derek
The expectations in his life were simple. Graduate, go to med school and settle down. And he managed to achieve those things. He had graduated college and managed to graduate second—because the woman who became the love of his life topped—in his med school class. He and Addison had gone a long way, and after four years of med school and a few months of internship, they finally eloped.
Their marriage wasn't perfect. They were both driven and too stubborn to keep a quiet marriage, but even so, they were happy. It didn't matter that they didn't have any sleep because of the life as an intern; they were doing it together and that's the only thing that mattered to them. Addison-and-Derek (or Derek-and-Addison, depending on who you ask) went from fetching coffee and laundry for their attendings to being top surgeons of the country. Together.
He doesn't know when or how they stopped being together, all he knows now is that whatever happened between the two of them wasn't all Addison's fault. If you asked him three years ago how Derek Shepherd lost such a gem of a wife, he'd probably throw a sarcastic remark about how some gems were fake, and so was she. But now, he knows. As time went by, he realized that he wasn't the gold-star husband either towards the end of their marriage. Towards the night he lost her.
It's been four years since that night he told her he fell in love with another woman—the night she left him.
He couldn't stand the look in her eyes that night, he wanted to hold her as he saw the light in her eyes die but he couldn't. Derek couldn't let himself feel the warmth he felt for her. So when she stood up to leave the bar, he just let her and proceeded to finish the scotch in his hand. When he finally decided to drive home, there were no more traces of her. Her expensive dresses that were cramped in the small space of the trailer's excuse of a cabinet were and her ridiculously high heels that he used to tease her about were all gone. She was nowhere in sight. No more Addison.
He could still feel the guilt and the worry he had felt that night. He called almost every hotel in Seattle in search of her, but he failed to find her. Until he called Richard. Apparently a drunk and crying Addison, with all of her baggage, drove to his and Adele's house that night. She was going back to New York, and she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. At that moment, he realized how much he had hurt her, and how much he could continue to hurt her if he asked her to stay so he let her go. A few weeks later, he received the final punch to their togetherness. Addison took the matters into her own hands and filed for divorce.
She never called him after she went back to New York, except to coordinate how they'd split up their assets. But besides that, never in four years, she had called him. Until a few days ago, she sounded so desperate and broken, and he couldn't bear it—which brings him to where he is right now. On the other side of the big white oak doors of her house in the Hamptons.
His hands shook nervously as he left three knocks on her door. And for a minute he had thought that no one was home, then he heard familiar clacks of heels (leave it to Addison to wear heels even at home), followed by the door opening.
"Addison." He couldn't help but smile as his eyes lingered over her body appreciatively.
She looks different since the last time he saw her; he notes. Her hair was shorter and a different shade of red, her skin was brighter than usual, she looked so happy if someone else looked at her. But Derek caught a glimpse of sadness in her eyes, and it broke his heart. It was the same pair of lifeless pale blue eyes he saw that night.
It was only then Derek realized that Addison wasn't alone, a child was perched on her hip. He had the same pair of blue eyes as Addison which made him sure that he was her son, but what surprised Derek was the child's curly black locks. They were the same as his.
"Derek…" Addison began, smiling nervously as she gestured to the child on her side. "This is Liam, our son."
addison
Addison breathed a sigh of relief as she glanced at the twosome in front of her. After four years of guilt and hiding, Derek finally met their son. She told him about Liam a few weeks ago when she called him, she thought he already digested the information when he agreed to fly back to the Hamptons but his reaction caught her off-guard. A look of disbelief graced his face for a moment, but once Liam reached towards him, his face softened. She knew that look. She's seen him give her—even Meredith—that look before. He has fallen in love with their son.
