A/N I'm Back! un beta'd but hope ya'll enjoy.
Jess slowly let himself down off his horse and tried to hold in a groan of pain. The pain being emanating by saddle sore muscles. 3 days. 3 days, he had been riding straight through and when he had crested that hill leading to the ranch house he could have internally cried from sheer relieved homesickness. It didn't matter that most people still thought 2 years later that Jess would just pack up one day and leave but he wouldn't. It didn't matter he told himself, as Traveler gently galloped down the hill towards the big beautiful ranch house, that two years didn't seem to mean anything if people still didn't trust you. Jess knew in his heart that he was the stranger with the bad past suddenly becoming best friends with Slim, who was one of the towns own, and he couldn't blame them.
He would be suspicious of himself too. But if only the townsfolk knew that his friendship with Slim wasn't this instantaneous brotherhood that had clicked into place in an instant. It was far from that but it was even better than that really. Brothers is not a word Jess uses lightly, him never having one before, but that is the first word he would use to describe Slim in an instant and the first one that comes to his mind as well. Traveler slowed to a stop unheeded at the hitching post in front of the house and Jess smiled.
Even Traveler considered this place home and Jess wholeheartedly agreed. Swinging down off of the horse he quickly planted a kiss behind Travelers left ear and murmured a, "Its good to be home ain't it?" in the horses ear. Which Traveler replied with a nod of the head and a soft neighing in agreement.
Jess brushed off his clothes and after patting his horse and leading Traveler to the barn after a cool-off trot and a rubdown, he headed into the house. He opened the door with his mind in various stages of thought, only to be pulled out of them by the eerie silence that had welcomed home.
Instead of a smiling Slim inside of the house with a 'Welcome home Jess' on his lips, which he usually found himself getting every time that he was gone for a couple of days. Slim wasn't to be found in the sitting room or in the kitchen when Jess walked over to check. He knew that Slim couldn't have been outside by the house because then he would have heard him ride up. Shrugging and finally realizing that Slim must be out or riding one of the pastures, Jess taking his hat off, put it on top of the table. He stopped though captivated by a question. 'But that then raised the question of why the door was unlocked?' Racking his brain but not finding a good enough answer Jess turned on his heel and walked hurriedly to the room that Slim slept in. They used to bunk together when Andy was still there but after he had gone away to school Slim had insisted in Jess getting his own room.
He had smiled and thanked Slim, leaving the fact that having Slim in the same room with him made him feel more safe than he had ever felt in his entire life. Not to mention he helped keep the night terrors away as well. Call him a baby but Jess had never slept better than he had when he knew that his brother was close by.
Walking into the shared- his room Jess immediately went to his bunk bed and shoved his saddle bag on top. Turning around he headed out the door and walked the couple of feet to Slim's bedroom door. Taking a breath and being quiet for he thought for a second that when he opened the door he might see Slim there laying on the bed with a hangover but the room revealed a neatly made bed with a forgotten book upon the dresser. Slim wasn't in the house after all. Sighing as he didn't know what to do Jess headed back to the kitchen for a snack.
He checked the cupboards and almost started like he had been shot, the cupboard was almost bare save for a few cans of beans, crackers, and a lone sad looking sack of flour. He checked the other cupboards but they all told the same story. Puzzled Jess fidgeted with his gun belt, a habit he had picked up young and which surfaced whenever he was anxious or was concentrating. 'Oh, maybe Slim went to the store to get food' thought Jess but as he closed the last door to the cupboard his gut squirmed. Not in hunger mind you though he was so hungry he could eat a horse, and might have to since there was nothing else to eat, but something felt off about the whole thing.
Neither Slim and definitely not himself were small eaters and that's a fact. Something which Jess himself had only started to do recently. It wasn't that he wasn't hungry but that he had never really had an abundance of food so he was used to eating small. But one look from Slim before even more food was piled onto his plate, courtesy of Slim, he found himself eating rather a lot; not that he was complaining though.
So for Slim to let things get this bare seemed wrong somehow. Slim who was way more organized, not mention thoughtful as it seemed that he was usually thinking one or two steps ahead of Jess. Something that Jess found himself admiring from time to time. Thinking that perhaps Slim had gone to town he settled down at the table and taking out his gun started cleaning and polishing it. The old familiar actions soothed him as he waited and waited for Slim to come on back to the house.
The door opened roughly around two and later to reveal a haggard slumped Slim with no bags of dried goods or any provisions at all. But it wasn't the lack of groceries which concerned him, most concerned him as his hungry belly trumped the not concerned about the lack of food part, but the way that Slim oozed tiredness. Slim was usually an open book but that was just his exterior. Underneath the friendliness and warm comfort was an unmovable brick wall where things like how Slim really felt dwelt and all those ominous things about Slim that Jess didn't have the answers too.
