Your prompt:
Dave: Why are you on the floor?
Jack: I'm depressed.
Jack: Also I was stabbed, can you get Henry, please.
Your prompt:
Dave: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me
Jack: Okay, but in my defense, Henry bet me 50 cents I couldn't drink all that shampoo.
Dave: That's not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!
Your prompt:
Dave: How many kids do you have?
Jack: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?
Your prompt:
Dave: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?
Jack: Oh, I'm always running
Jack: The question is from what
Your prompt:
Dave, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
Jack: But – that's just a trash can.
Dave: It sure is!
Your prompt:
Dave: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Jack: Dave, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.
Your prompt:
Dave: Can you keep a secret?
Jack: Do you know anything about my life?
Dave: No I do not. Good point.
Your prompt:
Dave: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
Jack: That's why I carry two swords.
Your prompt:
Dave: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail
Jack: No it's my fault, I shouldn't've used my one phone call to prank call the police
Your prompt:
Dave: Okay, help me please!
Jack: Got two words for you.
Dave: I bet they won't be helpful.
Jack: Your problem.
Dave: I was right
Your prompt:
Dave: Change is inedible.
Jack: Don't you mean inevitable?
Dave, spitting out coins: No, I did not.
Your prompt:
Dave: It's dark in here
Jack: Don't worry dude I got this
Jack: *Stomps their feet*
Jack: *Skechers light up*
Your prompt:
Dave: I turned out perfectly fine!
Jack: Dave, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast
Dave: I DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!
Your prompt:
Dave: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.
Jack: You're like 15 years old
Dave: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!
Your prompt:
Dave: *Stubs their toe* FUCK!
Jack: Mind your language!
Dave: What else am I supposed to say, "Woe is I"???
Jack:
Dave: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.
Your prompt:
Dave, going over Jack's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you're creative.
Jack: Yes
Dave: Okay... may I know what you create?
Dave: Problems.
Your prompt:
Dave: What is your biggest weakness?
Jack: I can be uncooperative.
Dave: Okay, can you give me an example?
Jack: No.
Your prompt:
Dave: WHAT'S YOUR TYPE
Jack: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially
Dave, desperately, as Jack bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Jack: Oh! B positive.
Dave: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Jack:
Your prompt:
Dave, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Jack: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!
Dave, with the tone of someone who is used to Jack: Outstanding.
Dave: This is what I'm talking about people
Your prompt:
Dave: *Accidentally hits Jack in the face*
Dave: *Trying to decide between saying 'I'm fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'*
Dave: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
Jack: What's wrong with you?!
Your prompt:
Dave: I can explain.
Jack: Can you?
Dave: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.
Your prompt:
Dave: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.
Jack: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.
Your prompt:
Dave: I've already sent good vibes your way… they're coming. There's nothing you can do to stop them.
Jack: This is the most threatening way I've ever been cheered up.
Your prompt:
Dave: Hey, you want some leftovers?
Jack: What's that?
Dave: You've never had leftovers???
Jack: No, because I'm not a quitter.
Your prompt:
Dave: I'm gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.
Jack: Only if you also don't ask why
Jack: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick.
Dave:
Jack:
Dave: This one is fine
Your prompt:
Dave: Am I in trouble?
Jack: Take a guess.
Dave: No?
Jack: Take another guess.
Your prompt:
Dave: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.
Jack, drinking toast: Why do you say that
Your prompt:
Dave: I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you
Jack: 10 times 0 is still 0 though
Dave: Jokes on you, I can't do math
Your prompt:
Dave: If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube, well I think that'd be a neat noise
Jack: I beg to differ
Dave: Then Beg
Your prompt:
Dave: I made tea.
Jack: I don't want tea.
Dave: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.
Jack: Then why are you telling me?
Dave: It is a conversation starter.
Jack: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Dave: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.
Your prompt:
Dave, struggling to keep upright in their 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don't really think heels are for me
Jack, pointing at them and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.
Your prompt:
Dave: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-
Jack: Twelve, actually.
Dave: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?
Jack: Yours!
Dave: That's right: no one's.
Your prompt:
Dave: God, give me patience.
Jack: I think you mean 'give me strength'.
Dave: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.
Your prompt:
Dave: Here's a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Jack: Dave no.
Dee: Mistlefoe.
Jack: Please stop encouraging them.