Their son. William Russel Shepherd. She could still remember the moment she found out that she was carrying him, she was scared. Terrified, even. She was still getting used to living a life without Derek, and carrying his child would be a big fat reminder that she was alone. A part of her wanted to let go of the pregnancy, but she couldn't. Not when she realized she wasn't actually alone. During the weeks she took to think, Mark pulled through to be there for her. Even after she'd told her about the pregnancy. Ultimately, she decided to go with the pregnancy—even without Derek—and it was the best decision she ever made.
Liam was a good son, and she made sure to prove her worthiness of being his mother every day. He would stay at Mt. Sinai's daycare when she's at work, and she'd spend her breaks there with him. She didn't want him to grow up with nannies, unlike her mother, she wanted her child to know that he has a family. And for the longest time, it worked. Even when Liam began asking her about the whereabouts of his father, they were happy. Until they weren't.
A few months before the desperate call, they found out that Liam was sick.
Acute lymphocytic leukemia. Or in non-medical terms: cancer of the spongy tissue inside bones where blood cells are everything.
They've tried everything. He's gone through chemotherapy, radiation—even herbal therapy for God's sake, but none of those worked. Addison's effort in trying to save her son seems to have done more damage than good. The more treatment Liam tries, the weaker he gets. So one day, she picks up the phone to her last resort.
Liam's oncologist told her about the option of doing a bone marrow transplant, but they couldn't find a match in any of his family. It took a lot of thinking, but in the end, she chose to call Derek and asked him to take a test if they were a match. The test was positive, and she immediately asked him to fly to New York. In three days, her son and her ex-husband were going through the transplant.
This isn't how she envisioned Derek to meet their son. Admittedly, the part of her who still believed in fairytales and romcoms, had this perfect scene in her mind. One day, they'd meet somewhere and she'd tell him about their child, and they'd be a family. Happily ever after.
But life, as always, took a different turn. After she found out that Liam was sick, she realized how fast life actually is. Every moment is measured. There was no perfect time to tell Derek about their son. No happily ever after. They only had now, and the three days before they drive back to Manhattan for the surgery.
As much as Addison wants to believe that it would work, that by some miracle he'd survive the surgery, but she knows what can happen. There's a chance that it may not work. That there wouldn't be an after for them after those three days, so she's planning to savor all the time she has with him.
"Mommy." Liam's weak voice, along with the tugging on her leg broke her from her reverie.
"Yes, baby?" She asks, picking up the child as she sees Derek approach. "Did you have fun with Derek…I mean, with daddy?"
"Yeth!" He answers immediately, wrapping his arms around Addison's neck and leaving a sloppy kiss on her cheek. Addison laughs. Liam excels in everything he does, except saying "s" and she finds it adorable. "Thank you for bringing him! I thought I wath never gonna meet him."
"Why would you think that?" She asks with an amused smile. "I used to tell you about your daddy, you knew he was going to come to us. Did you think he was gonna die in Seattle?"
The question slipped from her mouth before she had the time to filter. Panic surged through her, but to her surprise, Liam remained unfazed with the topic.
"Naur…" He answered slowly. "But me ith—"
"Hey, what did I tell you about that?" She interrupts, tapping his nose. Liam was a smart boy and he understood what was happening to him very clearly. So much so that he prepared himself for the unthinkable. "You're going to be okay. Daddy's here, and he's going to save you like Superman. You're not going anywhere because you're still going to cause so much trouble that mommy will grow nana hair, okay?"
"Otay." He nods obediently before an excited smile graces his face. "Ith uncle Mark thill coming for dinner tonight? He promithed me ithe cream."
Addison's body froze, feeling Derek's eyes on her. The afternoon has been going smoothly for the Shepherds, but with the mention of Mark, she could feel the clench in Derek's jaw. She hadn't told him about Mark over the phone calls that they've had. He never asked anyway so who was she to give him unwanted details about her life and Mark's?
"Yes, uncle Mark is still coming for dinner." She says after a moment, regaining composure. "Speaking of dinner," She continues, feigning excitement. "You, Mr. Liam, are not for dinner yet. Why don't you go upstairs and get changed, then you can help mommy in the kitchen? How does that sound?"
