I have spent a few days writing this out. I needed something to cope with my own horrible mental health lately. This story describes self harm graphically, romanticizing it. Self harm isn't romantic. It's hell. It's an addiction that wears with you and leaves you scarred. Don't read if graphic depictions of self harm will trigger you, please.
No editing done. I finished writing and here we are. Typos, writing errors, weird working, etc is expected.
Sana hadn't intended to let things get this far out of control.
The younger magical girl had managed to go months without a new self inflicted wound. She had gone months without skipping a meal. She had gone so long without throwing up whatever she had eaten that she didn't remember the last time she had found herself over one of the bathroom toilets.
Even despite this, she laid in her bed hours after all of the boarding girls had dispersed to go to sleep, thinking of sticking her fingers down her throat. She was romanticising the feeling of the razors she had hidden in her closet, fanaticising of the feeling of gagging and emptying her body of what she had had for dinner.
Since she didn't purge her meals frequently, she could surely throw up without the boarding house having thought she was forcing it. However, if she started forcing herself to get sick, could she stop it? The last time she had been in a purge cycle, she would eat whatever meal was offered to her, then purge after each and every meal. Surely that would offend Yachiyo, who worked hard to have enough money to feed the residents of Mikazuki Villa. She couldn't just throw up what Yachiyo works so hard for them to have, right?
That was where self harm came into play.
If she damned herself to 〇 amount of cuts per kcal amount, she would then eat less, thus there was less to purge. At least, that's how she saw it. If she didn't eat 〇 calories, she wouldn't have to throw up or cut herself. If she ate over it, she would cut one time per 〇 amount and purge until she gagged and nothing came up. So if she didn't eat 〇 amount to begin with, she wouldn't have to play the avoidance game with her roommates.
It was a sick way of thinking, but she had gotten on the scale that morning despite her head telling her not to. And seeing the number the digital scale read in kg… it made her sick on the spot. She wanted to get rid of it all. So much so that her body dysmorphia told her living with one less limb was better than her current weight. If she cut off an arm or a leg, she'd weigh significantly less… This was where her disordered mind went. So she made a deal with herself; she wouldn't have to cut and bloodlet if she didn't eat over 〇 amount.
The young magical girl had these thoughts swimming all through her head during her school day. She wasn't even sure why she went to school; she was invisible to anyone who wasn't contracted, this meant she couldn't even turn in homework or anything. It was a waste of time — even if Yachiyo insisted their education was important.
Being at school only fuelled Sana's mental illness. She sat around girls she wanted to be friends with, pretended they could see and hear her as they had their own conversations, didn't eat her lunch (if she wanted to, she had to be on the bathroom either way), and cried on her walk home. She hated going to school. When she first contracted it was fun because she could insert herself into whatever conversation she wanted to, but now it just hurt her until she cried.
As Sana walked through the threshold of Mikazuki Villa, the weight of the day seemed to temporarily be relieved. Being greeted by Iroha and Yachiyo from the kitchen and Felicia and Tsuruno at the table gave her small boost in mood to cover how dark her thoughts through the day had been.
She was dissociated even surrounded by her friends, not really writing to memory what each of them said. She had to ask them to repeat their words at least once as she tried to stay afloat in the conversation. By the time dinner was served, Sana was exhausted just trying to be social when she felt she couldn't be. After eating only 〇 bites of her meal, she excused herself. She cleaned up her spot, disposing of the food she didn't eat, and starting up to her room. She was sure Yachiyo asked her what was wrong but she couldn't find the energy to reply so she just continued up the stairs to her room.
It didn't take too long before Iroha was knocking her door, asking her if she was okay. While Sana was unsure of how she could fake it, she told the leader of their group she could come in. She sat up, running her fingers through her thinning wavy hair. She could only guess she looked as bad as she felt.
"How are you feeling?" Iroha started, her voice holding a tone to it that expressed concern.
It almost felt like too much energy even to lie to Iroha. However, when Sana opened her mouth, lies came tumbling out. "I'm okay. I just have a headache."
Iroha nodded a little at that answer and sat at the foot of Sana's currently messy bed. She sat there without saying anything for what felt like much too long. The air began to grow stale and heavy, only cut by the break in silence when Iroha finally spoke again. "We're all concerned…" She said this slowly, trying to approach the topic gently.
