On Board the Bebop

Mid February

It had been a few weeks since the incident on Ganymede and the mattresses and bedding had all long since been returned to the proper bedrooms and a routine reestablished with the crew. Not a routine that Faye was particularly pleased about though. Jet had taken to waking up before anyone else, cooking up a light breakfast that he'd leave ready to be plated, and then vanishing from the ship entirely.

Sometimes he'd be gone after bounties - just small fries where they couldn't accuse him of tackling tough marks without backup. Sometimes he'd tell Ed he was going to help Horatio with the plants, which was another thing they couldn't fault him for. But Faye knew he was just trying to avoid facing her or talking with Spike. It was beginning to infuriate her though Spike didn't seem perturbed in the least. Faye suspected that the guys would try to let the entire fiasco slip by like water under a bridge if they had any choice in the matter, and truthfully if they didn't care to hash it out then she wasn't too concerned about that - they'd long been used to not addressing issues that weren't really in need of being addressed. But given Jet's repeat absences and refusal to be too long in Faye's presence... well, they at least needed to clear the air even if Jet and Spike didn't.

When she'd convinced Jet to join them in the mess of blankets that first night back on the ship, he'd only lingered long enough to eat with the rest of them and naturally the consumption of food took precedence over chatting. She'd even managed to eat quite a bit herself because her appetite had begun to come back after days of being too ill to even contemplate nourishment. And by the time Ed had gathered up everyone's plates to deposit in the kitchen, Jet had snuck out of the cuddle puddle while Faye herself was struggling - and failing - to stay awake.

It was the very next morning when Jet had begun his disappearing act. Spike had told her to leave it be for now - that no doubt Jet needed some time to himself to clear his head and come to terms with what had happened. She'd begrudgingly agreed and had spent the first few days continuing to recuperate from her illness and slowly getting back into her workout regimen - which Spike had kept light and easy until the fourth day when she'd snapped. Being babied wasn't something she was comfortable with and she liked to think that her cranky assault on her lover was proof to him that she was ready to be challenged again.

Thankfully, Spike had started to treat her like a capable human being again after that. Which was good because he was equally distracted by other issues himself and needed a genuine combative release, not to just pussyfoot around with her for days. Working out together was a healthy way to alleviate stress and often led to other means of stress release that were even more enjoyable.

Faye had noticed that he was dealing with his own conversational impasse with Ed. The hacker kept vanishing every time Spike tried to track her down. She'd flee to school or into the vents of the ship. Privately Faye thought that the harsh way he'd reacted to Ed's explanation that first night was fueling the girl in her lack of desire to talk out what had happened and why she'd done as she had. Truthfully, Faye found Ed's reasoning perfectly logical even from the girl's emotional standpoint. Ed had been terrified that Jet or Spike would kill Alisa and then have that hanging over their heads - or standing between them. Ed was usually so playful and unconcerned even when the adults got stressed - it was often hard to remember that she was basically still a child and had the same fears any child had about a wedge driving their family to fall apart.

Well, not just any child. It was a fear that Faye herself could understand intimately. It was that fear which drove her concern over Jet's reluctance to just fucking talk with her about what happened. Things between everyone were uncomfortable and tense at the moment and it wasn't what any of them were used to. No one was happy, but no one wanted to face their fears and communicate.

Except Faye and Spike. Which was baffling since they tended to be the more closed-off of the crew and usually the ones trying to avoid accountability. Instead here they were trying to get the others to open up and clear the air. It was as if their world had tipped upside down and everything was opposite what everyone was used to. How often had Faye ever wanted to confront someone who felt they were responsible? In the past she'd gladly let someone else shoulder the blame for whatever tragedy had befallen her, even when her plight was solely her own fault. And Spike was always flying by the seat of his pants, making hasty decisions without considering consequences, yet here he was wanting to discuss that exact type of behavior with Ed? Faye planned on having a heart-to-heart with Ed eventually herself, but she was waiting in case she had to somehow explain to the girl whatever Spike laid on her.

