So I edited this so that it's easier to read because my bilingual ass couldn't tell the difference between English and Spanish punctuation marks the first time, ugh, sorry about that.
Konekomaru noticed Renzō was already there when he entered their dorm. The boy was holding an almost untouched ice cream pot, seemingly more interested in the spoon between his fingers. He was frowning, and his mouth was forming the opposite of a smile. It was a rare sight because it was uncharacteristic of him to be so outwardly annoyed.
"What happened?" Koneko asked while getting rid of his bag. He made a silent 'oh' with his mouth when he didn't receive an answer, "It's Rin again, right?"
Renzō groaned, pushing the ice cream away. He had been dropping hints for weeks, but Rin kept on misunderstanding them. It was expected coming from him, but it made Renzō feel frustrated all the same. Today's attempt had been his worst failure to date.
He had asked Rin about his ideal type. Hopefully, the sudden change in topics would make some bells ring.
"I don't know" the other boy had said, surprised "Maybe hot girls?"
"Ah" he had replied dryly, the word girls buzzing in his ears.
"And you? What's your ideal type?"
Renzō put a hand on his chin, giving the impression that he was thinking about it.
"Let's see. I like them cute, with big blue eyes and dark hair. I also like the strong, fighting type. And I enjoy the company of easy-going people, the kind who smile and laugh a lot." It was impossible to be more obvious than that without explicitly stating it.
Rin's eyebrows ascended so much they got lost in his hair.
"Isn't that too detailed?" Renzō felt his heart skip a beat, and he couldn't help but look away.
"You think so?"
"I mean, there aren't any girls like that in our class. How are you going to find that kind of girlfriend?"
For a moment, Renzō couldn't bring himself to reply, not knowing if he wanted to facepalm or disappear into thin air. He managed to let out a forced laugh.
"You're right, maybe I'm too picky."
"And here I thought you didn't have a girlfriend because no girl wanted to go out with you!"
Ouch.
"Isn't that too straightforward?"
What was he supposed to take away from that? It was common for them to tease each other that way, but those words had stuck with him all day. It sounded like Rin didn't think he was attractive enough to find someone who would date him.
Konekomaru gave him a sympathetic smile.
"Are you sure you don't want to be honest with him? It would save you a lot of time."
Renzō stayed silent, stubbornly staring at the wall. He felt his phone vibing in his pocket and took it out. He checked Rin's message as Koneko left him alone with a shake of his head.
"I'm bored, let's go watch a movie!"
Renzō let out a sigh. After cram school finished he had seen Rin approaching him from the corner of his eye and had hurried out. He wondered what the other boy would have thought about it, feeling a little mixture of guilt and resignation. Rin wasn't the person he had been mad with.
"Sounds fun"
He added some winking and kissing emojis. He liked flirting through text, even if Rin never paid it any attention.
Rin was looking at the movie posters in front of the cinema when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Do you wanna watch that?" Renzō asked from behind, looking at the poster the other boy had been skimming. Rin felt his warm breath tickling his ear, sending a shudder down his body. He was aware of the pressure of his friend's hand on his body even through the clothing.
"I didn't see you get here!" Rin turned towards him, "Sometimes you seem like some kind of ninja."
"Even if I was, you wouldn't be able to tell."
"What makes you think that?"
"It's a secret" Renzō put a finger over his playful smirk. "So, what are we watching? I'm ok with any genre."
"I wanna watch this!" Rin pointed at a poster on his left starring a man with a katana, standing in the middle of a bridge, and surrounded by wrecked cars on fire. It seemed over the top, which meant he would love it.
Renzō agreed to watch it and bought the tickets, noticing Rin's helpless stare towards the popcorn machine.
"Aren't you going to buy anything?"
"I didn't bring enough money" Rin complained dejectedly putting a hand over his stomach, amusing Renzō.
"Then, what about soda and popcorn? I'm paying."
Rin perked up.
"Yes! You're actually pretty nice Shima."
"I want two sodas and large-sized popcorn" he informed the cashier and looked at Rin. "Why, did you just realize?"
They walked into the movie some minutes after it started, but they didn't miss much. As Renzō thought, it was an over-the-top action blockbuster, and Rin was enjoying every adrenaline packet minute of it, commenting on everything cool or interesting. The main character was a modern samurai who fought the yakuza with his katana for revenge. Renzō managed to forget about this morning's failure and was enjoying himself; mostly because of Rin's excitement, though the movie was good enough.
"That chick looks like your type!" Rin turned his face away from the big screen to look at him, pointing at the heroine making her badass entrance. "And she's good at fighting too!"
