Conquering the East Blue had been way easier than Buggy the Clown ever expected.

Maybe he should thank his navigator for pulling him into a race war over a tiny unimportant island? After all, when all was said and done, he did get to absorb all those captain-less fishmen into his own crew, so it all worked out in the end. Somehow, purely by chance, he figured, everything past that worked in his favour.

All things considered, his current status as "Ruler of the East Blue" wasn't bad. He could live with that. Terrorizing Orange Town was fun, but this is just as great. As long as the marines didn't catch wind of his secret reign, he was probably fine.

...Man, if that Arlong guy hadn't thought he could swallow a Buggy Ball (patent tending), he might have croaked right then and there.

Whatever! If that bastard wanted to die, sure! What did Buggy care? He was master of (one of the four) seas!

It was in this state of mind, relaxing as any true ruler should, that one of Funan Bros approached him, wringing his hands uncertainly. "-Um, Buggy-sama?"

Buggy waited a few moments before answering, moving his body to sit upright in his throne on the middle of deck (none of these greenhorns knew what Emperor he was imitating). He leaned his upper body, letting his impressive cape shift, and peeked one eye open. "-What is it?"

Before him stood the circus-themed pirate, confused and uncertain over something Buggy didn't really care for. Unless a high-ranked marine showed up, or Shanks came to visit, Buggy seriously didn't care.

"There's a marine vessel approaching, Buggy-sama, and we're not sure-,"

Buggy's eyes flared open. "-M-, marines?" He really tried to keep the panic out of his voice, but it was hard. If there was one thing that scared him more than high-ranked marines and the ghosts of the past, it was marines. He cleared his throat, avoiding the gaze of his confused subordinate. "State the matters. What kind of vessel?"

The Funan Bro scratched his neck, "um, it might be better you took a look yourself, sir."

Buggy was about to bark something at his uncooperative underling when the man in question thrust a pair of binoculars into his gloved hands, pointing out over the seas. The implication was obvious, and Buggy could do nothing but scowl and stand up, peering out over the waters at whatever had been noticed.

It was a marine ship alright. But it was kinda… small?

Barely the size of a regular ship, it seemed more like a leisure caravan than anything the marines would ever approve of. It was painted alright, but with that sheep figurehead, Buggy just couldn't take it seriously. It looked like the kind of ship a kid dreaming of becoming a marine would come up with.

Squinting harder, Buggy was allowed a bit of an insight, namely a look at the captain of the ship.

Young, barely of age. Wearing that stupid marine-cap and a stupid pair of blue overalls and a stupid grin. Short sleeves, one of those blue weird ties that isn't a tie… Still, compared to the few other members aboard, he seemed to be the most mature one. In other words, this person was ranked higher than the others, but on a ship like that, he might as well be a Chief Petty Officer.

A small fish in an even smaller pond.

"-You forced me to stand to look at THIS?" Buggy asked, genuinely perplexed by the actions of his subordinate. He'd thought them a bit more clever than this, but what can you expect from a man who willingly dressed up as an acrobat to roam the seas?

The man gulped. "Well, uh, sir, the newest recruits-" he must have meant those former marines from that marine base they'd raided, "-they wanted to see the so-revered Buggy-sama in action, and-,"

"-FOOL!" Buggy sneakily dislodged two fingers to make his cape billow threateningly, "the king doesn't fight where a pawn could clear the table! Tell them to prepare for battle instead!"

Although Buggy could take a fight if he was thrown into one, he'd rather leave his crew to do most of the work. He was kind of lazy like that, but that's life.

The man stumbled back, proving that Buggy's threatening had actually worked. "S-, sorry sir, but-,"

"-BUT." Another man stepped out from the shade of the mast, having observed the situation long enough. One hand gripping the axe merged with his other arm, he let his gaze fall on his new captain. "-If you do not prove your might, I will not follow you." A dangerous glint shot through his sharp eyes. "As a matter of fact, I might just try and take your position for myself."

Great, one of the newbies was of the rebellious sort. Just what he needed. Buggy clicked his tongue. Well, as they say, nip it in the bud. If you can't turn a man to your side by saving him, just prove you're too far above them for them to be rebellious.

...Oh well. Guess he'll make an example out of these small-timers. Who the hell let them out on the seas unchecked anyways? Buggy might have felt a bit bad for them if he wasn't about to pound them into the dust using overwhelming force.

"...Get us closer to that damn caravan," Buggy growled. The Funan Bro nodded and ran off to complete the order.

For some reason, Buggy couldn't bring himself to grin facing the soon-to-be destruction of marine property.

For some reason.

This was great. Sure, Usopp had made a point of telling the most outlandish stories about the world, but when all was said and done, he was happy right here in his home sea.

