Note: This takes place after Heero crashed his Gundam into the Presidential bunker during Mariemaia's attempted coup, and before the pilots detonate their Gundams at the end of Endless Waltz. Basically, it's my headcanon on how they got from the coup to the idea of detonation. I tried to make them as in-character as I could, but of course there will be differences so I apologize in advance. Also, it does exist within the same quasi-universe as my other fic, Cartography of a Memory, though you don't need to read it to understand this.
Finally, the title is taken from this quote found in D.H. Lawrence's Lady Chatterly's Lover:
"Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically. The cataclysm has happened, we are among the ruins, we start to build up new little habitats, to have new little hopes. It is rather hard work: there is no smooth road into the future: but we go round, or scramble over the obstacles. We've got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen."
Trowa stands with the others at the gates of the Presidential House. Preventers move through the crowds, cordoning off areas and taking pictures. Next to him Quatre and Duo chat softly while Wufei watches the proceedings critically. Technically speaking, they're supposed to be guarding Wufei, but Trowa doubts anyone actually believes that.
The rescue mission to infiltrate the Presidential bunker has lasted well over three hours and people are getting restless. Not only was it made difficult because the whole damn building had sunk underground, but Wing Zero crash landing on the thing hadn't made it any easier. The first wave of the rescue team had been lowered down with rappelling ropes to see to any injuries. While the second rescue team had been in charge of creating a makeshift elevator and pulley system to raise the survivors.
Trowa's eyes remain fastened to the cordoned off pit where the bunker sits. There is a sudden shout and the group of medics that had gone in an hour earlier emerges with a stretcher. He strains his eyes and feels his body tense but a moment later he relaxes in relief when he recognizes the red hair of Mariemaia Kushrenada. A breathing mask covers her nose and her eyes are closed.
Behind her comes the team of Preventers that had accompanied the medics into the bunker. They have their guns trained on Mariemaia's soldiers. The Preventers in the yard pause to look up as the prisoners are ushered over to their comrades. Still, Trowa's nerves jump anxiously.
"They'll be the next out for sure," Duo reassures their small group. His voice isn't as sure as usual though and Trowa feels his stomach twist. It had been a major crash and no one should have been able to survive it, but well, he'd seen stranger things happen during the war.
"They wouldn't be going through all this effort if there weren't more survivors," Quatre points out.
He hears her barking orders before he makes out Lady Une's imposing figure as she leaves the bunker and heads toward the ambulance Mariemaia had been placed in. More Preventers come with her, hastening to fall in line with her commands. When they break to help their fellows, the pilots are able to make out the wayward pilot they had been waiting for. Heero is walking unassisted, though Relena seems to be hovering near at hand.
A cheer rings up from the gathered civilian crowd when they view the Vice Foreign Minister. She looks up, smile bright on her tired face, and gives a wave to the assembled crowd. One of the Preventers turns at the cheer and Trowa recognizes him immediately. Zechs breaks from the group and strides across the yard to pull his sister into a tight hug. It isn't surprising that Noin seemingly materializes next to them, her hand pressed to Relena's shoulder.
Heero's head tilts and he catches sight of the four pilots gathered at the feet of Sandrock. He turns in their direction, looking tired and grim but otherwise unharmed. Trowa breaks from the group, feeling the anger rushing through his veins now that he knows Heero has survived. He meets Heero halfway and the younger pilot eyes him warily.
"You are a bastard," Trowa states.
"Trowa -"
The fires crackle, smoke hangs heavy in the air. Distantly he hears chopper blades overhead, the chattering of gathered civilians, radio static and harsh commands from the Preventers. He punches Heero hard in the jaw, only slightly surprised that Heero doesn't try to block or move out of the way. Behind him he hears Quatre and Duo yell something unintelligible, feels Wufei's eyes heavy on the back of his head.
"He's going to punch back, he did that to me when we were on the colony," Duo announces to Quatre and Wufei.
"Shut-up, Maxwell," Wufei snaps.
"I don't understand," Quatre says. He hurries toward them and Duo and Wufei follow. "Trowa, what's gotten into you?"
"Going to throw another punch, or is it out of your system now?" Heero asks, eyebrow rising curiously.
"I thought you'd block it," he admits. He crosses his arms, tilts his chin down. "Guess you're getting old."
Heero snorts, ignores the others as they join them. "Give me a break; I just crashed a Gundam into a bunker."
"Why does Trowa get a free pass on the punch?" Duo questions. "Especially since you told me to punch you?"
"Only you would be lucky enough to survive that," Wufei says, shaking his head. "It was impressive to watch."
"Glad to see you finally saw reason," Heero states, eyeing Wufei.
Wufei shrugs. "You made a valid argument," he agrees. "Now, what was with that little performance?" Duo snorts at the word choice and ignores Trowa's impassive look.
"He's mad that I improvised," Heero states.
"I'm still mad that I got sucker punched for nothing," Duo points out, "if anyone's wondering."
"It was reckless," Quatre points out. "What would have happened if the shield didn't break? Or, if you crashed on Relena?"
"I guess we'd be having a different conversation then," Heero answers. Quatre rubs his temples and lets out a long suffering sigh.
"You should get checked out," Trowa says quietly. Heero frowns. "I didn't spend months patching you up just for you to ruin it by playing at being a martyr."
"That wasn't what I was doing," Heero protests. His eyes flash dangerously. "It was the only way to get into the bunker, what would you have preferred? By the time the Preventers finally got it open Relena could have been dead." He takes a breath, stares hard at Trowa. "It may not have been what you were anticipating but it was the only way."
"You put yourself -"
"In no more danger than when you went undercover again," Heero interrupts. He crosses his arms and Trowa's eyes drop automatically to his left one. There is a slight tremble, but it's not as bad as he anticipated.
"Can we agree we were all in danger and -" Quatre begins.
"That has nothing to do with anything," Trowa states, voice eerily detached. "I was never in any physical danger. As you plainly saw." Wufei snorts and Trowa sends him a look before he shoves his hands into his pockets, tilts his head so his face is hidden behind the fall of his hair. "What would you advise if it was one of us in your place?"
Heero's jaw tightens. For a moment Trowa thinks Heero might actually take a swing at him after all. "Fine," Heero snaps. Duo's jaw falls open in surprise and Wufei elbows him none too gently to get him to focus again. "But I want Sally to check me over, not some second-rate -"
"Okay," Trowa agrees.
"Great," Quatre chimes in. "We'll just go look for Sally, shall we?" he asks, looking at Duo and Wufei. Wufei stares back impassively. "Trowa, you make sure Heero rests."
"And since when did we become Yuy's personal servants?" Wufei questions as they depart.
"Since Trowa got him to agree to medical attention," Duo replies. "Trust me, it's better this way. Did I ever tell you about the Hospital Incident?"