Fandom – Dive! / ダイブ
Title – the only ones who exist in this world.
Pairing – Youichi x Tomo
Rating – PG-13
Description – Youichi is moving away, but there's something he needs Tomo to know…
Disclaimer – Mori Eto owns the rights to Dive.
/The coaches had told us to get a good rest for the next day's meet so we were let out earlier than usual. Without more than an enthusiastic wave goodbye, Reiji jetted off before I could even politely object.
So I found myself walking with Youichi down the trimmed, tree-lined path leading home under the scarlet sky.
"Where's the girl that used to walk you here?"
"Oh, Miu? She and I broke up a while ago."
"Can I ask why?"
"She went with my brother. Seems he can take care of her better than I ever could."
"I see…"
I didn't quite know how to react about the subject even though I logically told myself it was a deliberate choice. But living with a decision and understanding the real repercussions of the doors opened and closed with it weren't exactly what I'd thought I'd fight against myself about.
Youichi walked on a little before me and then turned around, gripping onto his bag and bike.
"Was she interesting to you?"
"Hmm?" I caught up to him and we're strolling side-by-side again. "Everyone asks how I felt about it, but you're the first to ask about her."
He tilts his head and finally stops to look at me. "Why'd you get with her knowing you weren't really invested?"
There's a tone of slight scolding, implying I'd led her on.
At this, I got a bit annoyed.
"I don't know," I defended myself. "I guess I didn't know how to reject her or wanted to know what it felt like to have a girlfriend?"
I added bitterly, "Geez. As if you've never made mistakes…"
I'm beginning to feel guilty about it all over again, but for a different reason…
"You really have no idea about yourself, do you?"
"What's that supposed to mean? I've changed since back then, even if it's not too long ago. I know better now."
With dead seriousness, I told him as I stared directly into his eyes, "She never captured me the way diving has."
He nodded to himself. "Is that so?"
Ruffling through my hair, I thought I saw him smile and my heart beats pushed mercilessly through my ears.
While waving goodbye, he gestured that we finally got to the spot where we usually separated. I was a little surprised it'd come so soon.
"See you tomorrow, Tomo."
What he didn't know was that I hung onto that infinitely small wish everyday./
the only ones who exist in this world.
by Miyamoto Yui
With my toes curling on the edge, I push off the diving board to a powerfully smooth jump.
SWOOSH~!
All I can do is watch upwards, counting the rotations while my body fights the air before merging with the water. Opening my eyes to the underground blue, it's absolutely quiet. Even the noise in my head mutes itself.
It's only a few seconds of pure peace, but I savor it for all it's worth.
When my head reaches the surface, I open my mouth to engulf the air. And the atmospheric noise restarts its path through my ears once more.
Youichi holds out his hand with that ever cool attitude. "That was pretty good."
I take it to stand back on the cement. "Thanks."
Like always, he walks off to do whatever is next in his regiment.
I shouldn't read anything into it, but even years later, the chasm of aching deepens as well as widens with stopwatch precision. I want to fill it with something else. I need to, but that would mean to twist the carving knife I already thrust neatly into my own heart.
If only you didn't give me that look that day…
Taking a shower, I press my hands onto the tile wall. My head bends forward to camouflage the barrage of water linking with the tears stubbornly staying on my eyelids.
This is so stupid. Why am I so dumb?! Why'd I follow him knowing it'd come to nothing?
Am I really regretting it now?
Why am I acting like tomorrow won't be any different from today? That he'll show up here like he always does…
Well, yes, of course this is just a temporary stop on his course of life. A stepping stone for his diving career.
I really have no right to protest against him studying abroad.
So lost and confused within my own thoughts, I barely hear my name.
"Tomo…Tomo…?"
Turning off the water, Youichi stands just outside my stall door.
I quietly remain there, dripping and naked.
"Are you okay?"
He reaches for me, but I step back. My shoulder hits the side wall, but it doesn't even register in my brain that it'll bruise.
His eyes open widely in surprise as he pulls his hand back. "I didn't mean to startle you."
I shake my head. "No, don't worry about it. I'm okay."
Rotating my shoulder to reassure him, I smile, "See?"
But he stands at the door and I can't run away.
"Do you have time to talk after practice?"
"Sorry. I've got a test tomorrow so I really need to study."
"I see."
"Tomorrow then?"
"Aren't you leaving?"
"I'm not going until tomorrow night."
"Actually, I have two tests the next day-"
"Why are you avoiding me lately?"
My lips clamp shut.
"I'm not avoiding you *sneeze*." I rub my nose and nudge the door. "Do you mind stepping aside so that I can get my towel?"
"Here." He hands it over, but doesn't budge.
I'm already thinking of a plan to go under the adjoining stall and out that door.
"We need to get out soon because they're going to close the whole building, Youichi."
He moves away when I push the door, but as soon as I go through, he clamps onto my wrist. My gaze points sideways.
"This isn't funny. I really need to study."
"Do you hate me?"
Immediately, my eyes meet his. "No, of course not."
"Then why won't you say anything?"
"To what?"
