XXV:

It was already 10:30 pm when Rafael called his wife from the office. "Hey," he said.

"Yeah, I'm not getting home any time soon," Liv sighed. "The warrants were good, by the way – we got our man, and we've got him in interrogation, which is why I'm not home. Amaro and Rollins are grilling him, and Fin is talking to the little girl. For some reason, she opened up to him."

"Okay – is the girl at least okay?" he asked worriedly.

"She's tired," Liv murmured. "We all are. I just want the fucker to roll over and show his belly so we can charge him and go home. You can't see Bardillo over here, nodding her agreement – she's anxious to get the motions filed so everything gets rolling."

He chuckled. "Bardillo is like a terrier with a bone."

"I want to go home," Liv whined softly.

"Oh, me, too," Rafael agreed. "You wanna be the little spoon?"

"Sounds amazing, Counsellor."

"I know something else that sounds amazing, but –"

"Mr. Barba, not the time," she scolded. "Oh – gotta go." She disconnected, and he was left staring at the dead phone in his hand.

Five minutes later, he got a text from her saying, "Got a full confession on tape. Bardillo sending you a list of charges now for approval."

He got that text on the heels of Liv's text, which, obviously he approved – because Bardillo was nothing if not thorough. She really did love sticking it to someone who deserved it, and this guy deserved it. He was giving final summaries to Joyce for the night when his phone beeped again, drawing his attention to it. "Bear with me," Rafael said, "it's from the missus." He opened the text and his eyes widened – Liv had sent him a shot of a rather flattering angle of herself with a smile and plenty of cleavage from just where she had undone the top two buttons on her blouse, and captioned it, 'I'm hurrying home if you are.' He swallowed hard and looked at his second assistant. "Okay, so… as I was saying –"

"Mr. Barba, what did Sergeant Benson need?" Joyce asked. "Anything in regard to the cases we have open or –"

"Oh, no," he replied – too quickly.

The look on Joyce's face was comical. "Oh," she said. "Well, uh, why don't you head out and I'll get everything pulled together here and anything else will be ready for Carmen to take over in the morning, okay? We should be good – I've got the late library open and a couple people on speed dial if I need anything overnight. Nothing we haven't been doing for the last few years. I get the feeling that you and the missus haven't had much time together lately."

"You could definitely say that," Rafael agreed, the edge in his tone softening. "Even before the promotion and I came back from leave, everything was very tense between us and it shouldn't have been. But it's better now – I hope."

"Good – I really like Sergeant Benson," Joyce said with a smile. "And she's good for you. Keeps you in line."

His eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She raised a brow and smirked a little. "Oh, don't think I haven't been around, Mr. Barba… Brooklyn isn't that far away." She chuckled and grabbed up the pile of files he was holding. "Now, go home. I've got this."

"Thanks, Joyce," he said, throwing a few things into his briefcase and grabbing his trench coat. "I owe you one.

"Just doing my job and keeping it real, Mr. Barba," Joyce replied with a grin. "Now get outta here before your wife blows up your phone."

He took the subway rather than wait for an Uber to show; time, for once, was actually a factor he didn't intend to waste. When he got home, he quickly reset the alarm and turned off the downstairs light, heading up to their bedroom.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey yourself," Liv replied in a very casual tone. "You know, I kind of like Bardillo. Mind if I keep her?"

"Actually, she's more of a straight up homicide law kind of a girl – sex crimes aren't her forte," he replied, loosening his tie. "You just got lucky with this case."

She pouted and sighed. "You just like to dangle very good lawyers under my nose and then yank them away before I can get attached. That's very naughty, Mr. Barba – is that so I don't forget what a good prosecutor I had in you?"

"Are you trying to stroke my ego, Olivia?" he asked, grinning.

"That's not all I'd like to be stroking, but you're all the way over there with all your clothes on."

"Why, Mrs. Barba, are you trying to seduce me?" he inquired softly.

Liv's voice shook nervously as she said, "Is it working?"

He paused in removing his cufflinks and said, "Livvie, mi amor, you don't have to –"

"No, Rafael, I do," she snapped. "I'm sick of living under his thumb, of being scared of you touching me, of being wanted, of… all of it. I want to be wanted, damn it. You are safe; you are my home, my family, and I know you aren't going to hurt me, Rafa."

"You're sure you want to –"

"Yes." The steely determination in her eyes, the stubborn tilt of her jaw didn't match the wavering in her tone, but he knew she was anxious, terrified, even.

"You know I will stop at any time…"

"I know, but you shouldn't have to," she said. "I –"

"Liv, I don't want to push you into something you aren't ready for."

"I am ready," she said. "I don't want you to think that I'm not enough and start looking for –"

"Hey," Rafael interjected gently, "don't even worry about that: you're more than enough to keep me on my toes, mi amor. I promise you're the only one I want."