Your prompt:
Dave: I trust Jack.
Dee: You think they know what they're doing?
Dave: I wouldn't go that far.
Your prompt:
Dave: Jack, keep an eye on Dee today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Jack: Sure, I'd love to see Dee get punched.
Dave: Try again.
Jack, sighing: I will stop Dee from getting punched.
Your prompt:
Dave: Dee and I are having a baby.
Jack: That's gre-
Dave, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here.
Your prompt:
Dave, about Jack: Apparently we're getting someone new in the group.
Steven: Are we stealing them?
Peter: New or used?
Dave: Wonderful responses, both of you.
Your prompt:
Dave: Jack, I'm sad.
Jack: *Holds out arms for a hug* It's going to be okay.
Steven: Peter, I'm sad.
Peter, nodding: mood.
Your prompt:
Dave: Have you seen a person named 'Jack' around here?
Steven: Ugh, yes. They made a horrible mess of the blood fountain.
Peter: It looks fine to me?
Steven: IT USED TO BE WATER!!!
Your prompt:
Dave: Truth or dare?
Jack: Dare
Dave: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room
Jack: Hey Steven
Steven, blushing: Yeah?
Jack: Could you move? I'm trying to get to Peter
Your prompt:
Dave: I think Peter was right.
Jack: I'm surprised they haven't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'
Steven: They wouldn't do that.
Peter: You're right, Steven. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.
Peter: *turns around, the shirt they're wearing says 'Peter Told You So' on the back*
Your prompt:
Dave: How did none of you hear what I just said?
Jack: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.
Steven: I got distracted about halfway through.
Peter: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.
Your prompt:
Dave: *Screams*
Jack: *Screams louder to establish dominance*
Steven: Should we do something?
Peter: No, I want to see who wins.
Your prompt:
Dave: Hah! 69! You know what that means?
Jack: What?
Steven: That you're a child.
Peter: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?
Your prompt:
Dave: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.
Jack: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.
Steven: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?
Peter: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.
Your prompt:
Dave, banging on the door: Jack! Open up!
Jack: Well, it all started when I was a kid...
Steven: No, they meant-
Peter: Let them finish.
Your prompt:
Dave: Tonight, one of you will betray us.
Jack: Is it me, Dave?
Dave: No, it's not you.
Steven: Is it me, Dave?
Dave: It's not you either.
Peter: Is it me, Dave?
Dave:
Dave, mockingly: Is IT mE Dave?
Your prompt:
Dave, Jack, and Steven are sitting on a bench
Peter: Why do you guys look so sad?
Dave: Sit down with us so we can tell you.
Peter sits down*
Jack: The bench is freshly painted.
Your prompt:
Dave: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.
Jack:
Steven:
Peter:
Everyone Else At Dave's Surprise Birthday Party:
Jack: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.
Your prompt:
Dave: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!
Jack: Oh yeah? You're the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD
Dave: I'm leaving you, and I'M TAKING STEVEN WITH ME
Peter, picking up the monopoly board: I think we're gonna stop playing now.
Your prompt:
Jack: You have to apologize to Dee
Peter: Fine.
Peter: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.
Your prompt:
Jack: While I'm gone, Dee, you're in charge.
Dee: Yes!!!
Jack, whispering: Peter, you're secretly in charge.
Peter: Obviously.
Your prompt:
Jack: I know you snuck out last night, Dee.
Peter: Play dumb!
Dee: Who's Dee?
Peter: NOT THAT DUMB!!!
Your prompt:
Jack, to Dee: My life is in the hands of an idiot!
Dee, motioning to themself and Peter: No no no no no, TWO idiots!
Your prompt:
Jack, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Dee, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you're staying home and having my kids
Peter: what the fuck are you guys doing?
Jack: playing systemic oppression
Your prompt:
Dave: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Jack: 'Prettiest Smile'
Steven: 'Nicest Personality'
Peter: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Dee: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'
Your prompt:
Dave: Are we really going to let Jack keep Steven?
Peter: We kept Dee.
Your prompt:
Dave: I've done a lot of dumb stuff.
Jack: I witnessed the dumb stuff.
Steven: I recorded the dumb stuff.
Peter: I joined in on the dumb stuff.
Dee: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!
Your prompt:
Dave: You're a loose cannon, Jack.
Jack: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?
Steven: I think you play by your own rules.
Peter: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.
Dave: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.
