Chapter 1: Oceans

I'm cold.

Not the, "I need a sweater its kinda chilly outside," kind of cold. A deep, penetrating kind of cold that chills you down right to the bone has set in, and I can't feel my toes. In fact, besides the cold, I can't feel anything at all- I can't feel my fingers or my legs, and my mouth won't open. My eyes blink open, and I realize I'm in the freezing cold Pacific water of First Beach, the icy water reaching my mid-thigh. The sky is overcast, grey clouds filling the sky the way it always does here in perpetually rainy La Push. Somehow, I know its winter, which means it's far too dangerous to go into open water in the off-season. I can hear the echoes of schoolteachers, trusted adults, and the Council saying, "Do not go in the ocean if you feel your teeth chatter on the shore. And never, ever go alone."

I'm alone. I'm breaking the rules. I never break the rules.

For some reason, I find myself slowly going deeper and deeper in. I can't stop myself, even though my mind is screaming to stop, to go home, to go where it's safe. The water is getting colder and colder, and I'm now submerged up to my elbows. I still can't feel anything, but my eyesight is blurred with tears. Tears from the freezing temperature, or tears from something else, I'm not sure. My breathing rasps and I don't feel like I can inhale enough air, and I start to panic. The waves are choppy and I know it's only a matter of time before one overwhelms me, and I am completely underwater.

"Stop. You don't have to go any further. You're too far in already, let's get away from here," says a deep, stern voice. I look around, and even though my eyes are filled with tears that have yet to fall and my body is shutting down, I know exactly who it is.

Behind me stands the boy-the man- I've harbored a crush on since I was a little girl. A boy who probably doesn't even remember my name, a boy I've watched grow older over the course of our lives who has always sat across me and my siblings at each tribal meeting, a boy I've only dared to stare at through the smoke and heat of the bonfire flames.

Jacob Black.

"Didn't you hear me? You'll catch your death out here. Let's go," he says, slight impatience lacing through his words. I look directly into his eyes, where I can swear I can see everything about him, his life, his dreams, from a simple stare. And as I stare at him, I take another step in. The water now reaches just below my shoulder blades, and I can see the winter waves getting larger and rougher in the distance. His eyes flicker from shock to determination, and in a flash, he grabs my hand. Instantly, I feel warmer and my body feels like it's coming back to life.

"You don't have to go any further in. You and me, let's go back. Things will be different now, you don't have to be cold anymore. I'm not letting you go underwater," he says gently. I'm barely conscious of what my body is doing, but as I look at the ocean and then back into his eyes, I squeeze his hand back.

He smiles and his eyes soften.

As he pulls you by the hand back to the beach, you can feel your mouth again, and he turns back to look at you.

"Jacob, I-"

A rough shove jerked me over the side of my bed, and in a panic, my eyes launched open and I gasped in terror. Quickly taking in my surroundings, I came to the sad realization that I am not at First Beach with the boy of my dreams, but in my bedroom at home. Alarm clock blaring, I quickly slammed my hand down on the stupid metal clock and stumble out of my lilac-colored sheets, which are…wet?

"Oh Jacob….oh Jacob! You're the love of my life, Jacob, I wanna marry you Jac-oomph!"

My cheeks turned bright red as I realize my idiot twin brother is laying on the floor buried under my white, quilted comforter with an empty glass clutched in his hands. My eyes darted around, trying to piece together what was going on when I realize that like every morning over the last few weeks, Seth has been sent in here to wake me up for school and as the self-proclaimed "master prankster" of the family, just poured ice water on me and tore my blanket off of my poor, sleeping body. Staring down at my soaking wet pajamas, my brother erupted from under the blanket laughing deep, belly laughs at me and all my discombobulation.

"Shut up, Seth! I…I never said that, stop making things up and leave!" I seethed at him, only for him to falsely compose himself and hold his hands up in fake surrender. My eyes narrowed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know, I know…but you really were saying his name, though…again! Gracie's gotta crush, a crush on the Jacob Black, ooooh la la!" Seth singsongs with a laugh. My cheeks, if possible, became even more enflamed and I knew any attempt at defending myself was a wasteful effort since Seth always knew when I was lying.

Some call it twin intuition, I call it a nuisance and a curse from birth.

Taking a look back at my alarm clock, I realized it was WAY past my normal wake-up time, and school started in thirty minutes. Panic surged inside me as I ransacked my closet for my school uniform and ran a brush through my extremely tangled hair. No time for a shower, no time for breakfast, no time no time no time, I thought to myself in an anxiety-riddled loop as I tore apart my room looking for my blazer. A toothbrush practically scraped my gums as a steady stream of toothpaste ran down my chin onto my blouse. God, can things get literally any worse?

