A quick note regarding this. The characters of both BNHA and Madness have had their ages changed to 18 and UA is a university as opposed to a high school. This is due to the fact that I personally don't feel comfortable writing about 15-year-olds in skin-tight suits killing people. Thank you.
It was a quiet day in the city of Musutafu. People were walking up and down the sidewalk, some stopping to inspect the wares of the various stores along the street. A single officer with a cat's head leaned against a small tree, looking for but not expecting any trouble. A little girl tugged her mother toward a small ice cream stand.
The ground began to shake slightly. Everyone paused for a moment before continuing on, albeit slightly further away from windows and the street. Mild earthquakes such as that were commonplace in Japan, so why worry?
The shaking intensified. People started to clear out of buildings, children were frightened, and dogs were barking. In the middle of the street, a large crack began to open. The hole was pitch black, seemingly leading to an abyss. The earthquake stopped. A few of the braver pedestrians crept towards the hole and peaked down into it. Nothing. The darkness seemed impermeable.
A bloody hand reached out and grabbed one of the civilians. The startled man nearly jumped backward in fright, but the iron grip held him there. A second hand grabbed onto the edge of the asphalt, causing cracks to form. A tall and bloodied man pulled himself out of the hole. He stood at around 6 foot 1 and had muscles that seemed to be carved from stone.
The mother covered her child's eyes upon realizing that the man was shirtless save for the bandages wrapped around parts of his torso. He wore a pair of combat boots, cargo pants, a bandana, and a pair of black tea shades.
"Sanford! Help me up you ass!" A voice called from the abyss. 'Sanford' reached down and pulled up a slightly shorter and more...reasonably clad man. He wore a black jacket with a white tank top and sported a visor on top of his bandaged head. A G36 and a Mossberg 500 hung from his shoulders. Small, jagged rocks seemed to jut from his knuckles.
Once the 2nd man was on his feet, he blinked his eyes a few times at the bright surroundings. He looked up and nearly stumbled back into the hole.
"Holy shit! When'd the sky turn blue again? And...is that the sun? I thought -" He began speaking
"That Hank killed it? So did I." Sanford finished his thought.
"Speaking of metal mouth, where is he? Usually, he's the first up and over." The 2nd man asked before they both turned their attention back to the hole. Distant gunshots echoed out of it. The man sighed before tossing the Mossberg to Sanford and readying his own rifle.
"Guess we're not in Kansas anymore."
"Shut up, Deimos."
"What? It was a good one."
A figure shrouded in black leaped out of the crevice while firing a P90 into the void. Landing in a crouch, he kept his SMG trained on the hole. By now all the civilians had cleared out, while the one cop radioed in for backup.
The man was clad in pitch black clothes: a black long coat, black combat boots, and even a black bandana and mask. This wardrobe choice caused his blood-red goggles to stick out even more. He slapped another magazine into his gun, glanced at his surroundings, and turned to his teammates.
"Get ready for another wave." He spoke in a low, almost metallic voice.
"Not even a hello, Hank? No "glad to see you're not dead, Deimos"? Deimos asked, annoyed. Hank shrugged.
"Try dying a few more times, then maybe I'll care." He replied before pulling out a grenade.
"I'm guessing you've already noticed the sky?" Sanford inquired while checking the magazine on his shotgun.
"Saw it, didn't care. Probably another trick." Hank stated flippantly while staring at the hole.
A gloved hand grabbed the edge of the crevice. A man in a suit wearing red sunglasses slowly pulled himself out of the hole, holding a Desert Eagle in .44 in the other hand. He looked up at the group before his head was blown in half by buckshot. Blood and brains stained the sidewalk behind him as his corpse slid back down the hole.
Three more in the same get-up jumped onto the street, each holding a variety of melee weapons. 5.56 rounds ripped them to shreds. Another large crack formed on the sidewalk. A pair of soldiers wearing yellow masks raised a pair of assault rifles at the trio.