As it was, Spike and Faye were the only two currently talking on the ship and even that had been strained at first. She had been so firmly on Ed's side that Spike had been at a loss. It had come to a head a few days after the incident when Spike had stormed into the bedroom after Ed had given him the slip yet again...

"I'm not going to yell at her. I just need her to understand how incredibly dangerous what she did was! Faye, you could've died! She deliberately sent me in the wrong direction - it was only thanks to Ein that I even found you in the first place!" Spike was yelling.

Faye, reclined on the bed with a magazine, raised an eyebrow at him. "Just like you're not yelling now?"

He narrowed his eyes at her and visibly composed himself before talking again but this time through clenched teeth. "I am yelling right now because I am very frustrated. I just want to *talk* to her. She needs to understand that she cannot do that type of shit in the future. If she's worried about me killing someone she can damn well tell me to my face! Who's to say I would have shot Alisa if she had been there?"

Faye raised her other eyebrow and set aside the magazine. The article about 'getting your man to speak his mind' wasn't really helping her figure out how to approach the situation with Jet anyway.

Spike looked sheepish at her expression. "Well whatever so maybe I would have *wanted* to shoot her, but I'm not that trigger happy, Faye. I don't shoot first and ask questions later. Just because I was trained to be a killer doesn't mean I'm going to kill indiscriminately." He frowned then, clearly getting mad again. "And what the fuck, Faye? I was *worried* about you! If you had been hurt or worse-" He cut himself off abruptly, spinning around to face the dresser and grip it with his hands, his knuckles white from strain.

Feeling guilty then herself about not considering how much he'd been affected, Faye rose and moved to stand behind him, wrapping her arms high around his chest and squeezing. He was breathing sharp and fast, head down and trembling in her arms.

She hadn't been bothered by Ed's rationale because… well, either she could have already been dead by then, or things would have worked out as they had with her being saved and being alive now and fine. She had been too sick to care about herself and hadn't given the slightest thought to how her kidnapping had distressed the others. She felt a fool for not realizing how bothered Spike had been until now. How selfish of her!

She tugged him away from the dresser, breaking his grip on the wood before he could damage it or his fingers, and walked him backwards until she could shift them towards the bed. He was still breathing unsteadily and refused to look at her, but he allowed her to unwrap her arms from his torso so she could push him to the bed and guide him to lay down on it. Once he complied, she immediately joined him there, draping herself atop his body so her own body weight on his stomach and chest made it hard for him to draw a full breath into his lungs - not that he was taking deep breaths anyway.

She raised her left arm up to tangle in his hair, tucking her head beneath his chin, and took his own left hand in her right, interlacing their fingers and holding his hand up on the pillow by his head. He was still shaking slightly. She started to hum then as she used her hand in his hair to grip and release the thick strands, and rubbed the thumb of her other hand against his pointer finger.

After a few minutes, when his breathing became more regulated and his tremors had subsided, she tilted her head back so she could stretch up to kiss his chin and then along his jawline. It had been days since they'd last been intimate - she'd been sick the last time, actually. And now she wanted to prove to him that she was here and happy and whole. She was alive and well, thanks to him. So she moved to straddle him, shifting her weight so she was sitting across his hips and taking her hands back to undo and remove his jacket and then his shirt and then her own attire. She went about this process slowly at first until they were both just in pants and then Spike came to life himself and hastily rid them both of the rest of their clothes and then it was just the two of them, skin-to-skin.

Faye, knees on either side of his hips, sank onto him with a sigh of relief. She ran her hands up and over his ribs and then inward, pausing momentarily over his heart, feeling it pound in his chest, and then outward again to grip his shoulders and Spike sat up slightly to wrap his own arms around her. He brought one hand to the back of her neck to bring her face to his so he could engulf her in a passionate kiss, the other hand splayed over her spine. She kissed him back with desperation at first which turned soon into hunger as they tangled tongues and she nipped at his lips before drawing away only to take a breath before diving right back in. She finagled one hand down to scratch at his back while the other scratched at his scalp and tightened in his wonderfully soft hair. It was always startling how soft it was for how messy it was, but she delighted in making it even more disheveled.