All this time, Rin seemed to be under the assumption that he was only interested in girls. He knew he should have cleared it up from the start, but Renzō had hoped he would catch on to it without having to say it. He didn't mind telling people about his sexuality when it came up, but with Rin it was different. He was the first person he actually had fallen in love with. It had been easier to propose to the girls he had liked in the past since attraction between boys and girls was nothing new to anybody, so he was at a lower risk of getting rejected. And this was way more serious to him than anything he had felt for any of those girls. But whenever he let Rin keep on thinking he was straight, it felt wrong. He was getting tired of that feeling.
"Rin" Renzō interrupted him in a serious yet calm voice. "I also like boys, do you know?"
"Eh?!" Rin stared at him with a dumbfounded look. "Wait, I thought you only liked girls!"
"I like both," Renzō replied quietly.
Shima liked boys? Since when or how? He had never shown any interest in another man, had he? In that case, the ideal type they were talking about would also apply to boys, right? A guy with blue eyes and dark hair who knew how to fight... His mind recalled all the times Renzō had brought up relationships and romance the past few weeks. He had just thought he was getting desperate about getting a girlfriend, but now it seemed like...it couldn't be true, but...
The realization made his heart beat faster than the second before, unraveling an exasperating drumming sensation in his chest for no reason. Feeling like this so suddenly was confusing, but it wasn't new. He had experienced it earlier when they met, and even before that… days, no, weeks, maybe even months before. He couldn't pinpoint since when, but it had happened a lot when he was with Renzō. And yet, his heart rate never had been this overwhelming, so he hadn't really thought about it in that way until this moment. It was like how he felt when he had had a crush on Shiemi, but even more intense. Was it really the same thing?
Looking back on it, he did find himself thinking that Renzō was handsome oftentimes, and being with him was a lot of fun, and he felt at ease with him, and he did like his laid back and humorous personality, and he also liked the way his eyes lit up when he laughed, and he did miss him through the day, and... he didn't dare to keep going through that line of thought. It hadn't occurred to him that he too could like another... boy. Since he had never had such a close friend, he just assumed his feelings were just that.
He noticed Renzō's eyes were lurking into his, trying to unveil the thoughts he was having right now. Did he really...? Could they...?
"Uh, oh," Rin had to look away to focus on the words that his throat was containing. "Why are you telling me this?
Renzō noticed that Rin had tensed up. Was he uncomfortable?
"Because," he paused, " we are friends, right?"
Rin felt the drumming reach a forceful stop. He had misunderstood everything and had gotten this hopeful about it. He was so dumb.
"Ah, right. Yes! Of course" Rin patted him on the shoulder with a sudden smile. Too sudden. "You should have told me sooner."
"Well, it wasn't something important, so I didn't really think about it until now" Renzō lied, trying to take some weight off the conversation.
"Yeah, it's not a big deal."
Rin took a long sip of his soda, not daring to look at him, and Renzō tried to seem interested in the movie. What was Rin thinking? Had he seen through him? Was he trying to reject him subtly? It could be better not to know. Maybe it was time to let it go. If he couldn't go through with it, the most reasonable thing would be to back down quietly. It was a good thing to know one's limitations.
They fell into an awkward silence during the rest of the movie, neither of them no longer able to focus on what was happening on screen.
As soon as the credits started rolling Rin propelled himself out of his seat.
"That was a really good movie," he commented as they got to the exit, trying to act normal. "Next time you get to choose what to watch!"
Renzō didn't reply, and Rin turned back to look at him.
"Shima?"
He should feel relieved that Rin was treating him like he usually did, that nothing had changed; and he did so to an extent, but he couldn't help feeling a bigger disappointment.
"Then you buy the snacks next time. Let's take turns."
Rin yawned, tears springing from his eyes as if he was lamenting the lost sleep. After coming back from the movies, he hadn't been able to fall asleep. He just had too many, many embarrassing feelings he didn't know what to do with, and too many things to think and figure out. Since when did he like Renzō? Had he ever crushed on another boy without realizing it? Had there been any signals he had ignored? Did others notice that before him? Those kinds of questions had been annoying him all night, and he wasn't sure about what the answers could be. His memories became vague and incomprehensible when he consulted them, like an album full of blurry pictures. That he might have had certain feelings for boys the same way he had for girls was like trying to tell who was who and what was what when looking at the formless colored spots on a photograph. It was a disorientating examination, and he felt even more lost because he couldn't reach a conclusion. Were some pictures missing?
He got to school, passing students that usually would be already listening to their lectures when he arrived. While making the usual way to his class he remembered Renzō's classroom was close by, and he had to go past it to get to his. It made his stomach flutter, suddenly feeling self-conscious.