Hank dashed forward and shoved the extended barrel of his P90 through the throat of one while kicking the other back down into the abyss. Yellow blood leaked from the first soldier's neck as he choked to death. Hank tossed the grenade down the hole before turning his attention to another group of attackers.
"Dispatch, this is Officer Sansa. I need backup here. I have a trio of shooters engaging with an unknown group of unknown number." The officer whispered into his radio as he hid behind the ice cream stand.
Wave upon wave of the soldiers crawled out of the holes. Some wore suits with red shades, while others possessed yellow masks and yellow blood. All of them were gunned down. Soon the trio began to run low on ammo. Then they relied on melee weapons.
"How many of these bastards are there?" Sanford asked as he cleaved a man's skull in two with a claymore. Hank merely shrugged before grabbing a yellow blood and ripping his head off.
Deimos stabbed one agent through the neck with a pike, before turning and chucking it into another. He paused in his murder spree to pull out a cigarette. He snapped his fingers, causing a small flame to sprout from his left thumb. He lit and dragged a cigarette while watching Hank rip off an agent's lower jaw. A deep rumble came from below.
A massive clawed hand ripped through the street as an oversized agent pulled itself up through the asphalt. A pair of massive steel spikes were drilled through its skull. Its claws could rip a man in half (and probably had before).
"Uh, Hank!? We got a Mag!" Deimos shouted as he snapped his head back and forth, looking for some kind of ranged weapon. Sanford clutched the combat knife in his hand tightly.
"I'll handle it." Hank spoke calmly as he approached the hulking creature, hatchet in hand. The Mag agent bellowed in rage as it charged forward. Hank barely dodged underneath the oversized fist as it caved a crater into the street.
Blood flowed like water as hank chopped into its right arm. It howled in pain. With a flick of its wrist, it snatched Hank and chucked him into a nearby store. Rather than turning into a fine red paste, Wimbleton smashed through the brick wall. He took a moment to pop his shoulder back into place before charging back into combat.
He hurled the hatchet into the beast's face. It threw another punch toward him. He hopped onto the arm the clawed fist was attached to and wrenched the ax to the side. A deep gash was left in its deformed face. Hank shoved his own fist into the gash. It howled in rage.
Reaching behind him, hank removed his last grenade from its holster. In one smooth motion, he flicked the pin out and shoved the armed explosive into the cavity. Flipping backward off the creature, Hank watched with as close to a smug smirk as he could manage as the Mag's head was blown in two.
His attention was brought back to reality by the howling of sirens. Eight cop cars and two vans had surrounded them. Dozens of handguns, shotguns, and SMGs were pointed in their general direction.
"This is the police. You are under arrest. Lay down your weapons and get on your knees." An officer spoke into a megaphone from behind his riot shield. Hank slowly lowered both of his hands, one of which reached toward a beretta holstered behind his back.
"Leave some of them for me boys." A smooth, seductive female voice spoke.
A cloud of pink smoke billowed toward the police line. The officers backed away, however, a few were caught by it and passed out. The remaining conscious officers cheered as the woman approached; some even developed nosebleeds. Hank immediately snapped up his handgun, before slowly lowering it and muttering.
"The fuck?"
The woman strutted past the crowd of officers in black high-heeled boots and purple stockings. A black leather leotard wrapped around her waist on top of a skin-white bodysuit. A pair of broken handcuffs encircled her wrists while she whipped around a flogger-style whip. A small red mask encircled her eyes.
Deimos glanced at the others before a smirk crossed his face and he sauntered toward the scantily clad woman. She licked her lips before speaking.
"Hello there hot stuff, painting the town red tonight?" She spoke seductively. Deimos puffed up for a moment before replying.
"You know it. Tell you what, how about you leave your friends with mine and I'll take you out for a night on the town?"
The woman laughed before unzipping part of her bodysuit. Bright pink smoke began to leak out of it as she tossed a scrap of paper toward the hacker. A thin stream of blood oozed out of his nose.
"I'm the R-rated hero: Midnight. It was lovely meeting you hun." She blew him a kiss. Deimos stared at the piece of paper. A phone number.