I'm clearly in denial…though you've probably figured it all out…
And that's more hurtful and humiliating than I can take right now.
He sighs. "It really was all in my head."
I continue to observe him with a poker face refusing to fold. And it seems I've won this small ruse because he releases me and I change without another word from him.
Shh shh…
The shower is still running when I slip out of the bathroom and gather my things from the locker. When I say goodbye to Coach Asaki and Coach Ooshima, I deftly glide out. Clenching my fists, I find myself running into the monochrome darkness with my bag hitting my back.
But I don't get very far.
At the park, in a partially secluded area with bushes around me, I start to tremble. I was never one to hold myself back or pretend one emotion over the other, but with everything tumbling out of me, I hug my knees and simply cry.
I'm very grateful for a place outside the light with no lamp to highlight my sobbing.
/"Are you really applying to that high school?"
"Yeah…" I scratched my head, afraid my facial expression would give my true reason away.
"Oh…"
"Yes?"
"Nothing. Just thought it'd be nice. Good luck."/
It was ridiculous to go to his high school knowing he was going to graduate by the time I came and it more than backfired. As he became more popular with advertisements painted on the walls of Tokyo, I saw him less and less even if we were in the same club.
/The sun was setting as I swept the classroom. Though it's only been ten minutes since everyone's left, I quickly fixed it so that I could rush to practice. I never complained about my class duties, but there were times my consciousness flew between the club and here.
Looking at the blackboard, I lost all awareness and almost hit my already hurt wrist on the edge of a desk, but luckily caught it in the nick of time. I glanced at it forlornly and resumed sweeping rapidly in earnestness. My mind, however, endlessly repeated the afternoon before when I'd stood at the doorway of his lecture hall…
Some girl asked Youichi a question about somersault positions since she was a diver representing their college. He obliged out of politeness, but when she snuggled against him to show her phone, he cleared his throat.
I, who had been staring all that time since he'd told me to come meet him there, hid behind the wall and ignored the rest of their interaction. Leaving for a few minutes, I returned to feign an apology for being late. Without missing a beat, he noticed the bruise I'd failed to cover and so we walked out with him pulling me in a gruff.
The girl blinked her eyes, baffled at how attentive he was to me.
The dinner I'd ordered and eaten in his apartment was practically tasteless. I couldn't concentrate on anything he was talking about either.
That adorable, curly-haired girl circled my thoughts like a bad dream.
"Ah yes, that's what it should be like," I kept thinking to myself.
It wasn't the first time I'd witness little incidents of this nature. And they pushed me further into the dirt every single time I saw them./
Even if we were in the same tournaments, I was still far away from reaching the standard he'd set and accomplished. I was moving too slowly for my taste and then I'd force myself to go beyond my mental and flesh borders. Over and over, the cycle would spin until I felt somewhat satisfied, if not a little broken from overuse.
I never could stop pushing to reach my ideal self.
But I'd stop short when it comes to you.
And before I know it, the darkness embraces me. Scared, I thrash back until I hear his voice: "Everything will be all right."
My tear-stained face looks up to Youichi's calm one. On his knees, he pulls me even though I try to tear his arms away. The more he brings me closer towards him.
"Let me hug you for a bit and then you can pretend this never happened."
Squeezing me tighter, my head glances at the tree leaves' silhouettes.
"I've got to go…" I faintly say. "Why are you acting so weird today-"
"I'm in love with you, Tomo."
His right hand grabs my shoulder as his left arm wraps and presses over my stomach.
"Aren't you getting our friendship mixed up?" I dismiss his confession, downplaying it. "We've always been close."
"TOMO."
"You're making too much of a big deal about this. We'll text one another and stuff. I'll see you at the international meets. Nothing much will change. Just your location." My heart anesthetizes itself into numbness. "Besides, you're the one who said diving was everything."
Vengefully, I hope that statement stabs into him.
"You're right. I did." He lets go, but his arms hug my shoulders. "But you mean just as much to me."
"Stop confusing me, Youichi!"
"Give me your blessing to go," he gently whispers. "Then I won't have any doubts."
"Of course you can go," I snap, the discord jarring even my own ears. "You don't need my permission. I don't own you."
I almost can't breathe. His straitjacket grip constrains my whole body.
"Yes you do."
"You're going crazy-"
"Don't hate me because of what I said." Pushing his head against the back of mine, I realize pieces of his armor crumbling away. The sturdiness of his whole manner disintegrates into dust.
And it is for me.
All for the same fear I've had this entire time ever since he glanced at me when I stood there talking to Miu about pancakes.
"I…" I hang my head, watching the grass below and gripping my hands into fists.
The images of that girl's beaming face along with him holding his index finger to say he's number one collide inside my mind…
No, I won't think twice this time.
Unclasping my hands, I slightly turn to grab his cheeks and brush my lips against his mouth. He blinks at me in surprise. I lean over again to peck his half open lips.
Still in shock, I begin to laugh. For someone so strong and straight-forward, this person who doesn't hesitate to do the impossible when it comes to his sport, is dumbstruck by what should have been cleared up a few years ago.