"Really good!" Addison laughs as Liam tries to wiggle himself out of her arms.
"Mommy and daddy are just down here if you need us, okay?" She says, kissing his forehead as she sets him down.
"Yeth, mommy." He answers, rushing up the stairs.
"Be careful, you might fall!" She calls after him as she walks around the other side of the kitchen counter, ignoring Derek's lingering eyes.
Her house in the Hamptons usually radiated the feeling of the sun and unadulterated happiness, but at that moment, all she could feel was the heaviness that her ex-husband radiated. She blinks and then she feels the stairs of their brownstone under her feet; the feeling of wood prickling the flawless skin of her feet matching the thorns in her husband's heart as he drags her out of their home. It was a feeling all too familiar.
"Uncle Mark, huh?" Derek asks, breaking the ice, as he raised an eyebrow at her. "So that would mean that you and Mark…"
"Are not together." She finishes for him before he could insinuate any malicious comments. "We're just friends, we've been friends since I came back to New York. And he's been helping me with Liam, but we're not together. He's getting married." She takes in the surprise in his face before continuing. "You might actually know his fiancé; her name is Lexie Grey."
Derek's eyes widened in surprise at the mention of the name. He knows that name all too well. He looks at her, silently asking the question.
"She's Meredith's little sister." She confirms before giving him a pointed look. "I'm surprised you didn't know; I mean you and her sister were very close." Addison adds bitterly. If that hurt him, he deserved it.
"We aren't." He says immediately. "I mean, not anymore. Meredith and I never got back together."
"Not even after I left?" She asks in surprise.
"Especially not after you left." He says softly, walking towards the kitchen counter. "I couldn't be with anyone else, not when the only person I wanted to be with left."
"Oh." She whispers, looking up to meet his eyes.
Addison couldn't breathe with how this afternoon was going. She went from watching Derek with their son to almost starting an argument with him to his confession. She hadn't thought about what happened to Derek after she left Seattle. In her head, he was probably with Meredith, spending all his Christmases with the one he loves. But apparently that wasn't the case, he had won him over by leaving. She made him realize that he can't live without her.
"You know…" He continues when she stays silent as she begins working around the kitchen. "I never thought I'd see you cook. When we were together—"
"Derek, no need for a storytime about us." She interrupts harshly, before her voice softens as she sees the surprise in Derek's face. "Look, I asked you to come here for our son. Not to dwell on our past. I'm flattered about what you said, that you want to be with me but I can't. We have Liam now, and I want to protect him."
"From me?" He asks defensively.
"From me, from us. From how stupid you make me when I'm in love with you." She says softly, her defeated eyes meeting his hopeful ones. "You're only here for Liam. So, please let's not talk about this and focus on our son, okay?"
"Okay." He says quietly before they hear the loud knocking on the door.
"That's probably Mark and Lexie, I'm going to get it." She says, walking to the door, not without warning Derek. "Be nice. I know you still hate him, but your son loves Mark."
"I won't do anything. I promise." He says solemnly.
…
To Addison's surprise, Derek keeps his promise. The dinner was peaceful, with Derek limiting himself with subtle glares towards Mark. But besides that, it was a great dinner. The sound of her son's laughter and the bright smile on his face made it a great dinner. And even with Derek's resistance at first, he even managed to keep a friendly banter with Mark and Lexie.
It was a great night for her, and an even better night for Liam because for the first time since he was born, Derek was the one to tuck him in.
Addison stayed outside, sitting by the empty pool with a bottle of merlot. As much as she wanted to keep the night light, Derek's words kept ringing through her head. Not when the only person I wanted to be with left. He said he wanted to be with her, so why did he tell her that he was in love with another woman? That he wanted to be with someone else during their season.
And if he really wanted to be with her, then why didn't he call her? Why didn't he stop her from leaving? He knows how much her love for him overpowers her; she would do anything for him. She left her life in New York for him for God's sake and he wasted that chance.