"Hell yeah," he whispered as he keeled over, unconscious. Sanford stared at the woman warily. She frowned for a moment before a sly smile filled her face. She ripped off her right sleeve, causing an explosion of pink smoke to surround Sanford. There was a quiet thump.
She turned toward the last conscious member of the trio. Hank eyed her with disgust. She swung her arm in front of her, causing another wave of pink smoke to engulf Wimbleton. He dug his nails into his skin, causing him to bleed but stay alert. Her smile shifted to a scowl as she ripped off her other sleeve. Pink smoke was beginning to fill the entire block. Hank ripped off a chunk of skin in an effort to stay awake.
He glanced down at his wrist. He began shaking. A small smiley face had formed in his flesh. Laughter began to fill his ears. He could feel flames begin to lick at his sides. Something was breathing near his face.
"Just do what comes naturally." It whispered.
Hank collapsed to his knees, ripping off part of his mask just in time to puke up blood and pass out. Before fully fading away, he heard the stomping of boots as officers rushed towards him.
He awoke to a bright light shining in his eyes. He didn't bother trying to struggle, he could already feel the handcuffs chaining him to the chair. An officer stood in front of him, glaring intensely. To his right stood "Midnight", if that was her real name.
"Listen, buddy. Here's what's gonna happen. I'm going to ask a question and you're going to answer it. We get through enough of these, we can start talking about your sentence. Now, What's your name."
Hank thought for a moment until he remembered a certain halo-wearing prick.
"Revelation 12:9." The officer narrowed his eyes before pulling out his phone and searching up the verse. He scowled upon finding it.
"Real funny comedian. What are the names of your compatriots." The officer inquired.
"Dipshit and closet nudist," Hank replied without skipping a beat. The cop was starting to get annoyed. Midnight suppressed a chuckle.
"Why were members of the AAHW terrorist organization attacking you and your compatriots?" Hank froze at this.
"How do you know who they are?" He inquired.
"I'm the one asking the questions here. Now tell me why they were attacking you." The cop asked.
"Do you even know what AAHW stands for?" Hank growled.
"Agency Against Hank Wimbleton. I'd hate to be the guy who has the ire of a whole organization directed at him." Midnight interjected. The cop was annoyed at the interruption but sighed.
"You're looking at him," Hank said as he leaned back. The cop looked at the hero before laughing.
"You? Listen, kid, you may be good, but you're only what? 18? How could you have-"
"The fuck do you mean by "only 18"?" Hank asked, murder in his goggled eyes. The cop held up a mirror. Wimbleton nearly gasped in shock upon seeing some of his more youthful features. His jaw was still hidden, but his nose and the rest of his facial features were softer.
"Where am I? I don't remember seeing many Asians in Nevada." He probed.
"You're in Musutafu, Japan. Heart of Japan, to be exact." The officer replied with a raised eyebrow.
"What year is it?"
"2317."
"Bullshit. It's 2012." Hank growled.
"Watch your language kid. It's 2317. Last year it was 2316. Next year it's gonna be 2318." The officer reprimanded.
"Where's Deimos and Sanford?" Hank asked as he started to get fidgety.
"Ah, so that's your buddies' names. They're in the next two rooms over. It seems one has some sort of stone quirk, while the other is superhumanly strong." The officer leaned in. "I wonder what your quirk is."
"The hell is a quirk? You know what, this conversation's over." Hank stated.
"What are you talking about? Do you really think you can get out of here? We've got three dozen cops armed to the teeth and a pro hero standing right here. Listen kid just save yourself the trouble and answer the damn que- HRGH."
It took Hank a tenth of a second to flex and twist his arms hard enough to shatter the links of the handcuffs against the chair he was in. In the next moment, he grabbed the officer and twisted him around, snatching his handgun out of his holster before pressing the muzzle against his head.
"It'll take me 0.18 seconds to fire, readjust, and fire on you if you move a fucking inch," Hank growled at the woman, who had barely registered the gun. He was bluffing. His vision was already blurring from that slight exertion, but they didn't need to know that.