He turned to the hall on his right, failing to keep his heart rate under control at the idea of seeing his friend again after thinking about him all night. Renzō was leaning against the door frame of his classroom, talking to a pretty girl with long brown hair. He got closer to her and stretched his hand to touch her hair lightly.
"You had a bug in your hair" Rin heard him say as he passed down the hallway, walking as fast as he could. Liar. He would never grab one of those.
He reached the end of the hall and got into his classroom, startling his classmates. He put his bag down and threw all of his weight onto his chair without minding their inquiring looks. It didn't make any sense for him to feel like this, but he felt cheated on. As much as Renzō had brought up dating in their conversations, he hadn't seen him attempting to flirt with anybody for a long time, so he thought that everybody had already rejected him. Maybe he had found some comfort in that assumption, some guarantee that his friend would always have time for him. It had been stupid of him to think like that.
Renzō had seen Rin when he passed by his side in the hallway; it was unusual for him to arrive this early to class. During cram school the boy had fallen asleep over his desk, with evident bags under his eyes; he had to be tired. Nonetheless, it was still pretty rare to not see him working hard in class, but sleeping instead without even taking his things out of his bag.
After finishing his class and dismissing them, Yukio approached Rin's desk and woke him up by hitting him in the head with a book. It was more of a gentle impact than an actual hit.
"Nii-san, it would be better for you to just stick to your usual sleeping schedule," he said it like it was more of a command than a suggestion.
"Damn Yukio, just wake me up normally," Rin rubbed his head, ruffling his hair, and yawned.
He picked up his bag and got up. He normally would approach his classmates to talk after class, but he was already leaving. Something about him was different today. Renzō quickly put his things in his bag and hurried behind him. He could hear Bon say something along the lines of "there he goes again" but ignored him.
"Hey, Rin!" the other boy turned over when hearing his name, raising an eyebrow. "Already going home?"
"Yes," he replied in a disinterested manner, looking away. His baggy eyes were darker up close.
"You look tired."
"I had a nightmare last night," Rin's eyebrows became a frown as he said it.
"Was that why you were here so early today?"
Rin just nodded with his gaze set on his left, opposite to Renzō's position, and stayed silent. It was uncomfortable, but Renzō wasn't sure how to break the ice. This was a different Rin, one that behaved as if he was trying to avoid him. It was more like talking to Izumo than to Rin, but she was much more upfront about it.
"She's pretty," Rin suddenly said after several minutes.
"Who?" Renzō was taken off guard.
"That girl," he said it as if it was obvious who he was talking about.
"Sayaka?" so he had seen him in the hallway but chose to not say anything.
"She has nice hair,"
Renzō couldn't tell where Rin was going with that.
"Ah, yes, she's—"
"I didn't know you also liked girls like her," Rin interrupted him. His tone betrayed a contained irritation. What was this all about?
"Well, I—"
"You know, because she doesn't seem at all like the type of person you told me about."
Renzō examined Rin's face, who kept looking away stubbornly. Why was he acting like this? It almost reminded him of how girls acted when they were... jealous?
"Are you angry?" he asked, leaning closer.
Rin's shoulders tensed.
"No! I just—" he struggled to find his words. "I was just saying."
"You're kinda different today," Renzō commented.
"Uh? I-I'm just tired," he scratched his cheek.
Rin's ears had become pink. In addition to his annoyed face, the blush made him look adorable. Could it really be that he was jealous? He wasn't sure, but what else could this behavior indicate? This was a completely unusual way of acting for Rin. He had reminded him of Izumo, but thinking a little more about it, Rin's actions weren't actually giving avoidance or rejection. Under his irritation, he seemed so subdued and unsure, almost shy.
He heard Bon complaining under his breath unintelligibly some feet behind him, and Koneko whispering something. They could have just gone home first but were waiting for him anyways.
"I need to buy some new CDs, so I thought about going shopping together, but you might want to get some sleep. Anyways, you can think about it and call me later if you wanna hang out."
Rin let his gaze wander towards him, his cheeks turning the same color as his ears, like watercolor expanding on a clean paper sheet. It was the first time Renzō saw him react like that to anything he said, which made his heart jump in his chest.
"Oh, ok." Rin's annoyed expression relaxed a little.
"Well, I'll get going," he gestured towards the boys."You know Bon doesn't like when he's kept on waiting."
Rin waved at him almost imperceptibly, his hand tracing the movement as if it had trouble pushing the air aside. He stared at Renzō's back as he joined Bon and Konekomaru, unable to understand the quick progression of his own feelings.