"Doing some late-night drinking?" The man in question interrupts her thoughts as he sits beside her.
"More like late-night thinking." She retorts, laughing half-heartedly.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks, reaching for the bottle of merlot to drink.
"I'd rather not." She says, swerving the bottle and chugging the remaining contents of it.
"Addison, that's enough." He says firmly, taking the bottle away from her. "You're drunk and it's cold, come on." He says as he stands up, pulling her with him.
"Oh, come on. We both know that it takes more than one bottle of wine to get me drunk." She snorts, as they reach the living room.
"Yes, I know that, Addison." He retorts. "But I also know that once you finish your first bottle, you're going to drink another one, then another one till you can't remember your name." A small smile graces his face even though he knows that Addison is probably aggravated with him, the scrunch on her nose and the look she's giving him takes him back in time to many of their arguments.
"Stop doing that." She snaps at him.
"Doing what?" He asks, feigning innocence.
"Doing that smile thing." A betraying laugh comes from her as Derek's smile grows wider. "You know I could never resist that. It's not fair."
"I know, that's why I'm doing that." He chuckles before growing serious. "Addison, how drunk are you?"
"What?" The smile on her face disappears as she recognizes the seriousness in his voice.
"I just need to ask you something." He says softly, taking her hands in his.
"Derek, I thought we agreed…"
"I didn't. I didn't agree. I said okay, but I didn't agree." He says, looking straight to her eyes. "I know you said we needed to focus on Liam, but I can't do it when there's still something bothering me. So, I need to know now."
"What do you want to know?" She asks tiredly. Derek had a habit of squeezing other people to get what he wants and she's certain that this time wouldn't be any different.
"Addison, why did you leave?"
A look of disbelief graces her face. Why did she leave? He's asking her why she left after he told her he was in love with another woman. Addison was beyond furious. He had four years to reflect on what happened between them and he still couldn't understand the effect of what he said.
"You're asking me why I left. God, Derek, you're unbelievable." She shakes her head disapprovingly as she retracts her hand away from his. "You're seriously asking me why I left the city where rain never stops?"
"It's a valid question." He murmurs, feeling the beginning of an Addison outburst.
"Well, then let me give you a valid answer." She retorts without missing a beat. "I left because you didn't give me a reason to stay. Sure, maybe I deserved all the cheap shots you sent my way. I deserved the pain after what I did, but what happened that night, I didn't deserve that. To find out that my husband was in love with someone else during our favorite season, I didn't deserve that. To top it all off, he didn't even give any sign that he wanted to stay with me."
"That's not true, Addison." He says defensively. "I told you I didn't want to leave you…"
"But did you want to stay?" She interrupts, her voice breaking as tears begin to reside in her eyes. "If I didn't leave back then, would you have realized that you wanted to be with me or would you have left me eventually?"
She looked in his eyes, waiting for an answer. The night she left, she considered staying and pretending that what Derek said didn't hurt her. But the other part of her told her to leave. There is no more fighting. She could never compete when Derek's in love with someone else. So that night she decided to stop fighting for him, for them.
"You would have, would you?" She sighs defeatedly, standing up to walk away but he wrapped his arms around her.
"Addie, I don't know what to tell you…" He murmurs in her hair. "But I do know that I'm here now, and I do want to stay with you. I want to stay with you and Liam."
"Der, I can't do this to him." She whispers, trying to wriggle out of his grasp. "He's already been through enough; I can't let him get hurt."
"He won't." He promises, turning her in his arms. "Look at me." He says when she tries to avoid his gaze. "Addison, look at me." He plants a kiss on her forehead when she finally meets his eyes. "I don't want him to get hurt either, and I have no plans on hurting him or you. Addison, tell me that you don't want me to stay. Tell me that you don't love me. If you can do that, I'm going to leave after the transplant and I'll never bother you again."
