The Apology, an anne with an e fanfic

The Apology

Anne with an E inspired fan fiction by Cheryl C. Malandrinos

Disclaimer: I do not own the Anne with an E television series, the Anne of Green Gables book series, or any of the characters.

The snow crunched beneath Diana's boots as she made her way to Anne's house. After months of studying together at Queen's, it felt good to be home. With Christmas only days away, Diana wanted to surprise her bosom friend with the special gift she made. If only she could push away the feeling of dread at the thought of running into Jerry.

Between her fight with Anne, her fight with her parents over attending Queen's, and then rushing off to Queen's last minute, she had never apologized to Jerry for what happened between them. Diana was sure he despised her. She despised herself. In her quest for freedom, she hurt him terribly. The months at Queen's allowed her to avoid thinking about it, but being home brought all those awful memories rushing back. Though she had repaired her friendship with Anne, she didn't believe Jerry would be so forgiving.

Diana shivered and lowered her chin deeper into her blue knitted scarf. She loved the way blue made her raven hair stand out, so she wore it often. In only a few steps, she would pass the barn and could sneak into the safety of Anne's house. She forced herself to keep a steady pace.

"Hullo. Diana, is that you?"

She froze. She needn't turn around to know Jerry spotted her. Diana's breath came in short pants as she heard Jerry's approach. Puffs of white smoke encircled her head. What would she say? Worse, what would he say? Diana closed her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat. When she opened her eyes, Jerry stood in front of her.

"Oh, Jerry." She worked to keep her cadence even. "I didn't expect to see you here."

Jerry crinkled his forehead. "It is Monday, no?"

The sound of his voice reminded her of the evening she sat around the table with his family and how much she enjoyed spending an evening with them. Joyful songs his father belted out in French as he played his accordion and they all danced trickled through her mind. The heat of embarrassment crept up Diana's face. "Of course. How silly of me."

"Did you like studying at Queen's?"

She nodded. "It's ever so much fun rooming with Anne. She never tires of telling stories or going on adventures around Charlottetown. I feel so much freer there than at home."

Jerry winced, and Diana wondered if the mention of her freedom reminded him of that evening she spent with his family or of the day she broke it off with him.

The clouds in the sky had grown larger and grayer. Fat snowflakes fell on them as they stood together in silence. Diana took a step toward the house, then stopped. She needed to talk to Jerry.

"Do you think we could talk?" she said.

Jerry shrugged. "I didn't think you liked talking with me?"

Diana's heart fell as she saw the hurt in his eyes; hurt she had caused by her selfishness. She reached out and clasped his hand. "Please."

They walked toward the barn to get out of the cold. Jerry held his hands by his side and Diana kept her gaze lowered. She sat on the bench and placed the basket holding Anne's present on the ground before sitting and brushing at imaginary dust on her coat.

For several long moments, Diana stared at her fingers, kept warm inside her navy mittens. Jerry, leaning against the worktable, looked as handsome as ever. His wool cap covered a head of dark hair worn just long enough to touch the brown scarf tucked inside his wool coat. The faint hint of a moustache showed above his lips, and she found the small cleft in his chin delightful.

Jerry's Adam's apple shifted when he cleared his throat. "You want to talk."

"Yes, I do." Diana clasped her hands together. Oh, how I wish I were like Anne, she thought. She is never at a loss for words. She exhaled and compelled her mouth to speak. "Jerry." She swallowed away the lump that had reappeared in her throat. "Jerry, I am so sorry for what happened." She paused and her gaze met his. "I treated you unfairly. I didn't mean to be unkind."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "You called me rude and aggressive."

If only I could take back those dreadful words, she thought. She recalled how she left Jerry standing there at the covered bridge, a book and the French poodle figurine he gave her tossed at his feet. How horrible am I?

Diana shook her head. "You weren't. I was the rude one. I broke things off with no explanation and without considering your feelings."

Jerry clenched his jaw, as if the memory caused fresh pain. "Why did you pretend?" I-I-I really liked you, Diana. My family, they-they-they treated you so nice. My little sister asks when the belle princesse will visit again."

Diana dropped her head into her hands as the tears pricked her eyes. "I'm sorry, Jerry. I'm so sorry," she said in a voice muffled by her knitted mittens.

