whole conversation,
Why stop now?
"No. Don't have a name."
White, furry face forms a nervous smile even though the brain feels no such thing.
Nature killing nurture, it seems
"Man, that's terrible!"
It knows that this would be correct if what It was saying was true. But it isn't, and what is the truth is even more terrible.
It wasn't alone, It was with family, It was happy,
But It had to do it to them. It was the right thing to do, their voices, the villagers', It heard them, even though that's impossible. It had to avenge them, even though that hurts.
And nothing hurts It more than the fact that It enjoyed doing it
Blue eyes see the blue hedgehog approaching It.
"Well, do you have a name you want to use?"
The white and ochre head shakes
"No. To be honest,"
It can't deny the obvious
That's a helluva a way to start a lie.
"Haven't really thought about it."
Shock and joy fills the brain as the blue hedgehog places one of his white, gloved hands on the white and ochre head. His fingers ruffle the bangs.
"Hehehe!"
"You know what would be a good name?"
It knows the answer, the one family gave It. Because of Its knack with computers and Its two tails.
Binary
It looks up and sees him smiling down at It.
It is making him happy!
"No. What is?"
"Tails."
It understands the eeriness of all this, how It seems to be going through the motions again. The more things change,
The more they stay the same, it seems
"Wow! That's great! Love it!"
Even though It has a name, It still refuses to say those three words, or even think them when regarding Itself.
"So, Tails, mind helping me figure this all out and, if Eggy's really up to something, stop him?"
"Sure thing, Sonic! Lead the way!"
"Try and keep up, buddy!"
This is it, It has ignored every signal, every warning, every fear, every thought to not do this again. There is no point in denying that It is a person, as terrible as It may be.
It can now say the three words: Me, myself, and I
Sonic is running, and I follow.
"You bet I can! Ain't no one like me!"
"Oh, yea?"
"Sure thing! I mean, just look at myself! Two tails, what kinda fox has two tails!"
The one that's a monster
As I finally say the words aloud, I think about the Enlil, about my family, all four thousand of them; all the avians, and one fox. Me. All of them dead, save for the fox. Me.
And I killed them all, by myself
I see you grin at me.
"Maybe the coolest fox on Mobius?"
Your words of kindness make a world of pain fade away.
Thank you, for being you
As I run, more like flying sorta, due to my tails, cool wind blows on my face and I think about myself.
Binary is dead, he died along with the Enlil, all of them. His wings are in the ocean, just like all of theirs are
And Tails is born, all thanks to you, Sonic.
I look at that blue hedgehog
"Hey, Sonic!"
He turns to look me, my blue meet with his green as he smiles at me and I struggle to not cry in joy.
"Thanks!"
For giving me hope again
"What for, little guy?"
For letting me be with someone else again
But instead of saying the truth, I say a lie; it seems I am far more comfortable building things than revealing them.
"For letting me tag along, dummy!"
As you smile, I think about what's in store for us. Maybe we won't last long, maybe we won't even stick together past this island. If not, that's okay; it's more than I could've ever hoped for. Thank you.
For giving me something else to do than live that terrible day over and over
Again, again and again and again.
"And thank you, for being with-"
I think about what I had thought just a few moments prior. The more things change, they more they stay the same.
Except for one thing that isn't changing, that maybe won't ever change:
"Me."