Things like how Slim couldn't or rather wouldn't fall asleep until the early morning when it was still dark as if he was waiting for permission to. Perhaps it was something from his Army days, goodness knew that Jess found that he as well had many strange habits from the Army as well.
"Jess. What are you doing back? I thought you weren't do back for 3 more days." Jess silently jerked back to reality and critically watched Slim. He watched how Slim's surprised face lit up the moment he saw that Jess was back home but how that smile didn't hide the dark circles beneath his eyes and the way when he walked over to the table how he was favoring his left side. Jess felt himself wincing as he saw how gingerly Slim lowered himself into a chair across from Jess and Jess let him get settled before he launched at Slim the million concerned questions that had popped into his mind in the time that Slim had gotten home to when he had settled down in a kitchen chair.
He didn't get the chance to open his mouth though because as singular thought struck him out of the blue, so fast and so hard that he felt like he had gotten smacked silly. Slim ever the gentleman, always made eye contact, with everyone. Even with disgusting dirtballs who had just insulted him. But Slim hadn't met Jess's eyes as long as he had been sitting at the table almost… Almost as if he was hiding something. And somewhere deep inside of him Jess felt a rush of guilt because he didn't know what it was that Slim was hiding. A part of him told him that he wasn't worthy of calling slim his brother. Jess swallowed thickly and shoved those parts of himself back deep down into the swirling cavern known as his insecurities and fears.
That's when the anger came hot and heavy, because there were only two thing that would make Slim act like that and neither of them were good. Jess harshly shoved back his chair and rounded the table upon his best friend. He hoped that it wasn't the second one, wished it wasn't but as he replayed the odd way that Slim had been moving and the way his shoulders had been slumped he knew that it was the second one.
"Jess what are you…" Slim had been hurt was the chorus that repeated over and over in his mind as he moved his hands towards Slim.
Slim abruptly cut off his question as Jess gently turned Slim's head to the right and let out a low murmuring gasp of "Oh Slim" upon seeing what lay on his skin. A huge bruise was formed and could be seen on the left side of Slim's neck, rolling in a seemingly endless length, onto his shoulder and it peeked out from beneath the collar of his shirt. Jess felt so many things and wanted to do just as many but all he could say, with a hidden disappointment and a despair that came from his very heart because of Slim's non existent self preservation, was "Again Slim?'
Said man shook off Jess's hands and said softly, as if speaking in softer tones would pain both of them less "It ain't that bad. Me and the Sheriff were after a gang and I got bushwhacked by one of them. He got me several good ones before I was able to throw him off and the Sheriff swung back to help me." Slim's tone portrayed nothing of his emotions except perhaps a bone deep tiredness which made Jess ache to his soul in response. He had thought that he was a better friend, better brother than to let Slim feel that way but perhaps he was just as a bad a friend as his mind said he was.
He slowly pulled his arms back to his person and numbly, quietly sat back down but this time he sat beside Slim and not across from him. "Did you get them Slim?" Jess's quiet question holding only one tenth of the concern, anxiety, helplessness that he felt for his brother. Slim nodded quietly but his face grew immeasurably sad as a chunk of his brick wall fell and his emotions spilled as he spoke.
"We shot four of the gang members and jailed the other three. I shot three of of the four Jess." Slim's voice choked up in a way that told of nights where he had felt this burden of having killed other men but there had been nobody to help him through it. Slim had no one and that is what made Jess suddenly feel as if a cold December wind had just blown through him and extinguished whatever warmth was there. Slim felt just like Jess had felt before he had met Slim and something inside of him snapped like a crudely made halter on a horse when the horse runs.
First Jess was on top feeling and enjoying the breeze then the killing came in self defense and ripped the horse out from underneath his feet. Leaving him to fall tot he weary, frozen hard ground in silent agony. Slim continued on and Jess felt his breath start to come in short hitched breaths as he listened to Slim tell him what had happened while he had been away. 'Unable to protect Slim' Jess's mind provided but Jess already knew that and even if he didn't want to he did believe it.
"They were just lying there. Dead and I cant help myself thinking that its like I was right back in the Army again." Slim dropped a calloused hand from the table down and rubbed his knee at this point and Jess felt eve more guilt pile up onto his mound of emotions. "I twisted my knee when I went down but should heal up in a day or 2." Jess nodded in understanding and calmed himself before he willed himself to speak without his voice cracking.