She smiled a little sadly. "Yeah, well… if I can't give you what you need –"

"Then we both need to take a step back and talk," he said, "because we're equal partners in this marriage, Olivia, and if you think for one second that my needs are more important than yours, you are gravely mistaken."

"So much has happened," she said, "and I'm still afraid you'll wake up one day and decide I'm not worth all the pain –"

"Never going to happen, Liv," he promised. "I'm scared you'll meet someone better, someone who can give you –"

"Rafael, shut your mouth," she snapped. She reached up to stroke his cheek, then ran her fingers through his hair, mussing it. "You've given me the world."

He leaned in and kissed her, gently deepening the kiss when she didn't freeze or fight. Instead, she tilted her weight toward him, all but falling against him in what seemed like a bid for comfort and security – something Rafael was more than willing to try to provide Liv with. So often, she was trying to be the force for good in the world and only when they were alone could she breathe and just be herself again. But ever since William Lewis had turned their lives upside down, she hadn't allowed herself to be truly vulnerable.

He pulled back for just a moment and whispered, "Liv… I love you."

"I love you, too, Rafa," she murmured.

"Can I be blunt?"

"Never stopped you before," she said with a small chuckle.

"I know you're putting on a brave face. I don't want to push you; you're pushing yourself," he said. "I mean, you've given me hand jobs and watched me get myself off and that's okay. I just don't want to do anything you aren't comfortable with –"

"Rafa, when I sent you that text earlier, I… I wanted to come home and celebrate like we used to," she interjected. "Before everything went south. Before we started to question if we should be together –"

He blinked at her, trying to keep the stunned frustration off his face. "Did you really question that?" he asked. "Because I didn't. Not after Eva, and especially not after Lewis. You have to endure the bad fights as well as the good, Liv; it's the only way you'll get stronger."

"Fuck, I should be Atlas by now," she muttered.

"Then budge up, because I'll be right there, shouldering the load with you – it's my burden, too," he whispered, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. "Now… you still want to celebrate a job well done or…?"

She exhaled shakily and murmured, "I think I might have lost my nerve."

He nodded and smiled a little, his lips just barely quirking up at the corner of his mouth. "It's okay – there will always be other times, other days," Rafael promised. "I'm not going anywhere. Tenemos todo el tiempo del mundo mi esposa." He pressed a kiss to her lips and added, "Te amo. Siempre."

She leaned into his embrace and just held on; they stayed like that for several minutes, tired and wholly wrapped up in the soft, gentle promises of each other, only to part to ready for bed. Once under the covers, they found themselves curled up together again, chasing an elusive peace.

"You haven't eaten hardly anything," he said. "Mami brought it over especially –"

"I know, I'm sorry," Liv sighed. "After everything that happened with the Muñoz case and all –"

Rafael tensed. "Yes, well… Alex and Yelina will poison the well and I shouldn't look too hard at running for DA after all," he muttered. "I suppose it's my own fault." He poked at the remaining few bites of food on his plate and added, "You know he accused me of marrying you to appeal to the white majority. As if my ambitions were more important than my marriage. As if I didn't have to live up to your expectations of what a good man should be –"

"Rafa," Liv interjected, "you don't have to live up to my expectations about anything. Only your own."

He laughed bitterly. "I betrayed my oldest friend –"

"You did what you thought was right. That's all."

"Is it all, Olivia? I feel like I cut off my own hand to spite my face." He ran his hand over his face wearily and sighed. "McCoy is pissed as hell."

"He'll get over it; his ego is just wounded," she said, waving her fork in the air. "So… we, ah, got a body last week with homicide – prostitute, particularly vicious murder, clear sexual trauma. Her DNA was in the system from a previous charge: Ellie Porter. Melinda finally had time to run Baby Boy Doe's DNA and it was a hit against Ellie Porter's, so… he has a name. Noah. Noah Porter."

"Is that what's bothering you?" he asked, pushing around the last of the food on his plate.

"No. He was removed from his foster family again today and will be in court tomorrow," Liv sighed.

"Mi amor," Rafael said patiently, "I know you found him and feel responsible for him –"

"He's been in four homes in two months," she interjected.

"Yes, and you're interfering in the case," he said. "I'm sorry – Liv, don't – mi amor, please don't cry."

"He's so little and he doesn't have anyone," Liv said, miserably swiping at her eyes as the tears began to roll down her cheeks. "And here we are, wanting a family, and our hands are tied when we could just – Rafa, it's not fair."

"No, it isn't," he agreed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't make it right, Liv."