I can't find my blazer, I'm definitely wearing two different shoes, and I look like I've been attacked by a feral animal, but I flew down the stairs into the kitchen to grab an apple so I can head to the bus.

"Grace what's taking so-woah, slow down!" exclaimed my mom, who was sitting at the kitchen table with my dad and my sister Leah, who I can only assume either decided to make a rare appearance at breakfast today or was dragged out of her room by Seth like me.

"I can't, I'm late, I'm like, really late I gotta…" I trailed off as my eyes scanned the kitchen and the living room for my blazer. Where the hell is it? My dad, raising his head above the newspaper currently draped across his lap, but never lifting his eyes from his favorite daily column, cleared his throat to get my attention. Frantically looking and paying him no mind, I flipped over every couch cushion, muddled through the basket of clothes waiting for laundry, and nearly knocked over the armchair running through the house. My hand raked through my messy, slept-on hair as I tried to gather my bearings. I am so screwed, I can't help but think to myself.

My dad, coughing obviously for about the third time, finally caught my attention and I gazed over at him and standing in the doorway was Seth, smirking haughtily to himself as he held my blazer over his shoulder. "Looking for this, Gracie?" he joked, obviously very proud of himself for managing to irritate me not once, but twice over the course of a single hour. My eyes narrowed at him and I launched forward. "Seth, I do not have time for this I am late and I'm gonna miss the bus give that back you piece of-"

"Hey hey everyone SIMMER down! Grace, you've already missed the bus so your father is going to have to drive you to school…don't give me that look I'm sure he's not enthusiastic about having to do this for the FIFTH day in a row either…and Seth I'm not sure why you're laughing, you're late too so you're going along with them," my mom said in the tone I have come to know as the tone that means "this is not up for negotiation" as she saw my disappointment. Seth's smirk fell for a split second, but reappeared in a flash and I can tell just from the look on his face that he's about to share my…apparent sleeptalking…with everyone at the table. I glared at him with raw fury in my face and we stared each other down, my reddened cheeks and scowl contrasting with his carefree smile and knowing eyes. Just as his mouth opened to out me and my nightly activities to my family, he smiled, pretended to zipper his mouth closed, and gave me a wink.

I've just done you a favor, he said to me without even speaking. You owe me one.

Once again, this twin intuition is much more of a curse than a blessing.

My father rose slowly from the table with a groan, and I can tell I'll probably get a lecture in the car on the way to school about my unfortunate new habit. I nervously glance over at my sister, who was staring at the wooden table like it has personally offended her, a plate full of eggs and bacon untouched in front of her. "Hey Lee-Lee," I said, my eyes looking anywhere else but at her as I nervously awaited her reaction. Her head snapped up and her eyes are full of fire. "Don't talk to me," she practically growled. Disappointed but not surprised, I nodded my head and gave my mom a quick kiss on the cheek as I headed towards the front door. Seth was already there, grinning and extending my bookbag towards me. A peace offering…at least just for the car ride, his eyes say. I rolled my eyes in silent response but I held the door open for him to show a gesture of good faith. He beams at me.

I called shotgun as always, since my school is farther away from Seth's and I tend to feel carsick if I sit in the back of our well-loved SUV for too long. Unlike my brother (and my sister who recently graduated), I don't go to the Tribal School. When I was in second grade, my teacher at the time noticed that I was a bit…above the academic curve, and after many meetings, hours of testing, and a lot of crying on my part, my parents and the Tridbal School decided that Renton Prep had more facilities for me "to grow." I'm the only one from the reservation who attends, which has become the shared brag among the council and my family since I'm the smart one making the Quileute Tribe proud.

As much as I appreciated the scholarship funds, the overwhelming…support…from my friends and family, and the incredible education I'm receiving, Renton is a lonely place for me. I'm the only non-white student, I'm not rich, and I have to put in ten times more work than I did when I went to public school. I'm on the track team, I'm a straight A student, and I'm well-liked by my teachers-my peers tolerate me, and I try to get through each day without calling any more unnecessary attention to myself than my physical appearance already garners.