It was no time at all before he had her quaking in ecstasy, shuddering atop him even as she pushed her endurance farther, refusing to collapse bonelessly, refusing to stop riding him until he too was undone.

He leaned slowly backwards onto the mattress, taking her down with him, both with chests heaving for air. And she cradled his head between her hands as she lowered her own face to his to press her sweaty forehead against his as she caressed his scalp just behind and above his ears. They breathed in and out, panting against each other as they came down from their high, and her eyes fluttered open to see his gaze fixed on her.

"Thank you for coming after me. For saving me." She murmured, unable to break from his intense gaze. "Thank you for caring so much. Spike, I… I'm sorry. I hadn't… you seemed so put together. I hadn't realized what you had gone through. I never meant to make you feel… wrong… for being so upset with Ed. You're right. She should have been honest with you. But she's young and she's gonna make mistakes and this one… this one we walked away from. Because you kept at it, you persisted, and you saved me."

He tilted his face up to kiss her again. Taking his time. His hands were both on her back, warm and solid. He kept kissing her, even as tears leaked from her eyes. It wasn't to satisfy a hunger this time so much as to reassure them both that they were here together, happy and alive.

After a while, he broke from her lips to pepper her face with kisses, erasing all the tear tracks. He spoke between kisses.

"You'll have to thank the dog too, you know. He was the one who sent me on the right path."

Faye laughed softly and kissed the tip of his nose. "I don't know what I'm doing sometimes," She admitted, settling down to lay against him, tucking herself beneath his chin where she loved to be. "I'm not used to thinking about how others feel… you'll have to be patient with me. But… talk to me, hey? Don't bottle things up… you were worried and you should feel comfortable enough to tell me that. You're allowed to have the full range of emotions, Spike. You're even allowed to talk about them with others. I don't want you to suffer things on your own. Let me in. Let me bear that weight with you, please."

"Well… right now… I'm feeling pretty sticky." He chuckled when she pulled away to frown at him in a mixture of amusement and exasperation. His eyebrows rose as he made a face of innocent sincerity. "Babe, you made an absolute mess of me. I'm just being honest." But he smiled then and tightened his arms around her to draw her to lay down again. "You want patience, you gotta be patient too. I don't… I've never been one to talk about my feelings. But I'm willing to try. Because I want you to share yours with me too. We're in this together, the good the bad and the ugly, okay?"

She grinned against his chest and pressed a kiss there before moving to sit up, his arms dropping down to her hips so she could adjust her position. "The good, the bad, and the sticky! C'mon, cowboy - let's go hop in the shower."

Things between them had been much smoother after that. Which was good, because the rest of the issues on the ship were driving them both crazy and it helped to have someone to vent to and someone to provide carnal distractions. The only bright side about Jet and Ed dashing off to avoid the inevitable conversations Faye and Spike wanted to have was the fact that it left them with an empty ship to take advantage of.

Although there was another member of the crew they had forgotten to consider. Ein didn't seem especially happy with the various locations they chose to utilize for their personal pleasure. All too often he'd stumble on the couple somewhere unexpected and would have to adjust his own security rounds of the ship.

Faye knew Spike had been gifting the dog with some pretty prime cuts of meat on a regular basis, which seemed to appease the data dog well enough. She was still a bit upset about the kerfuffle of bringing him to get his nails trimmed, but she was also grateful for being rescued so she'd been giving him snuggles when no one else was looking.

But none of that had any bearing on her other struggle. Faye had had just about enough of tolerating Jet's need for distance and had a new idea for how to trap him into talking. He'd return to cook up a late dinner nearly every day and traditionally everyone let him handle the food prep solo because the kitchen was his domain. Once in a while he allowed Ed to help with simple stuff, but Faye knew the hacker had been too busy recently with her school work load. Apparently the third school - the military one - was proving to be exciting enough that she wanted to tough it out for another week or so before venturing on. Which was fine with the rest because there were still some bounties to bag and Horatio had clearly been appreciating Jet's assistance.