Not that he could go anywhere else if he wanted to. When it came to joining the marines, there was a big difference between being marine material and officer material. Usopp considered himself lucky just to be a Master Chief Petty Officer. He'd worked for that title for two long years, ever since a passing marine vessel saved him from true, actual pirates, but even then, he knew he didn't have the constitution to get any further.

He was happy right here, right here on the Going Merry, right here with the former Usopp pirates. Heh. To think he'd once wanted to be a pirate. Like his father.

Usopp's grip on the railing tightened. Yeah, right. Maybe it was best he kept to these small waters. Kept away from the grand line. From all those big fish that could swallow him in one gulp. But he couldn't stay away from small-timer pirates. No, it was his duty as captain of this ship to make sure the reports of missing ships and conquered islands were true, and he had now noticed the ship of a notorious local pirate.

Buggy the Clown. Usopp only recognized the man himself from the big, giant, colossal red nose stuck smack-dab in the middle of his face like a misplaced juggling ball.

The man himself stood atop the railing of his impressive ship, legs wide and arms crossed. Did he want to talk or something? Going by the way he was staring Usopp straight in the eye, he sure did seem like he wanted to say something. An audience with a pirate. Could Usopp wish for anything worse?

"Cap', should we do something?" one of Usopp's dozen or so recruits asked. Usopp turned to him, and shook his head. No, something here was up, and he would rather not shoot a canon in the face of someone who might be willing to surrender.

A man dressed up as a mime suddenly appeared on the deck of the pirate ship, standing beside Buggy with a megaphone in hand.

"-HARK!" a voice rang out over the seas, loud enough to reach the Going Merry and ever beyond, "you are in the presence of the great, all-mighty, immortal Buggy the Clown!"

That was one way to say it. The man himself nodded at being referred to so grandly.

And then Buggy grabbed the megaphone. He poked it a few times, letting white noise explode out of the speaker, and then put it to his face. "Ah-, yeah. That's me! Bow or be destroyed!"

Usopp stared at him for a few moments and turned to his seaman college. "-Grab me the megaphone."

The clown captain handed the megaphone back to the mime. "Be joyous to hear his voice! Be joyous to know you are to be allowed an audience with the fantastical Buggy-sama, of the one-on-all-of-youse variety! Winner takes all, loser has to fall!"

That stopped Usopp in his tracks. He slowly accepted the megaphone from his subordinate and turned to the circus-themed pirate ship. "Sorry, we don't negotiate with terrorists." Ka-chk, Usopp turned the megaphone back off.

"Y-, you!" Usopp could hear Buggy sputter indigenously all the way from his ship before robbing his mime of his megaphone. "You listen up here, buster! I'm doing you a kindness just by not blowing you into the New World with one of my yet-to-be-patented Buggy Balls!"

He was right, sort of. In a weird way, Usopp was happy they hadn't just gotten onto the fighting straight off the bat. Usopp was perfectly happy just talking it out. Two years of marine training aside, fighting still wasn't his strong suit, though he didn't exactly have any other strong suits to speak of… Except for his charms, that is.

"What, uh, what exactly do you want, then?"

"Are you deaf or daft or both?!" Buggy roared into the megaphone, forcing it to sputter out some static not-noises that made Usopp's ears ring. "We'll have a duel! I'll fight all of you, and you'll fight all of just me! How can this possibly be a bad thing for you?!"

He brought up a fair point. The most common sort of fight between marines and pirates were the crew vs crew variety, which often resulted in a great loss of men on both sides. It wasn't often that an all-out flight was a possibility, and even if it was, it didn't reflect well on the marines as a whole. That was off the table.

All of Usopp's forces against just Buggy… he could do that. "Yeah, okay, sure."

"Y-, you-, that's it? No bartering for your souls?! You are fools to think you'll survive! I'll mop the deck with you! I'll grab the lot of you, stick you in a swashbuckle, and I'll-,"

Usopp poked the megaphone much like Buggy had mere minutes ago and brought it back up to his face. "No take-backsies?" The obvious here went unsaid. Usopp knew his own limits and the limits of his small crew and small ship. He wasn't a fool, he knew from just a look at Buggy's overwhelmingly large ship that the Going Merry could be sunk in a jiffy. It was a miracle they weren't dead yet, and getting a chance like this is…

Usopp swallowed his fears and doubts. He wasn't one for fighting, he didn't have the constitution. But he was stronger than his men, and they had to live.

"Of course there'll be no take-backsies! If I lose, which I won't, you'll be free to go! We won't attack, will we, boys?"

"""YEAH!"""