Jack: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Dee is a loose cannon.
Dee: *smashes a chair*
Your prompt:
Dave: What does 'take out' mean?
Jack: Food.
Steven: Dating
Peter: Murder
Dee: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.
Your prompt:
Dave: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.
Jack: This knife is actually a magic wand.
Steven: Meet me in the Denny's parking lot for a wizard duel.
Peter: *cocks gun* Magic missile.
Dee: What the fuck is wrong with you people.
Your prompt:
Dave: Good morning.
Jack: Good morning.
Steven: Good morning.
Peter: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.
Dee: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS
Your prompt:
Dave: Bye Jack! Bye Steven! Bye Peter! Bye Dee! Bye Jack!
Steven: You said 'bye Jack' twice.
Dave: I like Jack.
Your prompt:
Dave: You kidnapped Jack? That's illegal!
Steven: But Dave, what's more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing Jack, or destroying our dreams?
Dave: Kidnapping Jack, Steven!!!
Peter: Dave, listen, whatever I may think of you right now- these guys are counting on you to inspire them!
Dave: What, to kidnap people?!?!
Peter: To work together!
Dave: TO KIDNAP PEOPLE?!?!?!?!
Dee: Dave, we all agreed a celebrity is a not a people.
Your prompt:
Dave: That's it, we're gonna go out and find what we need!
Peter: To the city?
Dave: Yeah, no matter what!
Dee: Well- How exactly do you propose we do that, exactly?
Dave: I... I don't know!
Jack: Oh come off it, be serious!
Dave: I am serious!
Jack: You're insane!
Steven: Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved!
Everyone:
Dave: What???
Steven: Or maybe it was a basset hound!
Jack, panicked: YOU'RE ALL INSANE!
Your prompt:
Dave, trying to convince Dee to join the group: You know... I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really... strong!
Jack: And loud!
Steven: And grumpy!
Peter: And oblivious to reality!
Dee:
Your prompt:
Dave: I'm an idiot.
Jack:
Steven:
Peter:
Dee:
Dave:
Jack: If you're waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.
Your prompt:
Dave: Nothing in life is free.
Jack: Love is free!
Steven: Adventure is free.
Peter: Knowledge is free.
Dee: Everything is free if you take it without paying.
Your prompt:
Dave: Is having a penis fun?
Jack: It has its ups and downs.
Steven: Sometimes it's a little hard.
Peter: It's a pain in the ass.
Dee: Oh, Jesus, fuck, guys, come on
Your prompt:
Dave: Looking left cause you don't treat me right
Jack: Looking right because you left
Steven: Looking up cause you let me down
Peter: Looking down cause you fucked up
Dee: What is wrong with you guys
Your prompt:
Dave: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?
Jack: Have everyone stand.
Steven: Bring three more chairs!
Peter: The most important ones can sit down.
Dee: Kill three.
Your prompt:
Dave: We've been conducting an ongoing study to see what Steven will and will not eat.
Jack: Grass? Yes!
Dave: Moss? Yes!!
Jack: Leaves? Ohh, yes!
Dave: Shoelaces? Strange but true!
Jack: Worms? Sometimes!
Dave: Rocks? Usually nah.
Jack: Twigs? Usually!
Dave: Dee's cooking? Inconclusive!
Peter: How did you… test this?
Dave: You just hand them stuff and say 'eat this' and if they eat it, they eat it.
Peter: ... I don't know how to feel about this.
Dee: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?
Your prompt:
Dave: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
Jack: Several traffic violations.
Steven: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Peter: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Dee: Also, that's not our car.
Your prompt:
Dave: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.
Jack: ... Your what?
Dave: My friends.
Steven: Are they saying "friends"?
Peter: I think they're being sarcastic.
Dee: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Dave! All of your friends are in this room.
Dave: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.
Your prompt:
Dave: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?
Jack: Rude.
Steven: That's fair.
Peter: Not again.
Dee: Are you going to want this back?
Your prompt:
Dave: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life
Jack: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!
Steven: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!
Peter: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!
Dee: My moral code, is that you?
Dave:
Dave: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?
Your prompt:
Dave: Where's Jack, Steven, and Peter?
Dee: They're playing hide and seek.
Dave: Where?
Dee: I don't think you get how this game works.
Your prompt:
Dave: Favorite horror movie?