This meant that Jet would be by himself in the kitchen to whip up supper and Faye was planning on cornering him in the middle of things when he wouldn't have any opportunity to disappear. She even had a thought on how to trick him into talking… by simply bringing up something unrelated to recent events that they had in common.

She waited on the bridge, smoking and gazing at the sea, until she could hear the hiss of meat on a griddle and knew that he would be committed to the meal. Then, flouncing through the living room and ruffling Ed's hair where she sat sprawled over schoolwork before giving a wink to Spike, who was playing solitaire on the couch, Faye went into the lion's den with a purposeful stride.

xxx

Spike was only pretending to be invested in his card game to put Ed off guard. She'd been engrossed in school books and worksheets for the entire afternoon since getting back from military school, but at last she'd heaved a sigh and had stuffed all that nonsense into her backpack. Then, giving Spike a furtive glance and seeing he was otherwise occupied, she activated the monitor to watch a movie while he continued to match up cards.

He played through three more games of solitaire before bothering to look up at the screen at what she had chosen. It was an action movie with a tough guy protagonist who had the help of a mousy-looking scientist lady and was currently in the process of attempting to save a scantily clad woman - who Spike suspected of having ulterior motives. Not that he'd been paying attention.

On the screen, the mousy scientist was about to distract the hero at the worst time by shouting out in their attempt to help. Arnold! Look out! And then naturally the hero got smucked by the very object the scientist was trying to warn him about.

"Don't ever do that, Ed." Spike stated casually.

The hacker tensed up, then realized Spike was gesturing at the screen. "Yell out in a distracting fashion?"

Spike smirked. "Exactly. You can yell at your partners but keep it helpful. Duck! Jump! Behind you! Directional stuff can be useful. But just yelling 'look out' is the worst way to aid a friend in that type of situation. It doesn't give any information and that's when things go from bad to worse. In these movies they use it to introduce a comedic element usually but in real life that's how people get hurt or killed."

She nodded thoughtfully and relaxed against the couch again.

Deciding it was safe to give up on the card game, Spike kicked up his feet onto the coffee table and started genuinely watching the movie with Ed. He didn't want to fuck this up and frighten her off when she'd been so hesitant about being in his company lately.

He hadn't thought he had been that testy when Ed had been explaining herself to Spike and Faye that night not long ago, but obviously he'd been antagonistic enough that Ed had been leery of being stuck alone with him. Therefore, it was a better idea to build up her trust again first and to let her see that he wasn't harboring a grudge or anger over what she'd done.

After a while, the movie gave him another opportunity to speak up. The hero was sneaking around investigating a factory run by the bad guys.

Pointing at the screen again, Spike said, "Always scope a place out as you enter. Mark doorways and where they likely lead. Build a blueprint in your mind of your surroundings. This type of situational awareness can be key in getting to your goal or being able to escape with ease. You never want to be trapped somewhere - you always want at least one exit strategy."

Ed nodded enthusiastically. "Blueprints are excellent maps! You've had Ed bring up blueprints for missions before."

"Sure, and they are helpful as hell - but when you're actually in a building it can look different so you have to be sharp. And if possible try to look around without making it look like you're looking around. If you can make other people think you aren't aware of your surroundings, that can give you an advantage in a fight. You always want to make people doubt your abilities and skills whenever possible. The more confidence they have, the better the chances that they'll fuck up."

"Pride comes before a fall," Ed quoted philosophically.

Spike was pleased. So far so good! He lapsed back into silence so they could both enjoy the flick. After a while, the bad guys seemed to figure out that the scientist lady was a useful tool to wield against the hero and managed to break into her house and tie her up. Ed sat up on the edge of the couch and peered at the screen.

"She's supposed to be a smart scientist but she's not even trying to break free. Faye-Faye would be so disappointed in her. Ed watched on the cameras when she was playing the escape artist game. She had to get out of straitjacket while suspended upside down in a vat of water." Ed had turned from the monitor and was facing Spike now, sticking her arms into her shirt to try and demonstrate. "Blub blub blub! But Faye-Faye kept her cool and did it in record time!"