"You've slept in again today, Grace," my dad said, never taking his eyes off the road and startling me from my thoughts. I pushed my hair back nervously. "Yeah, I guess I've just been really tired lately…you know how it is, lots of work at school," I replied nonchalantly. I saw Seth raise an eyebrow in the rearview mirror, and as he noticed me looking at him, mouths Jake and makes an exaggerated kissy face. I quickly darted my eyes away and glanced over at my dad, who's forehead has scrunched up in the way it always does whenever he's stressed. "Your mother and I are getting worried. We think maybe it's time to go back to the doctor, make sure you're okay and that nothing's wrong," he said gently. I huffed in my seat, sliding down and crossing my arms over my chest. "I'm fine, I promise! I've just had a lot of work to do, I want to make sure I'm prepared for my exams and I've been staying up a little bit later to study," I exclaimed. After the last few times of going to the doctor only to find out that I'm completely fine, I don't want to waste any more time or money on unnecessary tests and bloodwork. I was fine then, I'm fine now.

"Oh really? Because you fell asleep around 8 last night and slept for a straight 12 hours," Seth piped up unhelpfully from the backseat.

"Well…I guess I'm just trying to get back on a normal sleeping schedule."

"Oh really?...Could it be that you just want extra time to dream…so you can dream of your lover-"

"Seth, if you don't shut up-"

We bickered back and forth until my dad pulled up to the tribal school, which I'm sure was just as much of a relief for him as it is for me. Seth jumped out and adjusted his backpack, and as I glanced at him waving at me as he walked towards the front doors, he puckered his lips and clasped his hands together next to his face like an old Hollywood starlet, and unfortunately for me he is just out of reach where I can't smack him. Seeing my face flush again, the desired result of his antics, he walks with a little more pep in his step knowing he successfully embarrassed me.

The next 15 minutes of the car ride were mostly silent besides a few musings about the weather and music on the radio, until we pulled up to Renton Prep and I prepared myself for another day of nonstop work. Just as I started to open the car door, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning around, I looked at my dad, who's face looked concerned and more weathered than I've ever seen it. "Grace, I know you don't want to hear it from me or your mom and I know you don't like…change. But I just wanna say, before you go in there, it's okay to take a few things off your plate. I don't want you overworking yourself and losing out on all the fun you should be having. You're fourteen years old, you shouldn't be as stressed as a grown adult," he said softly. Out of nowhere, my eyes start to well up and I smile back at him. I'm not sure where these tears came from because I'm not…I'm not sad, and I definitely didn't want to worry him. "Dad, I promise I'm okay. Just a lil' tired, nothing to be worried about. I…I just need to work really hard to get into college and keep up with my classes and track and I just want to make you guys proud, okay?" I replied in a rush, trying to keep my tear-clogged voice level. If anything, he looked even more worried, and he lifted my chin with his finger so I had no choice but to really look at him. He assessed me quietly for a minute, and then smiled gently. "Grace, honey, I need you to know…I need you to know that I'm always proud of you. We're always proud of you. We don't need you to be anyone else but who you are, and that's enough. I want you to enjoy high school, enjoy being young Grace, life is too short for you to worry this much," he said with a smile. My eyes shifted quickly to my lap, afraid that these unexpected tears would fall and nothing I say would reassure him. I leaned forward and gave him as tight a hug as the middle console would allow and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks, Dad. Really, thanks. I've gotta go…um…make sure you eat something healthy for lunch, alright? I caught you eating some bacon behind that newspaper and you know what the doctor said about your heart! Love you!" I exclaimed as I practically launched myself out of the car. Like always, he gave me a fond eyeroll and waved me off.

School, as always, was absolutely exhausting, and coach made me run extra laps at track practice because he thought I was "distracted." Which, quite frankly, was true, but I didn't think it was as apparent to the people around me at school as it was at home. My thoughts kept going back to last night's dream and the reappearance of Jacob Black, the most common guest star in most of my nightly fantasies. What did any of that mean, and why was he always there? Did it even matter why, especially with those warm, big hands of his and that wide, happy grin of his, and his-

Just as I opened the front door, I could hear heated voices and arguing. Like my oversleeping, the evening arguments at our house have become more and more frequent. Leah's constant misery over her breakup with Sam a.k.a. "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named" and his recent…coupling…with our cousin Emily has escalated her behavior from depression to complete, unadulterated rage. Her tantrums were bad enough on their own, but more recently they have been further aggravated by Seth and his anger at her behavior. My twin, for as long as we've been alive, has practically adopted pacifism as a personal philosophy and hated fighting of any kind, but that hasn't stopped him from facing our sister head-on. It was a nonstop cycle of fighting and screaming and punching holes in the wall, and my parents usually forced me to go upstairs and put my headphones on so I could do my homework in peace. But I could hear everything going on anyway, I could hear the cursing and the glass breaking and my parents pleading for them to stop.

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! YOU'RE A DUMB, NAÏVE LITTLE KID AND AN IMMATURE BRAT!"