Pulling his neck so that he'd come closer to me, I tell him, "I've been scared all this time to tell you too."
Closing my eyes, the ache rumbling from the middle of my chest suddenly lulls into serenity, but my cheek presses into his, blushing and sticky. He doesn't seem to mind as he inhales slowly.
"I always knew you were my lucky charm."
Feeling the smile spreading on his face, it makes me happy and I grin too.
The wind brushes the tips of the leaves and we stay hugging one another for a while. But when I think he's going to finally pull away, his hand tugs on my pants, pulling on the zipper.
"Youichi?"
He clumsily licks my ear and bites on the lobe.
"Mmph~!" I wince as I clasp onto the grass and some dirt, but one arm still holds him close.
His hand probing deeper, I grip onto him tighter when he grasps onto my skin. Panting, my eyes flutter from excitement and fear that we'll get caught.
I'm enjoying his fingers so much, I close my eyes tightly and breathe into his ear.
It isn't the first time I've thought of him like this. I just didn't know my heated imagination would ever become real.
"I'm kind of glad it got hard." The low vibrations of his voice deeply caress my ear canal.
"Who do you think I think of when it does?" Some sweat drops from my chin with my cheeks searing.
He doesn't say anything as his hand strokes me slower.
"Mmm…Ah….AH~!"
He torments me until my whimpering becomes a little louder with saliva running down the side of my mouth. My fingers cling onto his blouse with the fabric slightly tearing.
I want him to feel good too, but he shakes his head, enjoying my face as he brushes the wet pieces of hair clinging from my forehead and eyeing me with a gentleness I rarely see. And yet, I can recall the times he's given me this expression…
Now I know why.
"Nngh…" I let go of the grass and turn my entire body around to fully face him. Clinging onto his shoulders and avoiding his stare, I push myself against his hand. He suddenly changes the tempo to reckless and I lift my gaze to look right into his soul.
He gazes at me for a few seconds and I feel like we're the only ones who exist in this world.
I…
I think I understand now why you chose me…
Leaning forward, I lick his lips. He awkwardly begins to choke when I push my tongue as far as it can go. But even as his eyes water, he kisses me just as hard until I moan loudly into his mouth, quivering…
+/+/+/+/+/
The next day at the airport, I glance at the computer monitor to see the exact time his flight for China will be. But I know I'm starting to break down and so I retreat to the bathroom to prepare myself not to cry when he departs on his quest to study at different diving schools around the world.
But as soon as I finish washing my hands, he pulls me into one of the stalls and pushes me against a wall. His hands are next to my head as he gives me a long and thorough kiss, pressing his thigh in between both of mine. I gasp while kissing him back, returning the warmth of his feelings grinding into me.
When he pulls away, he gives me a wide smile as he looks me straight in the eye. Whatever he wants to say is stuck in his throat and yet I feel the need to give him reassurance though his pride won't ever let him ask for it.
"I love you. Never forget."
His eyes widen and then squint, turning red as he swallows hard when my words clasp onto his body. He tries to keep his tone nice and steady when he says, "I'll be waiting for you."
I walk a few paces behind him as he goes back to the security gates leading to the boarding gates. He takes up his duffel bag and says goodbye to his mother, who is trying hard not to tear up as she embraces him. His father holds the top of his head. Coach Asaki says to never let his guard down, but to have fun too. And that she'll try to eat at some café they visited. Coach Ooshima grins and reminds him to take good care of himself for our sake. Ryou and Reiji wave and wish him luck. He even laughs at Shibuki watching everything from Reiji's phone, thanking him for virtually coming to seeing him off.
Standing to the side, he comes to me and holds his hand out to fist bump me, but I hold and crush it, pushing my palm into his knuckles.
"Good luck, Youichi."
I let go and that's when I watch his back turn away from me. It affects me more than it should.
"I'll be there very soon," I whisper under my breath.
He nods his head.
Showing his ID and boarding pass, he doesn't turn around one last time for us.
But then I see him slipping something over his hand while walking up the stairs. As he lifts up his arm with a fist in the air in future victory, there's an inconspicuously thin, blue bracelet on his wrist. It's the first thing I gave to him out of admiration and winning a competition around the time we first met.
It was a childish gift given for inspiring me to challenge the concrete dragon.
Tears instantly burn my eyes and I'm beside myself for a moment.
I wonder how long I've made you wait for me already?
Owari. / The End.
-
Author's note: I really wanted to do a fic for a while about Youichi's conflict with his dad, but something clicked and I thought of writing for Tomo instead. I'm not exactly sure where this came from, but it felt right. It's simple, but I really do enjoy the Tomo/Youichi pairing. There's just something about them that is just plain beautiful.
Youichi doesn't say so much, but his expressions say a lot. I always feel like he's talking a lot more in his head than aloud to others. And Tomoki pushes him uniquely different to others in the series.
Since the moment they met, they always seem to be focused on one another and I find that heartwarming…
Love always,
Yui
7/31/2021 3:04:08 PM – Los Angeles
8/1/2021 7:04:08 AM – Tokyo