"No kidding?" Spike was pretty astounded himself. She hadn't mentioned that little trick when recounting her experience in the magician game she'd been made to play. Apparently she'd loved the card tricks and costume changes - that was about all she'd told him about it. He wondered if she'd kept the life threatening part to herself to keep him from worrying about her time in the games. He'd certainly kept some of the sketchier parts of his own experiences from her so as not to add to her distress. They were too alike sometimes, even in how they strove to protect each other.

Ed's attention had been commandeered by the screen again. The hero was bleeding and banged up. He was on a rampage wreaking havoc as he made his way through a fancy building of offices - the headquarters of the bad guys. The scientist lady was still bound to the chair and there was a countdown on a screen marking its way steadily to doom for the entire planet.

"He got punched and kicked a bunch, shot and shot and shot and stabbed! Takes a licking but keeps on ticking!" Ed was amazed judging by her tone of voice.

Spike felt a rush of pride. He'd certainly been through all that and more on some of his more brutal encounters with bad guys. If only Ed had been able to see some of that rather than just him staggering home to be patched up. Then again, going off the aghast expression on her face, maybe that would have been too traumatizing to witness.

Still, he decided to speak. "Pain is endurable. I was trained for years to push through injuries. To ignore agony. It is fleeting and can be shunted aside with effort, especially when there's more important matters at hand. Saving the planet, for example." He nodded to the movie. "Or saving someone you love." He paused and waited until the hero untied the scientist and she was able to stop the timer before explosions could rock the world. "I have been through hell before Ed and I'll wade right back in if it means keeping my family safe. That means you, Faye, Jet… hell, even Ein. But… you've gotta trust me to do what's best even if we disagree on what that is. You can't ever do what you did with the drone again."

Ed visibly wilted. Her reply was whisper quiet. "Ed just didn't want either of you to kill her. She was a bad woman but she didn't want to be." Her eyes were wide and sad as she looked at Spike. "I never meant to put Faye-Faye at risk."

Spike sighed and scooted over, wrapping an arm around Ed's shoulders. "No, I know, kiddo. It's just… life happens fast and we need to know what's going on. The truth. In our lives we can't afford misinformation." He gave her a squeeze. "You were using your brain. You knew since she'd taken Faye alive that the chances were good that she wanted to keep Faye alive for the foreseeable future. But she also wasn't entirely sane. Drugs can make people act in terrible and unpredictable ways. She could have turned on Faye at any point for no reason that would make sense to us, or even her maybe. I just… I need you to trust me. Even if you're worried I might do something desperate or awful. It's crucially important, Ed, especially anytime one of our lives is on the line."

She nodded, sniffled, and threw her arms around him. "Ed just wanted to protect you guys!"

He patted her back awkwardly, unsure of how to comfort a crying kid. "No, I get it, Ed. You just haven't had enough life experience to know how crazy things can get. And… I'll admit, if Jet had to pull the trigger… I don't know what that would have done to him. If I'd done it, that would have made things different between us even if he understood the necessity. But that's something we would have gotten through eventually. We're adults and we have had disagreements before. It would've had a toll on us but… not as bad as losing Faye."

Her tears renewed at this and Spike felt guilty momentarily. But it had to be said. Ed needed to realize that people didn't act in rational ways so she couldn't make assumptions. Alisa trying to break Faye's fever was still something that baffled Spike. Her behavior had been contradictory at best and they were all just lucky that she hadn't snapped the other way and murdered Faye out of nowhere.

"You did what you thought was best, Ed. You put yourself in a tough situation and you kept anyone from dying or getting killed. Just… next time, be upfront with us. Be honest. You can tell us what you're concerned about happening - in fact, please do. You're a member of this crew and your input is invaluable. We need you, Ed. Don't be afraid to confront us about stuff that upsets you."

She nodded and wiped her teary face on his shirt as she pulled away. "Sorry for avoiding you," She murmured. "Ed didn't want to have rough tough talks."