Sana knew what Iroha was going to say. She could take a pretty accurate guess, simply from the event that had happened a few months before. She had cut herself pretty badly, haphazardly stumbled to a witch, and nearly died from letting her Doppel out and losing consciousness. Taking those events into account, Iroha was going to ask—
"Are you self harming again?" The way Iroha said it almost hurt Sana in a way a razor couldn't. It wasn't in an accusatory tone or said with any malice; despite this, that question alone felt like it had the power of an 8.0 earthquake.
"N-no." Why did she stutter? It wasn't even a lie, but even with the thought that she had been playing with the idea again made her feel guilty. "I… I haven't since…" Sana gestured loosely in no particular location. "Like I said, it's just a headache."
Iroha couldn't comfortably just leave Sana when she could feel that something wasn't right. "Yachiyo noticed that you've not really eaten a lot lately… We just want to make sure you're okay."
"I'm fine, it's just a headcold or something. I just don't feel that good is all…" Sana couldn't look Iroha in the eye as she spoke a mixed bag of half truths and half lies. "I-I'm sure I'll be back to normal in no time."
Even if Sana was saying things that sounded right, the way she looked down at her lap and fidgeted her fingers sat with Iroha wrong. "If that's all it is… Would you do me a favour?"
Sana didn't say anything as she pulled her gaze up to Iroha's warm toned face.
"Will you sleep in my room tonight? We don't have to do anything special or anything." Iroha said, taking in a breath before continuing. "That way, neither of us are left alone with our thoughts."
The younger girl hesitated. She was on the fence about cutting herself, despite staying within the boundaries of her own imposed diet rules. However, she got the feeling that this question wasn't so much a request as it was the only thing Iroha would accept. Either that or she would stay in Sana's room. "Y-yeah, we can do that."
Iroha nodded and looked immediately relieved, having originally had concern on her expression before.
Sana was anxious over her sudden agreement, her hands shaking a little. She had an inkling that she couldn't offer any promise to her safety to Iroha. She knew the older girl thought being together was enough…. But if Sana was being honest with herself, she was more likely to hurt herself if close with others. One wrong move in her roommates' eyes and she was the mess up she told herself she was.
"Okay, yeah! Let me get the guest futon out in my room. You like having a glass of water ready for bed too, right?" Iroha rambled on before she squared her shoulders and turned, leaving Sana's door open. "I'll go get my room ready. It shouldn't take me long at all."
As Iroha left, Sana couldn't help the way she dug her longer fingernails into her wrist. Why had she said yes? She was sick and she knew it. She was going to hurt anyone who tried to help her. She shouldn't have given Iroha permission to come into her room or said yes to such an invitation to stay in her room. The thought alone made Sana shake as she considered that cutting might not be an option in Iroha's room.
While the older magical girl was away, Sana recklessly dug out her box cutter and hid the plastic sheathed blade in the elastic of her pyjama bottoms. It was stupid to bring a blade into Iroha's room; but, self harm wasn't an option she could rule out for the night, and it'd only be more dangerous without her safe tool. Alongside the box cutter, she also grabbed a random shirt from her dirty clothes. It wasn't a shirt she had any attachment to, a shirt she didn't mind getting bloody.
Sana also gathered a casual outfit, since she had no intention of going to school the next day. If she ended up cutting, she could use that dirty shirt to collect the blood, then wear it under her clothes in the morning — a foolproof plan to taking the bloody shirt back to her room where she could hide it.
When she heard the floor creak behind her, Sana unintentionally jumped. Luckily she didn't have anything out that made her look suspicious.
"I didn't mean to scare you." Iroha said with a small chuckle at the end of her words. Even despite the words that Sana used to placate her, Iroha couldn't help but be worried. The last time things got bad, Sana didn't tell a soul. It was terrifying that that could happen again.
Sana shook her head a little as she turned to face Iroha, "It's alright. I was just grabbing clothes for the morning." Sana said softly.
Iroha almost asked Sana why she didn't just grab her uniform but she didn't want to be too prying. Instead, she smiled at her softly and spoke, "Do you need help carrying anything?"
"No, I'm okay…" Sana spoke, her voice a little dragging. She was feeling that tug of guilt in her chest for even bringing her box cutter with her to Iroha's room. Even if she ended up not doing anything, was it not deceiving of her to even have it? Iroha was obviously having her stay in her room for the faux sense of safety, like sleeping in the room with someone could really stop her from doing things that hurt herself.
The pink haired girl let out a small noise in agreement, "Then if you're ready…" She said as she stepped to the side of the door, gesturing that Sana could go first.