Jack: It
Steven: Saw
Peter: Annabelle
Dee: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I'd be the only one who didn't know the lyrics
Your prompt:
Dave: So uhhh... my question is: my friend keeps on going into the pantry and grabbing handfuls of fettuccine... uncooked...
Peter: I would hope they're not grabbing handfuls of cooked fettuccine!
Dee: In your pantry!
Dave: Yeah... and eating them raw, and they keep calling them 'chips'. ... How do I make them stop?
Peter: Is your friend here?
Dave, motioning to Jack: Yeah.
Peter, to Jack: You're a monster! Words MEAN things! :(
Steven: Does anybody remember- I haven't been to Olive Garden in many moons- but they DO have a like- fettuccine bottle that you can just- grab em out of and chew-
Steven: HOLD ON. WAS THIS A PRANK YOU GUYS PULLED ON ME WHEN WE WENT TO OLIVE GARDEN AS KIDS?!
Steven: NO, STOP. EVERYBODY SHUT UP. DO THEY GIVE YOU RAW FETTUCCINE TO CHEW ON IN THE LOBBY OF THE OLIVE GARDEN
Everyone else: No.
Steven, to Peter and Dee: YOU FUCKIN BASTARDS
Peter: YAAAAAAAAY!
Dee: THE PRESTIGE!
Your prompt:
Dave: Why isn't the statue smirking at me?
Jack: It isn't smirking at anyone, they're all just imagining it.
Dave: Three of us saw it, Jack. How do you explain that?
Jack: *points at Steven* Sleep deprivation. *points at Peter* Paranoia. *points at Dee* Delusional personality disorder.
Your prompt:
Dave: Everyone, synchronize your watches.
Jack: I don't know how to do that.
Steven: I don't wear a watch.
Peter: Time is a construct.
Your prompt:
Dave: *Screams*
Jack: *Screams louder to assert dominance*
Steven: Should we do something?!
Peter, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.
Your prompt:
Dave: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?
Jack: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.
Steven: I personally was created in a lab.
Peter: I just straight up spawned lol.
Your prompt:
Dave: Truth or dare?
Jack: Dare
Dave: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room
Jack: Hey Steven
Steven, blushing: Yeah?
Jack: Could you move? I'm trying to get to Peter
Your prompt:
[The group is a prison cell that was just hit by an earthquake]
Dave: Uh, I'm gonna roll a perception check of... 4, and see if our cell is, uh, in any way damaged by this quake
Jack: You're in a prison cell :)
Steven: You did great. Well, I got a 10-
Jack: You're in a prison cell with bars on it :3
Peter: I got a 1!
Jack: You're in... a cube-shaped place.
Your prompt:
Dave's helping Jack out after they get injured, while the others are watching*
Steven: How does Jack look?
Peter: A little better than you, actually
Your prompt:
Dave: Why are your tongues purple?
Steven: We had slushies. I had a blue one.
Peter: I had a red one.
Dave: oh
Dave:
Dave: OH
Jack:
Jack: You drank each other's slushies?
Your prompt:
Dave: Why is Jack so sad?
Steven: They took one of those "Which Character Are You?" quizzes
Dave: And...?
Jack: They got Peter.
Your prompt:
Dave: Jack isn't answering their phone
Steven: I'll call
Dave: Peter and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-
Jack: Hello?
Your prompt:
Cop: You're receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.
Dave: Shit.
Jack: Wait, three?
Cop: Yeah?
Steven: OH MY GOD PETER FELL OFF!!!
Your prompt:
Dave: I think we're missing something.
Jack: Teamwork?
Steven: Cohesion?
Peter: A general sense of what we're doing?
Your prompt:
Dave: Can I be frank with you guys?
Jack: Sure, but I don't see how changing your name is gonna help.
Steven: Can I still be Steven?
Peter: Shh, let Frank speak.
Your prompt:
Dave: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.
Jack: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!
Steven: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies' eyes!!!
Peter: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.
Dave: If you touch my birthday cake I'll make you eat your hands.
Your prompt:
Steven: Why are Dave and Jack sitting with their backs to each other?
Peter: They had a fight.
Steven: Then why are they holding hands?
Peter: They get sad when they fight.
Your prompt:
Dave: I just ended a four year relationship.
Jack: Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
Dave: Hm? Oh yeah, I'm fine. It wasn't my relationship.
Steven and Peter fighting from across the room*