Spike gave her a half smile. "No one ever does, kiddo. But it's healthier than sweeping everything under the rug. It's better to get it out and over with, hey? Now there's nothing to fester and we can get back to good."

Ed nodded again. "Out with the bad, in with the good. Don't worry, Ed will not mislead anyone again." She paused thoughtfully. "Ed does feel better now. But… Jet-person and Faye-Faye aren't better yet."

"Nah but some things take time. They'll get there. You, uh, might have to have some more uncomfortable talks though. I dunno how Jet felt about everything." Spike leaned back on the couch. "Jet can be even more closed off than Faye and I when he wants to be. But if he needs to get something off his chest, he'll bring it up with you. I don't think you'll need to initiate any talks yourself unless you feel a need to. Remember Ed, you can talk to us about anything."

xxx

Faye made her way to the kitchen fridge, ostensibly for a drink, and simply lingered after retrieving a glass and filling it with water. She leaned casually against the prep table counter and eyed up the griddle. Pork for dinner from the looks of it - something that made Faye's mouth water.

Jet, standing over the burner, stiffened when she didn't leave the room right away. Faye pulled a spliff from her pocket and waggled it in his direction.

"Got a light?"

"Ed's just in the other room!" Jet protested automatically.

Faye raised a brow. "Yeah and? I know there's ventilator hoods above the stove that draw this air out and recycle it. C'mon, Black Dog, burn with me. You know you wanna…"

He huffed but took his lighter out of his pocket and passed it over to her. "Don't get ashes in the food."

"Yeah yeah," She glanced around until she spotted one of Ed's clay ashtray creations. "Ed's got it covered, see? Man, she's such a handy kid to have around."

Jet looked over at her and she passed him the spliff. "Dunno where we'd be without her, to be honest." He admitted. "She's got a better heart than any of us too."

Faye nodded and took a sip of her water. "Wish more folks were like her. Galaxy would sure be a nicer place."

He laughed abruptly. "Faye, the universe couldn't handle another Ed. She's one of a kind for a reason." He passed her back the spliff and then nodded in her direction. "When we're done with that… if you're just gonna be killing time in here anyway… there's veggies that need chopping."

She took a deep drag on the spliff. "Mm, if I'm gonna do that… mind if I turn on the radio? I don't know how you can just stand in here cooking in silence." She didn't wait for a response before turning to the little stereo on shelf above the sink and turning the radio on, volume low, and fiddled with the stations before finding something with Spanish lyrics that was upbeat. Faye took another couple of drags before passing the spliff back to Jet. "I can understand some of these words, but I've never spoken much Spanish. Altogether I think I can speak three languages, write in four, and comprehend five. What about you? I bet you've got a handful under your belt."

Jet hit the spliff a few times before giving it back to her to finish off. "You bet right. Chinese, Japanese, English, Taiwanese, French - I can speak or write or understand those. Spanish I can sort of get the jist of because it's similar in part to French and English. Actually, I also understand braille - that was something we had to learn at the ISSP surprisingly enough, and Morse code for that matter, if you consider that a language."

Faye's eyebrows shot up. "Oh! I'd forgotten about knowing Morse code." She stubbed out the spliff in the ashtray and washed her hands quickly before turning to the prep table. "Okay… so you want this stuff… cubed? Sliced? Do I need to peel anything first?"

"Oh jeez, maybe I should put you in charge of the meat here…"

"C'mon, Jet - that's boring. I want to learn something here." She insisted.

With a resigned sigh, Jet turned down the burner and left the meat sizzling. He made his way to Faye's side and grabbed a pair of knives, giving her one of them. "Okay, I'll show you what to do with each vegetable here and then let you do the most of the work, sound good?"

She nodded excitedly. Jet had never before trusted her in this realm and she wanted to prove she could be capable the next time he caught a cold or was busy with a bounty and someone else had to provide dinner. No one wanted to eat anything Spike charred, not even the lanky cowboy himself. And Ed, while also keen on learning her way around in the kitchen, just couldn't be trusted on her own in there yet. Someone else had to keep an eye on her to make sure she didn't get too distracted or hurt herself accidentally.