Sana was still feeling uncertain. Where her mind was at that moment… Even being in Iroha's room wasn't going to stop her from her thoughts. She wanted to fight them with the best of her will. She wanted to be healthy; but her thoughts were toxic, burning holes in every safety net she had in place.
Padding down the hall in her slippers, Sana watched her feet until she arrived at the door marked with a wooden plaque painted pink with the hiragana for Iroha in black. She opened the door hesitantly, slipping in before Iroha. As she sat her change of clothes on the floor next to the futon, she swiftly shifted the box cutter from the elastic of her pyjamas to the folded clothes before Iroha made it in.
"I hope it's fluffed out enough for you." Iroha said as she came into her room and left her door ajar. "It was folded in the closet, so it's probably a little flat… I made sure to give you the fluffy duvet to make up for it."
Sana shook her head a little, "It's fine. I-I should be thanking you for… the futon, but also caring this much about me…" Sana said, her voice shaking a little. She wanted to be honest and tell Iroha that she was pretty sure she was going to cut that night, but the words were stuck in her throat. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't say it.
Iroha gave her a small smile, "Well, yeah. I care about you a lot. I know it's hard for you and I want to extend as much help as I can." Iroha said, looking at Sana as she spoke.
Jade fringe acted as a curtain blocking Sana's eyes from view as she ducked her head. She felt so horrible for being like this. She worried everyone around her. She made them take time out of their day for her. It all made her want to disappear — an ironic want in the scheme of things.
Instead of replying to Iroha, Sana just took her house slippers off and sat down in the futon slowly. "W-we should really get to bed…" Sana deflected. She couldn't talk about serious things. The weight of it was too much to manage.
"Yeah, I agree. We need to be well rested, right?" Iroha replied with an even tone.
Despite her words, Sana could have sworn she saw a glint of worry in Iroha's eyes. Did she know that Sana still felt amiss? Did she suspect Sana would still hurt herself? Those fears weighed in Sana's chest.
Iroha reached over to her side table and flipped the lamp off, batheing the room in darkness. She laid down on her back before she spoke to the ceiling, "If you think you're unsafe, you'll wake me up? I don't even care if it's just a small thought of it… you'll not fight this battle alone?"
Sana nearly flinched at the words Iroha spoke to the room. It was like Iroha knew what thoughts ran through her mind. She couldn't positively say she would do what Iroha asked of her. Could she lie and agree? That got caught in her throat and she opted for a weak, "I'll try."
Iroha shuffled in her bed before leaning over so she could look at Sana in the very dim light that came from the crack of the doorway. "I'm not going to judge you if you think things are too hard… I, we, just want to make sure nothing like that happens again."
"It won't." Sana replied a little too quickly. No, if she got to that point again, she would only move where her Doppel wouldn't damage the house. She wouldn't go witch hunting while anaemic. "I mean, ah, um, I d-don't plan for that to happen again…" Sana replied, having been struggling with the words coming out of her mouth.
"We all just want you to be safe… You mean a lot to all of us." Iroha spoke quietly as she shifted to lay back on her bed. "I don't know what I'd do if you died."
Sana felt her tears tease her eyes, causing her to pinch herself as hard as she could under the duvet she'd pulled close to herself. She took in a deep breath before speaking quietly. "I-I don't want to die…" She couldn't say she had never wanted to die. She had the weight of knowing she was a hassle to plenty of people, the flashbacks of her home life before, and the way she couldn't find the light sometimes; these things all fed into her suicidal thoughts. Despite that, she didn't want to die. She wanted to survive. But surviving for her looked different that others' survival. To her, surviving seemed incomprehensible without self harm. She wasn't sure she could go without her razor for the night… expecting her to go the rest of her life without it sounded impossible.
Iroha was quiet for a moment, maybe too long to be really comfortable. She let out a small breath before speaking in a soft voice, once again to the ceiling. "I… don't understand exactly how you feel but… I am here for you."
Sana couldn't say anything, her mind racing too much for her to pick words out to say. Tears were silently running down her face and she was having to hold her breath to hide that she was crying. She didn't want to bring attention to her upset. She didn't deserve that attention.
The room fell into silence. Iroha could have sworn she heard a few heavy breaths from Sana. Without the other speaking up, Iroha felt like she would have been nagging her at that point if she asked if she was okay again.
It didn't take long before Sana had calmed herself down from crying, but her mind was static and all she wanted was to cut.