Rin threw himself on top of his bed letting out a sigh; his back was killing him after being hunched over his desk all day. He didn't want to get up from there in like a million years, feeling emotionally and physically tired. There was still a certain annoyance weighing down on his stomach, but he had also felt the butterflies all the way home after their conversation. Renzō had asked him to go out instead of the girl. It wasn't out of character for him as they went out together often, but it made him super happy anyways. He turned over his side and hugged his pillow, burying his face into its reassuring texture. It wasn't a date, it was just a friendly outing. A friendly date.
"Wait," he sat up as a thought struck him.
If he didn't show up, would Renzō invite the Sayaka girl to go shopping together? He imagined her holding the boy's arm, and Renzō smiling down on her, listening attentively as they walked around like a couple. It wasn't fair! He wanted to be the one spending time with him.
He hurried to call him.
"Where are we going?" he asked eagerly as soon as the other accepted his call.
"Ah, Rin!" Renzō sounded surprised, "uh, do you know the Kichijoji shopping district? It's in Musashino."
"Kichijoji? I haven't heard of it."
"Really? It's pretty popular, I go there often. There's a direct train line to the neighborhood, so what about meeting up at the train station?"
"Yeah, that's fine. At what time?"
"Right now it's 5.45. Maybe at 6.05? There's a train parting at 6.10."
"That sounds good."
"I'll see you in 20 minutes then. You should bring some money, you'll want to buy something when you get there."
Renzō hung up, and Rin swiftly got up, suddenly feeling nervous. He started rummaging his wardrobe, unsure of what to wear. He had his own pretty cool taste in clothing, but he normally didn't pay that much attention to what he was going to wear. It wasn't an actual date, he uselessly reminded himself again as he tried to decide on what clothes would be better. It wasn't like Renzō would mind, but this time, he felt like he had to look good. He chose to put on a grey jacket over a checkered red and black shirt, ripped jeans, and dark platform boots. It was 5.58 when he left a quick note for Yukio and hurried out.
"Yo Rin, you're just on time," Renzō greeted him with his usual smile.
"I made it," Rin gave back a proud smile, having covered the distance from home running.
Renzō's eyes made their way to Rin's figure, making his heart speed up. The violent red and black of the clothes accentuated the melting blue of Rin's eyes, alluring him even more than they already did normally. He hoped he was not letting his gaze hang on for too long on Rin's thighs, well-marked by the fitting rips on his jeans. It was such a Rin outfit, so vibrant and almost punkish, yet he had never seen him wearing something like that.
"What?" asked Rin, feeling examined.
"Are you sure you wanna wear that now?" he commented teasingly, hoping the slight heat on his cheeks wasn't visible. " It's a nice fit, you should save it for a date.
Rin's face got red.
"Ah, it's just that I've never been to Kichikochi!" he started to talk faster, scratching his head. "I didn't know what to wear to go there, and today we had to do the laundry too, so you know, things like that, right?" "It's Kichijoji," Renzō corrected in an amused tone. He couldn't ignore this unusual behavior. Rin was acting so differently today while still succeeding to remain endearing.
The speakers announced their train's arrival before Rin had anything to reply. The vehicle was almost full; Rin got a seat on time, but Renzō would have to travel standing. The space was crowded and narrow, so they were forced to be closer than usual. Both were overly conscious about their knees touching.
"Wow, I didn't know Kichijoji was so popular," Rin commented as the train departed. He was looking through the window, trying to hide how such a simple contact made his heartbeat go faster.
"Right now there must be a lot of people going back home after staying in the city all week," the other boy replied, also looking away.
"Wait!" somebody shouted behind them as Renzō felt a strong push against his back, making him fall over.
He put his hands against the window, trapping Rin between his arms just in time to not bump their heads. As his body tried to find support, one of his knees landed between Rin's legs, pressing against the other's thigh through the thin dark fabric. Their noses were inches apart; Renzō could feel Rin's warm breath caressing his lips. The boy looked at him with alarmed eyes and red cheeks, unknowingly pulling him in with his gaze. He looked so stunning up close and in those clothes, he was making it difficult for Renzō to pay attention to anything else. They stared at each other, trying to find silent answers in the other's eyes. Their startled hearts were synchronizing on the same cacophony, and neither of them was able or willing to make it stop. As if it was impossible to not do so, Renzō's eyes slowly wandered down, meeting with Rin's half-open lips.
"I have to get off!" they heard the same voice from before, this time coming from a distance. The effect was like that of throwing a ball against a window, shattering anything that had been built there.
Becoming suddenly conscious of the moment and place Renzō got up and jerked his head towards the direction of the voice, not really looking for its source. What had he been thinking? They were surrounded by people in a public space, and Rin was just his friend. He felt like swearing. More than anything he could reproach himself, what frustrated him the most was that he would have to deal with not being able to taste Rin's lips after almost getting to know what it was like. He had never wanted to kiss someone this bad.
