You probably don't know me. My name is Ninja Cat. As you can see I am of the feline persuasion and I partake in the practice of nijary.
I am the best at what I do.
Countless people have died of unexplained reasons. People have gone missing. People have even made extreme change of heart decisions. And all of that is of my doing.
You see, when I was but a kitten I had a ball of yarn. Many kittens share this luxury. But my yarn was special. Not only was it multicolored with rainbow accents, but it wasn't a ball of yarn at all. It was a bomb.
Evacuate the building! We have to get everyone out of here!
Melisa! Melisa where are you!
Maam we have to get you out of here!
No my baby is still here somewhere, I don't know where she is!
There's no time, one of the responders will find her, but you have to leave NOW!
The poor woman was dragged away by the security gaurd. She looked bad in terror watching the mall become an empty chamber. An empty chamber of doom baby.
So everyone's outside right, the security people are trying to get everyone to move even further back from the mall, and you know they're right. At this point no one knows what's going on or how dangerous of an explosion could be coming.
Flashback to forty years ago:
I sure am tired of Adam Sandler movies.
The woman who said that was covered in ketchup. She was also eating ketchup. It was very gross.
End of flashback.
Melisa! Come out sweety! Oh god! Can't somebody do anything!
A tall figure masked in darkness emerges from the crowd of onlookers.
"At your service madam."
It was none other than... Me.
Ninja Cat is here to save the day.
"What seems to be the problem maam?"
"My daughter is lost somewhere in the mall, and we don't know how but there's a bomb in there that could go off at any minute!"
"I see. Look at me. Look at me in the eyes."
Ninja Cat grabbed both cheeks of the worried mother, pulling her gaze to meet her own.
"I'm going to find your baby. Got that? I'm going to find your baby and you're going to take me to Best Buy for celebration. You understand that?"
The woman, completely impressed by the sheer confidence that I the Ninja Cat had, burst into tears.
"I never returned my copy of Shrek 2 on DVD back to Blockbuster! But they closed shop right after it was due!"
The security gaurd watching this exchange happen, along with Ninja Cat, both looked at the mother in confusion.
"I don't see how that's relevant. But first things first."
The security gaurd watched as the paws lifted off of the womans face, and Ninja Cat sprang into action. The security guard thought to himself, "Man, that Blockbuster thing must have come up in this womans state of shock. This for thing."
Ninja Cats legs were long and powerful. So powerful. Ugh, I can't even. So powerful. She landed right on top of the malls roof, now overlooking the parking lot filled with scared faces.
Her tail wagged in the moonlight. It's also important to know that Ninja Cat is wearing a shiny blue and yellow jacket thing. She also wears cool ass Raybans. She smirks to herself watching the people below look at her in awe. She's one cool feline.
Son't worry this is still about Naruto lol
She looks to the glass thingys at the top of the mall that let light in. Simply by, no she stands on her two hind legs and proceeds to weave a series of illegible signs. She then jumps without warning onto one of the panes of glass, and as her paw beans touch the surface, the glass shatters Ghost in the Shell style.
Ninja Cat is now in mid air falling. Ninja Cat of course can see in slow motion, so she begins servaing the surroundings.
At first she sees nothing of note. But then in the distance, on the bottom floor of the mall, there's fire and smoke. Something is bad happening. I'm shaking my head at my own writing lol
Ninja Cats feet land gracefully onto the cold marble floor, and she launches herself into a full blown sprint toward the fire.
Bless it be this turkey day that that child is alright! Ninja cat thought to herself.
Getting closer to the fire now, Ninja Cat could see more of the situation. Around the corner was a fire exstinguisher that looked like a cartoon straight out of rabbit that one rabbit moveis roggers soemthing. It was her arch nemesis.
Evil fire exstingusher cartoon man.
She her eyes widened in fear. He was back from the dead. Somehow he managed to survive being sliced open by her furosious claws in their last battle. Somehow he was still here. But she counldn.t ask questions now. She needed to act fast and save the girl.
Luckily, fire exstingusiher man cartoon had yet to notice Ninja Cats presence. This was likely due to Ninja Cat being a really good ninja and also being a ninja.
"Move damn it!"
Ninja Cat was frozen, unable to make off elsewhere into the mall.
A baseball hits fire exstinguersh cartoon man and gives him a big old dent in the side. He hits the ground hard, he was floating earlier or not maybe on clouds or it was forced perspective, idk, shakamrua comes out from the smoke.
Hes wearing a baseball jersey that says "baseball 14"
Oh no, thats my favorite baseball related team! Ninja Cat though to therself.
Shikamaru was now out in front of the smoke. It was easy to see that he had one hand in his shorts, and the other hand was loosely wrapped around a metal baseball bat. He was haning the bat off of his shoulder, and he was also smoking a cigarette.
"Funny seeing you here exstinguisher."
Fire exstingusher man cartoon man finally opened his eyse, clearly still in pain and barely seeing the his eye lids were like very close together whatever thats called yeah
"It can't be... I killed you back in Konoha... Right in front of your parents..." said the grape fruit cartoon exstingusher man.
"Ah you misunderstand. Those werent my parents."
"what..?" fire exstingusher said shocked, still struggling to keep his eys open.
"Yeah see, I knew you'd be in town, so I prepared some ramen for my family and let them at it. Meanwhile, I slipped away into the background, because they are stupid and didn't notice me leaving. Which is how object permanance works."