"You want to know what's really bothering me?" she asked, swiping at her eyes again. "Apparently, I'm not a good enough leader. They want someone higher ranking in command of SVU. So I'm just a probie until they find a nice warm body with a dick and balls to fill my seat. Isn't that nice? Nothing like getting railed up the ass by the brass because you took down your husband's childhood best friend for being a genuine bad person. Now I'm being punished for being an emotional female. I'm too nice. I don't push hard enough. God forbid –"

"Olivia – mi amor, look at me," Rafael said firmly. "You are exactly what SVU needs. Fuck 1PP. They lack vision and integrity." He reached over and grabbed her hand. "It sucks, yeah, but… everything will work itself out. I promise." He smiled a little. "Did they say how soon they'd have someone coming to –"

"No. Just that it would be happening."

"Well, then," he said. "Now is your chance to run the department the way Olivia Benson thinks it should be run, and fuck anyone who says otherwise. Be a force for good, an instrument for change. Be the best you can be Liv, and make the next guy have to live up to your example." He smiled and added, "Just be you – only with more force."

She smiled back and whispered, "You think that's a good idea?"

"Mi amor, if they fire you, I know a dozen places that are itching to scoop your precious ass right up," he said. "Don't worry for one second about what happens after the NYPD. Be relentless; be Badass Benson. Make sure they know exactly who they're putting in the corner."

"Rafael, you have always been my champion," she said softly. "You're such a feminist icon."

He rolled his eyes. "Mami and abuelita would've beaten it into me if I ever mistreated any woman," he commented dryly, "but it goes double for one who can obviously take care of herself and doesn't need anything from me but my support."

"Don't sell yourself short," Liv said. "I need you always and in all ways, Rafa." She squeezed his hand back and smiled.

He said, "You know what? We're going to get through this, Liv. And we'll be stronger on the other side of it. I'm sorry that I can't make it all go away now, though. I wish I could."

She shook her head. "If we didn't have to work for it, Rafa, would it be as sweet when we get to tell people to shove it?" He spluttered a laugh.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Where are you?" Liv asked anxiously.

"Um, coming out of chambers on a case I can't discuss," Rafael said. "What's wrong?"

"How quickly can you be at 60 Lafayette Street?"

He frowned and looked down at his watch. "Fifteen minutes if I walk quickly. What's going on?"

"Rafael, start walking," Liv insisted. "Judge Linden wants to talk to us. Well, you. Us. About becoming emergency foster parents to Noah Porter."

Even if he hadn't already been on his way down the courthouse steps at that point, he would have hustled faster. "How the hell did you manage to pull that one off?"

"Hell if I know, but she only gave me thirty minutes to produce you and I'm lucky you picked up," Liv said, practically vibrating through the phone. "Rafa – please – just hurry."

He made some quick noise to the affirmative and started the dash between courthouses. It wasn't that he didn't already make the trip between the two buildings a couple of times a week, but it was usually in an Uber or a cab with at least another ADA present – not by himself, with only his briefcase to keep him company.

He was out of breath when he met Liv in the corridor outside of Ruth Linden's chambers, and Liv was chewing nervously on one of her cuticles, pacing. "Sorry, that last stoplight wouldn't turn and I might have jaywalked," he confessed, giving her a quick kiss. "What happened –"

"Noah was removed from another family yesterday," Liv said. "That makes four families. Judge Linden asked me what my interest was, and I told her that I'm co-leading the investigation into his mother's death and was the one to find Noah – and she asked if I'd be interested in emergency fostering him. I said I'd have to ask my husband, and she ordered me to produce him in 30 minutes. So…"

"I'm here, so let's do this," Rafael said firmly. "We're ready for this, Liv."

She smiled shakily and murmured, "It's not a courtroom to win over, Rafa – he's a little boy we're going to have to take care of and love."

"I know," he said, his voice softening in tone.

She pressed their foreheads together and murmured, "I… I don't even want to hope, Raf. It's like a soap bubble, about to burst. I'm scared to breathe."

He gave her a reassuring peck on the lips and whispered, "We'd better get in there."

They broke physical contact and strode into the court room. "Counsellor Barba," Judge Linden called out, "while it's nice to see you again, your expertise isn't in family law and Ms. Benson has no need of representation at this time –"

"Ah, no, my interests are purely selfish, Your Honor," Rafael said with a small smile in Liv's direction. "You see, when my wife calls, I usually come running. It comes with the territory of being married to one of NYPD's finest."

Liv shot him a dirty look, then sighed in exasperation. "What my husband is trying to say is that he was at Centre Street when I called and was able to come quickly," she explained.

Linden was smirking. "I rather like Mr. Barba's telling of it," she said with a chuckle.

He smiled at Liv and rocked on the balls of his feet. "I hear that Noah Porter needs immediate emergency foster care," Rafael said, gently redirecting the conversation.

