Prologue

Bang! Bang!

At that split second the world around them crumbled. All of the pain, the difficulties and the strength for them to get here seemed like it had gone and it wasn't coming back. Everyone synchronously ducked, some diving out the way as the gun released two bullets. Hands pressed to ears, praying that they would make it out alive.

Jac's life stood still, everyone around her seemed frozen even though they were far from it. Her thoughts were a number of things, they were full of regret, they were full of confusion as to why now, why again. More importantly, all she had in her head was Emma, would she live to see her little girl grow up. The short story was she didn't know.

"Jac!"

"W-What?" Jac's head turns and her eyes widen, she immediately scrambles to the floor and Chloe grabs what she could in the form of gauze swabs "Give"

"Here" Chloe opens them and passes them to Jac, her hands were shaking and her mind was on saving her patient "Jac..."

"Don't just-" Jac starts until a number of armed officers burst into the room holding guns, telling them to raise their hands above their heads and Jac had no choice but to agree and go along with it "We need to get her to theatre!"

"Jac!" Chloe exclaims and Jac frowns looking at her shuffle over to Kian's lifeless body "It's Kian"

"Ok I can see that Chloe" Jac states, her world filled with shock and she weren't able to comprehend or even let her body go into full surgeon mode

"His head" Chloe closes her eyes and Jac's heart sinks, all she wanted to do was lash out at the gunman sporting handcuffs

"Can we get them to theatre now!" Jac snaps finding the strength to continue, the officers look amongst each other "Please! They're going to die otherwise!"

"Ok" the officers nod amongst each other, Chloe and Jac move Kian so they could get him to theatre

"Page neuro, page anyone, I don't care" Jac snaps and Nicky nods from the door before walking off "You better stay with us Madani otherwise I swear I will not be planning your funeral"

"Are you scrubbing in?" Chloe questions but Jac freezes on the spot, her eyes flutter shut and she breathes out "Jac!"

"I'm here, I'm here" Max enters with Fletch who frowns at Jac just staring ahead at the doors to Darwin's theatre "I don't think this is wise for you to be performing surgery Jac"

"I have to be there!" she snaps back and Chloe sighs looking at Fletch knowing he was probably the only one to get Jac away from here

"We don't have all day, we need to operate. Jac you're not scrubbing in, my orders" Max states before following Chloe into the operating theatre

"Jac," Fletch says softly, she just turns around and looks at him before rushing away from him as she didn't want him to see her tears "Jac just wait up!"

"What is there to wait up for!" she snaps back at him, she looked exhausted and Fletch knew to tread very carefully "I just need to get out of this place, I need to get away from here Fletch"

"What about Kian-"

"Stuff Kian" she cries exasperatedly, Fletch knew she was just lashing out from the day's events "After everything...after...no I am not doing this with you of all people!"

"Jac please don't do anything stupid" Fletch implores and Jac just scoffs and walks off, he sighs and rushes to Keller to try and find Sacha...

The dripping of the tap was driving her up the wall, she was tired and she was scared, not of the world around her though but of herself and the decisions she would take next. She was leaning over the sink, her eyes dark with pain and fear of the world around her as the memories continued to haunt her and if she was honest with herself she looked ragged and tired of everything. The water was cold as she cupped it in her hands and splashed it over her face, her body ached after a hard days work except this would probably be one of the hardest days at work she had endured so far. Memories were powerful things even if they could provide happiness, the memories in Jac's head provided sadness and upset because every time she closed her eyes she could see the flash of the barrel of that gun and the ear-piercing sound it made. That hurt the most. Her instincts were to run, so she made her way aimlessly to her office and entered, she picked up a box and started loading her belongings from her desk into it before she was rudely interrupted.

