Disclaimer: I don't own Thunderbirds.
Angstember Prompt 8: You Broke Your Promise, with Scott and Virgil (requested by janetm74)
You promised you'd always be with me. As children, you said that as long as I needed you, you'd always be there. When we lost Mom, you promised I wouldn't lose you, too. You promised it again after Dad. Even when you left for college, for the Air Force, you promised that you would still be with me, even if you were the other side of the world.
Wherever you were, you'd always be with me, and I took strength from that. Timezones and limited communication while you were deployed didn't mean you weren't with me. If I needed you, you would be there.
You promised.
You're here now. Here, in this white room, with white walls and white sheets that aren't quite the same shade. Alabaster and antique, close enough to the uncaring but glaringly different to me. It's easier to focus on the mismatch than it is to look at you.
To look at the empty shell I once called my big brother. The empty shell others still call my big brother. The empty shell that should house my big brother.
But you're not here. I need you, now more than I ever have before – more than when we lost Mom, when we lost Dad – but you're not here. Not with me.
I don't know where you are. Are you back there, still in the horrors they pulled your body away from? They won't tell me what happened to you, but John got hold of your medical records anyway and I threw up the first time I saw them. I think he did, too.
Are you stuck there, or have you moved on, to somewhere where the pain can't reach you? Somewhere safe, a haven away from the horrors of the world.
Away from me.
I don't know where you are; all I know for certain is that it's not with me. I need you more than ever, but you're not here, and I know why but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I need my big brother. I always have done, and I always will do. I'm not the only one, either.
Alan's inconsolable. I can't get through to him, and John can't either. Gordon hasn't even tried, but I think Gordon knows more than we do. He doesn't talk about WASP any more than you did the Air Force. They haven't given him any leave, so he's stuck under an ocean somewhere. I don't know where.
You could be with him, for all I know. Part of me hopes you are, because at least that way you haven't left us completely. Left me completely.
Most of me just wants you here, where you promised you'd be.
I don't know how much longer I can keep looking at your empty eyes. Your body is battered and broken, but it's your eyes that remind me again and again that you're not here. They're unseeing, or maybe they're seeing something in a different time, different plane of existence, and there's no light in them. Green's always been my favourite colour group, but the exact shade of blue that makes up your irises has always meant something I can't express in words.
It's the wrong shade now, encroached by a grey that's smothered the vibrancy of the skies you love so much, and it's a physical hurt whenever I see it.
I need you to come back, Scott. I can forgive this broken promise if only you'll come back. Be my big brother again, be there when I need you.
Let me be there when you need me.
Please.
Well, this was a major experiment. I've never written in this style before, and it's been years since I last dabbled in first person - and here I'm doing it with Virgil, my trickiest Tracy! No idea how well this has come out, but I quite like it.
I've also discovered the existence of Angstember over on tumblr so I'm dabbling in that, too! Only doing prompts that I get a character request for, so feel free to drop by with a request. You can find the list on my tumblr blog!
Thanks for reading!
Tsari