"EVERYBODY'S RIGHT ABOUT YOU! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, YOU NEED TO GET OVER IT! HE BROKE UP WITH YOU MONTHS AGO! IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON!"

Just as I opened the door, the fighting came to a screeching halt and everyone glanced my way. Exchanging last, heat-filled glances, Leah and Seth both huffed and marched their way to their rooms, both slamming their doors.

"Uh…hi?" I said nervously, trying to disrupt the silence left behind by my sibling's confrontation. My mom's head was in her hands at the kitchen counter, and my dad's mouth was set in a grim line making him look much older than he is. His face was a little pale...and when did his hair get so grey, anyway? "Is…Is everything okay in here?" I asked unsurely, knowing that nothing that just happened was okay at all, but still needing some assurance that this is normal, everything is fine. My mom raised her head and tried to wipe her face discreetly, and she simply nodded. "Yeah honey, why don't you go on upstairs and get started on your homework?" she asked in an artificially-level voice. My dad didn't say anything at all.

I started heading upstairs, and I wasn't sure what I should do or where to go- should I go in and check on Seth? Maybe peek in on Leah? Go straight to my room and listen to my playlist and pretend that everything is completely, 100 percent, okay? Force my siblings into a padded room to fight it out for 24 hours until they've gotten out all of their problems and we can resume back to our everyday lives and act like none of the last few weeks has happened?

That last choice was definitely the most appealing, but I could feel my "twin intuition" telling me something was wrong with Seth, that he needed comfort and someone to talk to. Grimacing, I tiptoed over to his door and knocked quietly on the door.

No one answered. I know he's in there.

I knocked a little louder to no avail once again, and as I motioned my hand to rap on the door once more, my arm was caught in mid-air as the door swung open. My brother's face was unreadable, and he stared at me in a way I've never seen him look at me before. It was like I'm not his twin sister, but a stranger who was inconveniencing him and stepping on his territory. My arm was still in his grasp, and I began to notice he was squeezing tighter and tighter to the point where it was becoming painful. "Seth, what…let go of my arm" I said sternly. I could see his jaw clench and his grasp didn't loosen, and I actually felt weirdly nervous. Something was definitely wrong here.

"Seth, I'm not going to tell you again, let go of me," I said again, trying to pull my arm back towards me. His eyes narrowed at me and a sneer passed over his face, an expression so unfamiliar to me and uncharacteristic of him that I felt my heart beat a little faster with anxiety. I pulled with all my might and finally, he let me go. Just as quickly as an expression of fury appeared, the atmosphere calmed down and Seth looked at me apologetically. "G-Grace…Grace I'm sorry…I don't know why I-"

"What was that?! What is wrong with you?" I whispered hotly. My arm was sore, and I didn't even know what to make of the situation as I gently rubbed the place where his fingers held me. He looked stricken, and he rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he glanced between me and the floor. His mouth gaped open as he searched for an answer, and then shrugged in confusion. I frowned concernedly, and any plan I had to comfort him has come to a halt. I can literally feel my body tense with frustration and disappointment. "Just letting you know, mom and dad look…like…upset downstairs. I don't know what's gotten into you or what's gotten into Leah but you both need to stop. Dad looks like he's going to be sick and if you guys just…I dunno...held it together, maybe we could just act like a normal family for once," I said coldly, spinning on my heel towards my room.

I could feel my heart sink at the fact that I just snapped at my own twin as I open my bedroom door. We have never, ever fought, and while we constantly bicker and get on each other's nerves, nothing like this has ever happened between us. What was going on? All of this hostility…this rage…it feels like it's appeared out of nowhere, and I felt like there was something I was missing. It felt kind of like when everyone laughs at an inside joke that you're not in on- except there was absolutely nothing funny about this.

Just as I closed the door behind me, the tension flooded out of me and I felt the familiar weird dizziness that's been plaguing me every night come over me. I practically stumbled over to my bed, eyes blurry and head aching. The twinkly lights hanging above my headboard were appearing in and out of focus, and my purple walls and hardwood floor were spinning. I could feel nausea settling in my stomach and just as I reached over to my nightstand to grab the glass of water I left the night before, my vision completely cut out and I fell fast asleep.

Author's Notes: Thank you all for reading chapter 1! For those of you who need a little bit more background to who Grace is and what's going on, Grace is Seth's twin and Leah's little sister. I'm basing a lot of her characterization and appearance off of Boo-Boo Stewarts sister in real life, Fivel Stewart. Please keep reading along, I would love to hear your comments and questions!

Also, there might be some issues with past-present phrasing in this chapter, but I don't believe this should be a big problem the rest of the story so please hang in there!

Love,

Fairylight2003