"Well, that explains why it looks like a horse ran yah over. But Slim, honestly when's the last time you ate? Or slept? Because I've seen half starved wolfs look better than you do." Slim glanced at him with a look of ashamed surprise, as if Jess had laid out all of his buried secrets right in front of Slim and Jess didn't even have to dig for them. Jess felt guilt in his perhaps too harsh words but the worry was outweighing his gentleness right now so he though he was excused. But what Slim said next just about broke the dam keeping Jess back from going into town and beating up the rest of those gang members himself. The trial the gang members were going to stand at, could hang itself.
"I-I cant. Every time I look at food or close my eyes to sleep the bad dreams start and I cant take them Jess. I withstood that particular terror for a year after the army when I got back but it nearly broke me. I wore I wouldn't go back again Jess, I c-cant. Food just makes me sick so I've been trying to eat as little as possible. Sorry but I think we're pretty much running on fumes and I know you got to be hungry." Slim cracked a smile but his eyes were misty and Jess felt his own eyes get dust in them. Nodding in understanding he put a hand on Slim's back and patted it in comfort. Or at least he hoped it was comfort. Jess wasn't a really good at comforting stuff so he wasn't totally sure.
Slim dropped his head, putting his hand to to his face and Jess wasn't sure what to do. Should he talk? Tell Slim that it was okay? But was it really? Jess knew what those bad dreams were like himself. His Army days were anything from pleasant on a good day and now Slim was reliving them at night. Deciding that no matter how awkward he was at comforting others he wanted to comfort his best friend.
He put a roughened hand on the shoulder beside him and told him in a low soothing voice or rather as soothing as he could get. "You don't have anything to be sorry for anything, Pard. We can go to town tomorrow and get some food. Now come on lets go to bed cause I am dog tired." He decided that nothing was going to be fixed tonight and that a good nights rest would do both of them good. Slim just nodded his head wearily and they both went and got ready for bed. Jess finished buttoning his sleep shirt when the idea hit him. Grinning he went to Slim's door and knocked, entering after hearing Slims ay come in.
"What did you need Jess?" Slim's wearied eyes still held that warmth in them that made it seem as if everything was going to be okay and Jess wanted to help him so he did. He went to Slim's bed and gathering up the blanked and pillows marched out of Slim's room and back into his own. "Jess! What are you doing you crazy…" Whatever Slim was going to call him had died on his lips when he saw what Jess had done. There were 2 bunk beds at the end of the end of the room and a single bed by the door. On the single bed Jess was tucking in the blanket and fluffing the pillows.
"Your room feels to cold so you can in here with me tonight Slim." Slim just stared at him and Jess rolled his eyes at him because they both knew that the rooms temperature were all the same. So Slim's room being colder was a blatant lie. "Just this once okay? Like old times yah know? Besides after three days of riding by myself I'd enjoy the company. Honestly Slim." Slim shook his head in fond exasperation and careful of his knee and bruises slid down under the cover groaning in appreciation of the warmth and softness the blankets provided to his bruised and aching body. Jess smiled and clambered up onto his own bed. Settling down he let his mind drift a tiny bit.
They took turns saying goodnight to each other but afterwards in the comfortable silence Jess spoke up in a low voice. "Slim, I promise that you can sleep tonight easy okay? You know I'm a light sleeper and if your having a bad dream I'll wake you up, promise." Then in an almost impossibly softer and gentler voice he said "You don't have to stay up tonight, I wont let anything happen to me or you. This I promise to you brother and I never break a promise to my brother.
Silence reigned for a minute or two and Jess thought that maybe his sentimentality had fallen on deaf ears till he heard the soft answer of "I believe you brother… And thank you." Jess smiled so wide he was afraid his face would split in two. Putting his hands behind his head, he made himself comfortable, after lowering and dropping his saddlebag on the bunk below him. His stomach growled in hunger but he rubbed it and let himself think of the food he was going to make Slim buy and then what they would eat tomorrow.
He was also going to have to work on getting Slim to eat food, especially if it was making him sick. But as Jess drifted off to sleep he wasn't too worried about it. He and Slim would make it through this just like all the countless other times that they had gone through some rough stuff. Their friendship wasn't built on sand but rather pounded into the ground that they walked together each day. And though Jess himself was a tumbled twisted mess inside he was slowly untangling himself by helping Slim untangle his own self.
Besides Jess too had some experience with not being able to stomach food after the war so he knew just what to do for Slim. And for once Jess thought that maybe he could be organized and thoughtful too. Who knew? Maybe even his insecurities were wrong and he was a good best friend to slim. Jess listened tot eh soft snores of said brother echo throughout the room and thought that perhaps just perhaps together they could fix each other by being there for the other as best friends and brothers do.
The End
A/N If you will please pardon me if there is any OC's its because… You know what? I have no excuses so if you read the story and find any faults PLEASE TELL ME! As I would like to improve my writing as much as is possible. Thx for reading and I hope you have a wunderbar(= German for wonderful) day!