"Alright! Hoist down the Monkey!" With that rallying cry, a small rowboat painted like a monkey was let down into the calm waters, with Buggy himself following closely behind, hopping into it without any of his underlings following along. Apparently, the pirate would be staying true to his promise. Maybe.

Hopefully.

Somehow, the boat rowed itself through means Usopp couldn't understand, but it didn't matter. Soon enough, the little boat containing the imposing captain had docked beside the Going Merry, and everything felt very odd. For some reason, Usopp couldn't bring himself to fear the dread-captain. He felt… oddly calm, really, despite the upcoming battle.

"Do you want us to throw down a ladder or-," and then, with that starting shot, Buggy was off.

Forget a rope ladder, he flew out of the little rowboat without any sort of help whatsoever! One might have been tempted to think he was being carried by strings, soaring into the air with his arms and legs spread wide, but going by his flexibility, such a thing was impossible.

"Watch this, hayseed!" Buggy mocked, materializing two-thirds of a dozen throwing knives into his hands, a sneer thrown on his face for good measure.

Usopp cursed at his folly. "Draw your weapons! We've got a DF!" Usopp himself grabbed his trusty slingshot. Even though his superiors and governing officers had all told him to use a real gun, whenever possible, he still went for the slingshot instead. It had better flexibility in a fight, and it reminded him of his resolve.

"YESSIR!" his subordinates called out, most drawing swords while others went for their firearms.

It turned out quite quickly that Buggy was entirely immune to any sort of cutting, and if he could see the gun fired at him, he could easily dodge it. Usopp's group of greenhorns couldn't handle it in the least. The worst off got a knife thrown in a random limb, and the less-badly-off got a finger in their eye or just outright got slugged in the face. He was a flurry of limbs and knives, and Usopp was captivated. His hands trembled, but he didn't know why. He'd been in battle before. He'd seen a Devil Fruit user and what they could do. This wasn't anything new, so…

Why did he feel so weird? That competitive grin on Buggy's face, showing off his peerless confidence and experience.

A man with an unparalleled body and the wit to use it.

It set Usopp's heart ablaze.

A knife whizzed past his face and Usopp was brought back to the here and now. Buggy sneered at him triumphantly, his red-and-blue make-up twisting along the ridges of his features. Beneath him, all of Usopp's forces laid battered and bloody. Their wounds weren't enough to kill them, it almost seemed like he'd avoided hitting their vitals, but…

Usopp didn't look at them. To his shame, to his revulsion, his entire attention laid on Buggy himself.

"Well? Do you accept defeat?" he jeered, juggling a knife in one hand.

Usopp drew his lips tight, hoping Buggy wouldn't notice the flush overtaking his cheeks. "Only in death."

This battle, this battle between them where Usopp's smouldering heart grew despairing and roared, this battle was short. It was a battle of captains, but Usopp felt more like an ant being trampled by an elephant. Soundly defeated, open wounds scattered his trembling body. He fell to his knees, the shadow of his blood-stained cap falling over his face. He felt hot inside. Hot in the head, hot in the heart. His chest was a furnace of all the wrong flames, forging a weapon of disdain.

A knife found its way beneath his chin, the tip of it almost slitting his throat open. But it didn't. Instead, his head was raised, chin tilted, banishing the shade of his cap. He looked up, and there stood Buggy.

Somehow, he didn't seem happy. His cape, draped so gingerly over his shoulders, seemed forlorn where it billowed. Unhappy in the pride it presented.

"...Do you accept defeat?" Buggy repeated, his voice soft. Usopp blinked slowly. His eyes moved, turning from the pirate and onto his defeated crew. They were alive for now, but that might not last forever.

He looked back to Buggy. "-Yes," he croaked. "I accept defeat."

Buggy hesitated for a moment. Neither side moved.

Then, Buggy removed the knife from beneath Usopp's chin, grabbed the megaphone off of the floor, and climbed atop the railing. "-They admit defeat!"

From the other ship, a chorus of "yeah!" and "whoo!" rung out, excited roars after witnessing the curb-stomp of the century. "Kill them!" someone called out, louder than the rest, "leave no survivors!"

Buggy's grin faltered for a moment. He cast a quick glance at Usopp, his eyes softening immensely, and then he turned back to the group. A beat passed. "-Let's tie them up and leave their pride in shambles!"

Silence. On Buggy's ship, his crew exchanged glances, confusion laying a wet blanket over the whole party. Until…

"""-YEAH!"""

Apparently, the mere idea of sending a personal letter to the marines, one stating that these people were so far below them that they didn't even deserve death, was enough to excite the crowd once more.

Usopp didn't witness what happened between his being tied to the mast of the Merry and waking up in the infirmary of a larger marine ship.

All he knew when he woke up was that he had been defeated.

His heart ached weirdly.