"You're going to release my teammates, give us a hundred thousand yen, and a laptop. All of your officers will move into the prison cells and lock themselves in. You too, miss hero. Any attempt to pursue us will result in any civilian nearby having their head blown open by this handgun. Do you understand?"
The officer remained silent. Hank pressed the gun tighter into his head.
"I asked if you understood dipshit."
"I understand. Miss Midnight, please inform the other officers. " The cop sighed.
"We can't do that chief! They're a bunch of trigger happy-" She began to argue.
"I REFUSE TO RISK THE LIVES OF INNOCENTS." The chief yelled back. Her face hardened as she nodded and left the room. A few minutes later the radio on the officer's shoulder crackled to life.
"We're in the cells. The requested items are on the front desk." A female cop reported. Sanford walked into the small room, followed by Deimos.
"Master negotiator, huh?" Deimos chuckled. Hank resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Sanford succumbed to it.
"Both of you, go to the armory and grab a gun, something small and concealable," Hank ordered. The chief growled.
"That wasn't part of the deal!"
"You really expect us to go out there, unarmed when the agency has a presence around here?" Hank grunted. Deimos jogged back into the room.
"It needs a code." He sighed. Hank squeezed on the chief's windpipe slightly.
"27593."
"Thanks, man!" Deimos ran back out. When they came back, they each had a pair of Nambu M60 revolvers. Their pockets were filled with .38 special. Deimos opened up his new laptop and began going through various files.
"What are you still doing here?" The chief grumbled. Deimos held up one finger while he continued typing.
"Aaaaaaand done. No more security footage or facial recognition. We also took the liberty of removing all the footage recorded of our arrest. Also, fuck you for not getting the blood off my shirt. Dry cleaning's a bitch." Deimos explained
The group slowly moved toward the front of the police station. Hank held onto the chief while the other two watched for any ambushes, revolvers at the ready. When they reached the front doors, the officer frowned.
"So what are you gonna do now? Kill me?" He spat out. Seven seconds later he was unconscious. Hank released pressure from his carotid arteries and allowed his unconscious body to slump to the floor. They strolled out of the building and down the sidewalk to a nearby internet cafe.
Hank pulled out a wad of yen and handed it to the barista.
"One large black coffee and..." He glanced at the other members.
"Cappucino, with a double shot of espresso," Sanford said as he tugged at the uncomfortably tight t-shirt he wore.
"OH! OH! Can I get a caramel frappe?" Deimos begged before turning back to his laptop. Hank frowned before turning back to the barista.
"One large black coffee, double shot espresso cappuccino, and the bitterest drink you have for sale." The woman behind the counter nodded before starting preparation for his order. Hank walked back and sat down with the others.
"Has anyone been able to figure out why everyone speaks English despite the fact we're in Japan?" Sanford inquired as he stared at the skyline. Deimos Shrugged.
"Maybe the Auditor was lazy and tossed us into the dubbed version of this anime stereotype?"
"The what version?" Sanford glanced over at Deimos.
"Ha. Normie." Deimos chuckled before taking a sip of his drink...and promptly spitting it out all over the window.
"GAHK! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!" Deimos practically screamed before chugging a bottle of water he stole from the police station.
"Karma for the puns. What have you been able to gather on these 'quirks'?" Hank asked as took a long drink of his coffee. He scowled.
"What's it taste like?" Sanford asked before taking a sip of his.
"Same as usual. Ash." Hank said before downing the rest in one gulp. He needed the caffeine.
"So quirks are basically superpowers," Deimos announced.
"Ok. Now, what are they actually." Hank growled.
"No, I'm serious man. Invisibility, flight, turning gigantic, super strength, you name it. Anything you've heard of or seen in a comic book they have here. Hell, technically I have one, what with the rocks. I'm pretty sure you and San qualify as well, freaks of nature." He explained before taking another tentative sip of his drink. The resulting gag disturbed the whole cafe.
"I wouldn't call these babies anything but labors of love," Sanford stated as he flexed his arms. The biceps were almost the size of his head.