Jerry shuffled across the floor and held something out to her. When she saw the stitched J.B. on the corner of the white handkerchief, her heart squeezed. She accepted it and dabbed her cheeks.

"I'm surprised you kept it."

Jerry shrugged. "Why would I throw away a new handkerchief?"

Diana smiled. "You have a good point." She patted the seat next to her.

Jerry removed his cap, sat down, and tucked his hands between his legs. Within seconds, he was fidgeting with the cap's rim. Diana sighed. If she didn't get this out now, she never would.

"I wasn't pretending, Jerry." She shrugged. "This might be hard to understand, but me kissing you and spending time with your family was never really about you and me at all." Jerry scrunched up his face as if he bit a lemon. "I know this will sound dreadful, but it was about me being free to be the person I wanted to be."

"What do you mean?"

"Ever since I was a little girl, my parents talked about sending me to finishing school in Paris. I was to learn needlepoint and piano and how to walk straight and what to say so that I could attract a good husband."

"Why?"

She smiled. "I guess it's my responsibility, just like taking care of the Cuthbert's farm is your responsibility." Diana looked wistfully out at the falling snow. "I never questioned it before, but then I met Anne. She gave me a different perspective."

Jerry furrowed his brow. "Perspective?"

Diana instantly regretted her choice of words. Now was not the time to make Jerry feel ignorant. Though he had done a great job of learning to read and write English, he still had a way to go.

"Perspective means the way people see things," she said. "I always thought I didn't have a choice about my future, but Anne reminded me that this is my life, not my parents'. If I want to go to finishing school, then I should go. If I would rather go to Queen's, then that is what I should do. Anne gave me a new perspective—she helped me realize I have a choice."

"Did your parents like this perspective?"

Diana's eyes widened. "Not at first. They called me selfish and were furious with me." She relaxed her shoulders. "It was Miss Cuthbert who helped my mother understand. I'm truly grateful to her. I don't know if I would have gone to Queen's otherwise."

Jerry's expression lightened as well. His mouth no longer curled into a grimace. He titled his head, as if thinking over something. "So, did you like the kissing?"

Diana's cheeks flushed. "Though it is improper to say so, yes." Jerry sat up straighter and Diana giggled. "You were my first kiss. You don't know how hard it was going to school every day and seeing girls have notices posted on the notice board."

"Notice board?"

"It's a board that used to hang on the Avonlea schoolhouse. Boys would post messages to let the other boys know if they had an interest in a certain girl. Tillie had two boys posting notices about her. She spent the whole last year of school with two boys trying to get her attention."

Jerry laughed. "How many boys posted about you, Diana?"

She lowered her gaze. "None. Ruby had Moody. Anne had Charlie, but no one noticed me. How embarrassing." Diana nibbled her lip. "When you asked to walk me home, I felt special. I didn't need to be noticed, because I had a handsome boy meeting me in the woods to walk me home."

"You are special, Diana."

She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you, Jerry." His eyes widened, and she knew she needed to make it clear where they stood. "I'm not ready to have a beau. I want to complete my studies at Queens and figure out my future. Maybe I will get married. Maybe I will be like the pianist who played at Aunt Jo's soiree; travel the world and impress people with my musical abilities."

Jerry stood. He plunked his cap on his head and rubbed his hands on his pants. "I should get back to work." He picked up the basket and handed it to Diana.

"Thank you," she said. "Jerry, I'm so sorry I hurt you, and I hope you can forgive me."

He lifted his finger in the air. "Hold on." He strolled to the workbench and opened his knapsack. Rifling through it, he pulled out a wad of paper. He held it up to Diana.

She crooked her head. "What's this?"

"Open it."

Inside lay the tiny white poodle figurine with its black collar that he had won for her at the fair.

Diana shook her head. "I can't accept this." She offered it back to him, but he put his palms up to say no.

"Maybe this dog will remind you that you have choices. Qui?"

She smiled. She really wanted to kiss his cheek again, but that might give him the wrong impression. It seemed like all was forgiven, and things would be less awkward between them in the future. As she walked out the door of the barn, Diana lifted her hand to catch falling snowflakes. They soaked into her mitten and disappeared. Grateful Jerry accepted her apology, she looked forward to the Christmas holidays and a few weeks at home before returning to Queen's for next semester. Diana's future lay open before her, and as she tucked the little poodle into the pocket of her coat, she wondered if Jerry and she could ever be more than friends.