"Derek…" She was about to give him an answer when the sound of pitter patter made her think better of it. Addison quickly pushed Derek away from her as Liam reaches the living room.
"Mommy? Daddy?" He calls out, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing, baby." Addison says quickly, giving Liam a wide smile. "What are you doing up? Does something hurt? Do you want us to take you to the hospital?"
"Naur." He shakes his head as he walks towards Addison, then signaling that he wants to be carried. "No hothpitable. Nothing hurth. I had thour dreamt."
"You mean a nightmare?" Addison asks amusedly as she lifts his small body in her arms. The boy nods as she settles in the crook of his mother's shoulder. "You want me to tuck you back in, don't you?"
"Yeth pleath." He murmurs sleepily, giving her his signature gummy smile.
"How can mommy say no to you, when you're giving me that smile." Addison smiles softly, securing her arms around Liam as she began to walk upstairs. "Come on, I'll tuck you back in and make sure that your sweet dreams don't turn sour."
"Addie." She hears Derek calling after them.
"Oh, uh, sorry." She says without turning around. "The guest room is upstairs; I think you already know where it is. We'll see you tomorrow, Derek."
"Addison." He tries again.
"Goodnight, Derek. See you tomorrow." Addison says as they descend up the stairs.
As much as she wanted to say that yes, she wanted him to stay and that she's still in love with him, she couldn't. There's a lot at stake if she says yes. She wouldn't be the only one getting hurt if Derek breaks his promise of wanting to stay again. Liam was an amazing kid and he didn't deserve that.
And just as she thought that her son couldn't be any more wonderful, he peered up at her as she was tucking him in.
"You wath crying, mommy." He whispers, reaching up to wipe the telltales of tears on her cheeks. "Daddy made you cry? I thought he wath Thuperman."
"Well, baby, Superman isn't perfect." She whispered back, running her fingers through his hair. "He can't help it if he makes me cry."
"Well, I don't like it when he makth you cry." He says frowning. "I hate it when you cry becauth I love you. Tho, tell me when he makth you cry and I'll fight him. Otay?"
"Okay." She nods, leaving a long kiss on his forehead. She wanted to take her time with him, however long it was. "I love you too, Liam. And I'll never let anyone hurt you."
derek
Today was their last day in the Hamptons. Two days went by smoothly. No fighting, no awkward conversations. Derek hadn't talked to Addison about staying since then. He could see how it was wearing her out so he decided to give her space, so she could decide. Instead of dwelling with it, he started focusing on getting to know his son.
Which brings them to where they are today. Derek wanted to take Liam fishing but it was obvious that Addison's genes dominated their son. He shrieked when Derek mentioned fishing so his father agreed to compromise. Instead of fishing, they drove to the closest beach and set up a picnic.
If you ask Derek, he isn't really a picnic person but that's what Liam wanted so he said yes. And he's glad that he did because seeing how happy it made Liam made him happier.
Being with his son made him happy, but it was also unnerving. He only had three days and now the end is about to come. The transplant could go well or go in a different direction. And that is what Derek is afraid of. He just met his son; he didn't want their time to end yet but he can't be selfish. Not when he knows that it will make Liam happy. Not when he knows that it will make her happy.
Addison Montgomery. She's always been a mystery that he wanted to solve. From the moment he saw her eyes lit up that summer over the cadaver to the night he saw them die that cold winter night. It's always been her. He was just too proud to forgive her. Back then, he had his hands wrapped around her neck, he knew she'd do everything for him. That's why he had let himself treat her that way. He knew she wouldn't leave him. And then one day, she did.
Derek spent weeks, months, even years trying to deny that maybe he still wanted her after everything that happened between them. But now, there's no more doubt. Addison Montgomery has once again turned Derek Shepherd into a shy med-student that wanted the most beautiful girl in their gross anatomy class. But unlike the first time, he's going to make sure to get the girl and stay with her.