"That was sudden" he commented with false ease. "Are you ok Rin?"
"Y-yeah, I just got surprised" he looked at the twilight through the window, worried that his reddened face might be betraying his words.
He felt his heart on the brink of exploding. Layers of embarrassment, confusion, fear, and desire were piling up one over another, and topping it all was the disappointment. It was impossible, but for a mere moment he had expected and wanted to be kissed.
They didn't say another word, both too busy trying to reach some kind of inner conciliation with their troublesome feelings.
Their train took a total of 30 minutes to arrive at Kichijoji Station.
"The shopping district is close by," informed Renzō, relieved to have something casual to say to dissipate the tension, "we can get there just by walking."
It was a large, long shopping street sandwiched between buildings, well protected from the elements. There was a sign over the entrance reading "Kichijoji Sunroad" in black and red letters, under which a drawn girl was timidly posing for every bypasser to see. She reminded Rin of those girls that pretended that they had been surprised by the camera casually looking good. As they entered, he turned around to look at the bright standards hung on each side of the street, signaling where each shop was and the services and products they offered.
"Let's look around first, and we can choose a place to eat later," Renzō suggested, and Rin just nodded along, looking all around him with his mouth open in wonder. Thinking that the other boy was being really cute again without trying, Renzō set a slower pace so that Rin could look at everything as he liked.
People strolled between shops, some already carrying bags, consulting prices, and checking items. As they moved forward, Rin soon realized how huge the district was, as the main street was fragmented into smaller ones to the sides, each having their respective businesses. There was a little of everything, from the most common establishments to the most specific ones; drugstores exposing perfumes, kits, and makeup; shops stacked with shoes and thighs of any number, length, and color hung on the walls; kebab stalls, fruit stores, cafes, candy stores, boutiques, artisanal stores; there were even shops that offered traditional articles of clothing like kimonos, obis and sandals, in addition to blocks of special paper used for calligraphy, hairpins, embroidered fabrics, charms, and stamped napkins. He wasn't sure where to go, or what to look at first. It was like a massive summer festival without the traditional part. He kind of wanted to buy a little of everything, especially food, but he and Yukio were short of money, so he had to choose carefully.
It didn't take long for Rin to get distracted, losing count of the time.
He was looking at a stall of pretty traditional toys when Renzō touched his shoulder lightly, failing to not startle him.
"Rin, I'm going to check there" he pointed at a music shop.
"Oh, right," Rin hurried behind him, feeling the nervousness bubbling in his stomach again.
It was especially clean inside, almost immaculate. Guitars were hanging on the walls, and there was a battery on a corner. While Renzō talked on the counter, asking about prices and artists' new releases, Rin looked through CDs and vinyl discs stacked against a glass wall. He raised his eyes, peeking outside, and his face lit up at the sight of a traditional sake shop on the other side of the street. He left Renzō bargaining with the cashier and entered the establishment.
"Aren't you too young to be spending on sake?" asked the elderly owner as Rin chose the variety that was the most accessible to him.
"It's a gift for my old man!" Rin said with a smile.
"I hope he likes it," replied the elderly, softening his expression.
"Me too," Rin agreed, looking at his shoes as his smile became a less pronounced line.
Renzō had already finished his business and was waiting for him outside the music shop.
"You bought alcohol?" he asked, seeing him get out of the sake shop.
"It's a gift," Rin replied and looked at the bags Renzō was carrying. "What did you get?"
"I could buy Uverworld's new album for a good price, some CDs, and" he paused as he rummaged through one of his bags, "this too."
He took out a cat toy and gave it to him. It was black and had two tails and a little blue flame over its head.
"You were looking at it, it's like your cat."
"Ohh, Kuro is going to get really jealous!" Rin pushed the other's shoulder playfully. "Thank you, you're pretty nice!"
"You said the same thing yesterday" he replied distractedly while rubbing his shoulder, though he didn't mind receiving the same compliment from Rin twice.
"It was true yesterday too!"
It was already dark outside, Renzō noted. The majority of the businesses had already lit up their lights and signs, and the street was starting to get flooded with the smell of cooking coming from food stalls and restaurants.
"Are you hungry?" Renzō asked, "since it's our first time coming together, I'll invite you to dine out."
"Are you sure?" Rin looked up at him, putting the cat toy in his pocket, feeling both timid and excited. Looking at things together, being given a gift, and sharing dinner… this felt like an actual date.
"I wouldn't suggest it if I wasn't. You can pick and I'll pay."