They worked in relative quiet for a while, only the music of the radio playing in the background, but after Jet left her in charge and turned back to the meat, Faye decided to start a new conversation. Something to throw him off when no doubt he was expecting her to say something about Alisa.

"Isn't it terrifying when they speak in tongues?" She remarked out of the blue.

Flipping the meat around, Jet paused before glancing at her. "What's that now?"

"That old lady who had you tied to the bed. We heard her mumbling before we broke in. That wasn't any language I recognized myself. Did you?"

"Latin, I think maybe. Or… Greek possibly? I don't think it was Aramaic or Hebrew. You're right though, I didn't know what she was saying. Which… yeah does make it creepy as hell." He glanced at her again. "You've had experience with weirdos talking in tongues?"

Faye finished using the knife before speaking again. The incident with Ebenezer still gave her bad dreams sometimes and she didn't want to cut herself because she was distracted by those memories. "Yeah. When Ed rescued me from the strip club and then Spike had to get me from the hospital. That Ebenezer asshole, he was talking in some ancient language I didn't know. Freaked me out more than his fetish for killing women to 'save their souls' or whatever he believed he was doing." She shivered. "I… I told you I've been in worse spots with men before and that's true. Ebenezer wasn't the raping type. But somehow… not knowing what he was chanting at me… that was scary, Jet." She gulped and then let out a long slow breath.

Jet turned off the burner and set the meat griddle aside before facing her fully. "It is, hey? Knowing what's going on… even if it's a fucking shitshow… then we're not as helpless. But when stuff is going over my head… Yeah I don't like that shit at all."

Faye looked at him steadily. "Did it upset you that Ed kept you out of the loop with Alisa?"

He narrowed his eyes at Faye. "Did it upset you? You're the one who could've died because she didn't tell us the right place to go."

She raised her chin and put her hands on her hips. "No. It didn't, actually. In retrospect, I'm upset on Spike's behalf because… well, that fucked him up. Trusting someone to lead you the way they always have before only to find out that it was a trick and meanwhile someone you care about might be dying? That… that is hard to handle. But just because I'm upset for him doesn't mean I'm mad at her about it. I get where she was coming from. Her motivation to keep either of you from doing something you'd regret or something that would break up our family. So. I'm wondering now how you felt about it all." She paused and then glared at him. "I am also upset that you keep running off instead of just talking with me about this."

Jet glared right back. "I didn't even know she'd sent me the wrong data until that night. Ed didn't realize how much history Alisa and I had in the area that she sent me to. I doubt Ed even thought when she gave me those coordinates that Alisa would show up anywhere near there. How she knew to intercept me before… well. She must have been monitoring things somehow. Hacking into nearby cameras or satellites." He paused then and sighed heavily, looking away from Faye's firm gaze. "I… no. I'm not mad at her. Even though it could have meant… Well, she kept me from doing something I would have hated myself for. I didn't want to kill her, Faye, I wanted to interrogate her about where you were and what she'd done to you… but I can't say I wouldn't have shot back if she fired at me first."

Faye made a thoughtful noise. Jet looked back over at her warily.

"I don't blame you, you know."

He scoffed and turned back to the meat, so Faye stepped over and grabbed his shoulder to spin him to face her again.

"Don't you dare. I'm not done talking to you about this. I know you hate heart to hearts and giving up any details about yourself. I thought by now maybe you'd feel… I dunno… like you could share things with us. But… believe me, I know how hard it can be. Keep your shit bottled up if you want I guess, but don't you dare doubt my words - my feelings - when I'm laying them out bare." She took her hand off his shoulder but then surprised both of them by wrapping both arms around Jet's upper torso instead. "Fuck, I should have hugged you days ago. You've probably needed one for years now."

