Chapter 1

What if redemption is the thing he wants?

Ever since he saw Stefan's body buried to the ground—along with the act of sacrifices he done to save him, Damon has been feeling an unexplainable void inside his heart that is not as painful as grieve, but always lingers there like an itch. He tried to shrug it off, pouring glasses of bourbon as an effort to forget, focusing on building his "dream bar" to fill his spare time. But every time those hard liquor entering his throat, every attempt he made to stop thinking about Stefan and his screams of pain that night where he burns with Katherine, he feels like he was in hell with both of them. It's like after his brother's death, he is haunted with something more powerful than guilt.

And everything starts to fall into pieces.

He became human—aging, weak, and mortal. He became the last thing he wanted—a fragile creature. He thought everything is better once he settles his life with Elena. What could he possibly need more other than get to spend the last 60 years of his life with her? 60 years is nothing compared to his lifespan when he was a vampire. And he thought the mortal aspect, the time limit he has over this life would make him actually want to live in it to the fullest.

But turns out, it doesn't. Instead of enjoying this beautiful life he has with Elena, Damon feels more and more restless each day.

He was the result of abandonment and unrequited affection. Katherine didn't return his love for centuries, his mom left him because she was too scared, and he didn't get to save his brother in the end. He piled dead bodies under his feet—leaving humanity behind everything else. He manipulated people into doing what he wants, kills for the sake of boredom, makes people lose their loved ones to save his. And yet when he actually got what he always wanted—he didn't feel anything.

Damon switches the channels on the TV, looking for some silly movies or a rerun for the NBA game he missed. Ever since he became human, he enjoys watching sports games like every other dude. Elena is asleep on his arm—snuggling like a sleepy cat. He can feel her steady breath under his skin, warm and in rhythm. He likes her most when she's in this state—calm and beautiful and fully his.

Elena is the only one who knows grieve better than anyone, and he was there to help her get through everything the first time, obviously in his way. The fun, emotionally switched off mechanism made everything less grim. She strokes something in his heart other than his pants—something that makes him always feel needy of her touch, growing in hunger, and blind for anything else other than her love.

Or maybe the fact that she was Stefan's before his made her some kind of trophy he was really devoted to achieving. His love never gets returned before, so when he saw a glimpse of hesitation in Elena's real feeling towards him, he took the chance out of everything.

But the truth is, he didn't know. He knows he loved her so much to the point that sometimes it hurts, but he also knows that he isn't capable of loving her as selflessly as his brother did.

He used to the feeling of abandonment, he used to be blamed for every wrong selfish move he made, but he never experienced such a feeling of loss that strong before this—before losing Stefan—and he didn't get to choose who can see his vulnerable side because none was really there except Elena. The love she had for his brother was so strong that he could feel like she was absorbing his pain every time they sit to reminisce about his brother's presence.

And aside from how breathless she made him feel when he actually touches her, Elena made him feel less alone.

But over time, after a year of trying to deal with everything that comes after turning into a human, he felt that Elena is indulging too much in the power she has over him. It's like the only reason he was here in the first place, is that he couldn't think of any other life other than the one that he spends with her.

He finally settles on the channel that is airing midnight news. It's almost 3 am in the morning and he needs to get Elena back to their bedroom so that she can sleep comfortably because she has a class for tomorrow. Damon strokes her cheek, and then shakes her shoulder lightly,

"Elena," He's trying to sound soft,

"Elena, wake up. let's sleep in the bed."

He taps her lightly and brushes her hair. Elena smells like vanilla candy—too sweet for his liking but the scents remind him of the night where the only thing he wanted is to holds her all night. She smiles under his skin—already up but didn't bother to open her eyes, "Please just let me stay here," She whispers while nuzzling her face on his neck.