She didn't want to die.
She didn't want to die.
She didn't want to die.
She just wanted something to make her head stop buzzing. She wanted to do something about her pain. She wanted to stop the waves of emotional pain that would wash over her, threatening to overtake her. She wanted a distraction.
Sana couldn't place how long she laid under the duvet, staring at the ceiling while she pressed her nails into her wrist. It was long enough that Sana could hear Iroha evenly breathing, implying that the older magical girl had drifted off to sleep.
Why did things get like this? Sana had felt seemingly stable up until she stepped onto that scale. The way that she would go from being mostly fine to being as broken as she felt at that moment was the most maddening part of her mental health. It made her feel even sicker when she hit these walls that knocked her down into the depths of her depression yet again.
Sana sat up and looked over at Iroha on her bed. She stared at her for a long moment to make sure she was actually sleeping. She kept her emerald eyes on Iroha's sleeping face for a bit too long, trying to use the presence of Iroha so near to her to stop herself from cutting herself.
Tears began teasing her eyes again when she reached for the box cutter she had hidden in her clothes. She still hadn't looked away from Iroha's face as she ran her fingertips across the plastic sheath of the blade. This was so unfair of her. This was horrible of her. It would take just standing up, shaking Iroha a little, and telling her that she couldn't stop her brain from the obsessive thought of self-harm. But she couldn't do it.
Sana pulled her gaze from Iroha's dimly lit face, glancing down at the box cutter. She could barely see her hands, adding extra risk to what she wanted to do. She closed her eyes and let out a shaking breath. She could get up and go to the restroom to do this, but that added a risk of being caught by anyone, not just Iroha.
She rubbed her face with her right hand to try and get the tears to go away. She pulled a sleeve of her pyjama shirt up, the room too dark for her to see just how scarred up her skin was. It was so horrible of her but she immediately remembered the part of her arm that Iroha had healed those months ago. The fact that it was unmarred meant she had a faux new spot to cut. It would hurt worse without scar tissue there to numb the area from the sharp pain that came from injuring it.
Sana took in a sharp inhale as she clicked out the blade slowly, trying to minimalise the sound. Once a little more than an inch was unsheathed, she pressed it to the upper forearm area that had been healed. Feeling the edge of the blade pressing into pristine skin brought its own rush of anticipation. Sana let out the breath she had been holding as she dragged the sharp blade across her flesh.
The dark took part of the element of cutting Sana liked away from her. It was a disadvantage, one that might end up effecting just how much damage she did. She liked to see how the skin came apart, staring at the wound until blood overtook the area and bubbled out. She had always likened the blood to her feelings. These thoughts, these emotions Sana couldn't express would escape her in the form of blood. But it was too dark to really enjoy the sight, so she focused on feeling the wound and how it stung, the warmth of inflammation nearly instantaneously appearing.
Before she got completely whisked away in her delusions of relief, Sana grabbed the shirt to rest under her arm. That way she could let the blood create streams on her skin, then drip onto the shirt instead of the duvet or the futon mattress.
She closed her eyes and absorbed the feeling of the wound she created. She couldn't see it beyond the dull light from the hall shining off of the blade in hand or the blood rolling down her arm. She couldn't see the wound itself or any fine details.
A few slow breaths later and Sana reopened her eyes. She wanted more. It was greedy to even cause one cut, but she wanted it all.
A second cut, a bit messier than the first, was etched into her arm. She hadn't done it with as much deliberation. It was a little jagged, from her tilting the blade up and cutting with mostly only the tip of the razor. It went deeper than the first, only by a small bit.
Then came a third. A fourth. A fifth.
Sana gripped both of her hands tightly after the fifth cut, a shallow cat scratch-like wound in comparison to the four that came before. The guilt and shame was beginning to set in. The fear of waking Iroha up was causing her hands to shake. She didn't know how she could do something like this to someone she cared so much about.
Clicking from the box cutter being retracted echoed, sounding so much louder than it was to Sana. She pulled the shirt up so she could wrap her arm a bit with the cotton. It was going to stick to the wounds and pull at them once clotting set in. Sana didn't care though. She deserved the stinging now; she deserved the pain of tearing scabs up later.
Sana shifted a little after she tied the shirt up. She hid the box cutter into the shirt she'd chosen for the next day and let out a small sigh. Cutting had taken all of her energy and she was suddenly exhausted. She didn't feel safe falling asleep yet, fearing that if her wounds were still bleeding she might get blood on something besides the shirt tied to her arm.