"Then I want Yakisoba or grilled meat!" Rin replied so enthusiastically it made Renzō laugh.
"There's like, all kinds of exotic restaurants here, you know? Well," he thought about it, "I think I know a place where they serve good grilled meat.
"Yeah, I'd like that!"
"It's called Sunroad Barbeque, kinda obvious, don't you think?"
They walked a little more and found the establishment. Inside, the lighting was nice, soft but not too dark; it created an intimate atmosphere. The menus were over the table, big black cardboards with pics of anything available. They ordered a beef platter, mushrooms, lamb, and some side dishes. The young waitress looked at Renzō with doubt when he asked for a beer, but took the order and brought all the ordered items without saying anything.
"It's been some time since I last ate grilled meat!" Rin commented happily, using tongs to put some mushrooms on the iron plate in the middle of the table.
"Umh? Why's that?"
"Yukio doesn't really like grilled food that much, and we don't usually eat out" the other explained, adding sliced meat. He turned it over as it started sizzling. It was losing its redness, and the smell was spoiling how delicious it would taste.
"I don't eat out often either," Renzō commented. "Bon and Koneko won't accompany me because they're trying to save up, and it's also been some time since I had a date. And eating out alone is kinda boring, isn't it?"
"You're right, food is best enjoyed together!" Rin was happy to agree.
His meat sizzled again, informing him it was ready for consumption. He put it on his plate and passed the tongs to Renzō, who started to put some more sliced meat on the platter. He rested his chin on the palm of his hand as he watched Rin blow on his food with impatient anticipation; the smell probably had made him hungry if he hadn't already been. He brought the meat to his mouth with his chopsticks, chewing on his food with the enthusiastic gratitude of a puppy being fed, and closed his eyes, smiling as he got to savor the meat. Renzō knew Rin valued food a lot, but seeing him eat with so much joy was something his weak heart wasn't prepared for. It was adorable. He should have taken him to eat out sooner.
"Shima!" Rin shot his eyes open, smelling something burning. "Your meat!"
"What?" Renzō lifted his chin, staring at him blankly before redirecting his gaze to the iron platter; his meat was completely roasted on the underside. "Aw, shit!"
He was supposed to pay for that! He turned it over but it was too late to save the innocent piece of beef— it had paid the price for his simping, he thought. Rin tittered at him.
"You should have turned it over after a few seconds!" he said while gently taking the tongs from Renzō's hand and putting aside the burnt leftovers. Despite the cool appearance he tried to maintain, Renzō was so silly sometimes.
"I guess I'll just focus on paying the bill. Take good care of me." Renzō said with a wink, leaning on the table. He made Rin feel fuzzy.
"Sure thing!" he replied with a confident smile and a slight blush, putting some new beef slices to cook.
If there was something he could do, that was cooking. Even though grilling sliced meat was one of the simplest things to do, it made him happy to show the other boy his cooking. It was the only thing he had always felt sure he could do well; it was meaningful to share and enjoy it together.
Rin started humming to himself, and Renzō observed him as he got immersed in the task. Right now he seemed to be in a particularly good mood even for him; he was radiating warmth and easiness around him like a fire. It was contagious and so, so attractive. Was this what it felt like to date him? To be able to bathe under the sunlight even at night? Just when he had decided to give up less than a day ago, he was being reminded of how much he liked Rin just by being around him. It wasn't fair.
"Here you go," Rin served him meat and mushrooms directly on his plate, and locked eyes by chance as he did.
The tenderness in Renzō's eyes surprised him; they were soft, the softest rin had ever seen. He felt like they were laying kisses on him with their brown, almost amber silk, a light yet loving touch so enveloping and so penetrating he had to look away. Why was he looking at him like that? It made Rin feel vulnerable. It made his heart go crazy in a way he just couldn't ignore. He didn't know what to do with himself when that happened.
"Well, let's see how good it is when it isn't burnt," Renzō said humorously, soaking a slice of beef in sauce.
Rin hurriedly served himself, feeling inexplicably overwhelmed.
"This is really good," Renzō commented. The meat was tasty, soft, and juicy; Rin had made sure to grill it enough for it to feel slightly crunchy on the sides without letting it dry. "Have I already told you that you'd make for a good husband?"
"Isn't that something you'd usually say to a girl?" Rin pointed out in a joking tone, refusing to look at anything besides his food. 2But the meat here is pretty high quality! How did you know about this place?"
"You remember Sayaka, right? She recommended it. She told me she'd like to come here on a date because the ambiance and food were good."
Rin felt his stomach drop to the ground.
"Ah, that girl," his voice came out annoyed all of sudden. He started to eat faster, as if he was getting mad at the food.