"Nudist," Hank muttered under his breath before signaling for Deimos to continue.
"Anyway, it says here that people with exceptional quirks can become government-licensed heroes to fight against crime and villains. Sweet! I always wanted to do something like this when I was a kid. Beat the big bad guy, get the girl, ride off into the sunset..." Deimos sighed as he leaned back into his chair.
"That still doesn't explain why everyone here is speaking perfect English," Hank grunted.
"You know, from where I'm standing, you all seem to be speaking perfect Japanese." A male voice spoke calmly behind them. They all turned to see a man with long unkempt hair wearing a black pair of pants and long sleeves. A grey-ish scarf concealed most of his face. He walked toward the group and took a seat at the table. On his shoulder stood a small mouse in a suit.
"Good afternoon Mr. Wimbleton." The mouse spoke in a relaxed manner. Hank slowly gripped his handgun. Sanford reached for his while Deimos tightened his fists, causing jagged rocks to slowly grow from his knuckles.
"Good afternoon to you as well, Mr. Sanford and Mr. Deimos. I'm sure you're all wondering what I am. 'Is he a mouse? A dog? Perhaps even a miniature bear?' It doesn't matter. All you need to know for now is that I'm the principal of UA University." The Principal continued. He adjusted his tie for a moment before returning his gaze toward Hank.
"Now, Mr. Wimbleton, Most major heroes are now well aware of your group's existence, despite Mr. Deimos's excellent hacking display." Deimos jumped to his feet, his left hand reaching for the revolver in his back pocket.
"Now now young man, there's no need for aggression. If you take a moment, I'm sure you'll notice that every customer in this cafe, and even the barista, is a hero of some sort." The mouse added a chuckle at the end. True to his word, all the customers briefly demonstrated their various quirks.
One man had long golden hair, and was wearing a white t-shirt that said 'Civillian'. He was covered in bulging muscles and had a massive grin on his face. Sunglasses covered his eyes and a brown mustache sat upon his upper lip. Several of the other 'customers' were staring at him like a deer in the headlights.
"So have you come to take us back in?" Hank asked lowly. The man the mouse stood on seemed to tense in anger at the question. The principal merely shook his head.
"I'd like to offer you a place at my school, UA University."
Silence filled the air as Hank stared at the mouse.
"No-" He began.
"YES! ALL THE YES!" Deimos shouted before Hank grabbed him by the neckline of his tank top and practically yanked him over the table.
"What the hell are you doing?" He whispered to the excited hacker.
"This is a chance to be literal superheroes dude! Who would pass that up?" Deimos whisper-argued back.
"You know I can understand you, gentlemen, quite clearly?" The Principal cleared his throat while tapping his foot on the scarf-wearing man's shoulder. Hank turned to him with a scowl on his face.
"You haven't bothered to give us your name, rat." He spat out in anger.
"Oh! Of course, where are my manners? You may refer to me as Mr. Nezu, although I prefer the title 'Principle' or 'Headmaster'." Mr. Nezu said with a slight chuckle.
"Listen, rat. You're gonna take your bodyguards and leave this building. If we won't come out in 10 minutes, piss off back to your 'University'." Hank finished before turning back to his comrades-in-arms.
"So be it. I will have to warn you that if you don't accept my frankly gracious offer, my fellow heroes here will have to take you into custody. Come Mr. Aizawa, let's give the young men some time to think." The Principle tapped on Aizawa's shoulder. The man stood up and stiffly walked out of the cafe. Sanford gently set down his empty mug.
"I'm going to have to agree with Deimos on this one." He stated calmly. Hank nearly broke off a piece of the table as he gripped his hands.
"What!" He hissed quietly.
"We have no way of getting back to Nevada right now. Either Doc finds a way to hook us back into our reality, or we hope that the agency branch here has an improbability drive. Even then, if they do have a drive, the odds are probably a million to one that we get what we want." Sanford explained.
"So we just lay low and go after the agency," Hank argued.
"Or we could do some good for once," Sanford replied with crossed arms.