"Daddy?" Liam tapped on his shoulder, cutting through his thoughts.
"Yes, sweetheart?" He turned to Liam. Their eyes met and he was taken back in time. They were the same pale blue-green ones that enchanted him all those years ago.
"Did you love my mommy?" The child asks curiously.
Derek froze. Did he love Addison? He never stopped, not even when he hated her, but he couldn't say it. It's a stupid excuse but he believed that if he did, it would mean that he'd have to forgive her and he wasn't ready for that then.
"I juth want to know." He continues when Derek meets his question with silence. "Becauth mommy alwayth sayth the loveth you."
"She does?" Derek asks in surprise.
"Yeth." Liam nods, breathing in deeply before looking at his father intensely. "I alwayth athk her if you left uth, but the thaid you didn't. Mommy thaid the did becauth the loved you thoooo much. The thaid that the let you go tho you can get better. But you'll alwayth be the one for her."
"Wow." He breathes. He knew Addison told Liam about him, but he never asked about what their son knows about him. A part of him believed that Addison probably ruined him in their child's eyes, but that wasn't the case. Addison could never do that.
"Do you have a penny?" Liam asks, averting his eyes to the water.
"Why? Do you want something?"
"Naur." He shakes his head. "I'm gonna make a wish."
"A wish? By throwing a penny in the ocean?" He asks with an amused smile.
"Yeth." Liam nods. "Mommy taught me that when I wath thmall."
Derek smiles widely. How can he be surprised? He was the one who taught Addison about tossing pennies, well actually, it was his father. When he was a kid, whenever they were near a body of water, his father would give him a penny and tell him to make a wish. It always worked—looking back, he'd always wish for a material thing and his father would always end up buying it for him—so he carried it as he grew older.
"Do you have a penny?" Liam asks again, causing Derek's smile to grow wider.
"I do. Here you go." He chuckles as he hands over a penny to Liam.
Liam takes it eagerly, standing up from their picnic. He walks toward the shore with Derek in tow, kisses the penny then releases it to the ocean.
"Thank you, Daddy." He whispers.
"What did you wish for?" Derek asks, as Liam smiles softly at him.
"For you to love my mommy." He says, tugging Derek's arm. Once Derek bent down so they were eye-to-eye level, he continued. "I love my mommy tho much, and I want her to be happy. Tho don't hurt her, otay?"
"Liam, I can't promise that I'll never hurt her." Derek shakes his head sadly.
"Then promith me that you're going to try." He persists. That's Addison's genes talking.
"I can't promise you that I'll never hurt your mommy." Derek repeats before giving his son a small smile. "But I promise that I'm going to try to not hurt her. I-I, I love your mommy too. I just don't know what to do. How to tell her."
"Thath otay, I know how to." Liam smiled mischievously.
Derek raises his eyebrows. "Huh, and how will I do that?"
…
Derek couldn't stop smiling like a lovesick teenager as he looked around the ice cream bar. This feeling is all too familiar to him. One blink and he's a med-student, drinking coffee as he waits for his date to arrive. He misses this feeling. It's the best way to describe what living feels like. Addison is the only one who makes him feel like this.
His smile grows wider as he watches her enter the bar, she looks beautiful. Almost angelic. Even with the tired smile lines by her eyes. Even when she's only wearing a pair of jeans and a gray sweater, he's certain that she could win Miss Universe.
He couldn't stop looking as she approached. There's just something about Addison. She's just so beautiful, so compelling, so…
"Where's Liam?" She asks, cutting through his thoughts. She's so close to him. In fact, she's already in front of him.
"Oh, uh." He stammers. He didn't realize that she was already in front of him. "I, uh, let me explain."
"Derek." Her eyes widened in panic. "Don't tell me you lost our son. Oh my God, do you realize how big the Hamptons is? He could get kidnapped; he could be sold to God knows where…"
"Addison." He interrupts. "I didn't lose him." He meets her eyes, smiling reassuringly.