Despite her fears, Sana found herself laying down. She was suddenly so tired. It quickly became impossible for her to even keep her eyes half open. Despite the headache pounding at the base of her skull, Sana ended up drifting off into sleep.
—
Sana snapped awake at the sound of Iroha's alarm. Instead of her usual slow to rise routine, she sat up quickly. The first thought in her mind was that she had cut in the night. Panic set in and the anxious magical girl forced herself up.
She got up out of the futon and scooped up her clothing from the floor. Instead of saying anything to the groggily muttering Iroha, she used that time to escape out of the room. She had to put the shirt in her room, hiding it from the others. Her original plan to hide it by wearing it under another shirt was thwarted by the fact that she had cut more than once and needed to keep the wounds covered longer. It was doubly thwarted when she fell asleep.
Sana slipped into her room and shut the door, pulling of the bloody shirt with a hiss before dabbing at the wounds to reduce the bleeding she'd just instigated. She tossed the shirt under her bed, shaking a little as she did.
Her original plan was to just slip on a long sleeve shirt from her closet or wear the shirt she'd originally picked out and then a jacket. However, everything went out the window when Sana heard her door open behind her.
Iroha had been just waking up when Sana rushed out, but that odd behaviour had been like a bucket of cold water down her back. It was a sign that Iroha found alarming, so she forced herself up. Upon getting out of bed, Iroha found the box cutter Sana had worked so hard to hide near her doorway. Upon inspection, there was blood all over it. The blade was bloody, the button was bloody, parts of the handle were bloody. That led Iroha to the only conclusion that made sense.
Sana turned around slowly, tugging her pyjama top sleeve over her forearm. She realised that was a fruitless effort when she saw what Iroha was holding.
Seeing her box cutter in Iroha's hand stopped her in her tracks. She froze up. Sana could feel her stomach in her throat and an overwhelming sensation of dizziness. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. Before she knew it, she was tearing up. It felt like she had just been crushed by a million tons — more than that, even.
It was probably not even 30 seconds of Sana frozen in place before she broke out into full sobbing. Tears sullied her face, her shoulders trembling as she broke down. Sana sunk down onto the floor, hiding her face in her hands, disregarding that the cuts she had just irritated were bleeding through her sleeve.
Iroha hadn't had a plan when she approached Sana; it wasn't like she was going to tell someone she knew was hurting that she was disappointed. However, she'd not been expecting that Sana seeing her with the blade would cause the younger girl to devolve into a puddle of tears on the floor.
Getting down on her knees, Iroha inched closer to Sana in a way someone might approach a scared cat. "I-I'm not mad…" She started, as if it would change anything.
Sana shook her head, her heavy crying making it nearly impossible to speak. She fought out the words "I'm sorry" over and over and over again.
Iroha moved closer to Sana before finally pulling her into an awkward hug. She couldn't help her concerned glance at the blood that had become visible on Sana's sleeve but she tried to brush that aside as she held onto the other. "It's okay…" Iroha said quietly. She wanted to apologise to Sana for being so careless as to go to sleep when she was pretty sure Sana had been crying last night. She should have stayed up to be with Sana through the night. She should have been a better friend and put more effort in than just having her sleep in the same room.
Sana stayed limp against Iroha, hands covering her face as she cried heavily. She was having trouble breathing and her mind was reeling with all of the bad things that were going to happen to her after this. She imagined that this wasn't something Iroha would keep from the others; knowing that, Sana feared the stern scolding she would inevitably get from Yachiyo. The fallout from her bad decisions reminding her once again of why she wished to disappear.
Iroha shifted around a little so she could hold Sana a bit more effectively. She petted Sana's jade hair as the smaller girl cried. Iroha wished she knew how to properly handle something like this. She could comfort Yachiyo and even Felicia with some kind words, some physical affection, and promising to always be there. But Sana was harder to get through to.
After some time, Sana's crying waned in to gasps and hiccups. She was still covering her face, her hands visibly shaking. She couldn't bring herself to look Iroha in the eye. She had been such a bad person, a person she couldn't own up to being.
"I'm sorry." Iroha started quietly.
Sana interjected before Iroha could continue, "Y-you didn't do anything wrong. It was me. All me…" Sana let her hands dropped, but didn't look up at Iroha. She instead messed with the now bloody fabric of her pyjama top.