"These people are soft! You saw how easily the police crumbled to a mere threat. They even gave us the code for the armory!" Hank muttered.
"That's exactly why they need us! They need a trio of badasses to come in and do what they can't or won't do. If we get licensed as heroes, we don't have to worry about being arrested as vigilantes!" Deimos spoke in a quiet yet excited voice. Sanford merely pointed to him while nodding. Hank resisted the urge to punch a hole through the window...barely.
"You know what. Fine. We'll play hero. Then when they realize they've got a bunch of psychotic murderers working for them, you'll deal with the consequences." Hank replied.
"YES! Ok where did that little rodent-man go?" Deimos asked as he stood up. The trio strolled out of the cafe toward Aizawa and a woman with blonde hair in a purple, tan, and orange bodysuit with...horns. Sanford leaned over to Deimos.
"What the hell is it with women here and the skin-tight suits?" He whispered. Deimos shrugged while holding a tissue to his nose.
"I'm not complaining." He replied. Principal Nezu turned toward the group, still standing on Aizawa's shoulder.
"Ah, Mr. Wimbleton! I see you've made your decision with..." He checked a small gold pocket watch. "6 minutes to spare!"
"Listen, these two chucklefucks will be dealing with you. I'm just going along with this plan because I frankly have nothing better to do." Hank roughly replied. The distinct sound of a newspaper being ripped in two filled the air. Loud, thudding footsteps approached the group. Hank turned to see the badly disguised, blond giant. He was now missing his mustache.
"That's not a very hero-like attitude young man." The giant chided. Hank simply shrugged.
"I'm no hero old man."
All Might sputtered for a few moments, before pinching the bridge of his nose and walking away. Hank only briefly wondered why there was a puff of smoke before turning back to the mouse.
"Understandable Mr. Wimbleton. It's obvious that the place you and your compatriots come from is quite a bit more...brutal than our own home. Now, Mr. Deimos and Mr. Sanford, I simply must ask, how old are you?" The mouse inquired. The two in question glanced at each other. Sanford gazed up at the sky while Deimos seemed to count on his fingers.
"27." Sanford answered.
"24." Deimos replied after finishing his calculations. The mouse turned toward Hank. He shrugged.
"I don't remember." He responded sullenly.
"Hmm, how peculiar. You all appear to roughly be around the age of 18. This makes th-" The principal began.
"Wait wait wait, 18? How the- when did- what?" Deimos began to hyperventilate. Hank facepalmed while Sanford sighed.
"Did you seriously not notice it? Come on Dei, we've seen holes, in reality, be torn open and an unkillable clown, but being de-aged is what freaks you out?" Sanford spoke.
"To be honest, I didn't realize that my age had changed. I had just assumed it was you two." Hank admitted. Sanford shrugged before glancing at himself pridefully.
"At least I still have these." He said while flexing the various muscles across his body. The Principal cleared his throat.
"Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I was going to say that this actually is perfect. You will be able to enroll at my university and no one will bat an eye. We'll still have you take the entrance exam, for formality's sake of course." The principal explained. Deimos visibly deflated.
"An exam? Kill me now." He complained. Sanford flinched at the unintentional dark pun.
"Now now, It's not a written test. But rather...a physical one. I can't spoil anything yet, but given your particular talents, it should be right up your alley." The mouse finished with a laugh. His face turned serious.
"However there is one caveat." The principal stated. Hank narrowed his eyes.
"You will not be allowed to carry any firearms with you. Please relinquish the ones you have to Mr. Aizawa." The mouse ordered. Sanford looked at one another before shrugging and passing over the revolvers and ammo.
"Now you Mr. Wimbleton."
"No."
"Excuse me?" The Principal asked, shocked.
"You heard me loud and clear, rat."
"Mr. Wimbleton, either relinquish your weapon, or we will take it from you."
"Go fuck yourself." Hank spat back. The principal sighed. He snapped his fingers twice.
"Ms. Midnight?" There was a sound of gas being released into the air. Hank glanced behind him just in time to see a pink cloud billow around him.
"Oh you bi-"
THUMP