"Then where is he?" She asks again, panic still in her voice.
"Mark and Lexie took him home." He says. "They just left, that's why you didn't see them at home." He explains when she gives him a confused look.
"And you didn't tell me? I drove out here to pick both of you up."
"I know." He nods. "But we need to talk, so sit."
"Derek…"
"This is Liam's idea, not mine. But he's right, we need to talk. Now sit." He pats the seat beside him, looking at Addison encouragingly.
"Fine." She sighs in defeat. "But only ten minutes, after that we're going back home. We have an early drive tomorrow."
"Make it fifteen and I'll drive the car so we could get home faster." He bargains, taking Addison's hand in his. "Please, Addison."
"Okay." She agrees, squeezing his hand. "What do you want to talk about?"
"Have you thought about it?" He goes for the jugular. "About me staying? Addison, I can't promise you anything but I swear I'm going to try. I want to try."
"Derek, I just, I don't know. I-I mean, you have a life in Seattle…"
"Had. I had a life in Seattle, but you and Liam…" Derek rubs Addison's palm with his thumb. "You guys are my life now."
"For how long?" She whispers. "Have you forgotten that you told me that I was your life before too? You said I'd always be your priority. You promised in front of all our family and friends that I will always come first, and that barely lasted."
"So this is about you not trusting me?" He whispers back, noticing the crowd beside him and Addison. "Addison, you left Seattle without seeing me then you decided to have my child without telling me. Four years later, you call and tell me about him and I believed you. I trust you, why can't you trust me? I know what could happen if I stay. And I'm ready."
"Derek."
"Let's do this for Liam, nothing has to happen. I just, I want to be here..."
"And you think I don't want you to be here?" She interrupts. "There were so many times that I wish I told you about him because of how hard it was to parent a child alone. You don't think I needed you? I did need you; I still do."
"So, why can't you let me stay?" He asks, his curious eyes meet her scared ones.
"Because I'm in love with you." She sighs defeatedly. "And I know how damaging it is to be in love with you. You make me stupid, and weak and I-I can't be those things. That's why I can't let you stay. I don't want to spend another day, yet another minute with you in my life, scared that you're going to ruin me again when I'm still in love with you."
The words barely left her mouth when Derek crashed his lips against hers, kissing her deeply. She responds in kind, running her hands through his hair. It didn't matter to Derek that they were in public or if it was inappropriate, the only thing that mattered to him is how it felt so right to kiss Addison. There's something about kissing Addison that made the wrong feel right; it felt new but familiar. Like coming home.
"I love you, Addison." He breathes when they break apart. "And I understand that you're scared but I want to try. I want to be here. You don't have to say yes right now. After the transplant, once Liam recovers, if you still want me to leave then I'll go. Okay?"
"Okay." She nods, a soft smile forming on her face.
"Good." He grins, pulling her by the hand. "Now, let's go home. I owe Liam this news since he was the one who planned this."
addison
Addison paced back and forth as they waited for the doctor. The transplant is about to happen, and Liam and Derek were about to be wheeled to the OR so she decided to stay with them until it was time. As much as she wanted to be inside the OR to hold Liam's hand, she knows that she can't so she settles for this moment with her son and her ex-husband.
"Mommy, thop moving. You making me dizzy." Liam placed a hand on Addison's forearm, stopping her from pacing.
"Sorry, baby." She smiles guiltily. "Mommy's just really nervous."
"I'm not." He informs his mother. "I'm throng like Daddy and Thuperman; right, Daddy?"
"He's right, Mommy. He's a big boy." Derek chimes in, reaching for Addison's hand to rub her palm with his thumb.
"How nice of you two team up on me." She smirks, enjoying the feeling of Derek's thumb making circular motion on her palm. It's always been the best way to calm her down. "I know he's a big boy and that's what scares me. One day, I'm going to wake up and he's going to have a girlfriend."