There was again the grumpy Rin Renzō had met for the first time this morning. Was it because of the mention of Sayaka? He felt like he had to explain himself for something.
"Though I didn't really plan to come here until you mentioned meat" he added, and Rin attacked a mushroom with his chopsticks. "But I'm having fun! I'm glad we came here together."
"You should bring her here next time," Rin replied drily, "seems like she wants to date you."
"I don't think I will. I'm not interested in her," Renzō chose another sauce as he replied. He just had been flirting a little to test whether he felt like casually dating other people.
Rin shot him a surprised glance, finally abandoning the sight of his plate.
"Why?"
"Why?" repeated Renzō, stopping the motion of his chopsticks in mid-air when he was about to take a bite. What should he say? Because I like you too much for anybody else to be able to compete with you? "Well, she's a pretty girl, but I realized she's not my type, I guess."
"Oh, right, your type" the previous pink on Rin's cheeks turned red at the reminder that he was in fact like Renzō's type. "Then we could bring everybody with us next time!"
"Isn't it better to focus on the now?" Renzō suggested with a single drop of sweat on his cheek. He wasn't especially thrilled about the idea of having the entire class take away from his alone time with Rin. That was what cram school was for.
"Ahhhhhhhhh, I'm full!" Rin commented loudly for the third time, stretching his arms behind his head.
This time it was probably true, as he didn't open again the bag full of dango Renzō had bought for him after they paid for their dinner. They had decided to stroll some more around the district, buying things and commenting on what they saw.
Now they were back at the station, waiting for the train that would take them home.
"What time is it?" Rin asked with a yawn. He had been so excited earlier that he had forgotten his phone on his bed.
"It's past 10 pm," Renzō informed with a look at his wristwatch.
"Ugh, Yukio is gonna be pissed."
"That sounds like his usual mood."
"I should have bought him something," Rin lamented. He hadn't realized how much time truly had passed, or he would have gotten something to bribe Yukio.
The train arrived with fewer passengers this time. Both boys were able to sit down, as only them and an old lady took that ride.
"Today was fun," Renzō smiled softly at Rin from his right, "don't you think?"
"Of course!" Rin nodded along, his sleepy smile showed off his pointy canines. "A lot of fun."
Rin felt his body relax in his seat as the train's movement politely swayed him. The sensation was entrancing. He yawned again.
"Next time we could go to a western restaurant to switch things up," Renzō suggested in a chill manner, looking at the night landscape through the window as he thought about it. " Maybe French or Italian food would be nice."
It would be pretty romantic, he thought, letting out a sigh.
He felt a soft thud against his side. Rin had fallen asleep, and his cheek was now resting on his shoulder. That was fast. It had been a long day for Rin. Soft-looking strands of hair fell over the boy's delicate features. His right arm and tight were pressed against Renzō, making his stomach shake. For some reason, having Rin like this just for him made Renzō's heart warm. Just sitting together on a late ride alone was so good. It was intimate.
This was the kind of thing he wanted from their relationship. To go out together, to have Rin's presence light up his every day, to not have to contain the desire to kiss him. He wanted to see each of his reactions, to make him blush with his flirting or laugh with a lame joke, to fall asleep with each other after a long day. He wanted to make Rin feel his love in his skin. And he craved for Rin to want him in the same way.
As much as he had wanted to believe it was for the best, deep down he wasn't willing to give up on such wants. It probably had been too naive of him to think he could back out of this, because he was already head over heels for his oblivious friend. He just couldn't be satisfied with their relationship as it had been until now; there would always be a part of him longing for more, the same one that had been childishly bugging him in the back of his mind all day. He needed to at least try.
The landscape outside was gradually changing, Tokyo's shimmering lights prominently growing closer, reflecting on the windows their yellows, reds, and blues. When the train arrived at its destination, this moment would end, their day together would become a memory, and another day would follow without any change unless he did something. He sighed, trying to manage the uncertainty growing inside him.
"Rin" he called in a low, affectionate voice as he shook Rin's shoulder, "wake up."
"Mngh?" he uttered, slightly lifting his head to look at Renzō with sleepy eyes, "Shima?"
Rin hurried to sit straight on his seat as he noticed how close they were.
"Did I fall asleep over you?" he asked, looking startled.
"Yes," Renzō replied in a faltering voice, feeling his throat's muscles tense. He swallowed.
"Rin?" he softly put his hand over Rin's hand. "I wanna kiss you."