"Omg hes ssooooooo right omg shikamaru youre so smart babe" said cartoon fire thing amn
"Yeah babe. Anyway I hired a bunch of people to pretend to be my parents so that when you ambushed me youd think they were my parents and then youd kill me in front of my parents who, werent actually, my parents."
"But why!"
"I don't know." Shikamaru said that in a really cool smooth voice even though it was really stupid.
"Oh noooooooo1" fire exstingusher turned into that one scream painting thing. or at least that was his expression
"Anyway Im alieve those werent my parents, by the way ninja cat is here watching"
Eee gad! I've been filed! How did he see me! Ive got to get out of ere!
I ran to the automatic doors, but then the doors were consumed with blackness.
"wehre yod you thinik youre going little missy?" shikamru said turning his attention to ninja cat.
"No where! Laundry! laundrymat!Yes!"
Riiigghhhttt like im going to fall for that.
"no really do you ahve any quarters."
Shikamaru was flabbergasted. She was nt liying. She really needed to do laundry. He suddenly had visions of his past memories, all the times he suffered strokes from laundry related stress induced events. His sympathy manifested itself as a mountain dew cola on his left shoudler.
"Shikamaru... It is time... You must let gooo..."
Shikamaru burst into tesars.
"No! Im not ready! This is all too soon! I havent recrded that episode of scooby doo yet!"
"Bitch its 2021 you can netflix that shit..." the mauntain dew bottle said in a scary slow voice.
Ninja Cat shed all of her hair in an instant. Her hair got stuck in the sleeves of her jacket and it looked funny.
The studio audience burst into laughter. MNIjna Cat caught off gaurd looks to her right to see hundrends of people laughing at her happenstance. They are all laughing at her. Laughing.
Suddenly, an earth quake erupts. Its pretty cool because it feels like a message, and inadvertantly luls the entire audenice into a deep deep slumber.
Naruto enters the scne.
"Hi Im Naruto and Ill be reading the part of Aquaman."
"Naruto. You're late. Like very late."
"What?"
"Dude we already made the movie, were literally working on the seauel right now."
Naruto shot turned red. He was so embarrased. Stiffly, he turned around 180 and walked out of the automatic doors.
Ninja Cat was moved to tears of her own watching suck a fumble by team Naruto.
And now the ball is passed to Shikamaru, who kicked it toward fire exstingusiher soccer man.
They all lose the world cup because of pre existing circumstances with litigation with Lybia and Archie Comics.
Ninja Cat has done it again, another case solved by Ninja Cat Pet Detective NinJA Cat.
Hi. I'm Naruto. I'm here to tell yu about the story you just witnessed. I know that it may be frightening, and maybe even scary. But this story serves as an important lesson.
Don't leave your car lights on at night. Not your headlights, the lights inside the car. The ones in the middle of the ceiling thing.
Oh goodness, Look at the time. I best be getting back to my VRV subscriotion and bathing in the hot springs provided by Red Bull. Red Bull gives you wings. I am now a member of Xmen.
The End.
Another harrowing adventure from the likes of Ninja Cat offices ltd. What a show stopper.
And I guess that brings me to now. Here I am, in my 80's. But Im acutally in my 40s. Layig on this rocking chair built for humans that does not fit to my large cat body. I am 9 feet long. I am not designed for this chair. Why am I sitting here.
Shikamaru kicks the door open. Hes holding some cold ones with the bois.
"Im back from Alaska. All they had was imports. So I spit on the lids and I hope thats okay with you."
"Just the way I like it honey."
Shikmaru walked over to Ninja Cat and sat on her lap, wrapper his arms around her. Ninja CAt was now in a granny blanket and wearing reading bifocals.
"Did you like that story little shika?"
"No mama I didn." shikamru was smiling so hard he was so happy.
A shark came out of the carpet with a letter. "Here is my letter of resignation. Im going to work at AMC and Aand E. Goodbye. Forever."
That was the last time the two would ever see Shark character. They worried if he turned out alright. The truth was, he was running away from his abusive family and the AMC AandE story was just something to distract people for long enough for him to swim across the atlantic ocean.
Problem is theres some issue with the water s being differemt, so like he crossed into salt water or something and he drowned. What an idiot ;lol
And that my kids, is why you never start stream of concioussness fanfiotion. I am looking at you Choji. With your big fat hips and thighs. Put on some thigh highs why dont ya"
"i could never disobey my father like that. this is the end of the stroy. this is the end of OUR story"
"no! choji! I need you! I ddint mean it! Lets go nack home and play ttaem forteress two like we always do!"
"No. I have an addiotion at 30 rock that i have to nail and i need time alone to practice my lines. of COKE!"
"AAAWAAaaaayyyyooooooooooooo!"
This is burton gubsy. I hoped youve enjoyed your tv dinner tonight. Next week, were going to be experimenting with Naruto meeting Tiger Woods for the first time. They actually have a lot in common! Wo! Okay see you then
The turbines stop.
This is my greatest creation.
His fingers were sore from typing.
I wish I was Naruto.
Thats not true that would be bad.
Thank you for reading this has been my worst fiction yet by far and I hoped you enjoyed it or that youve learned to loath something more than you ever thought was possible to loath something. Eat rocks and date profiles online see ya guys wifueanfjnaeofiuvnaeiavunewcaweoicuanuryvhavinunpcaewicnapisudhavnreiyvbevbyspfv
8:10am 9/14/21