Linden nodded. "Yes – Sergeant Benson appears at every court hearing, despite her involvement with Mr. Porter's case being tenuous at best…" She paused. "I didn't know that the two of you were married. Why didn't I know that?"

Olivia shrugged delicately. "It's pretty common knowledge now," she said hesitantly. "We've been turned down several times for adoption and fostering due to the nature of our jobs – "

"How long have you been married?" Linden inquired.

"Almost six years," Rafael said. "We own a brownstone on 32nd that already has a full nursery, and supplies for Noah could be acquired within the next 24 hours – hell, my mother and grandmother would fall all over themselves competing for who could bring the most bags on the subway." He made a disparaging snort, and Liv held back a cackle. Even the social worker bit back a laugh.

"Mrs. Barba –"

"It's Benson," Liv said softly. "I never changed my name." She reached over and held Rafael's hand loosely, tangling their fingers together in a nervous manner.

"Ms. Benson – if you and Mr. Barba were to have a child of your own…"

"We can't," Rafael interjected. "Have children of our own. Not anymore." The nervous grip became tighter, and he wanted to spare her the humiliation. "We lost our little girl."

Olivia swallowed hard and said, "We know what it means to even be considered to be Noah's emergency foster family, Your Honor. I just don't want you to think for even a second that we're trivializing it."

"I don't think that, Ms. Benson. I do worry about the hours that you and Mr. Barba keep –"

"We will take FMLA," Rafael said firmly. "And utilize that time to find appropriate child care for when we return to work. I have no intention of allowing just anyone to care for anyone in my custody."

"Since this is an emergency order, I don't think it would be out of line to see your home as it is right now," Linden said, "in the presence of Mr. Porter's social worker."

"Fine by me," Rafael replied. "I'll even pay for the Uber." He winked at Liv, knowing that his insistence on keeping the house spotless was going to come in handy. There was some small talk in the car on the way to the house, then a quick tour of the premises, and some photos snapped by the judge and social worker for their records.

Linden nodded and said, "Unofficially, I am granting the emergency fostering order. Officially, we'll do it in chambers and sign paperwork. Ms. Gardner, will you be able to bring Noah to the house this afternoon?"

"How about she meets me at the 16th Precinct?" Liv suggested. "I'll need to tell my Captain why I'm taking leave." She had been spitting mad when Declan Murphy had shouldered his way into SVU until he had made it clear that he wasn't out to get her, he was only there to lightly hold the reigns and direct them. "And that way, we can pave the way."

"Of course – now, let's head back," Linden said. "Also, I will recommend that you retain a lawyer to represent Noah's interests, since Mr. Barba's specialty is not family law. Not to mention, if you intend to pursue adoption of the boy in a year's time – seeing as how I don't intend to remove him from your guardianship if there are no incidents."

Rafael flashed her a grin. "So we're really doing this?" he asked the judge softly. "You're giving us this chance when no one else would –"

"I see something in the two of you that I hope to god can be nurtured into a happy, healthy home for that little boy," Linden said. "He hasn't had much luck in that department. Don't let me down, Mr. Barba. I know your reputation in the courtroom –"

"He's an entirely different person at home," Liv interjected.

"You wouldn't have married him if he wasn't, Ms. Benson," Linden commented wryly.

Liv had the grace to blush and duck her head shyly before peeking out at him between her lashes. He thought it might have been the most adorable thing he'd ever seen her do, and it just made him fall that much harder in love with her. Not that it was difficult: he was already head over heels.

"Yo, Barba," Fin barked, "you know your girl's got a baby in here?"

"Yeah, that's why I'm here early for pick-up," Rafael said with a smile, heading over to Liv's desk. She was busy notating a file with her right hand while Noah was sleeping, curled up in the crook of her left arm. "Hey," he greeted. "It's five-fifteen."

"Is it?" she murmured. "Can I finish this? Do you want to take him for a minute?"

"Sure," he said, accepting the sleeping infant into his arms. "How did it go with Murphy?"

"I have five weeks, plus another two if I tack on vacation," Liv said. "How did it go with McCoy?"

"I have two weeks, plus I can add on vacation if I need to," he replied. "Totally worth it." He smiled down at the chubby baby. "Can you believe –"

"I might have told your mom to come for dinner tonight and bring abuelita, too – and we can just order in something," Liv said as she finished scribbling in the file. "And we can go shopping in the morning. We have enough basic supplies to get through the night. I hope."

"Holy fuck, we're parents," Rafael said with a slightly panicked laugh.

She looked up at him and smiled. "You're the best papi Noah could ask for," Olivia murmured. "So don't stand there looking like you're going to drop him on his head, okay?"

"God, could you two be a little less nauseating over there? I'm going to upchuck," Rollins groused.

TBC...