ALEX POV

I glanced over at my wife as I drove back to the bar. We had just come from the doctor where we received, not definitive, but not encouraging news. Piper hadn't said a word since we got in the car and I honestly wasn't sure how to help the situation. It was clear Piper was hurting as she thought about all the what if's and I knew there was nothing I could do or say to stop that freight train. I was worried about our future as well but right now my only concern was my wife. I needed to put it all on the back burner and take care of my wife.

"Piper I can just head home," I offered not really wanting her to be alone right now.

She remained silent for a moment and I wondered if she even heard my question or if she was already lost to the swirling darkness in her brain.

"No, it's fine just go to the bar I know you had some things you need to do there," Piper said her eyes never drifting away from the window.

"Yeah, but I don't have to…I know today…"

"Just go to the bar," she said cutting me off.

I didn't say anything else knowing I was just making it worse. I had seen her get like this a couple times before during the course of our relationship and in the immediacy of the bad news I knew the only thing I could do was give her time. We remained silent as we made our way to the bar.

"Piper let me just wrap up a few things here and then we can go," I said as we stood outside AV/DV.

"No, its ok…I'm ok. Do whatever work you need and I will see you when you get home," she responded but I knew she was lying.

"Piper…"

"I'm serious Alex…nothing has changed just do your work. I'm just going to go for a walk and then I will pick dinner up on my way home."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I will see you later," she said giving me a kiss.

I watch her walk away and I am fighting every fiber of my being to not run after her. I don't want to leave her alone right now, but I also know she likes to be alone and clear her head for a little. I wait until she is out of sight before I head inside.

"Hey stretch."

I nod at Nicky but don't say anything before heading back to my office. I shut the door and throw myself into my chair. It is times likes this I am glad I own a bar and pour myself a shot from my private collection. The liquid finishes sliding down my throat as I hear a knock on the door and Nicky poke her head inside.

"Trouble in paradise," she asks flopping down on my couch?

"No," I grumble.

"Yeah, that was convincing."

"I'm serious Nick…Piper and I are fine. We just didn't get great new at the doctors."

I could tell that sobered Nicky up pretty quickly. We hadn't told anyone what was going on outside of our parents so I could only imagine what was running through my friend head.

"The doctors? Are you sick? Is Piper?"

"No, we are fine…relatively speaking."

"Then why do you look like I just kicked your puppy."

"If you ever kicked Tank you wouldn't be alive long enough…"

"Cut the shit Vause what is going on," she asked seriously.

It was rare Nicky and I had a serious conversation. Our relationship had always been fun and free, but at the end of the day we both knew if shit every got real we would be there for each other. This was one of those times.

"This doesn't leave this office," I say sternly.

Nicky nodded in understanding.

"Piper and I…we are trying to have a baby and Piper is having difficulty with just…everything. It took her a year to get pregnant but she miscarried about 12 weeks in. She is struggling to get pregnant again and the doctors don't think it is likely she will be able to carry."

I could tell the news surprised Nicky as her mouth opened and closed a couple times clearly at a loss for words. Really what does one say when that gets dumped on them.

"I'm sorry, that really fucking sucks," Nicky said sincerely, "I didn't even know you guys were trying…like seriously trying I know you were talking about it a while back."

"We didn't want to make a big deal about it until after it actually happened. I didn't want people putting pressure on Piper, I never imagined this is how this would turn out."

"What did the doctor say?"

"A bunch of medical crap I don't understand…basically her uterus is an inhospitable environment for a baby."

"Jesus fuck."

"I'm worried about Piper she is so upset over this. I am too but it is just different for her. The doctor is running some test we should have more news in a couple days but it's likely we will have to come up with a different plan."

"Families come in all different shapes, sizes and forms…I mean my family is a bunch of misfit toys, none related by blood and yes I would defend with my life. It might not happen how you pictured it but it will happen and you two will be amazing parents."

"Thanks Nik…I just, I don't know. I feel so helpless watching her go through this and also going through my own shit. I have to watch her take pills and shots, go to doctors regularly, the miscarriage…god I don't know how we survived that."

"That was in March wasn't it…when you took a week off."

"Yeah," I barely got out without tearing up thinking about it, "I can honestly say that was the worst week of my life and I have been through some shit before. Nothing…Nik NOTHING can compare…we lost a child. I don't know how I can love so fiercely someone I never met but I did and it was just devastating."

Most of my life I never figured children would be for me, but than things changed when I met Piper. She made me want things I never thought about before; a relationship, marriage, a family, kids. Everything started coming together with relative ease until the miscarriage and then everything almost fell apart. Piper was my first priority but I was also grieving the loss of a child. I learned a lot about myself during that time, found a strength I didn't think I was capable of having. It was a process, one both piper and I were still dealing with which made me worry even more about her now. With every set back and struggle I feared it would be just too much.

Lost in my own thoughts for a moment, I looked up surprised to see Nicky standing in front of me. She signaled for me to stand and when I did she wrapped me up in a hug. It was a hug I didn't realized I needed and with a deep breath I relaxed.

"I'm not going to say I understand because I don't…I have been through a lot of shit too but not that. Just know that I am here…we all are for anything you need…time off, meals delivered, housekeeping services…whatever your family has your back."

"Thanks Nik…I just want to get deliveries set for this weekend and then I am going to get back to Piper."

"Where is she?"

"She wanted to go for a walk, clear her head. I hated letting her go but I also knew if I forced anything on her she would shut down or worse resent me."