"Well, if he does, I'm not worried. He and I have the same taste in women." He says, giving Addison a warm smile. "I chose you. And you're the best woman I've ever met."
Addison gave him a loving smile, completely smitten by his words. She raised her eyebrows coyly as he shrugs, smiling at her adoringly.
"Okay." Eric Rodriguez, Liam's oncologist, boomed in the hospital room causing the two to break their moment. "We're ready to go. Is everything okay?" He asks, looking at the family.
"Everything's fine." Addison nods. "I'm just going to say goodbye."
"Sure, I'll be outside." He excused himself, leaving the three of them.
"So, remember what I told you?" Addison asks, turning her attention to her son. "They're going to inject something to make you fall asleep. It's going to hurt when you wake up, but remember that it's going to get better. It's not going to hurt anymore."
"No more thicky?" He smiles widely.
"No more sicky." She assures him, running a hand through his hair. "It's going to take some time to recover, but after that, no more treatments. And you're going to be able to play at the daycare again. So be good for the doctors, okay?"
"Otay." He nods.
"Good." Addison presses a kiss on his forehead. "I'll see you later, Superman."
"Mommy." Liam calls after her when she turns to leave.
"Yes, baby?"
"You forgot to kith Daddy goodbye." He frowns, causing the two adults to laugh.
"Of course, how can I forget?" She smirks, caressing Derek's cheeks before leaning down to kiss him chastely. "I'll see you later, my Superman."
…
"What's taking them so long?" Addison asks for the ninth—no, tenth time.
"I don't know." Lexie answers for the tenth time.
Addison shakes her head, listing down all the possible complications. "Lexie, what if something happened?" She asks Lexie, who has been sitting with her in the waiting room for the past two hours. "What if one of them bleeds out, or…or—"
"What if they're both okay?" Lexie interrupts, wrapping a supportive arm around Addison. "Come on, you've worked with Rodriguez before. He's a good doctor. I'm sure they're both okay, you're just paranoid."
"You're right." She concedes. "I'm just, I can't wait to see both of them."
And it's the truth, she can't wait to see her son. She can't wait to hold him after the transplant. She knows all the possibilities that it could bring but a positive outcome was assured by his doctor. And she trusts him.
Liam is going to be okay, and he's going to live a normal and healthy life.
"Hey." They both look up to the sound of Mark's voice. "I heard so I figured I should bring you some juju." He says, handing Addison and his fiancé a cup of juju.
"Thank you, Mark." She smiles as he sits next to Lexie.
"They're going to be okay; you know." He muses. "You know how stubborn Derek is, unconscious or not he's not going to accept anything but success. He's not going to let anything happen to your son."
Addison can't help but smile at Mark's words. Derek and her…they were still inconclusive, but she's thinking about it. She's seen him with their son and she thinks that his intentions are pure. So she decided once the transplant is over, she'll give Derek the good news of her wanting to try again with him.
Sure she was scared of what could happen if she lets him stay, but she's more scared of living life without him. It's been dark and miserable—though she was happy with Liam, there was still a Derek-shaped void in her heart that no one else could fill in. And now that he's here, she's never going to let him go again.
It's ironic.
When he first came, she tried to avoid reminiscing about their past and thinking about what could happen next, she wanted them to focus on the present and Liam. But now, she can't wait to spend her days with him and their son. The future seems so bright and—
"Addison." Eric enters the room, and she shudders with the tone he's using. She's used that tone a million times, to different people.
"What happened?" She stands up, feeling Lexie's hand reaching for hers and giving it a comforting squeeze.
"Everything happened so quickly, it was a traumatic procedure." He begins. "One of them lost a lot of blood and we had to choose who to save between them."
—Screw the future.
"We lost him."
Addison's legs went numb. Suddenly she couldn't even stand, or think. And the future didn't seem so bright anymore.
It was dark, and all she wanted to do was scream.