At a loss, Jet stood stiff in her embrace. "Faye…"

"Shut up, Jet. You don't wanna talk anyway so just listen." She kept hugging him. "Did you know hugs are good for your health? They have to last a certain amount of time at a minimum, and of course it only really works if you're comfortable with the person you're hugging - without consent it probably does the opposite of helping. But… deal with this. Deal with me. We're living here on the same ship and we have to see each other every day. I need you to understand that I'm not mad at you. I'm not even mad at Alisa. And I certainly don't hold you responsible for what happened to me. You didn't drive her to that point, whatever you may think."

"I…" Jet's voice was hushed but he didn't say anything more. Hesitantly, he put his arms around Faye in return.

Still embracing each other, Faye spoke again. "I was in and out... But I think mentally she was too. She spoke of feeling pressured to be in a relationship with you because everyone expected it and was so happy about it. She loved you but she felt pushed into being with you."

Jet's voice was confused when he spoke next. "But…we took things so slow…"

Faye shook her head. "It wasn't you, Jet. Or at least, you were only a small part of the problem I think. Alisa... talked about being unable to displease her parents and unwilling to let down her friends. How she kept her dreams private because she didn't have enough faith in herself and didn't know how to seek her own path. She was trapped by her parents and their expectations, and then happy with you but still denying herself... And then when she broke away from you it was the first time she stood on her own. And from what I gather it was hard." She finally let Jet go and stepped back to look him in the eye as she kept speaking. "She pursued her goal but was starting from the ground up, no savings, no employment history. She found a job as a bartender and inherited the business when the owner passed away a few years later, but it was a struggle to stay afloat and then she took some opportunities that only led to trouble. Rhint was one of her regulars and she loved him because he always let her call the shots. He had no pride in himself but saw her as a savior. She kept him off the street and he did whatever she asked or demanded."

Jet looked sad. "She wanted to make her own mistakes. Choose her own life. I never saw our life together as a trap but… she just went along with everything I decided. I thought… it was because she understood my choices and agreed with them."

"Well, she made her own choices. And a lot of them were mistakes. I'm not gonna say kidnapping me was a fucking smart decision. She's damn lucky she didn't wind up dead, whether thanks to you or Spike or even me. If I hadn't been so sick I would have knocked her out here on the ship before things escalated any further." Faye said resolutely.

Silence reigned for a bit, broken only by the radio which still played softly in the background.

"You're smart, Jet. Think about it. It wasn't your fault. You aren't responsible for the actions of someone from your past. Their motivations and choices are their own, even if you influenced them to a degree. As it is, thanks to the grace of Ed's kind heart, that woman is gonna have another chance at life. A chance to get clean and to get better and to live in a way that finally brings her happiness. I'm not gonna go after her myself because I sympathize with what she's been through. Spike thinks I'm crazy for not holding a grudge but…well, a woman's heart can be more forgiving than a man's." She fixed Jet with a steady gaze again. "I'm not forgiving you because there is nothing to forgive you for. You need to understand that. Or at least understand that we are fine. Capiche?"

He met her gaze briefly before turning his attention back to the meat that was cooling. "I hear you, Faye. And… I do understand." A pause. "But I am still sorry for what happened."

Faye snorted. "For Alisa saving my life because she knew how to break a fever?"

He scowled at her. "You know that's not what I mean."

But she shrugged in response. "For better or worse, what happened happened. I'm alive and well and now we can all move on from this and get back to normal. Whatever the fuck that is. I guess right now that just means finishing up dinner and enjoying some time with the others." A thought occurred to Faye then. "Hey wait there's something else I've been wondering about - nothing to do with your secretive past so don't give me that look - it's just… how in the hell has Ed been getting away with not wearing shoes at the military school? I get that she snuck by at the regular schools but I kinda thought military school had more rules and regulations…"

At that, Jet laughed. "She tried to paint her feet black the first day. Didn't work. But then she realized that it isn't so much shoes she hates as socks. Too slippery! I don't know if she's wearing socks inside the boots or not but… yeah the combat boots they issued her have actually been a hit! She said they remind her of mine but sneakier."

Faye rolled her eyes, smiling. "Of course. Well, I'm starving - let's get this show on the road so we can go eat!"

xxx

Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.