"I'm proud of you stretch."

I did a double take not sure I had just heard Nicky right.

"What?"

"You have a shit storm on your hands and you're handling it. You're not running or avoiding it, you're taking it on and making sure your girl is taken care of…that's not something younger Alex would have done necessarily. Just make sure you let Piper take care of you too."

"Thanks Nik."

I spent a little more time in the office than I wanted because of my little heart to heart with Nicky. While not planned it was absolutely necessary to let my friend in on the struggles Piper and I were going through. I needed someone on the outside, a lifeline to keep me grounded. My mom certainly knew and was there for me, I couldn't have gotten through this without her, but adding my friend gave me one more person I could confide in.

After wrapping up the work at the bar I headed home not really sure what I would be walking into. I walk into the condo and am met with silence. I look around and there are no clues that Piper is even home. Tank has not made an appearance at the door and she usually was the first to great a new comer so I thought maybe Piper was out for a walk with her.

"Piper," I call out.

Nothing. I walk further through the living room and back to our bedroom. There was Piper and Tank curled up on the bed sleeping.

"Hey Pipes," I whisper softly sitting on the bed next brushing back her hair.

She hummed and pressed into my touch.

"Al."

"Yeah baby I'm home. Do you need anything?"

She shook her head no.

"Stay," she whispered.

I kick my shoes off and carefully settled into bed next to her.

"Just rest I am not going anywhere," I say pulling her into my arms.

I know this is where she feels safe, this is where she can let all her guards down and just feel. Within moments of me settling into bed I can feel her start to shake as the tear overcame her. I pulled her in tighter and just let her cry.

"Is this ever going to happen," she asks after a few minutes?

I knew exactly what she was talking about.

"It will baby I promise. It might not be how we imagined but we are going to be parents to an amazing child and get to drive them nuts just as our parents did us."

Piper turned her head slightly with a raised eyebrow.

"Ok, maybe not exactly how our parents drove us nuts but you know what I mean," I said kissing her cheek.

"I didn't think it would be this hard."
"I know…neither did I but not having a dick makes it slightly more challenging."
"Ha, that is kind of one of the things I love about you," she sassed back.

"Me too," I said thankful Piper can still find some levity, "I know things have been hard baby but the best things in life are never easy. When it happens, we will love harder than we can even imagine, we will be blessed and appreciate our family in ways others couldn't understand."

"I love you Al."

"I love you too Pipes."

PIPER POV

I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes it was dark outside and Alex was missing. I squinted my eyes trying to get them into focus and clear the cobwebs from my brain.

"Oh god," I mumbled as the bright light from my cell phone glared back at me.

It was almost 9pm so I slept for a little while, but hopefully not long enough to mess up my sleep tonight. I sat up rubbing my face and when I turned on the lamp I couldn't help but smile. On the bedside table was a glass of water and two Advil, Alex knew me well. Without fail I always got a headache after crying and quickly downed the pain medicine. Now I just had to find my wife.

"Come on Tank," I call my best furry friend.

I open the door and head for the living room but stop when I hear Alex talking, probably on the phone.

"I know mom, I just love her so much. I want to make everything better and when I can't I feel like I am failing."

My heart broke hearing that Alex felt like she was failing me. It couldn't be further from the truth, Alex was my rock. She had been there for me in my worst of times and I couldn't love her more.

There was silence so I knew Alex was listening to what her mother had to offer. I knew Diane is giving her daughter some words of encouragement. Diane had really been a godsend for both of us. I learned Diane had a miscarriage, something not even Alex knew at the time. While it was under difference circumstances the trauma of losing a child was the same. With every doctor's appointment and disappointment, she was there for us, making frequent trips into the city.

"I have a trip coming up soon and then Piper has another doctor's appointment, but maybe after that we can come out. I think it would be good for us to get out of the city for a couple days….haha yes I know fresh air and star gazing does wonders," Alex laughed.

I felt bad listening in without making my presence known so I headed into the living room.

"Hey sleeping beauty is awake," Alex smiled giving me a kiss as I snuggled into her side on the couch, "I will talk to you tomorrow mom…love you too," Alex said hanging up the phone.

"You didn't have to end the call on my account."

"We were pretty much done anyway," she shrugged, "how are you feeling?"

I take a deep breath and slowly let it out really thinking about that question. At the end of the day Alex and I were together and healthy surrounded by loving friends and family. It might be tough but all in all I really was lucky.

"I'm ok, I still feel tired although I'm not sure how that is possible."

"Stress can really knock it out of you."

"Yeah, I heard you have a trip coming up?"

"Tentatively yes…it would be a quick one to Italy two-nights max. I would have normally said outright no but it's Mr. Jessen."

"Oh I am sad I won't be able to come. He was so nice."

"He asks about you every time."

"I still can't believe he bought us a building for our wedding present."

"Hey I had to talk him out of the plane, but the building he can at least store his cars there. Still you say the word and I will stay."

"Babe it is fine, you can still work. If something happens I will let you know, you have already cut back but you don't have to stop. I know you enjoy it," I smile.

"Yeah, I do. It is always fascinating to see what people need me to move and figuring out how to make it happen. With Mr. Jessen he might want me to try and pull Mars out of the solar system and hang it outside his estate," she joked.

"Then go…and bring me back some wine."

Nothing was going according to plan but really that is what made life interesting. As long as I had Alex by my side we would navigate the ups and downs, celebrate and mourn, laugh and cry and just live life n whatever greater plan there was for us.