He looked into Rin's eyes, searching for anything that could reveal rejection, but he only found confusion. The shorter boy's cheeks quickly reddened. Renzō leaned in, feeling his heartbeat grow faster with each inch closer. Careful not to startle nor force him, he let their mouths join gently. He moved his lips, feeling an overwhelming blend of desire, nervousness, and happiness. Rin closed his eyes and followed his movements, pushing back with his own lips. All of his scattered thoughts melted under the other's touch, sending an unknown burning sensation from his chest to the rest of his body. It was a short, sweet kiss; a small dance between trembling partners trying to find a pace.
Renzō was the first one to pull back, trying to contain himself to stop there, or he would have kissed him past Tokyo all the way to Hokkaido. Rin opened his eyes and stared at him, trying to process what had happened. He lowered his gaze and bit his lip, still red. It had been his first kiss and it had been so good. He wanted to do it again, but had too many thoughts he didn't know how to articulate.
Renzō felt his anxiety trying to bite down the butterflies in his stomach during the seconds Rin took to think about what to say.
"Why...? Do you... like me?"
"I like you a lot," Renzō replied in a tone that didn't leave any doubts. This time, his blush was evident.
"I like you too," Rin declared with an embarrassed expression.
Renzō intertwined their fingers, feeling waves of relief and newfound euphoria sweep away all of his worries.
"Rin, you are my ideal type," he confessed with a warm, heartfelt smile. "Do you wanna date me?"
"S-so, that was what the types talk was all about?" Rin lifted his gaze, looking at Renzō with wide eyes.
"Yes," Renzō sighed, looking down. Admitting his failed attempt was embarrassing.
Rin giggled at his resigned face, pressing Renzō's hand between his fingers.
"I don't understand it yet, but I also think you're my ideal type," the laughter in his voice progressed into a hint of confusion. "I didn't know I could like boys, but I-I'm sure I like you."
"So, what you're saying is that I'm your bi awakening?" Renzō asked, feeling proud of himself.
"Uh? What's that?"
"Nevermind," Renzō replied, shaking his head to the sides softly. Rin didn't know the gay lingo yet. "Being confused is normal. You'll learn more about your preferences at your own pace. I went through it too, so maybe I can be of some help as you figure it out."
"Oh, I see," said Rin with a nod. So Renzō had also felt like this! It was reassuring to know.
"So, today, you actually were jealous of Sayaka, right?" Renzō gave him a naughty smirk.
"Was that so obvious?!" Rin would have gotten redder if he could.
"It was pretty cute, actually. But you didn't answer my first question yet" Renzō reminded him in a teasing tone. Rin looked at him blankly before realizing with a gasp.
"Ah, that! uh, yes! I do wanna... date you, Renzō" Rin let the last words roll out of his mouth, feeling stupidly shy. That somebody liked him that way, and that it was someone he also liked made him incredibly happy, but it was also difficult to believe fully.
This time it was Renzō's turn to laugh at the cute face he was making. He had called him by his name for the first time.
"Then I'm officially your boyfriend now."
"Yeah, we're boyfriends," Rin's lips formed a smile at the thought of it. There were a lot of things he didn't understand yet, but Renzō was his, and he was Renzō's now, right? That thought made him feel excited and safe.
Despite the shyness in Rin's smile, the loving flame in his eyes wasn't contained at all. Renzō felt their warmth consuming him without leaving anything left. He was leaning in for another kiss when they heard the announcement that the train was entering the station. They hadn't realized they were already in central Tokyo, or that the train's speed had decreased. It was a shame, but Renzō comforted himself with the thought that from now on they had countless opportunities to kiss more. He wanted to teach Rin everything he knew, and learn together everything he still had to know.
They got up as the doors opened. The old lady passed by their side and got off the vehicle before them.
"Was she always there?!" Rin was flabbergasted; he hadn't even noticed her get in with them.
"I completely forgot about her," Renzō commented, not all that worried. He gently squeezed Rin's hand before letting go. "Text me when you get home."
"Sure!"
Rin waved at his boyfriend as he went his way. Once Renzō couldn't see him he reached his lips with his hand, replaying the kiss in his head and giggling to himself. He was so into his feelings that he even forgot about Yukio until he got home. The door of their dorm opened before he could do it himself.
"Nii-san," Yukio said in a serious tone, " It's 5 minutes past 11 pm."
"Ah, Yukio! Well, you see—"
"I know it was a date, but that doesn't excuse you from getting home so late," Yukio adjusted his glasses and crossed his arms, containing the negative aura he was giving off. "What is your explanation?"
"D-date? What makes you think that?" Rin's eyes widened in surprise.
"You left me a note, remember?" Yukio arched an eyebrow and took a piece of paper from his pocket.
Rin almost ripped the note from his hand and examined it. In the hurry, he hadn't realized he had written "I'll be out on a friendly date today, don't worry!"