one: fear

There was no mistake, the test read bold and clear. Peyton Sawyer Scott, twenty seven, was pregnant with her second child. And she was terrified.

She didn't quite know what to do, and sat there aimlessly on the bathroom floor, staring at the stick in her hands. It's funny how the smallest of moments can be what changes your life, for the better or the worse, and this was one of them.

She couldn't tell Lucas, he was at work coaching the Little Ravens basketball team at their daughter's elementary school, and she knew it was a conversation best had in person.

They had moved back permanently to Tree Hill when Sawyer was two, knowing that this was where their roots were and where they wanted to make a family. Most of their friends followed, and now they all lived minutes apart, their lives now full of play dates and carpool and road trips together. It was not the jet setting, rocker chic music producer life that Peyton had once planned, but somehow, she found it even more satisfying.

"Mommy, what are you doing?" She heard a voice call for her from down the hallway. "You've been on the potty for a long time!"

Peyton laughed. Sawyer was five now. She was very observant, and always needed to know where her parents were and what they were doing. She didn't want her to see her mother like this, and so gathered herself, stood up and placed the test on the counter, wanting to save it to show Lucas later.

"What's up, Sawyer girl?" Peyton said brightly, wanting to keep up the mood and not worry her even though her mother was freaking out inside.

"Mommy, will you play Barbies with me?" Sawyer asked.

"Of course, my love," Peyton squeezed her daughter tight and tried to soak up the moment. She really did want another child, but often worried about complications forcing her to leave the one she already had behind. Sawyer was their miracle baby, did they really want to jinx that by having another? Peyton's doctors had even told her that another pregnancy would be risky, but yet here they were. It was happening, and they had to deal with it.

"I'm home!" Lucas called as he walked through the door about an hour later. This was always his favorite time of the day. As if on cue, Sawyer came running at him full speed and nearly knocked him over. "DADDY! DADDY!" She squealed. "I missed you!"

Lucas laughed and picked up his daughter. She was growing up so quickly now, already in kindergarten and on a little league basketball team ("I want to be just like Daddy", she had said). He loved how much she adored him, and yet was already dreading the day that she didn't feel that way any more.

"I missed you, too," Lucas laughed, playfully twirling his daughter around. "How was your day today?"

"It was good. At school we learned about addition and Mrs. Lauren read us a story. Then when I got home me and Mommy played Barbies!"

"That sounds like a great day, and speaking of that, where is that Mommy?" He laughed, and they walked throughout the house trying to find her. Eventually they found Peyton in the kitchen cooking dinner. Wanting to have a moment with his wife alone, Lucas set Sawyer down and she ran off to play.

"That kid is just a ball of energy," he laughed when he and Peyton were alone. "I swear she goes 90 miles an hour from the moment she gets up in the morning to when she begrudgingly goes to bed at night."

"Tell me about it," Peyton laughed. "I'm the one that has to hear it most of the time."

"I know," Lucas said reassuringly. He felt bad sometimes that most of the parenting duties fell to Peyton as he was either teaching the elective writing course at Tree Hill High, coaching the Little Ravens, or working on his next novel. He was thinking about how their lives would change if they ever did welcome another child into the family, and wanted to resolve to be more present if that were to happen.

"I don't want to scare you, but after we put the girl to bed then Mommy and Daddy need to have a grown-ups talk," Peyton said seriously. "I got some news today,"

"Okay..." Lucas trailed off, hesitant. He wondered what the news could be.

The rest of the night, there was an air of unease in the house as the couple prepared to have the conversation. But they followed their nighttime routine and put Sawyer to bed and were now finally on their own, in their bedroom. Lucas laid casually on their bed, and Peyton retrieved the positive pregnancy test from the bathroom.

"I got this today," she said hesitantly, and placed it in his hand.

"Wow, okay.." Lucas looked at the piece of plastic in his hand. He wanted to be supportive, but wasn't sure how- were they happy about this? He knew how much being pregnant was scary for Peyton the first time around. It nearly cost her life, and ever since, when the topic of another baby came up, Peyton seemed skeptical at best.

"How are you feeling about this?" Lucas asked her honestly.

"Well," Peyton settled onto the bed, curling up into her husband's arms. "I want to be happy. I want to shout from the rooftops and start buying tiny clothes. But the truth is, I just can't. You know how scary it was last time. I almost died, and I know how much losing one's mother changes a person. I really don't want Sawyer to have the same fate,"

Lucas' heart broke at hearing this. It was true, he had seen how losing Anna so young had permanently changed Peyton. "Well, I say we go to the doctor and see what they have to say. Sawyer was a miracle, but who's to say this kid can't be too?"

"You're right," Peyton relaxed onto the bed, and put a hand on her stomach. It would be a few months until any growth showed, but she was surprised at how fast she was beginning to feel a connection to the life inside of her. "Let's give you a chance, little one,"

"What's up, P. Scott," Brooke said brightly as she opened the door to see her best friend and goddaughter standing outside. "To what do I owe this unexpected visit on a Saturday afternoon?"

"I have to tell you something," Peyton answered, looking happy but hesitant at the same time. Sensing Peyton's urgency, Brooke let the girls in immediately. Sawyer ran off to go play in Aunt Brooke's closet, and the two women were alone.

"What is it?" Brooke asked concernedly. "Is it good news or bad news?"

"Depends on how you look at it," Peyton replied. "Yesterday, I found out that I'm pregnant again,"

"Oh my god, Peyton," Brooke wrapped up her best friend in a tight hug. "How are you feeling?"

"Physically, fine. It's so early that there aren't any symptoms yet. But mentally, terrified. You know how scary it was last time,"

"Absolutely, I'll never forget being outside of your hospital room. Lucas and Julian both kept telling me to go home, but I couldn't leave you,"

"And I just don't want to go through that again,"

"You are the strongest woman I know, Peyton. The universe has thrown so much shit at you in twenty seven years, and you've come through it all. You've come through all of that and made a beautiful life with your soulmate. I know it's scary, but you'll be fine. The technology has improved in five years, and the doctors know your case. Everything will be okay, and in nine months you'll come back to sit on my couch with Sawyer AND another little miracle. You know I've got you every step of the way."

"Thank you, B. Davis," Peyton laughed as her and Brooke fell into each other and into a fit of giggles. "I needed that,"

Peyton went in to see the doctor as soon as they could fit her in, three days after her positive test. They told her that just because she had one rough pregnancy, didn't mean that she was automatically doomed to another, but they would monitor her condition regularly just to be sure all was going as it should. They showed her and Lucas the life that they had created on ultrasound, and right there in the dimly lit office, Peyton finally felt something other than fear. She felt hope.