The thing about Elena is that she really knows how to make guys whipped for her. Aside from her conventional beauty—long hair, brown big eyes, and an effortlessly toned body—she mastered the art of getting what she wants years ago. And even though they are both in a mutual relationship, she's still using it on him that sometimes he wonders what kind of game she was playing.

"But don't blame me if you're going to be sore all day if you sleep in this position. You have a big day full of class tomorrow."He kisses her forehead, letting himself participating in the game she ruled.

"Oh, you can make me sore." Damon rolls his eyes. This kind of teasing would drive him crazy years ago—still, she has the ability to make him left with no air. But now, this game is not as dangerous as it used to be. now, it's just more like empty words blurted out of her pretty mouth, and she knew even with that she would always get what she's asked for.

"It's better for me to do that in bed," He whispered that into her ears, half intently. "Come on, up, up. or I'll carry you upstairs."

Elena finally looks up, eyes sleepy and her mouth curved into a smile "You're not tired?" She asks with such an alluring tone that would make anyone willing to give her everything.

"Never with you," He replies with the same suggestive remark.

Elena pulls her body away slowly from him. She brushes her hair with her finger and put it into a low ponytail, "I'll meet up with Bonnie tomorrow after class. It's been a while since the last time I saw her." She told him with a completely different tone than she was using earlier as she stands up and goes to the kitchen counter to grab some water.

"You're going to meet witchy? Cool, let her know I'm glad she's still alive."

Elena gulped down the water and rolls her eyes at him. "Damon, you guys are practically best friends now. Let's not forget the fact that you saved her from Kai—she said she is forever grateful that she could see another day after that traumatic experience,"

Aside from Elena, Bonnie is probably the second person who knew everything about losing. She is the same selfless person as his brother was. She sacrificed so much in her life for the people she loves—and oftentimes he hates her for that.

"No need to feel that way. I just like breaking Kai's head," Damon tries to smile although he remembers how easy it was for him to make that decision then.

"I know you did all of that for me," Elena walks back to him and taking his hand, "And I think you're an amazing person for that, Damon. Stefan would be so proud of you."

He took her hand, and kissed her knuckles, "I know," Damon pulls her closer into a hug. They stay like that for a while—the sound of TV along with flame burning in the fireplace filled the silence between them.

"I'm glad we're living this life, Damon," she murmurs against his lips as they're kissing and then bring herself into his arms again.

"I'm glad that I have a chance to love you."

The love he had for all the women in his life never get returned, except for Elena. She is everything that matters to him, and he made sure she knows that. The life he chooses with her now is the result of everyone's sacrifices—Bonnie, Stefan, even innocents people he didn't get to remember as he is so focused on getting her in his arm. She is the reason he took the cure and became a fragile human being, with centuries worth of scars, waiting to be buried with his brother after spending 60 years of happiness with the woman he loves.

But the ideal life that he imagined would be is now blurred. This life—this small house they rented far from mystic fall, the fact that Elena has to graduate first before they make their vows as husband and wife, and the undetectable void sitting on the back of his throat makes him question everything, every choice he made,

and each sacrifice other people made for them.

Damon never knew what is really inside her mind, but he always went along with it. He knew she has the card—the push and pull trick, the "I can see the good in you that none else noticed", or the "you're not wrong because you did everything out of love". He knew she can forever rule this game, pulled him in and out with a string attached to his heart.

But as they're both walking upstairs to their bedroom, as he took a glance at her while she was changing her sweatpants into a pair of silk pajamas, no longer sleepy with a slight glint in her eyes—he starts to wonder if he really trusts himself on this,

Or if she just knows the truth, but still wants to play.

AN : Hello! This is the first chapter of my on-going story. I don't know how long it's going to be, probably more than 10 chapters, but let's see. For anyone who didn't know, the story takes place after the last season when Damon took the cure to live his dream life with Elena, but things don't go as well as he was expected. There's going to be Delena as well as Bamon in it-but to make sure, it's not Delena focused fic. Let me know what you think and reviews are welcome :)