Iroha bowed her head a little. "I… heard you crying last night…" Her voice shook a little as she spoke, "But I was more worried about your image of me than you, and that's not fair. I didn't want you to think I was nagging about it."
Hearing that Iroha knew she was crying wasn't shocking. Even muffling her face with her pillow, holding her breath not to gasp, and clawing her wrists hadn't been enough to mute the sobs. "I-I… I'm not sure anything could've helped me last night…" Sana's voice was quiet as she said that. "O-once my mind decides, I can't say no…"
Iroha wanted to immediately reply with placations, saying that she would have sat with her all night if that's what it took, but she could feel the burden Sana's last sentence carried. Could she really have done anything?
"A-and that's not your fault. You don't have to apologise for something that was all me… I-I'm the sorry one… I told you I'd try to reach out if…. If things got bad for me, and I didn't." Sana was still focusing her eyes on anything but Iroha. "I… um, it feels impossible to do anything but that when it invades my mind…"
Iroha frowned a little, unable to really understand. She had no experience with something like that and she couldn't even begin to really get it. "What… what do you need from us to help?" She voiced quietly.
Sana finally looked up at Iroha, "I don't know…" She practically whispered this out before looking away again. She knew that she could never ask her friends to just understand that self harm was bound to happen, especially after that night. Sana also felt like it was impossible for her to do what she knew everyone else wanted her to do: Recover.
After trying to get the fear of recovery out of her mind, Sana let out a small sigh. "I-I think… harm reduction might be the best approach…" She spoke, her voice soft. Suggesting something like harm reduction felt like a waste of time since she knew that her friends, the girls whom she lived with, wanted her to stop this kind of behaviour all together.
"Harm reduction?" Iroha echoed, watching Sana as she echoed the sentence.
Sana nodded as she glued her eyes on the floor of her room again. "Um, yeah… Like… Instead of taking things I might use to… um… c-cut… L-let me use the things I-I find safest… A-and help me with keeping b-bandages around… Y-you know… Th-things that help p-prevent carelessness…" Sana could feel her face and ears burn as she spoke, knowing she sounds ridiculous. "I-I know th-that sounds like… like enabling… b-but if m-my brain makes me do this anyway…. It-it's safer with familiar tools a-and supplies to help with th-the healing… ra-rather than taking familiar t-tools away, wh-which might cause me to h-harm myself with something el-else I can find." Her voice shook so much and she could feel her heart beating through her chest.
Iroha hadn't even considered that an option. Sana was right that it sounded like enabling, permitting her to do such an act; but if she was dead set on doing it, she would undoubtedly find something else to hurt herself with. "I think that could work…" Iroha said softly. She didn't know how she could convince Yachiyo of such a plan, but it made sense with what Sana was saying.
"I… I d-don't want to do this… b-but not doing it is scarier…. S-so… th-this might be the best way…" Sana murmured, her voice low as she tried to cover up the weight in her words. Sana realised that this sounded delusional when she suggested it. Asking her friends to enable her to continue rather than trying to make it harder than her seemed stupid. It seemed like the dumbest idea.
A long time passed with neither of them saying something before Iroha spoke up softly, "I really need to get dressed for school… A-are you okay here alone?"
Sana nodded, still staring at the floor. "The scariest thing about today will be Nanami-san."
Iroha wanted to agree with Sana but didn't want to plant a seed so the other wouldn't talk to Yachiyo later. "I think… I think she'll agree with you after a bit of convincing. I'll talk with her tonight…"
Sana couldn't say she was necessarily comfortable with Iroha speaking for her, but Yachiyo was intimidating. "O-okay…." She muttered. "Thank you, I-Iroha."
The older girls smiled and shook her head, "It's the least I can do. You have my email if you need anything today, right?"
Sana nodded slowly as she shifted herself to get up off of the floor. "Y-yeah… Um… C-can I have my box cutter back?"
Iroha wanted to say no. She hadn't even realized she was still holding the blade in her hands; however, it sat with her wrong to return it. Either way, she had agreed with Sana about harm reduction so she let out a small breath before nodding. "Here." Iroha placed it on Sana's desk, which sat near the door.
"Th-thanks…. I… don't know where I'd be without you…" Sana spoke, her voice light but low.
Iroha couldn't say she felt perfectly okay with the situation but she was happy that Sana felt more comfortable with her. "I'm glad I could help."
Sana smiled weakly at Iroha and replied, "You're so important to me… M-more than you know…"