"What?!" she snaps and Sacha sighs dramatically closing the door "Don't lecture me"

"I'm not going to" Sacha states and Jac just scoffs knowing this really did seem like some interrogation "I just wanted you to tell me how you feel, maybe I could help-"

"I don't have time for this" she shakes her head, she reaches into her drawer and smiles slightly as she pulled out a picture of Emma, her heart sunk and her mind began to whir "I need a fresh start, away from this place"

"So you are running away then?"

"Hardly" she states dropping her gaze and placing the picture into the box "It's not running away, it's finding myself"

"After everything with Essie-"

"Please don't Sacha" Jac pleads undoing her hair from behind, she shakes her head to sort out her hair as she continued to pack up the box in front of her

"So you're not even going to see how Kian's doing?"

"Why should I? After everything he's done?"

"Addiction is an illness, he can't help that-"

"And I can't help him fight it, I'm not being that person even if I love him. Call me selfish, call me whatever I don't care. Emma comes first, she's my world and she is more important than him, she deserves so much better and I am going to be so much better than I was because its the least she deserves"

"Jac what happened in this hospital today-"

"Shouldn't have happened, shouldn't have occurred. Yet it did, it always does when I'm involved"

"You've had a long day and you're tired"

"Tell me something I don't know"

"I just want to make sure you've thought out your decision Jac," Sacha says softly and Jac sighs knowing he was partly right "And if your choice is to leave then I will support you, I always will"

"I'm scared," she says looking up at Sacha, he nods slowly walking over to her "You know I never admit my feelings, emotions but I am scared and I just need to get away for a bit to find myself again"

"Then I will support you all the way with whatever you need" Sacha confirms and Jac uncharacteristically throws her arms around his body and he hugs her back "It should have been me instigating that"

"Sometimes I just want to steal the limelight" she smirks slightly and Sacha rolls his eyes, Jac drops her gaze "Thank you, for everything"

"Jac Naylor thanking someone?"

"I'm not all heartless" she rolls her eyes picking up the lid of the box, she secures it tightly and picks up the box "I'll see you around Sacha before I leave there's something I need to do"

"I'll leave you to it" Sacha nods before leaving the room and humming thoughtfully wondering if Jac would actually be fine, time would tell he thought...

As soon as the pen hit the paper and the ink was absorbed regrets started to fill her head. Her hair tilted to the side as she studied the letters that formed the words of her mind and what it was trying to say. She fiddled with the pen in her hands trying to find a comfortable grip within her trembling fingers, the fear from the previous few hours catching up on her every now and then as those memories filled her head. She pinched herself every time it happened just to snap herself out of it all and eventually, she finished writing. Jac folded the paper, running the edge of the ruler along the fold to sharpen it to her high standards. Soon that letter was placed in an envelope, she smiled sadly at the thought of rummaging through Kian's desk to find it previously. Jac's feet were suddenly on their own journey, she walked slowly and steadily, the box in her hands as she stretched her fingers. Jac pushed the door open and winced slightly at the state Kian was in. She placed the box down on the side and then stood over Kian's bed, her arms crossed before uncrossing them and twirling the letter around her fingers trying to muster up the strength to address it. She did eventually grabbing a pen and then writing 'Kian' on the letter. Maybe now he would understand.

"Jac?"

"Look I'm gonna go..."

"No"

"Max, I have to go. I'm guessing you saw my email" she responds and Max nods slowly "And before you try and persuade me to stay don't, my mind's made up"

"I'm not going to persuade you to stay, Jac. You've been through a lot"

"Right" she frowns before turning to Kian's lifeless body, she just stares at it

"We removed the bullet from his brain, there's a likelihood there is lasting damage and that he may not entirely be the same again. We don't know if he will wake up from the procedure"

"If he does come around, the letter, make sure he gets it"

"I'll keep it safe for him" Max confirms taking the letter and Jac nods slowly "Take care Jac"

"Yeah...thanks" she whispers before picking up the box, she sneaks one last glance back at Kian before shaking her head in an attempt to get rid of the thoughts, running away was somehow the only way she could see an end to this...